The Summer We Went Mental by Whitetail
Summary: Being sent to stay in a psychiatric ward at St. Mungo’s isn’t exactly the most enjoyable way to spend a summer, so naturally, Harry’s pretty angry when he finds out that’s his destination, regardless of whether or not it might be good for him. Facing a full summer of being cut off from the Order’s plans, Harry’s even taken to envying Snape, because at least Snape knows what is going on. But when Harry arrives at St. Mungo’s and discovers that a fire has changed his destination from the teen ward to the adult ward, everything is turned upside down. Enter his roommate - suicidal, depressed, and none other than Severus Snape. They are both willing to bet that their summer will be a total disaster, and maybe it will be, but even the surest of gamblers are not always right.
Categories: Snape Equal Status to Harry > Comrades Snape and Harry Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required), Dumbledore, Original Character, Remus
Snape Flavour: Snape is Depressed
Genres: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Media Type: None
Tags: Hospitalization
Takes Place: 6th summer
Warnings: Self-harm, Suicide Themes
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 35 Completed: Yes Word count: 109245 Read: 221856 Published: 14 Feb 2014 Updated: 03 May 2015
Sleepless Night by Whitetail

Severus stood before the mirror, brushing his teeth with a grim sort of satisfaction. The conversation he'd had earlier in the day with Dumbledore was running through his head like a movie reel.

He'd given the facts. He'd told Albus every piece of evidence Potter had displayed that pointed to a bad home life. Severus told him about the conversation with Potter under the table earlier that day. He mentioned Potter's grief over Black, how a night he thought he'd heard Potter crying. The boy hadn't been awake, but Severus had heard a quiet mutter, a soft apology addressed to Black. He tried to explain to Dumbledore as best he could that the thought Potter was taking Black's death so hard was that he had no other parental support. In reality, he and Black hadn't gotten a lot of time to get close at all, and yet they had managed despite huge distance and barriers between them.

Potter didn't know he'd been overheard the other night. But then again, Potter didn't know how much Severus had noticed.

The whole thing warranted investigation, but when it came down to it, Severus could only cite a few concrete examples, hoping Dumbledore would believe him. The rest was that feeling, that deep seated sense of knowing that he'd cultivated years ago.

"How can you be sure, Severus?" Albus had asked. "How can you be so sure Harry's being abused at home?"

That was the part that Severus couldn't stop remembering, that question, that awful question.

I know, Albus. I just know. How, do you ask? How?

Severus spat forcefully into the sink, scowling. He'd only said one sentence in reply.

"Because you never noticed that I was."

Albus had cried. Severus still couldn't get over that part. Albus had actually cried after Severus said that. Because Severus never said a word about it, not once. It was what Severus had kept silent all these years, what he never dared to mention but what coloured every interaction, that underlying anger that nobody had ever noticed what he was going home to as a boy. That he'd been invisible and all these teachers, now colleagues, had looked straight through it. After Albus' reaction, he wondered if it wasn't because they didn't care, but because they just didn't know what to look for. Or maybe Severus' acting skills were better than he thought.

Severus shook his head, examining his pale reflection in the mirror.

It hadn't been long after that that Dumbledore went to go talk with Amelia Bones to ask about getting a warrant for use of Veritaserum on Harry's relatives. Amelia was a good woman, and had the influence to get it discreetly, without interference from the press.

Albus returned briefly some time later and he told Severus he got the warrant. Tomorrow he would be back to let Severus know how it went.

Severus put his toothbrush in the cup by the sink, and went to his and Potter's room. Potter was sitting in bed, reading a book. Severus threw himself on his own bed, and gave a great sigh as he sunk down into it.

"Tired much?" Potter said, amused.

"You have no idea," Severus said, exhaustion making his words slow and drawn out.

Potter put his book on the side table.

"I can get the light then?"

Severus didn't make a noise of protest, so Potter got up and flicked the switch.

Severus pushed his thoughts to the back of his mind, and feel asleep nearly instantly.

 

***

 

Harry awoke sometime in the night, unsure of what the cause of his alertness was. It took him time to realize that Snape was moving around restlessly. Harry could hear the rustling of the sheets. Snape made a sharp grunting noise. In the moonlight from the window, Harry sat up in bed, glancing across the room. There was a sheen of sweat on his face.

Harry wondered what Snape was dreaming about. The man frequently tossed and turned, but this time seemed different. He'd heard Snape mutter something about "the Dark Lord" a few times in his sleep before, but the reaction overall this time. It was not the same. Snape's breathing was heavier, and he kept making an odd, whistling gasp, like he was ... afraid.

Quietly, Harry slid out of bed, standing on the wood floor and wondering if he should wake Snape. His Professor was twisting the sheets in his fists.

Snape let out an odd noise that sounded almost like "please". His brows furrowed.

He seemed to go still, however, and Harry relaxed as well, relieved, and went back over to his own bed. Harry lay down, and closed his eyes. What he heard next drifted eerily across the room, too clear to be mistaken.

"Dad - no -"

Harry sat up again, staring, his stomach clenching over what he had just heard. Snape was tossing again in his bed, but showed no awareness that Harry was watching him. Just terror.

"No -d-don' -" Snape let out another one of his whistling breaths. He shifted again, kicking slightly with one of his feet, the covers sliding.

Frozen, Harry watched, Snape's words running on loop in his head.

Then, with seemingly no warning, Snape sat bolt upright in bed, a loud, gasping breath catching in his chest. Harry didn't have time to lie down and pretend to be sleeping. Snape caught sight of Harry, his eyes widening further. His breaths came in muffled wheezes. He looked away from Harry, shame in his eyes. Snape was shaking from head to foot, and he seemed to be trying to stop but couldn't.

"Are ... are you alright?" Harry asked, not knowing what else to say but knowing he couldn't stay silent.

Snape took a shuddering breath, but nodded. "It's nothing," he muttered, his words hardly reaching Harry.

Harry wanted to say more, find some way to make Snape feel better. But no words came to him.

"I can't sleep," Harry said at last. "Do you want to play cards?"

Snape gave a shaky laugh, sounding more out of relief than anything. "Sure."

Relief flooding through his own veins, Harry grabbed the stack of cards from his bedside table, turned the light on, and threw a pillow down on the floor. He grabbed the blanket from his bed and wrapped it around his shoulders, and sat on the pillow.

"Exploding Snap?" Harry asked.

Snape slid from his bed, sitting on a pillow like Harry and dragging his own blanket off his bed to stay warm. It was like some sort of absurd slumber party. "Isn't that a bit loud for three in the morning?" Snape asked, amused.

"Not like we've got anyone to wake up here."

"Deal me in."

Harry grinned, shuffled the cards a bit, then threw a card toward Snape.

 

***

 

"That is quite a lot of yawning you are doing, Severus," said Joseph amicably after Severus interrupted his version of the meeting with Dumbledore the previous day to yawn for at least the tenth time in fifteen minutes. "Where you up late?"

"Yes."

"What for?"

"I could not sleep." Joseph waited patiently for Severus to elaborate. "Nightmare. You know. The usual."

"Do you think that revealing to Dumbledore that you were abused as a child acted as a trigger for that?"

"Probably," said Severus, rolling his eyes. "Didn't sleep much after it, anyway, which is why I keep yawning."

"You had difficulty falling asleep after the nightmare?"

"Actually, Potter and I started playing cards," said Severus. "I probably wouldn't have fallen back asleep anyway."

"Did he wake up when you did?"

Severus twisted his hands in his lap, looking down at them. "I think he heard me. I know he heard me, actually."

"Does that worry you?"

"Not ... not as much as I might have thought it would," said Severus, frowning. "I guess ... Potter didn't really try to pry. He just pulled out a deck of cards and said he couldn't sleep either."

"Clever boy," said Joseph, smiling. "Did the cards help?"

"Yes, they did. We did a lot of talking. Everything but ... the nightmare. But ... that was good. Wasn't a moment I needed to talk about it. I just sort of needed to relax, and I think maybe Potter got that."

 

***

 

"And how did that make you feel, Harry, hearing Professor Snape having a nightmare?" asked Richard.

"Strange ..." Harry said, turning one of his homemade Quidditch figurines over and over in his hands. "I mean ... it was just ... I don't know. I'm not sure if he'd want me to say."

"Whatever is said here will not leave the room. I will keep it confidential, as always."

"Well, he stared talking about his dad, like, in his sleep," muttered Harry. He glanced up at Richard, who was sitting in a chair across from the coffee table, Harry's Quidditch pitch between them.

"In what way?"

"I ... he didn't say anything specific, but the way it sounded, I don't think it was good. You know, he said to me the other day when I was sitting under the table and reading - oh, I do that sometimes, cause it feel safe, right? Well, Snape guessed why I was sitting there. He asked me if it was because it felt safe. So I asked him how he knew that."

"Did he answer?" Richard asked, curious, leaning forward slightly.

"He did," Harry said.

"You sound surprised."

"I just ... I'm surprised he trusted me. He never would have trusted me with something like that before."

"Things change. You two have been through a great deal together. What did he say?"

"He said that his parents used to fight a lot. I just ... I get the feeling there's more, you know? And the way he sounded when he had that nightmare ... something awful must have happened."

"Does that change the way you see him?"

"A little, yeah. I kind of get how hard it is to you know, be normal, or nice to people, when all you've ever known is hate, you know? Kind of explains why he's such an angry teacher. It doesn't excuse it, but it kind of explains it."

 

***

 

Severus yawned widely again as he sunk down at the kitchen table to eat lunch with Potter. They'd both had morning sessions, and now that they were over, they were free to have a bite to eat.

Potter slurped his soup rather noisily, but Severus was so glad to see that the boy finally had an appetite that he didn't mind.

"Something came in the mail for you," said Harry, shoving a paper covered tube over at Severus.

Curious, Severus slit the tube open, and out slid a rolled up copy of a magazine.

"But I didn't sign up for Potions Monthly," said Severus, puzzled. "My subscription lapsed ages ago."

He flipped it open, and then let his spoon fall with a clatter.

"What is it sir?"

Severus stared at the magazine, open on the table. Then, he burst out laughing, great, rolling peals of laughter. He managed to stifle it to ask Potter what he saw, holding up the magazine. It felt good to laugh. Really good.

"Um, a table of contents?"

"Oh, that genius woman," he muttered to himself, chuckling, reading the first page of the magazine, which looked entirely different to him. "Daisy enchanted it. She's made a fake subscription to Potions Monthly and made it so it looks like a regular magazine to anyone else. But she's written the response to my last letter so that I can see it. "

"But why?"

"In case someone intercepts our mail," said Severus. "Why do you think nobody was supposed to send you letters with sensitive information from Grimmauld place even over the previous summer?"

Potter shrugged, and Severus lowered his gaze to read the letter at last.

 

Dear Severus

 

I hope you like my method of reaching you. It is good to hear from you, and I most definitely forgive you for disappearing like that. Given the circumstances (and what they wrote in the paper) I understand. It's simply awful what they wrote in the Prophet! I was so angry. Please tell me you are finding a way to file a law suit? Who was the rat? Do you know?

I am sorry I was so distant the last time we spoke. Thank you for the concern, as well. You see, what happened was I'd been speaking over the phone with a friend (she is muggle born) and she was very insensitive. She told me to "snap out of it" and that I need to just open my eyes and realize that being thin isn't as important as being healthy. You know how people can get if they've never experienced something first hand. I know she meant well, but she obviously didn't understand that my issues with eating have been more of a control thing than an "I'm fat" thing. I'd been planning on staying with her a little while following my release (I am out now, hooray!) but that fell through on the day I called. I told her I couldn't stay with her if she was going to speak like that without taking the time to truly understand. That's why I was so sharp with you that day. I am very sorry I acted that way, but I hope you understand somewhat, and know that it wasn't you.

So, that fell through, but luckily I have a cousin in London who is happy to share a flat for a while. The healers think it is not good for me to stay with someone for the first little while, just to give me that extra support, as well as incentive to keep eating. We did not get along too well when we were young, but so far we are actually having a fun time. Sheila is actually wonderful company now, though the five year age different felt like twenty years when we were young, and she was so superior I just hated her. Goodness we used to fight! Now that we are both older we have a lot of fun together.

I've been doing some office work somewhere besides the Ministry. That place holds too many poor memories for me, what with my husband having worked there before he died, and the people I worked with there too. But it's a nice little business I am at now - a potions owl order company, which is how I got the idea to send you a "subscription" to Potions Monthly.

I am glad you wrote. We really must stay in contact. I consider you a friend, and it would be nice to continue to visit with every so often over tea.

 

All the best,

 

Daisy

 

P.S. have you figured things out with Harry? I worry about him. Say hello for me, won't you?"

Also, we may have to keep letters infrequent for a while, just to avoid suspicion, unless we can find another way to send things through a similar method. I fear that enchanting a simple letter rather than a magazine will still yield scrutiny by any party intercepting it.

 

Severus smiled, and closed the magazine. "Daisy says hello, by the way."

"How is she?" Potter asked.

"Doing well, it sounds. How was your session with Richard?"

"Good. He enchanted some of my Quidditch figurines."

"I may have to see that," said Severus.

Potter's face lit up with a grin. Severus held back a smile, and put his soup bowl in the sink to wash later.

"Lead the way," he said, and Potter practically ran from the room, talking all about all the different games he'd be able to play with Weasley when the whole thing was finished, and how he hoped Dumbledore would help him figure out how to bring the whole thing to Hogwarts, seeing as it was a bit too big to fit through the fireplace floo.

Severus made a mental note of that.

The End.
End Notes:
Hey guys - very sorry for the long interval between updates *dodges hexes*. I apologize, as I was National Novel Writing Month, where you write 50 000 words in a month. I did so to further an original novel I've been working on the past year. So sorry to you all for neglecting Mental. Updates will come quicker now. :)


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