Harry bounced up and down on his toes excitedly as Albus and I discussed a few things before the boys and I departed for the house for Christmas holidays. Harry was clearly barely restraining himself from saying "Come on Dad, let's go!", but thankfully Draco was distracting him slightly, though he was just as excited by the look on his face.

"Now, I would suggest you check over the wards to make sure they're still alright," Albus reminded me. "They can be funny sometimes, and most wards require a quick run over once every couple of months, as holes can develop if you aren't careful."

"I know Albus," I assured him. "I'll make sure to do that, but I'm sure they'll be fine."

Albus went to respond but Harry couldn't contain himself any longer.

"Can we decorate a tree?" he blurted out excitedly.

Albus' eyes twinkled, and he smiled.

"Yes," I said to him before turning back to Albus. "Was there anything else you wanted to say?"

"I think that's all," he said, eyes twinkling. "I fear if I talk any longer the boys might explode with excitement. Say hello to Molly for me."

"I will. Have a good holiday Albus," I said, and he nodded his head and turned to leave us.

We were distracted by a loud bang and a puff of smoke as Harry's scarf burst into flames. Draco snickering behind him, put something into his pocket. I raised my eyebrow as Harry put his scarf out and rounded on Draco, who shrugged. I merely rolled my eyes and repaired Harry's scarf, and without a word confiscated the familiar explosive powder that Draco claimed he had been given by the Weasley twins.

I had to admit, only a slight bang was less than I had expected for our departure. We walked to the edge of the grounds, as I had decided to apparate the boys to the house. It was much easier to bring our things by apparation than by floo. That and travelling by fireplace floo these days made me feel like I had the stomach flu. Something to do with being dizzy already, I supposed. So, first I apparated to the house with each of the boys' suitcases and left them on the porch. Then I went back for Draco and my own suitcase, and then Harry. I was grateful that Hagrid watched over the boys for the short moments I was not there.

Once we were all at the house, the first thing I thought when I stood on the snowy porch with the boys and fumbled for the key to the house, was that it was bloody cold. The door opened with a throaty creak and Harry and Draco hurried to get in as I made a bee line for the fireplace. I threw in some wood from the box by the hearth and lit it swiftly with my wand. Immediately warmth rushed over the surfaces of the dusty furniture and met our cold faces.

"Why don't we sit in here for a while until the house warms up?" I suggested to the boys, who both nodded, their breath creating fog in the air.

"So, are we going to decorate a tree?" asked Harry excitedly once more.

"Why not," I said, checking my watch. "We can go out and look for one after we have something for lunch. There should be a few good trees by the stream." I had been hoping to arrive earlier, but things had been rather hectic and Albus had called an end of term staff meeting which took up quite a bit of time.

"We don't have any decorations though," Draco said as the heat from the fire continued to creep through the house.

"Some can be done with magic, but I do in fact have some Christmas ornaments," I said after a moment. Both the boys looked surprised. "They were my mother's. I'm pretty sure I have them saved in a box somewhere."

"So, when's lunch?" Draco asked to nobody's surprise.

"I'll start it now. Dobby was kind enough to send some fresh food here, and some soup we can heat up quickly."

"I love that elf," Draco said fondly, rubbing his stomach.

***

"Can we chop it down with an axe?" Harry asked when we stood in front of a small pine tree that we had found a few steps from the frozen creek. "It feels like cheating to use magic."

"I haven't got an axe," I said, laughing slightly. "Magic will have to do, cheating or not."

I told everyone to stand back and waved my wand. With a hollow cracking sound that echoed through the trees, a gouge appeared in the trunk of the tree. I hit it again with the spell and for a moment the tree swayed, its green branches quivering.

"Timber!" shouted Draco noisily as the tree toppled and fell into the snow with a rather unimpressive amount of noise for the quantity Draco had made; it was more of a soft thump.

He and Harry whooped a few times while I tied a rope to the tree trunk.

"There you go boys," I said in amusement, handing them the rope.

They both grabbed a hold of the rope enthusiastically, talking about how they would need to come down to go sliding on the frozen stream. I performed a levitation charm on the tree and the boys guided it home, I myself trailing behind them at my own pace.

"What took you so long Dad?" Harry said as I arrived, puffing, at the house. The boys were sitting on the porch swing, framed behind the icicles and wood that made up the snowy porch. The tree was tied, still floating, to the railing and was making an odd fluttering noise in the breeze.

"You're okay, right?" Draco asked hesitantly.

"Yes, I just took my time to enjoy the scenery," I said, opening the door wide for the boys to float the tree in. We stood it up and secured it with magic. Harry and Draco were quivering with excitement when I left to go unearth my old Christmas ornaments from the shed, which was an odd combination of a Potions lab and storage area. I went past all the shelves of my potions equipment and over to the set of shelves at the back of the shed. The chilly air nipped at my fingers and toes and stole my breath away as I frantically skimmed over labels.

A wave of dizziness washed over me so I knelt instead, and from there I continued my search. I soon found the box, small and old, the wrinkled cardboard immediately bringing back memories of times long ago when I was young: when things were simpler, and when Tobias' drinking wasn't as much the problem it grew to be. He was different then, before he let fear warp him like so many before him.

A little boy that looked to be about three ran through narrow hall, his dark black hair flying out behind him as he laughed with glee. His mother held out her arms and he leaped into them, and she carried him up the attic stairs. The attic was very nearly empty save a few old boxes and a dusty cot and mobile.

"How many days ‘til Kistmas Mummy?" the little boy asked excitedly as he bounced in her arms.

"Just four more days, Severus," she said, smiling as she lifted a small box with her free arm and went down the stairs once more. She set Severus down and he ran giggling over to the stairs, and slid down them on his bum, his socked feet landing with a soft thump at the bottom of the stairs.

"Daddy, Daddy!" he cried as he ran across the sitting room.

A man was lying on his belly under the tree and fiddling with the Christmas tree stand. He wiggled out from under it, pine needles in his dark hair as he asked, "What?"

"Four days ‘til Kistmas!"

"No, really?" he asked, pretending to be surprised as he knelt on the floor by his son.

"Yeah!" shouted Severus.

"Well, go help your mother take out the decorations then."

The little box that had been set down on the floor was soon opened, and slowly the spindly tree was decorated with colourful baubles.

"Tobias, you wouldn't mind if I did a little tinsel with magic?" asked the mother hesitantly.

"Tinsel!" cried Severus jubilantly as he clapped his hands, though it was clear he hadn't any idea what tinsel was.

"Well ... fine, Eileen, just make it look normal, so the neighbors don't see it through the window and ask questions," Tobias said slowly. "You know what happened to that couple's daughter down the street. If anyone sees any magic in this house ... well ... I don't want to ever have anything like that happen to us."

Eileen nodded grimly but dismissed the thought and smiled as though she couldn't believe her luck. She drew her wand slowly and dragged it through the air, round and round the tree as Severus watched in wonder and Tobias stood by the shut curtains anxiously, hand tightly gripping his glass of eggnog, his fingers white.

I shook my head, and tried to clear my mind of the memory. That had been before Tobias started drinking a lot, before he found the poison that took away all of his worries. I preferred not to remember the Christmas that followed that one. I had never truly been able to forget about it, and that Christmas was the reason many of the decorations I remembered when I was very little never made it into the box I now held in my hands. Sadly it was one of my most vivid holiday memories. I sighed, and then started on my way back to the house. Despite the darkness of the past, I reminded myself that this was a new time, a new era. Christmas was a time of joy now, not sorrow, and most definitely not a reminder of what I had never had. Determined to make this Christmas like the ones I had always wished for, I returned to the sitting room, hands gripping tightly to the old cardboard box that felt ancient in my hands. Some of the decorations in it were older than I was, and I carefully took a scratched tin star in my hands, the one that had always sat atop our tree.

"The star goes last, right?" Harry asked as he looked over my shoulder at the star.

"Usually," I said, feeling my insides clench, knowing that Harry had never gotten to decorate a tree at his aunt and uncle's house. He had not gotten the chance to decorate a tree last year either, having been de-aged, and the only decoration I had ever kept in my quarters was a wreath. That, and the only trees taken from the forbidden forest every year were the twelve to go in the Great Hall, and the four for each of the common rooms, and that was due to the fact that Hogwarts had long ago decided to try to preserve as many trees as possible in the forest. Therefore, it was wreathes and holly for the rest of the castle, unless a tree was procured from somewhere else. Naturally it was no surprise to me that Harry was so excited to finally decorate a Christmas tree.

Draco, who had been fishing around in the box carefully, pulled an ornament out and examined it.

"Aww, Severus' first Christmas!" he crooned. I snatched the little picture frame from his hand, quickly covering the fuzzy black and white photo.

"Come on Dad, I want to see your baby picture," Harry said with a laugh. "Please?"

I sighed and handed it to Harry, who gave another snort and said, "Better make sure McGonagall doesn't see this one."

"And I forbid you to show her or inform her of it in any way," I said quickly as I thought of what Minerva would do. She'd probably make a copy of the picture and put it in the Prophet when I turned forty, along with birthday greetings. The last thing I needed was a bunch of Death Eaters huddling around the picture and having a right good laugh at me. I felt my stomach do a slight flip flop when I remembered that I wasn't supposed to make it to forty. I shoved this thought aside, and focused on the two boys before me.

"He didn't say he would," Draco said, rolling his eyes. "Sometimes you are so paranoid."

"Just making sure," I muttered as I watched Harry string the ornament on the thick green branches.

There were a few interesting decorations in the box, but most were baubles with chipped paint, or bells in various colours. None of these were extravagant, though a few were nicer than others, and I recalled all of the ones that had been given to my Father by his parents, which were in fact the nice ones mentioned. The rest were shabby, and there was the occasional home-made one that I had helped my mother make. I even pulled out my mother's old spell and conjured some tinsel onto the tree. Last, but not least, I let Harry put up the star. Draco had agreed that he should do it, even though I knew very well he never got to do it at Malfoy Manor, where the house elves had done the decorating every year by Lucius and Narcissa's orders. But Draco looked happy anyway as he watched. I found it rather amusing too, for Harry grinned like an idiot as he set the star on top, his messy hair looking as spiky as the tree. Draco and I clapped in mock adoration.

"Bravo, bravo," Draco said in a pompous voice.

"Five points from Gryffindor Mr. Potter for putting the star on crooked," I added in my most disapproving voice, ultimately earning a hearty laugh from both of the boys.

The star really wasn't crooked though, and it was a very nice tree. There was no definite theme to it as most of the trees at Hogwarts had from year to year, but nonetheless its haphazard arrangement of ornaments looked nice. Though I had to admit, it did look like it was decorated by a couple of blokes. No feminine touch to be found.

"Hang on, we missed an ornament," Harry said rather curiously, tugging on a ribbon that was at the bottom of the box. A thin frosted glass oval slid out from under one of the bottom flaps of the cardboard, and he lifted it up for us to see.

I felt a sudden hatred rise in my throat, for the last time I had seen that ornament was when I was four, after which it had disappeared. I suspected my mother. I had always thought she had thrown it away, but perhaps she could not bear to part with it, even if its meaning was lost. Just like how he was, in so many ways.

I held out my hand, and Harry gulped and gave it to me, noticing the rather mutinous look on my face. I whipped out my wand, barely noticing that Harry and Draco flinched slightly. I tapped the frosted glass with a bit more force than strictly necessary, and then muttered a spell. I let out a deep breath as the words on the glass melted into a smooth surface once more, forever erasing the words Tobias and Eileen's first Christmas together. Harry edged nearer to look at what I was doing. I waved my wand again, and a flowing script carved itself into the glass.

"Better," I said calmly, feeling quite relieved. "His name does not belong near my mother's."

I hung the reworked ornament on the tree once again, only this time it said:

In Memory of Eileen Prince

May 12th 1939 - December 19th 1973

"Was he that bad?" Draco asked a little shyly.

"He was a piece of work, we'll leave it at that," I muttered, thinking of all the ways in which he should have been there for me. That stopped when he started drinking. Perhaps he tried to distance himself from us, simply out of fear of losing us. But I did not really know at all why he ended up the way he was. I didn't even pretend to understand, because I knew I never would.

"Thanks for not being like him," muttered Harry as he sunk down on the sofa, his words pulling me from my thoughts.

"And yet I see him every time I look in the mirror," I said a little bitterly before I could catch myself. I wished I had not said it.

"But you're not him," Draco said, as he joined me by the fireplace. "I look like Lucius, but I'll never be him."

I was surprised, and it took me a few seconds to reply, and when I did I said, "You're right. Wise words son."

Despite Draco never having known Tobias, I was heartened by his statement. Sometimes I saw a little too much of Tobias' brokenness in me. These days especially. But then again, any bad qualities were bound to remind me of my father, as he had possessed a great many. But Draco was right. After all these years you'd think I would have learned that I wasn't my father through and through, for despite an uncanny physical resemblance, I was Severus, not Tobias; just as Draco was not Lucius. Sometimes it was hard to keep myself from seeing him as I tried to find myself during dark days such as the ones I was going through now. The words Draco had just said marked the first time anyone had thought to tell me I wasn't like my father, and truly meant it, and that made my Christmas holidays already worthwhile.

    I was distracted from my thoughts by something rather amusing. As a reaction to my praise, Draco had swelled with pride, and after a moment he strutted over to the sofa with a rather smug look on his face. I fought to keep a straight face, because he looked precisely like one of the Malfoy peacocks showing off. I didn't mention this of course, for this thought also was driven for my mind, for as my eyes followed Draco I saw that Harry was no longer sitting on the sofa, and instead was standing by the tree. He was staring at the glass ornament with an odd look on his face. I paused for a second, and then, quietly as possible while both boys were not looking I reached down into the box of wood by the fireplace and took out a small piece of kindling. I set it on the mantelpiece above the fireplace, glanced one more time at Harry, whose back was turned, and then transfigured the piece of wood into a small glass disk like one on the tree. It was not as nice as the one my mother had crafted with her magic so many years ago, but it would do. I did the final spell, and then I summoned one of the small wire hooks left over in the box that had held the ornaments, and stuck it through the little hole in the glass.

"Harry," I said softly. He turned around quickly, surprised. I held out the little piece of glass, and curiously, he came over to where I was.

He adjusted his glasses and then read the small writing upon the glass, just like the one now on the tree.

As he read it silently, Harry's lips formed the shape of the words "In loving memory of Lily and James Potter". He looked surprised, but pleased upon reading his father's name too. He swallowed thickly, and I knew by the look on his face he had been thinking of exactly the thing I had guessed. He softly walked over to the tree to hang it gently on the branches of the evergreen. Then, we all stood back once more to admire the tree. Even though the baubles and the star on top were shining, Harry's face was shining far brighter.

Draco winked and covertly reached over to give me a silent high five behind Harry's back; I stifled a laugh. This was shaping up to be a good holiday indeed.