The next morning when Severus woke up, he got dressed and headed down to breakfast where he felt the somber and ominous feeling in the air. The Great hall was silent as ever and it chilled him, what was wrong? Sitting at the Head Table he noticed that Minerva wasn’t that, did something happen with her family? Not wanting to disturb the silence by speaking to loudly he whispered to Filius to ask what was wrong, and was shocked when he heard the answer.

“A student took his life last night or early this morning,” he whispered back.

Severus looked around the hall at the Gryffindor table and he could various saddened and tearful expressions  on their faces, so he knew then that it was a lion who had passed. But where was the Gryffindor Trio?

“Who was it Filius?”           

But the man didn’t answer him this time, and dread began making it’s way into his heart. He looked at Albus as the twinkling in his eyes were non-existent, who had died? He wondered to himself. He looked at Hagrid who was crying crocodile tears and his heart stuttered again, who was it?

“Where’s Potter?” He found himself whispering to Pomona.

“You don’t know Severus?” She whispered shock and sadness evident in her expression.

“Know what Pomona?” His stomach was turning at the thought of what she might be implying.

“He killed himself last night,” she tearfully answered.

“What, no that can’t be right I just seen him this morning.”

“What time was that Severus?” Filius asked.

But Severus’s mind was reeling, he had given the boy detention for being out past curfew, but now he was dead? What happened between the time he saw him and breakfast? Appetite gone he headed back to his quarters, hoping one of his co-workers would watch his Slytherins. He knew Albus would come to him eventually but right now he needed to see something. Grabbing his Pensieve he headed to his sitting room, where he retracted the memory of early this morning. He landed in the bowl and watched the boy more closely, trying to see if he missed something.

~*~*~*~Flashback~*~*~*~*“

What’s that on your arm Potter?” He had asked.

“What sir?” Potter asked innocently back.

“The scars on your arm, what are they from?” He asked annoyed.

“It’s nothing,” the boy had softly answered back.

~*~*~*Flashback Over~*~*~*

But as Severus took a good look at the child as his memory self regarded his words as nothing, he knew that it was more then that. It was defintly something, how in the hell did he miss the despair in those emerald green eyes? As his memory self turned away from the boy he saw the longing in those green eyes, that wanted to call him back. He had been so tired and hurt this morning as he was doing his rounds, having come back from a death eater meeting that all he wanted to do was rest. He was a spy for Merlin’s sake he was supposed to catch on and see. He saw the last spark of life leave those bright eyes as he turned the last corner. Potter just looked so broken and haunted, and his heart clenched painfully.He knew what those scars were and what they represented, he was no stranger to self-inflicted wounds. He had failed Lily once again by failing her child. 

He had fallen to his knees as he realized what the childfelt and how hopeless he must have felt. How did he miss that, the grief was drowning the poor child, and he could literally see him coming apart at the seams. He landed outside the bowl as the memory finished but he hadnt noticed. It was like losing Lily all over again, only this time he had lost a child who still had a full life ahead of him. He curled into a ball and cried heart-wrenching sobs for the lost soul of a child that he had vowed to protect. He regretted not making the child tell him, he regretted treating the boy like dirt, but most of all he regretted not being there for the child when he should have. Severus’s eyes filled and spilled over with tears and his grief took over. He cried for Lily, for himself, but most of all he cried for that child who was known as one Harry Potter. He was so gone in his grief that he didn’t hear his door open, nor the footsteps come towards him. He couldn’t stop the tears for he had no control over them.

“Oh Severus,” Albus murmered quietly.        

    Strong arms grabbed him and set him on the couch, his sobs never wavering once. Why hadn’t he just paid more attention to the boy? His life no longer had a purpose, who was he fighting for now? He got a grip on his sobs to ask just one question, as much as it pained him he needed to know.

“How? He asked.

“He slit his wrists, and bled to death. He seemed to know beforehand that the Astronomy Tower was warded against any suicide attempts and I would be notified immediately. And before you ask Fawkes was the one to find him, and he alerted me. By the time I had gotten there, he was already gone. This is not your fault Severus, so please do not blame yourself for this.”          

  Severus said nothing in response to that, he just closed his wet eyes. What he wouldn’t give to go back 8 hours and change what he missed, but it was too late. He knew that time turners existed but he wouldn’t even know where to find one, and he sighed.

“I’m so sorry Lily,” He whispered before falling into a restless sleep, his tears still falling silently down his cheeks..