"Harry?" A voice called, "Madam Pomfrey said you should wake up and try and eat something."

Harry didn't want to acknowledge the voice that was talking to him. He wanted to stay asleep, although his dreams had been uneasy.

What he really wanted was for the last few hours to be a bad dream. Barring that, he wanted to go to sleep and never wake up.

He carefully tried to turn his head. It would move now, and his neck didn't hurt. He cracked his eyes open, but he couldn't see the speaker. The room was dim, lit with the bedside lamp, rather than the overhead.

It wasn't Professor Snape's voice. Harry was glad of that. He wasn't sure he could ever face Snape again. How many times was he going to go to pieces in front of the man? Oh god, why did he have to go mental in front of Snape?

He took a deep calming breath, reminding himself that it could have been worse. At least he knew that Snape couldn't have a worse opinion of him.

"What..?" he rasped, his voice barely audible. He coughed, cleared his throat and tried again, "What time is it?" that time his voice was stronger, although still quite rough.

"Six o'clock." replied the man. He was sitting in a chair, near his head, Harry realized. He placed the voice. It was Professor Lupin.

"You should really wake up, now." Professor Lupin said again, gently, "You need some food to go along with all those healing potions." he leaned forward to shake Harry's shoulder.

Harry scooted away from the hand. Professor Lupin pulled it back. Harry couldn't really see the man's expression and tried not to look at him as he fumbled to put on his glasses, "Not hungry." Harry muttered. He did need to use the loo, but remembering Snape following him there earlier, he didn't like to say anything about it.

"Well, Madam Pomfrey wants you to try to eat something. I'm sure you want to use the bathroom, as well." Lupin seemed like he was trying to be kind, "Why don't you do that first? You'll probably want to get dressed as well. The Headmaster is supposed to be here sometime this evening."

At the mention of the headmaster, Harry's stomach dropped, "Wh-why's he coming?" Harry asked. Most likely, after this latest fiasco, Snape was ready to be rid of him, "Am I going to St. Mungo's, after all?" Harry blurted.

Lupin seemed to look at him in surprise for a moment. He shook his head and raised an eyebrow at him, giving Harry a mildly reproving look that was also somehow sympathetic, "No, Harry. Professor Snape is most adamant about that. He told me to tell you to put your mind at rest, should it come up."

"Oh." Harry wasn't sure what to say now, so he didn't say anything for a few minutes. He just sat there. Lupin didn't speak either.

At last, the silence became too awkward. He swung his feet out of bed to stand shakily. Lupin stood up to steady him, then summoned some clothes out of Harry's still mostly-packed trunk.

The professor handed him a pullover and a pair of jeans. Harry sort of expected the man to leave, but realized that Lupin was indeed following up on Snape's threat that they would keep him in sight, at all times. Much to Harry's relief, Lupin tactfully looked out of the darkened window. Harry got dressed in a hurry.

"Uhh...I do need to use the bathroom." whispered Harry, when he was done, feeling completely humiliated.

Lupin nodded, opened the door and followed him to the bathroom. Like Snape, he stood in the doorway while Harry relieved himself.

Harry wondered how long this punishment would go on. This was probably something that Snape had devised to put him in his place. It was just Snape's style, to embarrass Harry as much as he possibly could.

"Why're you here?" Harry asked bluntly, as they went back to his room.

Lupin's kindly eyes regarded him, "I'm here to help Professor Snape look after you."

The bed had been made while they were gone. Harry threw himself onto his bed, having nowhere else to sit. The room only had one chair, "I'm fine." Harry said, putting his back up against the head board and crossing his arms across his chest.

"You are not fine" Lupin said softly, "I can see that you've been under tremendous stress for some time. It would help to talk about it."

Harry didn't reply. He was not going to talk about this with Lupin.

Or anyone.

He felt a terrible urge to cry, but he willed it back. He'd made enough of an idiot of himself in front of Snape, without Lupin witnessing it.

Lupin looked into Harry's face and sighed. He seemed about to say something else, but a knocking came from the front door downstairs. Harry heard the door open, Snape's voice, too low to make out the words and then the Headmaster's voice.

They'd probably told Dumbledore all about Harry's stunt. The man was probably coming to have a talk with him about it.

Harry felt sick at the thought. He would have to rehash the whole thing. He drew his knees up to his chest and put his head on them.

"I don't want to talk to anyone." he muttered.

"Harry, listen," Lupin looked at him kindly and Harry averted his eyes, "We do need to talk about what happened last night, but nothing you say will go beyond this room, if you don't want it to."

Harry shrugged and turned his face down, onto his knees. He heard Snape's halting tread on the stairs.

"Harry?" the man's use of his first name made Harry jerk his head up, in shock.

Snape stood in the hallway, leaning heavily on his cane again, "The Headmaster wishes to speak with you." Snape's face was dark with anger. Harry wondered how long it would be before the man read him the riot act.

Harry pulled his knees tighter to his chest. For all that Snape would probably shout at him the minute the other wizards left, Harry thought that was preferable than talking to the headmaster. Snape might rant and rave, he might be a complete bastard, but he hadn't sent Harry to live with the Dursleys. He hadn't sent the Minister of bloody Magic to talk Uncle Vernon into taking him back. For all Harry knew, Vernon's brand of discipline was exactly what Dumbledore had had in mind when he sent him there.

"Do I have to?" he asked, although he realized what the answer to that would be.

Lupin looked questioningly at Snape.

Snape replied, harshly, "No. As a matter of fact. If you don't want to see Dumbledore, at the moment, you don't have to."

That shocked Harry almost as much as Snape using his name.

"However, you do need to eat." Snape went on, "Lupin, will you give the headmaster Harry's apologies and see him out? I told him that it was probably too soon for Harry to speak with anyone, regardless. I'm sure you and Dumbledore can manage without us." he gave Lupin a nasty look.

"Of course, Severus." replied Lupin, seeming not to notice Snape's angry tone, "And then, I wanted to pop back to the castle for a little while."

Snape nodded, curtly, "Have you told Harry?"

Again, Snape used Harry's first name..

"Tell me what?" Harry asked.

Lupin smiled broadly, "I found your dog. He was running loose in the Forbidden Forest. I'm going to go and get him, since Professor Snape said it would be all right."

Harry stared, dumbfounded at Snape, who sat in the chair Lupin vacated.

A warm light clicked on in Harry's chest, "Sir? Snuffles is alive?" he could hardly believe it, "And, I can have him here?".

Snape smiled a little, seeming almost human, suddenly, "Yes, I think so." He flicked his wand. Two bowls of soup and a tea pot appeared on the desk.

"See you later, then, Harry." Lupin told him, cheerfully.

Snape used his wand to levitate the soup to Harry, "Eat." he ordered, "You hardly touched your lunch. I need to give you another healing draught and it may make you sick to your stomach if you don't eat."

"Yes, sir." Muttered Harry. He was more uncertain what to do around Snape than ever.

Snuffles was alive and coming here, though. That fact alone was enough to make Harry want to cry again, this time with relief. Instead, Harry concentrated on getting the soup into his mouth. The warm food made him feel much more stable. He wondered if Snape had put a calming draught into it, although it didn't seem to smell of socks.

Snape was eating his own meal at the desk. He looked deep in thought.

"Tell me, Harry," began Snape, slowly in a low voice, "What were you thinking? Why last night?"

Harry began to shake a little and his interest in food evaporated, "I don't know." he said, honestly, "It just seemed like a good idea at the time."

"So, you hadn't been planning this long?" Snape caught his eyes with his penetrating gaze. Harry was completely sure the man was reading his mind, "When did you first start thinking about it?"

Harry swallowed, put the remains of his soup on the bedside table, hugged himself. Snape wouldn't look away.

The front door opened, closed. Lupin and Dumbledore must have just left.

"I-I guess when Neville died." whispered Harry, at last, "I just started wondering what it would be like..."

"The parallels between your life and Mr. Longbottom's life are rather striking, I admit." Snape nodded, "Had you thought of a method, even at school?"

Harry shifted uncomfortably, "No...not really...I just wondered about...things...like how it would feel...and stuff."

"How it would feel to die?" Snape asked in a low voice.

Harry shrugged.

"It never occurred to you that anyone would be upset by your demise?" Snape asked.

Again, Harry shrugged. He assumed lots of people would talk about how upset they were, but really, they'd get over it. They all had their families and each other. His family was already dead, after all. He didn't have anyone who'd really miss him.

Snape sighed, "I assure you, I myself was ecstatic that I was in time."

Harry started to open his mouth to make some snarky comment, when he stopped, remembering how Snape hadn't hesitated to do whatever it was he'd done for Ginny. He changed what he was about to say, "I'm your responsibility." he mumbled.

Snape nodded soberly, "More than that, however." Snape pulled up his left sleeve and leaned forward, showing Harry the inside of his arm. It was curiously scarred. There were rough places on it, that almost looked like it was some kind of symbol, if you squinted at them. Overshadowing that, however, was a long, fine, white line. It was the thinnest of ridges, running from the base of his palm almost to his inside elbow, "I begin to see that we have much more in common than I had imagined."

Snape pulled his sleeve back down. Harry's gaze when back to Snape's tightly controlled face. The man's eyes looked hollow.

"Did...did you do that to yourself?" asked Harry, aghast, "Why do you still have the scar?"

"It was a curse I invented." Snape said, his voice devoid of inflection, "I refused to give Madam Pomfrey the counter curse, until it was too late to prevent the scar. It is harder than one would think to kill oneself, I discovered."

"Why?" Harry's voice was no more than a whisper.

Snape closed his eyes, "Nothing dramatic, in retrospect." he said, "My father had begun to suspect certain things about me. Things that were even worse than my being quiet, bookish and a wizard." his eyes snapped open.

Thinking about how Uncle Vernon acted with Dudley, Harry could well believe that Snape's father might resent a "swotty little Nancy-boy", as Vernon referred to anyone with more academic acheivment than Dudders (which meant almost everyone). However, that would lead one to other surprising conclusions, "Your father didn't like magic?" Harry asked, astounded, "But then, why did he marry a witch?"

"Ah, it was something of a wand point wedding. What your Aunt accused your mother of doing, my mother actually did. My father had not desired my birth, you see. In those days, an honorable man married a girl he had 'gotten in trouble'. My father fancied himself just that honorable. And, there's a sort of man who loves the idea that he has fathered a son to follow in his footsteps. I was a great disappointment to him."

Snape's mouth curved up at the corner in a self-deprecating little smile."His views on it were only slightly less extreme than your Uncle's" Snape finished quietly. He finally turned away, back to the desk. He poured two cups of tea, handing one to Harry.

"Why are you telling me this?" Harry asked, when he found his voice.

Snape's black eyes were distant. Rather than looking at Harry, he gazed somewhere over Harry's right shoulder. Harry thought Snape looked older, suddenly.

Snape took a sip of his tea, swallowed. Just when Harry thought Snape wasn't going to reply, he said, "I suppose I'd like you to understand that you're not alone, anymore."