Snape's Journal

June 11th, 1993:

Today was a trying morning. My son woke up cranky and insolent and determined to irritate me past bearing. I wonder if it's an adolescent thing and if I was ever like this at his age and what my mother did about it. I'll have to ask her next time I talk with her, maybe she can give me some pointers on how to handle him that don't involve chaining him to a wall in my lab till he learns better manners or throttling him. Apparently, we were all out of his favorite cereal, which was cause for a sulking fit, and then when we went down to my lab for his morning potions lesson, today we were brewing a Water Walking Draft, a complicated solution, but not one that he couldn't handle—if he concentrated—he mucked it up and I made him do it over.

You would have thought I'd asked him to brew thirty batches of Dreamless Sleep in forty-eight hours, the way he argued.

"Do it over? But Dad . . .!"

"You heard me. You're going to re-do the entire potion and follow the directions correctly this time and brew it right. Begin."

He scowled, reminding me of myself. "Let's not and say I did."

"None of your cheek now. Start cutting up the gillyweed." I directed.

He complied, but not before mumbling, "Whoever invented this draft was a bloody bugger!"

Now I scowled. "For your information, boy, I invented that potion. Now quit that whining and mind your mouth or it'll get washed out."

"Yes, sir. You invented this potion?" he repeated. "No wonder it's impossible to brew. It's a genius level one."

"Flattery won't help you. Keep working and mind how you dice the roots on step six."

He groaned. "Dad, I really don't feel like doing potions today. Can't we just skip it and I'll brew tomorrow?"

"No. I made this schedule for you specifically and we're sticking to it." I said firmly. He sometimes thought because I homeschooled him that he could wheedle me into changing his schedule around to suit himself. Fat chance of that! "Practice makes perfect. Doing it over is the only way you'll learn how to brew properly."

He huffed and muttered angrily as he hacked apart gillyweed with a sharp knife. "This class sucks! I'll bet you don't torture your other students at the Academy like this!"

"My students there know not to question my authority and pay attention." I crossed my arms and glowered down at him. The attitude was really grating on me. "I'm going to warn you once more, young man, lose the attitude. Or else your broom is mine."

"Okay! Okay!" He turned back and began adding the gillyweed to his simmering cauldron. "Bloody dungeon bat!" He thought I couldn't hear him over the crackle of the fire and the bubbling hiss of the potion.

Oh, how wrong he was!

I caught his shoulder and spun him about. "What did you just call me?"

He gulped. "Nothing!"

"Lying to me now, are you?" Now I was very angry. I didn't tolerate lies from him and he knew that. I'd taught him better when he was six.

"No! I mean . . .Yes . . .I'm sorry! Please, don't take my broom away!" he turned pleading eyes to me, reminding me of Gabriel when he was begging for a hamburger.

"Repeat what you said to me."

He squirmed like he'd had a red hot poker applied to his behind and looked down at my shoes. "I . . .I called you a bat."

"Exact words."

"Dad, please . . .I didn't mean it . . ."

"Then why did you say it?"

"I was mad . . .I dunno why . . ."

"Repeat what you said."

He did. Then he begged me again not to take his broom away. "Please? I'll . . .I'll let you beat me! Just don't take my broom away, sir! I have a Quidditch match coming up and I need to practice." He played on the local Junior Quidditch League, which was something that had just started this year.

"This is non-negotiable," I said firmly, hardening my heart against his eyes. "Besides, you have never in your life been beaten, child. I hardly ever raise a hand to you."

"Mum spanked me really hard once," he objected.

"For playing with the stove, I know. She didn't leave marks and it was over clothes."I pointed out. My wife tended to be quicker to spank than I was, then again, she hadn't lived with my father. "Not even close. Your broom is mine for the weekend. Next time control your temper and don't be disrespectful."

"You're so unfair!"

"Deal with it." I said. I hated making him unhappy, but I knew if I wasn't firm, he would walk all over me.

"I hate you!" he shouted. "You're an evil git!"

My eyes flashed. That was the last straw. I would take a lot from the insolent whelp, but not that. "You asked for this," I said angrily. Then I propped my leg up on the bottom rung of the lab stool and bent my obnoxious son over my knee.

Ten smacks later he was sniffling over his ingredients, trying to pretend he wasn't crying. "Here." I handed him a green hanky. "Wipe your eyes, salt water isn't an ingredient for this potion."

"Sorry."

"You should be." I surreptitiously rubbed my hand on my hip, a spanking tended to hurt both of us. Which told me I should avoid doing it as much as possible.

He completed the potion without any backtalk after that, I said this effort was much better than the last one and gave him a passing grade. "Now, was that so difficult? You could have avoided getting in trouble if you had simply done as I asked in the first place."

He just nodded, plainly ashamed of his childish outburst. "When's Mum coming home?"

"Soon. Looking for sympathy?" I teased.

He snorted. "Yeah, right. You're a marshmallow compared to her."

" I'm a what?"

He backed away. "Forget I ever said that. I'm going to pick up my room before I end up grounded."

"Wise decision, since your mother will inspect it when she comes home. Dismissed."

"Did you write her about Gabe?"

"No. I thought it was better if she heard the bad news in person. Get!"

He bolted up the stairs.

My wife, a Special Agent Auror, had been away on assignment for three months. There were times when she couldn't write to me at all, not and maintain her cover, and this was one of them. She was supposed to arrive home tonight, and I dreaded having to break the news to her. She had adored Gabe, and would be devastated that he had died while she was away, and didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

I carefully bottle the WaterWalking Draft and let my mind wander back to the first time I had created that draft, in fourth year, and won Slughorn's Best Potion Invented by a Student award. Later, though, it had saved Lily's life, when she had been the victim of the Marauders' sick sense of humor . . .

May 5th 1975

Hogwarts School:

The first I knew of that something was wrong was when Gabriel took the sleeve of my pajamas and dragged me half out of bed, whining urgently. I woke up, looked at my watch, it was one o'clock in the morning. "Ahh, Gabe! Don't tell me you have to go out?" I groaned, rubbed my eyes, and pulled on my trainers. Why was it, I wondered irritably, that dogs couldn't learn to use a litter box at night?

Gabriel was practically dancing on his hind legs, and I hurried out of the common room and down the corridor to a secret entrance I had discovered while hiding from the Four Horsemen one day. I quickly tapped the sequence of stones and the secret door slid open, and Gabe tore across the lawn, barking.

What the hell? I wondered and followed.

Gabriel led me directly to the lake, barking and "talking" to me anxiously.

It was then that I heard the sounds of something large splashing and a girl's voice shouting, "Help! Help! Somebody help me!"

"Lumos!" I lit up my wand, though the moon was plenty bright enough for me to see . . .a bed in the middle of the Black Lake, surrounded by ten sucker-strewn arms, as the giant squid angrily tried to rid itself of the unwanted object dumped into its territory. And on top of that bed was . . .Lily Evans.

"Lily!" I shouted.

She was all scrunched up in the middle of the bed, wearing a bright green nightshirt. "Sev? Oh, thank God! I woke up and found myself floating here. I don't have my wand, I left it on my nightstand." She made a face of extreme disgust. "I know, quit giving me that look, Severus! I should sleep with it under my pillow like you, but I never really expected them to do anything like . . .this to me!" She waved a hand at the giant squid, which had all ten arms wrapped about her fourposter.

"You know them by now, Lil. They've got a sick sense of humor and they hate the fact that you don't worship their glorious arses like all the rest of your House."

"I know last time I hexed them for ruining our potion in class, Sirius threatened to get me back, but I never thought he would go this far."

"Don't underestimate him, Lily. The kid's a nut job, like the rest of his Black cousins. Too much inbreeding. And the rest of them are allowed to run wild, and they'll dare anything they can get away with." I said. "Hang on. Let me Summon the Water Walking Draft."

I waved my wand. "Accio Water Walking Draft!"

The potion flew into my hand after two minutes, and I uncapped it and prepared to take a swallow.

"Sev! Let me try it first!" Lily called, for the potion was as yet untested.

I shook my head. "No, it's my invention, and if something isn't right, you shouldn't have to suffer for it." I said, and then I swallowed it. It hit my system like a jolt of pure adrenalized lightning. I gasped and doubled over.

"Severus!" Lily cried in horror.

Gabriel whined anxiously and licked my hand.

"I'm okay," I reassured them, straightening. My feet felt slick and sticky. Some kind of glowing slime was covering them. I wrinkled my nose. "I think it's working. Hold on! I'm coming!"

I took two steps onto the surface of the lake, discovering that my potion made me able to skim along the water like a water bug. I half-slid and half-ran out to the middle of the lake, right inbetween the squid's massive sucker arms, and held out my arms to Lily. "Jump!"

She didn't hesitate.

I caught her, staggered, and toppled over on my arse.

Which was not affected by the potion.

I got wet and started to sink.

"Whoops!" Lily said, starting to giggle nervously.

Somehow I managed to stand up, holding my precious flower in my arms.

It was then that the squid suddenly flung the bed through the air.

The bed landed with a sharp CRACK! on the shore, smashing a bunch of cattails and narrowly missing my barking collie.

Gabriel was going insane, his dog instinct screaming that humans were not meant to do such things.

Lily looked over my shoulder and yelped. "Uh, Sev? Start running."

"Why?" I asked warily.

"Just . . .do it!"

I tried, but if you've ever tried to run on a surface that's slippery or walked upon a water bed, you bounce about something awful and can't really move too fast.

I looked behind me and saw the giant squid coming for us.

Now, normally the squid is peaceful and doesn't hurt students, but it was quite angry at having a bed dumped into its home and being woken up from its rest by a girl screaming. Not to mention a shrilly barking dog and me too. I had no wish to end up as squid sushi, so I started jumping like a skipping stone over the water.

I had almost made it to shore when a tentacle latched about my left ankle and yanked me backwards.

We both screamed.

Gabriel charged into the lake, barking wildly.

I was sure we were squid food then.

But then Hagrid appeared, and tossed a large dead fish into the lake.

The squid, upon seeing and smelling the food, released me, and Lily, Gabe, and I swam to shore.

"You all righ', Severus? And Lily too?"

"We're fine, Hagrid." Lily replied.

"What are you two doin' out here?" He took a glance at the shattered bed. "What in the name o' Merlin is that?"

"My bed," Lily admitted.

"How did it get out here?" Hagrid looked puzzled.

"The Marauders got Lily and her bed out of the dorm room and into the lake," I related to him. "Stupid arseholes!" I was furious all over again. They had no right to antagonize Lily, she was a girl and from their own House besides. She could have gotten sick or even hurt badly by the squid. How dare they put Lily's life in jeopardy?

"The Marauders did this?"

"Yes," Lily supported me. "I'm sure of it. But if you want it confirmed, just come to breakfast in the hall tomorrow, Hagrid. They can never resist bragging about their little pranks and I'm sure they think they're doing it for the greater good and saving my reputation because I shouldn't be friends with a slimy Slytherin. I'm going to report this to the Headmaster."

I dried myself off with a Quick Dry charm. "Save your breath, Lily. We have no proof they did it, since you or I didn't see them do it. Therefore, Dumbledore won't punish them." Gabriel jumped up and licked my face. "Good dog, Gabe!" I praised when I could speak without a collie tongue washing me. I hugged him. "He's the one who woke me up and brought me to you," I told Lily.

"But how did he know I was in trouble?" she asked, kneeling down and petting him. He licked her all over too, making her laugh.

"Collies are very smart, Lily," said Hagrid. "They're one of the smartest dogs there is. He musta heard you shouting and all, dogs got really good hearing, better than ours."

"You're such a brilliant dog, Gaby! Like your master," Lily smiled. "I wish I could be sure the Marauders had a hand in what happened to me. Not that I doubt they did it, but, like you said, we need proof."

"Listen to what they say tomorrow at breakfast." I advised. I knew Potter and Black, the arrogant sods, wouldn't be able to resist telling Lupin and Pettigrew, unless they were in on it too, all about teaching Lily a lesson she'd never forget.

"Okay." She looked in dismay at her broken bed. "Damn! It's in pieces!"

She looked over at me. I started repairing the bed as best I could. Then I shrank it and Lily carried it back upstairs in her robe pocket. Outside the portrait hole, Gabe and I reluctantly bid her good night. Then I headed back to my room. Midnight rescues sure were fun, but also extremely tiring.

Sure enough, Black began bragging to his mates about how their prank had worked wonderfully next morning. "Hey, Evans, how did you sleep last night? Were you alone? Or did your snaky pal Snivellus keep you company? I heard you came back all wet! And you gave the giant squid an eyefull!"

Wormtail burst out laughing. "Hahaha! It's the Gryffindor Mermaid!"

"Good one, Peter!" praised James. "Maybe next time, Evans, you could wear a bathing suit and show me some of that, huh, babe?" He leered at her.

Half of the girls sighed in longing, plainly they wouldn't have minded Potter ogling them.

Lily glared at him. "Potter, you're disgusting! And your little joke wasn't funny! The squid nearly tried to eat me, you stupid git!"

"Aww, be a good sport, Evans!" drawled Sirius. "If you weren't stuck on Snape, we wouldn't have bothered."

Lily pounced. "You admit it then?"

"Admit what? That we pranked you?" Black smirked.

"Heard and witnessed!" Hagrid said, his face suddenly hard. "I hope you boys are ashamed o'yourselves! Pickin' on a girl thataway, just 'cause you don' like her friends. Never woulda thought it!"

With Hagrid to back us up, Dumbledore had to believe us and give the Marauders detention and take points, though he took the minimum allowed and only made them serve detention with Filch for two nights. Humph! Their stupid nickname for Lily—Gryffindor Mermaid stuck for a year, it was nearly as bad as Snivellus. And a few of the Marauder-shippers (those who worship Marauders) thought Lily deserved it. "Serves her right! Anyone whose friends with a Slytherin needs their head examined."

"Anyone who worships the ground a Marauder walks on needs a brain, period!" Lily had shot back, then she rose and took her lunch and deliberately walked over and sat next to me at the Slytherin table.

No one said anything, for a change, and I whispered, "That's telling them to shove off, Lil!"

It was then that I started looking at her as more than a friend.

And even though the Marauders really didn't get punished, at least I was able to test my Water Walking Draft out.

June 11, 1993:

I heard the Floo start up from my bedroom, and then my wife's voice greeting our son, who then yelled up the stairs, "Hey, Dad! Mum's home! Quit writing your memoirs or whatever and come down here!"

I set down my quill and rushed down the stairs. It had been too long since I'd seen my wife and I had missed her like I would miss the other half of my brain. Not very romantic, but then, we had been together for twelve years.

She was standing with her arm about my son, and she looked a bit more pale and drawn than usual, her auburn hair had been bleached to a platinum blond, and her eyes Glamoured to become sky blue, but even so, I would have recognized her blindfolded. "Hello, Sev." Her smile was still the same, sweet and sultry and so very welcome.

"Hello, bright hawk," I said, using my nickname for her, that I had coined during fifth year, when she had dazzled me with her brilliant intellect and her fierceness to stand up for what was right and to hell with everyone else. I moved across the room and into her arms. "I've missed you, Lily."

"Same here," she whispered and our mouths met in a searing kiss that ignited a fire in my blood.

It was always this way between us after a long separation. Lily's undercover work often took her away from us for months at a time and when she returned I was starved for her affection and her touch.

"Ugh! Will the two of you please stop the public displays of affection? It's making me sick!"

We ignored our thirteen-year-old for a few moments more, until his gagging started to intrude upon the moment, and Lily turned around and said, "Harry, stop it! It's perfectly natural for a husband and wife to display affection in their own home."

"But not in front of their son!" Harry cried. "That's just gross!"

"In Merlin's name, why? You never used to mind us kissing when you were little."

"That was different. I didn't know any better then. But now . . .now I know what comes after the kissing part."

"Are you sure?" she teased, laughing.

Harry went scarlet to the tips of his ears. "Yes! They teach us how babies get made in primary school, Mum! Plus Dad has all those anatomy books and he made me study them so I'd know how certain potions affect parts of the body. And you're my parents . . .and it's just . . .ugh!"

We both chuckled over that and he glared indignantly at us.

Lily reached out and ruffled his hair, which was in need of a trim. "Oh, Harry! Someday, when you meet the right girl. . . "

"Please, Mum! Don't even go there! I don't have a girlfriend and I'm not marrying Hermione, even if she is my best friend."

"Who ever said anything about marrying Hermione?" Lily looked at me questioningly.

"I think he's comparing their friendship to ours," I murmured. "He obviously doesn't take after James in that area."

Lily shook her head. "No. James was already getting notes from girls by third and dating by fourth year. But I'm glad. I'd rather have him this way." She whispered.

"What way?"

"Innocent." His mother replied.

"Mum! I'm not some bloody baby!"

"You don't understand what I mean by that yet," she said. "And watch your language, or must I fetch a bar of soap?"

"No, ma'am." He knew better than to push Lily. She detested foul language . . .at any age. She had once threatened to wash my mouth out.

She placed her hands on his shoulders. "Hmm . . .looks like you've grown taller since I last saw you. Which means your dad's been feeding you right."

"Thanks, Lil," I said sarcastically. "Like I would let him starve."

"I know you and your potions research, Severus. Once you get behind a cauldron sometimes . . .you forget the world exists."

I couldn't deny that. Potions was my passion, it always had been and always would be. Which was why I taught it at the Master level at the Academy of Potioneers. I could never have taught teenagers day after day. The rest of the time I spent researching and inventing and schooling my adopted son, Harry James Potter-Snape.

"Got that right." Harry said cheekily.

"Who asked you, brat?"

"Just saying."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Have you learned nothing from this morning?"

"Uh huh. To be careful what I wish for."

"What happened?" Lily asked, eying her son knowingly.

"He got cheeky and insolent and I punished him." I answered.

"He took away my broom for the weekend, Mum. And then he spanked me. I'm emotionally traumatized. I need a therapist."

"Why, you overdramatic little whelp—"

"I'll make an appointment," Lily interrupted, her eyes sparkling. "I think Dr. Graves would be able to fit you in next week. Of course, you'd end up missing Quidditch practice, but your emotional trauma is more important, so—"

"Forget it!" Harry said quickly. Faced with the prospect of missing Quidditch, my son quickly changed his tune. "I'll live."

"Now, tell me what you did to make your father mad enough to smack you, because it had to be pretty bad to push him into doing that." Lily demanded sternly.

My son hung his head, all of his insolence vanished. "Am I going to get in trouble twice?"

"No. Your father's punishment is more than sufficient. Talk, Harry." She sounded the way she must have when she was interrogating a suspect.

And like many suspects, Harry babbled when he met her steely emerald gaze, confessing all.

"I'm really sorry. I'll try my best to not backtalk him again."

"Good, because that's something neither of us will tolerate, Harry James." Lily said. Then she put her arm about him and hugged him, and so did I.

"You're forgiven, brat." I said, knowing that was the most important part of my job, forgiving my wayward son for his mistakes, which was something my own father had never been around to do.

"Thanks, Dad." Harry seemed very relieved. "Mum, did you catch that ring of magic stone thieves?"

Lily nodded. "Yes, Harry. I managed to get them all this time. Mission accomplished."

Harry beamed proudly. "Go, Mum! See, Dad. I told you she'd bring them all in. Nobody ever escapes Special Agent Evans."

"Harry, I'm not some kind of . . .super witch." Lily protested, as she always did whenever someone made a big deal over her chosen occupation. She had chosen to keep her maiden name through both her marriages.

"Sure you are, Mum." Harry insisted stoutly. "You've brought in more criminals than any Speck on the force. At least that's what Auror Captain Moody says." "Speck" was slang among Aurors for Special Agent, both a play on the word "special" and also because a good agent could blend into a crowd and vanish like a speck of dust, never seen unless they wanted to be. Lily was one of the best.

"Captain Moody was my sponsor at the Auror Academy, so he's biased," Lily said. All this time, she had had her back to the mantle and had not noticed the urn or the picture and candle. She glanced around. "Why, where's Gabriel, Sev? Is he asleep upstairs, the old duffer? Guess I'll have to go up and say hello to him, it's probably getting rough to navigate those stairs now."

Harry looked at me questioningly.

"That won't be necessary, Lil."

"Whyever not? Just because he's old is no reason for me to neglect him."

"That's not why. It's because . . .he's right there." I pointed to the urn.

"Right where?" She turned around, following my finger.

Her eyes focused upon the urn, the photo, the collar, and the candle. A hand went to her mouth. "Oh no, Sev! He's . . .gone? When?"

"A month ago. I didn't know how to tell you in a letter . . ."

"He didn't . . .suffer?"

"No. He died peacefully in his sleep." I came and hugged her.

"I'm so sorry . . .so sorry I never got to say goodbye . . .after all he did for us . . ." Tears were falling down her cheeks now, silently, one after another, like raindrops. "I knew he was old, but I hoped the potion would last a few years more . . ."

"So did I." I murmured.

Abruptly, she turned and put her head on my shoulder and then she cried like a baby for the dog that had made such a difference in all of our lives. Her grief brought mine and Harry's to the surface again as well, and for a while we all mourned our lost pet together.

Later, I showed her my journal and told her I was writing down Gabe's story. "It helps some, the memories."

"Yes. It's a wonderful tribute, Sev," she said, running her fingers through my dark hair. "I wish I could have been here to help you through it."

I leaned my head on her shoulder. "No sense in regretting what can't be helped. Grief is the same, then and now. I will never forget him and always miss him."

"So will I." She snuggled close to me and we found a way to forget our grief for awhile in the age old celebration of life and love.