Lily had gone through the Floo first and had already taken a seat by the desk. Severus took the seat beside her and she gave him a thin smile, but he turned his head away, focusing instead on the antique chess set on the desk.

From his own desk chair, Dumbledore cleared his throat. "You are still able to use the Floo, Lily. I find that most curious."

Severus stole a glance at the woman beside him. She was smiling widely now and her eyes were bright. Dumbledore had insisted that she attempt to use the Floo with assurances that she would be fine. After all, even a squib child could use the Floo. As promised, she had been fine, but Severus wondered how sure Dumbledore really had been.

"I never even considered using the Floo," Lily said, giving a slight shake of the head. "I can't Apparate. I can't even perform the simplest of spells. Whatever gave you the idea that I could Floo?"

Dumbledore stared intently across the desk at Lily. "Your magic cannot be gone. Not completely."

"It's impossible for it to all be gone, isn't it?" she said. "Severus said that it was."

"I would never say anything is impossible." Dumbledore sat back and stroked his long beard. "But Merlin knows, wizards and even some Muggles have been trying for years to discover just how to fully control the magic in a person. As far as I know – and I pride myself in knowing quite a lot – no one has ever fully succeeded."

"But there have been reports of depleting a person's magical energy," Severus pointed out. "The depletion never lasted long, but some were able to do it."

The study had been quite popular in the late seventies and early eighties. Every week the Prophet would have a new, interesting little blurb from those young and old, all eager to be credited with such an amazing discovery. But no discovery significant enough had ever been reported and the general public eventually lost interest in favour of Quidditch, politics, and the trials of accused Death Eaters.

"You honestly believe somebody deliberately removed my magic?" Lily leaned back in her chair and stared at Severus. "Really?"

"Someone imprisoned you in a house for ten years, Lily. I wouldn't put it past them to harm you."

"I wasn't harmed."

Severus scoffed. "Of course not. Your magic just coincidentally disappeared."

Lily turned away and gazed out the window. "But I'd remember if someone did something so horrible to me, don't you think?"

"With all due respect, my dear, I am not certain that you would," said Dumbledore, his calm voice a sharp contrast to Severus' and Lily's. "Tampering with a person's magical core is quite a traumatizing experience. Those who survive rarely do recall the event."

But the survivors who did remember told horrifying tales that, even just listening to, made your skin crawl. Those weren't stories the Prophet told. They weren't for the faint of heart and most certainly not for the general public.

But Death Eaters heard things. They saw things.

Lily turned away from the window and Severus met her resigned eyes. So many times he'd drilled into his Slytherins that life was anything but fair. He'd never wished more than he did now that it was, if only for Lily's sake.

"We'll figure it out, won't we?" she asked, her hand pressed against her stomach.

Severus swallowed. What was he supposed to say? Yes? Absolutely? Don't worry about a thing? He considered himself a realist, and wasn't accustomed to handing out such reassurances. Giving someone a false sense of hope was pointless. Why bother?

And yet he couldn't force himself to speak the truth either.

He released a deep breath, and then said, "We'll get to the bottom of this."

That was the only promise he could rightfully make, that they would make sense of everything. Eventually all the pieces would come together. But he wouldn't stoop so low as to promise that everything would be fixed in the end.

"Yeah. Of course." Lily turned to look down at the fingernail she was picking at.

Lily wasn't stupid, but she had always been a dreamer. Severus hoped she would keep her optimism in check.

"It may take some time, but try not to worry," said Dumbledore. He cleared his throat. "I assume you are aware of the other reasons we are here tonight?'

Lily gave Severus a sidelong look, and then gave a half shrug to Dumbledore. "Somewhat. I think I'm missing some information."

The old wizard nodded. "You have been gone from us a very long time, and much has happened in your absence. Severus and I thought it would be best if he were to inform you of the happenings in the last decade, rather than you having to stumble around blindly for information you have not picked up from the Prophet. Would you not agree?"

She let out a deep breath and leaned heavily against the back of the chair. "That would be wonderful."

"I regret that there will be quite a bit of unpleasantness involved in it all," Dumbledore added. Gone was the twinkle in his eyes. "Lily?"

Lily crossed one leg over the other and lifted her head to meet the headmaster's eyes.

"You will not like what you will hear," Dumbledore said.

"I understand."

"No, no, I am not certain that you do. But we shall see." Dumbledore turned to Severus and, with a grim twist of the mouth, said, "Would you like to begin?"

Not particularly, was what Severus wanted to say. Instead he clenched his jaw shut. Dumbledore could be so infuriating. The man was a damn politician. He could talk for what seemed like forever and by the time he finished, you would realize you didn't understand half of what he told you. Then he would sit there with a pleasant smile on his worn face while you scrambled for a response. Severus hated the old man's games and he despised being used in them. Even knowing that his current circumstances were his own fault didn't help to ease the frustration Severus felt.

He could feel beads of sweat forming on his forehead and despite the many glasses of water he drank earlier, Severus' mouth felt dry as parchment. He rubbed the back of his neck and forced himself to sit up straighter. The sooner he started this, the sooner it would be over.

"I want you to know I'm not making any excuses for the things I've done and said over the years," he began, his words flowing slower than they normally did. He hoped no one noticed. "My childhood might not have been the most pleasant, but that doesn't make my choices, the things I did and said... it doesn't make them right. I'm quite aware of that."

With a lift of the chin, Lily frowned. "I just want to know what's going on."

"Right." Severus cleared his throat. "Growing up, I learned to believe wizards were superior to all others, but the more time I spent at Hogwarts, the more confused I became about all the ideas and beliefs I had set up for myself as a child. I remained in such a confused state until the summer after my fourth year."

Lily closed her eyes. "That was the year you came home to find your mother gone, wasn't it? You were...just so angry after that. All the time."

Severus waved his hand impatiently. "Yes, yes. I said though that isn't an excuse for my actions. That day by the lake... it wasn't intentional. I didn't mean to say that word, that terrible name. It just slipped out."

Lily opened her mouth to speak, but Severus cut her off.

"Wait. Let me finish, please." She nodded and he continued, "But it should never have even slipped out. It shouldn't have even been a part of my vocabulary. But it was, because no matter what you told me, or what my heart told me, I continued to be a part of a lie. I was accepted by many of my fellow Slytherins as an accomplished student of the Dark Arts and I'm ashamed now to say that I was quite proud of that. I was good at something that other people praised me for. They talked about this Dark Lord. You-Know-Who, they said, knew just how terrible and worthless those of Muggle blood were. Purebloods were the truly worthy ones."

"But you're a Half-Blood," Lily pointed out. "I never understood that."

"It makes no sense in hindsight," Severus agreed, rubbing a hand over the knee of his trousers. "But in reality, the Dark Lord had to recruit Half-Bloods. There simply weren't enough Pure Bloods around anymore to support his cause, so it became those strictly of direct Muggle descent that he preyed on."

"If you knew this, then why stay involved in all of it?" Lily asked. Her face looked haunted and Severus forced himself to look away.

"I wanted power. For once in my life, I wanted to be the strong one, the one that wasn't going to be hurt. How foolish I was." He shook his head. "You had every single right to walk away from me that night in our fifth year. You couldn't change me. I was too blind and stubborn, although I didn't realize it then. I'm sure you remember that I tried to get you to change your mind multiple times that summer."

She nodded, a little stiffly. "Of course I do. But I couldn't do it. You were going down a creepy path. I wasn't willing to follow you there and you weren't willing to give it all up."

"I should have." Severus drummed his fingers on the arm of his chair. "If I had been thinking more clearly, I would have seen that there was no comparison between what I was being offered and what I already had. I thought I could have both and when it became clear to me that I couldn't, that I could only choose one, it seemed that it was too late for you and I and our childhood friendship. You had moved on and I could only let you be happy. So I went and followed the only other person I thought would accept me."

An ominous feeling settled in the room. Severus sat there in silence, quite willing to put off this next point in the conversation for as long as he possibly could. Up until this point, the memories and confessions and conversation had been a walk in the park.

Lily gave Dumbledore a sidelong look. "This is it, isn't it? This is the part of the story that Severus has been beating himself up over all week?"

"I am afraid so, my dear. We can only delay things for so long." Dumbledore scratched at the side of his nose.

Severus took a deep breath and stole one last glance at Lily, and then he began the last of his story.

He told her of how he had been befriended by Lucius Malfoy and introduced to Voldemort, who told Severus everything he wanted to hear. By following the Dark Lord, Severus finally thought he'd found the purpose in life that he'd yearned for.

"Within days I had been branded with the Dark Mark," he finished.

Lily bit down on her lip. "I think I always knew that. I mean, I didn't have any proof and I often asked James if he thought you had. He never would say, but I think he knew too," she said and met Severus' eye apprehensively. "May I see it?"

"The Mark?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I think I need to."

"Very well." Severus unbuttoned the left cuff of his shirt and began to roll the sleeve up, revealing a strong arm littered with dark hair, a few scars, and a faded tattoo. "But only for you because I'm not proud of this. In fact, I prefer to try and forget it's there, although that is rather difficult."

With his dark green sleeve rolled up past his elbow, Severus held his left arm out to Lily in resignation. He couldn't bear to watch her as she took it in, so he simply stared at the mark on his arm symbolizing the mistakes of an angry, selfish boy. Having once seemed like a sign of importance, the brand now only served as a constant reminder of death and destruction to the man he had become.

She took his arm in her hands and pulled it closer; getting a clearer look at the ugly tattoo he had allowed himself to be branded with.

"It's faded now," he explained softly. "With the Dark Lord gone, it's not as stark as it once was. But it is still quite visible, which is why I prefer to keep it covered by sleeves, even in the summertime."

It felt quite odd to have it exposed like it was now. He was so used to hiding it, he had to fight the urge to snatch his arm back and cover it up once again. Finally, after a few unnerving minutes, Lily released it and he hastened to roll his sleeve back down.

"I guess I can't say I'm actually surprised," she commented, still looking at his arm.

Severus buttoned his cuff and nodded. "It was the worst mistake I've made in my life. I would do almost anything to be able to change it."

He paused and pulled out his watch. Eight-thirty. Just as he had predicted, this was turning out to be a long night and it wasn't even over yet. The worst was still to come.

"At first, it was rather slow going," Severus said, putting away his watch and continuing the story. Every word felt like a noose around his neck, growing tighter and tighter. Soon, he was certain, he would not be able to breathe, let alone speak. "I started at the bottom, but the Dark Lord could see that I was more than willing to work hard and do whatever was asked of me. It's sickening to think about. I disgust myself to this day for stooping to such a level. But even so, when I was given orders to spy on Dumbledore at the Hog's Head in spring of '79, I jumped at the chance. The Dark Lord knew that Hogwarts was looking for a new professor and he wanted to know who it would be. However I found out more than I'd bargained for."

At this, Dumbledore gave Severus a sympathetic smile and took over that part of the story.

"I was in need of a new Divination teacher," Dumbledore offered up. "Our old professor was planning to retire at the end of term and I needed replacement for him by September. So I set out to interview Sybil Trelawney. I thought I was humouring her. You know I never did put much faith in the practice of Seers and Divination, but she surprised me when she actually gave a real prophecy that night. Severus heard it."

Lily's eyes widened. "Really?"

"I heard part of it," Severus was quick to interject. "I was listening outside the door when Trelawney sounded like she went into some sort of trance. 'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches...' she said, and you can imagine the shock I felt at that. 'Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...'. There was more to it, but unfortunately I was so caught up in what I was hearing, that I didn't hear the barkeeper approach me from behind. I tried to convince him that I was simply lost, but he didn't buy it and I was thrown out."

Lily sat back with a shaky breath and tugged at a strand of hair. "The power to vanquish the Dark Lord? That couldn't mean…"

"Oh, yes." Dumbledore offered a sad smile. "Sybil's prophecy was quite accurate."

"The Dark Lord was enraged to know what I'd overheard, but very pleased with me for bringing the information to him." Severus rubbed at his left arm. "I was immediately made one of his closest confidants, one he was certain he could trust. As such, I was one of the first to know when he had decided that Harry Potter was whom Trelawney's prophecy spoke of... and that he meant to go after the child."

He forced himself to look Lily in the eye. She was not giving off much of a reaction at all at this point. She was apparently waiting for him to continue before she said anything. He wished she would just yell at him, curse him, and walk out the door and never look back.

Damn. He'd let her strangle him or bury him alive at this point. Anything she wanted. But instead she sat there in silence waiting on him to continue, which was, perhaps, even more painful.

"Immediately I went to him and begged him to keep you safe, Lily. Well, technically, I had to ask him that he spare you... for me. Because I, er, said I wanted to have my own way with you," Severus said, feeling himself grow hot under the collar at this admission. He quickly added, "You have to understand, if I simply told him that I loved you, that you were my friend, he would have killed us both."

"I understand," she said quite coolly. It reminded him a bit unnervingly of when she had walked away from him that afternoon after O.W.L.S. in Fifth Year. "You can continue."

"Yes," he said, feeling awkward. "The Dark Lord told me that he'd grant my request, that I could consider it my reward. But I was desperate and went to confess everything to Dumbledore. I was selfish. In my stress and panic, all I asked was that Dumbledore protect you and hide you some place safe. I didn't even think of Harry or James' safety until Dumbledore prompted such. I'm ashamed of that, Lily. I know that my apology means nothing in the great scheme of things, but you have it. I swear to God that I didn't want anything to happen to your husband and child. But they weren't on the top of my priority list either. You were."

He stopped then, not knowing where to go next with the story. He looked at Dumbledore and was both annoyed and relieved when the Headmaster so easily picked up where he'd stopped.

"I was quite disgusted with Severus when he came to me," Dumbledore began freely. "But I agreed to do as he asked in exchange for his service to me. He accepted and he became my spy. I am sure you remember, my dear, how I came to you and James."

Lily nodded. "How could I ever forget?"

"In the end," Severus took up the story once again, "the Dark Lord was gone and Harry survived. James was killed and well, we thought you had been lost too."

Lily sat up straighter and her brows furrowed. "All right. I have a question. What happened that night with Voldemort and Harry?"

"Ah." Dumbledore smiled. "But that is where things get interesting. When you jumped in front of Harry to protect him, you laid down your life for your son and he was protected by an ancient magic. So when Voldemort cast the Killing Curse at your son, it rebounded off him and came back to hit Voldemort himself."

"But I didn't lay down my life for Harry. Not really."

"This is the conclusion I have come to," Dumbledore sat back with an air of confidence. "That was your intention, my dear. You fully intended to die so that Harry might live. The fact that you somehow were transported to a strange house in London is quite another mystery. I have yet to get to the bottom of that one."

Lily shook her head. "And after that night?"

Dumbledore took a sip of his tea, then said, "I had Harry promptly moved to live with your sister and a very complicated spell was performed. Because of your sacrifice, for as long as your son could call his aunt's home his, then he would be protected from Voldemort and his followers."

"I am not sending him back there," Lily said, her chin jutting out.

Severus nodded his head in agreement. Petunia Dursley was a complete idiot.

"No, of course not," said Dumbledore, so agreeably Severus found it unnerving. "Now that you are with us again, I cannot very well ask that the boy continues to stay there. But there are still many in our world who wish to finish what Lord Voldemort set out to do. You and Harry must both be careful."

Lily rubbed her eyes. "I understand."

"Not quite everything." Dumbledore leaned forward, his face grave. "What I am going to say next must stay between the three of us."

Severus and Lily both agreed, although Severus already knew what was coming next. He had discussed this with Dumbledore, in private, just a few weeks earlier. But Lily couldn't possibly have any idea and Severus found himself wishing he could protect her from the terrible news that was coming.

"Voldemort is on the rise." Dumbledore got straight to the point. "The night he came to your house eleven years ago, he was not so much killed, but delayed. I am still not quite sure that even I understand what's happened, even less now than before. But his soul lived on and he is trying to come back. He nearly succeeded this past school year, but was stopped. How long it may be before he is back in full form, I cannot even begin to guess, but you need to be aware of this. When he does eventually return, you and Harry both will be in grave danger."

Severus was relieved that Dumbledore hadn't mentioned Harry's run-in with Quirrell. Lily looked exhausted and Severus wasn't sure how much more information she could handle at this point. The news of the Dark Lord's attempted return might have been too much already.

Lily fell into a stunned silence that Severus would have been quite willing to let go on forever. He was tired and yet at the same time, he felt considerably better than he had just a few hours before. Telling Lily the truth had lifted a weight off his shoulders that had been there for so many years, he'd grown used to it. But the guilt remained and he imagined it always would.

Dumbledore glanced at the large clock on his wall. "Look at the time. It is quite late. I believe this is quite enough for one night. What do you say we adjourn this little meeting of ours?"

"I'm more than ready, Headmaster." Severus cleared his throat. "I understand, of course, Lily, if you don't wish to return to Spinner's End with me."

She surprised him by standing from her chair readily.

"Harry is probably already asleep. I'll go back for tonight, but only because I don't want to leave him there," she said, giving him a careful look, "I'm not sure what my plans will be after that."

"That sounds like a wise choice," Dumbledore agreed, walking his two guests to the fireplace and taking down a jar of Floo powder. "I know you were probably given more information than you could quite take in, Lily, but I'm afraid a lot has happened in your absence."

Lily gave a sardonic laugh and rubbed a hand across her face. "What about my magic, Professor?"

"Ah, yes." Dumbledore put a wrinkled hand on Lily's shoulder. "We should remedy that situation as quickly as possible. Would you be agreeable to coming back tomorrow afternoon, perhaps at one o'clock?"

She glanced over at Severus. "I may be back well before that."

Dumbledore shook his head. "You are welcome at any time."

"Great." Lily gave Dumbledore slight smile. "Thank you for everything."

"You are quite welcome, my dear. Have a good night. I will see you tomorrow."

When Lily had gone through the Floo, Severus turned to Dumbledore.

"You may wish to have the elves prepare some rooms for Lily and the boy," he told the older man. "She will be leaving Baske tomorrow for good. I'm certain of it."

Dumbledore simply smiled and held out the box of Floo powder. "I would not be."