Severus hurried from one shadowed entrance to another, looking over his shoulder as he went. It was unnecessary. The late October sun had set early on Hogsmeade, and even though it was Halloween, no one was out except a witch in a pink cloak. The moment she noticed him, she picked up her pace and crossed the street.

He turned right off of the main road to a tree-lined lane, which was lit only by the flickering candlelight in some of the flat windows. A shabby, Victorian-looking building with a slanted, chain-link fence stood a block away. Severus broke out into a jog towards it.

The townhouses were old, white-washed brick with identical metal doors. He ran to the door with the iron number 9 and knocked insistently, looking over his shoulder as he did. No one answered.

“Black!” hissed Severus. “Open the door.” No response. Severus wasn’t really expecting one.  Still, he pounded on the door harder. There was no time for this.

“Black,” he called as loud as he dared. He couldn’t hear the creak of footsteps, but he could feel someone’s presence on the other side of the door. With another look over his shoulder, he pressed himself up against the door.

“Pettigrew told,” Severus said, as loudly as he dared. Severus was about to break down the door, but after a second, it creaked open. One of Sirius’ grey eyes glared out at him, and his wand was raised through the slit in the door.

“Snape?” whispered Sirius, the disgust in his voice was dampened only by anxiety. “What do you mean?”

“He’s the spy,” Severus hissed. Sirius look truly stunned for a moment, then the wide eyes narrowed into suspicion.

“Why are you here? Why are you telling me this?” asked Sirius, not moving to open the door further. Severus stared back at him for a moment.

“The Potters are in danger, why does it matter why I’m here?” Severus snapped back furiously. Sirius considered him for a moment, debating whether or not he was walking into a trap.

“There isn’t much time, Black,” Severus said, fully impatient now. He could see concern for the Potters start to outweigh Black’s concern about being led into a trap. Just as Severus was about to drag the man out of the door, he stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

“You stay here. I’ll go alone,” said Sirius, still pointing his wand at Severus’ throat.

“You don’t trust me?” Severus asked with a mocking smile that he immediately regretted. He probably shouldn’t be aggravating the man.

“Not with the Potters,” Sirius said, as he walked down the path to the gate.

“Do you think I’d be here if this was a one-man job? You won’t be able to save them alone,” hissed Severus. The two men stared at each other unable to solve the dilemma of needing each others alliance while deeply distrusting one another.

“Do I need to beg, Black?” Severus said, allowing an uncharacteristic thread of emotion to enter his voice. The slight moment of vulnerability did what no amount of rationalizing could, and Sirius lowered his wand. It would have taken more to convince Severus, but for once he was satisfied with the Gryffindor penchant to play the hero.

“If anything happens to James, Lily, or Harry, I’ll kill you,’ promised Sirius, and Severus had no doubt it was true.

“If anything happens to them, it’s because I’m already dead,” Severus spat back. There was such hatred on both men’s faces as they stood, inches away from one another, glaring, that the air literally seemed to crackle. Without warning, Black grabbed Severus’ arms and they soared through the air.

They ended up in front of a large timber-frame cottage, too large to be quaint but still exuding a nauseating amount of charm. The curtains were still open, and Severus could see Lily sitting at the kitchen table pushing her long, red hair behind her ear as she scribbled on a piece of parchment. It felt as though a moment hadn’t passed since the first time he saw her across the park.

“Come on,” said Sirius darkly, looking over his shoulder. He ran up the stairs, with Severus tagging alone at his heels then banged insistently on the doors.

“Prongs! Lily!” a few seconds later, James opened the door with an easy grin.

“Hey Pad - Snape?” said James, the smile falling off of his face. For a moment, James stared at Snape then Sirius, then drew his wand.

“You’re the spy?” he whispered to Sirius, his voice breaking slightly.

“Of course not, you idiot,” snapped Sirius. “But Peter is.” James’ jaw dropped.

“You need to leave, now,” snapped Severus, not having time for this stupidity.

“Peter?” whispered James to Sirius, wounded betrayal and disbelief clear in his voice.

“Honey, who is it?” Lily walked into the entrance, holding her small, blob of a son. Before Severus could do more than blink at her, James’ entire face paled to the horrible colour of rotten milk, and he gripped his wand. Severus whipped around to see a hooded figure, almost gliding up the road. Severus didn’t need to ask who that was.

“Lily, run. Now! Out the back door,” yelled James.

 A bright red light shot out from James’ wand creating a protective barrier. It wasn’t much, but it bought the precious seconds Lily needed to sprint for the back door. The sound of her scream bounced around Severus’ head horribly as he ran backwards, casting every protective curse he could think of along with James and Sirius. Severus could see Voldemort behind their protective curses and was feeling momentarily relieved until the monster suddenly materialized between Lily and the back door, wand raised. She screamed and turned around hiding Harry with her body.

A cold dread filled Severus.

“Flippendo!” he yelled without thinking and Voldemort, who was so obsessed with killing the child in Lily’s arms that he wasn’t paying attention to the three formidable wizards behind him, fell backwards.

“Petificus Totalis” James yelled before Voldemort could get up making him go rigid. Ropes sprang around Voldemort’s limbs from the end of Sirius’ wand. Briefly, Severus considered casting the killing curse, but Dumbledore had told them all long ago it would not have the same effect on the monster.

Regardless, they were out of time. Three black figures appeared onto the lawn that stretched out behind the Potters' cabin. A jet of light went to Sirius’ back and he crumpled to the ground.

“SIRIUS!” yelped James raising his wand and firing back while sliding to his knees beside Sirius. The Deatheater crumpled. Lily was at the edge of the wards, nearly safe, and Severus stunned another Deatheater who looked suspiciously like Avery. Only Bellatrix was left and she turned to run at Lily.

“LILY!” yelled James, leaving Sirius’ side to run towards her with his wand drawn. Bellatrix immediately threw a curse over her shoulder, blasting Potter backwards. She laughed and turned to Lily again, who had stopped instinctively at the sound of James being cursed.

“Expelliamus!” Bellatrix shouted causing Lily to drop the baby in her arms. The baby howled indignantly as Lily screamed and crawled towards him.  Her fingers were inches away from the child when Bellatrix lifted her wand again.

“Avada Kedavra!” yelled Severus without a thought. Bellatrix crumpled to the ground and Lily grabbed Harry to her chest, sobbing convulsively. It was the last thing Severus saw before everything went dark.

A white-hot pain unlike anything Severus had felt before overtook his mind and body. It felt like the muscle was being pulled off of his bones, and he couldn’t think of anything beyond the pain. He tried to scream but nothing came out. He tried to move but couldn’t. Everything was black. Panic started to bleed in to the pain.

“Severus,” said James Potter from somewhere off in the distance. “Can you hear me?” He could, and he tried to say so, but he couldn’t speak. He felt his face contract with the effort but no sound came out.

“Alright, shh it’s ok,” Potter continued. “Can you open your eyes?” Severus blinked open his eyes to see the orange haze of lowered gas lamps, and James Potter’s white face and red-rimmed eyes.

“Potter?” Severus rasped in confusion blinking his sand-filed eyes. “Wha -? Lily?”

“Lily’s fine,” whispered James soothingly “She sat up with you all night and needed to get some sleep, which is why you got stuck with me.” He let out a breath of relief, and tried to sit up, but he couldn’t move. He was in a giant, invisible cast. He strained against the invisible restraints holding him, starting to panic.

“Can’t move,” slurred Severus, trying to explain his predicament.

“I know, you will be able to soon,” James said “It was Dolohov. He got you from behind. By the time Lily and I could get to you…” James trailed off then forced the semblance of a comforting smile on his face.

“The point is you’re going to be fine. You’ve broken a lot of bones, the Healer’s had to regrow some of your nerves and there has been some spinal damage, which is why you’re in a full body bind. But, again, you’re going to be fine.” The only thing more terrifying than waking up paralyzed was waking up paralyzed with James Potter and in a whole lot of pain. He strained again against his lack of movement and felt himself start to hyperventilate.

“Severus,” said James insistently, sitting down on the side of the bed Severus was lying on. “It’s ok. You’re safe. Just breathe, alright?”  With only a moment’s hesitation, James reached out and settled his hand on Severus’ sternum. Shocked at the contact, Severus’ panicked eyes instinctively met James steady hazel ones. He took a deep breath, then another.

“Good,” said James gently. Apparently deciding Severus was relaxed enough, James pressed a vial to Severus’ lips. Severus grunted in displeasure and closed his mouth stubbornly.

“Whe -am I?” muttered Severus, turning his head away from the foreign potion bottle.

“My parent’s old house,” James explained. “It’s well-warded. You’re safe here.” He raised the vial to Snape’s lips again.

“Come on, it’ll help with the pain,” soothed James, as though he was speaking to small child. That was too good an offer to refuse. Reluctantly, Severus drank it down.

“Thank you, Severus,” the man whispered, as the potion started to pull Severus under. “Thank you for my family.”

Severus forced his eyes back open and took in the bedraggled man in front of him with his errant hair, crooked glasses and pale face. The stupid idiot that Lily married who Severus had now saved along with their stupid son.

“Just go,” croaked Severus, with the last of his energy. James removed his hand, looking a little uncertain about leaving. Still, After a moment, he nodded his acquiescence and stood up.

“Lily will be here soon,” James promised softly, just as Severus closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

XXxxxXXXXXxxxx

Something was very wrong. Pain was shooting from Severus’ insides all the way out to his skin. Loudly, he screamed as the cramping in his stomach made his body want to contort in agony, but he couldn’t. He was still held in the body-bind and couldn’t move. The effect was like being burned alive.

“Remus. REMUS!” yelled James. “Get Dumbledore, now.” Severus clenched his eyes shut and ground his teeth together.

“Severus, look at me,” instructed James urgently. “Look at me.”  A cold hand lightly settled on Severus’ forehead, bringing him back to Earth. He groaned and opened his eyes to see James’ face swim in front of him. His eyes were wide and worried.

“Hold on,” said James firmly. “You’re going to be fine.” Footsteps ran in to the room and vaguely Severus encoded someone tearing open his robes and heard Dumbledore’s firm in-control voice.

“We should have seen this before. He’s been cursed. We need to cauterize those boils now.”

“Wait, you’re going to knock him out first aren’t you?” hissed James near his ear. There was a hysterical tint to James’ voice that mirrored Severus’ emotions.

“We can’t.” Dumbledore said firmly. “He has to many potions and spells in his system as is. We’re risking permanent damage already.” James had nothing to say to that. Severus started to shake his head. He would not be tied down and cut open.

“No,” he moaned, turning away as much as he could. All he could do was thrash his head helplessly around.

“It’s alright, Severus,” said James, a little helplessly, reaching up and placing a hand on the top of Severus head in an attempt to both calm and restrain him.

“We’ll cut on three?” asked Remus from further down on the bed. Severus tensed in anticipation and futilely tried to roll away from the wolf’s hands.

“Quitenso!” James said sharply, drawing a curtain in the air that shut out the sound of Remus and Dumbledore’s urgent conversation.

It was better not hearing the sounds of spells and anxiety, and Severus was almost able to pretend the pain was just left over from the torture he endured.

“Thought I told you to go,” Severus gritted out through the pain feeling suddenly embarrassed now that there was nothing but him, James and silence. He bet the man couldn’t wait to tell Lily how Severus had begged. James gave him a tired smile and shook his head.

“I was just outside your room.” Severus blinked at James in confusion.

“Why?” he asked. Before James could answer, something burning hot touched his insides and he let out a blood-curdling scream of pain and terror. He tried to move away but then realized he couldn’t. He was completely paralyzed, helpless.

“Nonononono…stop…please …stopstopstop,” Severus begged. James was practically standing over him speaking urgently, but Severus couldn’t hear him over the blood in his ears. The pain receded slightly, and he began to slowly come back to himself. James was looking down at him in horror. Severus was in so much pain he didn’t care.

“Finite,” whispered James softly, drawing a line from Severus’ hand to his wrist. A tingle pulsed though Severus’ fingers, and he looked at James in confusion.

Before he had a chance to comment, the same white-hot pain came but this time, a calloused hand came into his and unconsciously, Severus gripped it tightly trying to transfer all the tension from his body to the hand.

“You’re almost done. It’s going to be ok,” a soothing voice whispered. It was the same voice that had pulled him out of the painful darkness the first time, and he remembered with horror that the voice was James’. The burst of pain receded and when he opened his eyes, James was starting back down at him: whole and uninjured, a perfect look of concern on his face. Why did he always get to play the hero? Severus dropped the man’s hand, disgusted with himself. It didn’t matter if he was getting tortured, he was not going to hold James’ hand.

“Get out,” Severus said angrily, enough in his head to feel embarrassed. James pursed his lips, looking momentarily like Lily, then making decision, reached forward and took Severus’ hand.

“You saved my life, my family’s lives. You’re part of this family now, whether you like it or not, and I’m not leaving you.” Severus would have responded but another wound was cauterized. The pain from the other wounds were still dully throbbing and the feeling of burning barely receded this time when the spell was taken off. Everything was getting steadily worse and more painful. He didn’t even realize was begging for it to stop until James’ voice, assuring him it was all going to be ok, filtered through his consciousness.

It kept going until so many of the wounds had been cauterized that Severus stomach felt as though someone had laid burning hot coals on his exposed organs. There was no moments of relief anymore just a hand that Severus couldn’t stop gripping.  Bellatrix’s face swam in front of his.

“Filthy half-blood,” Severus was bound up against the wall. He blinked in confusion. Wasn’t he at the Potters'? Bellatrix raised her wand and fire ran through him dragging out the cries.

“You’re almost done. I promise you’re almost done,” said the voice, almost begging. One hand was holding, the other was wiping his face with a wonderfully cool towel. The image was fuzzy, but it looked like a very worried James Potter. He smiled down weakly at Severus.

But then it wasn’t James, as soon as the image came into focus Severus could see clearly that it was Voldemort inches from his face.

“Tell me where the Potters are!” A hot-white heat came from Voldemort’s wand to Severus’ stomach! He felt the urge to vomit rise through him, but Voldemort didn’t let up and neither would Severus.

“Tell me!” the pain increased and Severus was unable to keep himself from vomiting blood and bile everywhere. Feeling minutely better he took in a deep breath.

“Won’t tell - I won’t tell.” repeated Severus. Something cool was wiping his face, making the foul-smell of bile go away. That was odd for Voldemort to do. “Won’t tell - Potters safe - I won’t tell-” One hand was being held fiercely.

“I know you won’t” soothed the voice, sounding upset. “You don’t have to do anything. It’s done. It’s over. You’re safe.” Severus looked around for the owner of the voice and found James again. The man had puke trailing down his robes and Severus belatedly realized he must have hurled all over him. Good. Pain was beginning to make Severus’ eyes swim. He didn’t know why he kept being sent back to Voldemort, but he couldn’t do it again.

“I don’t want to go,” muttered Severus. James looked confused and Severus remembered that they were at the Potter house. Somehow getting transferred back to Voldemort. It didn’t make sense really, but it sort of did. Severus wasn’t sure. He was confused, but it couldn’t happen again. When James was there, Voldemort wasn’t.

“I don’t want to go,” he explained again, more urgently this time, he had to make him understand.

“Ok,” James said absently, pressing the back of his spare hand to Severus’ forehead. “You don’t have to go anywhere.”

He clutched the man’s hand harder for emphasis, trying to get across how important it was. The strength of the grip surprised James who quickly looked back into Severus’ dark, fear-filled eyes. A flicker of understanding passed over the man’s face.

“I’m here,” he said lowly, clutching Severus’ hand back with equal strength. “I won’t go.” James had responded to the request that Severus would never dared to have made and that made him feel vulnerable and exposed. He turned away from the man to stare at the wall, but still James made no move to let go, and Severus couldn’t bear losing his tether to the non-Voldemort world. The weight on his eyelids was getting heavier and heavier and blinking took more and more effort each time. Finally, his eyes blinked shut and stayed that way and his breaths deepened into sleep.

XXXXXXXX

Severus started waking up the next morning with the taste of cotton in his mouth and a dull pain radiating through him. It was the sort of pain he experienced after Voldemort was displeased with his reports, with a sigh, he scrunched his forehead and tried to shuffle to get more comfortable.

“Sev?” asked a soft feminine voice. It sounded so like Lily. Figuring he must have been dreaming about her again, he tried to roll over. Sharp pain blasted through him like the physical equivalent of a fire alarm. He snapped his eyes open, gasped and instinctively grabbed the sheets under him with his hand.

“Shh, it’s ok. Try to relax,” said Lily’s voice gently. It wasn’t just her voice. He could smell the warm, vanilla perfume she had worn since fifth year. When he opened his eyes, she was there, sitting beside him, looking exactly the same as the day he last saw her at Hogwarts graduation. She was wearing sweatpants and a large, Griffyndor sweater. Her red hair was bound up in a ponytail, and her pretty, green eyes were crinkled in concern.

 “Lily?” rasped Severus in disbelief, hating the tight emotion and pain in his voice. He cleared his dry throat. Briefly, he wondered if she was there to tear him a new one for delivering the prophecy and placing her family in danger. She smiled.

“There you are,” she said in an oddly gentle voice. “You need to drink this.” She uncorked a small vial of pain-reliever.

“What? - where? -” he started in confusion looking around him. He wasn’t in his room. The walls around him were a bright, happy blue. Sun streamed in through the open window and he was tucked in to white bed that was considerably larger and more comfortable than his own.

“Drink this first, alright?” Lily said softly, bringing the vial to his lips. He was so confused that he drank down the pain-reliever without comment. Almost as soon as he drank it down, the tight pain in his legs and chest dissipated.  He blinked and sighed. When he opened his eyes again, Lily was still there.

“Better?” she asked kindly. He swallowed thickly, and nodded, still confused about why she was here. Perhaps he was dying and this was some vision his mind made up to comfort him. She reached forward and pushed his errant bangs off of his forehead. His heart leaped at her touch, definitely a vision.

“Am I dying?” he asked stupidly. Her brow furrowed in concern, and she moved from the chair to sit on the side of the bed.

“No, sweetheart,” Lily said softly. Sweetheart?

“You’ve been hurt pretty bad, but you’re going to be fine. Do you remember what happened?” Lily continued. Severus started to remember. Bellatrix’s raised wand, Lily’s screams, Sirius crumbling to the ground in a jet of green light, the painful cutting and Potter holding his hand. Not a vision then. As Lily told him the details, he studied every inch of her pale face, hardly daring to believe she was sitting there in front of him, smiling at him.

“You’ll be out of commission for a while, but Dumbledore has recommended a really great Magical Physical Therapist, and you’re healing nicely so far. You just need a lot of rest,” Lily finished, squeezing his shoulder. Severus nodded, then blushed, realizing he was ‘resting’ at the Potters’ house, and had been for the past two days.

“I - uhm - alright,” said Severus uncomfortably. “I should go -” He moved to sit up, and a fresh explosion of cramping pain went through him, causing him to crash back on the pillows.

“Try to stay still, sweetheart,” Lily said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not going to be able to move around for a while.”

Severus blinked up at the ceiling, feeling a slow panic build. He was completely helpless. There was no way he could get out of bed, let alone feed himself or protect himself. The vulnerability petrified him.

“But you’re going to be fine,” Lily continued. “You’re going to stay here, with us.” Severus was about to open his mouth to protest, there was no way he was staying with the Potters and certainly no way James would allow that, but was interrupted by the door swinging open.

“MOMMA!” A small, black-haired baby walked unsteadily into the room, dragging a stuffed lion.

“Hare-bear,” Lily said with a big smile. “Where’s Daddy?” She got out of her chair and picked the baby up.

“I’m sorry, James will be here to get him in a second,” explained Lily with a blush, clearly believing Harry’s presence would not be welcome. “This is Mommy’s friend, Severus. Can you say hi, Harry?”

“Hi,” whispered the tot. He had not recognized that someone had been lying in the bed, and now he was burrowing into Lily’s embrace shyly.

“Hello, Harry,” replied Severus. It was the right decision. Lily smiled again and seemed to relax slightly. Still an awkward silence stretched out between the two of them, and Lily looked down to focus on studiously rearranging Harry’s messy hair.

“Mamma, mamma…owie?” asked the tiny child on her lap, pointing at Severus. Right down to the last strand of messy, black hair, the baby looked exactly like James but for the big, green eyes that perfectly mirrored his mother’s.

“Yes, sweetie he has an owie,” Lily said, throwing an almost apologetic look at Severus. The boy nodded, then proudly showed a plaster-covered elbow to Severus.

“Do you have an owie too?” asked Severus, not believing he just used the word owie. Harry nodded gravely, then turned shyly into his mother’s shoulder again. She stroked a gentle hand over the boy’s head.

A moment later, James entered holding a large tray covered in food.

“Hey.” He looked awful. His hair was practically vertical, like he had been running his hand through it all day and he was wearing rumpled clothes that looked slept in. His face was gaunt and pale when he looked at Severus and forced a smile. The memory of James holding his hand came back full-force, and he looked away embarrassed.

“Dad-Dad-dadadada” babbled Harry reaching his arms up for James. The first genuine smile Severus had seen from the man crossed his face. He put down the soup and happily plucked up the baby up from Lily’s lap.

“Hey monkey, you ready for your bath?” This made Harry’s pleasure at seeing James dissipate immediately, and he started to cry.

“No bath,” protested Harry, dramatically throwing his head onto James’ shoulder. With practiced ease, James rubbed Harry’s tiny back and kissed him on the top of the head.

“Shhh…it’s ok,” Harry’s exhausted sobs were somewhat muffled by James’ shoulder. After the boy calmed down a little, James looked over to where Severus lay on the bed and smiled at him somewhat uncertainly.

“Severus, how are you feeling?” As rumpled as James was, he was still James. Annoyingly attractive and good with that bloody shrieking baby. At that moment, he didn’t want James or Lily there, he just wanted to be left alone to stew in his own misery.

“Fine,” he grunted, trying not to show his embarrassment over the fact that James just comforted a baby the same way he had comforted Severus earlier. James seemed to expect no greater greeting and nodded.

“Glad to hear it,” said James genuinely. Severus who didn’t really know how to handle that, nodded stiffly and looked away. “Let me know if you need anything. Come on Hare-Bear, say buh-bye.”

“Bye-Bye,” whispered Harry, his chubby face wet with tears and his eyes drooping with tiredness. Severus had to admit that as far as little blobs went, this one was pretty cute. Lily pointed her wand at the bed and it slowly raised up.

“Come, you should try and eat something,” Lily said softly. She raised a spoon filled with soup to his lips.

“I can feed myself,” he said testily. She gave him a look, but placed the tray and soup over his lap, and pointed the spoon towards him. Clumsily, Severus reached for the spoon. He managed to get it half-way to his mouth before he dropped it, sending the soup everywhere.

“Well, that was close,” said Lily. When he looked over to scowl at her, her eyes were dancing with amusement, and she was clearly trying hard not to giggle. She had always been the only person to be able to tease him and get away with it. The laughter in her eyes made her even more beautiful.

“Are you laughing at me?” asked Severus. “You can’t laugh at a invalid.” She swirled her wand at his chest and the soup stain disappeared. With a smirk she raised a spoonful of chicken soup.

“Come on,” she said holding it out to him. “Do I need to make airplane noises?” She asked when he kept his mouth firmly shut. His lips quirked a little at that, and he allowed her to feed him the soup. She stopped after a few more spoonfuls, and looked at him with a deep, warm look that he couldn’t quite identify.

“I’ve missed you, you know,” she said. He looked into her eyes for any hint that he was being mocked, but she blinked back at him with complete sincerity.

“Me too,” he whispered, clearing his throat. The soup made him feel warm and fuzzy, and he had a sneaking suspicion someone had snuck a pain-killer or calming draught into it.

Lily’s eyes flooded with tears, and she looked down, pressing her shaking hand to her mouth.

“Lily?” whispered Severus. He hated to see her cry.

She pitched forward onto his shoulder, and he tensed in shock, holding his arms out like useless branches of a tree. Her hair was under his nose and she smelled like warm vanilla. He swallowed thickly and even though it was painful, he hesitantly wrapped an arm around her shuddering shoulders.

“Oh Sev, it’s all so screwed up,” Lily burst out unexpectedly. “V-Voldemort’s after Harry. He’s just a little boy, and James and I haven’t been able to do anything for the Order. You’re hurt. Sirius is - is -” She burst into a fresh batch of tears and buried herself further into his chest. Sirius was dead. That explained James’ pale face and red eyes. Guided by some instinct Severus didn’t even know he had he reached up and ran a hand over her long, red hair.

“It’s going to be ok,” he whispered. She sniffed loudly into his shirt and pulled away. Frantically, she wiped at her face.

“Ugh, I should be telling you that,” she said with a watery smile, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes.

“No…No it’s ok.” He blushed and looked away realizing he had said that two times in a row. She sniffed and collected herself.

“You should get some more rest,” whispered Lily. She stood up and tucked the blankets more firmly around his shoulders. It felt embarrassingly nice to be taken care of. No one had treated him with any gentleness since long before he could remember.  Pain still radiated through him, as did fear, and he was so exhausted. He noticed Lily looking at him in concern, and looked down at his blanket, feeling a sudden embarrassing heat behind his eyes.

Then, gently, as though he was made of fragile glass, she sat back down on the bed, reached forward and took him into her arms. He gasped a little and stiffened, but she didn’t pull away, and after a few seconds, he relaxed into the embrace. There were very few times when he had been held like this, and he had decided long ago that he didn’t deserve it. The hug felt like redemption. He let his head rest on the crook of her neck and closed his eyes.

XXXxxxxXXXxxx

Severus had spent been three longs weeks at the Potter Estate, feeling very much like a homeless man in a busy train station. Everything around him moved quickly. The Order still had no idea how to kill Voldemort or track down his followers, and both James and Lily were pressed into service night after night. When Lily wasn’t fighting she was running in and out of the Ministry trying to pass Muggle protection legislation while James holed up with Dumbledore working on war strategy. They had to do all this while taking care of a baby and moving into the Potter Estate, which hadn’t been lived in in five years.

Severus, on the other hand, wasn’t any help to anyone because he couldn’t move. He just lay in bed, waiting as the Skle-Grow attempted to reform his legs from useless piles of bone to working limbs. He couldn’t go much longer than two-or-so hours without sleeping. When he wasn’t sleeping, he was struggling to get through the painful physical therapy sessions where he struggled and panted for an hour just to take three steps.

To make matters worse, James had taken an uncomfortably large interest in Severus’ well-being. He stayed home with Harry while Lily worked, so he was the one cooking Severus meals, helping him stumble to the bathroom, and making sure he took his medicine and did his physical therapy like a good boy.

All of this resulted in an excess of anger which was currently directed at the extremely over-qualified, slightly angry wizard Lily had hired to help Severus walk. It was not going fast enough. He was still struggling to walk across the room.

With this frustrating thought in mind, he forced himself to take another step even though his legs were shaking with effort.

“That’s enough, Mr. Snape,” instructed Healer Harris, as he took another step.

“No, I”m fine.”

“Severus…” James stood up beside him, hovering like some Mother Goose.

“I’m fine, Potter,” snapped Severus, taking another step even though he felt as though his legs were made of splinters. His knees gave out. Before he hit the ground, James caught him.

“Alright, it’s ok,” James whispered near Severus’ ear, as though he was trying to protect Severus’ pride.

“I’m fine!” he snapped through his ragged breaths, even though he couldn’t get up. Without giving Snape a chance to protest, James heaved him up onto the bed.

“Mr. Snape, the bones in both your legs have been pulverized as have many of the nerves. That curse on your stomach which gave you boils still leaves you at risk for severe abdominal pain and nausea, you have sustained severe bruising to your spinal chord, and I had to regrow both your left and right ulna. You face a very long, very painful recovery. With the leg injuries alone you won’t be able to walk confidently for weeks. You need to be patient,” said the Healer unhelpfully.  Usually Severus appreciated the tall, Indian wizard’s matter-of-fact attitude, but right now he just felt incredibly tired. They were in the middle of a war, he couldn’t afford to be this vulnerable and useless.  

“I’m sure I’ll be fine,” replied Severus stiffly. Healer Harris opened his mouth to protest, but James cut him off.

“He’ll be fine,” said James firmly. It was the longest James had stayed quiet in a room with the audience and Severus was surprised by the man’s firmness. With a nod of assent, Healer Harris packed up his coat.

“Alright then, I’ll see you at the same time tomorrow,” he said leaving the room leaving. As soon as the footsteps faded, James turned to Severus.

“Severus,” James said in a slightly chastising tone.  “You should listen to him. He knows what he’s doing.” James pulled the blanket at the foot of the bed up and over Severus’ legs. Severus scowled at the fussing.

“Leave me alone,” snapped Severus, pushing the blanket off of him. He gave James the most murderous look he could. Considering Snape was well-practiced in murderous looks, the one James received made the man step back from the bed looking stung and a little frightened. Good.

“I’m just -”

“I don’t care,” said Severus, his voice reaching the low-pitch that usually only surfaced when he was about to do someone serious injury. “You hate me, and I hate you, at least you previously had the courage to be straight with me. I don’t want your pity or your fake concern, just leave me alone.”

“Severus -” James started again, but Severus cut him off.

“Did you know it was me who delivered the prophecy to the Dark Lord? I am the reason he hunted your family down in the first place,” growled Severus, with a feeling of wild exhilaration. “Did you know that when I found it he was hunting the beloved Potters, I told him only to spare Lily? I didn’t think on your life for a single moment, and if he ended it, I would have looked at your corpse without a hint of regret.”

Severus was breathing heavily at the end of his rant, and James’ face was taut and white. They both stared at each other for a long moment, surprised by the viciousness of the rant.  After a moment, James nodded, more to himself than to Severus, and turned to leave.

“I don’t hate you, Severus,” he said from the doorway. Before Severus could respond, the door shut softly behind him.

Severus frowned at the ceiling, feeling something uncomfortably close to guilt. James only cared about him because he had saved Harry and Lily, a debt the man took seriously. Still, Severus didn’t understand why that had to extend to James trying to engage him in conversation and fussing over him. The physical therapy and the anger had exhausted the last of his energy reserves, not even the lingering unsettled feeling could keep him awake any longer, and he was pulled into a deep sleep.

The clatter of dishes and the sound of Harry squealing woke Severus up a few hours later. A large clock on the wall and the growl in his stomach told him it was dinner time, and sure enough he could hear Lily, home from work. The kitchen was too far away for him to make out the exact words, but he could hear the pitch in her voice raise as she talked to Harry, and her melodious laughter following James’ deep barritone over the banging of dishes and cutlery.

For some reason, the sound made Severus feel even more lonely and irritable. Usually, he was dragged out for dinner with the whole family, but after his little episode today, James had no doubt told Lily to stop that practice. It was all very well, in all honesty, Severus was too grumpy and sore to want to leave his bed anyways, even if dinner did smell fantastic. He was debating between reading or going back to sleep when there was a soft knock at the door.

“Come in,” he said. Lily pushed the door open, a tray filled with steaming, delicious-smelling chilli and bread levitated out in front of her.

“Hey you,” she said with a smile as she lowered the tray across his lap. Severus blinked at her in surprise.

“James mentioned you might not be feeling up to coming out for dinner,” she said handing him a spoon. He could tell by the expression on her face that James hadn’t told her the reason why.

“He must be worried about you. He doesn’t make that chilli for just anyone,” Lily said with a worried look on her face.

“I’m fine,” said Severus, taking a bite of the chilli. It was fantastic, warm and just a little spicy, dense with meat and beans. Comfort in a bowl, that was an odd thing for James to give him after the words they had exchanged. Briefly, he wondered if it was poisonous. Lily gave him a searching look, but finally nodded her head in acceptance of his words.

“You know everything is going to be fine, right?” she said softly. “You’re getting better every day, and there’s no need to rush anything. You’ve always got a home here.”

Bitterly, Severus realized that it was only a matter of days or hours until James told her what he had said. She certainly wasn’t going to be bringing him chilli and keeping him in her guest bedroom when he found out what he had done.

It was a realization not even chilli could fix and he poked and he prodded the bowl as Lily talked to her about her day and the war. Dumbledore had ascertained that Voldemort was using Horcruxes, and if they could destroy all of them before his followers had a chance to resurrect him, he’d be dead.

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright, sweetheart? I’m sorry this war talk probably isn’t helping,” Lily said, noticing his picked over bowl of chilli.

“Just tired,” he whispered. It was half-the-truth. She frowned and pressed the back of her hand to his head. He couldn’t stop himself from closing her eyes at the brief touch. For that moment, he briefly considered telling her what he had done. If she heard it from him, perhaps she’d understand. That you were willing to let her child die a traitorous voice whispered in his head. One thing had been clear during his time with the Potters, Lily loved that little boy with her whole soul. Even if she wanted to forgive him, he didn’t think she’d be able to.

“Alright, I’ll let you rest then,” she said, taking the tray back from him. “Let me know if you need anything.” She smiled her glorious smile, and Severus’ throat felt sore. He drifted off to sleep with a ball of anxiety in chest.

He awoke hours later with a chalk dry mouth and pain shooting up and down his legs. With a groan, he rolled over under the mound of covers to feel around the side-table, but all he found was an empty vial where the pain reliever used to be and a glass with only a few drops of water. He sighed and leaned back on the pillows. The potions cupboard had anti-summoning charms on it so that the baby wouldn’t accidentally get into them, and he certainly wasn’t going to call for Lily or James. He’d have to walk.

He lay there for a few minutes debating the merits of getting up. The potions were stored in the kitchen, which was about twenty feet down the hall. He grabbed his wand off of the side-table and transfigured the book on his side-table into a thin cane. The walk to the kitchen was slow and agonizing, and by the time he started to walk across the tile, he was sweating bullets and clenching his teeth together in pain.

The potions cupboard was on top of an old 60’s style refrigerator that Lily had outfitted with preservative charms. Mentally, Severus cursed the stupid little baby who made the Potters store their potions so carefully and strained to reach the cupboard door with his wand.

It opened with a touch of his wand, the Wizard version of child-proofing, but his fingers could just barely graze the vial of brown liquid. He just had it in his hands when his knees buckled, and he crashed loudly on to the ground.

Hurriedly, Severus tried to get his feet underneath him, but his muscles were painful and uncooperative, and he ended up crashing on to the ground again. There was the sound of a door closing and footsteps racing down the stairs into the kitchen.

“Sev!” James said with a breath of relief. “You scared the crap out of me! Are you alright?” James came to Severus’ side and moved to help him sit up. Trying to preserve what little dignity he had left, Severus did the majority of the work of sitting himself up against the cupboard.

“Are you ok? What happened?” James asked again, looking Severus over intently, clearly trying to ascertain whether he had fainted or just fallen over.

“I’m fine,” he snapped, closing his eyes against the swell of pain that made him feel nauseous. He couldn’t hear anything, and for a moment he thought that James had returned to his bedroom.

“Here,” James said, handing out the pain-reliever Severus had been after. “I’m sorry, I should have made sure you had an extra.”

With the air of a man burdened with one too many problems, James slunk down the wall across from him and ran a hand through his hair, making it stand on end. Severus was being unreasonable, he knew that, and felt a quick rush of shame at his immaturity. Severus took the potion, but stared at it.

“Severus, I swear if you drink that potion, I won’t think your hatred of me has diminished in the least,” James said with a quirk of his lips. With a scowl, Severus drank the potion down, the pain receded so much that he audibly sighed in relief, a fact James thankfully didn’t make mention of.

“So how long do I have until I have until you explain everything to Lily,” asked Severus sourly after a few moments, feeling suddenly defensive. James looked up from his lap, gave Severus the barest hint of a smile and cocked his head.

“She already knows, Sev,” James said gently. “Though she didn’t have the advantage of your theatrical delivery. Dumbledore told us when you were unconscious.”

It felt like his world had shifted painfully on his axis. He was so shocked at the revelation that he felt a little dizzy as he blinked back at James.The entire time, James and Lily knew that he had nearly killed them and their son. Yet they hadn’t done anything about it. There was no tears, anger, or vengeance. For a brief moment, Severus wondered if they were long-gaming him.

“I was a Deatheater,” said Severus silkily. “I nearly got you killed to say nothing of your wife and child.”

“You turned to the light at great risk to yourself, and you saved my family,” James said slowly after a moment of consideration.

“I’m the reason Black is dead,” said Severus tartly. He had no idea why he was pressing a spot he knew to be sore, or why he needed James’ validation at all. James eyes widened, and he looked away to concentrate on the floor. He pursed his lips and Severus had the sudden impression he might be holding back tears.

“No, Black died because I was too slow to whip out an Unforgivable,” said James softly before turning back to Severus. There was no possible reply he could think of, so Severus stayed quiet.

“Look, Severus, I know you don’t like me, and for good reason, and maybe too much has happened for us to ever be good friends, but you and I, we’re on the same team. We’re going to be living together for a while at least. The way I see it, we can hate each other and be miserable, or we can accept that mistakes were made and move on.”

From the look on James’ face, Severus knew the man wasn’t just talking about the war and Deatheaters, he was talking about Hogwarts.

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry for being a prat at school. I have no excuse other than being fifteen,” James said after a moment.

“That’s completely unnecessary, Potter,” Severus grumbled. James looked like he was going to protest, but after a moment he simply nodded his head.

“Either way, I’m not leaving you here on the ground,” James said, looping an arm under Severus’ armpit. “Come on.” Because there wasn’t much he could do, Severus allowed James to pull him up to his feet.

“Easy,” muttered James, as he half-dragged him across the hallway to the bedroom. By the time James dumped him on the bed, his legs were burning, and his limbs were almost jelly. He was too tired and sore to complain when James pulled the covers up over him. Severus blinked his eyes open.

“Do you need anything?” James asked softy, filling the glass on Severus’ bedside with a swish of his wand. Severus shook his head and shifted uncomfortably under the covers. There was an annoying look of sympathy on James’ face as he watched him settle in.

“You’ll be able to move around soon,” James said in almost a soothing tone. “Things won’t seem so bad then, alright?”

Severus blinked up at James, surprised at the attempt at comfort, and nodded.

“Alright then, goodnight,” James said softly, turning back towards the door. As he did so, Severus felt a deep, guilty feeling rise through him. It had been years since graduating from Hogwarts. James was right, they would never be friends, Severus didn’t need or want any friends other than Lily. Perhaps though, there could be civility, if only for Lily’s sake.

“Potter,” Severus said, just as the man reached the door. James turned around, startled. “Thank you.” James’ eyes widened in response, for once in his life, he refrained from making a quip. He  simply nodded, a small smile coming across his face.

“Anytime, Severus,” he said. Severus just nodded tightly back and James shut the door behind him.