16. Sorting Things Out

Severus grabbed hold of the door knob and paused.

He had a choice. Right now, on this side of the door he had a choice. But once he turned the knob and walked into that room, his life would be in the hands of a deranged wizard.

The Dark Lord was certain to be livid, upset at the very least. So the foreboding silence emanating from the other side of the door made Severus uneasy. He had no way of knowing what might greet him when he entered this room.

Before, no one would have cared if he lived or died except for Albus. But now…

Pushing all of that from his mind, Severus drew a deep breath, occluded his mind, closed off his soul — and turned the knob.

~~~~~SH~~~~~

Neville inspected the clothing he’d packed to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything. Then he fastened the two buckles to secure the valise and had just reached for his Mimbulus Mimbletonia when he heard the door open behind him.

He whirled around and his heart sank when he saw Harry staring at him from the doorway of the sixth year boy’s dorm.

“Harry, I was trying to leave before you got here.”

“But we need to talk.”

Neville lowered his head in embarrassment. He knew that Harry was right and that he, Neville needed to apologize. But he was ashamed of himself for not having the courage to go find Harry, to look him in the eye and beg his forgiveness.

“Please,” continued Harry as he closed the door, “I want to apologize.”

Neville’s head snapped up and he looked to Harry in disbelief. “What do you mean ‘apologize’?  I’m the one who needs to apologize to you.”

Harry shook his head. “No Neville. Don’t you see?” He walked across the room. “You and your grandmother were hurt because of me.”

“You’re not making any sense Harry,” Neville was completely baffled. ”I’m the one who hurt you! Thank goodness the Headmaster stopped me in time.”

Neville’s words confirmed to Harry what the Headmaster had told him that morning. That in order to protect Snape’s façade as a Death Eater, Dumbledore had Obliterated Neville’s memory of his encounter with Snape the previous morning.

Harry felt guilty at having to lie to his friend, but there was no choice. “Yeah, I know…but Neville, it wasn’t your fault. It was the Death Eaters. They used you to get to me.”

“Yeah… and they picked me because I’m weak and stupid.”

“Oh Neville,” Harry said with a sigh. “You’re not stupid.”

He moved over to Neville’s bed and sank down on to the mattress. “You’re plenty smart; you just don’t have much confidence in yourself,” he said, then rested his forehead on the palms of his hands.

“You were hurt because of me, and I’m sorry for that,” he continued. “I’m just grateful you didn’t end up dead like my parents and Sirius… and Cedric. Or like what happened to...”

Harry couldn’t finish the sentence.

Neville stared down at his upset friend. He hadn’t even considered the scenario from this perspective.

Neville placed the valise back down on the floor and sat next to Harry. “Look, I know I don’t have any right to say this…”

“You have every right to say whatever you want, Neville. Just go ahead and say it.” Harry had assumed that Neville was about to agree with him: that it was he who was the root cause of what happened.

“You’re not the one that caused all those deaths, or what happened to…Anthony.” Neville said the name softly. “All of that happened because of You Know Who, not you.”

The two young men sat quietly for a while, side by side upon the bed. “I thought that with me staying in the castle no one else would get hurt,” Harry said in a thin, soft voice. “But it’s not working out that way.”

The fact that Snape had been summoned that morning didn’t make matters any better.

“After what happened to,” he tipped his head and shrugged his shoulder instead of saying Anthony’s name, “I know I can never get involved with anyone else. I can never put anyone in that kind of danger ever again.”

Harry began worrying his fingers. “But now he’s coming after my friends and I don’t know how to stop him.”

Sitting next to Harry, listening as he spoke of the enormous burden weighing on him, Neville’s worries of what people might think of him after the news of this incident got out seemed rather small and insignificant.

“Harry, why does all of this have to be on your shoulders? Why can’t someone find a way to help?”

“Dumbledore has tried…”

“Well, maybe he needs to try harder,” Neville said and his voice sounded uncharacteristically emphatic.

He hated seeing Harry so distraught over something beyond his control. His concern inspired Neville to see beyond his own dilemma and want to reach out to help, and somehow in the process, the terrible guilt that had weighed upon him seemed to lighten.

“Listen, I’m Flooing out of the Headmaster’s office in just a bit; why don’t you come with me and ask him for help.”

Harry smiled at Neville’s innocence. “That’s a really good idea Neville,” he placated, “but I’m supposed to go see Madame Pomfrey in a few minutes.”

The alarmed look on Neville’s face spurred Harry to explain.

“She just wants to give me the once over. You know how she is.”

“Oh. Yeah, I know.”

“But I’ll definitely talk to Dumbledore this week.”

“Good.” Neville smiled then stood up, “Well, I have to get going.”

It was only then that Harry actually noticed the packed valise. “Wait a minute, where are you going?”

“Home,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “The Healers are releasing Gran this morning and she wants me to come home for the rest of the break.”

“Are you guys going to be okay though?”

“Don’t worry Harry. The Ministry assigned us a couple of Aurors to guard our house. We’ll be fine.” 

Neville went to pick up his bag but paused and turned back to face Harry. “So we’re okay…you and I?”

Harry stood up. “Yeah Neville, we’re okay.” He raised his arm and gave Neville a gentle one-handed shove.

Neville grabbed his stuff, walked over to the door and then called back, “Well, have a nice Easter.”

Yeah…right. “You too. Say ‘Hi’ to your Gran for me.”

~~~~~SH~~~~~

That afternoon Harry lay upon his bed taking it easy, as per Madame Pomfrey’s orders, and studied the treatise Channon had given him, A Practical Guide to Concurrent Spell Casting.

Above him floated various objects belonging to his dorm mates. The ceiling was laden with Quidditch Weekly magazines, dirty socks, textbooks and the like.

The first chapter dealt solely on multiple castings of a single spell. Harry had chosen an easy charm, Wingardium Leviosa.

He had no problem casting the simple charm multiple times and was actually enjoying himself. So he attempted to see if he could cast another type of charm while still maintaining what he’d already cast.  

He broke off another chunk of the chocolate Easter egg from Mrs. Weasley (which had finally arrived and was certified as ‘safe for consumption’ by Dumbledore) and eyed Ron’s pillow. Silently and without his wand, he performed a Summoning Charm.

Nothing. The pillow sat scrunched up at the head of Ron’s bed.

“Damn.”

He picked up his wand and tried it again, but still silently.

Again, the pillow just sat there.

“What the hell?”

He huffed and then tried it again, but this time he incanted the charm verbally.

“Accio.”

The pillow flew across the room and Harry had to grab it so that it didn’t smack him in the face. At that very moment, Fawkes suddenly appeared over his bed in a flash of light.

The disruption of the pillow and the appearance of the Phoenix combined, caused Harry to lose his concentration and all of the previously floating objects came crashing to the floor.

Beating his wings, the large scarlet Familiar hovered over Harry’s bed, watching as the objects rained down around him.  

“I was practicing,” Harry offered defensively.

Without further adieu, the Fawkes dropped the letter he held in his talons and then disappeared as quickly as he’d appeared.

God, he must think I’m a dolt.

Harry snatched up the letter and tore back the flap.

I wonder why he wants to see me?

~~~~~SH~~~~~

Minutes later Harry was climbing up the spiral staircase. All the way over from Gryffindor Tower he’d grown increasingly anxious over the possibility that something else may have happened.

He knocked softly on the office door.

“Enter.”

Harry peered around the corner of the door, checking to see if any officials might be lurking on the other side.

“Ah Harry, do come in,” Dumbledore said in a cheery voice.

“Hello Harry,” came a familiar voice had come from the far left side of the office.

 Harry startled and turned to stare aghast at the unexpected sight of Remus.

“How are you feeling?” he asked in that soft spoken voice of his.

Harry was too shocked to respond.

“Nothing to say?”

“I…What are you doing here?” Harry responded bluntly.

Remus recoiled slightly.

“Come in and have a seat Harry,” Dumbledore steered the young man over to a chair. “Would you like some tea?”

“Okay Sir.”

Remus offered some attempts at light conversation, but his questions and remarks received only one worded answers from Harry. Giving up, he turned to Dumbledore who had returned with Harry’s tea, and proceeded to deliver his report.

Harry sat sipping his tea as he listened to Remus discuss what he’d been doing for the Order over the past few months. Apparently Remus actually had been traveling quite a bit and all of his activities needed to be kept quiet as he’d been working on securing alliances with a few of the less popular societies of magical creatures.

After listening to the two wizards for over an hour, Harry realized that indeed it would have been impossible for Remus to come and visit. And as the tea slowly drained from Harry’s cup, the resentment that had built up within him eased.

When Harry began to engage in the conversation, Dumbledore excused himself from the room, claiming he had another matter which needed his attention.

Harry and Remus continued their conversation, and even though Harry wasn’t angry at Remus, he still felt that a chasm now existed between them.  So much had happened over the past year, not to mention all the other critical episodes in Harry’s life since the death of his parents, and whatever the reason was, Remus happened to never be there.

“So Harry, what are your plans for the remainder of the school term?”

Harry shrugged his shoulders. “Well, just school and Quidditch I guess.”

“And how are you doing these days with regards to…” Remus made a small gesture but didn’t finish the sentence.

“To what?”

“You know … dating.”

Harry quickly looked down and his features tensed. “I’m not,” he said softly.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s all right. I just don’t have time for that sort of thing.”

They sat in silence as the mantle clock ticked away the seconds. Remus was frustrated at himself for his blunder and Harry just wished this little chat would be over with.

“How about your training? Do you like Professor Jackson?”

“He’s great. He’s taught me a lot.”

Again, the silence.

“Such as?”

“Um, we’ve done silent spells and wandless spells.” Harry started pulling at the knee of his trousers. “After this break we’ll start working on casting simultaneous spells. You know, stuff like that.”

Remus grinned at Harry's nonchalant attitude with regards to his magical abilities.

“That’s very impressive Harry. You should be proud of what you’ve accomplished.”

Harry definitely did not want the conversation to go down this track, so he quickly changed the subject.

“So how long are you here for?”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to leave as soon as I collect my new supply of Wolfsbane potion.

Harry’s heart sank right down to the floor. So that’s why you came. “Oh.” I should have known he wouldn’t have come all this way just to see me.

“Speaking of which,” Remus rose from his chair, “I wonder if Severus has returned?”

“He has indeed,” Albus responded as he stepped from the Floo, “and he is waiting for you in his lab.”

Remus offered his farewells to Dumbledore and Harry, shook their hands and then departed.

Harry walked over to the tall window, set down his cup and stared out to the lake.

“Are you all right my boy?”

He nodded his head. “Yeah,” his tone of voice was unconvincing. “Is Professor Snape okay?”

“He is indeed. And might I add his meeting with Voldemort was quite illuminating.”

Grateful for the change in subject, Harry turned enthusiastically. “It was?”

“Very much so.” Dumbledore sat down and patted his hand upon the settee inviting the young wizard to sit down next to him.

“Harry, are you aware of any connection between yourself and Voldemort?”

This change of subject was more then Harry had anticipated. “A connection? You mean my scar?”

“No, not your scar.”

Harry was at a loss. “Uh, no. Not that I know of.”

Dumbledore leaned back and lightly brushed away a tiny piece of lint from his lavender robe. “Have you experienced any nightmares or headaches since the night of Samhain?”

“No sir. You know that.”

“I want to be certain of the facts.”

“But why sir? What’s this all about?”

“Apparently,” Dumbledore angled himself a bit more in Harry’s direction, “ever since your counter attack upon Voldemort last October, he hasn’t been himself.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that the attacks on the Embassies never resumed.”

“Yeah, of course I did. Who wouldn’t? But I thought that maybe he was doing some other stuff.”

“Well, the other stuff as you put it, has been relatively minor in comparison.  And now today when Professor Snape met with him…”

“Did something happen?” Harry asked a bit anxiously.

“Nothing happened, per say. It was the lack of response from Voldemort that Professor Snape found surprising.”

“You mean about what happened yesterday.”

The Headmaster nodded.

“So?” Harry pressed.

“Tell me Harry, what would you have expected his response to be?”

“I’d of thought he’d be really angry.”

“As would I.”

“But he wasn’t?” Harry asked incredulously.

“Professor Snape described Voldemort’s attitude as dispirited. ”

“Huh. That’s weird.”

“My feelings exactly.”

Dumbledore started bobbing his foot up and down and Harry watched the tassel of the plum colored shoe bounce around from the motion.

“So what do you think it all means sir?” he asked, still watching the tassel.

“I believe Harry that your counter attack had a profound affect on Tom. I don’t fully understand the situation, but no doubt a situation does exist.”

“Wow.”

“There is another topic which we need to discuss.”

That statement put Harry on guard. “What?”

“In my discussions with Mr. Longbottom, he informed me that he tried several times to coerce you into leaving the castle. Is that true?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“And you didn’t find that strange?”

“But it was Neville,” Harry pleaded. “Don’t get me wrong; he’s my friend and all that, but Neville’s a little um … weird.” Harry ducked his head slightly.

“Ah yes. Well, never the matter — in the future Harry you must be on your guard. Report any odd behavior from any of the students or faculty.”

“Yes Sir.”

“Be wary if someone hands you something to touch or offers you food to partake.”

“Yes Sir,” Harry answered contritely. “I’m sorry, Sir.”

“You have no need to apologize. And mind you, I do not wish for you to become paranoid; you simply must be on your guard.”

“The charm is still in affect, right Sir?”

“That it is. You cannot be taken past the wards against your will. But that doesn’t prevent someone from trying to Port Key you out, or as in Mr. Longbottom’s case — from drugging you. The only one who would suffer in either case would be you, I’m afraid.”

Harry entertained the thought of a Port Key slamming him into Dumbledore’s protective ward.

“Let’s just consider this a lesson learned and move forward.”

“Okay Sir.”

Dumbledore stood up. “I don’t know about you, but I am quite hungry. Shall we walk down for dinner?”

Harry was surprised at the invitation. “Yes Sir, thank you.” It had been a long afternoon and now that Harry thought about it, he was quite hungry.

“Oh, by the way, how are you progressing with you assignment from Professor Jackson?”

“Really good. That multiple casting stuff is kind of fun.”

“I had a feeling that would be the case,” Dumbledore responded as he went to open the door. “That is why I’ve asked Professor Snape if he will work with you this week, in Professor Jackson’s absence.”

“Oh … okay.” 

He would have thought he’d been horrified at such a prospect, but with all the events that had happened this year: Snape apologizing, working with Harry on his shield, giving him that amulet and then all he did to help Harry only yesterday; the thought of working with Snape on Defense skills actually sounded kind of intriguing.

Harry didn’t know much about Snape, not really; the man was so private. But he had opened up a little this year and from what he had learned, Harry was beginning to think that there might be more to his professor than he had realized.

Anthony had been the only person Harry had ever confided in, regarding his affinity for roses. And now to discover that of all people, Snape also liked roses. Harry wasn’t certain what to think about that, except it told him that Snape must have a gentle side to him, somewhere.

~~~~~SH~~~~~