Harry stared down at the reply from Sirius that had come to him Sunday afternoon. What had he written to Sirius to elicit a response after so long... after so many letters with no responses? That's right, he'd told Sirius that he had PTSD and he was sure Sirius must have looked it up. He'd said his father wouldn't leave him alone... wouldn't stop pestering him to talk about it. Sirius didn't seem to agree with Harry. 'Maybe you should talk to him.' Harry frowned. Why, why should I? He's a big jerk, what does he care? Snape used to be terrible to him.

If Sirius didn't agree with Harry about one part of the letter, what about the other part? 'I'm fine. You're fine. Everybody's fine!' Isn't that what he'd written? Maybe he didn't think Harry was fine (and really what had Harry written to him so far to indicate that he was)? Maybe Sirius wasn't fine. Remus had said as much, that Sirius was struggling because of what he'd done.

Harry scrunched up the note and threw it on the floor in the corner by the wardrobe. Ron would think he was nutters if he found out Harry had been writing to Sirius and had actually gotten a response back. Harry got dressed and went down to the common room. Ron and Hermione had let him sleep in and had already gone down to breakfast, but Ginny was sitting on a couch reading.

"Hi Harry," she said. "I waited until you woke up to go to breakfast."

He smiled at her, but didn't feel like smiling. He felt... confused about Sirius' response, and the things Remus had said to him in the past about Sirius trying to help him, trying to make ammends, saving Snape for him, were trying to crowd each other out in his mind.

"Ginny," he said, "can we have lunch together instead? A picnic maybe?"

"It's snowing outside."

"I know... I was going to go see my dad this morning." Well, he hadn't planned on it, but he felt like he should now. "Maybe we could have a picnic in one of the empty classrooms... just the two of us."

"That sounds nice actually. I'm getting tired of sitting with Ron and Hermione at every meal. All Ron can do is praise Hermione for how good she is at Quidditch."

Harry smirked and felt like he should give her a kiss then. Something he hadn't actually done yet. The common room was empty aside from some seventh years in a corner engrossed in their NEWT studies, so he moved closer. "You're something else," he said to her quietly. And then as though he'd been dosed with Veritaserum he said, "I feel like I should kiss you."

She blushed then and leaned in. Feeling embarassed, Harry looked quickly at the group of Seventh years who were pretending not to watch, and leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the lips. When he pulled away, his lips felt... strange. Like the exchange had been magic.

"The Runes room at one?" Harry asked.

"I'll bring lunch," she said quietly, and he smiled and went out the Portrait hole.

Harry reached up to touch his lips where the feeling of the kiss still lingered as soon as he got into the corridor, and thought about it for ten or twelve steps, before he started to think about Sirius and his letter again. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Sirius did care about him if he told him to go talk to his father. And maybe Remus was right and his Godfather was trying to make ammends by bringing his dad back. But if Sirius cared so much, why did he hurt him so badly? Why did he hurt him at all?

Harry knocked on the door to his father's dungeon quarters, and after almost two minutes, it opened and Harry went in past his father and sat down in the high backed living room chair. He put his head in one hand and sat quietly. His father didn't say anything at first as he came over and sat down gingerly on one of the couches as though he were still in pain from his injuries.

"I want to apologize to you Harry," Severus said quietly, and Harry looked up at him and let his hand fall.

"Why?"

"You were right. I was not listening to you yesterday. There is a time to talk and it was not kind of me to try to force you to do so. I also wish to apologize for my earlier behavior towards you... in the years before I found out you were my son."

What? Why was he apologizing for this now?­ Besides, hadn't he already apologized?

"I know I cannot take back the things I said to you, or the way I acted previously. All I can do is try to be the best father I can be right at this moment."

"Why are you apologizing now? You already said this."

"Because of what you said yesterday."

Harry frowned and cast his mind around for what he could have said to bring this on.

"You reminded me that Remus is one of the few adults you have known who has never been bad to you." Harry opened his mouth to say he hadn't been meaning to accuse his father of being bad, but Severus held up a hand to stall him. "I am aware you did not say that to remind me of how I had acted, but it made me realize that it was still on your mind. I did not realize it was an issue, and I should have, and for that I apologize. I should not have stepped into the role of your father while expecting that you would just forget or magically heal from all the wrongs I had done to you."

Harry opened his mouth and then closed it again. He was sort of... impressed. It had been on his mind, thinking about how his father had treated him like something disgusting on the way back from finding Draco. They were quiet for long moments as Severus let Harry think over what had been said.

"I had a lot of time to think while I was away," Severus continued, and Harry looked up and met his eyes. "I realized how you make my world... how you mean everything to me. The thought of getting back to you kept me going, even when I was no longer coherent. It was as if my magic was reaching out to you, and forcing my body to hang on when my mind didn't know what to hold on to any longer." He stopped then and swallowed as though his throat had gone dry, and Harry's heart was beating fast in his chest at his father's confession.

"It is the most meaningful experience I have had," Severus finished, and he lifted a slightly shaking hand to wipe his eye. Harry's chest felt tight. He was... meaningful? He meant that much to somebody? He was the reason for his father to come back alive...

At that moment, watching his father trying to keep his hand from shaking, Harry realized that it had been a trauma for his father to almost not come back, and that he was trying to deal with it in the midst of trying to deal with Harry and his problems.

"You don't have anything to apologize for," Harry said, rising and sitting next to him, taking his shaking hand.

Severus looked at his son and drank in his green eyes. "You're more like your mother all the time. Giving forgiveness where it isn't deserved."

"Not always," Harry said, letting go of his father's hand and sitting back against the couch next to him. "I'm not that good of a person."

"Then perhaps you are more like me."

Harry looked at him and gave a little smile. "I think I can live with that." His father was strong. He was solid and sure of himself. He always seemed to know what to do, and not much seemed to get to him. Except his near death experience, but who wouldn't be upset by almost dying? No, his dad was what he wanted to be as a man. Strong, not weak.

"Do you think-"

"What?"

"Someday I could be as good a man as you?"

"You've got it wrong." Harry looked at him, and then Severus put his arm around him and pulled him into a sidearmed hug. "Someday I hope to be like you."

"You don't want that," Harry said. "I'm too messed up. My thoughts circle around in my head, and I don't feel sane half the time. I'm weak and childish."

"You have been through a lot and are trying to figure things out. Give yourself some credit."

"I'm tired of messing things up. It's like that's all I can do. I'll make a mess of this too, just watch. I would have already but you're too patient."

Severus laughed then, surprising Harry and Harry raised a brow at him. "Lily was always telling me how impatient I was."

"Well-" Harry hedged, and Severus took his arm back and raised an eyebrow as Harry smiled.

"I realize that I sent a note to you asking you to come down to the dungeons, but I did not think you would come. I had expected to still be trying to track you down in a week. Was there something you had come to talk to me about?"

"Sirius wrote back to me."

"What did he say?"

"To talk to you. I guess he thinks I'm messed up too."

"What did you write to him to prompt said response?"

Harry shrugged. "I was mad at you. I told him you wouldn't leave me alone about talking about things I didn't want to talk about. I said I was fine, he was fine, everybody was fine."

"I see."

"I don't think he's fine."

"How do you know this?"

"Because I'm not," Harry finally admitted. "I'm not ok."

"Come here." Harry leaned into him and he put his arm around his son's shoulders again. "You will be. I promise you, you will be. Are the cravings back?"

"No."

"See, progress already."

* * *

Harry wanted to send Sirius the same message he'd been sent, 'Maybe you should talk to someone,' but didn't know who Sirius would talk to. He thought Remus was his only real friend, and Remus was here at Hogwarts teaching Defense now that Severus was well enough to teach again. The Weasleys were still at Grimmuald Place but Harry could hardly imagine Sirius talking to Molly, who would probably curse him if she ever found out what he'd done to Harry and Draco. Who did that leave then? Dumbledore or another Order member, and Harry didn't think Sirius would talk to any of them. So Harry didn't write back to him at all. He didn't write for weeks, and he didn't get anything from Sirius in that time either. Harry thought that Sirius must be feeling isolated, and the more he thought that, the more he started to feel like that. He told his father, who said he should concentrate on doing things like Quidditch and dueling and getting into trouble like his friends (he really did say that). Ron and Draco had been caught out after hours dueling (in a friendly manner) out on the grounds last week, and Severus had been surprised Harry hadn't been in on it.

Harry tried to take his advice, and poured himself into his relationship with Ginny, Quidditch, and his studies. He spent a lot of time with Remus, who seemed to like his company, and it became known to the staff and his friends that if Harry went missing for hours on end he was either with Remus or Severus.

Spending time with Remus in his office or quarters was a lot different than spending time with his father. For one, people came to see Remus on a fairly regular basis. Students often came to him for help with homework, and staff seeked him out to have tea or just to have a friendly chat. When Harry was with his father, the only ones that ever came knocking were Draco, or occasionally Ron or Hermione or Ginny when they were looking for him.

The other difference was the activities they engaged in. With his father Harry spent a lot of time playing chess or working on Potions. With Remus Harry worked on his homework or was allowed to help plan lessons for younger years. The latter task Harry found engrossing and he thought that someday, he might quite like to become a Defense teacher.

Recently Ginny had taken to going with Harry to see Remus too, but hadn't asked to go down to the Dungeons with him to see the Potion's Master. Severus asked Harry about this one Friday evening, and Harry didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure why Ginny never asked to go with him to the Dungeons.

"I don't know," Harry said. "She hasn't said anything about not wanting to. I never invite her to go to see Remus, she just comes along sometimes."

"Hm."

"Do you still hate him?" Harry asked suddenly of Remus.

"I do not hate him."

"I thought you did."

* * *

There was a knock on the office door, and Remus smiled. Back again? Hadn't Harry and Ginny just left an hour ago? "Come in Harry." The door opened, but it wasn't Harry who came in.

"Oh, Severus, this is a surprise."

"If you have a moment, I wish to have words with you."

He was so serious that Remus thought he might be coming to tell him off for spending so much time with Harry. He motioned at the office door though, deciding to take his chances, and Severus came in all the way and closed it.

"I trust you're fully healed from your ordeal?"

"That does not stop Poppy from owling me every few days with orders to take things slowly."

Remus smiled. The woman was overprotective of her patients. She'd always fussed over him when he'd come back from the Shrieking Shack covered in scratches.

"May I ask what this is about?" Severus wasn't one to exchange pleasantries or engage in small talk, and the fact that he was doing so now was starting to make Remus feel anxious.

"I have a request of you."

"Oh?"

He looked like he was fighting himself to stay put and complete an imminent task. He put his hands behind his back and stood up straight, obviously steeling himself for what he was about to do.

"You are aware that Lily and James appointed Black as Harry's Godfather."

"Yes..."

"Typically parents set two Godparents for a child. They did not. As I was not present nor aware of my role in Harry's life, I would like to appoint him a second Godparent. One he has expressed interest in having."

"Severus, I-"

He held up a hand. "Let me finish, before I change my mind."

"He reminded me recently that you are one of the few adults in his life that has always had his best interests at heart. Would you- Remus," he had to hold back from snarling the man's first name, as he typically referred to him as 'wolf', "considder being Harry's other Godfather."

"I would be honored."

Severus seemed relieved for some reason that confused Remus seeing as how he looked like he was about to either explode or flee.

"Considering the dangerous circumstances of the times we are in, and my previous brush with an early demise, I have formally written into my will that you should take custody of Harry if something were to happen to me before he comes of age. That should prevent Albus or the Wizengamot from interfering. Harry is not to go back to his aunt and uncle or to Black."

Remus nodded, and Severus turned on his heel to go.

"Severus," Remus said, holding out a hand to forestall his departure.

He stopped and turned slightly to indicate that he was listening, hands still behind his back.

"I will always do what's best for Harry, and right now that includes apologizing to you for what happened in our third year. What James and Sirius did was wrong, and I am truly sorry for my part in what happened."

Severus gave a single nod, and then opened the door, and was gone.

What an odd encounter, Remus thought, but as he sat back at his desk to grade student essays, he smiled.