Chapter 11: Fears & Failures

Stalking down the corridors didn’t seem as effective without the students present, but Severus didn’t relent in his agitated pace.

Me? Guardian of Harry Bloody Potter?! Damn old man and his ‘greater good’ schemes!

Aggravated by his newest responsibility, as if being a spy wasn’t enough, Severus nearly slammed open the infirmary doors. He stalked across the quiet room, meeting the glare of the resident mediwitch.

“I’ll not have you disturbing my patient, Severus Snape, just because you’re in a foul disposition,” Madame Pomfrey hissed, looking over to make sure Harry was still sound asleep. He was.

Severus followed her gaze to his new ward, his black eyes studying Harry for any sign of change. “Any improvement?” he asked, ignoring the chastisement from the older woman.

Madame Pomfrey instantly snapped back into clinical mode. “I just rescanned him before you arrived. His core is improving, although slowly. It’ll be a few weeks before his magic is completely restored.”

Severus’ only response was a nod in acknowledgment of the diagnosis. It truly had been a close call for the boy. Had any more magic been exerted, his core would have been permanently damaged.

“Please notify me when he awakes. It seems that the headmaster has transferred his responsibility for Potter’s welfare to my own shoulders.”

Severus ignored the shocked look on Pomfrey’s face as he turned and strode out of the infirmary, intent on reaching his quarters, as he felt the need for a glass or two of firewhiskey.

Severus’ personal chambers were well hidden, deep in the dungeons where students rarely ventured. The isolated location offered Severus the privacy that he coveted; privacy that would never exist again after this night. His feet seemed to be on autopilot as his thoughts took all of his attention. He was sure James Potter was rolling in his grave at that very moment. The idea almost made the surly man smirk for a moment, but it was chased away by the reality of the situation. What do I know about raising and caring for the troublemaker? Before he knew it, he had already reached his chambers. Growling out the password, “Lilium,” to the portrait of Salazar Slytherin, Severus stalked into his sitting room and headed immediately for the small liquor cabinet. Downing a glass of firewhiskey in one go, Snape couldn’t help by grimace at the burn trailing down to his stomach. It was almost like using rubbing alcohol on the wound, a needed hurt that soothed in the end. Pouring his second, he capped the bottle and settled in his favorite black, leather armchair and watched the flames in the fireplace.

Who was he to be a father to the child? It wasn’t as if he had any decent role model to take after! His own father had been a lazy, drunk abuser. Severus couldn’t even deny that he shared the same temperament as that god-forsaken man. No, this was certainly the worst idea that Albus Dumbledore had ever come up with. Severus would rather grovel at the Dark Lord’s feet than raise Potter as his ward.

With a deep sigh, the Potions Master, hung his head. He really didn’t have a choice. Not only did he owe Albus his life, but he had also sworn to protect Lily’s son with his life. And so, though it was true he felt no affection for the child and would likely never be his ‘daddy’, he had debts to pay and a conscience to appease. 

~~~

“Boy, get down here,” a tall man with brown, stringy hair bellowed. His clothes were rumpled and dirty, and the man seemed to be barely able to stand. Scurrying footsteps sounded from upstairs and a small boy appeared at the top of the staircase, quietly studying the man. “I said get down here, you worthless piece of trash.” Wide-eyed and trembling, the boy hurried down to his father, ducking the fist as it clumsily swung at him. “What did I say about taking what’s not yours?”

Young Severus’ face paled as he realized that he’d been caught. Out of desperation, he had snuck money from his father’s wallet to buy groceries for the house. They had been out of food, but his father had refused to give them the needed cash for the supplies. Every dollar the man made was wasted on alcohol and gambling. Not even bothering to defend himself, he ducked the next swing. His father looked about to pass out from his latest binge, but the real punishment would begin once the man sobered up. Severus watched the man he called father sink onto the couch and made his way back to his room, knowing that hiding from the man would just delay the inevitable.

~~~

The glass of whiskey exploded as it hit the flames. Excessive drinking had been the downfall of Tobias Jonathan Snape, but it wouldn’t be for him. Severus knew that he had inherited the man’s sharp tongue, but he refused to become the reincarnation of that devil.

Hours later…

This must be what it’s like to sleep on a cloud, Harry thought to himself as he stretched in the bed. He had burrowed himself into the large fluffy pillows and soft blanket, enjoying his dream of flying through the sky. It was heaven! And he did not want to wake up; however, voices talking around him stirred the young child and his green eyes slowly opened, squinting in the bright light.

“Welcome back to the land of the living, Harry,” the headmaster chuckled. Harry stared at him and realized he was back where the nurse witch worked.

“Sir?” the boy questioned, confusion evident on his face. The headmaster looked tired to Harry and he could sense that something bad at happened. They’re going to send me home now.

“You gave us quite a fright, little one. Do you remember going into the forest with Hagrid?”

Harry’s face scrunched up as he thought hard. The forest…. Yes! Hagrid had taken him and the puppy to go check on a hurt animal. Then Harry remembered the voice. He had wandered off to find the child that had been calling him to come and play. Oh no! Harry’s shoulders sagged. He had wandered off when Hagrid told him to stay on the rock. He was in trouble now for sure.

“Harry, it wasn’t your fault.” Green eyes snapped up to meet blue. “It wasn’t a child calling you. It was a creature called an erkling. They pretend to sound like children to pull little ones like you away.”

Harry remained silent as he listened to this. There had been something else, a white light and a big boom. “I hurt the trees,” Harry whispered, his face going pale at the memory. He’d done freaky stuff again.

Tears filled the blue eyes, which confused Harry even more. “Harry, your magic saved you. You’re not in trouble, little one. What you did was a good thing because, if you had not, you would have gotten seriously hurt or worse.”

Harry didn’t know what to believe but he simply reached out and patted Mr. Dumbledore’s hand. He didn’t mean to make the elder man cry. The larger, wrinkled hand grasped his small one and the headmaster chuckled.

“Forgive me, my child. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

At that moment, the doors to the infirmary slammed open and the professor in black robes stormed in. Harry cringed back as the man stared at him.

“Finally awake then,” the man growled.

“Now, Severus.” The two men studied each other for a moment in silence as Harry hung his head. He remembered the professor finding him in the forest.

The dark eyed man came closer to Harry and grasped the back of his head. Harry attempted to duck from the touch but the larger hands held him still. Harry’s stomach was in knots as the man felt his forehead, traveling down the sides of his throat, and down his back and then chest.

“His temperature is back to normal. Poppy said it would be a few days before his core finished regenerating itself.”

“Yes, I did say so, Severus.” The mediwitch huffed, walking into the infirmary in time to see the potions master double-checking her prognosis.

The adult’s conversation meant nothing to Harry. All he could figure out was that he was sick somehow and it might be because of his freaky stuff.

“I’m sowry, sir,” Harry nearly whispered, his head hanging low. He could feel the professor’s glare on him and he didn’t dare look up.

“As you should be, Potter. However, your babysitter,” the man spat, “is the one truly responsible for your indiscretion. One can only expect a child, no matter a Potter, to find trouble. Hagrid should have known better.”

The professor’s response was over Harry’s head for sure, but the fact that the man was talking to him, and not shouting like Uncle Vernon usually did, seemed to ease the knots in his stomach.

“Harry, I have some news,” The headmaster started, running his hands over the boy’s dark mop of hair. Harry unconsciously leaned into the touch, remembering how Aunt Petunia would do the same to Dudley whenever he was sick. It felt nice!

“I know that we’ve had fun the last few days together,” the man continued, “but Severus here has offered you a home with him here in the castle.”

Harry sat up startled at what he was being told. He doesn’t want me anymore.

“It’ll be best for you, Harry. I’m an old man and Severus here has much more energy than I do to look after you better. Besides, I’m going to be gone from the castle quite a bit so I wouldn’t be able to look after you properly.”

Harry’s eyes were downcast. He knew eventually they’d be sending him home to his aunt and uncle so he shouldn’t be so surprised at another change. “Okay.”

“Don’t worry, Harry. Whenever I’m here, we’ll spend time together playing Snap Dragon. I promise.”

A smile lit Harry’s face. Maybe it’d be okay with the professor for a while. And the headmaster said they’d still play together.

“Now that that’s covered, let me do one final check and you can all be off,” Poppy announced, breaking the awkward silence that had settled in. Harry felt a tingle run through his body as the witch waved her wand over him. The sensation was still unnerving to the little boy, but this time he managed to stop himself from flinching.

“Severus, make sure he rests for the rest of the week. He’ll also need to keep taking the nutrition potion you’ve been brewing for him for at least the next couple months or so. The boy still needs to add at least a half stone to be considered a healthy weight.”

“I will see to it, Poppy.”

The mediwitch helped Harry hop down from the bed and he started after the professor who was already at the doors waiting for him. With a huff of annoyance at the boy’s slow pace, he swung Harry into his arms and took off down the hall towards the dungeons.

Harry buried his face into the robes, recognizing the smell of the man from the forest. I’m glad he doesn’t smell like Uncle Vernon.