Chapter 8: Why

Albus sipped his tea silently, enjoying the sweet taste as he watched his young charge nibbling at the cake in front of him. He’d never seen a child eat a sweet so slowly.

“Are you enjoying your tea, Harry?”

Green eyes met blue as the shy child nodded. Albus could almost feel nervousness rolling off the boy in waves.

“Come now, Harry. Surely you’re not still scared of an old man like me?” Albus joked lightly, trying to ease the boy’s tension. He could almost see the boy gather courage as his stance in the chair changed. He sat slightly taller, no longer slumped over.

“No, sir.”

Albus collected the empty teacup and plate and set them aside, cautious not to banish them, as he normally would have. He didn’t want to give Harry another panic attack.

“I’m sure you have many questions about everything that has happened over the past few days.” A small nod from the boy confirmed his statement.

“Please feel free to ask anything on your mind, child. You will not be punished here for asking questions.”

The internal battle played openly on the boy’s face as he debated with himself if he was truly safe to ask questions.

After a long bout of silence, Harry finally asked his question. “Can I go home now?”

Albus could only sigh at the innocent question. He had hoped that Harry had understood the situation when it had been explained to him on his first night at the castle. Granted, it was a lot for a 3 year old to truly understand.

“Harry, Hogwarts is your new home. I, as well as all of the professors here, want to be your new family.”

“But I have a family, sir,” he whispered, confusion thick in his soft voice. Albus felt his heart wretch as the boy tried to understand what everything really meant.

“I’m sorry, my boy, but you can’t go back to your aunt and uncle. You most likely won’t understand all of the reason why until you’re older, but I need you to trust me. You deserve to be happy, Harry. Every little boy does. Do you understand?”

~~~

Harry studied the gold swirls in the patterned carpet. The headmaster’s words echoed in his ears. Not going back? New family? He felt defeated. What had he done wrong? Why hadn’t he been good enough? Harry wasn’t dumb. He knew that his aunt and uncle loved Dudley more than him. How he yearned for his aunt to look at him with love in her eyes like she looked at her son. He had tried so hard to prove himself and to behave like a good boy. But despite everything he had tried, he had failed.

“I’m never gonna be a good boy,” Harry whispered to himself. He didn’t notice horrified shock cross the old man’s face. Harry didn’t even notice as the man went around the desk to come closer.

~~~

“Oh, Harry, you are a good boy. You’re a very good boy. In fact, I’ve never met a boy as good as you are,” Albus consoled, lifting Harry’s chin gently until he had the boy’s attention.

“Then why do they hate me?” The headmaster felt his heart rip in two at those tearful words. For once Albus Dumbledore seemed at a loss of words. How do you explain to a child that the reason why his family gave him away was because they were the most abominable, offensive, fiendish, monsters of human beings that ever existed?

“No matter their feelings, Harry, you deserve to be loved.”

~~~

A trill from Fawkes broke the sullen mood, filling it instead with a burst of joy. Harry stared at the red and gold bird in fascination.

“Fawkes is my oldest friend. And, if you can even believe it, he’s even older then I am,” Albus said, his eyes twinkling at the astonished boy.

Harry allowed himself to be led closer to the phoenix. Climbing up onto the chair at the headmaster’s insistence, he peered closely at the large bird.

“You’re pretty, Fawkes,” Harry said softly, not wanting to frighten him.

“Go ahead a pet him, Harry. Just be gentle,” Albus urged.

Harry reached out his hand but hesitated just out of reach. What if he hurt the bird? Before he could decide, Fawkes pushed his head into Harry’s hand, showing the boy that he trusted him.

Harry’s eye lit up in glee as his hand slid down the bird’s neck and onto his back. He’d never felt something so soft! A soft trill from the phoenix made Harry giggle. ‘Maybe Fawkes will be my first friend?’ Harry thought to himself.

~~~

Albus let Harry pet his familiar for a few more minutes. His heart had leapt for joy at the sound of Harry’s laughter. All was not lost. They would be able to push past the last 2 years and give Harry the childhood he deserved.

“Come, Harry,” Albus said, picking up the boy and setting him back on the floor. “I remember a game from my childhood that I enjoyed very much. Would you let an old man teach it to you?”

The hopeful look in the green eyes made Albus’ smile grow even larger. Yes, all was not lost.

Albus led Harry through the door behind his desk that opened into the sitting room of his personal chambers. The room was decorated in shades of blues and purples. There was a blue striped, upholstered couch in front of the fireplace, and a purple polka-dotted sitting chair angled at its side. A fire was lit in the stone fireplace, but kept low due to the summer months. It was just enough to keep out the slight draft that one would find in any castle, no matter what the time of the year.

Albus crossed the room and started rummaging in an old tin box that was set in the bookshelf in the corner.

“Aha! Here they are!” he exclaimed, holding up a battered box of playing cards.

“These, Harry, kept me amused for hours in my youth. Snap Dragon was the most exciting card game in my day. I do believe that children today prefer Exploding Snap but hopefully you’ll enjoy this.”

~~~

Harry could help but be amused at the headmaster’s excitement for the game. He’d never really played a game before. Well, except for the ones he made up in his head while lying in the cupboard. Dudley had always been allowed to play games. Now it was finally his turn.

He sat down on the edge of the polka dotted chair as the headmaster set the cards down on the table in front of them.

“I don’t know how to play.” Harry said quietly, still uncertain about how much he could speak in front of the adult.

“No fear, Harry. It’s simple enough. It’s a matching game. Each card has a picture of a dragon. You start with fives cards and draw a new one each turn. When you have a match, you place them down on the table. Now, this is the fun part, Harry. When you set the match down, they disappear in a puff of smoke. The first to finish all of their cards wins.”

Harry’s breath hitched as soon as the headmaster described the cards disappearing. Magic! I can’t do magic! Thankfully, he was quickly drawn out of his thoughts as he felt the older man grab his hand.

“Calm down, Harry. Take a deep breath.”

Harry did as the man instructed and felt his heart slow down to a normal beat.

“If you don’t want them to disappear then they don’t have to. They don’t disappear forever, Harry. Once the game is over, they reappear back in the box. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

The soothing voice almost convinced Harry to agree to allow the cards to disappear. A part of him really wanted to see it, it’d be as if a real dragon had eaten the cards. However, fear of what would happen should his aunt and uncle ever found out overruled his curiosity.

“Please, sir. No smoke or disappearing.”

The blue eyes studied him for a minute before nodding.

“No harm, Harry. No smoke or disappearing, I promise.”

----

The rest of the evening had passed quietly with completing 4 rounds of Snap Dragon. It wasn’t until Harry nearly fell asleep in the pile of cards on the table that Albus realized just how late the evening had gotten.

“Come, my boy. It’s passed your bedtime and nearly mine as well.”

The headmaster scooped Harry up in his arms and headed for the spare room in his quarters. It was small but adequate and decorated in scarlet red and gold r12; Gryffindor colors, of course. Albus laid Harry down on the bed, noticing that the boy was already fast asleep. With a wave of his wand, the boy’s clothing was changed into pajamas with printed snitches on them. He spelled them to not move in order to prevent Harry from panicking when he awoke. We need to do something to help him get over his anxiety concerning magic, he thought to himself as he tucked Harry into the bed for the night.

It wasn’t long before the headmaster himself set off to sleep, despite his thoughts being filled with concern for the youngest resident of the castle.

----

Albus looked up from his pile of papers as Harry walked into his office. He had left the door to his chambers open so that the boy would easily be able to find him.

“Good morning, Harry. You’re up early!” Albus smiled at the small child who stood nervously in the doorway.

“Good morning, sir,” came the quiet reply.

“Why don’t you wash up while I summon us some breakfast from the kitchens, hmm?”

Harry quickly disappeared back into the chambers while the headmaster summoned a house elf from the kitchens.

“What can Daisy do for the headmaster, sir?” The house elf squeaked in joy. She was dressed in a white tea towel, embroidered with the Hogwarts’ crest.

“Good morning, Daisy. Please bring breakfast for Harry and myself. We’ll be dining in my office this morning.”

“Of course, sir,” Daisy squeaked and disappeared with a pop. It only took a few minutes for the platters to appear on the side table between two chairs. There were two plates containing a full English breakfast for them, as well as a pot of tea to share.

Just as Albus was pouring the tea, Harry walked back into the room, freshly washed and dressed in one of the new outfits that Professor McGonagall had purchased for him.

The two ate in silence as the headmaster finished perusing some of the mail he’d been reading before breakfast. Setting his fork down on the empty plate, he noticed that the boy hadn’t finished even half of his food yet.

“While you’re finishing your breakfast, Harry, there are a few things I’d like to talk to you about.” Albus paused to make sure he had the child’s attention before continuing.

“I just want to go over some of the rules of the castle since this is now your home. First of all, all of the professors here are charged with looking out for your best interest. That means you must listen to them when they tell you something and always talk to them respectfully.”

Harry remained silent but nodded that he understood.

“Second of all, you are allowed to play in the castle and on the grounds, Harry. However, I do ask that you tell myself and any other professor around where you’re going. You should never go outside by yourself, though. If you’d like to play outside, please let me know and either myself or someone else will go with you. There’s plenty to do here at Hogwarts and much to explore that I think even by the time you graduate as a student you won’t know everything in this castle. I daresay I’m still discovering rooms within these halls. Just the other day I found a room full of clocks of every kind. Each one was set to a different hour. However, when I went back to examine them more carefully, the room was gone.”

A small smile grew on Harry’s face as he listened to the strange story.

 Albus patted him on the head as he continued.

“Now you must never go into the forest, Harry. That is strictly forbidden as there are many different types of animals there and it’s also quite easy to get lost. We don’t want anything to happen to you, my boy.”

Albus could see that the boy was processing the rules, and though none of them were very strict or unreasonable for his age, Harry looked confused. Albus couldn’t help but wonder what was causing the boy difficulty.

“Sir?”

“Yes, Harry?”

“What are my chores?”

“Chores? Well, I suppose just keeping your room tidy.”

“No, sir. My chores. Aunty always said I needed to always do my chores so I’m not a bother to them. I have to help fold the laundry and put it away nicely. I also sweep the kitchen and help clear and wash the dishes.  I need to do these so I’m not a burden.”

Albus’ eyes narrowed at remembering how the Dursleys spoke concerning their nephew.

“Harry, you are no one’s burden and little boys like you don’t do those sort of chores. You run, play, and have fun.”

Harry’s face was puzzled as he listened to the headmaster but he remained quiet.

“Now that that’s settled, my boy, I have time for another game of Snap Dragon this morning before my meeting at the Ministry. Hagrid will be watching you this afternoon while I’m away from the castle.”

Harry smiled, excited for another chance to play the game that the headmaster had taught him last night. He hadn’t been allowed to play games ever and it was even better to not have to do chores. If only Dudley could see him now!

Better not get used to it, though, he told himself. Aunty won’t like it if I don’t do my chores when I go home.

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