When Am I Awake? by HPSSFan
Summary: The final battle is over, but how has this effected Harry and how he sees who is dead and who is alive? How does he know what is real and what is a dream?
Categories: Snape Equal Status to Harry > Comrades Snape and Harry, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape Main Characters: Arthur, Bellatrix, Dumbledore, Fred George, Ginny, Hermione, Lucius, Luna, McGonagall, Molly, Neville, Other, Ron, .Snape and Harry (required), Voldemort
Snape Flavour: None
Genres: Drama, Family, General, Mystery, Supernatural, Tragedy
Media Type: None
Tags: Alternate Universe
Takes Place: 8 - Post Hogwarts (young adult Harry), 8 - Pre Epilogue (adult Harry)
Warnings: Character Death, Profanity, Violence
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes Word count: 13363 Read: 17581 Published: 16 Jan 2013 Updated: 11 Apr 2013
Chapter 6 by HPSSFan
Author's Notes:
Super long chapter, so I hope it makes up for the very long period of time without an update

My eyes flew open and I gasped for air. How was I awake? I had died in both worlds, so where was I now? I could hear a fast pace peeing sound that matched the pounding of my heart.

"Harry!" I hear someone call my name, causing me to turn to the left.

Neville was there and so was Luna.

"Where am I?" I questioned trying to get a better idea of my surroundings.

"You're in St. Mungos, Harry." Luna answered.

"Why? What happened?"

"You and Voldemort were out under the awning. You killed him, but he exploded. It was like a fireworks explosion but worse. He caused the covering to collapse before you got out. At least, that's what people have been able to figure out. No one really saw..." Neville answered before Luna continued.

"You got Voldemort away from everybody and that was when the fighting started again. No one really knew that you were missing until the battle was won. They were surprised that you were still alive when they found you almost a day later. You've been in a coma for a year, Harry. People weren't sure that you were going to make it."

"So those worlds never existed." I thought to myself. "Where are Ron and Hermione? What about the rest of the Weasley's?"

The room was filled with a tense silence for a few seconds.

"They died in battle." Neville whispered.

"No." I gasped to myself. "How?" was the only other thing I could manage right now.

"Ron was killed by Yaxley because he took a killing curse for Hermione. Hermione got killed by Dolohov. Bellatrix killed Ginny and Mrs. Weasley, but Bellatrix died as well. I don't know how anyone else died."

"What about Snape?"

Neville's mouth was left agape, his mouth moving like he was attempting to make words.

"Professor Snape died as well, Harry. Voldemort killed him, we thing. We found him in the shrieking shack." Luna informed me.

Everyone was dead. It makes sense why Neville and Luna were the only people who were constant in the two worlds. My brain had been trying to adjust to what just happened. I couldn't remember a thing about it. I just had the information that I had from my two worlds.

"Where is Lupin's son?"

"What?" Neville questioned.

"Tonks' mother has him. She knew that you were his godfather, so she has been watching him."

"Where are you staying, Harry? Once you get out of here, that is."

Where was I going to stay? Grimmauld place didn't exist any more and I couldn't go to Privet Drive.

"I guess I don't have anywhere right now, Neville." I responded.

"My Gran said that you could come and stay with us until you get a place of your own." Neville offered.

I agreed that I would have to stay with Neville for the time being.

I was released from St. Mungos six days later. If I had to stay any longer, I would have exploded. Neville started taking me back to his Gran's house, but I stopped him.

"Neville, can you take me to Hogwarts? The cemetery is near there, isn't it?" I questioned.

"It is there."

"I want to see where it all ended. I want to visit them."

"Are you sure, Harry?" Neville questioned.

"Yes, Neville. I just want to see it. Maybe it will jog my memory."

So Neville grabbed me by the arm and we apparated into the courtyard on the grounds of Hogwarts. I stumbled, dizzied by the apparating.

"You okay?" Neville questioned as he grabbed my arm to catch me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. That was more disorientating than I remember." It took me a moment to collect my bearings. "Neville, how did we apparate into the grounds of Hogwarts?"

"They took the defensive charms down for the summer."

I tried really hard not to slap myself on the forehead, for that was a really stupid and common sense question.

"Where did he die?" I asked and Neville understood exactly who I was talking about.

"Over there." Neville answered, pointing to the covered walkway.

I turned back toward the doors of the school and I could see myself fighting Voldemort.

"I came and brought him out here. I needed to get him away from people. We fought in the middle of the courtyard for awhile until he ran under the walkway. I followed him and we fought again. He went to cast the killing curse at the same time that I casted a stunning spell. The spells collided and we dueled like that for a few moment. I won out eventually causing both or our spells to hit him. I got his wand, which had flown through the air at the same time that he was starting to combust." I explained as I walked to where I had been standing at that moment. "He turned into a ball of light, almost like a patronus that is sending a message. He exploded after turning into that ball of light. I dropped to the ground when I saw the bright orange ring of light coming toward me. I remember hearing the sound of wood and stone collapsing, but I guess I didn't understand what was happening. That is the last thing that I remember." I told Neville.

The doors to the entrance hall opened and I thought we were in trouble. Thankfully, we were not. Headmistress McGonagall was walking out of the doors. No, walking wasn't the right word. Running seemed more appropriate. She ran up to me, her mouth open agape when she stopped.

"Did you get my owl, Headmistress?" Neville questioned.

"What owl?" She questioned.

"I sent you an owl three days ago, when Harry woke up. Just like you asked me too." Neville explained.

"I did not receive an owl from you, Mr. Longbottom." Then she turned to me. "Mr. Potter, I'm very glad to see you are well."

"The school looks great." was all I could manage to say.

"Yes, it took us a long time, something close to nine months. We finally got it rebuilt though. You are coming back this year, correct, Mr. Potter?"

"I need to better rehabilitate my magic before I can come back, Professor." He replied.

"Very well, I will hold a spot for you when you are ready. Thank you for bringing him back, Mr. Longbottom."

"You're welcome, Headmistress."

Headmistress McGonagall retreated back into the castle after saying goodbye to her former pupils.

"So that's the cemetery?" I questioned, pointing to the island on the black lake.

I could see the light reflecting off of the white tombstones. Neville grabbed my arm and we apparated to the cemetery. He led me to the row of graves where Hermione and the Weasley family had been laid to rest. Next to them, Remus and Tonks had also been laid to rest. I stood at the end of the row, reading the little placard.

"This is the row of the Order of The Phoenix. The Order of The Phoenix was an underground resistance group who fought against Lord Voldemort. There are the members of the Order of The Phoenix who died in the final battle. Around the country, other members of the Order who died during the first battle are buried, most notably, James and Lily Potter who are buried in Godric's Hallow. Their son, Harry, is the only one who has been known to survive the killing curse on numerous occasions. He led the Order of The Phoenix into the final battle, which lead to the defeat of Lord Voldemort. Many combatants from the second Wizarding war are still alive today. Very few members of the Order of The Phoenix are alive today."

I looked down the row and noticed a black grave stone, the only one of its color. I walked toward it, wondering whose it was. I stood in shock.

"Severus Snape." It read.

"How did you get him buried here?" I questioned, knowing that no one in their right mind would bury Snape with the fallen heroes of the good side.


"No one believed me at first, that Snape was on our side. It wasn't until I showed them the letter he had written to me, explaining everything, that people started to believe me. There are still a lot of people who believe that laying him to rest here is so very wrong."

"He what?" I asked, still hung up on the letter portion of his explanation.

"He sent me a letter. I got it while you were in the forest with Voldemort. It explained everything, from his role in the war to his role in my parents death. The letter was only suppose to come to me when he died, so that's how we knew that he was dead. Some threw a fit when it was proclaimed that Snape's grave was going to be white. So, to appease the public, they made it black."

"It fits him much better than white." I said, more to myself than to Neville. "Let's go home, Neville. I find that my energy levels are still rather low after coming out of a coma."

"Are you sure?" Neville inquired.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

What I had told Neville wasn't a lie, nor was it the complete truth. My energy levels had been suffering, but I was not tired. No, I needed to be alone with everyone, so I was going to come tomorrow morning.

~*~*~*~*~

I woke up early the next morning, before the sun came up. I stepped out of the house as quietly as I could before apparating to the graveyard. Even though it was early in the morning, it was starting to get warm. I slowly walked to the Order of The Phoenix row, taking a seat in between Ron and Hermione. I sat in silence, just looking up and down the row. Before me were the people that I love and they were all dead. As I looked at each grave and read the name, flashing back and remember how they died or the last time I saw them.

Arthur Weasley, I remember seeing him before Voldemort and I started fighting. He had been fighting Voldemort alongside Kingsley and McGonagall. I don't know who killed him and I may never find out.

Molly Weasley, I watched her kill Bellatrix Lestrange after Lestrange killed Ginny. Mrs. Weasley couldn't stop the killing curse that was already speeding toward her.

Fred and George Weasley, I'm not exactly sure how they died, but I do remember seeing their bodies before I went to view Snape's memories.

Ginny Weasley, my love, my girlfriend. When I watched her crumple to the floor because of the killing curse, It felt like the world was over. My heart, which had been torn in two, had been crushed into little pieces because of her death. It was like the death blow to my heart.

The reason that my heart was torn in two to begin with was because of the deaths of my two best friends. I watched, in slow motion, as Ron jumped in between Hermione and Yaxley's killing curse. I watched one of my best friends fall right then and there. I could do nothing to save Ron. I filled with Anger, just like Hermione was and we both stunned Yaxley. I wanted to kill him so badly, but I didn't. If I did, I would have been no different than Voldemort.

Stunning Yaxley had distracted both of use, so I just barely saw Dolohov. He had his wand pointed right at Hermione. I went to stun him, but I hadn't acted fast enough. He got the killing curse out before my spell hit him. His killing curse had hit Hermione. Everyone that I had ever loved from the wizarding world was dead.

Then, there was Snape. Even after everything that happened, I still don't know how I feel about the man. He hated my guts for years, but still protected me from harm. Why was it that almost every person who cared about me has ended up dead? Because they cared about me, three wizarding families have now gone extinct.

I felt tears come to my eyes as I sat there and continued to stare at Ron and Hermione's graves.

"I'm sorry." was the only thing that I could choke out.

"It's your fault that they are dead, Potter." A cruel voice spoke.

I turned my head to the source of the voice. Lucius Malfoy was standing there, his wand aimed at me.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" I questioned, turning back to the graves.

"I want you to stand up and fight me." He ordered.

I stood up and took my wand out of my pocket.

"Go ahead, attack me, Malfoy." I said meekly.

"I want you to fight me!" He shouted. "I want to show everyone that I am more powerful than the Dark Lord. I want to show everyone that I can kill the famous Harry Potter in a duel."

"Well, go ahead, but I'm not going to fight back." I replied.

"What?" Malfoy asked, his wand dropping an inch or so lower.

"I told you, I am not going to fight you. I've fought all of my life and I'm done fighting." I replied.

There was a shocked silence between us as I continued to stare at Lucius. Who knows, maybe no one else who cares about me will died.  Maybe I will see the people that I care about.

 

 

The End.
End Notes:
One more chapter!


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