I appeared a ways from Malfoy Manor. I quickly entered the large belt of trees that surrounded it on either side. Through these trees I carefully walked, and after some time I saw Lupin standing guard in the bushes, glancing back and forth. I swore internally, and took a detour to the side. It wouldn't do for him to see me. Slowly I continued. Suddenly I felt the tingling sensation of my foot going through the wards. Much to my surprise it appeared that they had keyed them in for me to enter. I took another step, and was through the wards. When I paused to think about it, it was far easier this way, and much less dangerous for them. Nobody would have to risk their lives to come out and get me, or do any extra spells to allow me passage and possibly a short window of opportunity for the Order. I wished there was a way for me to break the wards from the inside, but I knew there was no way for me to do so, for the Dark Lord's wards I knew to be made so that only he could access them. Many wards were like that; the ones that surrounded my home were only accessible to Dumbledore or myself should they need to be changed. Knowing that it was my only choice, I continued on my journey, mind travelling elsewhere as the trees became fewer.

       Now that I was through the wards and the trees were not so thick I could see Malfoy Manor. The great ruined building loomed overhead like a ghost from another life. I ignored the shiver running down my spine as the moonlight hit the blackened stones and gaping windows. Those empty windows seemed to gaze into my soul, to ask me why I was here tonight. To ask me if I was ready for this. But I shook my head at such thoughts, and closed myself off to what was making my insides ache - the harsh reality that I was not ready to die. I circled around the edges of the property. In time I found the gates, which were open and waiting for me to enter, for with a deactivated Dark Mark I would not be allowed to go through the usual way. I took a deep breath, and as soon as I stepped through the gates they clashed shut behind me. The sharp noise rang out painfully in the silence. I stopped for a second to look back, and I saw Lupin looking in this direction from the bushes, for he had heard the noise, even if he could not see the manor. I forced myself to turn, and with the death knell pounding inside me I made my feet move, each step bringing me closer to Malfoy Manor.

     I pressed my hand up against the pocket that held Draco's letter. I needed to get it to him, but I knew that neither his nor Harry's letter said everything. But how could they? Despite knowing the that putting everything I wished to say in a letter was impossible, I was not comforted in the least. I still felt as though I should have said more ... that some how I could have, and such a feeling only made that death knell ring louder in my ears. I paused for a second, at long last finding it impossible to go on. I had not gotten far from the gate. Was this really the right decision? But it was too late now, and I knew that, but I could not get my stubborn legs to keep going, even though my mind was willing. Or maybe my mind wasn't as willing as I thought, however much I loved Draco. Maybe my mind was just trying to find one last loop hole, one last thing that might save both he and I, so I wouldn't have to leave my sons. But my mind found no such miracle. Instead all I could think of was the past. The ruined manor before me brought back many memories, and made it all the harder to keep going toward it. I could see that parts of it had been reconstructed, though it was by no means in the glory it once had been, and by all rights looked like an empty shell. I took a deep breath, and tried to move my feet again. No response. So far it appeared as if nobody had seen me yet. Perhaps they knew I was here, perhaps they didn't know.

Suddenly I was dragged out of thought, for I heard the light patter of hooves nearby. My heart shuddered as I looked around for the source of the familiar noise. But when I looked there was nothing there. The sound unfroze me, and filled me with a strange sort of courage, and I took another step forward. Closer, closer, closer I went until I was upon the granite step to the charred door. I heard Bellatrix's sharp laugh from inside, and the blackened door opened with an angry squeal, and I was allowed to enter. The smell of the burned rubble, which had been cleared aside for a pathway made me feel sick and set my head spinning. There was no point in fighting back, and I was not tempted to because I had stowed my wand deep into a pocket opposite Draco's letter. I had come to die, not fight.

"Where is Draco," I demanded in a voice that bravely said nothing of the turmoil and fear I felt inside. "I will go no further until he is released."

Bellatrix laughed again and then yelled out for them to bring him. I wondered in what shape he would be, and was therefore surprised when he was led, whole and unharmed (though pale) into the room. I knew there was no sense in an attempted escape, for Death Eaters had already closed in behind, and were watching the only path out. So I whipped the letter from my pocket and shoved it into his hand, knowing I would not be given the chance for a proper goodbye.

"But ..." said Draco to me, hesitating, clearly wanting to speak with me.

"Go," I said to him sharply, even though I hated to do so. I hated the tone of my voice. I hated that some of the fear in my eyes showed when I told him to leave me to die. "Run, run while you still can."

Bellatrix summoned my wand from my pocket, and I did nothing to stop her.

"Take it back to them, and tell them what has become of your great hero!" she spat to her nephew, who remained frozen as she shoved the wand at him.

Shakily he took it. Then, Draco swallowed, and blinking profusely, he bolted, looking back only once before the gate opened and he disappeared from view. I was greatly relieved that they had let him go, and I knew that he would be found by the Order in moments. I was glad he had gone without a fight, for he never could have won. I heard the gates slam shut once more, and I took my eyes from them, and instead looked at those standing in front of me. Someone closed the door behind me, the hinges letting out a throaty creak. And now came the hard part. Ropes shot out of Bellatrix's wand and bound me tightly, and only then did the Dark Lord come into view from behind a scorched pillar. I was kicked from behind quite suddenly by another Death Eater and fell painfully onto my stomach, arms pinned my side with the ropes. My nose smashed against the ground and broke. The sharp pain made me feel sick and dizzy. I was the dragged along the uneven floor, soot gathering on my face with the blood.

"This way Severus," he hissed excitedly, as I was pulled up by the back of my robe then thrown down the stairs into the cellar, which had been newly reinforced and the area around rebuilt. "It is good to see you. I daresay we have all yearned for your presence." There was nothing but ice in his voice, and it made my insides tremble to the very core as the world spun around me and I lay on my back on the cold cellar floor.

I was slammed up against the wall and chained, the ropes removed. I spat blood onto the floor, my nose bleeding and throbbing painfully. But I knew from experience that it would feel practically wonderful in comparison with what was to be thrown my way.

"Shall we start out with something simple?" asked the Dark Lord, not even waiting for an answer before throwing a Cruciatus at me. I twisted in the chains and cried out. I tasted blood.

He stopped relatively quickly, but in my books that was never a good sign.

***

Night time had gone, and the sun rose a deep orange, streaming in from the open cellar door, which they had left that way so the rest of the Death Eaters could hear my cries of pain, which with each different torture had grown more difficult to silence.

I was allowed to take a break now, so that I might survive longer. I just wanted it to end, but I would not plead for death, which was what he wanted. Left in the aftermath, I wished, oh how I wished to just close my eyes and leave the world. I had already forgotten what it was like not to hurt, with all of the injuries I had sustained; my left arm was most certainly broken, I had lost a tooth, my left shoulder was also dislocated. I had tried to shove it back into place myself like I had done once in the past, but this time it didn't work so well; I wasn't as young as I used to be. There were numerous other small cuts and scrapes here and there and a great few internal injuries that I knew were there from the feeling. My eyes were watering with pain, and I could not stop them from spilling over in this rare moment of blessed peace, the tears stinging and mixing with the splattered blood on my face.

I closed my eyes. Dreaming in my foggy state of Lily. But strangely, after a moment or so, I found myself dreaming of Laura more than anyone else. I did not have the strength to destroy the feeling, and was there really any sense in denying it? I had fallen harder for her than I could admit to myself in any other situation than one like this, where I had maybe a day or two to live - however long he allowed it. The Dark Lord could only be satisfied with torture for so long. I gave a rattling cough, and gasped for the sharp pain in my rib. I spat more blood, this time what I had I coughed up. I wondered how everyone back home was reacting to the fact that I had turned myself in. Minerva would be horrified. The look on her face when I had told the Order I was dying already was terrible, and now I imagined it would be worse once she realized what I had done. I wished I could have succeeded in my animagus classes with her, for I could tell she was excited as I to find out what my form was. I felt my heart flutter as I realized something. Wasn't it worth a try? Wasn't it worth a shot? I had been unbelievably close during our last class. What did I have to lose? I closed my eyes, and took as deep a breath as I dared with my rib currently searing.

I concentrated as I had never concentrated before, and I thought I felt the pain slipping away for a moment, but then my concentration was broken and I was still there, slumped up against the cellar wall and chained. It was only a minute until the light dimmed and I could tell he was standing there in the doorway, and slow footsteps walked down to where I was lying.

"Care for another round?" he asked, twirling his wand.

"Give it your best shot you snake-tongued bastard," I spat at him in a rough and gravelly voice, just so he knew he hadn't beaten me yet. So he struck, his snake-like eyes raging with a fire all their own.

***

I had fainted, I was sure of it, for the next thing I knew it was nighttime and I was lying in a foggy haze feeling ten thousand times worse than before. I lay there in the dark of the night for a length of time I could not put my finger on, until I felt more awake. The pain in every other part of my body diminished the one in my stomach. I wished for it to leave, for right now it was almost too much. My heart was hammering erratically with the painful throbbing I felt all over. I hungered for relief, for anything to take my pain away. I closed my eyes and tried to forget the pain, my body. I imagined myself as mist floating through air, the pain separate, no longer part of me. I had been told in the past that a sort of meditation could help one to feel the pain a little less. Indeed, I was relieved for a second when I felt a strange shivering warmth go through me as the pain left, but it was only temporary, for it was there again and I was still lying on the floor. I swore at the strength of the returning pain but was surprised at how raspy my voice sounded. I opened my eyes. Had I slumped down so low that I was now looking at the first layer of stones in the walls of the cellar? I tried to shift to sit up again, and was surprised to find that the shackles that had been on my wrists had fallen off. They appeared to have expanded in size. I went to leap up, but found it difficult. I felt clumsy, but was somehow able to get onto all fours. Crouching, I tried to stand on my legs, but fell back onto all fours, my left arm aching with pain as I tried to put weight on it. I looked down at my hands, and gasped. I had paws. I looked at my feet. Paws too, and worst of all ... I had a tail. A black, thick furry tail with grey at the end. Was I some sort of dog?

Suddenly, I was delighted. My heart hammered, making all of my injuries throb worse but I ignored them, for I had finally succeeded in becoming an animagus. Or I was delusional, but as the seconds passed I started to think I really wasn't, that this was real. For, while trying to forget the pain, without even knowing it, I had been doing a similar technique to the one Minerva had told me to try in animagus classes. Without wasting another minute, unsteadily I began to creep toward the stairs, surprised at how silent I was. Even though aches and pains shot up with every step I continued to move toward the cellar stairs. Slowly I continued, careful not to make any noise as I laboriously crept out of my prison. When I reached the top of the steps and peered cautiously around the corner, I was further delighted to see that the person supposed to be guarding me wasn't paying much attention, and was playing solitaire with a deck of exploding snap cards nearby. Like a shadow I slid from the cellar stairs to behind a stack of charred rubble that had been pushed aside, not yet cleared away like much of the ruins in the manor. I went in this fashion, freezing every time the man paused to glance around the room. Finally, I was mere feet from the tall smashed out window by the closed door, but my clumsy left front paw, which I was avoiding putting weight on gently tapped a heat warped candle holder on the ground among burned pieces of wood. It made a clattering noise, and I found myself frozen to the spot as the Death Eater looked up.

"Shoo!" he said to me, picking up a fragment of stone nearby and throwing it. "Damn animals. I told them we should have gone somewhere with proper walls." I heard him muttering something about fools and their stubborn ideas as I darted out the empty window frame, unable to believe it. I bolted from the house, adrenaline coursing through my veins. I slid easily through the bars of the fence and out into the forested area around it. I left the wards with great speed. It was only when I was in the bushes where I had seen Lupin earlier that the dizziness struck. It hit me like a freight train, I couldn't breathe, and I was suddenly aware of just how far I had ran and how much my body hurt. I wheezed and took a few steps forward, the chill air stinging my open wounds.

It was snowing; the moonlight shone down and the flakes drifted quietly to the earth. I looked up for a second, strangely aware of how serene the surrounding area was in comparison to the fighting forces within my body. My vision soon blurred all of this into a twisted mess of black; grey and white. I took one more step and collapsed into the cold snow, thinking wryly that this would be how it all ended. In my foggy mind I realized that I would have no chance of surviving frostbite in my current state. Not a second time. I lay there for what felt like a lifetime, the quiet snowflakes drifting down onto my thick fur, which seemed to hold little warmth in my sick and injured state. I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I first saw the pair of boots coming toward me, and faintly within my ears heard the crunch of snow as they approached.

"What are you doing here little guy?" asked a male voice I thought I recognized. I puzzled over it for a second. It couldn't have been Lupin, for his shift by now was long over. "That looks like it hurts." I felt a hand - gentle and kind - reach down and stroke my back. I let out a soft wheeze of thanks, for my muscles loosened slightly with the repetitive motion. "My shift is over anyway ... I think you could use some help."

I knew that voice, oh Merlin I knew it, though I could not place it. My eyes rolled back briefly and then forward again, and I saw dark hair as arms reached down and picked me up, wrapping me in the excess material of what felt like a cloak. I could hear the steady beating of the man's heart, and could feel every footstep. I stirred slightly and another quiet whisper escaped my lips, which were caked with blood.

"Shh, I'll find someone to patch you up," he said. "Between you and me, I have a soft spot for animals."

I felt the air press in on me. The man must have apparated. I breathed in sharply. The apparation had intensified the pain in my ribs, and it made me feel sick. The man took another step and suddenly my stomach revolted. I heaved all over his arm, but was surprised that I was not dropped. It was mostly bile anyway; I had not eaten in a long time.

"That is disgusting," remarked the man distastefully. "No matter ... Molly will know a spell for that." As an afterthought the man added, "I hope she doesn't mind me bringing you back, but she is very good with healing animals. Merlin knows that menace of an owl has hurt himself enough to require her to learn that sort of thing." He appeared to be rambling on to himself, or perhaps he really did think I could understand him.

Molly ... I wondered who was carrying me that knew her well enough to take me to her. I felt bad for throwing up on my rescuer, but was delighted to learn that I was being taken back to the Burrow. I wasn't entirely surprised though, as it was generally the place where members of the Order checked in these days, for Grimmauld Place was not as accessible as it used to be. Voldemort had caught wind of the general area of headquarters, so sometimes we found it easier to meet other places, depending on Death Eater activity and the number of our people planning on meeting. Apparation to the steps of Grimmauld Place was risky now, for many days of the year there had been Death Eaters out and about looking for headquarters. Black had been the first to point that out, and therefore suggested that we come through the floo unless absolutely necessary, which meant that larger meetings were difficult to hold on days the Dark Lord had followers sweeping the area. I forgot these thoughts for a while, for I saw the glittering lights of the Burrow ahead, and felt my heart soar. I coughed harshly, this time tasting blood.

"Take it easy little guy," said the voice, and he pulled his cloak tighter around me.

Oh Hell, I remembered who that voice belonged to. Speak of the Devil, I was in the arms of Sirius Black. I felt my stomach twist once more.

"Yuck, did you have to do that again?" said Black, sounding a little green after I thoroughly covered his arm with the rest of the contents of my stomach. The taste burned my mouth.

He knocked on the door of the Burrow, and Ginny opened the door.

"Hello Sirius, what are you - oh the poor thing!" she cried, spying me and putting her hand to her mouth. "Come in, I'm sure Mum will be able to do something for it."

"Thank you Ginny," replied Sirius as Ginny shouted for Molly.

Molly rushed over to us. I could only see blurry shapes for the pain, but she bent down slightly to examine me.

"This one's been through the mill," she said. "A black fox ... how curious. Where did you find it?"

So that's what I am, I thought dazedly.

"Outside Malfoy Manor at the end of my shift," said Black. "I think my dear cousin was torturing it for sport and left it to go off and die. She has a bit of an aversion to anything dog-like. I think that has something to do with my namesake, if you'll pardon me saying so."

Ginny, who was standing nearby said, "They're supposed to be unlucky you know, black foxes. I don't think the poor dear would disagree with that."

No, I would not disagree. Call me ‘dear' again and I'll lean over and bite you.

"Ah yes, I have heard that before. I've never seen one; not many survived the years of over-hunting," I heard Molly say, rather sadly as she bustled about. "Bring it over here Sirius, and settle it on this blanket."

I was set down, in far more gentle a manner than I could ever imagine Black to be capable of.

"You wouldn't know a spell to get this out, would you" asked Black, and I supposed he must be talking about the nice stain I had inflicted upon his robe.

"I'm afraid it will need to be washed to get it out properly," said Molly. "I can do that for you if you would like."

"Yeah, thanks." I saw the fuzzy form of Black shrug off his robe, revealing a white shirt and black trousers. Molly took it sent it to her laundry room with a wave of her wand and then knelt down on the floor next to me.

"Ginny, get me a wet cloth and warm water and some dittany. Bring the bag of herbs I keep in the cupboard."

I coughed violently, which sounded horrid, even to my ears.

"I don't know if he will make it," said Molly as Black sat beside me and stroked one of my paws gently with his finger. Even though he still repulsed me to some degree, once another wave of dizziness fell upon me and made me forget temporarily who was petting me, I had to admit it felt sort of nice.

"He's strong though, you can see it in his eyes," he muttered as Molly waved her wand over me.

"Broken leg, dislocated shoulder, some shattered bones in the snout, fractured rib, numerous cuts, dehydration, missing a tooth ... who did this?"

"I stand by my first assumption. I am quite willing to bet it was Bellatrix, or one of her sick friends."

"Quite likely," Molly said, sounding upset. "Be careful Sirius, this will hurt him and he might bite."

She muttered a spell, and suddenly I heard a pop and my shoulder went back into place. The pain made me want to throw up again, but I moaned quite loudly instead. I stopped quickly, even though it still hurt, for I was surprised at the noise I made, which had come in the form of a long dog-like howl.

"It's okay there fella, I would be howling to high heaven too," muttered Black under his breath. I appreciated his statement, though it hurt like the blazes.

"Alright, now for the bones," Molly told Sirius. "I'll have to set the leg, and the bones in the snout before they can heal so he'll do that at least twice more."

"I'm ready," said Black.

I saw her wand hovering over my leg, but she lowered it.

"What's going on?" I heard Harry ask. It sounded as though he was at the foot of the stairs, and I tried to shift to get a good look at him, but couldn't. He sounded like he had been crying.

"Sirius found an injured fox. We're healing a few of its injuries, so don't be surprised if it is a bit loud."

"Okay."

"How's Draco?" asked Black to Harry.

"Asleep," muttered Harry. "He'll be okay, I think."

"How are you?"

"Surviving," was all that Harry said before retreating up the stairs, which showed how bad he was feeling if he didn't want to spend time with his godfather. I wished to transform back, but knew that it was risky with Molly healing me right now. I would wait. I felt so relieved to know that I had been able to return to them.

I let loose another long howl as Molly set the bone in my leg, but took a deep breath when a warm heat went through it, the bone healed. The same went for my nose, or snout I supposed. Then I tried to stand up, but Black gently pushed me down, which was just as well because I was too dizzy to move anyway.

"Plenty of spirit, that's apparent," Black muttered, holding me down as Molly started to gently wash away the blood in my fur with the warm water and cloth. It felt wonderful, and with only the remaining aches from the cruciatus curse I was able to relax, for my pain in comparison to how it had been was minimal. She applied a little bit of dittany, and I was coaxed into drinking some bitter herbs mixed into a bowl of water.

I felt a hand scratch behind my ear. My tail twitched slightly and I let out a sort of sigh, for it was an extremely nice feeling.

"He sure does act like a dog, for a fox," said Black, amused. " Makes me wonder if it could have been one of Lucius Malfoy's old pets hanging around. He had quite the collection of exotic animals. Doesn't have as strong a scent as a fox would either. Perhaps I'll ask Draco some time."

My ears twitched this way and that as I listened in on the conversation. I wondered if my lack of the usual musk that a fox gives off had something to do with the fact that I was magical, and an animagus. I reminded myself to ask Minerva about it.

"It very well could be a pet left behind after the fire," Molly replied thoughtfully, putting the stopper back in the dittany. "That's just as well that it doesn't have a strong scent; it's too cold to keep him outside."

"I think it would be best if you put up a few spells to keep him in one place until you find out how tame he is," said Black.

"Yes, although we've had all manner of strange animals in this house when it has gotten too cold for them to be outside. I remember once we had to keep a little piglet in here for almost a week, Ginny was ecstatic." Molly chuckled slightly. "I was not happy; it kept rooting around in my potted plants."

I fell asleep soon after, under the watchful gaze of Black and Molly, safe at last in the home of someone who cared for me. I would turn back when I awoke, and then Harry and Draco would not need to fear any longer. But first, I needed strength.