“Sirius! You can’t do it like that or it won’t come out right! You have to stir it four times counter clockwise. Otherwise it will curdle and it won’t be any good!” Severus told his older brother. The two still had more off days than good, but at least for the time being they were getting along.

“Why does it matter? I mean we are only making milk chocolate drops…”

“Well, yea, we are only making candy, but if you don’t stir it the right way it will curdle and burn. Then we won’t be able to eat any of it.” Severus said, adding equal amounts of milk and smashed cocoa beans.

“Well, it still doesn’t make a lick of sense. I mean, what if we wanted to add a different flavor to it? Like Uncle George does with some of his candy?” Sirius asked him, staring into the cauldron.

“You have to follow the directions. Only people with a mastery in Potions, or those working in the NEWTs level at school are allowed to work on changing and inventing potions. Isn’t that right, Mummy?” Severus said, turning around to look at Ginny who was standing by the sink with Jamie washing vegetables to cook for lunch.

“Yes, Sev. You are correct. It takes years of practice to change a potion or experiment with them. Even something as simple as chocolate drops.” Ginny said, showing Jamie how to cut carrots with a child’s paring knife spelled not to cut skin in case of mishaps.

Severus looked up at her and grinned, and then patted Sirius on the shoulder.

“I can teach you how to brew and bottle. I can teach you before you have to go to Hogwarts in a couple years if you want me too. I still remember a lot about potions…in fact, I still remember everything.” Severus said, his shoulders sagging a little. He looked up at Ginny and let the stirrer in his hand drop.

“Where is Daddy?”

Ginny looked at her son with concern. He had so many up and down days that she was often concerned that he would never accept his new life.

“He is in the study grading some papers.”

“Can I go in there? Please?” Severus said, his hands shaking slightly.

Ginny looked at him for a moment and then nodded, a tight smile on her face. She didn’t know what was going through his head, but she could tell that something was wrong with Sev.

“Sure, Love. Go on.”

Severus nodded and then left the room.

“Mum, he didn’t finish his potion…what if I mess it up?” Sirius asked, staring at the door Severus had just gone through.

At that moment, Teddy looked over at Sirius from where he was writing a letter to his grandmother at the other end of the table with Alby beside him coloring, telling her about his day, and smiled.

“I’ll help, Siri. I am not too bad at following directions.”

Ginny smiled as the two boys continued the potion, but in the back of her mind she felt a world of concern about Severus.

~sdrawkcab~

Severus walked into the study and slowly made his way over to where Harry was sitting behind his desk grading papers.

Harry did not notice Severus until the small boy came around the desk and started to climb into his lap. Harry put his quill down and helped Sev up onto his lap and then leaned back in his seat.

“What’s wrong, Sev?” Harry asked him as he ran a hand through his curly locks of hair.

Harry often wondered what life Severus had lived when he was younger, and he knew that Ginny often wondered the same thing. The true story, the whole story, as he knew Severus had never told anyone everything.

One difference that both Ginny and Harry had noticed was the way his looks had changed. His hair, when washed every day, was very soft and had a gentle curl. They kept it cut to just around his ears. His cheeks were filling out a little, since he ate three meals a day, and his complexion was darker because he spent quite a bit of time outside.

Most days, he seemed happier as well.

“I don’t know.”  Severus leaned his back against Harry’s chest and sighed.

“What do you mean you don’t know, Buddy? Do you feel sick?” Harry placed his hand flat on Severus’ forehead quickly, to make sure that he didn’t have a fever.

“No. I’m just frustrated, I think.”

“Why, Sev?”  Harry picked Severus up and turned him around so that his legs were on either side of Harry’s legs, and he was facing his Daddy.

“I don’t know how to explain it, Daddy.”

“Can you at least try?”

Severs shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his lap for a few moments before Harry placed his fingertips under the five, nearly six year olds chin and raised them up.

But when he did so, and looked into his eyes, it was not five year old Severus that he saw.

The obsidian eyes he looked into were the one full of pain and mistrust that belonged to the man Severus used to be.

“Oh, Sev.” Harry said, and then quickly wrapped his arms around Severus’ shoulders in a tight embrace.

To Harry’s surprise, Severus melted into the embrace instead of flinching or tightening up.

Harry leaned back again.

“Try, Sev. Try.”

Severus swallowed and cleared his throat, and finally looked into Harry’s eyes.

“The first time I saw you, I didn’t hate you. You were very small. It was that Halloween night. I couldn’t hate you then. I was in shock, and you were but a babe. The next time I saw you, I had already decided that I didn’t like you. And when you came into the Great Hall, you looked so much like your father.

That’s why I didn’t understand at first why you wanted me. Because, as much as I loved Lily, I was never sure that I wanted you. I protected you because I was supposed to. I had promised Lily. But you didn’t hesitate to take me in.

But, that isn’t what is bothering me now. I mean, I got over that a bit ago, and even though some days I don’t understand, I do accept it. But, there are still some days when I am fine, and I know that I am Severus Potter, and something will happen and all these memories will come flooding back to me. Like earlier, Sirius and I were making Potion Chocolate Drops and he asked me a question and it was like I was back in my old body. And, I felt, for just a tiny moment, that I didn’t like Sirius anymore.

I know that that is not fair. Sirius has been trying so hard to be nice, even though we do fight sometimes, but every since I broke my arm two weeks ago, he really has been trying. That memory hit me like a bludger though. I left before I could hurt his feelings because I don’t want too, even if he is an idiot sometimes. I want us to all be friends and brothers most of the time. Even my adult side has learned that we are a family.” Severus said, then, winded, he stopped for a moment to wipe a tear that was sliding down his left cheek away and take a deep breath.

“Sometimes, my memories, when they hit, hurt. They hurt so badly.” Severus whispered.

Harry wanted to cry for his son and with him.

“Sev, maybe you should start telling me and Mummy about your memories when they come back. Maybe if you talk about them, they will not hurt so much.”

Severus was taking deep breaths. He heard Harry…no, his Daddy, telling him to talk about the memories, but it hurt something awful to actually think about telling someone.

“I can’t. I don’t want to hurt anyone. Or, for them to pity me. I don’t need pity, Potter!” Severus yelled.

But…

He didn’t try to get up from Harry’s lap. In fact, he leaned deeper into Harry’s chest.

“Sometimes, we have to talk about things even if we don’t want too. You know, once the war was over, Grammy Molly, Grandma ‘Dromeda, and Aunt Cissy all made me talk to them whenever I would start to feel out of sorts. And, it helped, Sev, truly.”

“Was it hard? The war? You were quite young. Even though I was able to watch you sometimes, I know things happened that I was not aware.”

“Sev, war is hard. You went through two; you know that they are hard. Yes, it was hard on me. But, I also know that it was tremendously hard…perhaps harder, on others.”

“How and why should it have been harder on others? You were facing your death!” Severus nearly shouted.

“That is why it was a bit easier on me, I think. I never thought that I would live through the war. That occurred to me during my fourth year. After Cedric died. But it hit me after I heard the prophecy. I knew that I was going to have to die. I accepted it.”

“Like me.” Severus whispered.

Harry looked down at the mop of curly hair.

“Yes, Sev, like you.”

It hit Harry as odd that Severus had known he was going to die. Especially since the Dark Lord had thought him his best soldier.

“I understand a lot of things that I wish I did not have too… but, I think that one day it will be useful.”

“Sev, it may be useful one day, but I don’t want you to forget that this is your second chance. I want you to grow up happy this time. Free from the mistakes of your past. If you have to remember some things, then so be it. I do not want you to forget who you were. But, we, Ginny and I, want you to live this live to the fullest. We plan to give you every opportunity that we can.”

Severus looked up and Harry and smiled a dim smile that did not reach his eyes, but was sincere nonetheless.

“I have to do something. It is important.”

“What is that, Sev?”

Severus took a deep breath, looked Harry in the eye for a moment, and then spoke:

“I have to talk to Albus Dumbledore."