Voldemort had not died that night at the Potters. He was currently in Azkaban, his soul sucked out by the Dementors. The only problem was that the moment the Dementors performed the kiss, it was clear that something was wrong. Voldemort only had part of his soul. The fact that Voldemort had used Horcruxes caused a flurry of panic among the light, and a slight resurgence in the Dark who were now determined to bring back their Dark Lord.

Still, Christmas had come and went with little fanfare. Dumbledore reluctantly told the Potters that they were as safe to leave the house as they’d ever be.  Lily was back at work full-time at the Ministry, Severus could mostly walk again, and Harry now walked with surprising confidence and was even starting to talk semi-coherently.

Severus had even been in such a good mood about being able to walk again, that he had held Harry up to put the star on top of the Christmas tree in a spurt of good-will. He and James even tolerated each other, meaning that Severus tolerated James, and James continued with his amiable friendliness, as though he genuinely liked Severus. Life just went on, and it was surprisingly enjoyable.

Despite the calm, the Order still met regularly to attempt to help in the rounding up of the rest of Horcruxes, and to prevent the few Deatheaters that remained from gathering around a new leader. The Aurors were working full-time tracking down Horcruxes, and mostly, the whole thing was just an excuse for old friends to get together and for James to make pot roast, which he was doing in the kitchen right now with Severus and Remus.

“I have some news,” Remus said hesitantly, over his bottle of butter beer, drawing Severus out of his reverie. James looked casually over from the kitchen.

“Oh yeah?” James said, pointing his wand at a pot of water and causing it to jump to a boil.

“I’ve been hired on as an executive at an independent publishing house,” said Remus. James smiled broadly and clapped him on the back, but Severus couldn’t help but notice the smile on Remus’ face didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“That’s great, Moony!” James said, not quite noticing Remus’ face.

“It’s in New York, James,” said Remus seriously after a moment. The smile came off of James’ face as quickly as it came and was replaced with a wounded look.

“But-” James stopped his protest before it could become any more unseemly.

“Werewolves aren’t restricted from working in the Muggle world there,” Remus explained gently. “I’ll be able to have a job, money. I’ll be able to pay you back for -”

“Don’t you dare,” James said shortly. “And if that is all this is, you know I am more than happy to keep -”

“I know James. I know,” Remus cut in quickly, giving James a gentle smile. “It’s not about the money. It’s - I need to be somewhere where I can make a life and follow my passions. Right now, that’s not England.”

James face was frozen in a sort of a painful grimace, caught somewhere between wanting to be compassionate while also wanting to express his extreme displeasure with the idea. Finally, he settled on happiness, and forced a smile at Remus.

“Alright,” James said reaching up and hugging Remus around the shoulders. “Come here. Congratulations, buddy!”

“Congratulations,” Severus added, feeling slightly like an outsider in the interaction, but Remus turned to him with a beaming smile as well.

“Thank You,” said Remus, accepting Severus’ outstretched hand and shaking it heartily.

The rest of the Order started to file into the kitchen, accepting the pieces of pot roast and laughing loudly. Lily was talking to Remus, and Severus could tell by her wide smile and furrowed brow that Remus has told her about his plans to move to New York.

Dumbledore entered, and at the serious expression on his face, the conversation quelled, and everyone turned their attention to him.

“We have a problem,” he started. James’ brow furrowed in concern, and Lily stiffened beside Severus.

“According to one of our sources, the Deatheaters are redoubling their efforts at recruitment. Hogwarts, as always as being used as prime recruiting ground. But our most pressing concern is that we have reason to believe that this group of Deatheaters knows where this house is located.”

A cold shiver went through Severus’ spine. The thought of the Potter Estate being destroyed suddenly filled him with a strong sense of fear and discomfort. Stronger than he expected.

“How?” said Potter suddenly, a dangerous colour coming to his cheeks.

“Peter Pettigrew,” Dumbledore said with cold eyes. “He’s was a frequent guest here when you were children, was he not?” James’ face was absolutely murderous.

“Are you telling me that this house, my parents house that has been in my family for generations,  that Sev, my wife, my son are all in danger right now?” James asked, the pitch of his voice rising. “Because of him, again?” James hadn’t spoken Peter’s name since the first attack months ago. Dumbledore didn’t have to answer, his face said it all.

“Not immediately. The house is still impeccably well-warded, and my source assures me they’re months away from staging an attack,” Dumbledore said gravely.

James ran a hand over his mouth, and Severus knew they were both thinking the same thing. The careful normalcy they had created, the comfort and happiness was suddenly shattered.

“Ok. Lily let’s get Harry’s things,” he said. “Sev, we’ve gotta go.” Lily was already standing up.

“I think, that we should look at the positives here,” said Dumbledore, getting incredulous looks from everyone else around the table. “This time we are ahead of them.”

They knew that Malfoy Manor was being used as a base for the Deatheater attacks, and a small contingent of the Order had been organized to attack it in a week from now. But though James had nodded and listened through the meeting, Severus could tell that the man’s mind wasn’t on a week from now.

When the Order dispersed and Lily went to put Harry to bed, Severus sat in a chair in the living room with a firewhiskey and his wand. An hour passed, then another, then footsteps, too confident to be Harry’s and too heavy to be Lily’s crept down the stairs. Severus flicked on all the lights with a sweep of his wand. James jumped with a yelp and turned to face him, wand raised. The moment he saw it was Severus, he exhaled and dropped his wand to his side.

“Not even you, Potter, can be this stupid,” Severus said, not rising from his chair. With a flick of his wrist, James summoned his cloak and fastened it around his neck.

“I am going to kill him,” James said matter-of-factly.

“You’re planning to walk into a room full of Deatheaters and kill them all?” Severus sneered. “You don’t have the stomach, and even if you did, you don’t have the ability.”

“I’ll keep your encouraging words in mind,” James said, walking towards the door. Now getting truly angry, Severus jumped to his feet.

“It is suicide,” he snarled, grabbing James’ arm and pulling him back from the door. “I hope you at least wrote your boy a note so he has something to remember you by.”

It was a low-blow, but Severus could tell by the way James’ lips thinned that he had hit his mark. He was about to declare a victory when James’ eyes hardened again.

“At least he’ll be alive.” Fucking Gryffindor thought Severus shaking his head.

“It’s only been two months since Bellatrix almost killed him, and I dream every night about what would have happened if you hadn’t raised your wand as fast as you did,” James said firmly. “I’m making sure no one can get to him ever again.”

“As admirable as the sentiment is Potter, you’re still going to wind up a broken toy for the Deatheaters to play with. Believe me, they won’t kill you quickly,” replied Severus, crossing his arms.

“A cost I’d happily pay,” James said reaching for the door. There was no point in arguing. Severus ground his teeth and summoned his own cloak from the rack.

“What are you doing?” blurted James.

“1-5 odds are better than 1-10,” snapped Severus. A momentary look of surprise flitted across James’ face then disappeared.

“Alright then.”

They quickly apparated the short distance to Malfoy Manor. It was a large, block-like castle with vast grounds enclosed in an iron fence that pulsed with dark magic.

“Grab my arm,” muttered Severus. James gave him an odd look, but obeyed. Severus lifted his other arm, and the iron gate turned into smoke. Severus hustled himself and James across the threshold. James looked over his shoulder to observe the gate, which was now metal.

“It removes all traces of magical concealment,” explained Severus as they hustled across the property.  “Do you have a plan, or did you intend to simply burst in there in a fit of anger.”

“I’m going to immobilize them and call the Aurors and other Order members to take them into Azkaban. Except for Peter, him I’m going to kill,” said James tightly. Severus shook his head: proud, arrogant fool.

The door was unlocked, as was the custom in traditional Wizarding homes. The outdoor wards were meant to keep away anyone who wasn’t supposed to be there. And a simply body-detector spell revealed only five people in the residence aside from James and himself. Severus let out a breath of relief. With another, quiet flick of his wand, he send a Patronus to Dumbledore requesting back-up the moment James’ back was turned.

They were sitting at the table, with Lucius at the head. Avery, Crabbe, Nott and Pettigrew all sat around him.

“Our primary concern must be the elimination of Harry Potter. Without him gone, I fear we may never be able to restore the Dark Lord," said Lucius. James tensed beside Severus, but didn’t move.

“If I freeze Malfoy, and you freeze Nott, we’ll knock out the two strongest wizards,” James hissed in Severus’ ear. Then they’d be able to duel Pettigrew, Avery and Crabbe into submission, something Severus was sure he and James could accomplish. He gave a small nodd of understanding.

“But - but Malfoy be reasonable,” said Pettigew. “We should focus on the Horcruxes. Harry is - is just a boy.” There was an odd beseeching tone in Peter’s voice that betrayed the tiniest bit of regret, still James’ features hadn’t softened.

“You give too much thought to your old school friend,” muttered Avery. James looked at Severus and mouthed on three.

“One - two - three.” The moment they stood up they fired identical freezing spells. James’ hit Malfoy right in the chest and Severus’ hit Nott with just force, the poor man was knocked clear off of his feet. A mess of curses and swearing followed.

Crabbe swirled his wand, and a purple light flared, hitting Potter right in the stomach. James collapsed with a disturbing squeak, and Pettigrew took advantage of the moment to unfreeze Malfoy and Nott. Severus fired a shot that disarmed Pettigrew, and he whimpered and scrambled for his wand. James had pulled himself to his feet and fired a curse that nearly missed Avery. Mutliple flares of lights burst forth, and a smokey heat was starting to fill the room. One of Crabbe’s curses rebounded off of the wall and hit Pettigrew, causing the man to collapse on to his stomach.

Malfoy was calling for the Deatheaters to aparate, and Severus looked over his shoulder to see the heat coming from a roaring fire. He grabbed James arm and apparated them both to the safety of the lawn outside Malfoy Manor.

“PETER!” yelled James looking at the roaring fire that was licking the edges of Malfoy manner. Severus looked at the man incredulously but before he had the chance to say anything, he started to ran back into the burning building, wand in hand.

“Potter!” Severus was able to catch up to him in a few strides. “What the hell are you doing?” Potter’s eyes were wide and wild, beyond rationality. He pushed Severus out of the way with surprising strength and bolted into the building. After a moment’s hesitation, Severus followed with a snarl of rage.

Peter was lying on the charred floor of Malfoy manor, surrounded by the inflamed plush furnishing. James dodged a burning crossbeam out of his way with a little screech and skidded down to his knees beside Peter’s body.

“Petey!” said James, shaking the fat unconscious lump. Another burning rafter crashed to the ground and James yelped and covered Peter’s body with his own. Gryffindors!

“James, we have to get out of here,” yelled Severus, using water from his wand to put out as much of the fire as it could. It was too dangerous to apparate, they could send themselves right into the flames. James blinked at him for a moment, as though just realizing he was there, then sprung into action.

“Help me with him,” said James, already leveraging Peter up.

“Seriously!” Snape demanded, even as he dodged a patch of flames and grabbed Peter’s other arm. The fat lump was complete dead weight and they both struggled to walk a few steps while dragging him between them. It was too loud for Severus too hear how loud James was panting, suddenly the man dropped to his knees with a scream that was equal parts frustration and pain. Severus stumbled under the full weight of Pettigrew, instinctively trying not to let him fall. In obvious pain, James pitched forward onto all fours.

“You’re hurt,” snapped Severus in accusation. A panic, deeper than he expected, cursed through him as he watched James struggle to get his feet under him. Wordlessly, Severus moved to slump Pettigrew against the wall.

“I’m fine,” rasped James sounding like he was out of air. “Get him out. I’m right behind you.” The man barely looked as though he could walk and Snape raised his eyebrows skeptically. The hazel eyes that met his offered no room for argument. There was no time to press the point, Severus shifted his grip on the increasingly heavy Pettigrew and started to drag him down the stairs, listening all the while for the reassuring sound of James’ footsteps behind him.

At the bottom of the Manor, the fire roared so completely and the smoke was so dense that Severus could barely see the ends of Pettigrew’s feet as they carried on towards the door. Breathing the air felt like trying to suck down cotton balls, and tears filled his eyes as they futilely tried to keep away the stinging smoke. Thankfully after a few tortured steps, the inflamed doorframe came into view and he pulled Peter’s lifeless body out of the crackling fire into the cold, clear air.

The moment he dropped Peter on the grass, he turned anxiously towards the door, expecting to see James running to safety at any moment. The man didn’t appear. Three seconds turned into five and though the blazing fire made Severus’ face hot, his stomach was cold with dread. Before he consciously realized what he was doing, he stumbled back towards the Manor and broke out into a run.

“POTTER!” bellowed Severus, stumbling back through the houses entrance and half-way up the stairs. James was lying like a forgotten rag-doll over the three steps, his arm jutted out at an unfortunate angle.

“Potter. JAMES,” Severus yelled insistently as he crashed on the stairs beside the inert man’s head. His glasses were shattered into pieces, leaving flecks of glass all over his closed eyes. Quickly, Severus discarded them and wiped the fragments off impatiently with his forearm. The movement cause James to stir feebly and blink his eyes.

“Peter?” he rasped, confused. A loud crack rang out the fire ate through one of the Houses support beams.

“Come on,” Severus said harshly pulling a barely-conscious James to his feet and putting the man’s unbroken arm around his neck. Through some deep reservoir of willpower, James was somehow able to put one foot in front of the other, even though his chin met his chest and he coughed and rasped continually. They stumbled out together on the grass and fell into a heap beside Peter.

Severus blinked and breathed heavily, looking up at the stars that were barely visible through the smoke. Smoke had coated the cells of his brain and information seemed to take a particularly long time to be processed, still as he breathed in the relatively fresh oxygen he dimly remembered Potter’s injury.

“Potter?” he rasped. His limbs were made of lead and sitting up felt like pushing that lead through dense water. As bad as he felt, it was clear James felt worse. All his limbs were shaking with shock and his eyes were wide and wild.

“Where are you hurt?” Severus asked, sounding more callous than he meant to in an attempt to keep the panic from his voice.

“Stomach - ’s not so bad,” James slurred, yelping a little as Severus ripped his shirt open without preamble. Blood flowed freely from the gaping wound and Severus swore he could see something smooth and organ-like under the severed muscle.

“Not so bad?” he hissed at James in bitter, sarcastic anger. Severus conjured a pile of bandages and pressed it to the wound with a little more force than necessary. The pressure made James buck a little and swear.

“Peter? Is Peter ok?” whispered James as Snape taped the bandages into place.

“I don’t know,” said Severus coldly. “He’s out of the fire.”

“Check on him,” James said, scrunching his face as another wave of pain washed over him. Severus sat back on his heels and blinked incredulously at the man. It was sheer luck that Peter’s disloyalty hadn’t killed James and his entire family, including Lily. Why the man cared was beyond Severus.

“Please, Severus,” James said, reading Severus’ hesitancy. With a half-hearted sneer, he crawled the few paces to Peter, who was breathing slowly, blissfuly unaware that two people he had callously stabbed in the back had saved his life.

“He’s fine,” Severus said after a cursory examination. James sighed in real relief and closed his eyes, still shaking. Severus pursed his lips together thoughtfully for a moment then grudgingly shucked off his outer robe.

“You have to stay awake,” said Severus, tucking the robe up around James’ shoulders like a blanket. “Dumbledore is on his way.” James blinked hazily at Severus and gave a sly smile.

“Careful, Sev. I might think you care about me,” rasped James before lapsing into a fit of angry, wet coughs. Instinctively, Severus reached out to place a hand on the man’s chest.

“No need to get yourself all worked up about it, Potter,” muttered Severus absently, noticing the white bandages were starting to turn red and Potter’s face was starting to go grey. The man’s eyes fluttered shut again.

“Potter!” Severus said insistently, shaking him slightly. His eyes slid open reluctantly.

Thankfully, before Severus had to do anything more drastic, there was a flash of light and Dumbledore appeared on the yard holding a portkey.

“Headmaster!” yelled Severus, waving his arm like he was still a schoolboy. Dumbledore hustled over and looked down at James and Peter.

“Take this portkey, I’ll follow with Peter,” said Dumbledore, tapping an old sweet wrapper with his wand. James opened his mouth to protest, but Severus grabbed the man’s arm firmly and allowed the port-key to carry them to Hogwarts before he could say a word.

For some reason, Severus stayed by James’ bed when they fixed the gash in his stomach, forced him to drink blood replenisher after blood replenisher and was now sitting in the plastic chair beside his bed as he slept. Lily had been placing protective enchantments and her sister’s house with Harry, and Dumbledore was busy dealing with Peter so there had been no one else, and leaving James seemed somehow mean and wrong after living with the man for over a month and a half.

James coughed and groaned plaintively in his sleep. Severus rested a hesitant hand on his shoulder.

“Potter, wake up,” he ordered, gently shaking him. James smacked his dry lips together a few times than woke up.

“Snape?” he muttered blearily, forcing himself to sit up.

“Drink this,” Snape said handing him a glass of water mixed with pain killers. Still a little out of it, James obeyed looking around the hospital wing with a bit of confusion.

“D’you save my life again?” he muttered tiredly, sinking back into the pillows. With a small smirk, Severus took the water glass from his hand and placed it on the side-table. “Why are we at Hogwarts?”

“Dumbledore wanted to make sure you were safe from any retribution from the Deatheaters and ensure Pettigrew couldn’t escape,” answered Severus, sitting back in his glare to covertly observe James’ ghastly slate completion and heavy-lidded eyes. At the mention of Pettigrew, James sat up alertly, and his eyes focused on the lump in the bed across from his.

With a surprising amount of vigour, James swung his legs over the side of the bed and landed heavily on the floor.

“What are you doing?” snapped Severus getting to his feet and reaching his hands out instinctively to stop the man or hold him up.

“Do you always have to go to the angry place?” James said with the shadow of a smile that made him look somehow less happy than he did previously. Slowly, he crossed the hospital wing and sank into the chair next to Pettigrew’s bed. Hesitantly, Severus followed.

“Has he woken up yet?” asked James, looking over Peter with a perplexing amount of concern. Severus crossed his arms and looked hard at the man in front of him for a long moment. Part of him wondered if he was planning on smothering Peter in his sleep, that seemed far more reasonable than forgiving him.

“For a bit,” answered Severus cautiously. James nodded his head in approval, looking old and sad.

“Thank you,” he said. “Again I’m in your debt.”

“Far better than the alternative,” muttered Severus, ignoring the flicker of a smile that appeared on James’ face.

The door to the hospital wing opened and an official-looking wizard flanked by two Dementors and an extremely angry Madame Pomfrey entered.

“Dumbledore cannot have authorized this. There are ill people in here,” said Madame Pomfrey as she trotted to keep up with the wizard. A deep chill went through Severus’ bones and his hand instinctively went to his wand. James got to his feet as well, his face paling even further.

“I have an ordered for the removal of Peter Pettigrew, known Deatheater and perpetrator of crimes against Muggles and Muggle-borns, to Azkaban prison to await trial for crimes of treason against the Ministry.” A deep feeling of depression and emptiness started to tear at Severus’ gut as the Deatheaters glided towards Pettigrew’s bedside.

“Surely Gideon, this could have waited until morning,” said Dumbledore serenely from the doorway. The authoritative, bespeckled wizard looked at Dumbledore without a hint of concern.

“Not as such Dumbledore. Priority case this is. You understand.” The man didn't sound especially cruel or callous, just certain in his actions. The look on Dumbledore’s face was clearly one of disagreement, but he nodded his assent. The scene was blurry and scenes from Severus’ childhood: being beaten by a belt, being laughed at, being so alone intruded into his consciousness.

“Wait…” protested James as two of the scaly hands gripped the gurney. He was white to the lips and swayed dangerously. Without a second’s hesitation, Severus lifted his wand, thought of lying by the lake with Lily and yelled:

“Expecto Patronum!” The Patronus had been curiously hard to conjure, but the doe leapt gracefully from his wand and landed in between Potter and the Dementor. Startled and swaying on his feet, James stumbled back. He would have fallen, but Severus walked the two steps quickly and caught him around the waist, avoiding the recently broken arm.

“I’m fine,” muttered James even though he made no move to shrug off Severus’ arm. His eyes were on Dumbledore’s.

“There is nothing you could have done, my dear boy. His choices were his own,” said Dumbledore, his calm, blue eyes heavy with sympathy. James swallowed hard nodded, even though Severus’ doe was walking laps around them, protecting them from the Dementors Severus still felt cold.

“Exactly right,” Gideon said snapping his fingers. The Dementors lifted up the hospital bed and a moment later they disappeared. Leaving an empty hole where the Pettigrew had once been.

“Bye Wormtail,” James whispered, barely loud enough for Severus to hear.

“Please do your best for him, sir,” James said sadly as he turned away from the empty space to face Dumbledore. “I don’t imagine he’ll be much of a match for the Dementors.”

There were cells in Azkaban for less severe crimes where the Dementor activity was limited. Surely Potter didn’t think Pettigrew deserved that luxury. The rat deserved nothing less then years of slow mental torture, and Severus only hoped that he didn’t yield to the Dementors too quickly.

Dumbledore nodded, unexpectedly gravely. It was as though there had been a little death, and Severus felt a sudden protectiveness for the hunched over, barely standing man beside him.

“Come, Potter,” he instructed, more gently than he usually would have. James allowed himself to be led across the hallway and back to bed. When James was settling in Severus looked up to find Dumbledore watching him with something akin to approval in his light eyes.

“I’ll leave you to rest,” Dumbledore said turning and exiting the hospital wing. The chill from the Dementors hadn’t quite left Severus’ bones and when the door to the hospital wing closed behind the Headmaster, Severus reached over and pulled the covers up over James’ shoulder. There was no quip from the man, who was lying with his back turned away, about how Severus was coming to care about him, just silence, which caused Severus to furrow his brow slightly as he watched the hunched shoulders rise and fall.

Severus was just starting to doze off in his chair when, the door to the hospital wing was thrown open and Lily ran into the room looking dishevelled and slightly out-of-her mind. Harry dangled off of her hip, holding his stuffed lion in his hand.

“Oh James!” whispered Lily, running to James’ bedside. She sat down on the bed beside him and tenderly brushed his errant hair off of his sticky forehead. Severus looked up at the scene from his chair, but she only had eyes had for husband.

“Sev’us,” giggled Harry, pointing at him. The baby had learned how to mangle Severus’ name a few days ago and hadn’t quite gotten over the excitement of it.

“Hello Harry,” Severus replied softly. As though she just noticed Severus was there, Lily looked up, blinked at him and smiled tearfully.

“Severus. Are you alright?” she asked. She took her hand off of James’ bangs and held it out for Severus. The quick action shocked him, but after a moment he nodded and put his hand in hers.

 “Course he’s fine,” rasped James. “He’s a badass.” His eyes were glazed with pain and potions, but the smile on his face was genuine.

“Hi Jamie,” Lily said softly, reaching up and laying his hand on James forehead. He closed his eyes at her touch, and there was a look on Lily’s face that was more tender, loving than any other Severus had ever seen. Severus looked down at his lap, embarrassed at witnessing the intimacy.

“Dadda,” said Harry, crawling along the bed towards his father.  James opened his eyes and struggled to sit up.

“Hi monkey,” James said, drawing Harry towards him.

“Honey, be careful,” said Lily, equally to James and Harry as the little boy snuggled tightly into his father’s stomach. James winced, but kissed the top of Harry’s head and held the baby to him like some sort of security blanket.

“I’m going to go,” Severus said, standing up quickly and earning surprised looks from Lily, James and even Harry.

“Are you sure?” asked Lily recovering quickly. “James should be released just as soon as Madame Pomfrey makes sure his arm is healed. We can all go home together.” She looked at James for support who nodded. Severus felt a claustrophobic desire to leave and walked backwards to the floo, abandoning his usual attempts to be calm and collected.

“Yes, I’m - tired.” Severus said taking a pinch of floo and trying not to blush at the bemused looks on the Potter’s faces. Lily opened her mouth to speak but before she could say anything, Severus threw the floo powder into the fire and flew into the Potter’s living room.

Ever since Severus had seen Lily, he had suffered from the same delusion that all people in love have, that those they love could love them back. Even though he know she married James and had a child with him and that the marriage was happy, he hadn’t realized how much she loved James until he saw her reaction to him being injured.

She had looked at James as though he was her entire existence, as though his pain bled into her body. Severus knew at that moment, with devastating certainty, that she would never be with him.  She had given her whole heart to someone else and, regardless, Severus wasn’t sure he was even capable of eliciting such love in others. His own parents has barely tolerated his existence. The best he could hope for from Lily was mild affection.

The realization was painful, but like a cauterized wound it provided abrupt closure. He was doomed to be unloved, family-less, but he could still be a favoured decoration on the mantelpiece of Lily’s life. It was more than he had before. With a deep sigh, he walked from where he had been standing still in the middle of the living room to his bedroom, fell on top of his covers closed his eyes and fell asleep even though it was only 5pm.

Severus typically didn’t sleep for long and woke up abruptly at 1am. The first thing he noticed was that someone had come in to his room to cover him with a duvet and take off his shoes. The second thing he noticed was that he was starving.

Disoriented, he changed out of his robes into pyjamas, grabbed his robe and shuffled into the dark hallway with a yawn. He stopped in his tracks noticing the bright-light coming from the kitchen. Lily always ensured that the lights were off before going to bed. His heart thumped loudly as he raised his wand and continued slowly to the kitchen’s opening.

With a deep breath he spun around the corner and pointed his wand at - James Potter, who was peeling the label off a half-empty bottle of Firewhiskey lethargically.

“Potter?” asked Severus in surprise even though it was the man’s house.

“Snape,” replied James without looking up or betraying the slightest hint of surprise. He took another drink of his fire

“What are you doing?” asked Severus, immediately starting to sound angry, even though there was no reason to. “It’s 1 am, you should be sleeping.” James nodded, resting his head on his hand tiredly.

“You must be hungry,” said James, whipping out his wand and swirling it carelessly over his shoulder to the kitchen cabinets. A plate full of chicken, potatoes and vegetables soared across the air and landed on the table in front of Severus with a loud clang. A glass tumbler followed and landed beside the plate.

Ever since he had woken up in the Potter’s house the morning after Voldemort’s capture, the man had been a virtual vaunt of energy and annoying positivism. This morose James was odd and slightly disquieting. Severus watched as James drained his newly filled glass with a frown.

“Drinking alone now, Potter. A little maudlin for you, isn’t it?” asked Severus. With a smirk, James dumped more Firewhiskey in Severus’ glass.

“Now I’m not,” James said with a tired, forced smile. Severus nodded in assent and took a sip of the firewhiskey. After a moment, James started to laugh in a harsh way that made all the hair on the back of Severus’ neck stand up.

“You know what’s funny? That we’re drinking together,” said James almost bitterly. Severus raised his eyebrows. The two of them were far from being friends, but  James tended to refrain from mentioning their previous enmity.

“I’ll leave you to pursue alcoholism solo then,” said Severus, tightly. getting to his feet.

“Nooo!” said James, his traditional levity coming back into his voice.  “That’s not what I meant. Sit down. Finish your dinner.” He raised his eyebrows but sat back down at the table.

“It was weird being back in Hogwarts, wasn’t it?” James said quietly. Severus shrugged noncommittally and started to drink his alcohol with more speed. If they were going to start talking about Hogwarts, he was going to have to catch up.

“Did you ever think about how much things could change in a few years?” continued James.

“Things have taken a turn, I suppose.” James burst out laughing.

“You certainly have a talent for the understatement,” he replied. He looked thoughtful for a moment then smiled. “Do you remember in second year, when you put something in Sirius’ potions and he -” James devolved into laughter.

“Got explosive diarrhoea? finished Severus when James was laughing too hard to continue. James nodded, still in a fit of laugher. Severus felt his own lips start to twitch.

“Yes.”

“Oh man. He was so pissed!” James said, recovering enough to get some words out, and wiping his eyes. “I do think he appreciated your artistry.” Severus grunted in acknowledgement.

“It was my finest moment,” he conceded.

“I don’t know,” James said pensively pouring them both more alcohol. “There was the great transfiguration incident of fifth year.” They went on discussing old pranks for about two more bottles of Scotch, both avoiding the crueler of the pranks and anything to do with Pettigrew by unspoken agreement.

It was a surprisingly enjoyable conversation, made more so with each gulp of alcohol.

“I never did understand where you got all those spells from,” James said. “You made them up! I feel like that’s cheating.”

“Cheating?” Severus said with fake indignity. “Just cause you didn’t have the intellectual prowess…”

“Intellectual prowess?” said James with a snort. “Wanna see something?” Severus nodded enthusiastically, and James stumbled up to his feet.  His drunken face scrunched in confusion, then he spun around and turned into a large stag. Severus nearly jumped off of his chair in shock.  

“Holy -”

The stag pranced around the kitchen for a moment, clearly showing off, then butt his large head against Severus’ shoulder insistently. With a laugh Severus petted the stag - who he was trying not to think of as James - on the head. The stag turned back to James and Severus almost started to pet the man’s hair. He pushed him away with a laugh.

“We did that at fifteen. How is that for intellectual prowess,” asked James smugly, sitting back in his chair. Severus was drunk so he was much more impressed with the accomplishment than he normally would have been, plus it answered a lot of questions.

“Why?” Severus asked. James’ broad smile started to fade and he looked back at his beer bottle.

“To keep Remus company when he transformed,” said James softly, running a hand through his long hair. “It was Sirius’ idea…”

James said the last part so quietly that Severus almost didn’t hear it.  The copious amounts of alcohol had made his head so fuzzy and the change in emotion had been so fast that Severus could barely keep up. Tears welled in James’ eyes.

“Are you crying?” Severus blurted out before he could think better of it. James quickly wiped at his face, but more tears came.

“Don’t cry.” Severus realized he sounded more angry than comforting. Feeling bad, he awkwardly, reached out and patted James on the shoulder stiffly.

“I’ve been so mad at Peter, but really it’s all my fault,” James said with a touch of a drunken slur. “Peter was so scared, and he tried to tell me, and I never listened. We basically forced him to join the Order. Then Sirius gets killed cause I couldn’t protect my own damn family, and it’s all my fault.” James slammed the table hard for emphasis making Severus jump.

There was a moment of intense silence where James’ pained eyes met Severus’, and Severus had the feeling that James had been needing to say that for a long time.

“Pettigrew could have not joined,” Severus said reasonably because it was the only thing he could think of to say. “Black could have not gone to help you that night. There are too many factors to lay blame.”
 
“All I know is I’m all alone now,” muttered Potter bitterly. Severus felt a swoop of indignation at that.

“All alone? You have a family: Remus, Harry, Lily. You have people who love you. You have no idea what it means to be alone.” The bitterness in Snape’s voice was even more revealing than his words, which were already plenty revealing. Only the alcohol could have made him speak so freely, and he turned away from James’ eyes, which now held concern instead of self-pity.

“You’re right,” said James softly. “I’m not alone. You aren’t either.” Severus snorted and looked away, but made no move to leave.

“I’ll never have what you have,” Severus said finally, after a long silence, realizing vaguely that he was going to hate himself in the morning for speaking. Still, he had been silent for so long he enjoyed the way the bitter words tasted on his lips.

“Severus, that’s not true, not if you want it,” James said softly, so gently concerned it enraged Severus even further by serving to mentally highlight all of his deficiencies.

“Really? What insane person would want to be part of my life?” asked Severus bitterly, on a roll now. “I was a Deatheater. I watched people die. I killed people. I’m not exactly loveable.” He looked away from James’ pale face, suddenly feeling horribly exposed.

“Hey,” James said, causing Severus took look back at him. “You are not some piece-of-shit Deatheater. I want to be a part of your life.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Severus snapped, feeling suddenly defensive in the face of James’ comfort. The thought that the man might think that he actually needed to hear words of comfort was enough to make Severus’ cheeks pink with humiliation.

“I know enough, Severus. You’re a good man. A little prickly maybe, but a good man. Regardless of whatever darkness you have or think you have, we are family, that’s unconditional love.”

“You take this life-debt thing way too seriously,” Severus said dryly, distinctly uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was taking.

“You’ve saved my life twice, you saved my wife, my kid and I’ve saved your life as well. We’ve fought battles together, if all that doesn’t create love, doesn't make us family, then I don’t know what family is for.” Severus blinked at James, not knowing how to respond to that. James face was kind even if flushed with alcohol.

“You don’t get to chose your family, Severus. I’m afraid you’re stuck with us and your wife and kids will be stuck with us.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that,” said Severus with a snort.  James looked at Severus shrewdly than leaned forward.

“Severus, Lily is not the only woman who is going to be able to see your worth.” Severus looked up at James with a swoop of horror, but James met his gaze calmly.

“You know?” sputtered Severus indignantly.

“Of course. I’ve always known. Why do you think I used to give you such a hard time?” asked James, waving off the point. “There is a woman out there who is going to see everything I see in you, everything Lily sees in you, and more. And I am going to help you find her. I am going to be your wingman!” James said with a broad smile, clearly finding this prospect exciting. Severus shook his head with a roll of his eyes and finished his Firewhiskey.

xxXXXxxx

Severus lived with the Potter’s for nearly four months. When he tried to move out the moment he could walk, Lily had called him absurd and looked so legitimately offended that he agreed to stay  ‘for a little while’. Deatheaters had torn his house apart looking for him, and finding a new place to live, buying new furniture, it all seemed like a lot of work, and so the weeks and months just kept rolling until it felt like routine.

Truthfully, though he’d never admit it, he liked living with the Potters. He had fallen into his old rapport with Lily, and he enjoyed sharing meals with her and hearing about her day at the Ministry every night. After the great Firewhiskey incident, he even liked spending time with James.

Severus had found the idea of living off of the Potter’s laughable, but both James and Lily had flat-out refused rent. And although Severus’ pride twinged slightly because of it, it did allow both him and James to be exceptionally useful to the Order, and while they weren’t working for the Order, Severus was busy carefully crafting a book on basic defence.

Still, Severs recognized he was an interloper and did his best to help out. So when Molly Weasley couldn’t watch Harry for Lily and James, Severus had reluctantly offered to watch the baby so that they could have a date night.

The whole thing was supposed to be easy. James had given Harry a bath and put on his pyjamas. Lily had tucked him in and read him a story, which he fell asleep half-way through.  They had left for the night, and Severus was very contentedly reading by a roaring fireplace, almost forgetting that the little child in question existed. The relative solitude was nice, and Severus was considering offering to make this babysitting a regular thing when he heard the baby start to cry.

Severus looked up from his book not quite knowing what to do. Letting the child cry it out, the option that meant he didn't have to leave his chair or interact with the baby, was the infinitely preferable option. So he sat in the chair and waited, holding his breath while mentally willing the crying to stop. It didn’t.

“Momma!” yelled the child through a barrage of tears. “Daddy!” Reluctantly, Severus put the book down and climbed the stairs to Harry’s room.

“Harry?” whispered Severus pushing open the door. Harry was sitting on the end of his toddler-bed looking absolutely miserable. Severus frowned, it was rare for Harry to cry so profusely, and he almost always slept through the night.

“What’s the matter?” asked Severus diplomatically before realizing that he might be over-estimating the child’s language skills. Rapidly, he tried to summon every bit of knowledge he had relating to 19-month old baby care.

 Harry looked up at him with wet, surprised eyes. Clearly, he had expected someone else to come running.

“Mommy?” he asked shyly, running his forearm across his dripping nose. Harry was happy to toddle around Severus when his parents were right beside him. Severus had picked the boy up a few times and even shot bouncing balls out of his wand for Harry to chase, but really their relationship had been one of tolerating each other’s existence. Certainly, Severus had not taken care of the boy before.

“Your parents are out,” Severus replied, trying to keep his tone light. Tears continued to roll down Harry’s face, and his lip trembled. Severus crossed the threshold of Harry’s happy, toy-filled room.

“Come on, now. Back to bed,” Severus said stiffly, realizing he wasn’t exactly being comforting. Still he hoped Harry would just drift back to sleep and this whole thing would be over with. Harry started to cry in earnest as Severus gently pushed him to lie down on the bed.

“Want Daddy,” said the boy through his tears.

“Close your eyes. They’ll be home soon,” muttered Severus, draping Harry’s covers over him.  Harry looked up at him with watery, hurt eyes. They were a little duller than usual and there were two high spots of colour on his cheek. Severus’ eyes narrowed as he looked at the baby.

“Please tell me you’re not sick,” muttered Severus as he reached out and touched Harry’s hot forehead. He began to cough. Definitely sick then. Severus sighed, planning on killing James and Lily the moment he saw them. Harry coughed again, rubbing his eyes miserably, tears starting to well-up.

“Ok, come here, it’s ok,” said Severus gently, picking the baby up. His pyjamas were damp with sweat. Reluctantly, he felt a wave of pity for the sick baby, and then prickle of fear. Maybe this wasn’t a cold. It could be something worse. It could be something that Severus could make worse. Maybe he should take Harry straight to the Children’s Ward at St. Mungos. He stopped his spiralling panic in its track. It was just a cold.

Severus took the baby into the bathroom, stripped off the his diaper and sweat-soaked pyjamas and turned on the warm water. Harry coughed again, snot all over his face. With a twinge of disgust, Severus conjured a cloth and cleaned him up.

“This will help loosen you cough,” explained Severus as he lowered Harry into the tub. It was like trying to lower a cat into a bath. The second Harry hit the water he screamed in indignation and thrashed so hard Severus almost dropped him.

“Shhh…calm down, what’s wrong with you?” asked Severus, his surprise coming out as harshness. The baby was now full on sobbing, and Severus could help but think that he had just royally screwed up.

“It’s ok. Harry, look,” said Severus desperately picking up a rubber duck and swishing his wand at it. The duck started to swim in circles around Harry, quaking happily. After a moment, the baby’s tears turned to giggles as he watched the duck.

“Duckie! Duckie,” said Harry sounding congested. He coughed again, and Severus narrowed his eyes again as he reached forward to rub Harry’s back.

“What sound does the Duck make?” asked Severus.

“Quack! Quack!” answered Harry happily, splashing through the water.

“That’s right,” Severus answered gently. Soon, Harry’s coughs began to come less frequently and  his breathing seemed to be less laboured. After twenty minutes, the steam had done all it could for Harry, and Severus plucked the baby out of the water dried him off and, after a few unsuccessful attempts, managed to wrestle a diaper on the child and put him in warm pyjamas.

“That’s better isn’t it?” muttered Severus as he did up the last of Harry’s buttons. The boy smiled around the thumb he was sucking.

“Back to bed,” ordered Severus pointing to the door. Harry reached his hand up for Severus’ and after a moment, he took it and led the child back to his room and watched as he climbed back into his bed.

“Goodnight.” Severus said stiffly when Harry looked up from his pillow expectantly. He certainly wasn’t going to kiss the boy goodnight.

Severus walked back down the stairs feeling tired and a little damp from being splashed by Harry, but rather proud of himself. He had made himself a cup tea and was just about to go back to reading when the crying started up again. Severus groaned and got to his feet. He really should have known that it had been too easy.

Harry was again crying in his bed, while coughing and looking utterly awful. He reached his hands up when he saw Severus, and Severus picked the baby up and hushed him. It didn’t work, nothing did. Severus tried everything to calm the baby down: held him, bounced him, rocked him, read to him, even sang to him (though that admittedly seemed to increase the stress of all involved). All Harry did was sob and intermittently ask for James or Lily. Severus thought he was making things worse and tried to leave the child alone, but the moment he loosened his grip Harry’s sobs turned into bellows.

The crying was so insistent it seemed like a bell was ringing in his ears. His arm was sore from lugging Harry around, and Severus was so desperate for it to stop was now shamelessly flipping through James and Lily’s potion stores for something that would knock that child out.

There was a small bottle of Meadowsweet and Severus’ hand hesitated over it. It was perfectly safe, but it was strong. He wasn’t crazy about using it on a baby.

“Mamamadadadadadmamamaadadadada” demanded Harry as Severus bounced him up and down absently, trying to calculate what an appropriate dosage would be even though he could barely think with Harry carrying on. A quarter teaspoon should be fine, maybe an eighth just to be cautious. Severus looked at the bottle, the doorway to Heaven as far as he was concerned, and pushed it back into the cupboard. He wasn’t willing to risk it.

“Down, just for a second,” cajoled Severus as he lowered Harry to the ground.

“NO!” yelled Harry screaming, and holding up his arms pathetically when he hit the ground. Severus ran a hand through his hair. Next time he babysat, which would be never, he would listen to where James and Lily said they were going so he could contact them.

 With a sigh, he flicked his wand at a bottle of milk and warmed it up, rubbing at his shoulder.

“Up! Up!” demanded Harry, pulling at Severus’ pant leg.

“Just a minute,” muttered Severus, putting away the potions ingredient, his hand mercifully settling on camomile. It wasn’t strong but it might be enough! Maybe if he -

“Sev’us!” Harry yelled again. The tenuous hold Severus had on his temper slipped.

“Harry you need to shut up!” roared Severus, feeling a disturbing strong urge to whack the child.  When he whipped around, the little toddler looked absolutely shocked and took two frightened, shaky steps backwards from Severus before smoking his head on the cupboard handle. Severus felt a swoop of horror and self-loathing as the child fell to the ground and started crying in a fresh batch of misery, pain and surprise.

“Oh no, Harry. I’m sorry.” Severus walked over to the child and picked him up. The little bundle in his arms was shaking with emotion and tears and Severus felt utterly horrid as he rubbed the baby’s back. He had yelled at a sick, overwrought baby who clearly felt terrible enough. This was a new low.

“Shhh, you’re ok. No one’s mad,” Severus said, rocking Harry to-and-fro as he did. “You can’t help it.” This was more a reminder to himself than to Harry who could barely understand Severus’ sentences.

“I’m sorry, I yelled,” whispered Severus, bouncing Harry up-and-down as he paced the kitchen lost in his own thoughts. He well remembered what it was like to be yelled at and smacked. One time he had been thrown down the stairs by his father who had been in the same frustrated, angry  rage Severus just was. He never thought he’d be the kind of man to hurt a child and the knowledge of his short-temper scared him so much that tears were sprung to his eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” he muttered again. All of the sudden he noticed that the constant sound of Harry sobbing had stopped leaving pure silence in its wake. He blinked and look down at the child who was resting a head on Severus’ shoulder and looking up at the man seriously whilst sucking his thumb. He smiled a perfect sweet smile around his thumb that made Severus’ heart lurch, and they just stared at each other for a moment. The milk started to whistle, and Severus summoned the bottle from across the room and carried Harry up to his bedroom.

“Alright,” muttered Severus sitting the rocking chair with Harry on his lap. He leaned back, glad to be off of his feet.  Harry took the bottle and began to drink it happily, mercifully unable to taste the medicine in it. With relief, Severus closed his eyes, rocked the chair gently, and absently patted Harry’s chubby leg. The rocking made Severus tired, and they stayed like that for a few moments until he heard Harry stop drinking. He forced his eyes back open to look at the baby. Harry was observing him with a little smile.

“Sev’us,” whispered Harry ,taking his thumb out of his mouth and clumsily batting at Severus’ face with it. Gently, Severus took the wet hand, and moved it away from his face. For some reason, Harry found this funny and giggled, burying his face in Severus’ shoulder.

“Story?” Harry’s smile was big and bright even though his eyes were heavy with tiredness. Severus nodded and summoned a book of stories from the bookcase.

“Once upon a time, in a land far far away there was a girl named Goldilocks…” As he told he story Harry’s eyes got heavier, and he curled further into Severus’ lap. A few pages in, Severus summoned the child’s duvet and pulled it around him, Harry sighed contentedly and wrapped the hand that wasn’t currently in his mouth around Severus’ sweater, stroking the soft fabric with his thumb. Severus trailed off mid-sentence and looked down at Harry whose eyes were beginning to flutter shut.

His nose, which Severus still found ridiculously tiny, was sluggishly weeping and Severus wiped it with the corner of his sleeve finding that germs no longer bothered him in the least. Harry’s eyes fluttered shut again and this time they didn’t reopen. There was an unexpected clenching in Severus’ heart as he looked down at the sleeping child in his lap.  Knowing he would be too tired to get up soon, he groggily pulled himself to his feet and walked to the small bed.

When he went to lower Harry down, the hand attached to his sweater gripped tighter. Really, he was going to have to come up in 10 minutes to make sure Harry wasn’t awake and sick again. He shuffled his grip, sat on the bed and laid them both back on the bed. Harry snuggled up as close as he could possibly get and pushed his face into Severus’ chest. Again, Severus felt as though his heart had turned over. Because it was dark and no one could see and ruin his reputation, Severus tenderly kissed the tousled head of hair under his chin and looped an arm over Harry. He’d get up soon. In moments, he drifted off.

Someone went to pull the warm weight off of his chest, but vaguely Severus realized that it was important and held on tightly to it, his forehead scrunching in displeasure.

“Sev, honey?” Lily whispered. Severus opened his heavy eyes to find himself in Harry’s bed with his arms wrapped protectively around the sleeping toddler on his chest.

“He’s sick,” muttered Severus tiredly, turning his head so he wouldn’t cough on the child. He closed his eyes again and listened to the general scuffling of Lily fussing over Harry. She went to pick him up again but the child whimpered, not happy to be on the edge of wakefulness or removed from his warm spot on the bed.

“S’ok, don’t wake him,” Severus said sleepily. Without thinking about it, he moved his arms to pull Harry closer and vaguely patted the little boy’s back. After a moment, Lily’s cold hand landed on Severus’ forehead. He grunted in displeasure at the touch and moved his head peevishly.

“You’re sick too,” she said softly. Severus could feel a thicker blanket being pulled over him and Harry, and he sighed.

“This ’s why I don’t cuddle,” he grumbled. Harry settled himself more securely under Severus’ chin, and he could hear Lily chuckle as he drifted back to sleep.


XXXXxxx

The Potter estate was massive, purchased at a time where land was cheap and plentiful. Severus could only just see the end of the property from the fourth floor window.  

In the winter, the vast property and old-fashioned manor seemed almost creepy in its largess. But now, spring had sprung, making the entire estate burst with life. Apple trees blossomed, flowers bloomed and the creek that ran through the middle of estate unfroze and bubbled happily.  It was so beautiful that even Severus couldn’t sit inside all day and he was currently sitting on the Potter’s patio editing the chapters of his book.

There was a loud shriek from the sky and Severus looked up to see James nose-diving to the ground on his broomstick with Harry between his arms. Severus’ heart lurched, and he whipped out his wand to stop them from crashing when James turned sharply, rounding an apple tree and charging towards where Severus was sitting on the patio. They landed hard just below the stairs to the porch, both laughing. As soon as Harry landed, he raced up at the stairs towards Severus.

“We flew! We flew!” Harry yelped excitedly, his cheeks as pink as the large rosebushes behind him.

“I saw,” said Severus with a smile. Harry clumsily tried to pull the chair out from the patio table,  but was so small to quite manage it. James pulled the chair out for the boy and was about to help the baby into it but before he could, Harry scrambled up into it himself. It was amazing to Severus how much the baby had grown, he wasn’t even really a baby anymore. The other day he had walked down all the stairs by himself.

“Your Daddy almost hit that tree,” Severus said with a smirk at James. Harry giggled.

“I did not!” replied James with a laugh. He swirled his wand and a moment later a large pitcher of lemonade and cookies burst out from the cupboard beside the door. Harry reached forward and grabbed two handfuls of them.

“Uhm, no, sir,” James said taking all but one cookie out of the little boy’s hand. Harry giggled and munched his cookie getting crumbs everywhere.

“How’s the book going?” asked James, sitting down on the chair across from Severus. He shrugged in frustration and pushed the pages toward the centre of the table. James took them and ordered them into a nice pile.

“Take a break then, here.” With a nod of thanks, Severus took the  glass of lemonade and drank it.

“Dumbly!” Harry said with a big smile, pointing behind James’ head. Both Severus and James whipped around to see Dumbledore serenely walking through the flower garden toward the patio. It was unusual for him to just show up like this, and Severus and James quickly exchanged looks of concern and got to their feet.

“Severus, James,” Dumbledore said as he approached. There was a smile on his face, but his eyes weren’t twinkling.

“Hello Harry.” Harry jumped out of his chair and ran across the patio towards the older wizard who crouched down to hug him. Dumbledore had a penchant to spoil all children and every time he saw Harry he always produced toys and candy that delighted the baby to no end. This time when he flicked his wand, a rabbit holding a basket of chocolates jumped across the patio.

“There are treats in that basket if you can catch the bunny, Harry,” Dumbledore said with a warm smile. Harry was about to run off, but James caught him by the waist.

“What do you say?” he asked.

“T’ank you!” Harry said with a grin for Dumbledore before sprinting off after the rabbit as fast as his toddler legs could carry him. The gift had the effect of taking the little boy out of earshot, and Harry’s happy shrieks contrasted painfully with the tense silence between the adults.

“My, he’s grown,” said Dumbledore softly.

“Please, sit.” James said, motioning to the table. Dumbledore did so and turned his serious blue eyes to Severus, the older wizard covered Severus’ hand with his. Severus started at the contact and felt an swell of anxiety rise up through him.

“Severus, I’m afraid I have some bad news. Your father passed away this morning,” Dumbledore said gently. Severus hadn’t thought of his father in a long time, and he felt such surprise that there wasn’t room for much else except for a vague feeling of emptiness. He blinked down at the table to collect his thoughts.

“Severus, I am so sorry,” said James from across the table. The statement brought Severus back to Earth and he extricated his hands from underneath Dumbledore’s.

“How did you find out? My father’s a Muggle,” asked Severus, desperate to turn the conversation away from condolences he didn’t need.

“We have eyes everywhere,” said Dumbledore. “Muggles with wizard next of kin get taken to Saint Mungo’s when they pass. I personally have been keeping an eye on your family since the war.” Severus nodded and cleared his throat.

“I suppose I have to collect the body, make arrangements,” said Severus, more to himself than to anyone else.

“We can go now. I’ll leave Harry with the Weasley’s,” said James vanishing the cookies and lemonade with a swish of his wand.

“No - no,” Severus said standing up and collecting his papers. “I’ll go myself.”

“Sev…” James said uncertainly, standing up as well.

“Potter, I haven’t seen my father since I was 18. There is really no need to make a fuss, so reign in the melodrama, alright?” snapped Severus, before sliding his eyes towards Dumbledore, feeling slightly guilty. Before either or them could say anything, Severus turned around and apparated on the spot.

“Yes, that’s him,” muttered Severus, looking down at the grey, wasted face of his father. He looked exactly the same as he did the last time Severus saw him: pointed beard, salt and pepper hair with almost delicate features. The only difference now was that he looked oddly waxy and deflated. Severus was surprised how terrified he used to be of him.

“Thank you,” said the pretty, blonde mortician, with a kind smile. “Now, Mr. Snape I know you may need time, but when you’re ready I’d like to talk to about the various ways we can lay your father’s body at rest.”

“Can’t you just vanish him?” asked Severus with a little more bitterness than necessary. The mortician, Severus couldn’t remember her name even though she said it multiple times, looked slightly surprised but nodded.

“If you don’t want the remains, yes we can,” she said gently. “But most people find -”

“Vanishing is fine,” Severus said shortly, not looking back down at his father’s corpse. He signed the paperwork she timidly handed to him and walked out the door without a second look down at his father.

Now he just had to deal with his father’s apartment, and he’d be on his way. No muss, no fuss.

The apartment he aparated to was a depressingly squalid and small bachelor pad. There was one threadbare easy-chair pointed towards an old television set. A dingy kitchen that had not been thoroughly cleaned in a while and an unmade single bed. There weren’t many personal effects, but somehow clutter seemed to exist everywhere, little piles of newspapers, old boxes of take-out. Not gross old, just the clutter of a man who knew he wasn’t expecting any company and had no reason to keep his place clean.

The boxes vanished with a swish of his wand. Moodily, he sat down on the chair and summoned the bottle of whiskey he knew his father would have. As he drank, he started vanishing random objects with his wand. He shouldn’t have come, surely he could’ve hired someone to do this. There was nothing in this place he wanted to keep. No memories he wanted. Unconsciously, he rubbed the wrist his father had snapped against a doorframe, it still twinged in the cold sometimes.

Sitting here was like looking at his depressing future. No family. A solo apartment that someone resentfully cleaned, a vanished body. At this rate, he wouldn’t even leave behind a son to feel a reluctant twinge of pity and emptiness when he died. He was half-way through his second glass of whiskey when there was a knock at the door. Warily, he got to his feet and gripped his wand.

“Sev? It’s Lily.” Severus swallowed and dropped his wand to his side. Fucking Potter. The handle turned, and she entered the apartment, wearing the serious, black robes she usually donned for Court. Severus scowled and turned back to vanish a pile of dishes in the kitchen. Aside from vaguely embarrassed about he state of his father’s apartment, he had no idea how he felt about her being there.

“What are you doing here?” asked Severus, a little sharply.

“No-one should have to do this alone,” said Lily, folding a blanket that had been left on the floor. Alone. That word seemed to be haunting him recently.

“Lily, it’s fine. It’s not like I cared about the man,” Severus said vanishing a pile of junk. Lily didn’t reply to that, she just raised her wand and started to organize the debris in various neat piles.

Severus dumped out the contents of his father’s rickety side-table. There wasn’t much,  a couple receipts, a sweet wrapper, Kleenex and a thick mystery novel. Severus snorted a little at Tobias’ dismal taste in literature and leafed through it. A small square fluttered to the ground with the picture of a little boy on it. For the briefest of moments, Severus was certain that it was a picture of him, but it was simply a ripped part of a flyer that his father had used as a bookmark. The little boy in the ad looked more happy than Severus had ever been.

“Honey, are you alright?” Lily asked softly, coming to sit beside him on the floor. Severus realized that he had been staring at the picture in silence for a few moments. He cleared his throat and vanished the picture and the rest of the contents of the side table.

“Fine,” he said. He went to wave his wand again, but Lily reached over and stilled his hand. He looked up at her, surprised at the contact. She didn’t remove it.

“I know you and your Dad didn’t get on,” she said softly. “But there is no shame in feeling sad about his death.”

“And is there shame in not feeling sad,” snapped Snape defensively, rising to his feet.

“Of course not,” Lily replied easily.”Though if you were really unaffected, you might be acting less like a git.” Severus humphed and crossed his arms, but wasn’t quite able to keep his lips from twitching. As always, her cocked head and small smiled immediately doused the defensive flames he erected around himself.

“You can’t call me a git, my father just died,” he replied. Lily smiled at him and patted the floor beside her, with an air of reluctance he sat back down beside her.

He had tried to rack his memories for good moments with the man, but honestly, the best memories Severus had of his father were of him ignoring the fact that Severus existed, and even those were painful.

One time he had bought Severus a chocolate bar and let Severus crawl into his lap and eat the whole thing in one sitting. Severus still remembered the way his father’s eyes had crinkled when he smiled down at him. He also remembered that Tobias had had gotten the chocolate bar because he felt bad for beating the crap out of Severus the night before in a drunken rage. When he handed over the chocolate bar, he promised it would never happen again, which was a lie.

“He was an awful father,” Severus said after a moment.

“I’m sorry,” Lily said softly, touching his hand again. This time he didn’t start, and when she wrapped her thin fingers around his to squeeze his hand, he squeezed back. It felt nice that she was there with him, better than being alone, which was new for Severus, and he realized with a start that what he was feeling regarding his father was a deep sense of loneliness.

“I suppose it’s just odd having being the only Snape. It’s not as though we spoke in years, but I knew that I had family somewhere - now I don’t” he trailed off and scratched the back of his neck, not even knowing what he was trying to say. He was a ship adrift, with no one obligated to care about him anymore.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that,” replied Lily with another gentle smile.

“Come on, I have something to show you,” Lily said patting his arm gently.

“But the apartment,” said Severus without any real conviction.

“I’ll deal with it,” she said touching his shoulder blade again. Severus nodded tiredly, standing up. They both aparated back to the Potter estate, leaving the sad, lonely apartment behind.

“There they are!” said Arthur Weasley as soon as Severus felt his feet make contact with the grassy lawn.  Severus blinked towards the sound of the voice to orient himself. Remus was standing beside James, and Dumbledore was conjuring butterflies for Harry and the three youngest Weasley boys to chase.

“See Sev, your family’s all here,” she said in a low-voice as he took in the people and food with no small amount of confusion.

“Mamma!” Harry yelled nearly falling over in his excitement to get to his mother. She swooped him up with a laugh before hugging Ron and the twins who had ran up behind Harry.

“Oh Severus,” said a very pregnant Molly Weasley walking up and hugging him. Taken aback, Severus patted her back awkwardly. She had always been kind to him, always spooning out extra food on his plate, and giving unsolicited advice, but that didn’t explain why she was here or hugging him. “I’m so sorry to hear.”

“Uh- Thank you,” Severus said uncertainly, looking around the lawn. A large farm-table sat on the lawn in front of the patio, covered in food.

“Come eat. We’ve got lots of food,” she said putting an arm around his shoulder and leading him to the table maternally. As they approached, Remus got off of his chair and put down the beer he was drinking.

“Remus? I thought you were in New York until Christmas,” said Severus, hugging the man back quickly.

“I was - I came as soon as I heard,” Remus replied, almost sounding bemused at Severus’ surprise. “Is there anything I can do?”

“What?” said Severus still in shock at all the people. “Of course not. What would you do?” Remus pat him on the back with a friendly pat.

“How about I just get you a beer for starters?” he said warmly. drawing him towards the table. Hesitantly, Severus nodded and sat down at the farm table bench.

“Severus, my condolences,” said Arthur, his glasses askew and one twin over each shoulder. Severus nodded and watched the man run off, bemused.

“You seem a little overwhelmed, my boy,” Dumbledore said, sitting beside him on the bench.

“What is all this? Why is everyone here?” asked Severus finally, looking around again at all the people.

“This? Why this is your family, Severus. Though I can only definitively speak for myself, I assume everyone is here because they love you,” explained Dumbledore, patting him on the shoulder. Severus snapped his head up at the word. His own father had never said it but Dumbledore apparently had no problem saying it out of nowhere. The frantic stare Severus gave Dumbledore was returning with a calm, twinkling one.

“Don’t look so shocked, Severus. Surely it is not a surprise that people love you, no one has been exactly subtle about it.”

“Sev,” Remus said levitating a beer towards him. Severus grabbed it of the air with a nod of thanks and opened it. Dumbledore sat with him in companionable silence: the smell of James’ barbecue wafted down from the porch, Remus was talking to Lily’s stomach so apparently that cat was out of the bag, the children played happily under the watchful eye of the Arthur Weasley and every few moments Molly came out with a large bowl of salad or cutlery. It was a cool night, but still warm enough to enjoy the very beginnings of the sunset. It would have been the perfect night if his Dad hadn’t died.
 
“Food’s up,” James said cheerily. There was the general cacophony of people sitting down at the table passing dishes. Harry ran climbed up on the seat beside Severus, his face streaked with mud.

“What have you done to yourself,” Severus asked with a laughing picking the boy up and placing him on his lap.

“We run,” explained Harry as Severus took out a handkerchief and started wiping off his muddy face and hands. “Fred felled down.”

“Fred fell down?” asked Dumbledore holding out a lemon drop. Harry nodded not noticing the correction and happily took the candy.

“Yeah, Fred fell down - T’ank you”

“You’re going to spoil his supper,” admonished Severus as he started to rub a particularly stubborn streak of dirt.

“Ah Severus, when you get to be my age you too will be able to give children all the candy and love in the world without concerning yourself with spoiling them. It’s a wonderful luxury.” Severus rolled his eyes and held a squirming Harry tighter, still rubbing at the streak on his cheek.

“Stay still.” Harry looked up at him, smile, then quite unexpectedly leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

“Love you,” he said sweetly. A lump jumped suddenly to Severus throat and he swallowed it down with supreme difficulty as he looked down at the toddler who had wormed his way steadily into his heart. Harry just beamed back at him.

“I love you too,” Severus replied in an odd, soft voice, kissing Harry on the head. It was more than his father had ever said to him and the words seemed foreign to him. But he didn’t want to be a lonely old man who died alone. He could be more than that, or at least he felt he could when Harry smiled up at him like that.