It was an almost red hot burn now, but he didn't stop. He had to keep running, the burning in his throat be damned. The castle was simply huge. How could anyone be claustrophobic in it? But he was. He could barely feel the wind ruffling his hair, nor the cold sting as it hit his face, wet with tears. He could hardly see, with only the moon's dim light guiding his way, his vision blurred by the wetness of his eyes. But that didn't matter. He wasn't going anywhere anyway. He was only getting away.

Eventually his body could take it no more and he crashed to his knees on the hard mud of the ground. His vision was still blurred by tears as he drew in ragged breaths, trying to contain his sobbing. He tore his glasses from his face and tried to dry it with the palm of his hand. It didn't work, and he turned his face to his shoulder to rub it against the short sleeve of his no longer white school shirt. He hadn't even thought to grab his jumper or his robe in his hurry to flee the castle. He stayed on his knees a little longer, crying. No one could see him, therefore he could cry. He didn't care what anyone else said, he couldn't break down in front of them. This was all going to come down to him, and he needed to be strong. He'd caused enough damage as it was in the last few weeks, and he didn't deserve any of the sympathy or comfort which would surely be offered if anyone in the castle were to see him crying. This was all his fault.

Soon the night air was quiet again, as his sobbing stopped and he focussed on small even breaths. He could hear the whistle of the wind in the tree tops above him, and if it hadn't been so dark, it would have been a pleasant sound. He was somewhere in the middle of the Forbidden Forest. It had seemed like the best place to hide when he had left the castle in the middle of a melt down in the middle of the night, and he'd ran straight for it. This Forest held many memories for him.

He forced himself to his feet, and set off, more stumbing than walking, in the direction which he hoped would bring him to the shores of the Black Lake. Memories assaulted him from all sides. He had served detention in this forest. He had met Aragog in this forest. He and Hermione had hidden with Buckbeak in this forest, and had ran from Professor Lupin in werewolf form in this forest. He'd rode on a centaur in this forest, and abandoned Umbridge to their mercies in this forest. He'd met Grawp in this forest, and he'd seen unicorn blood spilt in this forest. He'd seen how desperate a person could become to gain immortality in this forest, and what blind obedience can do to a person. Yes, there were a lot of memories here for him.

He stumbled out onto the pebbled shore of the lake, the forest with all it's memories stretching off behind him, and the night was almost still. He could make out a few lights in the castle in the distance, but he had no desire to go back there yet. A gentle breeze ruffled through the air, and the moonlight reflected off the gentle waves on the lake; and all was quiet. The moonlight was illuminating the tops of the trees of the forest and it's pale face was reflected in the waters of the lake which it also lit, unfocussing now and then as the water of the lake rippled. Calmer now, Harry sat down on the stony shore, picking up a pebble, and idly turning it in his hand.

The wind ruffled his hair away from his face, and he took some deep, evening breaths. Now that the air was quiet of his haggard breathing, it was very serene. It was almost the deepest part of the night, but the moon and the stars were offering plenty of light tonight. He lay back on the pebbled shore and stretched his legs out, tired from the running he'd done, and his emotional meltdown. He gazed at the moonlit sky, wondering for once at how pretty it was. How could there be anything pretty left in the world, when everything was starting to come crashing down around him?

He lay there for a long time, gazing up at the moonlit sky, with only the sounds of the wind whispering through the branches of the trees in the forest, and the gentle splashing of the waters of the lake as they met the pebbled shore keeping him company. He was completely alone. And that was a fact that he would have to get used to. Everything was changing. And everything would come down to him. These were facts he had to accept. In the end it was all going to be about him. That was the hard fact. He'd had to accept many hard facts recently. You'd think he'd have got used it by now, Harry thought bitterly, with a scoff which was instantly swallowed by the silence of the still summer's night. It still hit him though, like a ton of bricks, the fact that Sirius was dead. And that it was all his fault. A couple of tears pooled in his eyes again, and he let them trickle down the sides on his face and onto the pebbled shore unchecked. He wasn't about to have another crying fit though, and his tears dried soon enough, although his vision was still blurry from those he didn't let escape. He could only just make out the moon, with a few wisps of cloud gliding across it, and he bit down on his lip.

He tried to drink in the silence, and to feel the calmness of the night. He hadn't felt calm or at peace or anything remotely close to those emotions since Bellatrix Lestrange had cast that curse in the Department of Mysteries. Would he ever feel those emotions again? Was it even possible? He doubted it. The loss of one of the only father figures he had had hit him hard. Yet he just had to get on with it, he couldn't wallow in grief. How was that fair when he'd brought this whole horrible situation down on himself? And on his friends too. He couldn't let them see how scared and upset and panicky he was feeling, not when he had almost got them killed. The world was changing around them fast, and Harry knew that he was soon going to be at the centre of a storm which had to be weathered. And he'd stand alone. He wasn't going to risk anyone else.

He lay on the pebbled shore for a long time, staring at the moon and stars and listening to the lapping of the water. He was at the centre of this battle, not by choice but because fate had chosen him. Wherever he was and whatever he did other people were going to feel the effects of his choices, everything was rippling out from him. Many had already felt those effects, and Sirius had paid with his life for him. But no more, Harry vowed. From now on, he stood alone, and any ripples he made would have minimal effect on anyone else. And for now, he would lie alone for a little longer, not quite ready to go back to the castle and face everybody. Especially when he was going to have to start pushing people away. Maybe he should just leave tonight and go and get the job done. He had no idea how to kill Voldemort but it was his job to do. There was plenty of moonlight, and he had his wand, what more did he need? He didn't make any move to move though, instead he just lay there, an insignificant dot lying next to the lake with the Forbidden Forest huge at his back. In the large scale of the world he was nothing, but his actions in the next days, month and years were going to be so important for so many people. He didn't want to be a hero. And how many people wanted a hero who ran from his school in the middle of the night to lie on the shore of a lake to cry for the godfather whose death he was responsible for and who subsequently made a vow to stand alone?

It took Harry a long time to realise that he wasn't alone on the beach anymore. For one heart stopping moment when he saw the black hair he had thought it was his godfather sitting there next to him. But instead it was the man that his godfather had admitted would have been his mother's choice for his godfather. Harry slowly pushed himself up on his arms, before sitting up fully. He took a couple of deep breaths, not quite willing to look at his teacher. He could almost hear the man's thoughts, probably running along the lines of what a foolish, stupid boy he was to run out of the castle in the middle of the night without telling anyone where he was going, just to watch the moonlight and the starlight next to the shore of the Black Lake.

Harry pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around himself, and still his Professor said nothing. Harry was back from his ideas of stars and the ripples of the water and was now firmly grounded as his Potions Professor sat next to him on the shore of the lake. Suddenly his idea of running off alone, especially tonight, seemed ridiculous. He wouldn't last two minutes, he knew that, and with his more than fragile emotional state right now he would be playing right in to Voldemort's hands. But he still knew that his decisions were going to affect everyone, including the man who was currently sitting next to him in the middle of the night. And he didn't want any of his decisions to hurt this man, who had done so much to protect him, and had even agreed to a truce with Sirius for Harry's sake.

Maybe he wasn't as close to Professor Snape as he was to Sirius, but that was all history now. Sirius was gone. And he wasn't coming back. And although Harry's world had changed, the world itself hadn't. There was still the lake and the forest. There was still the moonlight and starlight and the whisper of the wind in the trees. And there were still rocks. And Harry still had some rocks, and Professor Snape was probably the biggest one.

Yes, everything was still rippling outward from him, just as he was watching the moonlight rippling on the surface of the lake. But other people's lives were rippling over him as well. And all their lives were as pretty and as wonderful as the moonlight on the deep blue of the lake.

And so Harry sat by the lake for most of the night, grieving for the loss of his godfather, but coming to the realisation that that didn't mean he was alone in the world. A lot did rest on him, but he had people willing to sit with him on a pebbled shore for most of the night, and he had to allow the ripples of their lives connect and interact with his own. There was probably only Professor Snape in this world who could teach him a lesson like that by just sitting next to him, but they seemed to be in a completely different world from everyone else as they sat in the moonlight on the shores of the lake, and it was a moment and a lesson Harry was determined he would not forget.