When Am I Awake? by HPSSFan
Summary: The final battle is over, but how has this effected Harry and how he sees who is dead and who is alive? How does he know what is real and what is a dream?
Categories: Snape Equal Status to Harry > Comrades Snape and Harry, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape Main Characters: Arthur, Bellatrix, Dumbledore, Fred George, Ginny, Hermione, Lucius, Luna, McGonagall, Molly, Neville, Other, Ron, .Snape and Harry (required), Voldemort
Snape Flavour: None
Genres: Drama, Family, General, Mystery, Supernatural, Tragedy
Media Type: None
Tags: Alternate Universe
Takes Place: 8 - Post Hogwarts (young adult Harry), 8 - Pre Epilogue (adult Harry)
Warnings: Character Death, Profanity, Violence
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes Word count: 13363 Read: 17620 Published: 16 Jan 2013 Updated: 11 Apr 2013
The Trial by HPSSFan

I was woken up by the sounds of the guards unlocking my cell door. The sun had yet to rise.

"Let's go, Potter." A guard growled and lifted me out of the bed.

I was dragged down the halls and out of the prison. The cold morning air had just barely hit my skin when I felt bands tighten around my chest. I fought to breathe as darkness enveloped me. Then, just as suddenly as it began,  it ended. We were standing in the atrium of the Ministry of Magic. There were people who lined the sides of the atrium, so it must have been four or five in the morning. The guard behind me shoved, signaling for me to walk. I obeyed the order, my footsteps making the only noise in the atrium.

The weight of the crowd's stares were almost enough to make me want to collapse. I could feel every eye on me. I got about halfway toward the fountain when the shouting started.

"Murderer!" I could hear someone shout behind me.

"You got my boy killed, Potter!" Someone else shouted off to my left.

"I hope they give you the dementors kiss!" Someone yelled in front of me.

I passed The Prophet stand and read the sign

                                "THE TRIAL OF HARRY POTTER: THE BOY WHO KILLED"

I was forced into the lift as people continued to shout at me. We shot down toward the department of mysteries. A guard blindfolded me and directed me into some room that was unknown to me. I heard the door slam shut, the guard not speaking to me. I sat there for some time. I couldn't really tell you how long I had been sitting there for, but eventually someone walked into the room. He grabbed me forcefully by the arm, lifting me out of the chair.

"Where are we going?" I questioned, my voice giving the slightest quiver of fear.

"It's time for your trial." The man said, as I heard a door squeak shut.

I could feel someone take the blindfold off of me as the first person let go of my arm. When the blindfold was released, I still could not see a thing. It was unnaturally dark. I could feel something lifting me up. Light blinded me as I came out of the darkness. When my eyes adjusted, I looked around, There were bars encompassing my body, but I could easily see through them. I didn't recognize the courtroom that I was in, or did I?

In the back of my mind, I knew I had seen this courtroom before. The only question was where had I seen this courtroom? Of course, this was the courtroom that I saw in Dumbledore's memory during my fourth year. I was being tried in the courtrooms where the original death eater trials of the first wizarding war had taken place. I had been where I had seen Karkaroff that night.

"Sir, I implore you. Allow the boy to be released from this cage. He's obviously scared and he has no way of attacking anyone. He has no wand and his magical core is fairly depleted by stress. We both know that this is going to be a very long day. So please, release the boy." I heard Snape's voice echo through the courtroom.

"Very well then. GUARDS!" someone called.

The cage in front of me swung open. Snape was standing in front of me, holding his hand up.

"Come on, Harry." He whispered. I took his hand and he helped me to a chair. I looked behind him as I sat down to see that Kingsley was not sitting in the head seat. Actually, I didn't see him anywhere among the Wizengamot.

"Where is Kingsley?" I asked Snape.

"The public asked for him to be removed on the account that he knew you and fought alongside you. 'A conflict of interest', they said. They wanted to make sure that your trail wasn't biased."

"NOT BIASED!" I shouted in a whisper. "I'm fairly sure that everyone of them had lost someone in the battle or has hated me at some point." I argued.

"I know." Snape agreed. "That just means that we will have to work harder to convince them. It will just be a harder fight."

"Are there any people who support me anywhere in this courtroom?" I questioned as Snape knelt down in front of me.

"I am. Mr. Longbottom and Ms. Lovegood are here in your defense. The rest of the crowd are people who lost someone in the battle."

"Can we get on with it?" The head of Wizengamot shouted.

"You are the one who would not allow me to meet with him, so you will have to wait until I am done speaking with him." Snape growled before turning back to me.

I had recognized the voice of the man who had spoken to Snape. The last time I had heard that voice, though, he was wailing over his son's dead body.

"Is that Amos Diggory?" I inquired.

"It is. He may be of some help. Kingsley appointed him to lead the Wizengamot as a condition of him stepping back from this trial. Some people are furious at the appointment while more people think its a good decision. Many people don't know that he supported you after Voldemort returned. The people who don't know this fact think that he will take revenge on you for Cedric's death in the tournament. Amos is a man that we can reason with. Now, you will speak only when spoken to. I will lead you through the questioning. Remember, keep that fighting passion alive that we talked about the other day. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Professor." I responded.

"Good." Then Snape stood up and turned to face the Wizengamot. "We are ready to proceed. What are the charges?" Snape spoke boisterously.

"Harry Potter is charged with the deaths of the 346 people who were killed in the Battle at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. If found guilty, the penalty would be death by dementors kiss." Amos Diggory announced. "How does the accused plead?"

"Not guilty." Snape replied.

"Am I correct in suspecting that you are representing him?"

"Yes. I, Severus Snape, have built a defense for Harry Potter. Which means that I will be deciding what questions can and can't be answered."

I could slowly feel the power being taken away from the Wizengamot by Snape's controlling statement.

"Before you begin your questioning, I have a few opening remarks." He cleared his throat before beginning again. "The Battle at Hogwarts...The climax and ending of the war against Lord Voldemort which led to many deaths. That's why you're all here, isn't it?" Snape asked, turning toward the crowd. "You are here to see someone answer for all the deaths that were caused by the battle. Well, I applaud you because you now have your scapegoat. Harry Potter, the Gryffindor who defeated Voldemort twice. The boy who lost his parents and all of those he loved because of Lord Voldemort and his death eaters. The child who put his life on the line multiple time to help take down Voldemort. The one person who has faced off against Voldemort multiple times, in different versions of himself. Harry Potter has lived to tell the tale, with no marks left on him except for his famous lighting scar."

"Why are we making the hero of the story pay for all of those deaths? But why not stop there? Records show that only 315 people died in that battle, so how is it that he is taking blame for 346 people?" Snape reached down and pulled a piece of parchment out of his cloak. "Cedric Diggory, Amelia Bones, Charity Burbage, Bathilda Bagshot, Sirius Black, Albus Dumbledore, and the list keeps going on with the names of 25 others who have been added to the charges. So are we really making him pay for the battle, or the entire war? To me, it seems like we are making him pay for entire war? Why didn't this happen after the first war? You could have tried Albus Dumbledore for all the deaths and disappearances during the first Wizarding war."

There was a gasp that echoed throughout the courtroom followed by a still silence. The only sound that I could hear was the sound of a quill scratching away on paper and it was enough to make me turn around.  There was Rita Skeeter, scribbling on a pad of parchment with a quick notes quill taking notes in the air next to her head. So it looks like the witch had survived the battle. That would have been one person I would not have missed if they died. I turned back to Snape as he continued.

"See, it just as insane to try Albus Dumbledore as it is to try Harry Potter. It's the same number of people who died or went missing in the first war as in the second war. Why are we trying the boy who defeated Voldemort once and for all, when we did not try Albus Dumbledore almost 20 years prior? It's absurd and I will shot that this boy, who lost 12 loved ones in the battle, is innocent of these outlandish charges that you are trying him for."

With those opening statements, the trial began. For the next couple of hours, Snape and the Wizengamot questioned Neville and Luna. The Wizengamot kept trying to get Neville and Luna to throw blame on me. Neither of the did that though. They kept saying things like "Why should I blame the man who got rid of the darkest wizard in our history?" Or "The deaths would have happened anyways. Why should I blame him for something that would have happened no matter what?"

Snape questioned them about how I had acted during the battle.

"He fought brave. He showed a lot of courage because he had to go to Voldemort willingly and allow the man to attempt to murder him without raising his wand. How do you think he acted during the battle?"

He also questioned them about how I acted during the funerals.

 "He does truly feel for those who have lost loved ones. He himself lost two of his best friends and a family that he felt loved by, even if they weren't his biological family. He knows how it feels to lose someone and he was empathic towards people who survived."

After Luna was questioned, we broke for lunch. Normally, I would be eating by myself but Snape demanded that he be allowed to eat with him. When we got our food, I nearly inhaled my food because I never realized how hungry I was. I waited until Snape was done eating before I spoke to him.

"How do you think it is going?" I asked.

"It's progressing slow, but it is progressing. Amos seems to be on your side, as does Mafalda Hopkirk. I can also see a few of the Gryffindors turning in your favor. I also see people who are dead set against you. They don't want you to see the light of day ever again. Many members came in with an open mind and are still on the fence. I think that after they question me, many of those people will turn in your favor."

"Why? What are you planning?" I questioned.

"All I can tell you is that I am planning to show them a memory. I can't tell you anymore because they need to see your expression. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. I think I am going to go crazy with those stupid quills that Skeeter has going."

"Yes, I'm sorry about that. I tried to get this to be a press free trial, but they wouldn't allow it. I told them that they would only have one reporter as a compromise. Apparently, they chose their most annoying reporter."

I went to say something but a guard interrupted us. He told us that lunch was over and the trial was going to start again. The second half of the trial was when things got interesting. It was Snape's turned to be questioned, but he first gave his evidence.

"I have evidence to present before I allow you to question me." Snape put his wand to his temple and pulled out a memory strand. "This is a conversation between myself and Albus Dumbledore." He continued as he dropped the strand in the pensive.

This pensive showed the memory in the air, allowing everyone to see and hear what was going on.

"When it comes time for Harry to finish Voldemort, it will be bloody."

"What do you mean?"

"There will be many deaths. Not only just death eaters and members of the order, but also regular civilians and students who decide to fight."

"How many are we talking about, Albus?"

"Hundreds. As of now, the numbers can not be predicted. There is nothing that we can do about it though. A lot of people are going to die, and after the dead have been buried, people will be angry."

"You're tell me that hundreds will die and there is nothing that anyone can do about it?"

"That is correct, Severus."

"As you can obviously see, even Albus Dumbledore knew that hundreds were going to die. It was something inevitable." Snape added as the memory ended.

I was astounded. How had I not known this discussion had taken place? Why didn't Dumbledore tell me about this? The Wizengamot questioned Snape for about half an hour before it was my turn. Before the Wizengamot questioned me, Snape went and examined me.

"Harry, can you please name all of those friends, family, and mentors you lost in the second wizarding war?"

"Cedric Diggory, Sirius Black, Albus Dumbledore, Alastor Moody, Dobby the house elf, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Bill Weasley, Fleur Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger."

"So that is people that you lost, not including your parents."

"Yes, sir."

"Can you please explain to me how Cedric Diggory died?"

I looked up at Snape like he had gone mad. The look on his face told me to trust him and answer the question.

"Cedric was the first person killed by Voldemort after his return." I replied.

I looked up at Amos Diggory, wanting to apologize for having to dredge up bad memories. I was unable to apologize because Snape kept asking me questions.

"Can you go into more detail about that night?"

"He was killed in a graveyard during the third task of the Triwizard tournament. The triwizard cup was a portkey that transported Cedric and I to the graveyard. When I recognized the graveyard and knew something bad was going to happen, I told Cedric to get back to the portkey. I was too late in recognizing the graveyard. A few seconds after my warning, Voldemort murdered Cedric."

"Can you please explain your relationship with Sirius Black?"

"Sirius was my godfather. He was also my dad's best friend."

"Can you tell me about the crime that he was imprisoned for?"

"He never committed that crime. Peter Pettigrew killed those muggles, chopped off his own finger and turned himself into a rat. Sirius was wrongly accused of the crime."

In my mind, I went back to the Shrieking Shack on that day. I remembered how I felt when I realized that Sirius was innocent. I also remembered attacking Snape on that day.

"How did Sirius Black die? Please, go into as much detail as possible."

"I was fooled into coming into the department of mysteries on the false pretense that Lord Voldemort was torturing Sirius. He had been looking for a prophecy that was created about the two of us and he sent me the vision that Sirius was being tortured for those whereabouts. Six students from Hogwarts, three of whom are here today, along with members of the Order of the Phoenix took part in a duel with Voldemort's death eaters."

Tears were coming to my eyes as I recounted this memory. I could feel that sense of the dread and that sense of blame coming back to me.

"Please continue." Snape nudged.

"Sirius was killed by his deranged death eater cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange." I mumbled as more tears came spilling out of my eyes.

Snape said something to the Wizengamot before kneeling down in front of me.

"Are you alright, Harry?" He questioned while handing me a cloth to wipe my eyes with.

All I could do was nod my head.

"I didn't mean for you to have this emotional of a reaction."

"It's fine, Professor."

"Would you like to continue? If not, I can attempt to get the trial adjourned for the day."

"No, it's fine. Let's keep going." I said, giving the cloth back to Snape.

"Very well, Harry."

Snape stood up and began to question me again.

"Can you please tell me how Albus Dumbledore died?" He questioned me.

I looked up to Snape, my eyes asking if I was to tell the complete truth. His answer was very clear.

"Albus Dumbledore was killed by a death eater on the Astronomy tower at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I did not get a look at this death eater and he is, supposedly, still at large. Dumbledore had petrified me momentarily so that I could do nothing rash. The death eaters didn't know that I was there because I was hidden from sight."

"So a friend, a family member, and a mentor of yours were killed within three years of each other?"

"Correct"

"Do you believe that you could have done anything to save any one of those three lives?"

"At the time, I thought I could have done something to save each person. In hindsight, I realize that I could do no such thing to save anyone of them. All of those people would have died eventually in the war had I been able to save them."

"So you could do nothing to save anyone?"

"Yes."

"During the final battle, how did you save the lives of people who fought on that night?"

"I would not let anyone fight Voldemort. I made a scene about it, causing people to stop fighting and watch us duel. I also went willingly to Voldemort, thinking that he would kill me and there, save lives in the battle."

"Many believe that you could have fought Voldemort sooner, which would cause the battle to never have happened. Do you believe, in hindsight, that you may have had an opportunity to face him any sooner?"

"No. There were things that I needed to learn and certain events that needed to unfold before I could face him. There was no way that I could have possibly faced him sooner."

"You may now question him." Snape gave way to the Wizengamot, stepping next to my chair.

"Harry James Potter." Amos Diggory began.

"Yes, sir."

"Can you please explain to us what you said 'needed to unfold before you could face off against Voldemort'?"

Snape made no protest, so I answered.

"During my sixth year, Dumbledore taught me about Horocruxes. Voldemort had created, what I thought, were six of these. It turns out that he actually made seven of them and I didn't learn that until I was ready to willingly go to Voldemort. Up until the battle, I had been searching for these. We have to thank Neville Longbottom because he was the person who destroyed the final horocrux."

"Can you explain how you acted at the funerals?"

"I acted respectfully. I may not have known the person who died, but  I was empathic toward their surviving family members. I made myself available to anyone who wanted to talk." I explained as I searched the Wizengamot for the person who asked the question.

"Would you say that this battle, this rivalry, was between you and Voldemort?" Someone else

"He will not be answering that question." Snape interjected.

"I do not think that the question is an outlandish one, Severus." Amos commented.

"He will not be answering that question, or any form of that question." Snape repeated.

"How would you, by fighting Voldemort by yourself, have saved lives when all of the people had died before you fought him?" A women questioned

"He will not be answering." Snape interrupted again.

"No, he says that he saved lives but no one died after Mr. Potter fought him." Someone argued.

"Exactly, had I not done that, the death toll would have been much higher." I shouted over Snape.

"Harry, not another word." He admonished.

"How else did you save lives?!" A member of the Wizengamot shouted.

"He will not be answering that question!" Snape shouted.

Then mass chaos erupted. To being with, Snape had been arguing with the Wizengamot. Soon after the crowd began shouting at me, frustrated that I was not allowed to answer. I could see Amos Diggory attempting to calm the court, but he was not successful. I knew exactly what was going to calm the court down.

"Everyone needs to be quiet right now, so I can explain myself!" I shouted, getting the court to quiet almost immediately

"Harry..." Snape began

"No." I sternly said. "You are going to let me speak." I ordered before turning to address the Wizengamot. "It was war. People die in war because that is what people do. The students and civilians understood that when they decided to fight against Voldemort and his army. There are some people who willingly put their lives on the line to take down Voldemort. Now those people are dead. That's what the order of the phoenix stood fore, fighting for good no matter the personal cost. The people who fought alongside me understood that people would die. They understood that they would die to save the Wizarding world. I did what I needed to do to save the greater wizarding world. I did what I needed to do because the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

I quickly shut my mouth when I understood what I had said. I could tell by the now white face of Severus Snape that I had done irreversible damage. I knew by his face that those who were on the fence, and ever some of the few who were on my side, were now against me. I had pretty much told the Wizengamot that the deaths that had happened meant nothing to me because I had saved the wizarding world.

"Does anyone else have anymore questions?" Amos Diggory asked. No one spoke, signaling that they were done. "Very well, any closing statement?" He questioned Snape.

Snape shook out of his surprise and began to speak.

"So...uh, now you have heard all of the evidence." He began weakly. I could see his mind working to get out of this mess that I had placed myself in. I had never seen this man speak so unconfidently. Snape coughed then continued with more confidence. "I beg you to find him not guilty. He's just a boy and he has been put in charge to take care of a child. Yes, that is correct. Remus Lupin and his wife died in the final battle, which means that Harry is now tasked to raise his godson. I beg you to find Harry Potter not guilty so that he can tell his godson how his parents died bravely and heroically for what they believed in. How they died so that Teddy's childhood was better than the one of his parents. If you believe, after all the evidence you have seen, that they boy is guilty, I ask you only one thing..."

What's Snape doing?

"I ask you to lessen his sentence to a life time confinement to the mental ward at St. Mungos on the account that Harry Potter is mentally insane." There was an audible gasp in the courtroom. My own gasp added to the collective gasps. What the bloody hell was Snape doing?

"I am not insane!" I shouted.

"Why do you believe that Mr. Potter is mentally insane?" Amos Diggory asked as many of the people in the courtroom leaned forward.

"You just head the statement that he said "The need of the many outweigh the few" That is an absolutely outrageous statement."

"I think that hardly constitutes someone as being mentally insane." Someone from Wizengamot said.

"Yes, but he is mentally and emotionally unstable. He's suffered so much loss that it has twisted his mind. He's suffered so much loss that his mind has created another world to compensate for it." M

My mind went blank except for one thing, anger.

 "What do you mean another world?"

"He's gone a created another world where those who died, that he loves, has come back to life. He's gone insane and his mind doesn't understand how to handle the grief. He's not suited for a cell in Azkaban. He needs a room in the mental ward of St. Mungos."

Then Snape took a step back, signaling that he was done. I couldn't comprehend what had just happened. Did he really tell them I was insane? Did he really go back on his word to keep my dual worlds a secret?

"All of those in favor of clearing the accused of charges?" Amos Diggory announced.

A few hands went up, including Amos Diggory and Mafalda Hopkirk's. I knew that I was done for. There were not enough hands to set me free. I'm not really sure what happened next. I do remember seeing more hands in favor of finding me guilty, but they had to vote again to determine my punishment. After a few moments, I was asked to stand. No one would remember me now as the person who killed the darkest wizard of all time, they would only see me as the person who was responsible for 346 deaths at the battle of Hogwarts.

"Harry Potter, you have been found guilty of the deaths of the 346 people who died at the battle of Hogwarts. The Wizengamot has made their decision on your punishment. In an overwhelming vote of 75 to 15, you have been sentenced to death by the way of dementors kiss."

Cheers erupted from the crowd, but that was the perfect distraction. Anger coursed through my body as I seized Snape's wand from his cloak. There was a clamor of people reaching for their wands as I pointed the one in my hand at Snape.

"NO, STOP!" Snape shouted to those who had their wands out, mostly guards and Aurors. "Don't shoot. I can handle this." Snape shouted again, his hands up in the air. He looked at me before speaking to me. "What are you doing, Harry?"

"I'm insane now, am I?" I questioned.

"No you're not, Harry." He responded.

"You just explained to them that I had gone insane. You promised not to tell anyone about it. You promised."

"Harry, I was trying to save your life. Obviously, they saw through my words."

"Yeah, and now I'm going to die with people only remembering that the wars made me go mad. Even you were enthralled with my two different worlds."

"Yes because that had never happened before. I even went to the records to see if it had happened. You're the first case that 's been seen."

Angry tears came to my eyes.

"Why do you think I was so wary of telling you about it. If it were normal, I'd have no problem with what you did. It was like when I heard the basilisk my second year. I can't believe that you betrayed me."

"Harry, I was trying to help you." Snape tried to reason with me.

"You told them." I repeated. "You said that you were with me, but really you're against me." I said as I lifted my wand. "Av-" I began to say.

There were flashes of red and green, then I saw black.


 

Snape hadn't been able to grab Harry as he fell. When the lights had gone away, Snape knelt next to Harry, lifting the boy in his arms.

 

"You killed him...you killed him you bastards!" The Potions Master shouted as tears flowed from his eyes.     
The End.


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