Life at the Durselys had always been bad, but the summer before 5th year Harry found out it could get much, much, worse. Besides the fact that he awoke every night from nightmares from the third task, his Uncle seemed to have lost all of his patience. Harry couldn’t remember a day this past summer of his Uncle not raising a hand to him. But he took it in stride; it was nothing less for what he deserved. After all it was his fault that his classmate Cedric was dead, he just had to share the glory so to speak.

The guilt of that night was always fresh in his mind the next morning, and it made him physically slow because of the lack of rest he was getting. That being said Dudley was always around to give him a push, a shove or kick of some sort. He didn’t bother to fight back; he was so tired of this. Besides he knew that if he hurt his cousin his Uncle would be ruthless. Even if he knew he deserved to be beaten, it still hurt.

As he looked out the window on the moving train his thoughts drifted back to something he had found while he was cleaning the house the other day. He always knew that his Uncle had a gun in the house; after all he had tried to shoot Hagrid when the half-giant came to pick him up in first year. What Harry didn’t know was that Vernon had a collection of guns that were hidden in the closet. It was just his luck that he had found them, and though he knew it was wrong to steal Harry took one. It was a small silver handgun with 4 holes in the front where the bullets came out. On a whim he grabbed a box of bullets before he ran back to his room and shoved it under the floorboard. To be honest he couldn’t figure out why he took the gun, but something in him needed it.

If anything he felt safer with it, after all what wizard was expecting him to use a muggle weapon against them. If anything they would scoff and mock him for having it, until they got hit with it. He knew that guns were dangerous, but since he had a madman after him and since his wand tended to cancel its self out, he needed another form of protection. Ignoring the feeling in the back of his mind, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Not sure how long he slept he was suddenly awaken when he heard a drawl coming from the compartment door. Harry sighed softly; for once couldn’t Malfoy just leave him alone? He really didn’t want to deal with the Slytherin snake at that moment. He was feeling very breakable for the moment, and he didn’t want to do something he would regret. Blanking his face he turned to look at the blonde in the door.

“What do you want Malfoy?” Harry said tiredly.

“We just came to see if they let you come back to school this year.”Draco said with a sneer.

“And why wouldn’t they?” Harry asked in confusion. The blonde’s answer really did throw him for a loop. What the heck was he talking about?

“Since you killed Diggory; but I shouldn’t have been surprised after all you are the Gryffindor golden boy can’t do anything wrong now can you?” Draco shook his head before slamming the compartment door close. As he walked back to his own seat, he was unaware of what his words had actually done.

Harry sat there in shock, willing the tears not to fall. He was so grateful that Ron and Hermione were prefects and weren’t sitting with him at the moment. He was unable to keep his composure and the tears came as he knew they would. He turned his head to the window again, wishing he was with Sirius. It wasn’t worth it to come to school, especially when he knew deep down that this was only the beginning. He really didn’t want to deal with the stares that he knew was coming. Harry sighed softly, as he tried to stop his tears. Any of his friends could walk in anytime and he had no desire to explain anything to them.

As Harry calmed down, he smiled beneath his tears. Wonder if Malfoy would treat him like that if he knew that Harry had a way to end his life in a way that wasn’t Avada Kedavra. He shook his head, already imagining the blonde pissing his pants when he found out just what a gun could do. Harry shook his head feeling sick all of a sudden, he shouldn’t be thinking about that. He didn’t wanna shoot Malfoy did he? The git was just a bully right? Harry sighed, maybe he really was going crazy, and he had to keep those thoughts to himself. He could already imagine Hermione if she somehow found out about what he had brought to school. He didn’t bother to wonder if Hogwarts had a spell that prevents muggle weapons. He knew there was none; wizards always seemed to be so sure of themselves. He wondered how they would feel to know that the muggles outnumbered them at least 150-1.

Dressing in robes, he waited until the train had pulled into the station. He forced himself to put on a smile as he friends came towards him. Harry hugged Hermione, being careful of his injuries not wanting to raise any suspicion. As they headed for the carriages, he stopped suddenly and stared at them in horror. What the hell was pulling it along?

“What the hell are those?” He asked looking at Ron, who was staring at Harry in disbelief.

“What’s what Harry? I don’t see anything,” Ron replied looking back from the horseless carriage to his mate.

“You don’t see what’s pulling the carriages?” Harry asked in shock.

“There’s nothing Harry, the carriages have always been horseless remember?” Hermione said matter-factly.

Harry didn’t say anything, wanting to touch the animals to make sure that they were real. But their appearances really put that off; why couldn’t anyone else see them?

“I can see them, so don’t worry you’re not going mental,” an airy voice behind him said.

He turned around to see this girl with white blonde hair, who he was introduced as Luna Lovegood. Harry smiled at her before climbing into the carriage. He wanted to ask her more on why they were seeing it, but he could see how Hermione was looking at Luna so he didn’t dare. Harry didn’t say much the entire ride, still caught up in his thoughts. As the carriage stopped he got out and started heading towards the great hall with his friends. Keeping his head straight ahead, he ignored the looks he was getting as he gingerly sat down at the Gryffindor table and waited for the sorting to finish. As each house gained new members he looked at the first years, remembering a time when he still had that innocence they had and he missed it.

Harry shook his head before starting in on his food, not the least bit hungry but not wanting Hermione on his back. He ate slowly, knowing how his stomach tended to be when he came back from summer break and he didn’t want to upset it and have to go to the infirmary. He couldn’t bear the thought of anyone finding out about his scars, especially Snape he would say that Harry had done it for attention. He shook his head; why in the hell would you want to get beat for attention. He shrugged before his stomach started to protest the rich food and played with it trying to pass the time.

Soon enough everyone was heading for the dorm, once again Hermione and Ron leaving him for their prefect duties. He walked in the back, not wanting to converse with anyone just wanting to be alone. He was actually coming to like the loneliest, he didn’t have to worry about pretending, and he could just be. That changed the minute he stepped passed the fat lady and the rest of the tower quieted as he stepped inside.

“What’s going on?” Harry asked, wondering why everyone was now staring at him.

“Thanks to you my mam almost didn’t let me come back to Hogwarts, that’s what’s going on.” Seamus said angrily.

“Why would that be my fault?” Harry asked in confusion.

“Because you were spouting off that that you-know-who is back.” Seamus continued.

“That’s because he is back, I wasn’t lying. I saw Voldemort come back, and I saw him kill Cedric.” Harry replied ignoring the gasps when he said the name.

“Yea, if it’s true then how come you have no proof? Who’s to say that you didn’t kill Cedric yourself, just so you could win the cup?” Seamus replied, crossing his arms as he waited for an answer.

“That’s the stupidest thing I have ever heard, I would never kill anyone. Cedric was my friend, how dare you accuse me of that.” Harry said his green eyes hardening. He had been expecting this from the snakes, but never from his own house.

“Well it says so right here in the prophet, why would they lie?” Seamus said holding up the paper.

“This is rubbish, and you’re all stupid for believing this. I’m going to bed,” Harry said angrily turning around and walking up to his dorm.  He refused to let them see how much that hurt him. He frowned as he walked over towards his bed, pulling his pajamas out and closing the curtains around him.

What gave the right to accuse him of such nonsense? He could never kill anyone? How could they just turn on him like that? He lived with them for 4 years already, weren’t they supposed to be his friends? Harry got dressed for bed and stuck his wand under his pillow. He sniffled softly, feeling the realization that he really didn’t have anyone at the moment. What was he going to do? He sobbed quietly, hoping that tomorrow would turn out better. As he dozed off another piece of his fragile heart broke off, ignorant of that fact that Harry was starting to teeter on the edge of sanity and insane.