Harry shook his head trying to rid himself of the foggy thoughts. After running out of the Common Room to get away from Hermione and Ron who just wouldn’t let him have a single moment to himself. He struggled to push the feelings about losing Sirius back before they surfaced. How he chose to handle his emotional pain was his business and his alone. So what if he cut himself he wasn’t hurting anyone but his own body. But they threatened to tell a teacher, he shook his head again. Were they 16 or 6? He didn’t know where he was going just that he needed to get away. He ended up in an Alcove near the Astronomy Tower and he looked up there jealously. He couldn’t trust himself up there, because he knew without a doubt he would jump, and he couldn’t die until he fulfilled the stupid prophesy. He took out his security blanket that helped him survived daily, his blades. He slashed his arms and looked at the blood dripping with a sense of calm; he loved the marks that he made. Every cut no matter how big or small meant that he survived whatever hurdle he was faced with. Those words on his arms represented how he feels at any given time; hurt, pain, alone, stupid, lies and especially weak and perfect. Determined to finish Voldermort once and for all and they his life would for once in his life be his own. As he sat there blood dripping on the stone floor, he didn’t even noticed the tears falling down his face he was too caught up in his thoughts. His face has the expression of agony and pain on it; he just wished he had someone here with him who actually gave a damn about him and not the Savior part of him. He quickly put his blades away before he got any ideas about cutting deeper, what he wouldn’t give for a hug from Sirius. He made him feel so safe and secure, who’s going to be his anchor now? Even if he was more mature then Sirius it was still nice to know he had an adult on his side that cared for just him. He heard footsteps coming his way, but he didn’t move from his spot. Harry wasn’t in the mood for anyone right now, and just his luck it was Snape.

“Who is that hiding over there? Show yourself this instant.”

Harry stepped out of the alcove instantly feeling vulnerable; he wanted to return to his seclusion immediately.

“Potter, what are you doing down here? Looking for trouble I bet, or are you hiding so you won’t get caught?”

Harry said nothing, he couldn’t trust his voice to speak and he didn’t want his teacher to make fun of him for crying. Real men don’t cry and therefore he was a weakling. He kept his head down and his arms behind his back, blood and tears still dripping.

“I know you hear me talking to you Potter, answer me when I speak to you. Keep being insolent boy and I’ll have to give you a detention.” Severus replied smirking, he disliked this child above all the others in the school the most. He was spoiled and arrogant just like his father.

Harry swallowed pass the lump in his throat, what are the odds that I get caught by Snape when all I wanted was a minute to myself? He thought.

“Sorry sir, Harry whispered”

“I didn’t hear you Potter, what did you say?” Severus heard him clearly and even though something was nudging him that something wasn’t right with the child in front of him he ignored it.

“I’m sorry sir, I was down here because I wanted a minute to myself,” Harry answered his voice cracking on the last word. He kept his head down as the tears started to flow a little bit faster.

“Oh so you’re thinking of what kind of trouble to get into am I right? Didn’t you learn last year when you lost your mutt of a godfather?”

“No sir, I just needed a moment for myself like I said.”

He had to struggle not to scream when Snape mention Sirius, why he couldn’t just leave him alone was anybody’s guess. He didn’t like being reminded that he was the cause of losing Sirius when he knew it in his heart already. Harry took the back of his right hand to wipe the tears from his face and accidently showed Snape his arm. He didn’t realize it at first because he had yet to look up and see the shock coloring his Professor’s face for about 5 seconds.

Severus stared in shock at the child in front of him, were they all really that blind? Here he was teasing the child and probably making him feel worse and he was silently screaming for help. He had never wanted to feel sorry and angry on behalf of one Harry Potter and yet here he was. What had caused him to turn to this to cope with his grief?

“Mr. Potter, mind telling me what happened to your arm?” Severus spoke gently.

Harry startled, he didn’t think Snape could see his arms from where he had them so how did he know? He cursed himself for his own stupidity, he wiped his tears and he probably saw it then. The Astronomy Tower was looking more and more inviting every second that went by. He couldn’t stay here anymore, not with Snape asking questions he shouldn’t, and not when he was staring at a choice he couldn’t choose.

“It’s nothing important, I best be getting back it’s nearly curfew,” Harry hurriedly replied.

He made himself focus on the floor, he couldn’t risk looking up. Was he faster than Snape? He wondered, as he contemplated making a break for it.

“Curfew isn’t for another 1 ½ hours, so you have ample time to spare. Answer my question Mr. Potter, Snape pressed.”

“Fine then, can we talk about this somewhere else? Someone might see us here, Harry fearfully replied.

Harry knew that if he didn’t move soon, his legs were going to choose for him and they would definitely not be going down, they would be headed straight for the Tower.

“Mr. Potter enough of this, Look at me when you’re talking to me. We are going to have this conversation now. No one will be coming up here I put charms all around the entrances; we are and will be completely alone. You keep looking at the Tower, would you feel better having this conversation up there?”

Harry made himself look pass Snape’s ear, the Tower directly in his line of vision. His eyes were swimming with tears, was this some kind of test? Well he failed, that’s for sure.

“No Sir, I can’t be this close to the tower right now. Please can we move somewhere else?” Harry couldn’t stop his voice from taking on a pleading tone; he was going to lose it, his common sense in the next minute or so.

“Why can’t you…” It took Severus a second to figure out what the child was referring to and his eyes widened before he stood directly in the child’s line of sight.

“Go to my office now, the password is Lilies. Wait there for me; I will be right with you, and Potter?”

“Yes Sir?”

“Give me your blades,” Severus replied with authority.

“I can’t sir I need them,” Harry replied tearfully.

“I know that’s why I want you to give them to me.”

“Give me detention or take points, but you can’t have them. I’m not strong enough to give them up sir, besides if you take them I’ll just get more,” Harry replied defiantly.

Severus sighed the boy had a point, but they couldn’t make any progress unless he admitted that he had a problem and wanted to stop. He hoped the child hadn’t been doing it long otherwise they would have a long road in front of them.

“How long have you been hurting yourself for?”

“5 years”

His heart stuttered as he took in the answer the boy gave him, how did he miss this? Severus shook his head, had the child been in Slytherin he would have been found out within his first year. He knew the signs extremely well; after all most former self-harmers can recognize others just by the way their hands fidget. The fact that he was to blinded by his ignorance to even help this child, made him very ashamed of himself. Severus wondered if Albus knew what his golden boy was up to, after all he was supposed to be all knowing.

“Show me your arms Potter.”

Harry slowly held out his arms red lines blaring against his pale skin, words he never meant for anyone to see out on display for Snape. He shook his head furiously, his eyes focused on the ceiling trying to prevent more tears from falling, if Sirius was alive would he be doing what Snape was? He felt his teacher’s magic close his current gashes, he looked down at his arms to find that there wasn’t even a traces of his current slashes. Harry felt fingers tracing the words on his arm and he tried to pull away from Snape but his teacher held him tight.

“Please don’t, he whispered.”

“Why did you do this Potter? Do they mean anything to you?”

“I don’t know why, it just seemed to fit. It doesn’t matter there just words.”

“But you believe them don’t you?”

“Course not,” Harry replied frantically trying to wipe his tears that refused to stop falling.

“If that’s so, then why are you crying?”

“I’m not…why do you care? You’re not supposed to care, your Snape. You hate me remember? You are supposed to treat me like you usually do and make me feel like I’m nothing. You’re the only one who treats me like I’m not special, why aren’t you now? I don’t deserve this, especially not from you. Just please leave me alone sir.”Harry replied with a sigh this new Snape had him puzzled and it was starting to freak him out.

“What do you mean you don’t deserve this? Are you talking about kindness, and from me? You do deserve it Potter and I’m going to help you because you’re my student and I’m your teacher. Your well-being is my priority and don’t you dare try to tell me that you are fine, when I can see with my own eyes that you aren’t. If you were fine then you wouldn’t be making artwork on your own skin, you’re hurting and it’s my job to help you.”

“So you’re only helping me because you’re a teacher and you have to? Wow I feel so special; I appreciate you for reminding me of my status in this world.” Harry replied sarcastically.

“What do you mean by that Potter? I’m also helping you because this is unhealthy behavior and the only path for this is downhill. I know how addicting this coping method can be, and I want to show you that there are other ways of dealing with your emotions.”

“You said that you know why I’m doing it, are you talking from personal experience or just because you’re a Head of House?”

“Both, maybe when we start talking about why you started I’ll share a piece of my story with you.”

“And what makes you think I’ll share anything with you?”

“You already are; I think you’re starting to break on the inside and it scares you, so you’re reaching out for help. Even if it’s the one person you can’t stand, you need an anchor to keep you steady, let me be that for you.”

Harry froze at Snape’s choice of words, was he reading his mind? Impossible Harry wasn’t even looking him in the eye, so this must mean Snape obviously knew what he was going through. Should he let him help me? He thought.

“Do you have any more scars Potter that you don’t want to show me?”

Harry was tired he didn’t know how he was going to get out of this thing with Snape. He knew in his heart that his cutting days were numbered, and a small part of him was happy for it. He was emotionally drained of doing this on his own; he couldn’t admit he needed help it wasn’t in his nature. He wanted, no he needed to show Snape everything, the scars he did and the ones that were done to him.

“I have one on my back, but I didn’t do it, it was done to me. It reminds me of what I am every time I see it, I know my place.” He replied in a soft voice hoping half and half that his teacher both heard and didn’t hear him.

“Show me Potter,” Severus’s eyes narrowed as he took in the tone and words of the child. His place, what the hell did he mean by that? Surely he didn’t think that he was below anyone else, although the defeated posture that he sees on the child shows that’s exactly what he thinks.

Harry took off his robes and turned around; he lifted up his thin t-shirt and showed his teacher the welt marks on his back and the word burned into his skin. FREAK was on exhibit for the world to see; he lowered his shirt after 10 seconds and turned back around. His teacher looked angry but Harry didn’t know who he was mad at.

“At least you can know that you’re not the only one that hates me,” Harry wearily replied.

“I don’t hate you Potter, I just…” Severus was interrupted by Harry.

“It’s fine if you admit it sir, I’m 16 not a child. I can take it, besides it’s easier if you agreed with me that you do hate me.”

“I don’t hate you Harry, and you still are just a child.”

“Don’t call me Harry, its Potter remember?”

“Your given name is Harry is it not, so I will call you it.”

“You can’t, how are you going to continue to teach me my place?”

“Harry, stop trying to push me away. I’m not going anywhere, I’m here for you.”

“Please don’t say stuff you don’t actually believe, and don’t call me Harry.”

“I do believe it Harry, and I won’t abandon you I promise you that.”

“Don’t make promises…”Harry trailed off, everyone always makes promises they can’t keep ignorant of how that makes other people feel. He hated promises, his parents and Sirius all promised to be there for him, but where were they? He shook his head at his own stupidity, he knew they didn’t want to leave him but that didn’t change the fact that they were gone the same.

“I plan on keeping that promise child; you need me even if you won’t admit it.”

“I don’t need anybody, I can do this alone.”

“Can you really, then why are you still crying?”

“Because you’re giving me false hope, and I can’t handle another disappointment!”

“It’s not false Harry, you’re just afraid, I can understand that.”

“I don’t think you can, but I applaud you for trying. And for the love of Merlin stop calling me Harry”

“Harry I won’t give up on you child.” Snape said deliberately ignoring the child’s word.

“I can’t do this sir, may I leave?”

“No Harry, what can’t you do?”

“I do stupid things; I caused my parents deaths and Sirius. If you agree to help me you have basically signed your own death warrant.”

“You didn’t cause the death of your parents; the Dark Lord was at fault. And as for your godfather, I was under the impression that Bellatrix Lestrange threw the curse that hit him into the veil.”

“She did, but it was me who believed that false vision. It was me who couldn’t learn Occlumency, and me who led my friends into a death trap. I accepted the truth awhile ago; even you told me it was my fault.”

“I never said that Potter, what I did say I had no right to torment you with, I never thought you would believe me. Nonetheless I am the adult and I shouldn’t have said that in the first place, so I apologize.”

Harry whimpered, why was Snape apologizing to him? He really couldn’t handle this he was weak and in a minute his Professor would know it too. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, who gave Snape the right to try to tell him he was worth it. Everyone got hurt when they were around him, he was unsafe and toxic. He couldn’t do this anymore; he couldn’t stand here and have a civilized conversation with his most hated teacher. He wanted his seclusion, and he needed it now. He turned around and started running away from Snape, hoping that his teacher wouldn’t catch him.

Severus watched the child bolt away from him, and shook his head. He was expecting this, and he knew he could and would catch the child. He took off after him and caught him instantly. The boy struggled and tried to wiggle free but Severus had the child secure. He let him go expecting him to take off again and he wasn’t surprised when Harry ran off again, but he had a plan and he watched him turn the corner.

Harry ran away from Snape the second time, a part of his brain was nagging him that he was let go on purpose but all he was focused on was not running into anyone and finding a safe place to cry and cut. The ordeal with Snape had fried his nerves and he needed some kind of release or he was going to explode. He found an abandoned classroom closed the door and collapsed in a sobbing heap. He didn’t have the energy to take out his blades as he cried and cried. He wished over and over that Remus was here, so he could at least give Harry a hug, he had never felt more alone then he did at that moment. His magic had released its self accidently all over the walls and floor had different sentences from Harry’s own mind at that moment. So caught up in his grief he didn’t hear the door open and hear a silver eyed boy utter a mournful “Potter” and then the door closed quietly as the boy left looking very unsettled. He didn’t know that the boy told his Head of House where he was, he was oblivious to it all, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He never saw the man in dark robes enter the room and sigh before closing the door behind him, and conjuring a chair and picking him up and holding him. As he took in the smell of Lavender flowers, and herbs he knew it had to be Snape, but how did he know where he was? Harry hadn’t felt this safe in a long, long time.

Severus knew that Harry wasn’t headed back to his common room it was too far and loud, he was going to look for another quiet place. An hour ago he could care less about the emotional state of Harry Potter, but after looking into those innocent, dejected, tear-filled, emerald green eyes that reminded him so much of Lily, he couldn’t just say no to her child. A quick Point Me spell, showed him that Harry was currently in an unused classroom, but which one he didn’t know. He had just decided on checking all 15 classrooms in that vicinity when he bumped into one of his 6th year Slytherins, Draco Malfoy who looked very disturbed at something which is he quickly found out.

“Potter is in the 4th classroom to the left, he’s crying something awful that it actually made me feel…”Draco trailed off as his eyes watered. You should check on him, treat like he’s a snake for once; I think he’s hurt real bad and I don’t know if he can handle the way you usually treat him. I can’t believe I’m saying this but if you harm him in anyway, I’ll hurt you, he finished protectively. He then walked off; trying to figure out what the hell was going on with him, unknowing to him his perception on Harry Potter just took a shift.

Severus watched Draco walk out, what the heck got into him. Everyone knew that they were rivals, and hated each other, what changed? He walked to the door that Draco had told him to and slowly opened it; Harry was crying gut wrenching sobs that made his own eyes want to water and his heart ached. This is what changed Draco he thought, after hearing this Severus was sure the even the Dark Lord would grow a heart. He looked around the room in awe, sentences like; I’m too damaged for help, I’m not worth it, I’m just a weakling, I’m nothing, I’m broken and I can’t be fixed, I don’t matter, Just let me die in peace, I hate myself, I’m stupid, everyone lies, I’m perfect just the way I am, don’t pretend to care because when you leave I will break, littered the walls and floors. The last one Severus was sure was directed at him, he sighed and made a chair before reaching for the child and sitting down with him on his lap. He rocked the child like his mother used to do for him, and whispered nonsense in his ears, to quiet him. So many hurt thoughts that this child had to deal with on his own, no wonder he felt like he was breaking apart. The boy gripped him tighter and relaxed in his arms and they stayed that way for a while until the only sound was soft sniffling in his robes.

“You came for me, why?”

“Because I don’t break my promises Harry, I will never leave you by choice.”

“How can I believe that you suddenly care for me when all these years you’ve hated me?”

“I didn’t hate you, I was just angry at you and what you represented. I have protected you whenever I could and I still will. How can I get you to believe me?”

“We’ll you found me, that’s a start. Promise not to give up on me especially when it gets tougher.”

“I won’t give up on you Harry Potter, even when you want me to too.”

That sent Harry on another crying fit only this one was full of relief as he cried in his Professor’s robes. He couldn’t help the small smile that made its way on his face through his tears. Who knew that he was going to find help when he was only looking for a place to hide?