Ron was lying in his bed thinking about a few nights ago when he had met Brogan outside the room of requirement, remembering how Brogan had said she hoped he was strong enough to wrestle the wand out of her hand if she tried to avada kedavra herself. He knew that in such a situation he would be able to snap the damn thing in half with two fingers but the wand wasn’t what he was worrying about while he waited.
Just as he was getting really concerned though his curtains parted all on their own and his bed dipped. Nothing could have stopped the smile that crossed his face knowing his friend had arrived, and when Brogan pulled the cloak back she was smiling too. Ron opened his arms and she launched herself at his chest, chuckling a little into his neck.
“Pansy went well then?” Ron asked. He felt a nod, “and your da too?” another nod and he was pleased that he had stopped himself from saying Snape. “Tell me,” he ordered.
Brogan crawled off of him and shucked the cloak she was still mostly wrapped in, underneath she had on sweatpants and a t-shirt. Her wand appeared, he wasn’t sure from where because it didn’t look like her clothes had a lot of pockets, and she flicked it at the hangings a few times. Then she stuffed her wand under the pillow next to Ron’s and curled up beside him.
“Pansy is brilliant! I love her!”
Ron laughed.
“We spent half an hour trying to figure out if I was gay before,” Brogan’s enthusiasm dimmed a tiny bit at Ron’s face and she faltered but kept going, “and she told me that Draco has had a crush on me forever and she said he was Harrysexual which was kind of awesome to hear.
And then my da told me that whenever I leave to come sleep with you he likes to imagine James Potter’s face.” Brogan paused and looked at Ron’s completely shocked face. “I know,” she continued, “I don’t think I’m dreaming because it’s too crazy to come up with in a dream -do you think Dumbledore put a good luck charm on me? or slipped some of that good luck potion in my drink this morning? Because seriously how is this my life? How is this anyone’s life?”
“I don’t know mate, I’m still working on Pansy being brilliant.”
Brogan nodded seriously and flopped down next to Ron, “I’m wondering if you should try dating her, she’s really cool and I think you’d like her. She wants to hang out with Luna too.”
Ron whipped his head around so fast that they could hear his neck pop. “What?”
“Ron, I think the Slytherins might actually be humans too, it’s been bizarre.”
“Give me a moment mate?” Ron asked. So Brogan did, she pulled off her socks and shoes and tucked them in her cloak and arranged the pile on the foot of the bed. Then she wriggled under the sheets and blankets next to Ron, automatically turning on her side to face him and bringing one knee up to just touch his hip. Ron slid an arm under her neck and dragged her closer.
“We’re going to put Pansy to the side for a minute, and Draco’s sexuality, and Snape getting even with a dead guy by letting his daughter sleep in the boys dorm,” Ron shuddered, “and we’re going to talk about your visit with Pomfrey.”
Brogan gave him a dirty look, “sure pick the one bummer thing that happened today.”
Ron beeped her nose and waited.
“Pomfrey ran a deep diagnostic on me but most of what they did was neglect you know, not beating me or anything. She’s making me take potions for the rest of the year to see if they’ll help repair some of the malnutrition damage, to see if I can grow any taller I guess and to strengthen my bones and stuff. And Pomfrey asked me what flavor I would like which was a surprise, I didn’t know potions came in flavors but I think she wants to stick it to Snape and have him make them special. Which is sort of evil but I wasn’t going to say anything.”
“Why do you think it’s evil?”
Brogan shrugged, “I guess because of all the times I was in the infirmary before and she didn’t notice anything either.”
Ron said, “hmmmm,” and then went silent again waiting for Brogan to say more.
Brogan realized he wanted to hear more and looked up at the canopy above them, thinking about what else she should say. “I’m going back in two weeks, she’s going to see how the potions are working and we’re going to have tea.”
“That’s good.”
“She told me she wanted to do the interview this afternoon because she knew I had a practice scheduled and the flying after would be a nice release.”
“It looked like it was; letting the snitch go in the dark is a very Harry thing by the way, you might want to watch that.”
“I suppose having Ron help me find it again is very Harry too.”
Run blushed and grumbled, “you’d still be there now.”
Brogan retorted with something about Pansy being very intimidating and they launched into a very quiet and subdued tickle fight.
Some time later they were fixing the sheets and getting themselves arranged in the narrow bed. Ron was pushing her hair out of his face and trying to get it to stay behind Brogan’s ear when he noticed the little gold earring. He thumbed it gently and Brogan let out a soft whine, “stop they’re all nasty and sore. It was a stupid idea, but you know anything to bring out my inner girl.”
“I suppose,” said Ron. “Do you want me to get an ear done too so we can share the pain?”
“Sure, I’ll ask Pansy to do you; she did mine.”
“Before you were besties or after?”
“Before, definitely before, so maybe yours won’t hurt as much.”
They were quiet for a moment and then Ron asked a question he had been holding in for a long time, he only asked it because he knew that his mate was probably wondering the same thing too, “Harry, do you think your aunt and uncle would have been better to you if you were a girl?”
There was a long silence but Brogan sighed and answered, “Yeah, I think they would have been. I wouldn’t have been competing with Dudley so much and they would have had to buy me my own clothes, I think it would have been a little better. But I don’t think they would have loved me, I would have still cooked and cleaned, I probably still would have gotten the cupboard.”
Brogan could almost hear Ron’s heart thumping next to her, she twisted around in his arms so she could put her head down on his chest. Ron’s hands were carding through her hair, they were getting stuck a lot and the little tugs were sort of annoying but she didn’t say anything.
“I wonder what will happen next,” Ron finally asked.
Brogan snorted and elbowed him, “I come here to be soothed Ron, not to have you get me all upsetter.”
She felt his chest heave as he laughed about ‘upsetter’. It brought a very pleased smile to her face and she dropped off to sleep quickly, safe in the circle of his arms.
The morning rush was bittersweet for the girl under the cloak; she had her shoes and socks on and was sitting quietly out of the way watching everyone run around searching for ties. Brogan was ninety percent sure that Ron had hidden Seamus’ tie in Neville’s trunk just to make a better show for her.
It was a fun morning and the start of a good day. A good day that led to one good week after another as Brogan became better friends with all her year mates in Slytherin now that she was secure in Pansy’s approval. She still woke up too many nights with bad dreams or visions so she still fell asleep in the common room but it just served to endear her more to the snakes now.
One night in particular she fell asleep early with her head on Draco’s lap and when Draco needed to get up and do some prefect thing he had Blaise slide in to take his place, but then later Blaise had to look over a star chart with Daphne so he actually got Greg to take his place and then Greg needed to participate in the exploding snap game so Pansy who was just back from the prefect meeting took his place and then a few minutes later Draco showed up and decided enough was enough so he carried her home.
“When do you get your homework done?” Draco mused aloud as he carried her down the hall. She was a bit heavier than she had been, he decided this weight was perfect; just solid enough that he didn’t worry. Even so he almost dropped her when she answered sleepily.
“Between three and six when I can’t get back to sleep.”
“That seems rather lonely.”
She shrugged, “I guess that’s why I go to the common room even if I know I’m going to fall asleep, at least I’m absorbing auras or something.”
A gust of wind blew down the empty corridor and Brogan shivered and tried to burrow into Draco. “You should have brought a coat, it’s almost December.”
“It’s like ten steps,” she lifted her head and peered around, “did you get lost?”
“No, we’re almost there.” She made a sort of humming sound that conveyed, well get along then chop-chop, but Draco still paused, “do you think Severus will be home?”
“I really have no idea, sharing his schedule with me is still a very new concept to him.”
Draco hummed and then turned briskly and carried Brogan instead to a little alcove, the snogging bench (as it was called) was close enough to the common room entrance that if you heard someone coming you could just make it back -usually, if you heard the noise soon enough.
Draco settled them on the bench and pulled out his wand to cast a warming charm. Brogan smiled and gave him a soft kiss, even she knew it was the snogging bench. Draco returned the kiss and then seemed to realize where he had brought her. “Actually,” peck, “I” peck, “wanted to tell you something.”
Brogan leaned back and looked up at him with a face that said, uh huh sure you did.
Draco put his hands on her shoulders and kept the distance between them though he met her eyes with a completely smitten smile. “I got a letter from my mother today, she wants me to go to France for the break.”
“Oh,” said Brogan and tried to keep the pout off her face. She knew that her friends had homes for the holidays and everyone was making their plans now.
“I asked if you could come with me but Severus said no, he’s afraid that my mum knows him too well and is too clever. I don’t think you could stand up to her extended scrutiny like that.”
“But she sent you to Severus...”
“I know, but it was never her intent that I get this close to the side of the light, she wants me to be neutral.”
“She wants you to be safe.”
“But I’m working on maybe you coming for a day or two, you’ve never been to France have you? We could even meet for lunch in Paris.”
“Lunch would be lovely. I can have Astoria lay out an outfit for me, just in case, before she goes.”
“Just in case,” Draco agreed and then decided that he had said what he needed to say and now was a good time to resume kissing. He needed to let Brogan know that he really did want her to come to France with him.
At breakfast the next day Brogan was kind of glum. “I heard Draco is going to France, it seems like everyone is taking off...”
Snape looked at her, wondering if he was supposed to guess what was depressing her. Well, he decided that wasn’t too hard to guess, an entire winter break with a man who hid behind newspapers every morning was rather bleak. He took a sip of his coffee and decided to spare them both any further unfinished sentences.
“Foremost amongst my own wishes for the break is to spend some time with you working on basic defensive spells, namely shielding, expelliarmus and stupefy.
I also have two new potion variations for you to test. They should be ready quite soon but I thought we might wait until an adverse reaction didn’t jeopardize your coursework or social life.”
Woo-hoo thought Brogan wishing she could hide behind a newspaper too but since there was only the one copy she tried to look pleased. Her father didn’t comment on the face but he did continue.
“Molly Weasley was quite forceful in demanding Harry Potter’s presence at the Burrow this Christmas, obviously an extended visit under polyjuice would become tiresome but if you wish it you may go for Christmas and Boxing Day.
Mr. Lovegood has also written to inquire if you might visit with Luna for a bit this holiday. The Lovegoods live quite close to the Weasleys so I thought if you were open to that as well, perhaps for New Year’s, you could manage to see your friends again without the burden of disguise.”
Brogan was beaming now. Snape took another sip of his coffee, “You were also invited to the Parkinsons, the Greenglasses and of course the Malfoys. Your recent rise in popularity is quite remarkable.”
Brogan was bouncing a bit now, “Will I be able to see any of them?”
“No. Those families are all too dark and it is too risky, we will make up some story about you visiting your mother to account for the rest of your break.”
“Draco thought maybe we could just meet somewhere for lunch, and avoid his mum that way.”
“In Paris no doubt?”
Brogan blushed and shrugged. “Very well, I will discuss it with Albus and see what can be done.”
“Thanks Da, I can’t believe so many people want me to visit!”
Snape was unsure how he should respond to that, had people asked before and been refused by the headmaster without the headmaster ever telling Brogan? Were people too intimidated by Harry’s fame or stories about Harry to invite him? Were Slytherins simply more gregarious than Gryffindors? Hypothesizing about these questions with Brogan wouldn’t get them anywhere, in fact it might just make her glum again; Severus returned to his paper.
The holiday spirit seemed to descend in force the last few weeks of term. Brogan fretted over what to buy for whom, she seemed to have twice as many people to shop for now and the excitement sent her into a tizzy.
At first money had been an issue of course, Brogan inherited funds from the Potter estate but she felt terrible using them -in her opinion James Potter had been used enough. Brogan had learned in early September that she was named as the heir to the Black estate but that made her feel terrible too. Her Da tried to give her money too but she even felt guilty taking it from him, he had never asked to be a father.
“Whose money do you want?” Severus actually snapped at her one day when she was acting especially tiresome on the matter.
Brogan thought seriously about it for a moment, “I wouldn’t mind spending a big heap of the Dursleys money actually,” she finally came up with an answer.
“Fine,” snarled Snape, “that seems perfectly appropriate to me as well. How much do you suppose they owe you for all the chores you performed and all the decency they withheld?”
“£500 pounds?”
“You never cease to underestimate yourself, let’s make it £1,000 even.” Responded Severus getting up to fetch a clean piece of parchment.
“You’re going to write to them and ask them for that much money for me? Well, obviously you are, but they won’t respond.”
“Of course they will,” sneered Severus drawing out his wand and preparing to charm the parchment.
“But that’s magic,” breathed Brogan, “and they’re muggles.”
“They are muggles already aware of magic, are you afraid I’ll get in trouble?” Her da seemed to be daring her to suggest such a thing.
“No, of course not. It’s just- effing brilliant is what it is. Oh if this works I swear I will spend every penny on the most ridiculous most magical items I can find.”
“Now you’re doubting my plan will work, wait and see missy, wait and see.”
A few days later a sack of coins was waiting for Brogan at the breakfast table, when she arrived her da explained, “Your aunt sent me a cheque yesterday so after classes I flooed to the bank and had it converted for you. Happy shopping.”
Released from the guilt of spending money she didn’t feel she deserved, released from societal (or Gryffindor) prejudices that boys don’t have fun shopping Brogan had a ball shopping. She went through catalogs constantly with Luna and Pansy desperate to find just the right gifts for everyone.
She was lounging in her room one day with Pansy, they were looking through a clothing catalog when Pansy, who knew very well that she didn’t, asked if Brogan had an outfit for Slughorn’s Christmas Party. Brogan turned red immediately, it was double embarassing because Slughorn had only invited select students to his party and then of course because she didn’t have anything to wear.
“I really don’t want to go to the stupid thing but Da wants me to be nice.” Brogan complained to her friend, which was a complete lie. Dumbledore had asked her to attend and be ‘nice’ to Slughorn because there was another memory (of course) that she was supposed to see at some point and then she had to try and get information from the professor or something, Brogan thought it was all very cloak and dagger and she wished he could just show her the stupid memory so she knew what was going on but her da was being an arsehole, and oh, Pansy was talking still.
“....borrow?”
“I’m sorry, I tuned out for a moment there because we were talking about clothes, did you have a suggestion?” Nice save, Brogan congratulated herself.
“I was saying that since you’re one of the only girls I know going you should just borrow something.”
“I hate how he’s making people feel bad by being all exclusive, I really don’t want to go.”
“Well I can get over you going, you're his potions star and a professor’s daughter and all that. Are you bringing Draco with you?”
“Yeah, I’m certainly not going to go by myself and I’m sure Draco’s good at these sorts of things, right?”
“It’s like he was born for it, well, because -you know- he was.”
“And it’s something for his parents to be pleased about I guess. He told me he’s going to France for the break.”
“Did he invite you?”
“Yeah, but Da won’t let me go, except maybe for lunch in Paris one day. Don’t worry,” Brogan was quick to reassure, “if they do let me go I already had Astoria choose an outfit -she set it up on a hanger or something in the wardrobe. And she had entirely too much fun doing it too.”
“Well, you should tell her you’re going to the Slugfest and let her go wild on that too.”
“That would be easiest wouldn’t it?” Brogan sighed and then rolled over closer to Pansy, “Pansy do you think I’ll ever get the hang of this? Will I ever get like style or grace or poise or those things that make being female cool? I still get dressed every day and feel like I”m going out in a disguise. Actually when I go to bed every night I feel like I’m in disguise too.
The only time I feel like my old self is when I’m with Ron. Even Hermione makes me feel weird, like I can barely hear what she’s saying because I’m wondering if her boobs are bigger than mine and how long it takes her to fix her hair.”
“How do your new friends make you feel, like Astoria?”
“Mostly like I’m an idiot, I guess. It’s hard to believe what a double standard there is until you’ve experienced it like this. As a boy, and I guess as an orphan too, nobody cared at all about my grades. First Gryffindors aren’t expected to be super brainy, then boys aren’t encouraged to be all nerdy, and then nobody but me ever looked at my grades so there was no parent to be disappointed. And now all of that has changed and it’s been quite the shocker actually.
I got a poor on that nasty pop quiz McGonagall gave us the other day and my da went ballistic. Made me cry too.”
“Did he give you a biscuit when you got an O on the second pop quiz?”
“No, but he did say ‘well done’ and then gave me this sort of inscrutable look, and made me cry again.”
“Poor little choochie face, what doesn’t make you cry?”
“Actually the raspberry potion I think. Madam Pomfrey prescribed a whole slew of flavored (can you imagine?) potions for me and I’m pretty sure the raspberry one is some sort of hormone modifying thing. The first week I took a nice big dose and it felt like I had gotten my bits back but every week there’s less and less of it.
Da even puts a box of tissues on the table Saturday morning because that’s the day the dose goes down.”
Pansy had a very concerned look on her face and she flopped down near Brogan so she could rub her shoulder a bit, Brogan couldn’t believe she had ever thought Pansy cold or mean. Pansy sniffed loudly, “you need to tell us these things Brogan, we don’t realize them you know.”
Brogan nodded and sniffed herself.
“Draco told me that you’re wearing a charm on your eyes too because they were so recognizable. Can I see?”
Brogan reached out for her wand from the night table, she just wrapped her hand around it though and non-verbally removed the charm. Pansy gasped when she saw the difference, “wow, he’s right. It’s uncanny to see; like you don’t realize how green they were but seeing them again... Just another piece of suck for you huh? The one thing that stayed the same and you have to hide it.”
Brogan nodded and tried to reapply the charm non-verbally without pointing the wand at her face, just holding the wand at her side. She looked up at Pansy again and Pansy beamed at her success.
Brogan smiled back, “I spend hours practicing it, I don’t know I had some weird scenario in my head where someone is trying to catch me out and they cast a finite at me but if I close my eyes and touch my wand I can reapply the charm quickly and quietly before I open my eyes, right, and then they think nothing happened with the finite.”
“That’s brilliant, I think you’ve got it too. Show your da, he’ll be really impressed, he might even give you points.”
“Or a biscuit.”
They sprawled quietly on the bed together for a while, Brogan decided to practice more non-verbal spells with her wand by making the Hedwig doll fly around the room. At first the doll was just floating around but that wasn’t very gratifying so Brogan figured out how to make the wings flap and eventually it was as if the doll was animated and flying.
Pansy nudged her and smirked, “I would have made you cry over that poor grade as well,” and in her best Snape voice she continued, “see what you can do when you apply yourself?”
Brogan flicked her wand and Hedwig attacked.