A Journey to the Past by Firestar
Summary: Harry must go to the past in order to save his parents and his own lives... But what will happen? Will he get out of this mess alive?
Categories: Parental Snape > Biological Father Snape Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required), Draco, James, Lily, Lucius, Remus, Sirius, Wormtail
Snape Flavour: None
Genres: General
Media Type: None
Tags: None
Takes Place: 5th summer
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 31 Completed: No Word count: 50986 Read: 77400 Published: 31 Jan 2005 Updated: 31 Jan 2005
The Diary by Firestar
Author's Notes:
This chapter is dedicated to Lina Inverse the Dramata for her excellent story, "A Jinx to Remember".

@@@@@......@@@@@ = dream

~~~~~~.......~~~~~~~~~= words from diary

Harry opened his eyes and groaning, quickly closed them again. The sunlight streaming into the room hurt his eyes... He could tell he was in the hospital wing.

He felt someone move beside him. Carefully turning around, he saw that it was Severus. He felt mildly surprised.

When Severus moved, Harry closed his eyes again and snuggled closer to the Potions Master. Harry liked the feeling of warmth and he wanted it to last as long as possible.

Beside him, he felt his teacher get up, the warm feeling leaving with him. Harry felt disappointed and amused at the same time; He missed that feeling, yet it felt strange to be able to miss such an icy pretense.

"Wake up, little one," Sev's teasing voice called out and the Gryffindor felt firm hands grip his shoulders, shaking him. "Time for breakfast." The boy was both surprised and pleased at the nickname; he hadn't thought Severus would behave like this, and it felt nice to have someone actually caring for him.

Harry gave up trying to sleep and opened his eyes. He found the Potions Master standing next to the bed, wearing a pair of rumpled black robes. The boy stood up shakily and Severus reached out to steady him. Slowly, they made it to the table and Harry asked, "Why am I all... shaky and weak? What happened? And are you okay?"

Seveus gave his shoulder a reassuring sqeeze. "I'm fine, thanks to the finite incantations you performed and the Energy -Transformation process, but you drained yourself. You need to rest in bed for a few days."

Harry groaned. "Can I at least go back to my dormitories?"

The Potions Master laughed, a clear, ringing sound, like a bell. "You can go to your dormitories for one night and see how you feel. If you feel you need it, you can come sleep in my private quarters."

Harry felt stunned; Severus was going to allow /him/ to stay in his private quarters? "But--- It's alright, I'll stay in my own dorms. I don't want to intrude on your privacy, Severus."

The Potions Master hastened to reassure him. "I don't mind at all, Harry. In fact, your more than welcome to come to my quarters. Now," he added. "Let's get you back to sleep."

Back in bed, Harry complained, "I don't want to sleep anymore!"

"You can't get out of bed yet," the professor insisted. "But you can read if you want." He handed the Gryffindor his school bag.

Harry nodded and reaching into his bag, took out his potions and transfiguration homework. He also pulled out a small, black book. Looking at it, he frowned. "What's this? It's not mine."

"Ron and Hermione found it in the Potions classroom on one of the desks. Since no one else was in the room, they assumed it was yours." Sev checked the clock. "I'm sorry, Harry, but I have a class to teach in ten minutes. I have to go, I'll check on you later." The Potions Master left.

Harry looked back down at the small book. He could feel a sense of ... power, radiating from the book. Which was strange. It seemed to be charmed so that no one other than the owner would be able to open it.

"Alohomora!" Harry tried, practising his wandless magic skills. Nothing happened. Strange, usually, all locked objects opened under the spell. Unless this book was especially protected.

Fortunately, Harry had learned the more powerful opening charm from Sev a few weeks ago. "Verita Accestia!"

With a small click, the book cover swung open. Harry gasped when he read the words written on the first page.

~Diary~

Belonging of

Draco Malfoy, Slytherin

************************

Harry sat, gaping at the page. This book was a /diary???/ And it belonged to /Draco Malfoy/??? Impossible! Yet the words shone as clearly as ever and it was deffinately Dracos' writing.

Harry slowly flipped over to the first page. He couldn't help but feel that he was intruding in the Slytherin's thoughts, but his curiousity got the better of him. Turning the page, he began to read.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

September 1st, First Year

Today is my first day at Hogwarts. I think this is one of the most unhappy days of my life. This morning, my father and I had one of our little 'talks' and he reminded me for the thousandth time that if I didn't get into Slytherin, I would regret in for the rest of my life.

On the train, I met Harry Potter. The boy is truely incredible: his emerald eyes are bright green, and his hair is dark black. I could sense a sort of... power when I was near him. He was sitting next to Ron Weasley, the second youngest child in the Weasley family.

For a second, I felt jealous of Weasley... God, he was lucky, he could get to know Harry, he would be able to make friends with the boy, and no one was there to stop him... How I longed to stay with them, to join them, to get accepted by them. But I know for a fact that that is entirely impossible. Father would never agree... I would loose my life if I did such a thing. As if I didn't get beaten enough as it was.

Hogwarts is a magnificent castle... It's towers are utterly fantastic and the view is wonderful... But of course, my damn Slytherin pride would NEVER allow me to admit to such a thing. Which was exactly why I, along with those gorillas, Crabbe and Goyle, pretended to be unimpressed.

I got sorted into Slytherin. But no matter what happens to me from now on, I will always be a Gryffindor in my heart... The sorting hat only put me in the worst group because I begged to be put there, for I know that I will regret it if I ended up in Gryffindor. Harry, of course, along with Ron, got sorted into Gryffindor... It is only expected of them.

I must go now, before that idiot Crabbe realizes something is up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry finished the entry and found himself gaping. DRACO MALFOY was JEALOUS of RON WEASLEY!!!??? How could this be happening? And was that MALFOY who said that he was a GRYFFINDOR in his heart???!!! IMPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Harry blinked and reread the entry to make sure his eyes weren't decieving him. They weren't. There was only one way to find more information. And that was to read on.

For the rest of the day, Harry sat in bed, reading. He stopped only to eat lunch. He read through Dracos' second and third years, then the forth, then the fifth. He soon started on the sixth year, with some recent entries. One, written just two days ago, was especially stunning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 10th, Sixth Year

I recieved a letter from father today. He wants to see me in the clearing by the Forbidden Forest in a week. He wants to bring me to Voldemort so that I can become a Death Eater. How can I tell my father that I don't WANT to become one? I don't want to be like him: evil, heartless, and cold. I don't want to work for that damn git, Voldemort... I don't want to be the cause of all the wickedness and pain in this world. I only want to have an enjoyable childhood, though that is impossible at the moment. The only way THAT can happen is if I can get away from my parents, and there is no way in this world that that will occur. After all, who would want the pathetic Draco Malfoy, son of those gits, Lucius and Narcissa, and every bit as damn arrogant as his father? No one, that's who. There's no one in this world who cares for me, no where I can go... Potter always smirks at me when I see him and makes nasty comments, but I don't blame him. I am worthless, cowardly, pitiful... Maybe he is right after all. Maybe I deserve what's happening. Or maybe it would be easier if I take my own life. For me, there is no point in living, no point in existing. But then, I'm not brave enough to kill myself... If I were, I would have been sorted into Gryffindor. Right now, life is a living hell. I have to deal with my parents, deal with Voldemort, put on an act as 'the arrogant git', pretend to be 'the obediant son', and deal with my own guilt for acting so cowardly.

Everyone thinks the Slytherins get along together; they have no idea how wrong they are. In public, I appear to be the leader, yet in private, I get tormented and tortured every day. Last time, Parkinson put the Cruciatus curse on me because my father asked her to give me a little 'lesson' for disobeying him... God, it hurt, I can remember the pain as if it was yesterday...

I have to leave for lessons now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry couldn't believe his eyes. Draco Malfoy thought of himself as worthless? Then he must be an incredibly good actor... No one in their right minds would ever think Draco thought of himself as powerless... And DAMN that Lucius Malfoy...

As Harry closed the diary, a sheet of paper fell out. Harry saw that it was the letter from Lucius to Draco in which Draco had mentioned in his diary. As Harry read, his hands clenched into fists, his eyes blazed fury as he saw the way Lucius talked to his son, to words Lucius used to 'order' Draco. How DARE that git treat his son like that...

Harry was broken from his thoughts by a knocking on the Hospital Wing door. Harry waved his hand and the door clicked open.

Severus entered, looking worried. "All you alright, Harry?" He asked. "You look pretty pale."

"I'm fine," Harry replied harshly.

Severus inwardly flinched as he heard Harry's tone of voice and saw the supressed rage burning in those emerald eyes. What had he done wrong now?

"Harry, it's obvious something's wrong. I demand to know what it is," The Potions Master said firmly.

Harry lost control. "Oh, you DEMAND to know whats' wrong, don't you? How like a teacher. Well, I refuse to tell you. So, what are you going to do now, /Professor/?" The Gryffindor's tone was mocking.

Severus took several deep breaths. He had to keep his emotions in check, no matter what happened. Harry's words stung; it hurt to be treated like this, to be treated like an enemy once more... Whatever was going on, he wasn't going to get it out of the boy now. Besides, he wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to keep his pain hidden. "You're friends want to see you," he said quietly as he left the room.

A second later, Ron and Hermione burst through the door. "Whoa, mate!" Ron said when he saw Harry. "What did you do to Snape? He looked absolutely broken-hearted when he left, though he managed to glare at us."

Harry immediately felt ashamed; he had no reason to be angry at his professor... And now, he had hurt Severus. "Nothing," he said in a quiet but dangerous voice, warning Ron not to ask any more questions on the topic.

"Um... Harry," Hermione started hesitantly. "We wanted to ask you something about what happened yesterday between you and Snape, but maybe now isn't the time..." she started edging towards the door.

"No," Harry said firmly, and waved his hands. The door locked with a click. "What do you want to ask me?"

"Well," Ron began. "What's going on between you and Snape? I mean, something's obviously happening, or else, you wouldn't have reacted that way when he collapsed into the dungeons yesterday."

"I guess I owe you and explanation," Harry sighed. So he began to speak, explaining about how he had collapsed that day when he tried to go to the Potions dungeon, and how Severus and Draco had found him. For the first time, it occured to him that Draco had saved him, that Draco had run to Severus right away without torturing or teasing him. He hadn't realized it until then.

Ron and Hermione just sat and gaped at him as he finished. "So..." Hermione asked after a moment of silence. "He doesn't... yell at you or anything?"

Harry hung his head. "No, he doesn't, but I just yelled at him for no reason at all."

Ron just looked at him wordlessly for a second. "And he didn't threaten to expell you?" he asked incredulously.

Harry shook his head, feeling ashamed.

"Well," Ron said after a while. "We've bothered you for long enough. We'll just let you rest." With that, the two still awed Gryffindors left the Hospital Wing.

Harry was feeling incredibly tired. He laid down and slid into a restless sleep.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Bellatrix Lestrange and Sirius were battling, shooting spells at each other. Suddenly, Bellatrix screamed, "Avada Kedavra!" A spell shot towards Harry's godfather and contacted with a sickening, green flash. Sirius' face contorted with supressed pain as Voldemort's laugh rang through the air.

"Sirius!" Harry screamed. "Come back!"

Sirius slowly became a misty figure before Harry's eyes. The figure faded into nothingness.

"SIRIUS!" Harry yelled, tears streaming down his face.

There was no answer. Instead, a foggy form of another figure appeared. As the figure became clearer, Harry saw that it was Cedric.

The boy looked at him with anger and hatred in his eyes. "It's your fault!" He snapped. "You killed me, and now, you've killed you godfather. It's because of you that this wizarding world is a disaster!"

"No..." Harry moaned. "Please... I didn't know..."

But the form of Cedric also faded. Now, two other figures appeared. It was Lily and James.

"It's your fault, Harry," James said coldly, his voice ringing through the air. "Maybe it's a good thing we're not alive any longer; it would shame us to call you our son."

"NO!!!" Harry screamed once more, unable to stop his tears. "I didn't know!!!"

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

"Harry, Harry!"

Harry was vaguely aware of the faint voice calling his name.

"Harry, wake up, it's okay! You're safe..."

Harry slowly opened his eyes and found himself in Severus' arms. The Potions Master's concerned eyes looked at him. "What happened?"

"Nightmare," Harry whispered hoarsely as he threw himself into his teacher's arms and began to sob. "I-I-I'm sorry, Severus.... So sorry for yelling at you..."

"It's okay...." Severus said, stroking Harry's hair awkwardly. He was still uncomfortable with close human contact.

After a few minutes, Harry calmed down a little.

"Do you want to talk about your dream?" Severus suggested.

"I-I-I... Sirius was dieing, and Cedric came..." Harry slowly explained what he had dreamed.

"Harry," the Potions Master said softly. "t's not your fault Sirius died. And Cedic and your parents' death aren't your fault either. I knew Lily." At this, a faraway look formed in the teacher's eyes. "She wouldn't want you to feel like this."

"I'm sorry..."

"Child," Severus said, surprising both Harry and himself by this word. "It's alright, you have nothing to be sorry about."

Harry was silent for a moment. "What time is it?"

"About six. You were asleep for the whole afternoon after your friends left."

"I'm hungry," the boy said quietly. "Could I get something to eat?"

"Sure," the professor said, and a red bell appeared in his hands. He pulled it.

There was a loud crack and Dobby appeared. "Professor Snape and Harry Potter, sir!" He exclaimed delightedly, completely oblivious to the tension in the air. "Would Harry Potter like some food, sir?"

Harry nodded.

"Dobby bring food, sir, bring Harry Potter, sir, favourite food, sir," There was a loud crack and the elf disappeared. A few minutes later, a tray appeared on the table, including chicken noodle soup, custard creams, and a cup of energy potion.

While Harry was eating, he showed Severus Draco's diary. "It was the black book I found in my bag," he said. "I was just reading Malfoy's letter when you came in, that was why I was angry."

Harry watched his professor's expression as he read the diary, saw how the Potions Master's icy black eyes hardened, how his face darkened.

"I see..." The teacher said when he finally put down the book. "You had every reason to be mad, Harry. NO ONE deserves to be treated like this." His eyes suddenly lit up, an idea forming in his mind.

"What's wrong?"

"Harry," Severus said slyly. "How would you like to join Mr. Malfoy in the field of the Forbidden Forest next week?"

Harry smirked as he realized what Sev was getting at. "That would be my pleasure, Severus, my pleasure..."

******************

Harry headed up to his dorm.

"If you don't feel up to it, you can come sleep with me tomorrow," Severus called behind him.

"Okay," The Gryffindor agreed as he walked up the stairs and his teacher disappeared from view. He headed over to his bed and was about to sleep when he spotted a golden flash on the blanket. What was it?

Moving closer, Harry whispered, "Lumos!" The light lit up his bed and he found a small, golden book. Beside the book was a piece of paper, written in elegant writing. It read,

Harry,

This used to belong to your mother. I think it's time you find out the truth about your parents. Use it well.

Harry felt slightly unnerved. This used to belong to his mother? Who had given it to him, and why? And what did they mean about the truth of his parents? There was only one way to find out.

Taking a deep breath, Harry turned the page.

To be continued...


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