Time was ticking, and the Christmas holidays were only two weeks away. I was greatly looking forward to them, because I was certain that some rest and relaxation would do me good. The dizzy spells were getting worse, and even as I climbed staircases I felt the world spinning. Unlike me however, Harry had been greatly restored by his weekend stay, and Monday morning he had even arrived at breakfast without the drained look he had been wearing lately. I knew that that wouldn't last for long, what with all that was upon our shoulders, but I was heartened to see him smile freely.

By now of course, breakfast seemed very far away, for it was in fact closer to dinner time. I leaned against the wall briefly and coughed into my handkerchief, looking forward to catching up with Albus. He had been busy as of late, off looking for something he could not tell me of. He had however, said to me that he needed to pay a visit to Horace Slughorn, and that he wished to bring Harry along some time. Apparently he had some sort of request for him, and as Horace was constantly itching to add some famous names to his contact list, Harry would help greatly. I did not know what the request was but Albus assured me that it was not trivial in the least, and that I needed to trust him on that. I continued on my way, legs growing weary and lungs growing tight as I traversed the corridors. I longed to reach Albus' office, and in my eagerness to see someone I could talk openly with, I didn't recognize the growing warnings as I began to fall further from alertness. As though the breath was stolen from me, barely a corridor from Albus' office, I was pulled into darkness. I didn't feel myself hit the floor.

I came to to find Albus looking down at me as I lay on his sofa.

"How do you feel?"

"Like I got trampled by a herd of hippogriffs," I said with a light moan once his far away voice reached my ears and I was able to speak.

He gave me a Pepper-Up and I downed it. It helped minimally.

"You've got to stop doing this Severus," Albus muttered. "Take it easy, don't push yourself."

"I don't usually faint," I said as defiantly as I could, though my whole body felt so tired. "I haven't been working that hard anyway."

"Yes you have," Albus said. "You keep pushing yourself to do what you normally would even though you know you are ill." He paused, and in a few moments added, "I worry about you."

"Albus, it's all I can do to ... to keep ..." I was unable to finish, but he understood me. He nodded his head.

"I know," he whispered back to me. "How are you doing, mentally, that is?" His question was gentle, and I could not help to say exactly what I was thinking with his blue eyes seemingly staring straight through my soul.

"I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. Everything I'll leave behind, everyone I'll leave behind ..." I closed my eyes briefly.

"Try to think, instead of those you are leaving behind, the ones you are joining."

I croaked, "Do I even belong where the good go?" The uncertainty echoed in my voice, the shadow of that old fear cropping up again. It always did in the end.

"Yes, yes you do."

A soft noise escaped my lips, having risen from deep within my heart, where I felt the real terror of my situation gripping me tightly. "I wish I could be that sure," I managed to say, travelling further toward the breaking point I had balanced in silence upon so finely these past few days.

Both Albus and I were barely able to keep it together, and we both sat there, shaking slightly for a moment or two. I knew then that words would never be enough to say how we felt.

"Just when you are given so much to be thankful for," whispered Albus, a single tear running down into his beard. "You never seem to be given the easy side of things, do you?"

"You don't deserve your lot either," I said, trying hard to keep my voice steady.

"That depends who you talk to," Albus muttered to me. "Besides, my predicament is of my own doing. Yours, is by chance."

"Albus, I'm terrified." It escaped my lips before I could stop it, and before I knew it the both of us were slowly falling to pieces. Neither of us could even feel ashamed of the tears creeping down our pale faces, for there is something about death that humbles a man, and turns him to a child once more, seeking reassurance. Albus and I, like any other somewhere deep down, were boys in the face of death. Just two boys in the clothing and shoes of men, hoping to whatever power that we could run into somebody's arms when we finally left this life.

***

Tuesday evening at dinner I was quite preoccupied, thinking about a lesson I had planned for the next day. I was surprised when Albus stood up to make an announcement. The buzz of the great hall calmed down. Minerva looked strangely devious, of all things.

"This year, we have come to a decision," Albus began, the students' eyes turned to him, "that in such dark times, something should be done to make them less so. Therefore, it has come to consensus among the staff," (Not that I had been informed, of course.) "that on Valentine 's Day this year there shall be a ball. This will give you all plenty of time to prepare what you are wearing and allow you to go home for Christmas as well, unlike a few years previous with the Yule Ball. Like the Yule Ball however, this occasion will be for fourth years and up. The remaining students will instead be able to take part in small celebrations planned to take place in their common rooms on February the fourteenth."

He sat down, and immediately talk erupted. Not only was I irritated I had not been informed, I was far from ecstatic at the news, along with quite a few others of the male population. Even a few more introverted girls looked a little bit dismayed as well. I wondered if Albus would have more to say during the staff meeting that night. Sure enough, he did.

"Teachers are asked to attend, except for those select few that will be patrolling the halls for supervision," Albus said from where he stood in the middle of the oblong arrangement of sofas and squashy chairs. The staff room was often arranged in this way for meetings.

I immediately volunteered for supervision.

"Oh no Severus, you had to miss out during the last ball. Besides, we already have enough supervision." A few of the staff snickered at the look on my face.

"What if I want to patrol the corridors instead?" I hissed. Many of the women chuckled. Hagrid looked at me sympathetically.

"He's just saying that because he can't dance," said Minerva with a laugh.

"I can dance," I growled. "I just don't like to. There's a difference." Though to tell the truth she was fairly correct and it would not be absurd to say that I had less rhythm than my cat.

"Well, prove it then," she said quietly, her voice only reaching my ears from her seat beside me in the staff room.

As soon as the meeting was done I left as quickly as possible, but found that even though I had cut through several corridors via tapestry, someone had caught up to me. It was Laura, and my heart leaped at the sight of her, for she had come out of nowhere, it seemed.

"Sorry about my Aunt, she has a bit of a sharp tongue sometimes," Laura told me apologetically.

"It's not your fault," I said. "That woman just knows how to push my buttons. You would think I'd be used to it by now."

"It's strange, because she treats you kind of like she treats my Uncle Roy. It's a little brother thing, I think."

"Really?" I said, surprised. I had not been aware Minerva had a younger brother. Well, that explains why she can be so damned pedantic.

"I can't believe we have to go to a ball," Laura said quite honestly. "I never liked dancing all that much."

"Neither, not really," I said. Well, I had always wanted to dance with Lily, but had never gotten a chance.

"And the worst part is that I can't get out of it either, saying that kids are sick and need my attention, because Poppy already agreed to look after the hospital wing. And Hell would freeze over before Irma would leave her cave to come to a ball and leave me to dust the library." She snickered a bit.

"Pince dressed up would be terrifying," I muttered, also amused. "She was here while we were at school, remember? Those awful nails she used to have too ..."

"Uug... they were so long!" Laura said, wincing. "She used to tap them on the books as she walked through aisles, remember that?

"Too well," I said with a grimace. "I got thrown out of the library a couple times thanks to James Potter and his gang, and those nails were horrible when they latched themselves onto your neck. Sometimes I think I've had more nightmares about her than the Dark Lord!" The both of us couldn't hold back our laughter. I stopped quickly, confused. I never talked about James Potter, and I never talked about the Dark Lord with anyone save Albus sometimes, and yet those things had come out of my mouth as easily as if I were talking about the weather.

"Well, see you," Laura said with a smile, turning toward a staircase to make her way up to the hospital wing. I said goodbye and continued to walk down to the dungeons. I felt mortified that I had mentioned my nightmares, which I still had frequently.

Mentally banging my head against the wall, I arrived at my quarters to find Harry outside my office. Well, I didn't find him immediately; he pulled off his invisibility cloak and nearly gave me a heart attack.

"You have to hide me for a little while!" he said urgently, voice hushed.

"Why?" I drawled, an eyebrow raised. "What did you do this time?"

"I didn't do anything, but ever since Dumbledore announced the ball at dinner girls have been flocking to me." Harry looked at me with wide eyes. "It's bloody terrifying actually."

"Language," I said pointedly, opening my office door with a tap of my wand and entering. Harry stood nervously in the corridor, glancing this way and that as though he expected Pansy Parkinson to come out of nowhere and club him over the head.

"Oh alright Mr. Popular," I said, rolling my eyes as I ushered him into my office and shut the door. "Let me just say that I for one would have sold my soul to have girls following me around when I was your age."

"They only like me now because I'm ‘the Chosen One'," Harry said with a frown. "They sure didn't when I was labelled a nut case." He sighed then added in an undertone, "One of the few girls that isn't sending me freaky love notes would be the one I want to ask."

"Really, and who is this fair maiden?" I asked jokingly, as Harry appeared not to realize that he had let the last part slip.

"Just ... you know, someone." He rubbed the back of his now quite red neck.

"You don't have to tell me," I said with a light chuckle, "I was just giving you a hard time."

"Are you going?" Harry asked curiously. "Or did you already find a good excuse not to?"

"You are observant, I'll give you that," I said, impressed. "I tried to volunteer to patrol corridors but Albus said they didn't need anyone else. I'm quite sure he was just trying to make me go. Might give him a good laugh I suppose."

"Why?"

"I'm a dreadful dancer," I said. "So don't ask me for lessons unless you want to know how to trip over your feet effectively."

Harry laughed at this and said, "Thanks Dad, but I already know how to do that."

"Well good, because it's difficult move to teach." I reached over and ruffled his hair fondly. He batted my hand away, but was amused nonetheless.

We talked for a few more minutes in my office, but it was getting pretty late.

"Well, Mr. Popular," -I looked at my watch - " I would suggest you high tail it back to your common room before curfew."

"Alright," he said rather unenthusiastically. "How the heck do I avoid them though? They're everywhere, girls I mean."

"There are many ways of making girls go away," I said, impersonating Albus' voice for the hell of it. "But the best way, my boy, would be to quit showering. A warning, however ... it will repel more than girls." Unable to keep a straight face any longer I returned to my usual way of speaking and said farewell.

Harry's goodbye was smothered with laughter, and I could hear him trying to stifle the noise under his cloak before I shut the door. I shook my head, chuckling, and pulled a stack of essays toward me.