The Hogwart's grounds were covered in snow. Great fluffy flakes were falling out of a low sky, that was slowly turning black. Severus was using his wand to clear the ice from the Astronomy Tower. He set up the telescope he carried, although, in this weather, it seemed a trifle futile. Then, he remembered that it wasn't stars they intended to watch.

Vaguely, he thought that Lupin needed a better telescope. Perhaps he'd ask Iris if she could make some better lenses. It was very hard to see Harry, from here.

Light footsteps clicked up the stone steps. Severus turned to see Neville Longbottom smile at him, from the archway. It was not an expression he'd ever seen on Longbottom's face before. For some reason, Severus felt a faint tinge of horror at seeing the child.

"Hello, Professor." The boy said, coming forward. He spoke to Severus without the cringing obsequiousness that had been such an irritant. He didn't say anything else, just came to stand beside the man, looking over the grounds. Severus tried to cover his discomfort by fiddling with the nobs of the telescope, and looking through the eyepiece. There was something very wrong with the boy standing there, but Severus couldn't think what it was.

"Thank you, sir" Longbottom said, finally.

"I beg your pardon?" Severus asked, uneasily, glancing at the boy beside him.

"You saved Ginny. You didn't need to." Longbottom's voice was thick.

"Of course I did," snapped the older Wizard, "She's a student. I'm responsible..."

"Not for her." Longbottom contradicted him, softly, "If you hadn't offered, Madam Pomfrey wouldn't've used Tribuo Vita. It wouldn't have occurred to her to ask you to. It's just too much to ask."

Severus shook his head, irritably, "Don't be ridiculous. Minerva..."

"Offered. The same as you did. She understood what she was doing." Neville (when did the boy become "Neville"?) looked pensively out over the grounds again.

The boy nudged Severus' elbow, after a minute, "There he is." the young Wizard pointed.

Severus looked through the telescope, turning it the way the child directed.

On one of the black, leafless trees, a figure hung from a rope, several feet off the ground.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" gasped Severus, flicking his wand at the figure, causing the rope to slacken, "Spiro!" He prayed that his spell would be effective, with him so far away.

Cursing the anti apparition wards, Severus leapt to the top of the wall, and threw himself off.

Halfway down, he realized he could NOT remember a single hover or cushioning charm. Nor any other spell which would save his life from this fall.

"I'm sorry, Harry." he groaned, to himself, "I'm sorry." The fear he felt wasn't for himself, but for the boy. Lily's boy. The boy was going to be alone again, and for some reason, that was unbearable.

Much to his surprise, Severus' fall slowed, and he found himself set gently onto his feet, on the snowy ground. James Potter held out his wand, obviously responsible.

"I'm sorry, Snape." The other man said, "I'm sorry." He looked so like Harry, it made Severus heart lurch in his chest, "Tell Harry...tell him, I love him. Tell him thatI'm sorry I couldn't stay." James dropped his wand tip, turned his face away and walked off into the swirling snow.

The grim clouds swallowed James' figure and Dementors emerged from the blackness where he had disappeared.

Without Severus casting her, his Patronus appeared at his side. Dementors swooped futilely, warded away by her influence.
She turned to look a him, and Severus realized she was no longer a doe. She...no...HE was a yearling stag, with small antler spikes, barely longer than his ears.
Severus stared at the creature, unsure of the implications.

Harry stood beside him, now. On the other side than the young stag, "I'm here, Professor." The child's voice was hollow, defeated. Severus turned to face the child. Pale as death, livid rope marks around his neck, "If I'd just died when I was supposed to, I wouldn't be such a burden on everyone." Harry tried to smile, but it came out as a grimace, "Maybe, you should have just let me go."

Severus put both his hands on the child's shoulders, "I will not. You are my responsibility."

The boy looked up, his eyes so shadowed, they were black, behind his glasses, "You don't want me. You're just doing your duty."

There were people standing around him, Severus sensed, watching them, judging his reaction. Another time, that might have made him retreat into reticence. Say less than he meant, for fear of ridicule, or exposing a weakness.

There was no time for that, though; Lily's son stood there, demanding some answer. Pain written over every tense line of his young body.

Severus gazed down into the boy's black eyes (no, wait, that wasn't right. Didn't Harry have green eyes?), "Listen to me," Severus growled, softly, "Love can't exist without Duty. Without responsibility, it's nothing but a greeting card sentiment." he squeezed the child's shoulders.

"Love?" faltered the boy, "Love?"

Severus jerked his chin at the Silver Stag, "You see?"

The sound of a door opening woke Severus.

"Professor?" whispered the boy, "I brought up some tea. Did you want breakfast? You've been asleep since supper, last night." He sounded like he didn't like to wake Severus up, if he was really asleep.

Severus struggled to sit up. The boy stood there, tea tray in hand. The curtains were half open and sunlight poured into the room.

"Thank you, Harry." Severus said, feeling bemused, still in a fog between sleeping and waking. He looked closely at Harry. The boy's eyes were indeed green, not black.

Harry smiled tentatively at Severus. It was a fleeting expression; he bit his lip, and looked away, after a second, "Should I put it in the breadbox?" he asked, nodding at it.

"No, I'll have it here, thank you." Severus said, shaking himself.

Harry settled the tray onto Severus' lap, "I'll be back for the tray, in a bit." he said, quietly.

"Wait, a minute, Harry." The older Wizard said.

The boy turned around at the door, looking wary.

Have you eaten?" asked Severus.

Harry shrugged, "Not really hungry." he said, "Professor Lupin said I could eat later."

Severus rolled his eyes, "Did Lupin give you your potions this morning?"

"Yessir." The child muttered, crossing his arms across his chest, sullenly.

"Did you take them?" Severus asked slowly, as though addressing a five year old.

Harry shrugged, "Not yet." He admitted.

Severus resolved to have a word with Lupin, "Those potions are not optional. Neither is eating." He paused, looking a Harry searchingly. The child's eyes had dark circles under them, and he was still far too pale for Severus' comfort.

There was a lid over over Severus' plate of food. He assumed Lupin must have conjured it, because nothing like this existed in his kitchen. He slid it off, and eyed the exceptionally large portion.

He pulled his wand from underneath his pillow. With a wave, he conjured a plate and extra fork from the kitchen. With precise movements, he dished half the omelet onto it.

"Here," he held the plate out to Harry, which the boy took, "Sit." he indicated the end of the bed. Still wary, the child perched with the plate in one hand. Another flick of his wand summoned Harry's potions, which landed on the tea tray.

Severus took the lid off of the little bottle with the blue potion, handed it to Harry, "Take that one now."

"Yessir." Not the most polite tone, but the boy complied.

With the child fed, Severus felt like he could attend to his own meal. After a few bites, he asked, "Did you make this?"

Harry shook his head, "No, Professor Lupin cooked." he said thickly, with his mouth full. He put his hand over his mouth when he realized it, clearly waiting for a reprimand.

Severus ignored it. Lapses in table manners were to be expected, with this potion, "I like yours better." he said, instead.

"Oh. Erm. Thank you?" the younger Wizard replied uncertainly.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Severus didn't have much of an appetite. He put his fork down and drank his tea,

Harry looked at what Severus had left on his plate, "Shouldn't you eat more?" he asked pointedly.

Severus smiled a little, "No, I'm merely in need of rest."

The boy looked away, "I asked Professor Lupin why you're so worn out. He told me that you gave up a piece of your soul, to bring Ginny back. I think Mrs. Weasley might have said something about it, too. He said it was a very dangerous spell." Harry looked back, "You were going to do it on your own, weren't you?"

It was Severus' turn to look away, "If I'd had to." he admitted gruffly.

"But, why?" Harry shifted uncomfortably, "She's not even in your house."

A thrill of unease went through Severus, then. The conversation was uncomfortably like the one Severus had had in his dream, "Why would I allow a student to be hurt, if I could prevent it?" he snapped, "Or did you think that responsibility was somehow a singularly a Gryffindor trait?"

"I didn't mean it like that." The child was defensive, "It's just that Lupin said...He said it damages your soul." Green eyes came to rest on Severus' face, again, "But, you knew that. So...why?"

"Because I was there, and I could, I suppose." The potion's master sighed, "It will heal." Severus looked sharply at the dark haired child, "Why did you follow Ginny Weasley into the Chamber of Secrets, rather than go and find a teacher?"

Harry shifted uncomfortably, "We did look for a teacher, we took Lockhart."

"I should have specified a competent teacher." The older Wizard snorted, "Nonetheless, why didn't you seek out one of the other professors, when it was clear that Lockheart was a fraud?"

For some reason, that made Harry's mouth twist, as though he'd bitten something sour, "Because no one would listen." he hissed, "No one ever listens." his eyes were bleak. He wasn't merely talking about that one instance.

"What happened the night they took you back to your uncle's?" Severus asked, gently. He'd been wanting to ask for a while, this seemed like a good opening.

Harry stood, piled his finished plate onto the tea tray, took Severus' empty tea cup and picked up the tray. He didn't say anything, just pressed his lips together, and then, "I don't want to talk about it."

"I would like an answer." Severus grated harshly, when it seemed like Harry was just about to take the tray and leave the room, "Sit down."

Harry put the tray on the little table. He sat back down at the end of the bed, looking at his hands, "You already heard." he said, quietly.

"I heard that you blew up your Aunt, because she said things about your parents. I also heard that Shacklebolt found you, and Fudge took you back to the Dursley's." Severus said, going back to his gentler tone of voice, "It seems, that your relatives had to be convinced to take you back. How did Fudge manage?"

The boy sighed, clenched his hands together, studying his thumbs. The knuckles on his hands got white, before he spoke, "I told him that Uncle Vernon was going to go mad." his voice barely above a whisper, "Fudge just told me that it served me right, running away and making everyone worry, that something happened to me." A bitter smile curved the boy's lips, "Uncle Vernon would have been happier if something had happened."

Harry paused, swallowed, "Fudge said to me, if I was his son, I'd get a hiding I wouldn't soon forget." Harry looked up at Severus, "I didn't hear a lot of what he said, after that. I sort of tuned it out. I just remember him telling Uncle Vernon that I just had a little too much energy. That I needed to be taken in hand. Marge suggested a cane and Fudge said that it had never done him any harm, as a lad."

Severus closed his eyes, it was entirely too easy to see how that was interpreted by Dursley.

He swung his feet out of bed, scooting down towards where Harry was sitting. The boy's jaw was clenched, and when Severus put out a hand, he flinched away and put up his own hand, palm out, warding Severus off.

The older wizard drew back, "I'm sorry." He said simply.

Harry's cheeks flared red, and he dropped his hand.

Severus and Harry both froze, as they heard a knock on the front door.

The sound of footsteps, human and dog as Lupin went to answer it.

"Yes?" Lupin said, politely.

"Oh, hello." said Mrs. Cook's voice, uncertainly.

Severus growled to himself. Lupin had no idea how to talk to Muggles.

"Are Severus and Harry still here?" She asked, sounding concerned, "I know that Severus has been ill and I haven't seen Harry in a few days. I was getting worried."

"Ah. Erm. He's fine," said Lupin, awkwardly. "I'm sorry, I just got here a few nights ago. You are...?"

"Mrs. Cook. from next door. Ah...and are you..."

"Remus Lupin. I'm just here to help Severus, what with him being ill and Harry..."

"Oh. What happened to Harry?" Mrs. Cook was uncomfortably perceptive to Lupin's concerned tone.

There was a pause. Severus looked at the boy to see how he would take Lupin's next words. Harry was white as a sheet, his hands fisted around the blanket.

Lupin replied smoothly, enough, "Nothing terribly serious. He's just...well, feeling a little isolated. I had another commitment, or I would have come with them from the start.

"You're a...friend...of Severus, then?" Mrs. Cook put a bit more emphasis on the word than she needed to.

Lupin, unused to Muggle customs and unaware of their prejudices, didn't catch her meaning, "Oh, yes. We've known each other since our schooldays. And, I work with him. I teach at the same school, and I'm the school counselor." Poppy must have given him that phrase.

"Oh, that's nice." Severus knew, if he could see her, she'd be beaming, "It's good to see someone looking after Severus, finally."

Severus knew he was going to have to shut Lupin up, sharpish. He pulled his wand from under his pillow and transfigured his pajamas into a sweater and trousers. He was not going to talk to the woman in his dressing gown again.

He tucked his wand into his sleeve and snatched up his cane. He staggered down the stairs, to do what he could to salvage the situation, before it got any more out of hand.

The dog brushed by him in a rush, looking for his master. Severus heard Harry's bedroom door shut, as the boy took the opportunity to escape the awkward conversation.

Severus did his best not to growl. He made his slow way to the door, with both of them staring at him, "Mrs. Cook." He said, as politely as he could.

"Hello, Severus. " Mrs. Cook said, cheerfully, "I just wanted to remind you of my invitation to tea, this afternoon. As your still here?"

Good god, was it Sunday already?

Lupin jumped in to speak before Severus could stop him, "That's very kind of you. What time?"

The elderly woman beamed, "4:00?" she asked.

Severus considered telling both of them to go to hell. For some reason, however, he found himself reluctant to hurt the 's feelings. He nodded, curtly.

This soft heartedness must be a result of the damned spell. He snorted to himself, soft headedness, more like.

"I'll see you, then." Her eyes twinkled like Dumbledore's on a good day.

Lupin shut the door behind her, when she turned to go.

"You. Are. An idiot." Snarled Severus.

The man at the bottom of the stairs, turned to look up at him, eyebrows raised, "I'm not sure I understand, Severus." he said, in that mild voice that just infuriated Severus.

A glance up the stairs showed that Harry's door was firmly shut. He'd taken his dog into his room, else the thing would have been still there, scrabbling at the door.

Severus pulled out his watch. "Bedroom," the hand that had HJP said. Nowhere near either Mischief or Mortal Peril. He'd modified the spell to include self harm under the category of Mischief. He tucked it back into his pocket.

Deeming it safe enough for now, Severus beckoned Lupin into the front room. He closed the door, and cast a one way silencing spell.

"You do realize, you've given that woman the idea that we have an intimate relationship, do you not?" Severus hissed.

Lupin looked at Severus blankly, "I beg your pardon?"

Severus threw himself down on his chair. He was trembling with anger. Terrible scenes with his father ran through his mind. Everything was so raw, as though it had happened yesterday.

"Severus?" Lupin stared at him with some concern, "Are you all right?"

"No, I'm not bloody all right." Severus snarled, "And this afternoon, I will go and Obliviate that conversation from that woman's mind."

Lupin just looked confused, "Because, she thinks we're together? Why on earth should she care?"

Fucking Pure Blood bastard, thought Severus, savagely. He kept his voice low, however, "Because, it is not always particularly safe to prefer one's own gender, in the Muggle world.

"Sorry?" The other wizard took the chair opposite Severus, and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, "You've completely lost me."

"I have no wish to discuss it, here." Severus shut his eyes. He could feel old Toby's presence oppressing him, although it was impossible that Toby could come back, even as a ghost. He was haunted merely by memory, "Suffice to say, in many Muggle circles, it is as feared and reviled in the same way werewolves are in our world."

He opened his eyes. Lupin stared at him, horrorstruck, "But, why? It can't harm anyone." Like any Pure Blood, Lupin assumed that sexual orientation was only the business of oneself and one's lover.

"There are people who believe otherwise." Grated Severus, "My father was one." he admitted, painfully, "He reacted about as well to the suspicion as Black's parents reacted to his being sorted into Gryffindor."

Lupin paled, his young, worn face taking on a grim cast, "How did you know about that?"

"Regulus. He bragged about it to the whole common room." Severus said, darkly.

Lupin looked away, "So, your father had...a problem with..."

"Lily told my parents she was my girlfriend." Severus said bitterly, "After my father tried to beat the 'unnaturalness' out of me. After I did this" For the second time that week, he pulled up his sleeve to bare his scarred wrist.

He looked into the other man's hazel eyes. Lupin broke off the eye contact to look down at the long white scar.

Lupin made a sort of choking sound, before he said, "I'm so sorry." The other man's voice just oozed with sympathy. He made a movement with his hand, as though to reach out to Severus. He thought better of it, and drew it back

"Shut up." This was not something Severus was going to discuss. Not in this house, that still had memories sunk into the very walls. Abruptly, all the adrenaline ran out of him. Pulling down his sleeve, he tilted his head back against the back of the chair, closed his eyes, "Just, shut up."

It seemed only a second later, when he heard someone calling his name, "Severus?"

"Don't shake him," that was Harry, "He reacts badly to that." He really did sound like Lily.

"Ah. All right." the voice called more loudly, "Severus?"

He opened his eyes, "Mm?" Lupin held out a cup of tea to him. Harry was standing in the doorway with his dog.

"You fell asleep, again." Lupin told Severus.

Severus rubbed one eye with the heal of his hand, took the teacup with the other.

"So, it's all right if I take Snuffles out for a walk?" Harry was asking Lupin.

"Don't be too long." Lupin replied, absently.

The front door opened and shut. Severus abruptly became more awake, "Should he be going out alone, without his wand?" he asked sharply.

Lupin nodded calmly, "The dog will keep him safe enough from most threats, I think. Including himself."

"There's still a bloody dark wizard after him." grunted Severus.

Lupin seemed to start, as though he'd forgotten. Then, "You did say he had a portkey that will bring him back here if someone breaks the wards, did you not?"

Reluctantly, Severus nodded.

"Well, there you are." Lupin smiled. His face grew grave the next minute, and he sat back down in the chair, "I wanted to ask you..." he said awkwardly, "What did Harry mean, yesterday? When he said about his Aunt saying Lily should have gotten rid of him?"

Right then, Severus felt like shaking the man. However, what Petunia had said Lily should do was almost unknown in the Wizarding World, "She's told him his mother should have had an abortion." at the man's blank look, Severus decided to be clearer, "Muggle doctors can safely induce miscarriages in women who, for whatever reason, decide they cannot bear the child."

The other man went absolutely grey. Severus nearly pulled his wand to conjure a bucket, Lupin looked so ill "What?." Lupin gasped, "And this is allowed?"

"Since 1967."

"That...that's barbaric. Inducing a miscarriage in a woman can get you a life sentence in Azkaban." whispered Lupin.

"Not in the Muggle world." Severus snidely informed him, "And, please recall that Muggle women have had reliable contraceptives for only about fifty years. And even they don't prevent all pregnancies."

"But...who doesn't welcome a child?" still whispering.

"Those too poor, too ill, without family or friends." Severus replied tonelessly.

"Oh, surely, when a man hears that he's going to be a father, he doesn't just abandon the woman?" Lupin said, doubtfully.

"Lupin, you were raised among Pure Bloods. Have you noticed how most Pure Blood Wizard families have only one or two children?" Severus snarled, "This interbreeding that the Pure Bloods take part in practically assures that their family lines will fail, unless they take action, unless they introduce some Muggle blood into their lines." He pushed his hair back from his face in agitation, "Regardless, no Pure Blood woman would choose to terminate a pregnancy that her barely fertile husband managed to conceive. Even a woman out of wedlock welcomes a child by a Pure Blood Wizard. She need only apply to the Wizengamot for a Breach of Promise suit, after all."

"Well, why don't they just..."

"You are getting off the point!" Severus shouted. Suddenly he was glad Harry was out of the house, "Whatever you think of the practice, Petunia has been telling Harry for the last twelve years that he should never have been born."

Lupin nodded, "Yes. Yes, of course." he still looked ill, but no longer ready to spew on the carpet, "It will take time to disabuse him of that notion." he paused, "I wish I'd not taken Dumbledore at his word. I wish I'd checked on the child."

"And me." replied Severus.

Both men went silent. The hollowed out place in Severus' soul ached, but not so insistently, now. It seemed that the child's presence was slowly, but surely, filling the empty space.