Despite a few muted objections from Lily and James, Severus left the Potter Estate for Hogwarts as soon as he had gotten a semi-firm grip on reality. His students were all adorably concerned for him, they had even made him a card and gotten him a large supply of his favourite Liquorice Bites. The staff all offered to help him with his classes, and poor Minerva had taken over caring for the Slytherins as well as the Gryffindors. With all of this, during the days he quickly found a sort of comfort in the routine of teaching classes, and managing his students.

To make things even better, Pauline was now dating him again, and it was like the beginnings of love all over again, which meant they were basically in a cycle of sex, long conversations and eating the new goodies she was always coming up with in his kitchen. Falling asleep with her for a couple hours was easy. She slide up next to him, put her perpetually cold hand on his chest, and this incredible feeling of safety and security came over him that he had never felt before, and he’d fall asleep immediately.

Unfortunately, the late nights did not work particularly well for Pauline, who had to get up to work at the bakery at the crack of dawn almost every morning. Which meant that she couldn't spend every night being his security blanket, and alone, away from the routine of the day and Pauline, he couldn’t sleep.

Every sound made him jerk upright in bed, then he’d lie there, his heart thumping in his chest. Pauline had been away for days, and he watched the sun rise without sleeping for the third time. But he had to get up and go to the Potter’s. With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and got dressed.

“Potter Estate,” he muttered, getting thrown through the floo. If he didn’t show up for Sirius’ birthday, James would call in the entire Auror service to come looking for him, not that he was actually considering missing the day.

“Uncle Sev! Uncle Sev!” yelled Harry the moment Severus stepped out of the fireplace. No matter what, seeing Harry run to him with that big, goofy smile on his face always soothed Severus’ frayed nerves.

“Hey monkey,” Severus said, sweeping the boy up in his arms. A bunch of one-year olds, including Sirius, were crawling around on the mat with Remus, while the parents chatted. One year old birthdays were the oddest thing Severus had ever seen. The baby clearly didn’t know what was happening, and preferred the box to the gift inside the box, but he adored the attention and laughed and giggled. As he did so, the unsettled feeling in Severus’ gut seemed to drift away.

“Sev, sweetheart, could you grab the veggie platter from the kitchen. I don’t want these kids to just have sugar to eat,” Lily asked conjuring a large pile of paper plates with her wand. “ He nodded and slid Amelia off of his lap. Just as he stood up Lily touched his hand and look at him intently.

“Are you ok?” she asked softly. He nodded and forced a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Just tired.” Lily gave him a knowing smirk.

“Ah yes, the early stages of lovesickness. There’s coffee in the kitchen if you want some,” she said, giving his hand a fond squeeze.

Severus practically slept-walked to the kitchen and summoned the large plate of carrots and broccoli that was hiding behind the fantastic, sugared cake Pauline had made. With a sigh, he summoned a mug that declared him World’s #1 Dad, and poured himself a cup. He moved to slice a piece of carrot cake from the platter.

A child shrieked from the living room, and Severus started, slicing the knife through his finger instead of the cake. Blood spurted everywhere, and Severus jolted at the pain. Everything suddenly hurt. Someone screamed again. His knees gave out and he crashed on the cold cement floor. He had been so stupid to think he’d ever be safe. That James could have killed that monster without a wand.

He could feel someone coming towards him, and he pushed himself back into the corner. He knew without a doubt it was Voldemort coming to finish him off. Pain burst through his chest. He was going to die. It seemed like someone might by talking to him, but the ringing in his ears prevented him from fully hearing.

A hand handed on his should and he flinched. He didn’t care if he died, but he couldn’t be hurt anymore. He just had to stop the pain.

“Sev?” whispered James’ voice, but James would never hurt him. It wasn’t real. His breath came in short panicked spurts. Was the entire thing a lie? Had he been with the Voldemort version of James the entire time?

“Sev, no one’s hurting you. You’re safe.” he said. “Can you open your eyes and look around?” Severus squeezed his eyes shut, not trusting it. He didn’t want to see James’ face on Voldemort again. The hand that was on his shoulders moved to the back of his neck. Severus’ eyes snapped open to focus on James who was peering down at him with heavy concern. When Severus made eye contact, he forced a smile.

“Take a deep breath, now. It’s ok,” fake-James said softly as he pulled Severus closer. Shakily, Severus obeyed. There was the familiar smell of laundry and cologne as Severus nose landed on James’ shoulder.

“That’s it, and another,” instructed James.  He didn’t realize how little oxygen he had until he breathed. The more his breathing slowed, the more he realized what had happened: he was at Sirius’ birthday party, having a panic attack over an injured hand Then, with horror, he realized he was resting his head on James’ shoulder and that the man was holding him like a child.  Still disoriented, he immediately pulled back.

“Let me see your hand, Sev,” James said, picking up the bloody hand from the tile. He hissed in sympathy. For some reason the sight made Severus’ stomach roll, and he looked away and closed his eyes with a groan.

“It’s alright,” soothed James, taping the sliced up finger with his wand. “That’s alright, it looks worse then it is, see?” Severus looked down to the finger that James was now wrapping in gauze. With a flick of his wand James summoned a small vial of pain reliever and held out to Severus. Reluctantly, he drunk it down.

“Do you know where you are?” James’ voice asked calmly, cutting through the fog that had wrapped around his mind as his hand wrapped around Severus’ wrist.

“Uhm - I - ” Severus swallowed and looked around. He was sitting against a brightly painted cupboard, on familiar tile, in a kitchen that smelled like gingersnaps.

“Home,” he whispered, before he could think better of it.

“That’s right,” said James, kindly. Severus looked around him, he was surrounded by the broken pieces of James’ mug.

“I broke the mug,” Severus whispered stupidly, reaching to broken pieces of ceramic with the hand that James wasn’t restraining.

“That’s alright,” James soothed, in a tone that was more suited to his children than to Severus, and he gently took Severus’ other wrist to prevent him from reaching for the broken dish. Awareness came back to him more forcefully, and with it came a rush of embarrassment.

“I’m fine, Potter,” grumbled Severus, moving to stand. James jumped up as well, his arms hovering to catch him if he fell.

“Sev, maybe you should sit for a moment,” said James, touching his elbow. “Let me make you some tea, ok?” Severus’ heart was still beating a million miles a moment, and the moment the words came out of James’ mouth, the fear and horror turned to anger.

“I said I’m fine, stop hovering!” snapped Severus. He pushed James’ arm away with an exceptional amount of force and stormed off.

He avoided James after that, which was easier said then done, considering the man continually tried to call him, and even blackmailed him by sending pictures the children made for him. Lily even tried to contact him multiple times, which meant that James had told her what was going on. Severus knew that the only reason the Potters weren’t bursting through his doors was because he couldn’t avoid them forever.

Pauline was trying to save up to open her own bakery and had entered into the annual Hogsmeade baking competition. He couldn’t very well not show up, and the Potters had given the children to the Weasleys so they could come in a show of support.

The Leaky Cauldron had been magically expanded to contain over 100 bakers and their wares. He sat, slumped in the chair as Pauline fussed over her table which contained a vast chocolate cake, pumpkin cheesecake, and enough cupcakes of various colours and flavours to send anyone into diabetic coma.

“Do you think I should use a preservative spell?” she asked anxiously. “I mean they’re best when they’re all moist, but I find it gives it a bit of an after-taste.”

“Yeah,” he muttered half-heartedly in response. He knew how important this contest was for Pauline, the 10,000 Galleon prize would be enough for her to start her own bakery, and he really did care about whether or not she used the preservative spells. Unfortunately, last night had not been one of the nights where he was able to grab one or two hours of sleep, neither was the night before. The nightmares now played in his head whenever he let his mind wander and he could barely walk around let alone deal with conversation.

“Honey? Are you alright?” she asked softly, appearing in front of him all the sudden. Her eyes were crinkled in gentle concern and she had a spot of pink frosting on her nose.

“Just tired. You’re going to be wonderful, I’ve never had cake as good as yours,” he said pulling her on to his lap by the back of her knees.

“You’re just saying that,” she said, even as she blushed a little with pride. He reached up and kissed the bit of frosting of the tip of her nose.

“I’m most certainly am not,” he said. It was true. He never had much of a sweet-tooth but he could never resist her baking.

“Do you get extra points for PDA?” said James from where he was standing in front of the booth with Lily. Pauline whipped around so fast that her hair smacked Severus in the face. James reached for one of the cupcakes on the display.

“NO!” yelped Pauline, at the same time Lily smacked his hand away.

“The strawberry ones are my favourite,” whined James, practically salivating at the sight of all the treats. They had chosen to leave the children at home so they wouldn’t become unbearable machines of sugar, it seemed like leaving James at home might have been a wise decision as well.

“Oh go on then. Just one, and take the one from the back that looks a little sad,” Pauline said. James obeyed and stuffed it gratefully into his mouth.

“Mmmm,” he said, with his mouth full. “If you don’t win, Lily will sue someone for you.” Lily smirked a little at that.

“You’re going to do great, Paul, really,” she said, leaning over to squeeze Pauline’s hand. Pauline smiled nervously and squeezed Lily’s hand back tightly.

“Attention everyone I am Dedalus Periwinkle, one of the judges here today. Each of you were given three slips of parchment on the way in. Your job as guests is to try as many cakes and pastries as possible. On your way out, you will write your top three bakers on the parchment and place it in here,” said Dedalus, a portly man with a handle-bar moustache. He tapped an old looking stove with his wand and it started to roar with flames. Severus started involuntarily at the sight.

“Contestants are reminded that only one baker is allowed behind the stand at all times, and to have a good time. Let the eating begin!” Severus pulled himself out of his chair from behind Pauline’s chair and kissed her quickly on the forehead.

“You’re going be wonderful,” he whispered, getting a nervous smile in response. James and Lily hugged her and wished her well and pulled away from the booth, allowing it to be swarmed by hungry witches and wizards.  

“Oh treacle tarts. I’m going to grab one for Harry,” said Lily immediately getting lost in the crowds and leaving Severus alone with James.

“How have you been?” James asked after a moment.

“Fine,” Severus said turning around.

“You haven’t returned any of my calls, or owls.” James said softly when he was close enough to talk in a low tone.

“We’re not dating, Potter,” Severus muttered sourly in response. “I am not obligated to keep you updated on the goings on in my life.” Instead of stiffening the sharp words, there was a softness to James’ expression that looked an awful lot like pity.

“I’m just worried about you. I don’t like the thought of you having an attack like that all alone,” said James, touching Severus’ arm in an attempt to keep him from moving through the crowd.

For some reason, Severus remembered that day on the grounds after he called Lily a Mudblood and James had taken off his trousers. Not the attack itself, he had long reconciled Hogwarts-James and this James, but the walk back up to the castle afterwords. The dreadful loneliness that had set in then and hadn’t lifted until after Voldemort’s death. It washed over him again now.

“I have been taking care of myself since I was a child. I certainly don’t need you to fix everything for me,” snapped Severus, feeling a mad desire to shove James. There was a flicker or fear and surprise on James’ face, as though he too had seen the consideration of violence, and he nodded tightly. With a savage feeling of satisfaction, Severus shoved through the crowd, leaving James in his wake.

For a while, it was fine. He checked on Pauline’s booth, which already had a large line-up, and went in search of the candy-makers to find some liquorice, but the crowd was just getting thicker and thicker.

It was like they were purposefully trying to converge on him. As person after person knocked into him with Voldemort’s face, Severus felt his tenuous hold on his sanity slip and all he wanted was to go home. He didn’t even care about the baking contest anymore. He’d find a way to force Pauline to take his money for the bakery if he could just leave.

He tried to apparate, but between his ragged breathing and the building panic, he couldn’t focus his magic enough to summon a teacup, let alone fly through the air. The tiny bit of his mind that was clinging to rationality knew that he was fine, he was at baking competition having a nice time, and Pauline was there and everything was fine. Unfortunately, this tiny part was being rapidly taken over by blind, irrational panic. He had to leave. No matter what he had to leave. A hand landed on his shoulder.

“Sev?” James said softly.

“I can’t - I -” Severus trailed off, his breaths coming in short, panicked bursts as he tried to find the words. James gave him a cursory glance, then nodded in understanding.

“Alright, that’s alright. Come with me. I’ve got you,” said James calmly, placing a hand on Severus’ back to lead him through the crowds. For once, Severus was more than happy to give over control, and didn’t offer a word of protest as James hustled him through the crowd to a small utility closet.

The cupboard was damp and smelled like mildew, and Severus saw Voldemort’s lair every time he closed his eyes. Someone touched his shoulder and he flinched violently.

“It’s me, Sev,” James said. “Open your eyes and look at me, ok?” Severus did what he was told and found himself sitting on an overturned rubbish bin, James crouched in front of him with a look of concern.

“Do you know where you are?” James’ asked, taking Severus’ wrist to check his pulse.

“Bake show,” he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut in embarrassment. When he did so, a roll of nausea passed through him, and for some reason he smelled his own burning flesh. “I smelled…”

“It wasn’t real,’ James soothed. “You’re alright.” The words had just started to calm him slightly, when suddenly the door swung open. Severus started so badly he nearly fell off the garbage can.

“It’s alright, it’s just Lily,” said James hurriedly.

“Pauline is - Sev -What the hell is going on?” Lily asked her voice shifting from anger to concern. James whispered the afternoons events to Lily, but Severus wasn’t listening. There was a bigger concern on his mind. Polly - Polly couldn’t see him like this. He’d ruin this huge, important day for her.

“Sev, sweetheart” whispered Lily softly, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“She can’t know,” Severus said suddenly. Her big green eyes stood out like a radium dial in the closet, they creased in sympathy and she nodded.

“Alright. Don’t you worry about that,” she said gently. She exchanged a few more words that Severus couldn’t quite follow with James and left the cupboard.

“As soon as you calm down enough to apparate, I’ll take you home, ok?” James said, taking Severus’ wrist again. “Just take deep breaths. You’re safe, alright? I promise I won’t let anything bad happen.”

“You won’t go?” Severus asked before he realized how childish the words were.

“No, buddy. I’m right here with you,” James promised, taking Severus’ other wrist as though he was trying to prove the point.

“ ‘m sorry, for being a jerk,” muttered Severus. He had dodged the man and blown off his concerns for days and now the poor guy was stuck sitting in a smelly cupboard with him.

“You’ve had a rough few days it seems,” said James gently. “I’m just worried about you, mate.”

“’It’s stupid,” Severus said, the calm awareness was able to take over his brain and he could almost filter what he said.

“Hey - hey it’s not stupid, alright? You were tortured, drugged. It’s normal to need some time to get over that. Anyone would,” James said firmly squeezing Severus’ shoulder.

Severus just shook his head negatively, but as he did so his shoulders started shaking. With a sigh, James rested his hand softly between his shoulder blades.

“Everything’s going to be ok,” James whispered, not removing his hand. They sat in silence for a long few moments.

“I just wanna go home,” Severus whispered finally.

“Alright, hold my arm,” James said. Severus was about to protest at the indignity of having to apparate with assistance, but he found he didn’t have the energy. He grabbed James’ arms tightly, and they sailed through a tight hole in the air. When they hit the ground in the middle of the Potter’s living room, the force of apparation plus Severus’ general shakiness made him stumble badly, but James’ arm held him up firmly and steered him to a chair.

“When was the last time you actually slept?” James asked in that same kind, concerned voice that grated on Severus’ nerves so mercilessly. Without bothering to reply, Severus scoffed and dropped his head to his hands.

In a few minutes, James was pressing a hot cup of tea into Severus’ hand. Mindlessly, Severus sipped at it.

“Sev, if you want, you can talk to me about it,” James said]. For the first time that night, Severus’ black eyes met James’ concerned hazel ones. “Or we don’t have to talk about it, we could just sit and talk about something else. I just - I feel like you  think I’m going to think less of you or something because of this. And that’s just not true, you’ve been through hell. No one expects you to be ok, or to deal with this alone. You’re not alone.”

“I’m not some broken down pathetic thing,” Severus said, the embarrassment beginning to turn into anger.

“We’re all a little broken,” James seriously. “There is no shame in that, Sev. Let us help you get through this”

Severus didn’t have that thing that James did. That confidence built from years of loving parents and good friends had made him so secure that he never took emotion as weakness.

Severus had seen the man cry openly over a book without the slightest hint of embarrassment, and whenever Harry, who was just getting old enough to care about his tears, was upset, James always assured the little boy that there was no weakness in tears.

Severus was the opposite. He still remembered his father smacking him across the face, sending blood everywhere after seeing him cry. He learned early that revealing emotion was simply showing someone a way to hurt him.

“Sev, are you alright?” James said gently, after a few moments. The hot tea had cut through the remaining fear from the attack and anger at James, now he just felt deeply tired and weary.

“I can’t sleep,” he grumbled, finally. This all felt like an oppressive weight on his chest. “Even with Dreamless Sleep. Every time I close my eyes…” He trailed off.

“You’re safe,” said James. “And you can stay here for as long as you want. You know that right?” Severus started a little at that. He hadn’t even realize that when he said he wanted to go home, James took him back to the Potter Estate instead of Hogwarts. Severus’ face flushed red.

“That’s completely unnecessary, Potter,” he muttered.

“Yeah, I know,” James said with a little smirk. “But you should stay anyways.”

“You look done in, Sev,” James said before Severus could protest, waving his wand to summon a potion.  “Here’s some Dreamless Sleep. Go take it and get some sleep. I’m going to get the kids, pick up some dinner, when I come back, we’ll figure something out, alright?” said James, with that same odd tenderness in his voice that made Severus feel somehow both ten times better and worse at the same time.

“I -”

“Sev, go to bed,” James said firmly. Severus scowled at James, but James just smiled back and jerked his head towards the guest bedroom door. There was no arguing with the man, finally he nodded.

Two hours later, Severus had showered, changed into sweatpants and was lying on top of the covers desperately trying to fall asleep when there was a gentle knock at the door.

“Come in,” he muttered. The moment he said it, the door sprang open and Harry and Amelia bolted to the bed.

“Uncle Sev!” they exclaimed in unison. Faintly, Severus smiled and hugged them each in turn. Avoiding James meant avoiding them, and it was good to see their happy, chubby faces.

“Are you sick?” asked Harry. Before Severus could reply, he pressed his hand to Severus’ forehead with an extremely serious expression that mirrored James’ perfectly.

“I’m fine, monkey,” Severus said softly. Harry pursued his lips in disapproval.

“You look tired,” Harry said softly, pushing the hair off Severus’ forehead like a worried parent. “Are you tired?”

“A little, but I’ll be ok,” Severus said, cupping the boy’s small cheek. “Did you have fun at the Weasley’s?” he asked. Harry nodded and proceeded to cuddle up on Severus’ shoulder.

“Uncle Sev, can you read me a story?” Amelia asked, curling up on Severus’ other side. Severus yawned and summoned a book with a flick of his wand. Just as he was about to open the book, the door swung open to reveal James standing with a large bowl of chilli.

“Hey! What did I say?” James said, looking genuinely angry.

“To leave Uncle Severus alone,” muttered Harry.

“Exactly, out, now,” James said sternly, throwing an apologetic look to Severus.

“But Daddy - but Daddy, I wanna story!” said Amelia.

“No -”

“It’s alright, Potter,” Severus said, just as the other man opened his mouth to explode at the children. James pursed his lips for a moment then levitated the chilli over to Severus’ lap.

“Alright, compromise, you let Uncle Sev eat, and I’ll read you the story, ok?” The kids nodded, and Severus happily started to munch on his overly-large bowl of chilli.

The story was some silly thing about a duck and a river. The kids had settled themselves comfortably at his side with their thumbs in their mouth.

He was still groggy from the dose of Dreamless Sleep he had earlier, and after a few moments, they were snoring and he was fighting to keep his eyes open. He didn’t even realize James had stopped read until he felt him slide the tray of chilli off his lap. He blinked his eyes open. Harry’s mop of hair was tucked under Severus’ chin and Amelia was snoring with her hand clutching his shirt.

“Sorry,” James whispered, sending the tray away with a flick of his wrist.

“S’okay,” muttered Severus. James reached down to pick up Harry, but Severus found himself unwilling to let the little warm weight on his chest go. James didn’t pull the boy away again.

“I wish you’d have told me things were this bad,” whispered James. Severus blinked awake and looked at James’ heavy serious face.

“Yeah? What’d you’ve done?” slurred Severus. James shrugged and smiled.

“I don’t know. I’d have made you feel better. I do it all the time,” he said with a smirk. Severus rolled his eyes, unable to stop himself from chuckling.

“Sleep well,” James said, pulling the blanket up over Harry’s shoulders and pushing Amelia’s hair behind her ear.  Severus was warm from the chilli, comfortable under the thick blankets and felt more secure than he would ever admit under the Potters' roof. Before the door closed behind James, Severus had already drifted off to sleep.

XxxxXXXxxxxXX

Severus hated being late. He was one of those men that believed that you should be five minutes early for everything, including grabbing a beer at the Leaky Cauldron, so running ten minutes behind to see his Godson off for his first day of school made him extremely anxious.

“Potter!” Severus said running through the crowds of parents to where James stood with Harry, Amelia and Sirius. Harry was wearing a neat little school uniform with a blue sweater, blue and grey stripped tie and grey pants. He looked like a little tax accountant. Severus couldn’t help but laugh as the boy ran towards him.

“Look at you, monkey,” said Severus, opening his arms just as Harry jumped at him.

“I’m going to school!” Harry said excitedly. With a smile, Severus boosted the child further up his hip and walked over to James and the other children.

“Are you excited?” asked Severus a little unnecessarily. Harry nodded vigorously, looking as wired as he did the time he and Amelia ate a dozen of Pauline’s cupcakes.  With an approving smile, Severus pressed a kiss to the mop of errant hair.

“Morning Sev,” James said with a smile, clapping him on the back.

“Sorry I’m late,” Severus replied as they walked into the classroom.

“Uncle Sev,” Amelia said blinking her big eyes at him. “Are you the smartest man in the world?” James rolled his eyes, and Severus grinned inwardly, suddenly remembering why he loved these grubby little children so much.

“Why do you ask?”

“Cause you’re a teacher,” Amelia said reasonably. “You gotta know everything if you’re a teacher cause you gotta teach people stuff.”

“I know a lot about a little,” he explained, taking her hand and walking towards Harry’s classroom.

The school was just for Wizarding children, and a feet away Molly Weasley was fussing over Ron, who too was a neat, new uniform.  

“Millie stay close,” James yelled as she ran over to where Ginny was standing beside Ron and his mother. Behind them, Narcissa Malfoy was kissing her pale son, the carbon copy of his father, goodbye. Severus met her eyes and a deep coldness went through him, and he instinctively held Harry a little tighter.

“Daddy! Look at all the toys,” Harry said squirming out of Severus’ arms. James allowed himself to be pulled to the nearest, bright table. Severus and James sat beside him and watched while the boy giggled and played with the magical toys. James flicked his wand at a dragon that flew around Harry’s head. Sirius reached up for it with his pudgy arms and giggled. With another wave of James’ wand the dragon disappeared.

“Ok pet, Uncle Sev and I are going to go now, alright?” James said, smoothing the back of Harry’s hair. Both Severus and James watched Harry tightly for the first sign of upset, but he just happily started scribbling on his drawing paper.

“Ok, Daddy,” he said brightly, not even looking up. James looked at Severus, a little startled, then back down at his son.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You have everything you need?” James asked. Harry just nodded again.

“And Mommy will be here to pick you up,” James said in a soothing tone.

“Mhmm, Daddy, can I go play with Ernie, now?” Harry asked pointing to where the chubby McMillan boy was stacking blocks in the corner.

“Sure, of course. Go have fun,” James said. “I love you, monkey.”

“Love you too Dad. Love you, baby” Harry said pulling at Sirius’ hand with a little laugh, Sirius giggled and smiled a gummy smile up at Harry. Harry hugged James fleetingly, than hugged Severus. There was an odd sort of nostalgia as he took the small boy in his arms. It seemed that he was far too young to be left with strangers.

“You be good,” Severus whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Harry said pulling back. He looked at them both, then smiled sweetly.

“Don’t worry, Daddy. I’ll be home soon,” he said, giving James another kiss on the cheek. This made James laugh and he nodded the boy in the direction of Ernie.

“Thanks, lovey, I’ll be fine. Go play,” he said. With a final broad smile and a wave, Harry skipped off to the corner without a backwards glance.  Severus and James sat and watched Harry with identical gapping expressions. It wasn’t supposed to be this easy.

“Ready, Potter?” Severus said after a few moments. James nodded, a little bemused and boosted Sirius further up on his hip

“Yeah, alright, let’s get Millie,” he muttered. Molly was still in the back of the classroom, talking to Ron who was having a much more difficult time with the separation than Harry had.

“Really dear, it’ll be nice. Don’t you want to go play with Harry?” Molly cajoled. This was the sixth time she had seen her children off to school, and she gave James and Severus and unfussed smile as they approached.

“Don’t want you to go,” said Ron stubbornly, sticking by his mother’s side and winding a hand into her robes. Molly patted his hair gently.

“Hey Ron,” said James kneeling in front of the boy. “I was hoping you could do me a favour.” The boy sniffed but unstuck his forehead from his Mom’s robes.

“Well, Harry doesn’t have any big brothers like you do, and I was kind of hoping you’d keep an eye on him for me and make sure that he’s doing ok?” Ron rubbed his eyes and blinked back at James warily. After a moment, Ron nodded his assent, and let go of Molly’s robe. Molly smiled at him and gently pushed him further into the classroom beside Harry.

“Daddy can I go play with Ginny?” Amelia asked. James blinked, taken aback for a moment because Amelia never asked to go anywhere but home or the library, then nodded.

“Sure, pet, if it’s alright with Mrs. Weasley,” James said.

“We’d be delighted. Well come along then, let’s make sure Fred and George haven’t swapped identities again,” said Molly taking both girls’ hands and leading them away. It was just James, Severus and the baby, and James looked more than a little lost.

“Come on, Potter, time to go,” Severus said clapping him on the shoulder.

“Just a moment,” James said pulling Severus by the arm into the cloak room. Between the slats of the cubbies, they could see the new kindergarteners at work. Ron and Harry were sharing crayons and giggle. There was no hint of the redhead’s earlier worry.

“Are you serious?” hissed Severus.

“I just want to make sure he’s ok,” James said peering with one eye through the opening. “He might not really get that I’ve gone.”

Severus refrained from mentioning how bad two men spying on a bunch of little children looked, and huffed.  Minutes passed, and Harry continued to play contentedly and soon, only the parents of the most shy and distraught children remained.

“I’m going,” Severus said finally. James nodded a little morosely, his eyes still on Harry.  Severus sighed, he couldn’t just leave the man standing in a cloakroom like this.

“You can’t tell me you honestly hoped he’d throw a tantrum,” said Severus.

“Maybe just a few tears,” James muttered.

“Potter, he’s not upset, because he knows you’ll be there when he needs you. This is a good thing,” Severus said, gentling his tone slightly. James sighed and conceded the point with a nod of his head.

“Polly needs help at the bakery, now are you going to stay in the cloakroom like a creep, or are you going to come help?” asked Severus. James threw one more furtive look in Harry’s direction, then nodded.

They apparated to Pauline’s little stone bakery to find her bursting out parts of the wall in anger. The wall shattered near them as they entered, and James immediately turned the stroller to protect Sirius, and ran over Severus’ foot.

“Oh I’m sorry!” Pauline said as Severus glared at James. “How was Harry’s first day of school?”

“He was fine. What the hell is going on in here?” James asked marvelling at the disaster of a space.

“Apparently, there is a problem with the plumbing!” she said, throwing another curse at the wall. “And I’m trying to fix it.”

Pauline had used the money she had won in the baking competition to start a bakery, she had found the perfect, charming stone shop. It was right off of Diagon Alley, and had been Wizard Owned since 1101 when Claudious Wright had set up a blacksmith shop. Unfortunately, the character came with a price.

The previous owners - a high-end apothecary - had sold because the building was on its last legs, falling down and in need of a complete remodel. Pauline had been so wowed by the hundred year old walls stone and creaky wooden floors, that she had happily taken on the challenge. She had bitten off more than she could chew. The industrial sized oven she needed could barely fit, the floor was rotting and needed to be pulled up and the place needed new paint, new windows, not to mention a counter top and seating. Even with magic it was taking forever.

“Well here, let me help,” offered James, giving the baby and the stroller to Severus. The plumbing problem turned out to be minor, and was fixed as soon as Pauline found the damaged pipe, but James seemed to be actually interested in the bakery. He helped debate oven sizes, worked out cost-benefit analysis on hiring numbers. and asked a lot of questions about the bakery that Polly only had vague answers to. Severus got to play with the baby, which was a lot more fun, and he was currently making snakes appear from his wand for Sirius to crawl after.

“How do you know all this stuff?” Pauline asked.

“My Dad mostly,” said James. “Look you’re doing great. It isn’t easy.”

“I just wanted to bake, and sell what I baked,” Pauline said, running a hand through her long hair.  “The rest of this stuff, I’m not sure if it’s me. When I got my first pay-check at eighteen, I spent it all on clothes and didn’t have money to pay my rent.”

“It’s just a matter of organization, and planning,” offered James. “You’ll be fine. You have a great product.” Pauline looked at James thoughtfully for a long moment.

Severus levitated one of the snakes in the air and Sirius giggled and reached up for it on his knees. Then without warning. he stood up and took his first hesitant step.

“JAMES,” Severus yelped in excitement. James turned around from the table to see Sirius shakily standing on his two feet. One hand was in his mouth like he was blinking around as if confused by what the big deal was, and James and Pauling were already clamouring to their feet.

“Come on,” Severus said extending his arms to the baby. It was only about two steps, but Sirius unstuck one foot from the ground, as though it was in glue, then another. He reached his chubby little arms out for Severus and promptly stopped trying to hold himself up the moment Severus had a good hold on him. With a laugh Severus swept him up into the air over his head.

“What a big boy,” Pauline cooed.

“Good job!”  said James, reaching his arms out for Sirius. Severus passed him over.

“Look at you, you can walk!” continued James, sounding genuinely awed. Sirius just giggled and pushed his face into James’ shoulder. With a smile, James kissed the boy on the head then turned back to Pauline.

“I’m getting in the way here, and he needs a nap,” James said shuffling the baby up further into his arms.

“James,” Pauline said “I have a proposal for you.” James raised an eyebrow and looked curiously over Sirius’ head.

“How would you like to be my partner?” she asked opening her arms a little as if to showcase the little stone room. James blinked, stunned.

“Uh - I have never owned a business before,” James said. “And I have the children.” Pauline shrugged with a little smirk. Severus turned around to follow the conversation.

“I have the never owned a business before either, and you can bring the kids with you whenever you need,” she said.

“And they’re growing up,” Severus added softly, remembering the look on James’ face when Harry ran into class brimming with confidence and independence.

“Alright,” James said looking around the bakery. “Why the hell not?”

James buying into the partnership left the bakery with a considerable amount of galleons, and weeks later, James had managed to hire staff, fix the bakery and create a business plan that contained more than “bake cakes”. Pauline had designed the entire bakery in robins egg blue and hardwood, and soon there was nothing to do but open the doors.

“Thanks for reminding me about my umbrella,” Pauline said as she tapped her wand to the door and walked in. Severus just tilted his head in acknowledgement and entered into the room. His hand was clenched in his pocket around a small box. She skipped over to the umbrella holder and grabbed it out.  

“I hope it goes well tomorrow,” she whispered, wrapping an arm around her stomach and looking around the bakery.

“It will,” he said with genuine feeling. “Look at this place it’s incredible.” She bit the nail of her thumb nervously, and continued to scan the bakery, as though trying to determine whether or not something was out of place.

“And if it doesn’t, you’ll still have me, always if you want,” Severus promised, his heart thumbing in his chest as he pulled out James’ great-grandmother’s ring, which he had been carrying around for weeks. Her eyes widened and she clapped her hands over her mouth.

“Will you marry me?” Severus whispered. The floor felt extremely hard underneath his knee. Her eyes flooded with tears and for the briefest moment, he didn’t know whether it was because she was happy or sad. Then she nodded and threw her arms around his neck nearly knocking him on the floor.

“Yes,” she said, more ecstatic than Severus expected. “Of course, yes!”  

XxxXX

“Now, can anyone explain to me what the difference between a ghost and a poltergeist is?” Severus asked, scanning his eyes over the little second-years, a few of them dropped their eyes, some shrunk back in their chair. Severus sighed.

“What is a ghost?” he asked, breaking the question down into smaller pieces for them. Hesitantly, Madeline, one of his brighter students, raised her hand half-way in their air.

“Yes, Miss Brewer.”

“A ghost is an impression of someone’s soul,” Severus nodded, and turned towards the board.

“Close. A ghost - ” A knock on the door stopped him, and he and the entire class turned around in surprise. His fifth-year prefect, Annabelle Grunning, was standing at the door, anxiously.

“Miss Grunning,” Severus said in surprise. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, sir. It’s only -” She trailed off and gently pulled Harry by the hand into the doorway. For a moment, Severus could just stare at the little, red-faced five-year old, and Harry stared back at him, his lip quivering.

“Harry?” Severus said in surprise “What -” He looked around at the entire class of second-years who were watching the interaction with growing interest.

“Class, read pages 23-47. Any talking or trouble-making and you will lose 20 points for your house” Severus said with a scowl, already walking over toward Harry.

“He came through the floo,” Annabelle said as Severus approached. Harry continued to stare at the floor. A gnawing sense of unease started to rise up through his gut.

“Thank you Miss Grunning. 15 points to Slytherin. I can take it from here,” Severus said, kneeling down in front of Harry. She nodded and walked back to class.

“Harry?” The little boy still didn’t look at him. “Hare-bear?” Severus continued softly, raising the boy’s chin. His eyes, newly magnified under his wire-rimmed glasses that looked exactly like his father’s, were red, and his face was pale.

“What’s wrong, lovey?” Severus said, beginning to feel quite genuinely worried at the look on the boy’s face. For a moment, he had a horrid image of James or Lily dead on the floor of Potter Manor.

“I ran away,” said Harry tremulously, jutting his chin out. Severus blinked at the little boy in front of him.

“You ran away?” he asked blandly. Harry nodded a little proudly, even as his lip continued to quiver.

“Did you happen to tell Mommy or Daddy that you ran away?” Severus asked softly, his stomach dropping when Harry shook his head negatively. With a sigh, Severus reached down and picked the toddler up. He rested his head on Severus’ shoulder with a large sniff.

“Shhh,” he said, rubbing Harry’s back. “It’s ok, love.” He turned around to the rest of the class.

“You all are dismissed for the rest of this period,” he said, trying not to roll his eyes as the students immediately burst out in excited whispers while they packed up. Without another word, he walked down the halls to his quarters.

When he brought the children to Hogwarts, they stayed mostly in the Slytherin dorms getting fussed over by the students while Severus worked. That plus the fact that his high standards and disdain for mediocrity made many of the students wary of him, caused a few students to look at him curiously as he walked through the hallways carrying a small child.

The door to his quarters came into view quickly and he whispered the password and carried Harry inside, who at five was beginning to get quite heavy.

“Do you want some cookies?” asked Severus. He never indulged in them himself but they were useful bribes for upset students.  Surprisingly, Harry shook his head no and buried himself further into Snape’s arms.

“Ok, I’ve gotta tell your Daddy where you are. He’s going to be missing you,” Severus said, setting Harry down on the couch.

“NO!” Harry exclaimed, looking as though he was about to burst into tears again. Severus had no doubt that James was literally losing it already, but he had long since learned that Harry’s tear-stained chubby cheeks had a massive manipulative effect on him.

“Why not? Don’t you want him to know that you’re ok?” Severus asked gently, sitting himself down on the coffee table across from Potter. The tiniest built of guilt showed in Harry’s wide eyes, but he just gave a half-hearted shrug.

“He doesn’t care. No one does,” whispered Harry, tears starting to well up in his eyes again.

“Harry, that’s not true,” Severus replied, brushing a tear off of Harry’s cheek. “What happened?”

“Daddy was supposed to take me flying but he didn’t cause the stupid baby won’t stop crying, and Mommy was supposed to read me stories but she doesn’t read me any stories any more, she just falls asleep in Amelia’s bed after reading her stories!” said Harry indignantly. “I want new parents.”

Severus knew there was no point in explaining to Harry that Lily got up at five to go to work and argued all day so she was utterly exhausted by the time she got home, or the fact that James had to be just as concerned about Sirius’ well-being as Harry’s. Sometimes it just sucked to be the oldest child.

“Come here,” Severus said sitting on the couch beside the little boy and pulling him on to his lap. Harry gratefully curled up into Severus’ stomach and promptly stuck his thumb in his mouth, a habit Lily had been desperately trying to get him to kick. He should batt the thumb away, and let James know that Harry was still alive, but he knew that the boy likely had precious time to sit quietly on someone’s lap as of late. The world could wait a moment.

Severus ran a hand over the boy’s hair and kissed his head

“Your parents love you very much, Harry,” Severus said as gently as he could.  Harry sniffed and shrugged again miserably.  

“Come on. I’ve gotta take you home,” Severus said softly, standing up with the toddler in his arms.

“No,” Harry whispered in vague protest, but Severus took them both into the fireplace anyways.  “The Potters'.” The spun through the fireplace and Severus tightened his grip on Harry, just to make sure he wouldn’t drop him even though he never had before. Fireplaces whipped by them and a moment later they landed hard in the Potter’s fireplace.

The living room was overrun with toys, and pasta was boiling over on the stove, no one was home and the door was open. James knew. Severus felt a sudden swirl of guilt for the moment he spent cuddling Harry. He swirled his wand at the stove, causing the pasta to stop boiling.

“James?” Severus called, nearly tripping over a doll as he walked out of the living room towards the stairwell. Realizing it was futile, he swirled his wand again, sending a Patronus out after James with the message that Harry was ok.

“Alright, we’re home,” Severus letting Harry down to the messy living room floor. He had never seen the Potters’ house look quite this messy. Having three children under 6 was clearly taking their toll. Severus began to send dishes and glasses to the sink with a wave of his wand.

“Come on, let’s pick up these toys,” Severus said to Harry, picking up Amelia’s pink doll and a bunch of blocks. Harry morosely joined in taking his action figures up off the ground.

“HARRY? HARRY!” yelled James suddenly from the back door. He came running in with Sirius in one hand while he dragged Amelia with the other. When he saw Harry, he quickly placed Sirius in the playpen and ran over.

“Harry!” James said, dropping to his knees in front of his son and grabbing his shoulders. “Are you ok? Are you hurt anywhere?” Harry shook his head, and James breathed in relief and grabbed him into a tight hug.

“He went to see you at Hogwarts?” James asked, looking up to Severus over Harry’s shoulder. Severus nodded. James sighed in relief again and kissed the top of Harry’s tousled head “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Potter,” Severus said, taking in the man’s haggard expression. With a blink, James turned back to Harry, his concern giving way to anger.

“What were you thinking?” James said harshly. Predictably, Harry retreated further from the angry voice and dropped his head. Realizing he wasn’t getting anywhere with the anger, James sighed and cupped Harry’s cheek.

“Hare-bear, you can’t just run off like that,” James said gently. “Do you know how scared I was?” Sirius pulled himself up in the playpen and started to cry. Instinctively, James turned around at the sound. It would have crushed Harry if James went to the baby right now so Severus waved him back quickly and walked over to the playpen.

“Hi baby,” whispered Severus. “What’s the matter? Huh?” He picked the tiny one-year-old out of the playpen and turned to Amelia who was watching James talk to Harry with her customary serious expression.

“Come on, it’s ok. Let’s go play.” Severus said trying to reassure the child. He had no idea how she got so serious living in a house with James and Lily, but she quietly walked over to him and gave him her hand.

Soon, Severus was lounging on the deck chair, half-asleep with Sirius dozing on his chest while Amelia ran around the yard chasing a magical frog. It was nice to escape Hogwarts and classes. Sometimes it was hard to remember that a whole world existed outside of those walls. He was contemplating never getting out of the chair when Harry sped by him to join Amelia in the garden.

“Is everything ok?” Severus asked as James sat down beside him and handed him a glass of mead. James smiled wryly.

“Aside from being the most negligent father in the world,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

“Come now,” Severus scoffed. “You’re a great father.”

“There’s only one of me though. They gang-up on me. I swear they’re trying to drive me insane,” James said with a wry smile.

“Why don’t Polly and I take Millie and Sirius this weekend?” Severus asked. “The students love having the little ones around and you and Lily can get some sleep, play with Harry, relax.” James looked skeptically at Severus.

“You know Sirius cries all through the night. He is literally programmed to go off the moment you close your eyes,” James said.

“I have spent many a night with your children and all of us survived,” said Severus “And you clearly need a break,” Severus said looking at James dishevelled appearance. “Let me take them. I want to.”

“Alright,” James conceded swigging his meed. “We’re lucky to have you.”  James summoned a small, blue blanket and laid it gently over Sirius, resting his hand on the baby’s head for a moment. After a moment James chuckled and sat back in his chair.

“What’s funny?” asked Severus.

“Lily’s pregnant,” James said. Severus blinked at him in surprise, then burst out laughing.