If I could I would by Whitsnitch91
Summary: Harry is deeply traumatized by the war and Voldemort and Deatheaters, hunting him and killing his dear-friends. Deciding to go back in time he searches for the Necklace of time and then confides in the only man that seems trustworthy to him. Severus Snape. How will the young Potions Professor deal with the new information he receives?
Categories: Teacher Snape > Professor Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required), Draco
Snape Flavour: None
Genres: General, Hurt/Comfort
Media Type: None
Tags: Alternate Universe, Deaging, Time Travel
Takes Place: 8 - Post Hogwarts (young adult Harry), 9 - Post Epilogue (middle aged Harry), 0 - Pre Hogwarts (before Harry is 11)
Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Physical Punishment Spanking
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 6 Completed: No Word count: 12160 Read: 27845 Published: 08 Sep 2010 Updated: 12 Dec 2010
Not every Memory is peachy by Whitsnitch91
Author's Notes:
Okay, new chapter it might be a little confusing though. But thanks for the reviews.
As chapters 3-5 were corrected for me by Jan, thank you so much again.
I am temporarily looking for a beta, but I really don't know how that works, so if one would take their time to explain, I would really really appreciate that.

"I thought I made myself clear?" Snape asked, almost taking housepoints, shaking his head on himself he softened his features yet again, the boy was not even at Hogwarts yet.

"Okay. But you have to listen before you ask questions or don't believe me." Harry began and then leaned back in his seat.

"I know that you are loyal to us Severus Tobias Snape. You betrayed my parents to Voldemort yes, but right after you realized what you have done you told Dumbledore. Dumbledore forgave you and then used you as his spy. Since you betrayed my parents you worked for dumbledore telling him and the order everything you were able to find out. But the night my parents were killed you felt such great sorrow that you swore that you would keep me safe until my dying day," Harry began.

Snape's eyes almost fell out of his head. He opened his mouth to ask the boy where he had heard all that but then remembered the boys conditions.

"I know of this because I have been eleven before, I have been to school and I have defeated Voldemort before," he took a deep breath, "During the second war many people were murdered because I was not careful enough. You, at that time, were no help for me, I did not trust you, you were for me the spy that worked for Voldemort, betraying us all. Dumbledore tried to make it clear to me that you were loyal to us, but you were mean to me, thinking that I was just like my father, not caring to see that I was not. I would never bully anyone, as I was bullied myself. But you wouldn't see that. So I grew to hate you. And then as you killed Dumbledore to safe your god-son Draco I was willing to kill you. But Voldemort was faster than me, because he was searching for something that you had at that time and to get it, he had to kill you. While you were dying you showed me memories of the plan Dumbledore had worked out with you, which demanded you to kill him and memories of you and my mother together," Harry paused as their waitress brought them a glass of coke.

Snape swallowed hard, up to now this story sounded like a fantasy nightmare the boy had had. But he had seen no trace of a lie.

"When the battle was over and I had lost so many people I grew detached and sick.  I was not capable of leaving people into my personal space as Voldemort had tried to reach me through my loved ones. When Deatheaters got a hold of my Girlfriend and send her back in pieces and the order held me captive to not safe her I grew fanatic, I swore to go back in time and change everything. And after months and months of searching and planning I had finally found a way. The Necklace of Time, I found it and wished myself back to my 11 birthday," Harry ended.

Looking down into his glass he waited for his teacher to react.

"So I was a terrible teacher to you?" Snape asked. He knew that that could be true. He had been dreading meeting the boy, fearing the spawn of James, but he had been waiting for him as well, hoping to see Lilly in there.But he looked so much like James and he was pretty sure that he could have simply ignored the Lilly in him and focused on his appearance and therefor made his life hell.

"You hated me," Harry corrected somewhat and looked up. Snape looked at him. His eyes, those were Lilly's eyes. The eyes he loved and adored.

"I killed Dumbledore?" He asked and swallowed. He could never, never ever do that.

"Yes, he made you. And you swore to Dracos mother to save him and fulfull his mission should he fail. You did the unbreakable vow, so you basically had no choice as Lucius had failed him and Voldemort ordered Draco to kill Dumbledore." Harry said avoiding the startling black-eyes.

"He killed me?" Snape asked horsely.

"He had nagini kill you, yes." Harry said quietly.

"It would be much easier to understand if you see, Professor. I do not mind, I know you will be careful. I have nothing to be ashamed of. You can see everything, well not really everything, leave my memories with my girlfriend alone, but the rest you can see," he said and Snape gave him a brief smirk.

"Good, relax and breath evenly," he said and then looked the boy in the eyes.

"Legilimens," He chanted and flew into the boys thoughts and was taken on a quick tour.

He started at the boys childhood, being beaten by Vernon, the whale of an uncle, bullied in school. The the Zoo, Hagrid at diagon alley, Hogwarts express, Entrance hall, Draco, Sorting, Pain Quirrels head. First classes, Potions, him being a total prat, halloween quidittch, snape apparently cursing his broom, Snape bleeding, them advancing the fluffy monster, slipping through the door falling into the weed, the broom, the chess, his potions quiz the mirror. Quirrel explaining everything. Voldemort in his head. Harry winning and then end of year. A summer full of beatings, The weasleys saving him with a flying car. Summer at the weasleys harry getting smacked on the rear by arthur for the car incident. Snape chuckled slightly. Second year, arriving with car at school, snape being a prat, the attacks on students, Harry being blamed, the duel clup, following the spiders, almost dying, the chamber of secrets, tom riddle, the diary, saving ginny, winning over the basilisk, freeing Dobby leaving school. Third year sirius and lupin, sirius being innocent, Snape taking all the fame, the timeturner. The memories got blurry and Severus realized the boys eyes were tearing. Them saving the dog. Lupin transforming. Summer, full of beatings, no hope, no save of Sirius. Visiting the WEasleys, World cup, deatheaters, dark mark, Barty crouch junior, school, goblet of fire, harry being chosen, Moody helping him, first task dragon, him helping cedric, second task, cedric helping him. Harry asking cho out, The yule ball, Victor Krum with a girl named Hermione. Harry dancing with a girl. Third task, maze, Harry fearing death, helping cedric, sharing win, portkey, grave yard voldemort returning Cedric dying-

Snape ripped himself out of the memory flood and Harry wiped his eyes quickly. Snapes breath was hitching panic taking over his body. He saw blackspots in front of his eyes as he tried to calm down. Harry looked at his Coke glass again and waited for the man to get a hold on himself. The waitress came forward and Harry smiled at her.

"We need a little longer, ma'am," he said and the woman turned around without realizing that something was amiss. "You have more to see," harry said quietly and raised his head, heart hurting at the painful memories.

Snape looked up and reconnected to the boys memories.

Cedric dying, lying at his feet. Voldemort coming back, Snape shuddered and Harry  squeezed his eyes shut. Wormtail holding up a metal hand. Harry and Voldemort dueling Priori Incantatem, his Parents, cedric begging him to take the body back. Harry running back, crowd screaming in fear and sorrow at the dead Diggory, Harry being taken by Moody. Moody being Barty junior, Poly-juice potion, changing back, wanting to kill him. Dumbledore barging in, saving him. Revealing the true story under Veritaserum. Going back home, nightmares every night, seeing the dead Cedric, his parents, reliving the night of Voldemorts return. The fat cousin teasing him about it, Harry drawing his wand, Dementors showing up, almost sucking the cousins soul out, Harry saving them, the order picking him up, living at Grimmauld place, with Black. Love, guidiance, protection, family. Back to school, Umbridge cutting feather, Umbridge being nasty, Snape being nasty, everybody being nasty. Dumbledores Army, Vision of Arthur attack, Occlumency lessons, Snape raping his mind, teaching the armystrong defense class, being found out, Dumbledore running off, kids feeling alone, fred and George running off, vision of Sirius being held captive, Snape brushing the boys cry for help of, kids running off to ministry, Sirius killed by bellatrix Ron almost dying-.

He felt the sensation of being kicked out of someones mind and a second later looked at the almost crying boy.

"Sorry-" Harry said and wiped his eyes. "It's just hard. This body is so weak," he explained wiping his eyes again.

"Don't worry. Let's eat first," he said as he saw the waitress coming forward. He simply ordered for them both and looked at the eleven year old boy.

"You are strong," he said sternly as the boy avoided his eyes. " You fought the most evil wizard and lived to tell of it. You are strong. Don't doubt yourself," He repeated and Harry nodded briefly, reassuring and strengthening himself.

"Take another glimpse. Food will take a while. Now comes the most interesting year for us. That's why I am so eager to talk to you," he said and Snape nodded hesitantly.

Harry running after Bellatrix, Voldemort intruding his mind, taking control of him. Harry being back at the Dursleys, alone and injured deeply. Sorrowful. Then at Grimmauld place, painful as he did not want to be there. School, train Malfoy acting funny, trying to find out, beaten by him, Dumbledore taking him under his hoot, Slughorns fanclub, Malfoy sneaking, over-hearing a conversation between Snape and Malfoy, Slughorn teaching Potions, felix felicity. His Potion book, winning, talking to Slughorn of hidden memorie, being thrown out, Ron almost dying of poison, Katy Bell almost killed with necklace. Getting the memory of Slughorn showing Dumbledore, Horcrux explained. Going on the trip, trying to get the Horcrux, coming back, shool invaded by death-eaters. Malfoy disarming dumbledore not able to kill him, Snape coming telling harry to be quiet and hide going up and killed Dumbledore-

Snape ended the memory stream and leaned back in his seat, eyes tearing.

"I wouldn't- I couldn't-," he started, voice almost breaking.

"You would could and did. It's not happened yet, Professor. I am showing you this for a few reasons. But you will need to see the rest to understand. Please," Harry almost begged, his voice filled with pain.

Snape nodded and entered the stream of thoughts, again.

Potter running after him, wanting to kill him, Snape shooting back jinxes. Harry breaking down and Snape running off. Granger, Weasley and Potter making plans to fulfill Dumbledores plan. Searching for the Horcruxes, finding them and then the final fight. The war at hogwarts. Harry finding Snape, getting the memories, forgiving him, Snape dying, finding Voldemort, being killed by him, waking back up and killing him. Rows of dead in Hogwarts, friends students, teachers, parents, dead. Harry feeling responsible. Visiting funerals, praising the dead. Breaking under the weight. Being followed and tortured by deatheaters, having no peace, Ginny being kidnapped, being told to come out of hiding to safe her, Ginny being sent back piece of piece. Harry breaking every contact, dying inside, searching for a way to change everything, finding the papers on the necklace, finding it and using it. Coming back, diagon alley, tonks, lunch, snape being nice, going back Vernon beating him, coming back, searching for his soulmate Hedwig, Snape healing him sitting at dinner - "not every memory is peachy", Harry though sadly and with that ended the tour through his thoughts, impressing Snape slightly with his Occlumency skills.

To be continued...
End Notes:
Okay, I did not update the same day or the next as promised... but here the next chapter is.
It took me a while because I had to sort many things out again, just when everything happened and such.
I had to write this chapter because I wanted Severus to understand what exactly he is dealing with, and I hope he knows now.
The next should be up within the week, if I find the time.
Thanks for leaving reviews, and I tried to do better with my grammar and spelling, I am looking for a beta reader tough, so if someone knows how that beta-thing works, I'd really really appreciate it if they send me a short message or left me a review with an explanation.

uuhh, 12 more days and its christmas, exciting!


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