Harry seemed to hover for a particularly long moment between unconsciousness and wakefulness. A vague soreness pulsated through his limbs along with a frigid dampness on his back. His head and right wrist hurt so much that he barely encoded the anxious, feminine voice speaking above him. With a groan and supreme effort, he opened his eyes.

The image he awoke to was not the one he expected. Three young faces hovered inches above his, blocking out the sunny sky beyond them.

“Harry! Are you alright?” one of the children asked. She was the oldest of them but still looked a few years younger than Harry. She had long, dark hair, a smattering of freckles on her pale nose and serious, hazel eyes that were crinkled in concern. There was something oddly familiar about her.

“I’m – I think I’m ok,” answered Harry shakily trying to sit up. The pounding in his head made him groan and fall back onto the snow he was lying on. He looked at the children again, gasping when his eyes focused on the little boy. He couldn’t have been older than seven, but he looked exactly like a better-dressed Harry did at that age. The only thing missing was the scar.

“Who are you?” Harry asked the little boy in awe. Alarm blossomed in the boy’s eyes, and he quickly looked to the older girl for direction. The youngest, a pre-school aged girl with an amber bob peeking out from under her white hat and a dripping, red nose, started to cry.

“DADDY!” she shrieked causing Harry’s head to feel like a million little explosions had just gone off in his brain.

“Grace, don’t yell,” admonished the older girl before she turned her attention back to Harry.  She took his gloved hand in hers.

“Don’t worry, Harry. You’ve just hit your head. It’ll all be ok.” Her face was understanding and kind, and even though she was younger than him, he was inclined to listen to her.  Vaguely, Harry heard footsteps through the snow. The other children did too, because their heads snapped up at the sound. The youngest girl jumped to her feet and started to cry in earnest as she ran towards the approaching figure.

“What happened?” a male, adult voice asked worriedly. Like everything else, the voice was vaguely familiar. It was like these people surrounding him were actors he had seen in movie long ago, not recognizable persay, but not completely forgotten either.

“He fell off of his broom,” said the older girl who was still holding Harry’s hand. “Sirius dared him to try the Wronski Feint, and he couldn’t pull up in time.”

“Did not!” yelped the Boy-Who-Looked-So-Like-Harry guiltily.

“Did too!” the girl shrieked back indignantly. “Daddy, he did. Harry said he could do it ‘cause Charlie taught him, and Sirius said he couldn’t, and he crashed, and now he can’t remember anything.”

“Alright, Amelia, it’s alright, I’ll figure out who to yell at later. Take Sirius and Grace inside please.” The voice was close to Harry now, and the children scattered to make room immediately.

He didn’t have time to consider the voice further when a face Harry had only seen in pictures swam into view. It was lined with age and drawn with worry, but it was undoubtedly the face of James Potter. His slightly skewed glasses, warm hazel eyes and messy hair were unchanged. A swooping rush of anxiety, pleasure and something else Harry couldn’t quite identify swirled in his stomach as he gaped at his father.

“Dad?” whispered Harry in disbelief, he blinked hard to clear the vision, but when he opened his eyes his Dad was there.

“Where does it hurt, love?” asked James gently, running a hand through Harry’s hair to check for lumps. His father was dead. This Harry knew for sure, and he couldn’t help but stare in bewilderment.

“Harry?” prompted James again looking at Harry with concern. Swallowing thickly, Harry found his voice.

“M-my head and my arm mostly,” whispered Harry, relieved his voice was still how he remembered it. James felt Harry’s wrist, sending a shock of pain through Harry who yelped slightly.

“It’s broken,” said James with a sigh. He wordlessly lit his wand and held it up to Harry’s eyes. The intrusion caused Harry to cringe and look away. “And a concussion. Ok, love, to St. Mungo’s we go.”

He wormed a hand under Harry’s back and helped him sit up. The sensation made Harry feel dazed for a moment, and he blinked to clear the spots from his eyes. Before he could fully adjust, James seized him under the armpits and lifted him up onto his hip like a much younger child. James mistook Harry’s gasp of shock for one of pain and rubbed his back in a small, calming circle.

“I know it hurts, love,” James said in a soothing, voice. “It’ll feel better soon.” Hoisted across his father’s chest only served to make Harry feel crazier. He could smell the subtle leathery scent of cologne and see the faint stubble on James’ chin. Even though his father had run out into the snow in only his shirt, heat still radiated through to Harry and he could feel every breath James took. It was all so real.

Harry remained in shocked silence as James collected Harry’s ‘siblings’, none of whom Harry recognized, and took them all to the bright, St. Mungo’s waiting room. They were admitted quickly, and now Harry was sitting in a surprisingly comfortable hospital bed, listening guiltily while James softly lectured Sirius.

“He could have done himself a serious injury,” James said.

“He didn’t have to do it!” replied Sirius moodily, crossing his arms. Outside the door, a little witch in a pink jumper was crying on her Mother’s shoulder as the harried looking woman tried fruitlessly to calm her. Harry blinked at the image. He was so concerned with what this odd world was, that he had not even thought about the most important thing.

“Dad, where’s Mom?” Harry asked hesitantly. James looked at him with some concern.

“She’s in Court, honey. She’ll be here soon. You don’t remember?” James asked furrowing his brow. Harry just shook his head negatively, wincing when it burned.

“Harry doesn’t remember anything,” Grace said matter-of-factly. James’ eyes blossomed in alarm, the same way Sirius’ had earlier, but before he could say anything, the door opened to reveal an old, Indian man whose hair was going white in green doctors robes.

“I was wondering when I was going to get my monthly visit from the Potters,” said the Healer with a warm smile, at the room. “What trouble have you lot gotten yourself into this time?” He asked looking at Harry.

“I’m not really sure,” Harry admitted softly.

“He fell off his broom,” said Amelia, quickly. “He hit his head and his wrist. See, it's all swollen.”

“Alright, Harry, follow the light at the end of my wand,” said the Healer. Harry did as he was told, still unable to shake the deep uncertainty in his gut.

“Good,” muttered the Healer.

“Just a nasty bump on the head, nothing that shouldn’t clear up in a few days time. Consider yourself lucky, Harry. We wizards may be less susceptible to brain injuries but we can snap a neck just as easily as a Muggle,” Healer Harris said firmly.

“Yes, sir,” Harry said nervously. The Healer arched an eyebrow at this, but before he could say anything, James cut in.

“He’s been having some memory issues, apparently,” James said. He was trying to keep his voice level and calm for the sake of Harry and the other children, but Harry could see the anxiousness on his face.

“I-I remember. It’s just different,” explained Harry, wanting to calm everyone down. Feeling a little stupid, he turned to James, who nodded seriously giving Harry the confidence to continue. “I lived with my Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon, and I didn’t have any siblings, and -" Harry trailed off, turning to James.

“And you were dead. Mom too,” added Harry in a whisper. “Voldemort killed you.” James’ eyebrows flew up to his hairline in surprise, then he cleared his throat and shuffled closer to Harry.

“I’m not sure what books you’ve gotten your hands on, love; but I assure you, your Mom and I are very much alive. And Voldemort has been gone for quite some time now,” James said in a placating tone.

“And I don’t know what world we’d be in where we’d send you to live with your Aunt Petunia.  I’d rather think a nice Goblin family would be more suitable. Don’t tell your Mother I said that.” James said with a playful wink as he smoothed down Harry’s covers. There was at least some logic in that, and Harry gave a shaky smile in response.

“The last thing I remember was going to get a potion from Professor Snape,” Harry muttered rubbing his head.

“Professor Snape?” James said with a little snort. Before Harry could ask why that was funny, Grace came up beside the bed.

“You thought Mommy and Daddy were dead?” Grace asked, horrified. Both her and Sirius were now looking up at Harry with fearful, wide-eyes. Grace’s lower lip was starting to tremble, and Harry felt an inexplicable urge to comfort her.

“And I was never born?” Sirius continued, instead of his lips trembling, they drew back in anger. “But I’ve known you forever. You have to remember. Is he going to get better?” Sirius said addressing the Healer now with surprising fierceness considering his age. James drew Sirius on to his lap, to calm him, but fixed the Healer with an equally intent look.

“Trouble recalling, visions, these are all common with head injuries, especially with Wizards” said Healer Harris, patting Harry on the shoulder. “Your magic is just confused and trying to reorient itself. I’ll keep you overnight for observation, but I’m certain you just need plenty of rest. I’ll leave some pain killers with your father.”  

Harry nodded mutely, feeling a sense of relief. If he was crazy or if something was really wrong, the healer would have been able to tell. James nodded and watched the Healer leave before turning a tired smile to Harry.

“Why don’t you take one of these now and get some sleep,” James said holding one of the vials out. Harry took it and looked at it hesitantly.

“Millie play with Sirius and Grace, ok?” James said gently pushing Sirius off of his lap towards the corner. Amelia took them obediently, and when they were out of earshot, James shuffled closer and brushed the bangs off of Harry’s forehead.

“What’s the matter, love?” asked James, concerned.

If this was all some wonderful dream, going to sleep might end it. He hadn’t seen his mother yet. He didn’t know his siblings and all he knew about his father was that the man cared about him and was worried that he was hurting. It was an entirely knew experience for Harry.

“Harry?” prompted James.

“What if – what if I go to sleep someone makes me go back and then I won’t be here anymore, and I won’t see you anymore,” asked Harry. The statement barely made sense even to him but his father, sensing his anxiety, took it in with due gravitas.

“You’re really worried about that, aren’t you, sweetheart?” said James, leaning forward on his chair. Harry glanced over his father’s face for a sign he was being mocked, but there was only compassionate concern. After a moment, he nodded. James sighed and scratched the back of his head thoughtfully.

“Alright.” James leaned forward and took Harry’s hand in his. “I promise I’ll be right here the whole time you are asleep, and if anyone or anything tries to take you anywhere, I won’t let them.” Even though Harry knew that James wasn’t seriously expecting anything to happen, there was a protective glint in his eyes that put his words beyond suspicion. Harry uncorked the vial, and drank it in a few sips.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up. So will your Mom,” James said reassuringly. “Snuggle in now.”  The pain reliever cleared up the slight throbbing in Harry’s head and made a woozy, tiredness surround his brain. He shifted down under the warm covers and smiled when James tucked the blanket more firmly around his shoulders.

“I love you, kiddo,” whispered James, planting a gently kiss on Harry’s forehead. A suspicious tightness constricted Harry’s throat. No one had ever told him that they loved him before.

“Love you too, Dad,” Harry choked out. The last thing he saw before sleep pulled him under, was his father staring down at him in concern.

A graying monster launched forward towards Harry seizing him around the throat and throwing him against a wall. Professor Snape was hung up like a graying piece of laundry, tubing filled with thick, black liquid jutted out of his veins and arms. Pain shot through Harry and he couldn’t take a full breath. He tried to scream, but nothing came out.

“Harry! Harry!” someone called urgently. Harry was still screaming when he dimly came aware of the dark hospital room and the concerned face of his father staring down at him. He breathed rapidly, the vision doing nothing for his fear. The dream was real. Snape was hurt, and if Harry stayed here and didn’t get help he’d die. He tried to get out of bed, but James held him down.

“It’s alright, Harry, it was just a dream,” he said firmly but gently.

“No, it’s not,” said Harry, trying desperately to explain. “There was this monster and it got Snape and it made my arm freeze. He’s going to die. This isn’t my real life.” Harry felt his lip quiver ominously at the assertion. There weren’t words to describe how much he wished that this was all real; but Harry learned early on that he didn’t get his wishes.

“Oh, love,” James whispered, gathering Harry up into his arms. He tried to resist but the hug was firm. “It’s alright, everything is alright. Bumps on the head make us think funny things sometimes.” James continued in a murmur rocking Harry slightly. “I’ve been there. Once I took a bludger to the head and couldn’t remember Hogwarts or my own name for a week.” The certainty Harry felt began to wane and his forehead scrunched in confusion.

The dream had seemed so real, but so did this. James’ heart beat under Harry’s ear, a touch faster than normal, in reaction to Harry’s stress. Harry breathed deeply, smelling the woody scent of James’ cologne and feeling the warmth of his muscular arms around him. Even in his wildest fantasies, Harry wasn’t sure he could create a life this vivid and realistic. A voice in his head reminded him that thoughts of his past life had been vivid too. Then again the past nightmare he had had been choppy and disorganized. Could it all just be in his head? When he was here, being held by his father, hearing his heart thump, it certainly seemed that way.

He was almost calm when the door creaked open and Lily stepped through holding two coffees, sneakily as though she was worried about waking him. When she saw he was awake, she smiled broadly.

Forget his heart racing, it basically stopped as he took in the vision of mother hungrily. All thoughts of Snape and his dream simply slid away.

“Hi sweetheart,” she said, as though he hadn’t been dead for ten years of his life. “How are you feeling? I heard you have had quite the day.”

“I - I’m good. I feel fine,” he whispered. He was so disoriented when he first saw his Dad that he couldn’t really consider the impression he made. Now he felt a rush of concern that his mother wouldn’t like him.

“You scared the hell out of me,” Lily said, reaching forward and running her thumb over his  cheekbone, with an ease of someone who had done that same thing time and time again.

 “No more brooms. I’m not sure my heart could take it if I get a call like that again, ” She said fiercely. “Nothing bad is ever supposed to happen to you.”

“You can’t take his broom,” James said indigently, his arms still wrapped around Harry’s shoulder. Lily rolled her eyes, and handed James the second coffee.

No one had ever cared this much about him, Harry abruptly realized. All the times he remembered being sick at the Dursley’s, he had been thrown in the cupboard with no comfort or affection. The thought of Uncle Vernon anxiously keeping watch as his father had done was ludicrous. Aunt Petunia had never felt an overwhelming concern for his well-being or any duty to prevent him from being injured as his mother did. Harry decided that there was no way he could imagine being this loved because he had no experience with the feeling. It was all just a stupid bad dream. This was where he belonged.

“I’m ok,” Harry said, smiling up at Lily. “A little hungry actually.” Lily tapped Harry’s cheek and smiled in approval.

“Get some more sleep, and as soon as the Healer clears you to go, we’ll go home and I’ll make you some pancakes” James said, ruffling Harry’s thick hair.

“Pancakes are my favourite,” said Harry smiling between them.

“I know,” James said with a laugh, squeezing his shoulder. “That’s why I’m making them.”

A few hours later, Healer Harris let Harry go after assuring his parents multiple times that his head was fine and that the memories would return with ample rest and relaxation. They had set him up under a bunch of blankets, on a couch by a roaring fireplace, and even though his head was sore and he felt confused, he never felt more at peace.

He had spent most of the day playing with his siblings, sleeping and wandering around the big, old manor. It was old-fashioned, passed down from Harry’s grandparents from their grandparents from their grandparents and so on. Harry couldn’t help but be savagely pleased that it was so much bigger than Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon’s house.

The best part was that he had, for the first time in his recollection, his own room. It was painted a bright, cheerful blue and had a big bed with a thick striped duvet. One wall was completely covered with a huge bookcase filled with books and trinkets, across from the bed was a chest of drawers filed with clean, fashionable clothes in his size and covered in pictures. There was one double portrait frame that caught Harry’s eye immediately. On the left side, he was a chubby baby, smiling back from Lily’s arms as James wrapped an arm around her and dangled his fingers in front of Harry to amuse him. On the other side, a good-looking man with dark, thick hair and grey eyes held Harry on his lap, blew raspberries onto his stomach, then looked up at the camera and laughed heartily.

A knock on the door burst Harry out of his reverie. James was standing their smiling at him.

“Hey monkey, are you ready for dinner?” he asked. Harry nodded and placed the picture carefully back on the bureau.

Even better than having clothes that didn’t embarrass him and a kitchen full of food he was welcome to, was having people who actually wanted to share a house with him.

A wealth of moving pictures hung on the kitchen wall, and Harry kept glancing at photos of himself holding his siblings as babies, sitting on his father’s shoulders in front of the Eiffel Tower and being kissed by his mother, hoping that the memories would come back to him. They didn’t. He was so engrossed in examining the pictures and eating the Shepard’s Pie that he was barely listening as his Mom talked about work with his father.

“It’s nice of the Weasleys to have the whole Department. Arthur has always been so generous,” said Lily, cutting up the pie on Grace’s plate. Harry’s head jerked up at the name.

“The Weasleys? Ron Weasley?” asked Harry urgently. His Mom looked at him, her mouth rounded in shock.

“You remember your friend, but not me!” Sirius asked indignantly. Amelia hit him on the shoulder and he shrugged.

“The Weasleys are practically family. Harry’s known Ron his whole life. He can’t control what he remembers and what he can’t.” Relief spread through Harry in hearing that Ron was still his best friend. It was a comforting constant to have.

“They’re having a party tomorrow,” Harry said quickly, looking between his parents. “Can we go?” James and Lily exchanged uncertain looks, even as Harry’s siblings joined Harry in expressing excitement.

“Well love, we were going to, but we’re supposed to see your Aunt and Uncle tomorrow for lunch. I think it might be a little too much excitement for you for one day” said James gently after a moment. Harry felt his face fall. For some reason, finding that constant point with his dream life seemed almost necessary.

“We can skip lunch” Sirius said, a wide smile, hopeful smile on his face. Amelia and Grace threw hopeful looks at their parents, but quailed at the stern look on Lily’s face.

“Christmas is a time for family,” replied Lily tightly, sending the casserole dish sailing across the room into the sink with a little more force than necessary.  For once, Harry knew what his siblings were talking about and was able to share in the wordless grimace at the thought of spending Christmas with the Dursleys.

“Can we go to the Weasleys, just for a while?” Harry begged, hating that he was already asking his parents for things. Lily reached forward and cupped Harry’s cheek fleetingly.

“We’ll see how you feel tomorrow, sweetheart,” she said ushering them up. “Now come on, Harry needs his rest. It’s time to get ready for bed.”

“Feel better,” Amelia whispered hugging him carefully around the neck as though she was worried about breaking him.

“We’ll play tomorrow,” Sirius said, hugging him as well. Grace kissed Harry wetly on the cheek.

“Love you,” she said sweetly, with a wide smile on her face.

“You too,” he whispered faintly, touching the wet spot on the cheek in a bit of daze. As she smiled and raced up the stairs with the rest of Harry’s siblings, he was surprised to find that he meant it.

Hours later, Harry awoke to the feel of his bed dipping. He could smell the subtle, warm vanilla scent of his mother’s perfume.

“Mom?” muttered Harry. He forced his eyes open to blink blearily up at her. Her red hair was bound up in a braid and the room was black, though Harry could tell it was his room at his home. He must have been asleep for a while.

“Shh, drink this, lovey,” whispered Lily. Harry obeyed and swallowed the thick potion she held to his lips without question. It tasted like the dirty dishwater Aunt Petunia held his head under once. Harry grimaced and stuck out his tongue. He was rewarded with a soft chuckle.

“I know, it’s gross,” soothed Lily, pushing the hair out of his eyes and holding out a water glass for him to drink from. Harry did so gratefully then fell back on the pillow.

“Close your eyes,” she whispered gently, continuing to gently stroke his hair. It was soothing and made Harry feel deeply tired.

“Time z’it?” asked Harry sleepily, allowing his eyes to close.

“Late,” whispered Lily. “It’s Christmas.” This, Harry realized, was his first good Christmas memory.

“I like spending Christmas with you,” muttered Harry, turning over a little in his covers. Just as Harry teetered on the edge of sleep, Lily stopped stroking his hair and stretched out on the bed beside him, laying her arm over his shoulder. A moment later, Harry heard his bedroom door creak open.

“Isn’t he getting a little big for this?” James whispered from the doorway, a thread of laughter in his voice.

“No,” Lily muttered into Harry’s hair. There was a sigh from the doorway, then footsteps, and moments later, Harry felt the bed dip as James lay out beside him. His father’s chest was right by his nose, and when James wrapped his arm around both him and Lily, Harry took advantage of being presumed asleep and snuggled under his father’s chin. The heartbeat thumped reassuringly under his ear.

“Mm…you’re right,” said James sleepily, laying a quick kiss on the crown of Harry’s head, “This is perfect.” Harry smiled to himself and allowed the steady thump, thump, thump of his father’s heartbeat to pull him into sleep.

Before Harry woke later Christmas morning, he felt the distinct uncomfortable sensation of being very carefully watched.

“Harry, wake up,” hissed Sirius. Instantly, Harry jerked awake to see Sirius and Grace, inches away from his face looking at him impatiently.

“It’s Christmas, Harry!” Grace said conspiratorially, her hazel eyes wide. “You haven’t forgotten Christmas, have you? It’s wonderful.”

“Don’t be stupid, Gracie. Of course he hasn’t forgotten Christmas,” said Sirius, rolling his eyes a little. “We can’t open our gifts until you get up. So get up,”

“I have presents?” asked Harry an awe. No one had ever bought him presents worth anything before. Sirius looked at Harry as though he was purposefully trying to be stupid.

“Of course you have presents. It’s Christmas,” Sirius explained impatiently. Unable to contain himself, Harry jumped out of bed. Before he followed Sirius out the door, Grace reached up and took his hand in hers with a smile. Feeling oddly touched, he smiled back at her and allowed her to pull him out of his room and down the stairs.

“Loveys, didn’t I tell you to let your brother sleep!” asked Lily from where she was drinking her coffee at the kitchen table. A look at the clock told Harry it was only 7 am. James, looking bleary-eyed eyed was cooking breakfast in the kitchen with Amelia.

“We waited a whole hour!” explained Sirius walking over to his mother with a playful grin on his face. She smirked at him indulgently and pulled out her chair, allowing the small boy to climb up onto her lap.

“Breakfast first,” Lily said gently, resting her chin on his head and looking up to Harry. “Happy Christmas, sweetheart. How are you feeling?” Harry beamed back at her.

 “Good,” answered Harry honestly. The pounding in his head was almost non-existent and the pain of the broken arm was only a slight twinge.

“Breakfast is ready!” said James from the kitchen. “Come get it. Harry, sit down I’ll bring you yours.” Harry slid into the seat beside Lily’s abandoned one and watched as James scooped out servings of breakfast strata and sausages on to the various plates being held out to him. After he scooped the last of the breakfast on to Lily’s plate, he leaned over and kissed him deeply. Grace’s plate tipped dangerously towards the floor, and James quickly broke off the kiss.

“Sirius, mind your sister,” James said absently, before kissing Lily again. Sirius gave them a look of disgust, but obediently took Grace’s plate out of her hand and ushered her to the table. When all the children had been seated and their parents still continued to kiss, Amelia coughed loudly.

“Mom, Harry’s going to starve,” she said diplomatically. Reluctantly James pulled apart from Lily and whispered something in her ear that made her giggle and blush.

“Dadddddy!” whined Grace getting laughs from James and Lily.

“Alright, alright,” James said, walking over and placing Harry’s well-filled plate in front of him.

“Happy Christmas, love,” he said, dropping a kiss on Harry’s head. They ate quickly, at the instance of Sirius, who had to be continually coerced into taking one more bite. Finally, Lily was satisfied that he had eaten enough to run into the living room and start tearing apart his stocking.

Harry’s eyes nearly bulged out of his head at the sight of the living room. There were so may presents underneath the tree that the bottom branches were getting tangled up in them. James flicked his wand at the tree and little faeries making the tree light up started to change colour and circle the tree. Six large stockings sat under the tree, each with a present under them, Gracie and Sirius were already attacking their stockings. Amelia politely looked to her parents for permission.

“Go on, monkey,” said James, smiling fondly as he watched her run head-long for the stockings in a rare display of giddiness.

“She’s so sweet,” whispered James thoughtfully. “I’m not so sure she’s mine.” Lily winked rather saucily at James then wrapped her arm around Harry.

“Harry, come on, stockings!” Sirius called. Harry obediently took his place between his siblings, reached out and pulled out a red stocking with a hand-stiched HARRY on it. He ran a hand over the stitching, feeling an embarrassing prickle of emotion.

“You’re supposed to open it,” Amelia explained kindly.

“Thanks,” said Harry a touch sharper than he meant to. He judiciously pulled out a mandarin orange, a variety of candies and chocolates, some new socks, underwear and a few other nicknacks. Underneath the stocking was a brightly wrapped package from Santa. Following Sirius’ lead, Harry tore it open to a find a brand new Firebolt under the wrappings.

“Wow!” yelped Sirius, abandoning his present half-way through opening it to look at Harry’s broomstick. “Can I ride it?!”

“Absolutely not. Given recent events I have half a mind to return that and let Harry stick with his Cleansweep,” said James from the couch, running a hand up and down Lily’s arm as she curled up against his side. “Professor McGonagall, however, insists that would be overly harsh for the youngest Quidditch player in a century.” There was a glow of pride on James’ face that made Harry grin.

“Thank you,” Harry said, running a hand over the broomstick in awe.

“It’s from Santa, remember?” Grace said hugging the large pink unicorn she just unwrapped.

“Cool! Thanks Santa!” said Sirius, holding up an extremely potent-looking Potion set.

“You are only allowed to use that with me, your mother or your Uncle. Got it?” said James. Sirius nodded distractedly and started to riffle through the kit.

“Mommy! Santa forgot magic” yelled Grace holding out the large pink unicorn she had gotten.

“Bring it here then.” Lily touched the unicorn with her wand and it sprung to life, running  excited circles around a delighted Grace. Silently, Amelia poured over instructions for her brand new camera, carefully reading every word.

“Can we do one more?” begged Sirius, with the air of someone who already knew their request was no good.

“Not until everyone arrives,” said James firmly standing up and stretching. “They should be here soon. Go get changed, I’ll start the cooking.” With that, he picked Sirius and Gracie up with either arm and walked them over to the stairs.

“Are you going to help me, pet?” James asked Amelia, she nodded eagerly and bolted back towards the kitchen. “And you just stay there,” James said with a smile to Lily who raised her cup of coffee in acknowledgement and settled back on the couch with a contended sigh.

Almost two hours later, while Harry was surprising enjoying himself with Grace and her unicorn, there was a sharp knock at the door.

“They’re here!” Grace squealed in pleasure, leaving Harry alone with the large, pink unicorn. Sirius and Amelia were mere steps behind her. Vaguely, Harry wondered who the new arrival was as the group disappeared into the entrance.

“Uncle Severus!” shrieked Grace. Harry’s jaw dropped to the floor comically even though there was no one around to see it. Uncle Severus. Maybe Severus was a common name in the Wizarding World. That had to be it.

“What are you doing opening the door without knowing who it is?” asked Snape in his unmistakable silky voice. This should have sent Grace running for cover but instead she giggled. James strode out of the kitchen across the living room to the entrance, wearing a large smile.

“I knew it was you!” she replied.

“We did!” insisted Sirius.

“Did you now? Well you’d better come give me a hug then,” replied Snape with a little laugh. This surprised Harry to the point that he actually got up off the living room floor and snuck up against the wall to peer at the entrance the moment his father passed.

“Happy Christmas, Snapes!” boomed James.

In the doorway, a beautiful, small-featured Asian woman, slim but for her heavily pregnant belly was holding a large bag of gifts and hugging Amelia.

“Happy Christmas, Potter,” said Snape with an easy smile as he embraced James. More surprising than the fact that Snape was hugging Harry’s father like an old friend, was that he was doing so while holding a small boy who must have been only a few months younger than Grace.

“And how are you, Mikey?” James asked taking the small boy out of Snape’s arms. “Have you gotten tonnes of presents from Santa?” Michael smiled shyly at James and nodded, as Severus watched him fondly.

“Brilliant!” exclaimed James turning to hug the unknown woman hello. “How are you, Polly?”

Now that Snape was no longer being hidden by his son or James, Harry could truly observe him. He looked different. His hair was shorter but not dramatically so, though it was noticeably less greasy. He wore a green sweater and dark jeans under a thick black cloak he was currently taking off. Most striking was the fact that he was smiling and talking casually, giving him a sociable air that the Snape Harry remembered so obviously lacked.

There was a cacophony of different conversations, bursts of laughs and loud noises as hugs and greetings were exchanged so enthusiastically that Harry could barely make out the separate conversations. It wasn’t until Grace had pulled a giggling Michael past Harry into the living room with Amelia to shake all their new presents, that Harry was able to make out the remaining conversations.

Sirius was jumping around Snape like a jackhammer, explaining with great excitement and detail, the chemistry set Santa had brought him. The Snape Harry knew would have torn the child’s head off instantly, but this Snape was watching Sirius with an amused, almost fond smile on his face.

“And then, you have to teach me what ingredients to put together so I can make the biggest explosion, ever!” said Sirius, his eyes glistening with unbridled joy.

“That sounds like a fantastic idea, love,” Severus said, his lips twitching from holding back laugher. “Why don’t you go show me what you’ve got in there and we’ll figure it out.”  Without further prompting, Sirius turned and ran into the living room, narrowly missing a vase and making explosive noises.

“You bought him explosives?” asked Snape, turning a half-incredulous, half-amused look to James.who ran a tired hand through his hair and gave Snape a wan smile.

“He’s been asking for it all year. Lily caved after Petunia slapped him,” explained James. Snape adopted an expression much more suited to the Snape Harry was familiar with, and Polly gasped in outrage.

“She slapped him?” she hissed. James opened his mouth to respond, but Sirius tore back into the entrance towards Snape, holding up his new chemistry set.

With the air of someone much practiced, Severus scooped the boy up onto his hip with one arm. Harry didn't miss the way the man’s eyes went to examine Sirius’ flushed pink cheek, nor the quick but uncharacteristically gentle kiss he planted on it. Not having heard the comments about Aunt Petunia, Sirius simply beamed at the attention and held the kit up for Snape to see. After a moment of reading Snape snorted and looked at James.

“You deserve the trouble you get yourself into, Potter,” Severus said before smiling at Sirius. “I think we can make something suitably destructive with all this.” There were no other words Sirius would have rather heard, and he pumped his fist in the air triumphantly.

“Ahem, you can all come into the kitchen and say hello to me!” called Lily unexpectedly from the kitchen.

“Alright you heard your mother,” Severus said, setting the boy down and swatting him playfully on the butt. Sirius galloped past Harry to his mother.

“You will make sure he doesn’t blow up my house, won’t you, Sev?” asked James sounding genuinely concerned for a moment. The woman beside Snape burst out laughing.

“No promises,” said Snape over his shoulder as he walked towards the living room. Harry turned himself further against the wall as Snape approached, realizing too late that there was nowhere to hide.

Sure enough, the second they started to walk, Snape’s eyes peered around the corner to meet Harry’s.

“Hello Professor Snape,” whispered Harry uncertainly. Despite the fact that Snape had been oddly friendly to everyone else in the room, Harry was sure that attitude wouldn’t extend to him. The briefest flicker of surprise appeared on Snape’s face before he crossed his arms and smirked down at Harry.

“Mr. Potter.” It was the sort of derisive Christmas greeting Harry would expect from Snape, except it was all wrong. The man’s eyes were dancing with amusement, and he was obviously trying not to smile.

“Clearly, we are having a rather formal Christmas,” James said looking at Harry with a furrowed brow. Snape picked up on the thread of concern in James’ voice and peered back down at Harry intently. Surprisingly, the man knelt down so he was at Harry’s eye-level and smiled.

“I heard about your little adventure,” said Snape. He reached up and cupped Harry’s cheek and it took all of his effort not to flinch away from the hand. “You Potters and your broomsticks, I’ll never get it. Your memories are still a little muddled, then?”

Harry blinked in confusion. Snape sounded, concerned, paternal even. The black eyes staring back at him held warm regard and not a speck of malice.

“A little, sir,” whispered Harry, needing to say something. Severus jerked a little in surprise at this and withdrew his hand, looking Harry up-and-down in overt appraisal.

“Well I’m sure you’ll be just fine soon,” Polly cut in wrapping an almost protective arm around Harry and giving Snape a firm look that clearly told him to back-off. She turned back to Harry with a smile that was so wide and reassuring, it was hard not to feel calmed.

“Now, I assume you remember what Christmas presents are.” Harry nodded numbly up at her, still perturbed by the calculating expression on Severus’ face. Polly smiled her approval. “Well that’s all you need to know. You have lots, and they are fabulous.” With that, she steered Harry away from the entrance and into the living room.

The Christmases Harry remembered usually involved him him being shut away in a cupboard while he listened to Dudley screech for more sweets and presents. Once, Dudley had pushed Aunt Petunia’s carefully decorated Christmas tree through the living room window because they had run out of shortbread cookies. In order to calm him, Petunia had made Harry walk to the nearest open Waitrose to get more. The lady working the cash register had though he was such a dear for running errands for his family on Christmas that she had given him a free pack of Christmas sweets. Harry had eaten them all in his cupboard while reading Dudley’s discarded copy of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. It was the best Christmas he had until now.

The two families fit seamlessly together with an ease that only could have come from frequent exposure. Michael and Grace were instantly attached at the hip, whispering, giggling and playing. The shy little boy happily took part in whatever game or girly activity she wanted to partake in. Sirius, rather surprisingly, seemed to have staked himself out as the boy’s protector and was always quick to snap at Grace for being too pushy or bossy.  Even Amelia had abandoned her book to play.

Harry had no idea how Snape managed to get a woman like Polly to marry him.  She was nearly as funny as she was kind and was currently loudly debating baby names with James in the living room amidst torrents of laugher from both sides. Snape and Lily were in deep conversation as they prepared appetizers in the kitchen. Curious as to what Snape possibly could be talking to Lily about, Harry tiptoed from the living room to the door of the kitchen to listen.

“I’m just saying, we would have come back early if you had told me how bad it was,” Severus said to Lily, sounding annoyed.

“And that’s precisely why I didn’t tell you,” Lily said lightly. Severus scowled at her, and her face softened. “Sev, there was nothing you could have done, and you needed a vacation. He’ll be fine in a few days.” They were talking about him Harry realized abruptly.

“Still I -” Severus stopped suddenly, and turned around looking directly to where Harry was hiding at the doorway. Before he could get mad, Harry ran into the safety of the living room and sat beside his father.  

“Uncle James?” Michael asked running up to Harry’s father.

“What is it, monkey?”

“Can we go flying in the snow again?” the boy asked, crawling onto James’ lap. He lay his head on James’ shoulder and brought a thumb to his mouth that was gently pushed away by James.

“Me too!” said Grace sitting on the couch beside James.

“I don’t see why not, unless you are too sleepy,” James teased.

“‘m not tired,” the little boy protested as his eyes drooped heavily. James smirked at Polly and settled the boy more comfortably against him.

“I think flying is the best thing in the world,” Michael muttered contentedly. At that James perked up and grinned broadly at Snape who was shaking his head back and forth as he levitated a large tray of eggnog into the living room.

“Do my ears deceive me, or is it true that a Snape enjoys - nay - loves flying,” asked James triumphantly. Snape looked like he just swallowed something rather sour.

“Michael, you’ve been spending too much time with your Uncle James,” replied Severus. James grinned triumphantly at the little boy who grinned back and gave him a high-five.


“Come on, you need a nap or you won’t be worth anything in a few hours,” said Severus reaching his arms out for Michael who yawned widely and allowed himself to be lifted up.

“You too, Gracie-Bell,” said Lily starting to stand up.

“But Mom…” she whined stomping her foot.

“I’ve got her,” said Snape. He waved Lily down and reached his hand out to Grace who took it with a particularly grumpy expression on her face.

“Can we have a story?” asked Grace, knowing she was going to loose the larger nap argument.

“As many as you’d like,” Snape promised.  

As the night wore on, Harry continued to observe Snape from the corner of his eye. The man joked with his father, helped his mother in the kitchen and constantly brought his wife h'orderves and non-alcoholic drinks.

Clearly Snape took the whole fatherhood thing seriously too. He doted on his son and read him and Gracie childish stories about Santa and elves and the meaning of Christmas. Harry wasn’t overly surprised that Snape liked the company of  Amelia who appreciated silence almost as much as Snape himself did, but he was surprised that he allowed her to cuddle up onto his shoulder.

Even more surprising was that Snape seemed to adore Sirius, whose loud, defiant personality Harry assumed Snape would have found off-putting. Instead, Snape laughed loudly at every joke and was currently explaining to Sirius why moonstone increased the intensity of explosions.

Still, despite the fact this new Snape apparently loved Harry’s family and was kind and surprisingly funny, his senses were still as sharp as always. Throughout the appetizers and large turkey dinner, whenever Harry snuck a look at Snape, moments later, Harry would feel Snape’s eyes on him from the other end of the table.

“Can we open presents now?!” Grace asked after everyone scraped the last of Pauline’s pecan pie off of their plates. Sirius, Amelia and Michael turned identical beseeching looks to their parents.

“Alright, you’ve all been patient enough,” Lily said picking up a few of the dishes. The children did not need to be told twice, and they all bolted out of the kitchen into the living room. Harry took up some of the plates and brought them to the counter.

“You’re not running for presents?” asked Snape. Harry froze, all the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Aside from observing Snape from the corner of his eye all night, he had purposefully avoided his least favourite professor throughout the evening. Reluctantly, he turned to face the man.

“No, sir,” Harry replied at nearly a whisper. Both of his parents were helping Michael and Grace dig presents out from the back of the tree, and neither Sirius or Amelia were focused on him. Snape took a step towards him.

“You know, you usually don’t call me sir,” Snape said, his voice kind but a little concerned as he studied Harry’s face. The pensive, almost stern look was something Harry was a little more used to, and he took a step back.

“Sorry,” Harry said, looking away from Snape’s intense eyes to the carpet. This reaction seem to legitimately worry Snape, and he stepped back to leave more distance between them.

“That’s alright Hare-bear, you can call me whatever you like,” Snape replied. Harry eyes snapped back to Snape’s face as he observed the man incredulously. A small smirk crossed Snape’s face.

“You’ve always hated that nickname,” Snape admitted, flicking his wand at the sink. The dishes started to wash themselves slowly. “I’m afraid you’re stuck with it though.”

“What do I usually call you?” Harry asked, his curiosity overcoming his reticence.

“Uncle Sev, mostly. Professor Snape while we’re in class,” Snape said, suppressing a smile. “Well, you’re supposed to at least.” Sensing that he had successfully built a bit of rapport, Snape took a step closer to Harry and knelt down so that they were almost eye-level.

“It must be scary to not remember people in your life and your connection to them,” said Snape conversationally. “It’ll all come back to you soon though. The important thing is that you know everyone here loves you very much.” It was odd to be taking comfort in Snape’s words, but as Harry reluctantly looked up into his Professor’s warm eyes, he couldn’t help but feel soothed. A small smile made its way across Harry’s face and Snape beamed at him.

“A smile, now that’s a sight for sore eyes,” he said approvingly. “You should be sitting down. Let’s go into the living room and open some presents, shall we?” Snape raised his arm like he was about to loop it around Harry’s shoulders, but he let it drop back to his side at the last moment, not wanting to push it. The two of them entered the living room, side-by-side.

“Daddy! Look! Uncle James and Auntie Lily got me glob!” Michael said, crawling into Snape’s lap with two large handfuls of smelly green material.


“What is it?” asked Severus. Michael made the green mess into a globe and threw it up in the air, the ball started to spin madly and Michael giggled at it. A moment later, it zoomed towards Severus’ face and exploded all over him. Everyone in the room burst out laughing, except for Snape who looked stunned and slightly pissed. Harry was sure he was going to start yelling until the man looked down at his son who was giggling madly, and smiled.

“That’s for the drum set Sirius got for his last birthday,” James said with a smirk to Snape who now laughed outright, and tapped his wand to his face, siphoned the green goo back in to a ball and handed it back to Michael. The little boy smiled gleefully and continued to toss it up and down.

For the next thirty minutes, Harry was almost able to forget about his headache and Snape. It was like he had been dropped into a scene from a Christmas movie. His father gave his mother a delicate diamond necklace, which had pleased her so much that they were having a hard time keeping their hands off of each other. Harry had gotten his first array of Christmas presents ever. He had gotten new clothes, a wide array of joke products from Zonkos and more sweets than he could ever dream of eating. The joy of the day, the large meal and the lightly throbbing headache was making Harry tired, and he was starting to doze off with his head on his mother’s lap.

“Harry, this one is for you,” said Grace holding a package out to him. Harry opened his eyes fully, sat up and took it.

“Another one?” asked Harry looking down at the package.

To Hare-Bear

Make sure you don't go showing this to Hagrid.

I wouldn't want him to get any ideas.

All the love in the word: Uncle Sev, Aunt Polly and Michael           

 Harry looked up at Snape. who smiled at him from behind Michael’s head, then hesitantly tore open the paper wrappings to reveal a thick book: Creatures too Dark to Dwell in the Light.

“Cool!” said Harry genuinely opening the book and flipping through it.

“You’re going to give him nightmares, Sev,” Lily said, looking over Harry’s shoulder to the pictures of a vampire with large, hideous teeth.

“Oh nonsense,” Snape said. “Harry’s a natural at Defence.” Harry couldn’t help but look up and smirk at Snape. It was odd to be complimented by the man.

“Thanks Aunt Polly - Uncle Sev,” said Harry after a moment of hesitation. His Aunt Polly smiled broadly at him, and the look of concern that had clouded Snape’s face dissipated slightly. Harry continued to thumb through the book, barely listening to the conversation the adults were having. An image popped out at Harry like an unwelcome, intrusive memory. A ghost-like girl with a terrifying scream on her face stared back at Harry with mad eyes. He felt his heart speed up in his chest and he raised a shaky finger over the description.

    Ghanzou, is a rare, but powerful, Chinese genie. The Ghanzou provides
    its victim with a highly realistic dreamscape wherein one
    sees exactly what their life would have been like ‘but-for’ a
    certain event. While the victim engages in their dream, the
    Ghanzou drains the victim of it’s blood and replaces the
    blood supply with a potentially lethal toxin. Almost all who
    face a Ghanzou die, as the only way to escape its grasp is for
    the victim to recognize the dream as a dream and kill themself.
    Most individuals are too seduced by the realistic visions to commit the act.

    The Ghanzo have been known to be so accurate that their
    venom has been used in Criminal trials to prove an
    individual’s guilt.

A cold sweat broke out over Harry’s skin and he felt his heart race. Trying to get a hold on himself he squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to remember falling off the broom. He remembered the sweetly concerned looks of his siblings as they stared down at him and the way his heart had dropped to his stomach when his Dad picked him up and held him close. Everything before that was dark. The vision of a stone wall swam in front of Harry’s eyes. A horrid painful jarring swept through his brain. He saw Snape hanging from the ceiling and felt the cold of the dungeon.

“Mommy, I wanna hot chocolate, please,” Gracie said, crawling up on Lily’s lap.

“I’ll get it,” said James moving to get up. Sirius was on his lap, half-asleep, wrapped in afghan and nestled further into James’ chest as protest.

“Oh don’t be silly,” said Pauline, flourishing her wand and causing a set of mugs, hot chocolate mix, marshmallows and a kettle to sail over and land on the coffee table. With a groan of relief, James relaxed back into the chair, pulling Sirius closer to him and closing his eyes contentedly.

“This is my favourite book,” Amelia said softly coming to sit closer to Snape.

“It was mine as well at your age,” Severus said wrapping an arm around the little girl. “You’re the only child I know who reads as much as I did.” Amelia smiled and blushed a little before burying her nose back behind her book.

It felt harder to breathe. It was all fake. Grace kicked her feet on Harry’s shoulder and smiled toothily at him, her thumb in her mouth. Harry stared back at her. The little girl sitting in front of him, who Harry had come to love and care for as though he had known her his whole life, wasn’t real. Harry’s parents had died before they had ever had a chance to even think of having more children.

As far as Harry knew, Snape didn’t even know a woman named Pauline, and whatever had happened to make Snape a kind, loveable family man certainly had not happened in real life. Pain seared through Harry’s brain.

“Harry, sweetheart, are you alright?” Lily asked above him from concern. A swell of nausea cursed through Harry.

“Fine. I’m fine,” Harry lied, standing up quickly. There was no time to perceive the looks on his parents faces, and he couldn't stand to look his siblings, knowing he was responsible for the fact that they never existed. He grabbed the book, turned and bolted up the staircase.

Harry ran the final steps up to his room and flopped down on his bed. He should have known better than to believe this life was real, nothing good or normal ever happened to him. He hadn’t just been unfamiliar with the details of his family life, he had completely not understood what it was like to be loved, to be a part of a family. That was not the sort of thing one forgets with a head injury. A quiet knock at the door broke Harry’s reverie.

“Harry?” called Snape for the other side of the door. “Can I come in?” Harry shut his eyes fiercely. Snape was the last person on the planet Harry wanted to see right now. His mother and father would have cared for him and loved him in real life, but Snape? The real Snape hated him. Still, even in dream world Harry didn’t have the guts to tell Snape to piss off, and the man took silence as assent. The door opened and the floorboards creaked as Snape crossed the room. Harry buried his head petulantly in his pillow when he felt the bed dip beside him.

“What’s wrong, love? Is it your head?” A hand settled gently between Harry’s shoulder blades. “I have a pain-reliever.” The offer of a pain-reliever was tempting enough to get Harry to reluctantly turn his head sideways on the pillow to look at Snape. There was a gentle smile on Snape’s face that looked completely out of place.

“Come on, sit up and drink this,” said Snape. He held a small vial out to Harry. Reluctantly, Harry sat himself up and took the vial out of Snape’s hand. It tasted like dirty socks but Harry choked it all down efficiently. Without a moment’s hesitation, Snape laid a hand on Harry’s forehead and frowned.

“You still feel a little warm. Maybe I should get your mother to floo a healer,” Snape muttered, more to himself than to Harry.

“No, no really I’m fine,” Harry said quickly. Snape looked down at him skeptically and Harry gave him his most beseeching look.

“I became immune to those eyes long ago, Harry,” said Snape, but he still remained seated on the bed. “I suppose there is not much that a healer could tell you. You’ve had a big day and need some rest. Go on, snuggle in.” Harry scrambled under the covers and reluctantly allowed Snape to smooth them out around his shoulders.

Harry observed this dream Snape for a moment wondering, not for the first time, how Snape could have turned out so differently. Clearly it had something to do with Harry’s parents being alive, but Snape hadn’t mentioned Harry’s parents once during their entire time at Hogwarts.

“Do you every think about how life would be different if one thing changed?” asked Harry slowly, feeling nervous butterflies in his stomach at the thought of asking his scariest Professor such an intimate question. Somehow, he knew this Snape wouldn’t yell at him. Sure enough, he simply looked shrewdly at Harry for a moment.

“Of course. I think everyone does sometimes. I try not to too much,” Snape admitted, a dark flash of emotion crossing his face.

“What if you knew everything was fake, your life, your family, everything like a fantasy, and you know you could bring back reality, but reality was so much worse. What would you do?” Snape’s eyes narrowed a little in concern.

“Why do you ask that?”

“I just have to know Pr - Uncle Sev, please,” Harry responded suddenly feeling desperate for advice. For a moment, Snape hesitated, then leaned over and brushed Harry’s fringe out of his eyes.

“No matter how lovely a dream is. It’s just a dream. What’s happening in reality, the good and the bad, that is what makes up your life,” Snape said softly. A weight settled on Harry’s chest. In reality, Snape was dying slowly in the the Hogwarts dungeons, Harry was hiding in a secret corridor. Ron and Hermione would have to go through the pain of losing him, and now that Harry knew that the world he was existing in wasn’t real, it would never be able to satisfy him the way it had before.

A warm pressure started to build-up behind Harry’s eyeballs. He furiously tried to blink back the tears, but Snape was too fast for him.

“Oh love, come here. You’re going to be ok,” said Severus pulling Harry forward into his arms. A sob burst out of Harry, and he knew he should have been embarrassed to be bawling in front of Snape, but he was too heartbroken to care. It seemed particularly cruel that Harry had to lose his family twice. He still wasn’t remotely over losing them the first time.

Snape rubbed his back and hushed him with the ease of someone who had considerable practice soothing not just children in general, but Harry in particular. The real life Snape wouldn't have this skill. There was no one in his life, and for the first time Harry realized just how lonely Snape must feel. At least Harry was going back to his friends. He was sending Snape back from having a loving family to bitterly roaming the dungeons of Hogwarts alone. Sick with sympathy, Harry reached up and wrapped his arms around Snape’s neck.

“I’m sorry,” Harry choked out.

“Whatever for?” muttered Snape as he rocked Harry gently, almost unconsciously, in an attempt to soothe him, but Harry was fast approaching inconsolable.

“You’ll hate me,” whispered Harry. At that, Snape pulled back and frowned down at Harry.

“I could never hate you, Harry,” said Snape sounding genuinely aghast. “I love you.” Harry let out a choked sob at that. He realized that when he got back to Hogwarts, no one was going to tell him that they loved him anymore.

“What’s happened that upset you so much?” asked Snape softly. Harry looked hesitantly up at Snape who smiled at him. “You can tell me anything, that’s the point of having a godparent.”

“Nothing, I’m fine,” Harry said, brushing the tears from his face.

“Love, clearly you’re not fine,” Snape said.

“I just -I’m just confused.” lied Harry, wishing it was the truth. Snape’s eyes softened, and he gently reached up and patted Harry’s cheek.

“I know. I know it’s hard,” Snape said. “Everything will make sense soon, alright?” He pulled the covers up over Harry’s shoulders and looked down at him in concern.

“Do you want me to stay with you?” asked Snape in a voice far too tender to have ever been real. Harry shook his head no.

“Ok, get some sleep, monkey. Things will look better in the morning. I love you,” Snape said before kissing him on the forehead as though he had tucked Harry in many times before.

Harry took a deep breath, he knew what he had to do. As soon as it was late enough that the footsteps had all gone away. Harry pulled himself out of his bed, out of his perfect room, and padded down the steps to the kitchen. Quietly, as possible he riffled through the drawers until he found a thin, silver knife.

“Hare-bear? What are you doing up? Is everything ok?” James asked. Harry nearly jumped out of his skin as he whirled around to face his Dad, Lily, Pauline and Snape, all of whom clearly had been drinking in the living room.

“Yeah, I - uh -”

“What is this?” asked James curiously looking at the book Harry had brought down with him. “A Ghanzou?” Harry looked between them for a moment, but there wasn’t much point in trying to hide it, he’d be gone soon anyways.

“This is why I have no memories! It wasn't the head injury. I was touched by a Ghanzou” Harry explained looking desperately from one adult to another. Pauline raised her eyebrow skeptically.

“Harry…those are very rare,” said Severus slowly, now looking at Harry with concern.

“Sev, I warned you about that book,” Lily said, coming to put her arm around Harry.

“Alright, you’re right,” replied Severus, putting his hands up in a gesture of surrender.

“Harry, sweetheart…” started Lily, her voice trying to be soothing and reasonable, even though he could hear a clear thread of worry. It was too much for Harry who cut her off.

“No, I know. I saw her,” said Harry emphatically. There was a moment of stunned silence as the adults tried to process what Harry said.

“Mom, can I have some water, please?” said Sirius, poking his head in, clearly having just woken up. All the adults turned to blink at the intruder, and he retreated slightly from the doorway, confused.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, looking over the scene critically.  

“Nothing’s wrong. Come on, sweetie, I’ll get you some water,” Polly said, heaving her pregnant belly up out of the chair. She hurried Sirius away from the doorway, and Harry watched them go with a deep pang of longing.

“Harry, love, I know why you could think that,” James said, looking and sounding more calm than both Lily and Severus. Lily threw him a dirty, disbelieving look, but James returned it with a calm, pleading one then turned back to Harry.

“I do, Harry, really,” James continued reasonably. “In the magical word, sometimes we see the magical where we should see the natural and mundane.”

“Head injuries are especially confusing. When you don’t remember things…” Lily trailed off as Harry shook his head, tears filling his eyes.

“This isn’t like that,” said Harry. “You died when I was 15 months old. Voldemort killed you. I grew up with Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon in Little Whinging.” James was shaking his head negatively, but the calm demeanour was gone from his face. Snape’s face with milk-white.

“Harry, listen to me we didn’t die that night. Uncle Severus and Uncle Sirius, they got us out in time,” explained James.

“No,” Harry whispered. “They didn’t.” He turned his eyes to Snape.

“Professor Snape,” said Harry softly. “I met you for the first time four months ago at Hogwarts, and you hate me. You don’t have a wife. You don’t have a son. Professor, you have to know that these memories you have aren’t real.” Snape’s stern face softened to something a little more sympathetic, and he shook his head negatively.

“I’m calling a Healer,” said Lily abruptly, moving towards the fireplace. No one went to stop her, but Harry wished she stayed. He wanted to feel her arms around him one last time.

“I’ve known you almost your entire life, Harry,” Snape said softly. “I remember every birthday, every skinned knee, the first time you fell asleep in my arms. There is not a world where I could hate you.”

“Yes there is, Professor,” whispered Harry, blinking back unexpected tears as he looked seriously into Snape’s eyes. “In a world where Voldemort killed my Mom and Dad. In a world where they died that night, you do,” Snape opened his mouth then shut it again, looking at Harry oddly. But the expression was not the same sure, frustrated look James wore. There was something hesitant in it.

“He’ll be right over,” said Lily striding back to the kitchen. There were only a few moments left to spare. The real Snape had been sick for days potentially. The real world needed him. A family picture sat open on the table where Lily and Pauline had been looking through photos of past Christmases. In the picture, Lily and Severus were both holding babies, a two-year old Sirius ran around James legs as James tried to hold him still for the camera, while a four-year old Amelia sat still, smiling brightly. Harry was only six in the photo, holding Lily’s free hand and offering the camera a sheepish smile. It was the only Christmas picture Harry had. With reckless abandon, Harry ripped the photo out of the photo album.

“HARRY!” cried Lily. Harry cringed, he didn't want their last memories of him to be terrible, as fake as they were. James, Snape and Lily were all staring at him as though he was some bomb that was going to go off any moment. Spotting the knife beside the cheese plate, Harry took a deep breath and smiled at his parents.

“I love you, guys,” he whispered. This didn’t reassure them, and James  took a step towards him. “Sorry.” He grabbed the knife from the table and shoved it as far in his gut as he could.

“HARRY!” cried Lily as he fell hard on the kitchen floor. In a moment, his parents and Snape were both by his side, their faces all sheet-white with panic.

“Don’t pull it out!” yelled Snape as James’ hand instinctively went to the knife.

“Stay awake, sweetheart,” Lily said desperately, pulling Harry’s head on her lap. Even as she spoke she was starting to fade-out, like a drawing in the sand. James was stroking Harry’s hair and tears were welled up in his eyes, but Harry couldn’t feel the hand. Snape’s face, so wrought with concern it looked positively enraged faded faster too, and Harry suddenly wanted to take back his stupid decision.

Real-life was not better than this. Neither he nor Snape would find happiness in the cruel, lonely world Harry was sending them back to.

“No, don’t go,” whispered Harry. Lily cradled him closer and let out a little sob.

“We won’t go,” she promised, but as she said it, she was only an outline. The world was being replaced by a blinding white light. Harry squeezed his eyes shut, unwilling to see his parents disappear.

Winter had always been Severus' favourite season. The cold weather always provided a reasonable excuse for solitude and reading books by the fire. One could almost disappear for three months without anyone thinking anything of it. Of course, that all changed from the first Christmas he spent with the Potters.

Now Christmas meant presents, huge parties, and James dressing up as Santa, all of which required much more socializing, dressing up and planning. The big Christmas party was two nights away, which meant James had dragged Severus to Diagon Alley to get decorations and party clothes for Amelia and Harry.

"Daddy, I want a hot chocolate," said Harry, lumbering along in his big snowsuit and boots. James picked him up and put him on his shoulders.

"Ok, love," James said. "Can you say, please, please?"

"Please, please!" chorused Harry, the common response to a request for manners. Severus smiled at him before noticing where they were going to get hot chocolate.

Severus suddenly halted at the entrance to the bakery. James, Harry and Amelia all blinked at him, incredulously.

"What's the matter?" James asked. As much as Severus did not want to have to go through the awkwardness of seeing Pauline, he really did not want to go to through the awkwardness of having to explain that to James.

"Nothing," he muttered. James raised his eyebrows, but walked into the bakery without further comment.

The bakery was filled with people taking an afternoon break and little houseelves, all dressed up like Santa's elves, ran from table to table with cake and hot drinks. Thankfully, Pauline didn't seem to be anywhere in sight.

"Uncle Sev, do you think the pretty lady will be here today?" asked Harry as he clamoured onto the seat beside Severus.

"The pretty lady?" James asked, smirking at Severus. A faint blush started to creep up Severus' cheeks as Harry enthusiastically recounted the story to James who kept peering over at Severus with a look that was far too pleased for Severus' liking.

"This is an intriguing development," James said. "After all my efforts, it is going to be my three year old son that is your wingman."

"Don't be ridiculous, Potter," grumbled Severus.

"There she is!" Harry said, so loudly that Pauline, who just came out of the kitchen with plates of cake, started and looked at the table. "Hi!" Harry said waving brightly at her.

Severus willed the veins and capillaries in his face to close so he wouldn't blush a deep red, but he could feel the heat crawl up his neck. James was hiding behind his hand, laughing. Pauline smiled at Harry and walked over. When James didn't stop laughing like a schoolgirl, Severus kicked the man sharply in the shins.

"Hello Harry," Pauline said.

Pauline turned her glowing, perfect smile to the little boy, and crouched down to his eye level, making her shiny dark ponytail slide over her shoulder in a very appealing way.

"How's your nose?" she asked.

"S'ok," Harry said, with a shrug. "This is my Daddy." Harry indicated James with a jerk of his thumb.

"Otherwise known as James," said James with a smile, reaching a hand out to shake Pauline's over Harry's head.

"I'm Polly. Nice to meet you," she said. As soon as she shook James' hand, she turned her smile onto Severus. He wasn't prepared for that to happen so quickly and felt rather like a deer in the headlights.

"Hi," she said with an expectant bubbliness that he completely did not know how to respond to.

"Hey," he replied awkwardly, scrambling madly to get his thoughts under control. There was the briefest moment of awkwardness where Pauline continued to smile at him, and James blinked at him as well.

"I've heard great things about your cake," mentioned James, just as Polly looked like she as going to turn away.

"There not really mine, to be fair," Pauline said even as a proud blush came over her face. "They're Ed's, he's the owner. I just make them."

"That seems like the important part," James mentioned.

"Well, then I'll bring you a piece of strawberry cheesecake," Polly said with a wide-smile. James blinked at her in surprise, then laughed.

"How did you know I like strawberry cheesecake? I could hate all berries," James said in protest.

"You love berries," Harry said. "Berries are you favourite." Pauline ruffled Harry's mop of hair, with a smile and turned to head back to the kitchen. James gave Severus an urgent sort of look that Severus didn't understand. With a growl of frustration, James turned back to Pauline.

"Will you join us?" James asked, suddenly. Pauline considered them for a moment, then nodded, walking back into the kitchen.

The moment she was gone, James whipped around to Severus.

"Dude," he said in a disappointed tone. "You suck."

"Shut up, Potter," Severus grumbled. Harry gasped and gave Severus a look of deep horror.

"That's mean," admonished Harry. James nodded sagely, smirking at Severus the moment the little boy turned away.

"Let's just go," grumbled Severus, he was no mood to be made fun of.

"I want cake," protested Harry, looking precariously close to crying.

"We're getting cake, honey," James said, sensing the situation was about to devolve. "Sev, I'm sorry. Please, sit down." With a little grunt, Severus acquiesced, he was too nervous to pay James that much mind anyways. James checked over his shoulder and leaned little closer, covering Harry's ears.

"Talk to her," James said, his voice a little lower. At that moment, Polly came out of the back, balancing the plates of cake precariously on a serving dish. Instinctively, Severus jumped to his feet and stumbled the two steps to help her.

It didn't go as well as he planned. He took two steps then tripped and crashed directly into Pauline. There was an explosion of cake and limbs and screams, and he was on top of Pauline on the floor.

"Are you ok?" he whispered the moment he came to his senses. He scrambled off of her. She opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, a large aproned man with a grubby, little beard stumbled out of the kitchen

"What the hell?" he bellowed. Polly swore under her breath and scrambled to her feet. Severus' eyes briefly met Pauline's, and she looked away, embarrassed.

"Ed, I'm sorry, it was an accident," she said quickly, reaching down and picking up some of the broken plates. Severus followed, and James too stood up and moved to help.

"Maybe you should be less clumsy," the man said again. Severus scowled up at this unknown man, and straightened up to his full height.

"It was my fault," Severus said. Behind him, James swirled his wand and the plates all jumped back together. The man just sneered slightly, and looked back down to Pauline.

"Get in the kitchen," he said harshly.

"Hey, don't talk to her like that," said Severus, stiffening. Some of the other patrons were starting to look over.

"It's ok," Pauline said softly to Severus, taking the newly formed plates and standing up.

"Damn right, it's ok. This bitch breaks a damn plate every day," he said gruffly. James stood up now as well and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Severus took his wand out of his sleeve and took a menacing step towards the man.

"What did you just say?" he asked, in a dark, low voice.

"Buddy, you don't scare me. This is my damn restaurant. Get the fuck out," said Ed. Before he could move to curse the man, James stepped in between them.

"Hey!" snapped James he gave Ed one hard push, then turned back to Severus. "Calm down." Severus opened his mouth, but James flickered his eyes towards Harry who was watching the interaction from between the slats of the chair with wide-green eyes. Severus nodded, and they quickly exited the store.

"Well, I admit, that could have gone better," James said as they exited the store.

"What's a bitch?" asked Harry. James sighed and looked up to the sky.

"A bad word," James said.

"I'm going to wait and apologize," Severus said. James looked at him for a moment, as though he was going to say it was a bad idea, but he thought better of it then nodded.

They left the bakery, but Severus went to stand at the back door. Hours later, Severus was cold and beginning to deeply regret his stake-out when Pauline opened the back door and came out in a large pink coat, holding a cupcake. When she saw him, she smiled, which he took as a good sign.

"I am so sorry," said Severus, stepping forward from the tree had been leaning against for hours.

"Ed is a jerk," she said with smile. "But he gives me a lot of hours. I'm saving for my own bakery." Severus nodded and stuffed his hand in his pockets, feeling again at a loss again.

"Well good -" There was a moment of awkward silence, and he ground his teeth together before turning to walk away.

"Would you like to go out some time?" she asked, cutting him off. He blinked at her a couple times, and a slow smile spread across her face.

"With you?" he sputtered stupidly. She was all bubbly, well-adjusted, and happy. He was a four at best, she she was at least an eight. He didn't understand she was talking to him, let alone wanting him to take her out on a date.

"Yes, with me," she said cocking her head a little to the side.

"Sure - I mean yes that would be -" he trailed off his rambling a little helplessly, and she smiled.

"Great!" she said brightly, without the slightest indication of being nervous or otherwise flustered.

The date cascaded into another, and another and soon he and Pauline were kissing and laughing, and he was deeply, deeply falling for her, and soon he was doing things like eating dinner in a corner booth at a fancy restaurant.

"What are you thinking about?" Pauline whispered into his ear. She was wearing a short, delicate white dress that perfectly showed off her slim shoulders.

"Nothing," he said, kissing her on the forehead. The waiter walked by and glanced at them. He could see the spark of disbelief on his features as he walked by. Severus pulled away. He was just to go back to his dessert when Pauline swiped the last piece of cake out from under him and ate it.

Severus looked up incredulously at her and she giggled. Her eyes shone brightly and she hid her smile behind her hand. When he looked at her, his heart tightened. She was all sweetness and light, and he absolutely wasn't.

"Why are you with me?" Severus asked. Pauline stopped laughing and put her fork down, but the light and smile remained.

'Cause…I like you," she said with a laugh, going to kiss him again. He pulled away before she could.

"I'm serious -" snapped Severus, the insecurity that had wrecked him for weeks came bubbling to the surface. The smile fell off of her face at the change in tone.

"I - I don't know," she said. "Because I want to be?" She reached over and put her hand over his, looking concerned now. "Sev?"

"You're funny, attractive, smart. You're sweet," said Severus. "I've seen two different men look you over since we sat down." Pauline blushed and looked down at her plate.

"The only thing that makes sense, is that you're not with me because of who I am, but because of you are. You're a good person, and I'm your charity case, your way to feel better about yourself," Severus said, pulling his hand out from underneath him. For a moment, Pauline looked at him in stunned anger, then her features softened.

"You really think that little of yourself?" she whispered. He had been expecting anger, not pity which suddenly made him feel even more filled with self-loathing.

"You think that I'm so much better than you, that only reason I want to be with you is to have a charity case?" she said, sitting back in her chair.

"I want you to listen to me very carefully," said Pauline softy. "I like you because you are funny, attractive, smart, and I think you are very, very sweet." She leaned forward and touched his face, rubbing her thumb a long his cheekbone.

He stared back at her. There was no room for doubt. She wasn't lying, but still he couldn't believe she actually thought those things.

"I love you," she said leaning across the table to kiss him lightly on the lips. She wasn't even mad at him for exploding at her. He kissed her back as hard as he could over the table. He was at a romantic restaurant, with a beautiful woman who just said that he loved him. For some reason he started to laugh against her lips.

"What?" she said warily.

"Nothing, nothing." he said. "I'm just…I'm very happy."

"And that's funny?" she said, tucking a stand of hair behind his ear.

"A little," he whispered, kissing her again.

XXXXXXXxxxxXXXXXX

"Well, well, well, someone has some explaining to do." Severus froze at the sound of Lily's voice. It was 5 AM, she was supposed to be in bed asleep for at least another hour. He winced and turned to around to face her. She was smiling at him, already dressed for work at the kitchen table.

"I have no idea what you mean," he said walking over to the table and picking up a piece of toast.

"I mean, I know a walk of shame when I see one," Lily replied, pouring him coffee.

"How? You married the first guy you ever slept with," Severus said, earning himself a hearty smack across the arm. With a contented sigh, he leaned back in his chair and summoned a teacup with a lazy swish of his wand. He hummed a little tune he had heard on Pauline's radio last night as he fixed his tea, stopping short when he caught Lily watching him.

"What?" he asked, feeling suddenly defensive.

"Nothing, it's just that you really like this girl, don't you?" Lily said. A flush of embarrassment flooded Severus' cheeks, and he looked down at the table before he grinned like an idiot.

"I'm glad you're so happy," Lily said with genuine feeling, giving his hand a small squeeze. He was about to reply when a pure black, imperious looking owl flew the window and landed by Lily's toast. After she untied the message and read it, her face paled to a chalk white, and she stared at the paper for way longer than necessary

"Lily?" Severus asked in concern. She blinked away from the paper and turned a bright smile to Severus.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, nodding at the letter.

"Oh yeah, just boring law stuff," she said, stuffing the parchment into her briefcase hurriedly. Severus frowned, but quickly forgot all about the letter as Lily launched back into teasing him about Pauline.

The next few weeks, Severus was so busy preparing for the launch of his book that he barely noticed Lily's increase in mail or the headlines in the paper.

"International Wizarding Federation should stay out of Muggle relations or die?" James read over her shoulder one morning. Lily blanched and crumbled up the paper. The International Wizarding Federation was the wizard's equivalent of the United Nations, and clearly, the strong Muggle protection stance Lily and Arthur were taking within the organization was upsetting some wizards.

"Don't worry about it, honey. I get letters like that all the time," Lily said quickly, giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

"You do?" James asked, looking back down at the letter. "Somehow, that doesn't really reassure me." He looked at Severus for support who was also frowning.

"Lily…" started Severus in protest, but she cut him off.

"I'm fine. This is an important initiative, and you two need to leave it alone," she snapped, grabbing her briefcase and heading to the floo. The more negative press the Muggle protection laws got, the more James worried. He never said anything, but Severus could tell in the way his jaw-set every time he kissed Lily goodbye.

But Muggle protection was only vaguely on Severus' mind. People kept pre-ordering his book, which meant his book launch party was turning bigger and more extravagant. By the time it arrived, Flourish and Blotts was too small to host it so the entire thing had been moved to the Leaky Cauldron.

"This is so exciting!" Pauline said as they walked into the bookstore. His face stared imposingly back from a large poster, and it was awkward to look at. Everyone he walked by wanted to stop and talk him and Alan, his thin bald agent came who wore robes that were too big for him came running up.

"100,000 galleons my friend, and this is just the beginning!" he squeeked, so excited Severus was worried he'd fall over. 100,000 was more money then Severus had ever had in his entire life and he blinked a little incredulously at the man.

More people took pictures, he signed book after book, and the people he wanted to spend the day with the most, James, Lily, Remus, Dumbledore and Polly kept getting swallowed by the crowd. It wasn't until the publisher made a speech that he finally had a moment to sneak away. He found James predictably stuffing his face with appetizers.

"If you keep going at this rate, I'm going to need to publish another book just to pay for your food bill," muttered Severus as he approached. James stuffed a shrimp in his mouth and smiled.

"That's not what I hear, mate," James said. "It looks like it's a hit." Severus tilted his head in acknowledgement. He hadn't had enough success or privilege in life to know how to go about being humble. Compliments still felt odd to him.

"About that," Severus said "I wanted to give you this. Well not give you so much as repay you." He handed a pouch of galleons out to James who regarded it with disdain.

"That better be candy, Sev," James said wiping his hand on a napkin.

"No, it's gold."

"We've discussed this. I have no interest in your money," James said irritably.

"I appreciate that Potter, but I have no interest in sponging off of you. I live in your house the least I can do is give you some gold," Severus said. At least this way he'd feel like less of a burden. James seemed to pick up on what Severus was thinking because his features softened a little.

"It is your house too, Sev. You'll never have to leave it." James looked over his shoulder to make sure no one else could hear, then continued softly. "And you know money is not a problem. You don't need much, you're kind of like a pet gerbil."

"Well money isn't a problem for me either, so let me contribute," replied Severus. "Of course, I could just bypass you and put this straight into Millie and Harry's Hogwarts fund." James snorted at that and shook his head.

"Remus just pulled the same stunt," James said. "I got a letter from Gringotts telling me 50,000 galleons had been added to my account and would I like to invest them. It took three hours of my life to figure out it was Remus, because the git never bothered to tell me. He didn't think they'd write me a letter and that I'd just not notice the extra money."

"You are terrible with your money," Severus noted, "You'd give it away to anyone who asked."

"Why not, I have enough," James said with a laugh before turning a tinge more serious. "Is it important to you, to do this?" Severus's father never had any money, barely supported himself let alone his family, and Severus always vowed he'd be different. He did not need much, but what he needed he'd provide for himself.

"Yes. It is," he said simply. James sighed and held his hand out. With a smirk, Severus dropped the bag of galleons into the man's hand. It landed with a satisfying plop. James looked at it for a moment then shoved it in his pocket, hurriedly.

"Merlin Sev, how much did you put in there?" James hissed. Severus shrugged.

"30,000, about," Severus whispered back. James blanched a little.

"That's way too much., and I can't walk around with this much money. The Goblins are going to think I'm some sort of ganglord. I'm going to get robbed."

"You weren't expecting the money anyways, Potter. It hardly matters if you get robbed," Severus said blandly. James still had a look of distaste on his face. Severus sighed, rich people were so weird about money.

"If it makes you feel any better. You can think of it as a return on your investment in my book," Severus said. James smiled at that.

"It's a pretty great book," James said. Still adverse to compliments, Severus blushed and nodded awkwardly. He hadn't even known the man had read it. Lily spotted them and walked over with her hand raised. She was just about to say something, when there was a loud bang and she gave a funny jerk. Before Severus could process what was happening, she fell to her knees.

James was already yelling for her and running to her side.

"LIVE LIKE A MUGGLE, DIE LIKE A MUGGLE!" yelled a masked man from the crowd, but Severus barely heard him. He jumped over the table, arriving at Lily's side the moment James did. The crowd screamed and panicked.

"Lil? Lily?" James asked his voice was high and petrified, something Severus had never heard before. She blinked in shock, and her eyes connected with James. Severus quickly tore open front of her robes to find a bloody bullet hole in her chest. Cold fear went through him.

"What spell is that?" asked James, bordering on distraught. Without responding, Severus conjured a large roll of bandages and pressed them to the wound.

"Apparate her to St. Mungo's, now," Severus said tersely. "It's a gunshot." James' eyes widened a bit, and Severus wondered if the man had every heard of a gun shot before. Regardless, James obeyed without a further word.

Blankly, Severus stared at the bloody floor for a moment before realizing the maniac who did this was still out there. He growled in rage and raced through the screaming crowd toward the door. If Lily died, he would not be held responsible for his actions.

"Severus, stop," Dumbledore said, the only voice that could make him do so. Like a well-trained dog, Severus halted and whipped around. Dumbledore was looking at him in concern.

"The Aurors are already on their way, and Remus is out there," said Dumbledore firmly, before Severus could object. "There are children, I believe, who need you right now." Another swoop of horror filled Severus' stomach, he had been so concerned for Lily, he hadn't even thought of Harry or Amelia. He raced through the increasingly hysterical crowd calling for them.

"Sev!" Pauline called from across the room. She was standing by Amelia's stroller and holding Harry on her hip. Severus let out a sigh of relief.

"Are you ok?" he almost yelled as he approached them, peeking in the stroller where Amelia was fussing, but unhurt.

"Just a little shook up," Pauline said, looking at Harry who was still sobbing into her shoulder. The boy reached out for Severus the moment he approached, and Severus hurriedly took him from Pauline. Harry wrapped his arms around Severus' neck with such fervour it almost choked him, and he was shaking like a leaf.

"It's ok, love, shhh," whispered Severus, stroking the baby's messy hair. "You're safe, shhh." After a few moments, he calmed down to simple whimpers. As his concern with calming the child dissipated, his concerns about Lily and James returned.

"I'll stay with the kids," said Pauline, reading his mind. "Go." Severus nodded.

"Polly's going to stay with you ok?" Severus said to Harry. The boy whimpered a little then mashed his face into Severus' neck.

"Where'd Momma go?" whispered Harry. "She laid down and there was a bang." Severus' felt another moment of tension in his gut, and he lowered the baby to the floor.

"Don't worry. Everything's going to be ok," Severus said, squeezing his shoulder. He didn't quite know how to explain the attack to the child. He looked up to Pauline and she crouched down beside Harry as well.

"If you want cutie-pie, I can show you how to make a chocolate cake," offered Pauline. Harry nodded after a moment, then accepted the hand she was holding out to him.

"Ok. Monkey, I'm going to be back soon, alright?" said Severus, kissing the toddler on the cheek. Harry nodded bravely, before he could change his mind and throw a tantrum, Severus turned around and disaparated to St. Mungo's.

"Lily Potter!" Severus said running to the front desk. A harried nurse looked down at the list of patients.

"She's in surgery." he said Severus.

"How is she?" asked Severus.

"I don't know, sir," continued the nurse, flipping though more documents. "A Healer should be with you shortly." Severus huffed in annoyance and looked around the waiting room for James. There was an old witch rubbing her knee, and a tall boy in Quidditch clothes holding a broomstick and a black eye. No James. With even more anxiety now, Severus starting to madly roam the floors of St. Mungos.

He found James standing in an empty hallway, leaning against the wall as though it was the only thing holding him. Blood still covered his clothes There was such a naked look of despair on his face, that Severus almost retreated back to the waiting room, but some internal force propelled him forward.

"Potter?" he whispered softly. James looked up at him briefly, then stared back down at the floor again, looking absolutely decimated.

"Polly is with the children," Severus said softly. "Remus is on his way." James just nodded at the ground. Severus felt horribly inadequate as he stood silently beside the man unable to think of the words.

"She's going to be ok," continued Severus. James sucked in a harsh breath, and dropped his chin to his chest, giving another unconvincing little nod.

A noise, like a little sniffle, from the man cracked Severus' heart. Hesitantly, Severus reached up and squeezed James' shoulder, desperate to do something. Without further reticence, James pitched forward and let out a few broken sobs on Severus' shoulder.

"It's going to be ok," Severus muttered, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. Thinking about Lily made Severus want to burst into tears himself, and she wasn't his wife or the mother of his children. Still, he loved her enough he could empathize with the depths of James' despair. For a moment, he tried to imagine what life would be like with out Lily. Him, James and the kids, it seemed like a bad sitcom. He tightened his grip so that he was holding James properly, the man accepted it for a moment, then pulled away.

"Thank you for coming," muttered James as he looked down.

"Of course," Severus said, as they slowly started to walk back down the hall towards the waiting room. "Family, right?" James smiled a little, and Severus realized that it was the probably the first time he had called them that.

There was more tense silence as they waited. Finally, as Healer came through with an almost bored look on his face.

"Potter, Lily." Both James and Severus jumped to their feet, James' face the colour of cottage cheese.

"Is she ok?" he asked. before the doctor could get a word out.

"She's fine. We were able to shrink and remove the bullet and luckily it missed all major organs. I'd like to keep her overnight for observation and to manage any pain, but we should be able to let her go tomorrow," the Healer with a smile. James keeled over in relief and laughed a little hysterically. Severus gently laid a hand on his back.

"Can we see her?" asked Severus. They were led to a semi-private room. The other occupant, an Indian woman with horns coming out of her skull, was sleeping peacefully in the other bed, but Lily was awake, half-way sitting up on the pillows. She gave them a wide, beaming smile and the remaining anxiety Severus had was replaced with relief so desperate, he felt a little faint.

James had already run to her side to hold her and was whispering something in her ear that made her nod and tear-up as she clutched him back. It was such an intimate moment, Severus almost felt guilty for intruding on it, but Lily turned smiled at him and opened her arms.

"How are you doing?" he asked, stepping forward to hug her tightly.

"I'm fine," she whispered, sounding genuine. Finally, there was a lull in the conversation, and James leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm going to find whoever did this, and I'm going to kill them," James said with such force, Severus almost believed it.

"Honey," Lily said squeezing his hand lightly. "It's alright, everything's fine. Just let the Aurors do their job."

"I'm going to let the children, Polly and Remus know that you're okay," he whispered moving her hair behind her ear. "They're all worried about you. Sev, you don't mind staying?" Severus shook his head.

"I'm sorry I stole your thunder," Lily said, as soon as James left. "It was such a big day for you."

"I can't think of anything I care less about," Severus said, sitting on the edge of her hospital bed. She smiled and rested her hand on his.

"Thank you for taking care of James and the kids," she said, her eyes shining with tears. "I don't know what I'd do without you." Severus recalled with horrible clarity, the previous hour when he didn't know what was going to happen or how injured she was.

"Me neither," admitted Severus, squeezing her hand back. She smiled at him then motioned for her purse that was sitting on the chair.

"Anyways, on to more important things. People get shot everyday" she said riffling through her bag with a slightly pained expression. "But best-sellers are rare, so I was hoping you maybe put a good word in with the author. See if he'll sign this for me?"

She handed him her book with a smile, and he signed it with a smirk.

"Severus Snape," she said looking at it with faint disapproval. "That is what I get 'Severus Snape'? No note? I just got shot for Merlin's sake."

Severus rolled his eyes, took back the book and hastily scrolled "Love" on top of his name and handed it back.

"Much better," she said with a smile.

XXxxxxXXX

Pauline was warm and wet under the beads of water from the shower. Severus kissed her insistently, and her arms wound tightly around his neck, playing with his hair. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her naked body close to his. He kissed the side of her thin neck, and she gasped a little in his ear. He was going to keep kissing downward when the bathroom door burst open with a loud crash.

"Uncle Sev!" yelped Harry, hysterically. Severus immediately pulled away from the Pauline and gave her a panicked look. She clapped her hands over her mouth and giggled.

"Uh - uhm - what's wrong, monkey?" Severus asked hurriedly, summoning a towel and wrapping around his waist. He cast an apologetic look to Pauline and pulled back curtain just enough so he could step out of the bathtub. Harry was standing there tearfully with a piece of lego sticking out of nose. Severus tried not to laugh.

"Where's your Mommy?" Severus asked as he picked the boy up and sat him on the bathroom counter.

"Putting Millie to bed," Harry said softly. "I was just playing."

"It's ok," said Severus reassuringly. He pointed his wand at the boys face and shrunk the piece of lego so that it fell out of his nose. As soon as it fell out, he cast a cleaning charm on it, resized it and handed it back to the toddler.

"Legos aren't for your nose," he said sternly. Harry nodded gravely, but stopped when a chuckle came from the shower.

"Who's in there?" he asked curiously.

"No one's in there," said Severus hurriedly, lifting the boy off of the counter and sending him out the door. "Go play." Harry looked a little put out at being shuttled out of the room, but did what he was told.

As soon as the boy was far enough away, Severus pulled back the curtain. Pauline still had her hands over her mouth and she burst out laughing now that Harry was gone.

"I can't believe you laughed," Severus said, stepping back into the shower.

"Legos aren't for your nose!" she said, mimicking his stern voice and face. "You're no fun."

"That's not true. I've been told I can be a lot of fun," Severus whispered. Pauline pulled his towel off and kissed his ear lightly.

"Is that so?" He turned the water on, and was about to kiss her when the door burst open again.

"Have any toilet paper in here?" James asked, his mouth full of toothpaste. This time Pauline screamed and Severus jumped as well.

"Does anyone knock in this bloody house?" yelled Severus. poking his head out of the shower curtain to glare murderously at James, who looked ridiculous holding the toilet paper in one hand and his toothpaste in the other with an expression of complete shock.

"So sorry. Hi Polly!" he said backing out of the room. As he was about to leave he gave Severus a large thumbs up and mouthed 'nice'. Severus rolled his eyes and put his head back in the curtain.

The water was still running, but one look at Pauline's face told him the mood had totally died. Still she threw him such an adorably, embarrassed grin, he found he didn't mind.

"I'm starting to prune," she said with a laugh. Severus summoned a towel and wrapped it around her shoulders, kissing her lightly on the nose. She looked up to him, blushed then stepped out of the tub, and he could feel his heart hammer in his head chest insistently.

"I am so sorry," James said when Pauline and Severus came down for breakfast the next morning. Lily waggled her eyebrows, which got her a slap on the shoulder from Pauline. Severus just glared and accepted the pancakes James passed sheepishly to him.

Severus sat down on the nearest chair and jumped up when he landed on a set of lego. His hatred for this stupid Muggle toy was at an all-time high. Harry giggled at him deviously. Lily was trying to feed Amelia pancakes, but the baby was in the middle of the terrible twos and putting up an enormous fight involving a lot of screaming. Neither James not Pauline minded, both of them were having a loud conversation over it. Everything was so damn loud, that he almost missed the voice coming from the fireplace.

"Professor Dumbledore, sorry sir," Severus said getting to his feet when he finally saw the man's face in the fireplace. Dumbledore smiled graciously.

"Never mind my dear boy, a loud kitchen is a happy one," he said. All of the adults in the room regarded the fireplace with worried eyes. Unannounced visits from Dumbledore typically did not bode well.

"Is everything alright, sir? Would you like to come through?" James asked solicitously. "We have pancakes."

"Everything's fine James, and as partial as I am to your pancakes, I was simply hoping to borrow Severus for a moment," replied Dumbledore, smiling at Severus. Momentarily taken aback, Severus blinked in surprise but nodded.

"Wonderful, I'll see you momentarily," said Dumbledore cheerfully. With that, Dumbledore vanished from the fireplace.

Severus arrived moments later in Dumbledore's lush office. He hadn't been in it since he was a boy, and he blinked at all the curious portraits ands shiny silver instruments in curiosity before he realized Dumbledore was staring at him with a smile.

"It's rather overwhelming isn't it?" said Dumbledore with a smile, please sit down. Surprisingly, Dumbledore took the second visitors chair instead of sitting behind his desk.

"I was hoping to ask you a favour," Dumbledore said, there was a twinkle in his eye that worried Severus, but he nodded.

"Horace Slughorn is retiring at the end of this year, and I was hoping that you would consent to the post of Head of Slytherin House and come teach at Hogwarts," said Dumbledore with a bright smile. Completely taken aback Severus simply gaped for a few moments.

"Sir, I - I have not practiced Potions in years, and I certainly do not believe I'd be capable of adequately monitoring a hundred students," said Severus when his mind finally started to work again.

"Ah yes, I am well aware that you have not practiced Potions in years, that's why I would be offering you the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor," Dumbledore said. "Professor Eagleton who currently teaches it is more than capable of teaching Potions, and has expressed his preference for doing so to me."

"I don't know that I'd be a good teacher, sir," continued Severus, his mind reeling.

"Severus, your Defence Guide has become a best seller. You wrote with knowledge and clarity. I believe you'd be a fine instructor," Dumbledore said with such confidence that Severus almost believed it.

"Would I live at Hogwarts?" Severus asked after a moment of consideration. There was a look in Dumbledore's eye that was all too knowing, and he gave Severus an understanding nod.

"Heads of House are required to live on campus so their wards may find them in times of need," Dumbledore said. Severus nodded vaguely.

His soul up until the night Voldemort almost attacked the Potter's had been a broken, fragile thing. When Lily and James took him into their house, it was like they had put that fractured soul in a firm, protective cast. They treated it with concern and care, and slowly it had begun to knit back together. Still, he was far from believing that he was ready to pull of the cast and walk alone.

"Think about it," Dumbledore said. "Take the week."

It was all he could think about, and both James and Lily could tell something was up. They kept sharing concerned looks and asking probing questions. Now when he went to bed in his little second floor bedroom he felt so safe in, he felt childish, and although Pauline never said anything and got on famously with both Potters and the children, bringing her to the Potters' felt a little bit like sneaking his girlfriend into his parents house.

Still, this was his home. The first place he had ever been loved, accepted and part of a family. It was easy to maintain that feeling when Lily was in the kitchen every morning, and James was barging in asking for toilet paper, but he wasn't certain that feeling would stay once he left. He was not a particularly pleasant man to be around, without that obligation they might just forget about him, and that thought was almost too painful to bear. Hogwarts, Severus reflected as he watched Harry and Amelia run around the kitchen, was just a job. This was his family, and he wasn't going to leave them.

He was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, that he almost didn't notice James' and Lily's huge smiles as they sat down across from him.

"Sev," Lily said softy. He looked up at their beaming faces, and frowned in confusion. "I'm pregnant." Behind her, James did a victory dance and whooped. Rapturous joy was clear on both their faces. His own heart warmed and leapt.

"Congratulations!" he said standing up and hugging them both. He looked at Lily's tear-filled eyes and James' proud grin and with sudden clarity realized that he wanted his heart to fill and rip the way their's were right now.

"I'm moving out," he said. The smiles promptly fell of their faces and he regretted the blunt delivery. When he apologized for stealing Lily's thunder, explained about Hogwarts and the job and reassured them that it was not the baby, they still didn't look particularly happy.

"So it's not cause there is going to be another baby running around here?" asked James uncertainly. As though the baby could suddenly be removed from the picture if that was the complaint. They were now on their fourth cup of tea, and both of them still looked vaguely disapproving.

"No, Potter," Severus said for the third time. "It's just time. Certainly you didn't think I was going to live here forever?" James and Lily exchanged a look that Severus couldn't quite decipher.

"Well not forever," said James. "Just until, you know, you died." Severus gave him an exasperated look, but James thew his hands up.

"What? I like living with you. I thought you liked it here too!" James continued petulantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest and looking very much like a sullen child.

"I do, Potter, really," said Severus. Both James and Lily were studying him carefully with almost identical looks of patient curiosity. "But I've got to make it on my own."

"Why?" said Potter. There was a touch of indignity in his voice. Lily gave him a quelling look. "No I'm serious. Why does anyone have to make it on their own? It seems to make a lot more sense to make it with your family."

"You really want to do this?" asked Lily gently, covering his hand with her warm one. In a real way, he didn't. He loved living in the Potter house more than he would ever care to admit to either of the Potters, and he was petrified to leave it.

"Yes," said Severus softly. "Positions at Hogwarts don't come around often, and I almost gave it up so I could stay here. Don't you see? I want to have a career, my own life, my own family even. If I stay here, I'll be so comfortable I'm afraid I'll never make that happen."

Lily squeezed his hand with a small, almost sad smile, and there was a slightly less defiant angriness to James' jaw.

"Alright then," Lily said. "We'll help move you out, anything you need." James grunted in agreement, which Severus could tell was the closest to whole-hearted support the man could get.

"Thank you," he said softly, knowing it was better to accept their help rather than upset them further.

Still, moving in to Hogwarts was supposed to be an easy process. Severus had never had owned more things then he needed, and he didn't need much. It would have taken only a few moments of taking boxes trough the fireplace, but James kept discovering things like kettles, towels and dish-soap that Severus didn't have because of his years with the Potters. That would have been fine if Lily hadn't then decided that the plain stone walls and Hogwarts-issued furnishings were 'depressing' and had to apparate all over London finding decorations.

By the end of it all, a process that was supposed to take a couple hours had taken the whole day and his formerly cold, drab apartment had a roaring fireplace, pictures and flowers on the mantle, a half-full bookshelf on one of the walls and thick, velvet curtains covering the floor-to-ceiling windows that took up a whole wall. The apartment was almost homey, and Amelia toddling around pulling things out of the drawers while James and Lily cooked made it even more so.

"Dinner's ready," Lily said, carrying over a large bowl of linguine and clam sauce. James followed, carrying Amelia, and Harry, who had been acting oddly silent, toddled behind. As Lily waved her wand at the pasta and made it obediently jump onto four separate plates, he felt a little morose. Most of his dinners would be eaten alone now, and they probably wouldn't involve clam sauce. Just then, a loud knock broke Severus would of his reverie. Sharing a look of confusion with James, Severus quickly hopped to his feet and strode purposefully strode over to the door and opened it.

Dumbledore, Minerva and Hagrid were standing at the door, smiling.

"Hello, Severus," said Dumbledore with a wide-smile.

"We wanted to give you a proper welcome to your new home. I didn't know you'd have company," Dumbledore said looking around at the Potters and the full dinner that was laid out on the table. "Please forgive the intrusion."

"Not at all, come in," said Severus. He recovered from his surprise with a blink and opened the door wider. Minerva gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and squeezed the top of his arm gently.

"I baked ya some rock-cakes, Professor," said Hagrid, handing over a small, dented tin.

"Just Severus, Hagrid. Thanks for these," Severus said, placing the rock cakes on the mantle. The last time Severus had eaten one of Hagrid's cakes, he had to have Lily repair his cracked tooth. It was not an experience he wished to repeat.

Soon, Dumbledore had multiplied the food and James had dug out some extra dishes and they were all squished around Severus' four person kitchen table. There was so many people in such a small place that he couldn't even consider that one day he may feel lonely.

"Come on, try one bite," Dumbledore said, attempting to tempt the youngest Potter into trying a clam. With a stubbornness only a toddler could manage she shook her small, dark pigtails from side-to-side and pushed away the spoon, spilling it everywhere.

"Alas, she is set in her ways," Dumbledore said with a laugh, cleaning the mess up with a swish of his wand.

"It took me awhile to like clams meself, something isn't right about slimy foods. This here is fantastic though," said Hagrid, as he look a large bite of the clam linguine. Lily smiled at him and put more food on his place.

"So Professor Snape, have you given any thought to how your going to run your house? You're about to have a hundred little Slytherins under your control," asked Minerva with a playful smile. From anyone else the question might have sounded accusatory, but from her it was an attempt to draw him under her wing.

"He's going to be so mean!" James said with a laugh. Severus snorted and rolled his eyes.

"I will not be mean," said Severus indignantly.

"I'm sure he'll be a very good teacher," said Dumbledore kindly. "The students will be lucky to have him." Hesitantly, Severus raised his eyes to meet Dumbledore's kind, twinkling ones. The older wizard would never know how much his support meant to Severus. Without it, he didn't think he'd ever be able to leave the Potters'. Suddenly, without warning, Harry jumped to his feet and bolted out of the kitchen to the bathroom. For a moment, the adults all exchanged bemused looks, but the boy's sullen moodiness started to suddenly make sense to Severus.

"Harry?" Lily said, standing to go after him.

"Was it something I said?" asked Dumbledore.

"I'll go," Severus said, waving Lily off. She sat down reluctantly and Severus walked over to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"Harry?" asked Severus quietly.

"Go away!" yelled Harry, petulantly. Severus had known the boy ever since he could talk, had witnessed nearly every unsightly tantrum, and was barely fazed by the response. He opened the door to find the boy sitting on the side of the bathtub with his head in his hands. With a pang of sympathy, Severus strode across the room and knelt down in front the little boy. He could see thin lines of tears on the boy's flushed cheeks.

"What's wrong, Hare-bear?" asked Severus, putting a hand on Harry's knee. He just shrugged miserably in response.

"Why do you have to go?" whined Harry, rubbing at his eyes. With a sigh, Severus sat on the side of the bathtub and wrapped an arm around the little shoulders.

"Because I really would like to have this job," Severus said. Harry's lip trembled and more tears welled up in his eyes. "Oh now, come on. It's ok." Severus ran a hand up and down the boy's arm.

"But I don't want you to go."

"Alright, come here," Severus said, dragging Harry on to his lap. He was still young enough to melt against Severus' chest and cry earnestly into his shirt. Severus' large hand almost completely covered the boy's back, and when he pulled him close and kissed him on the head, it still felt like he was holding a baby.

"I don't want to leave you either," Severus said, stroking Harry's messy hair. "You can come visit me anytime you want, ok?" With a long sniff, Harry wiped his nose on his sleeve and stared up at Severus with big, watery eyes.

"Promise?" he whispered, wiping the last bit of moisture off of the pudgy cheeks. Severus nodded solemnly.

"I promise. Now, let's go out there and get some cake." Harry shook his head and wiped at his face.

"No. I'm blotchy," protested Harry. It was only the last few times Harry had cried that he had been embarrassed and concerned about being blotchy. He was growing up. Severus had been there for the majority of the baby's milestones, and it was oddly sad to think that he was going to start missing things.

He conjured a washcloth and turned on the tap to wet it.

"Let me see," whispered Severus. He pressed the wet cloth to the blotches on Harry's face. Tired from his outburst, Harry snuggled more completely into Severus' chest and started to suck his thumb. Soon the redness faded from the child's face and he smiled up at Severus.

"Now do you want cake?" asked Severus gently. Eagerly, Harry nodded and Severus picked him up, noticing again how much bigger the boy had gotten as he momentarily struggled to get to his feet.

"There they are!" Lily said, all the adults turned to look at Harry and Severus. The attention embarrassed Harry, who turned his head into Severus' neck to escape it.

"Hare-bear, do you want some cake?" asked James. The juicy slice of chocolate cake provided enough temptation for Harry to squirm down out of Severus' arms and ran to his father.

Soon the cake was done, Minerva, Hagrid and Dumbledore had gone to their own quarters, and both Harry and Amelia were fast asleep in Severus' guest bedroom. Severus had uncorked last bottle of elf-made wine and he and James were hovering somewhere between tipsy and drunk while Lily sipped tea and raised her eyebrows at their increasingly loud laughter.

"You guys are going to wake the children," she said with a chuckle, hitting James in the arm. "And it's late, we really should be getting back." James nodded and got to his feet with a groan.

"I'll get the kids," James said with a nod, disappearing into the guest bedroom. Lily looked at Severus, her eyes starting to swim alarmingly.

"Come on, don't cry," Severus said with a little groan.

"I'm pregnant, Sev. Everything makes me cry," she said stepping forward and hugged him.

"I'll still be around for babysitting, Sunday dinners, anything you need. I'm just across the floo." She smiled weakly up at him and wiped the tears away from her eyes.

"I know. You've got everything, right? Pots and pans - a strainer? Do you have a strainer?" Lily asked looking through the nearest box.

"I think so…" said Severus, watching as Lily started to riffle through the last box of kitchen stuff for the elusive strainer. James exited the guest room carrying a fast-asleep Amelia in one hand and dragging a bleary-eyed Harry by the other hand.

"Alright, we're off. Now you're sure you have everything" James said turning to Severus. Both James and Lily were looking at him the ways parents looked at their children before they boarded the Hogwarts Express for the first time.

"Yes, Potter, I'm fine. Funnily enough, as an adult I can suitably manage my own affairs," said Severus defensively.

"And you do it so delightfully, Sev, really," James said with a grin. "Alright, come on, give me a hug," He raised his arms and Severus returned the hug slightly reluctantly, squeezing Amelia in between them.

"I'll see you for drinks on Thursday, alright?" James said. Severus nodded and kissed Amelia on the forehead then bent down to Harry who was staring at the floor looking downcast.

"Bye Hare-bear," he said, gently tapping the boy's chin up. Harry pitched forward and hugged him tightly.

"Bye Uncle Sev," he whispered, before retreating back to his father. For a moment, Severus looked over the slightly depressed-looking Potter family and felt as though he ought to say something to make them feel ok. The words of thanks seemed inadequate and saying that they saved his life and his soul seemed melodramatic, even with all the wine.

"I…thank you," Severus said awkwardly. "Thank you for letting me into your home, your family." James smiled, and Lily's eyes filled with tears again. She stepped forward and gave him another tight hug.

"Come on now, this is see-you-in-four-days, not goodbye," James said reasonably, boosting Amelia up further on his hip as he watched the scene fondly.

"Oh, it'll be sooner than that won't it, Sev?" she asked with her wide, glittering eyes. Severus nodded with a laugh.

"Of course." With that, they stepped into the fireplace, leaving Severus with only the whispers of their presence. A few undone dishes, pictures on the wall, rumpled sheets where Amelia and Harry had slept. Somehow those whispers made the silence in his apartment even louder.

He had spent so much of his life alone, he'd just assumed that it would come back to him, but for a moment he stood stupidly in the centre of his living room wondering what to do with himself. To do something, he cleaned the dishes, unpacked the last boxes and straightened his bedroom. No baby cried, no footsteps tread reassuringly above him, and for a moment Severus missed it. Then he realized, that there was no baby, no footsteps, and no other people.

He took a pinch of floo power and through it into the fire.

"Polly?" after a moment, her sleepy- pretty face came into view as she regarded him with some concern.

"Sev? Is everything ok?"

"Yes. I have the place to myself, you know, and since you couldn't make dinner I thought you might like a private tour." said Severus, smiling as playfully as he knew how to. Her concern turned into a wide-grin.

"I'll be right over."

“You’re being a girl,” muttered Severus as James poured over the selection of bright diamond rings.

“You’re lucky I’m taking this seriously, or you’d have bought that ghastly pear-shaped one a few stores back,” muttered James carefully examining a huge, obscenely expensive ring.

“What about the princess cut?” asked a harried salesgirl who had pulled out nearly every ring in the store. She flicked her wand at it and it wound in circles around the air. “2 carats, platinum-setting…” James scrunched his nose in distaste, and Severus shook his head as well.

“I think I need to think about it,” Severus said. The poor young witch forced on a bright smile and nodded.

“Of course,” she said. Severus gave her an apologetic smile, muttered a few words of thanks and headed out of the door.

“Well, I am fairly certain that’s every diamond in the London,” said James cheerfully. “To Paris?” Severus couldn't tell if the man was being serious or not and let out a little groan.

“Oh come now, it’s meant to be hard,” James said clapping him on the back. “Have you thought about how you’re going to propose?”

A knot tightened in Severus’ stomach. Committing to Pauline wasn’t the problem. He always fell fast and hard and from the first time they kissed he knew he was hers forever. The problem was that he now had to ask her to be his. He could not possibly fathom how a woman could commit to him for the rest of her life, especially a woman as wonderful as Pauline.

“One problem at a time, Potter,” muttered Severus before exploding. “How hard is it to find a damn ring?”

“Maybe if you actually said what you wanted,” James said patiently.

“Timeless,” Severus said. “and perfect.”

“Well, with perfect being in the criteria, we shouldn’t have too much trouble,” James teased. “What about your Mother’s ring?” Severus scoffed.

“Ok, bad idea,” conceded James. “Come on, you must have a vision.” Severus was quiet for a moment.

“The old-fashioned claw holding the diamond,” he muttered, feeling a little embarrassed. James looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled. He grabbed Severus arm, and before he could resist they had apparated back to the Potter’s house.

Potter disappeared up the stairs for a moment, then reappeared holding a small, battered blue box. He opened it and passed it to Severus. A large, square diamond sat delicately in a claw in the centre of a platinum ring, the type of detail-work that only could be accomplished by Goblins surrounded the band. It was gorgeous.

“Perfect, right?” James asked with a smile. Severus peeled his eyes away from the ring to look at James’ bright face.

“It’s my Great-Grandmother’s, goblin-made,” James said. Goblin-made engagement rings were exceedingly rare now, the creatures took it as a point of personal pride not to make Wizard ‘trinkets’. The ring would be worth a fortune.

“You wouldn’t mind me getting a jeweller to copy it?” asked Severus, running a finger over the engraving.

“Why get a copy, when you can have the original?” James said. Severus blinked at the man in disbelief, then laughed.

“Potter, I can’t accept that, this - this is a -” he sputtered not bing able to find the words, and placed the ring on the table.

“A family heirloom,” James said firmly. “It’s for family.” He took the ring and placed it back into Severus’ hand.

“Potter, I appreciate this. I do, really. But you should save that for Harry or Millie or your other children,” Severus said.

“They have lots of other stuff,” said James, his smile turned a little sad. “My parents were wonderful, really wonderful. I mean I was their whole world. They completely doted on me. Especially my father, anything I wanted I could get from him with a smile and a kiss. That’s the great part of being an only child.”

James’ parent’s were never a topic of casual conversation in the Potter house. All Severus knew was that they died within a week of one another when James was eighteen, and that the second week of April James was irritable and morose. The scars clearly ran deep, and Severus didn't really know what to say.

“The downside, of course, is that when your parents die, you’re all alone,” James continued softly. “So I have all this wonderful Potter family stuff, and I want to share it with my family. They would want me to share it with my family.”

Severus looked back down at the ring, then at Potter’s reassuring smile.

“Are you absolutely certain?” he asked quietly. James’ lips quirked into the beginning of a smile and he nodded.

“Though if you prefer, I also have a bunch of Black family heirlooms up in my attic,” said James with a laugh. “I’m sure you could find a nice wedding ring in there, but it might bite off Polly’s finger or something.” Severus laughed, and shook his head.

“No, this is perfect,” said Severus genuinely. “But look, you have to at least let me pay you for it.” James rolled his eyes.

“The point of an heirloom, Sev, is to pass it down, from generation-to-generation,” said James as though he was talking to someone very slow. Severus opened his mouth to protest but James cut him off.

“Buying it cheapens it, Sev,” he said seriously, and that was not something Severus could argue with. “It’s about family legacy.”

“Thank you, James, really,” Severus said softly after a moment, putting the ring in his pocket. “This means a great deal.” It was the closest to a declaration of love or affection that Severus could get.

“It’s not a problem at all. I’m happy to do it. Now, considering I just saved you a few thousand Galleons, I think you should buy me a beer,” James said with a grin, clapping Severus on the back.

Now that he had the ring, he had to figure out how to propose. He was desperately trying to find the line between meaningful and over-the-top. Romance was not his forte. James, Remus and Lily weren’t much help. James had proposed to Lily while bleeding out after a Deatheater attack, something which may work for nineteen year-olds, but seemed a little melodramatic now. Everything Remus came up with involved scented candles and poetry, and Lily’s suggestion “give her the bloody ring and ask” seemed a little cold.

“Just speak from the heart, dear,”  Molly had said kindly when he asked for her advice. “You’re a great man, you don’t need to do any more than that.”

So Severus decided to just wait for the right time to speak from his heart. He and Polly had dinner plans with the Potter’s, and the entire night the ring weighed down his pocket like a stone dragging him down to the ocean. He saw the sun starting to set over the flower garden, and decided that the moment they finished eating, he’d take her down there and propose.

He was mentally going over his speech when there was a sharp rap at the door. Gideon, the same prosecutor who had gone after Peter and whom Lily worked so closely with, was standing at the door. Two Aurors stood beside him. The moment she saw them, Lily stood up in concern.

“Gideon? Is everything alright?” she asked.  Gideon’s intense stare met Severus’ eyes, and a swell of anxiety cursed through him.

“I’m afraid not,” he said softly. “I’m sorry to intrude on your dinner, but I have an arrest warrant for Severus Snape.” Everyone at the table turned to look at Severus, who just stared at Gideon in blank confusion.

“Pardon?” James said, saying what everyone was thinking. Gideon took a step towards Severus.

“Severus Snape you are under arrest for crimes against Muggleborns and Muggles,” Gideon said.  Lily looked enraged, and James was still looking around as though he expected a Muggle TV crew to come in and say it was all a joke. Severus’ eyes went to Polly, her face was completely bloodless, but behind the shock in her pretty eyes he could see hurt and accusation.

“Gideon you can’t be serious,” Lily said in a quiet whisper, her eyes shifting nervously towards Severus. He looked away from her to focus on the table.

“I’m afraid I am.”

“Surely you can’t forget all he’s done for our side,” James continued in a low voice.

“All the evidence will be considered at trial of course,” said Gideon reaching around for Severus’ arm. Lily’s lips pursed as she stared at Gideon, then realizing she wasn’t going to get any further, she grabbed her coat.

“Fine. I’ll meet you at Azkaban. I want to see the specific charges” said Lily tersely, her lawyer-mode fully engaged. Gideon nodded his assent, and Lily turned to Severus.

“Sev,” Lily said softly. Everything was an odd sort of numb. His lips felt fuzzy. It had been completely insane to think that those years as Deatheaters would not have caught up with him.

“Sev, honey,” Lily said, touching his arm. Still in a daze he raised his eyes to meet hers. She gave him a small, encouraging smile. “It’s going to be fine. Don’t say anything until I get there, ok?” He gave a small nod in response, not quite able to hold Lily’s gaze and slowly placed his arms behind his back.

“You have the right to speak to -”

“Uncle Sev?” spun around towards Harry’s voice. The little boy was standing in the doorway watching him curiously in his pyjamas. All the adults just blinked at him for a moment.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly, walking further into the room. The hand that was holding Severus’ arm behind his back released, and Severus let out a breath of thanks.

“Nothing’s wrong, monkey,” Severus said, forcing a smile and kneeling down to be in the toddler’s eye-line. Harry could sense the anxiety in the room, and wrapped his arms around Severus’ neck, casting wary looks at the unknown Aurors standing around the room.

“What are you doing out of bed?” asked Severus gently as he got to his feet with the boy on his hip.

“There’s a monster under my bed. The floorboards keep creaking,” said Harry as he laid his head on Severus’ shoulder.

“There are no monsters, lovey,” said Severus kissing the boy on the temple.

“Will you come check?” the boy asked in a whisper. Severus quickly looked at James who wiped the look of concern of his face and stepped forward to take Harry.

“Come on, love, I’ll check,” James said. Severus handed the little boy over, feeling suddenly cold and empty without the warm weight in his arms. James’ eyes connected with Severus’ for a moment then he disappeared through the kitchen doorway up the stairs.

Gideon grabbed his wrists against and a gold cord sprang around them. A hand firmly gripped his shoulder and a moment later he was sucked up out of the Potter’s living room across the roaring ocean to Azkaban.

He was put all alone in a solitary cell. All he could see out the window was the ocean licking the sides of the brick building. He had never felt so insignificant, so worthless. He remembered how broken his soul had felt before the Potters, and he felt it shatter all over again. This time he was sure there would be no one to bind it for him.

Gideon had informed him of the atrocities he was accused of. The murder of a muggle family he had participated in, the torture of multiple Aurors and previous members of the Order, supplying devastating potions that undoubtedly killed more. One of the people his potions had been used to kill with Fabian Prewett. Molly had always been so kind to him, and he’d never be able to look at her in the face again.

The thought of Lily and James made his stomach roll. They may have been accepting of a lot, but now that his crimes were laid bare, crimes against people that they knew, were friends with, there was no way they could forgive him for that.

He wondered what they told Harry and Amelia, if he’d ever see them again. Thinking of the babies growing up, barely remembering him, and then only as a murdering Deatheater extinguished the last light in his soul and he leaned against the wall of his cell, and sobbed.

“Your lawyer is here,” rasped one of the guards early the next morning. He was one of only three wizards who worked on Azkaban, and although he was black, there was something ghostly about him, like the Dementors had sucked the colour and life from his soul and his skin.

“I don’t have a lawyer,” whispered Severus.

“Yeah you do, pretty redhead,” Severus jerked his head up and looked at the guard. He nodded and followed the man to a small mildewy room with a single desk. Lily was sitting at the desk studying the contents of a thick manilla folder.

The moment he walked in she stood up, ran over to him and hugged him tightly. He was so surprised he just stood still.

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” she asked, pulling back to examine his face. He didn’t know how to respond to that, so he just looked down.

“Come, I brought you lunch. James made you chilli, and Pauline put in some cupcakes,” said Lily brightly.

“No outside food,” said the guard.

“Oh Roy, I brought you some chilli and cupcakes too,” she said with a little wink. Roy grunted but took the lunch without further comment. Somehow the spread of food in front of Severus made him want to puke and cry and scream all at the same time.
 
“You shouldn’t be here,” Severus whispered, looking at her large belly, Dementors could not be good for the baby.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m fine,” Lily said gently. “How are you?” she asked again, reaching over and touching his hand. It felt wrong somehow, her touching him. He felt like he was going to destroy her and her perfect, little baby and everything else he touched.

“Honey, I wish you’d talk to me,” she said gently after a few moments of his silence. He didn’t respond, not out of petulance, but because he couldn’t imagine what he could possibly say, or if he wanted to say anything. He just wanted to die of shame and grief and the awful unsettling feeling that came from Lily still sitting beside him.

“Alright, if you won’t talk, at least eat something, ok” she pressed, pushing the food towards him. “I know this is hard, but Gideon is not as unreasonable as he seems sometimes. I’m certain we can work out a deal, and I’m going to be right here for everything, alright? You’re not alone.” Somehow, that made everything feel worse.

“You think I want you knowing all this?” Severus spat bitterly, motioning to the large folder containing God knows what. “Why are you even here? I don’t need a lawyer. Just let Dementor’s kiss me and be done with it.”

“Over my dead body,” Lily said, giving him a stare so fierce that he actually sat back in his chair. “Don’t think for a moment I forgot what you did for me. You saved Harry’s life. I saw Bellatrix’s wand coming through the air and there was nothing, not a thing I could do for him. I thought he was going to die. And you saved him.” Lily said tears in her eyes. She brushed them away as if embarrassed by her own weakness, then turned her hard eyes back to him.

“If anyone wants to cause you any pain, they have to go through me, and I assure you that is no easy feat,” she said. “Now, you pull it together, right now.”

“Just because I saved Harry, doesn’t mean I’m not a monster,” Severus said, trying unsuccessfully to keep his voice from cracking. Her eyes softened slightly.

“Sev, I’ve seen case-after-case of this shit. You know what stands out in your file to me? No rape, no dead kids, and considering your years as a Deatheater, very few murders, especially for sport. Voldemort kept you in the background, brewing, planning. He knew you didn’t have an appetite for violence, and didn’t want to push you.” With a sigh she reached across the table to move the bangs off of his forehead. It amazed Severus sometimes, how quickly Lily was able to transition from fierce to gentle.

“You were never a monster, sweetheart.” she said softly. “You made some mistakes, and people got hurt. You also were in a lot of pain, and you changed your life at great risk to your own. That means something, Sev.”

“Not to the families of the people I killed,” whispered Severus. Lily ran a hand through her hair and nodded.

“That’s probably true,” she conceded. “Some people will not be able to understand, or forgive…but James, Remus, Dumbledore, Pauline, me, we know your heart. We love you, and we understand.”

He wasn’t sure if the words were increasing the pain in his chest, or lessening them, but he couldn’t stop replaying them in his head. He gave a brief nod.

“Now, let me do my job. Let’s start at the beginning,” Lily said, turning back to the file. They combed through every horrid thing he ever did in excruciating detail. Lily’s matter-of-fact business like tone kept him from drowning in despair. The only time she showed emotion was when he described the Dark Mark being seared into his skin. She rested her hand on his tattooed forearm, somehow the contact made him able to continue speaking. Hours later, she stood up and smiled at him.

“You try and get some rest, ok?” she whispered, cupping his face and running her thumb along the cheek. “Harry misses you, you know? He wants you to teach him how to make a potion.” Severus smiled briefly. She hugged him, and then Roy was escorting him back to his cell.

He spent the next days in there with the Dementors circling overhead, pulling out buried negative thoughts, every time he had ever felt sad or lonely. He couldn’t cast a Patronus without a wand, but when the darkness got unbearable, he focused on other words.

“If anyone wants to cause you any pain, they’re going to have to go through me,” Lily said with surprising fierceness.

“Love you,” said Harry sweetly, kissing him on the cheek.

Pain tore through Severus’ stomach, and the hand that he was grabbing desperately clutched back with with equal strength:“I’m here. I won’t go,” James promised.

“They like to be held close,” said James "Right to your chest.” Severus looked at James skeptically but drew the bundle in tighter. Amelia blinked at him, then stopped fussing.

“I came as soon as I heard,” Remus said after Severus’ Dad had died, not quite understanding why Severus was surprised to see him.

“Though I can only definitively speak for myself, I assume everyone is here because they love you,” explained Dumbledore patiently as Severus looked around, confused that so many people had shown up at Tobias’ funeral.

The thoughts were nearly as strong and warm as his Patronus, and he clung to them like a security blanket.

The trial was painful and humiliating. Gideon was a smart, talented lawyer. Even Severus could appreciate that as he dully sat at the defence bench with Lily. Everything bad thing he had ever done, every mistake, all of it was laid bare in front of the entire wizarding community. Dumbledore was there, Minerva, Remus, even Arthur and Molly, who dabbed at her eye with a handkerchief the entire time. The only blessing was that James was home with the children, and didn’t have to hear about the Muggles Severus watched die, or killed, or tortured.

Lily herself was incredible. In all these years, Severus had never seen her in Court, but she was confident and smart and carefully cut through every argument Gideon made with a razor blade. Somehow she made Severus sound kind, smart, and compassionate, he didn’t even believe half the stuff she said to the Court. But no lawyer was good enough to erase what he had done.

Gideon ended up only seeking 30 days, which was more than fair even though Lily argued for community work. The judge ended up siding with Gideon, and when the verdict went down, James and Remus were both in the courtroom, looking more distraught than Severus felt.

“You can have a moment to say your goodbyes,” Gideon said. Two dementors waited in the back of the courtroom, filling the room with a deep coldness. James and Remus hugged him in turn.

“30 days. That’s alright. You’re going to be ok,” James muttered reassuringly as he patted him on the back.

“We’ll be right here when you get out,” Remus added, clapping him on the shoulder.

The 30 days in Azkaban was not as bad as it could have been. Gideon seemed to have some belief that Severus wasn’t a truly awful man, and had made sure to stick him in the lower levels of Azkaban, where the Dementor activity was limited. He was bored and a little depressed but mostly alright.

Still, when he got out Remus, James, Pauline, Lily and the kids were waiting at the Ministry as they promised, and Harry and Amelia both charged at him with shrieks of glee he realized how much he truly missed them, how lonely he had been. With uncharacteristic excitement, he swept both kids up into his arms, the cold despair the dementors had given him vanishing as he kissed their little foreheads.

“How are my little monkeys?” he asked as he carried them both in either arm.

“We’re having a party,” Harry said excitedly. Severus glared at James who gave a broad smile in return.

The party was almost all people Severus liked. Molly, instead of being repulsed by him, was one of the first people to hug him, and Dumbledore provided a steady feeling Severus hadn’t realized he was missing. Still, there was someone who deserved his thanks and recognition more than anyone.

He found Lily cutting up cake in the kitchen, mercifully alone.

“Drink?” he asked hopefully. She smirked and pointed at her bulging stomach.

“Right,” he said shaking his head at his stupidity as he poured himself a glass of wine.

“I never thanked you,” Severus said pouring a glass of water for her.

“You don’t have to thank me. That’s what family is for,” she said, squeezing his hand. He swallowed a ball of emotion and nodded.

“Are you doing ok? I know it’s rough in there,” she said, leaning against the counter. The cold dread that had followed him around since Azkaban was gone. No one looked at him with disgust. He had friends, a great girlfriend. He smiled.

“I’m fine, really,” he replied. Lily was about to say something when Harry flew into the kitchen.

“Mamma, Mamma, I’m gonna fly,” Harry yelped with excitement. Lily was too pregnant to pick him up but she crouched down and smiled at the toddler.

“Alright love, you tell Daddy to be careful with your precious self,” replied Lily ruffling his already messy hair.

“Polly’s on the balcony,” she said as she summoned Harry’s cloak and wrapped it tightly around his shoulders. “I’m sure she wants to see you.”

“Hey,” Severus said quietly, approaching Pauline from behind. She turned to giver him a weak smile, and he couldn’t help but notice that her eyes were rimmed with red.

“Hey,” she whispered, turning back to the party. James was streaking through the sky with Harry on the front of the broom. The four-year old shrieked with delight and giggled as James abruptly turned and streaked to the ground.

“I hate when he does that,” Severus muttered as James straightened the broom out and started to loop lazily around a large tree. Pauline smirked, but there was still the ghost of some dark feeling on her usually jubilant face.

“When I was little, my father used to take me skiing…” she stopped and looked up at him. “Skiing is where -”

“I know what skiing is,” said Severus. She nodded and looked back to the moon.

“Anyways he used to put my skis between his, hold me up and point right down the hill,” she said with a faint smile. “I mean it was the bunny-hill so it probably wasn’t that fast, but it felt like we were flying. I was never scared though, I knew he’d never let anything bad happen to me.” Tears shone in her eyes, and Severus hesitantly reached out to touch her shoulder.

“You never talk about your parents,” Severus replied softly. In all their dating and late night conversations, all he had learned about her parents was that they had died a few years ago.

“My Dad was a financial planner, my Mom stayed home with me until I went to Hogwarts, then she tried to make it as a painter,” she said with a sad smile. “They were brilliant.” Severus didn’t know what to say to that, so he just gave her a half-smile. She bit her lip.

“They were Muggles,” she continued softly. A cold feeling went through Severs’ veins and he knew what was coming next. “They were killed by Deatheaters.”   She wiped a tear off of her cheek, like she was frustrated with herself, and turned back to look at the Moon.

“I’m so sorry,” Severus said softly, not really sure if he was apologizing for his own actions or simply offering a lame condolence. She was always so bright and peppy, that seeing her cry was absolutely heart-wrenching. She bit her lip and looked away.

“After they died it was just me. I mean, I went from having this really close family to being all alone. I started to hate Holidays, and I spent almost all my time inside, baking,” she said with a sniffle. “Then I met you, and you are so smart, and kind, and handsome, and I loved you so much.”

The use of past tense was not lost on Severus, and the familiar cold feeling began to spread.

“I know how important James, Lily and those kids are to you. You have something special there and you could have been protective of it, but you never hesitated to bring me in, and that meant so much to me. And I thought… ” she continued. The tears were beginning to fall thicker and faster.

“Just say it,” Severus said tightly, looking away from her blotchy face. She started to cry harder, and a traitorous part of Severus’ heart took pity on her.

“You can’t date a Death Eater,” he said for her. She looked uncharacteristically small and meek standing there with her shoulders shaking. The cold horror had spread all over his limbs, and he wondered briefly if this was how people died of a broken heart.

“I know you’ve changed. I know what you’ve done for that light, and I know you are a great man, please know that,” she said brokenly. “But I can’t date someone who might have had a hand in the death of my parents. I’m sorry. Maybe I should have told you earlier, but I wanted to be there for you through the trial and Azkaban.”

Her being there for him had made this entire thing worse. When he got her letters, saw her face at the trial, heard her words of reassurance, the unconditionality of her affection, he never dared call it love, made him believe that he was worth something, that he was going to be ok. It was as though she had promised to fix a well-hidden wound, and the moment he revealed it, she poured acid in it.

She looked up at him with guilty, distraught expression, and he knew at that moment, he could completely cut her down with a couple well chosen words. Instead, he stepped forward, took her shoulders in her hands and gently kissed her on the forehead.

“Don’t be sorry,” he said, deliberately deepening his voice to prevent it from cracking. He let go of her, turned around and walked back into the party. She let out a little sob, and it took everything he had to continue to walk away from her.

The walk through the party felt surreal. All the talking and levity seemed to mock him. With a surreptitious look around, he apparated to the nearest bar with the intention of getting absolutely hammered.

He sat down at the edge of the bar and nursed his firewhiskey. The moment he ordered it, he wished he was at home. The bar was smokey, and the din of other people’s laugher and conversation made him feel even more alone.

After a few moments, a cloaked figure slid onto the stool next to him. Severus knew that messy hair, and he sighed. He supposed that it was something he had gotten twenty minutes alone.

“Hey,” said James gently. Severus nodded and took another swallow of the foul liquid.

“Pauline told me what happened,” James said after a few long moments of silence. From the look on James’ face, he knew exactly how much of a blow this was, and Severus suddenly couldn’t handle hearing anything he had to say. He shook his head sharply, clutching his glass hard. Embarrassingly, tears started to build up in his eyes. He knew if James so much as patted him on the back, he’d break.

“Just leave me alone,” he grumbled.

“Let me take you home first,” James said lightly, not the least bit put out by Severus’ harshness. “Lily’s put fresh sheets on the bed, chilli is on the stove, I found you an extra toothbrush.”

“I’ll be fine at Hogwarts,” muttered Severus, at least there’d be plenty of Potions ingredients to kill himself with.

“Please. Look, I’m asking you. We miss you. The kids miss you. The baby’s about to be born, we could use an extra set of hands,” cajoled James. “It’s almost Christmas. Stay for the Holidays at least.”

Severus looked hesitantly at James. Between Azkaban, Pauline, the humiliation of the trial, it had been an appallingly rotten few months. He was so tired, and honestly after Azkaban, the thought of being alone in his apartment all holidays was awful.

Numbly, he put his head in his hands. At that moment, they both knew James had won. A hand rested between his shoulder blades.

“Come on, I’ll make you a cup of tea,” said James softly. “It’ll all be ok.”

“Yeah, alright,” Severus muttered softly. James threw a few galleons on the counter and clapped Severus on the shoulder. He felt like he was walking through water as James guided him to the doorway, but the arm leading him through the crowd kept him afloat.

XXxxxxxxxXXXXXX

It was amazing how full the Potters’ huge estate could feel. With a two-year old toddler and a four-year old there was constant shrieking, tears and laughter. James was getting ready for the baby, and Lily was on bed-rest, so everyone was around all the time. But Severus liked the noise and the bustle, it kept him from thinking of Pauline and the empty apartment he now only occupied when he was on duty.

Severus was stretched out on the bed beside Lily, enjoying the brief moment of silence, as James took the children to the park.

“Ok, spicy peppers.” Severus said, holding the peppers out to her. The baby was two weeks late, and Lily was doing everything she could to move things along, including eating spicy food.

“You have to eat some too!” she whined, pouting in a way he couldn’t resist. He rolled his eyes, and popped a pepper in his mouth.

“Nothing is working!” she groaned.

“It’ll happen when it happens,” Severus said in as soothing of a voice as he could.

“Ugh that tone,” she said. “You get knocked up with an asshole alien and I’ll tell you it’ll happen when it happens!” Severus raised his eyebrows, and her face softened.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean -”

“It’s alright,” he said. “Come on, let’s try walking again.”

She grudgingly let him help her up.

“This always looks so much more fun on TV,” Lily said. “I miss Muggle TV.”

“Me too,” Severus said as they walked slowly around the room.

“Remember when we were kids, and we watched all those hours of I Love Lucy?” Lily said with a smile. Severus remembered that most times he went to the Evans’ house his father had whipped the skin off of his back. Even though she never knew it, her place was always his refuge. The one place he was treated with compassion. He never reflected that that held true as he became an adult.

“This kid is going to be trouble,” she said. Severus smirked.

“All your kids are trouble,” he said. “This morning Harry threw cereal at me.”

“Cause he likes you,” Lily said with a laugh, hitting him on the shoulder.

“I can’t believe you’re having another one,” Severus said. “This place is going to be a zoo.”

“You aren’t going to go, are you?” she asked suddenly. “Cause if you’re not here, Harry’s throwing cereal at me,” Severus shook his head.

“I want to play with the baby.” The second he said it, Lily pitched forward and grabbed her stomach.

“You’re going to get your wish!” Lily said, gripping his arm painfully hard.

“Now?” he asked anxiously. Of course his would happen the one time James left the house.

“Now!” she said.

“Alright come on,” he said, pulling her up. “I’ve got you.”

The baby was born so quickly that James, who Severus had to send a Patronus after, nearly missed it. Severus had just sat down in the waiting room with Harry and Amelia when James came striding back into the room with a smile.

“A boy!” he said holding his hand out to give Harry a high-five which the toddler did happily.

“You have to be careful now that you’re a big sister,” said Harry importantly to Amelia. “‘Cause babies are small and they don’t know anything. But don’t worry, I’ll help you.”Amelia nodded, looking at Harry with big awed eyes. James smirked at Severus over the children’s head and ushered them into the room.

After all the congratulating and the hugging, both the baby and Lily were clearly tired, so Severus had taken tiny little baby back to the nursery. He had almost forgotten how small brand new babies were, and he contented himself with watching his newest godson sleep peacefully. Of course, being a Potter, the peaceful slumber only lasted for about fifteen minute before the baby blinked awake and started to fuss.

“Oh it’s ok,” soothed Severus, rubbing the baby’s tiny belly. With a quick swirl of his wand he conjured a group of butterflies to fly around the baby’s head. The crying slowed to muffled sounds of discontent to droopy-eyed sighs.

“Trouble-maker already, I see,” Pauline said from behind him. He was so surprised to hear her voice, that he whipped around without taking a moment to hide the naked shock on his face. She wore her usual cheerful high ponytail, and a short salmon dress. Somehow she looked more breathtaking than he remembered her, though she had a painfully hesitant expression on her face, as though she expected Severus to yell at her.

“Was there ever a doubt?” Severus said, turning back to the baby, though his heart was beating in his ears so loudly he was barely able to focus on the child. Footsteps entered the room, and Pauline walked to the other side of the crib.

“Aw. He looks just like James,” she said, stroking the fat baby cheek, with a smile. Severus nodded in agreement. There was a long moment of awkward silence, then Severus stood up fully. Not even the prospect of sitting with the baby, something Severus had been looking forward to for a while, was enough to keep him standing in the room with Pauline in awkward silence. It was too painful.

“How have you been?” Pauline asked as he turned away from the crib. When he turned back to her, there was an odd urgency to her expression he couldn’t quite place.

“Fine,” he said neutrally.

“Good,” she said, sounding genuine. He nodded shortly again, and placed his hand on the doorknob.

“You’re well?” he asked shortly, before he could stop himself.

“Great,” she said with a smile. Somehow that made him feel worse. He wasn’t proud of it, but he was sort of hoping for her to be as much of a mess as he currently was. He gave her a tense smile then exited the room, his hands clenched in fists.

He went back to Lily’s room to find her fast asleep, surrounded by the insane amount of flowers Remus had sent in recompense for not being able to come to the birth. James was sitting beside her, entertaining Harry and Amelia with picture books and a large stack of blue cupcakes that surely were brought by Pauline.

“You could have warned me,” Severus said, just as James bit into a cupcake. The man blinked up at him innocently.

“Warned you about what, Sev? She didn’t come here with a weapon,” said James.

 “She doesn’t need a weapon. She’s perfectly able to rip out my heart and stomp on it without one,” Severus grumbled a little melodramatically. James opened his mouth then shut it again.

“Ice cream?” Severus asked the two toddlers, eager for an excuse not to see Pauline again. They both nodded enthusiastically.

“I want chocolate,” Amelia announced reaching her arms up. Severus swung her up on his hip easier and gave his other hand to Harry who also grinned broadly.

“Me too!”

“Well, no points for originality, but whatever suits,” Severus said, leading the children out of the room to the cafeteria. Soon, both Harry and Amelia had their fill of chocolate ice cream, and Severus was scrubbing a particularly stubborn patch of chocolate off of Harry’s face as the boy sat on his lap.

“Uncle Sev?” asked Harry innocently. “Are you gonna marry Polly?” Severus raised his eyebrows and pushed away the part of him that had planned to do just that.

“No.”

“Why not?” Harry asked, Amelia looked at him curiously as well. Before today, Severus had found Harry’s increasing curiosity about the world cute and indicative of intelligence. Right now it was just plain annoying.

“Because you marry people you love. She doesn’t love me,” explained Severus a little curtly. Harry continued to look at him with curiosity.

“Are you gonna have a baby?” he asked. Severus laughed.

“No,” Severus said. “I already have you guys.” He said, kissing him on the top of the head. Harry beamed back up at him and hugged him tightly around the waist.

“I love you,” Harry said into Severus chest.

“I love you too, monkey,” Severus said, planting a kiss on the top of hi head. “And I love you too!”  Severus said to Amelia who took her thumb out of her mouth to smile. At least the children   cared that he loved them.

“Come on, let’s go see your Mommy,” Severus said, pulling Harry up with him. Amelia was walking so it was a slow dawdle up the stairs to Lily’s room, and Severus carefully checked over his shoulder and around the corners like an escaped convict to make sure they did not run into Pauline. Thankfully, the hallway was clear.

“There you all are!” Lily said happily the moment Severus opened the doors. Severus deposited the kids onto Lily’s bed.

“I can take them home, if you want,” offered Severus, as both kids scrambled to her side.

“That would be great if you wouldn’t mind. I think someone is in need of a nap,” Lily said with a smile as Amelia cuddled up to her side. “Would you mind getting James for me first though? He went to see the baby and hasn’t come back yet. The little guy is probably getting hungry.”

Severus nodded, and walked out the door towards the nursery. Sure enough, James was sitting in the chair holding a little bundle of blankets. Severus opened the door quietly, surreptitiously looking around for Pauline before he entered.

“Don’t worry, she’s not here,” James said, still not taking his eyes off of the baby.

“Is everything alright?” Severus asked, thinking that the man looked rather morose for someone who just had a baby. Nothing seemed wrong with the child, but Severus wasn't an expert in these things. James nodded.

“Of course. He’s perfect,” James said, finally smiling a little as he rocked the baby.

“I’m just thinking about all the things the original Sirius is missing out on.” James said softly. “Having a family, growing old…his life was always so stressful, you know?”

Sirius was one topic that James and Severus both avoided by tacit agreement. The wound was clearly still raw for James. In four years later, he had never mentioned Sirius’ death to Severus, and although intellectually Severus knew he would probably have come to care for Sirius the same way he cared for Remus and James, he hadn’t had the time and had trouble imagining the man as anything more than the high school bully.

“I’m sure this would mean a lot to him,” Severus said quietly. James smiled down at the baby.

“I just wish he could be here to meet him,” James said, resting Sirius on his lap and pulling a funny face for the baby, that didn’t quite cover the sadness in his expression.

“I know, Potter.” James sighed, then looked up to Severus with a smile. Clearly, that was all the Sirius talk he could handle.

“Now the important question. Do you think you can stomach being godfather to a child named Sirius?” Severus laughed and held his arms open to take the baby. James passed over the blanket wrapped bundle. Sirius looked almost angelic: fast asleep with rosy pudgy cheeks. Even with that damn name Severus was already in love. Gently, he pulled away the bit of the blanket that was slightly covering the baby’s mouth.

“I think think I can manage,” Severus said with a smile.  

XxxxxXXxxxxxX

“Severus!” Severus sat bolt upright in his bed to find James and Dumbledore, both looking pale as the moonlight staring at him. Feeling extremely discombobulated, he pulled himself to a sitting position, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. It was 3 am in the middle of the week, and Severus had permanently moved back to his apartment in Hogwarts three weeks ago. There was no reason why they should be there.

“What - what’s happening?” muttered Severus.

“Voldemort is back,” Dumbledore said matter-of-factly. They must have missed a Horcrux.

“We need to go now,” added James throwing clothes at Severus.

“Go?” Severus said, only half-understanding what was going on as he got to his feet. Neither Dumbledore nor James took the time to elaborate further. James just pulled him towards the fireplace and moments later they were flooing through to the Potters’ kitchen.

They charged down the cellar steps and James locked the door securely behind him, muttering spell after spell at the ceiling. Lily was sitting in the far corner, clutching Sirius who was just barely old enough to sit up her arms, while Harry, all of four, wrapped a protective arm around Amelia. They both stared at him with wet, fearful eyes, and Severus felt a huge lurch of sympathy.

“Hey loveys,” Severus said, smiling as genuinely as he could at them. Harry got to his feet and ran towards him and James pulling Amelia with him. Severus picked Harry up and was about to say something reassuring when he heard footsteps on the ceiling. He shared a look of pure panic to James, who was holding Amelia, and they both ran to the corner to huddle with Lily and Sirius.

“I thought you said they’d be here?” It was Voldemort’s voice, and Severus felt cold dread pour over him as he pulled Harry closer and grabbed his wand.

“Forgive me, Master,” said a nasal, feminine voice Severus did not recognize. “Someone must have told.”

There was the sound of an explosion and an angry scream. Amelia squealed as James held her closer and kissed her hair.

“Search everywhere!” Voldemort said.

Severus flinched and looked up at the ceiling as another boot trod heavily. Harry buried his head in his shoulder and Severus held him close, partly to muffle any cries and partly to comfort the child. Harry gripped his back so tightly, Severus was sure it was going to leave marks.

“It’s ok,” murmured Severus into the child’s hair. “Shhh.” There was the sound of of footsteps and spells, but whatever spell James and his ancestors had placed on the old Estate held.

“They’ve gone into hiding,” Voldemort said finally. “I want to find out who told them. Go to everyone they know. I want the boy dead, by morning.” Instinctively, Severus arched a little further over Harry, as though he could hide him from harm. He made eye contact with James who was trying futilely to calm Amelia. When Voldemort mentioned wanting Harry dead, James squeezed his eyes shut, as though the comment had physically hurt him.  After a few moments, there was the sound of people leaving the house.

“I have to go. I have to find Pauline,” whispered Severus. James was already shaking his head.

“Sev, it is way too dangerous,” said James urgently, but Severus was already standing up and putting Harry on the ground.

“I’m going,” said Severus drawing his wand.

“Alright, then I’m going too,” James said, putting Amelia down as well.

“Potter, you can’t leave,” muttered Severus jerking his head to where Lily was trying to comfort Amelia and Harry while Sirius slept in a sling off of her chest. James looked back at them, and his fierce resolve waved.

“Sev, this is suicide,” James hissed, realizing there was no way he could leave his family.

“It’s Pauline,” Severus said lowly. “Tell me you wouldn’t go for Lily.” Any response James had died on his lips, and he nodded tightly.

“Hey,” said James, grabbing Severus’ arm. “Be careful.”  Severus looked up at James, prepared to make a glib comment, but he stopped himself at the dark look of concern on James’ face. He nodded, and headed out the cellar door.

Pauline lived in a small, one bedroom apartment just off Diagon Alley. When Severus walked down the street towards it, he felt the same way he had the night he had gone to get Sirius to save the Potters, out of his mind with fear, and so focused.

He placed a hand on the gate, but before he could open it, a hand was on his shoulder. He turned around, only to see Voldemort’s demented smile. Before he could scream, before he could anything, Voldemort grabbed him, and he aparated through the air.

After that there was no conception of time, just pain. He was locked in a cold cement room, not given food or water. Voldemort did not want him dead, which Severus supposed was a good thing, but he did want to know where the Potters were. Every once in a while, someone would come in and try to find out.

A familiar black, tousled head of hair entered the room.

“James,” whispered Severus.

“Hey buddy,” James said, running to his side. “Hey, I’m here. Let’s get you home.”

Severus grabbed his arm, relieved. James reached forward, and pulled him up to his feet, and Severus was about to ask about Pauline when suddenly James’ face morphed into Voldemort’s.

“No!” Severus said stepping back and falling.

“You want to see what really happened to your rescue party?” asked Voldemort harshly, nodding at the door. A cold dread filled Severus’ stomach. Two masked Deatheaters dragged in James and Remus, but it wasn’t really them, it was their corpses. They were horribly pale and waxy, like bloated ballons.

“No,” whispered Severus. “No!” He told James not to go anywhere. He had specifically told James to stay in the cellar. Remus was supposed to still be in New York.

He scrambled as best he could towards the bodies that were callously discarded on the floor.

“James,” whispered Severus, pushing his hair out of his face, before turning to place his fingers in Remus’ throat. There was no thumping of the pulse. A tear fell from Severus’ cheek on to James’ blood-stained shirt.

“Where is Harry?” Voldemort asked. “Unless you want his mother to end up like his father.” Severus’ straightened Remus’ shirt, trying to blink back his tears.

“I don’t know where Harry is,” said Severus through his clenched teeth. With a flick of Voldemort’s wand, Remus and James’ bodies vanished, just like that. Like they were nothing of import. Severus clenched his fists and held back a sob.

“Dorri, White, see that Severus sees reason,” Voldemort said, speaking to the Deatheaters.

Nott raised his arm and a green light burst forth from his wand. Intense pain shot up through Severus’ body and he collapsed against the wall with a wail.

The Deatheaters went at him until he had been under so much pain that he no longer could form sentences. Every once in a while, they pretended to be James or Remus, or Dumbledore. At first it was horrid, but now Severus knew that no one was coming for him, and he simply ignored the James and Remus look-alikes dying.

For what seemed like weeks but was probably only days, they blasted him with cold water, tortured him with the Cruciatus Curse, and left him with a broken arm, starved him and forced him to drink foul-tasting potion that made him crazy. Still, Severus refused to speak so they left him, freezing and coughing in the corner of his cell.

There was a loud crash from outside the doors and the sounds of screams and curses. Instinctively, Severus pulled himself further into his corner. The door to his cell open and Goyle pointed a wand at him.

“Incarcerous!” he yelled. Thick ropes bound Severus neck and body, cutting off his supply of air.

“We gotta go,” he said in a lumbering low voice.

Goyle reached down to grab him, but without a wand or any other form of weapon, James appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, and pulled Goyle off of Severus with an almost feral scream. Severus collapsed to the ground.

“Diffindo!” yelled someone who sounded like Remus. There were bursts of light and screams but Severus could barely follow what was happening, as he collapsed to the ground. Someone was on top of him, but they weren’t hurting him, it was almost as though they were protecting him from the screams and the blasts.

Suddenly, there was silence, and the body pulled away.

“Severus? Fucking hell, Remus get over here. Sev? Buddy, can you here me?” said someone in James’ voice. Quickly, Severus reminded himself that James was dead and clamped his eyes shut.

A hand touched him, causing him to flinch violently before it rolled him over.

“Hey buddy, it’s James, it’s just me,” soothed not-James gently as he pulled the ropes away from Severus’ neck and propped him up against his chest.

The cool hand on his forehead felt like James, and the chest he was propped up against smelled like James. Severus closed his eyes tightly and groaned. Not again. He couldn’t see James die again.

“What hurts?” not-James’ voice asked gently, mistaking Severus’ groan for one of pain.  If he kept his eyes closed, Severus could almost indulge in the idea that he was still alive. When Severus didn’t answer, a hand ran over him looking for injuries, and when he looked under Severus’ shirt to where all the burns and lash marks were, he hissed and swore.

“Look at you, you’re freezing,” he muttered, more to himself than to Severus now. With a flick of James wrist, a thick blanket materialized out of thin air, and he wrapped it around Severus’ shoulders.

“Ok, you’re alright,” the voice soothed. “It’s done. I’m gonna take you home.” The words felt like burning lava being poured into his soul.

“Fuck off,” Severus growled, finally looking up to glower at not-James who pulled away looking extremely concerned, and Remus who was peering intently over James’ shoulder.

 “You can’t fool me anymore. James is dead.” not-James sat back on his heels and wiped a hand over his mouth, looking distressed now that he didn’t have a way to fool Severus. There was a bang from outside and not-James froze to look at the door in fear, then turned back to Severus.

“Sev it’s me, I swear. Remus is here too,” James said softly.

“We have to go!” Remus said quickly as someone pounded on the door. Severus noticed the incapacitated Death Eaters lying on the floor, as though they were in the midst of a fight. James looked at the door desperately as well, then rested a hand gently on Severus’ shoulder.

“Hey, hey buddy look at me. You’re drugged, you’re tired, you’re hungry and a little confused. Let me take you home, ok?” not-James said softly.

A lot of the time, James’ affability made him seem like the younger, careless brother, but, underneath the joviality, James was a rock. Anyone who knew him well wanted him there when they were ill, frightened, or genuinely distressed. Severus hated that Voldemort was using that to manipulate him.

“Sev, drink this, alright?” said Remus, bringing the vial to Severus’ lips. Severus tried to move his head away, but not-James held him down tightly. Severus was still weakened from the drugs, starvation and incredible amount of pain and was no match for fake-James. Still he continued to kick feebly and almost managed to get up when Remus dumped the liquid down his throat.

“I’m sorry, buddy. I know this isn’t helping with the whole trust thing,” James said, oddly gentle, considering he was actually Voldemort. “You’re going to be ok, I promise.” It was so very like James, that if it wasn’t for the potion slowly killing him, he might have been comforted.

He didn’t think he would die like this. He didn’t think his killer would look like James. That would tear James up if he ever knew, and Severus hoped he never would. The burning went up his throat and a moment later everything faded to black.  

It felt as though a man with a small but effective hammer was beating the inside of Severus’ forehead repeatedly. A sliver of light made its way through his tightly shut eyes and his mouth tasted like how imagined week old seafood salad tasted.

“Sev, sweetheart,” a voice said gently. He opened his eyes to see a drawn, pale Lily staring down at him. She reached forward and raised his head up. He felt almost boneless.

“Swallow,” said Lily, pouring something into his mouth. He gagged a little on the nasty liquid, but obeyed.

“Good,” she said softly. “Go back to sleep.” Before Severus could acknowledge her, his eyes fluttered shut again, and his head landed on the pillow.

When Severus woke up three hours later it was a completely different experience. Pain radiated through his stomach and made him wake up quickly. and curl into himself. A hand rubbed a gentle circle on his back.

“Who are you?” grunted Severus.

“It’s Remus.” Severus felt his shoulders tensed and he scowled.

“Remus is dead,” bit back Severus.

“Well, that’s news to Remus,” the voice replied lightly. “You need to eat something.” The thought of food was absolutely disgusting.

“Why are you doing this?” whined Severus as Remus forced him to roll over. Severus blinked up at the hallucination. Remus sat in front of him holding a bowl of soup.

“My end game is to get you to eat something,” he continued, a touch of an ironic smile on his face. “Sit up.” It was better to just play along with whatever Voldemort wanted then to resist, so Severus reluctantly did what he was told.

“A few bites,” cajoled not-Remus. holding a spoonful of soup. Food was hard to come by, so keeping his eyes fixed on Remus skeptically, Severus consented to take a few bites. The few bites were all it took for him to start to drop off. Remus grabbed the bowl off of his lap.

“Good, get some rest now,” Remus said, pulling the blankets further up his shoulders.  After a few moments, Severus drifted back off to sleep.

A few hours later, Severus was sweating through his clothing with a fever, headache and cramping stomach. Even though he was barely awake, the first thing he had to do was throw up. A cool hand rested on the back of his neck.

“Whatever drugs he was giving you, you’re coming off of them now,” muttered James as he rubbed Severus’ back. Severus groaned and spat the last of the bile out of his mouth. He was shaking like a leaf, and James’ hand was pressing sweat-soaked shirt into his back.

“Here, this will be better,” James said, flicking his wand at Severus’ shirt and drying it completely. Severus leaned back against the pillows, and James pressed a cold washcloth against Severus’ sweaty forehead with a frown.  

James eyes were narrowed as he looked over Severus, exactly the same as when his children were sick and he was trying to figure out what to do with them: thoughtful, worried, and more than little stressed. Voldemort didn’t have the compassion, the empathy, to be able to come up with that expression.

“It is you, isn’t it?” asked Severus softly. James’ frowned dissipated, and he smiled.

“Yeah, mate,” James said, planting a hand on his shoulder. “It’s really me.” Severus blinked and looked around the room again. He was in the same bright blue room he had been in when he first came to stay with the Potters. They had put him there so he wouldn’t have to deal with stairs and so they could keep an eye on him. It was the first time in his life anyone had showed him that much consideration. Suddenly the feeling of relief turned into a boiling swirl of nausea. He turned away from James and vomited in to the bucket.

“Oh Sev,” James said in soft sympathy, patting his back and handing over a glass of water. “Drink this.”

The night went on like that: dry-heaving, sweating, and shaking. It didn’t feel much different than being in the cell with the one big exception that James tried to make him comfortable. A shooting pain went through Severus’ stomach again, and he groaned and rolled onto his side.

“Try to relax,” soothed James placing a cold hand on his forehead and frowning. “Your running a fever. I’m going to call Healer Harris again.”

“No,” Severus said, shivering. “ ’s just from being in that cell. I’m fine.” The fever must not have been very high cause James just nodded. His face was so papery and tired. He looked completely wasted.

“You should go to bed,” Severus said, shifting uncomfortably.

“I’m not going anywhere,” James said, summoning a vial from the bureau. “Here have some pain reliever.”

“How much have I taken?” groaned Severus, even though he drank it down with no complaint.

“You let me worry about that, alright?” James said gently. The pain dulled almost immediately..

He was home. Voldemort was nowhere near him. No one he loved was dead.  The relief he felt made a harsh pressure build-up behind his eyes. Severus grabbed James’ wrist tightly. The surprise on James’ face immediately turned to sympathy, and before Severus could do anything, James reached forward and hugged him.

“You’re ok,” whispered James. “I’m here. I’ve got you.”  Even though James was a hugger, this was usually the type of thing that Severus resisted, and he instinctively stiffened at the contact. James didn’t relent, just drew him in tighter and rubbed a thumb soothingly along the base of Severus’ neck. The desire to pull away was overcome by the need to be comforted and deep feeling of relief running through him. A few seconds was all Severus could handle, the moment they pulled apart, Severus quickly wiped the moisture from his cheeks, a fact James thankfully pretended not to notice.

“Here,” James said, handing Severus the glass of water. He chugged it down as quickly as he could and leaned back on the pillows, shaking suddenly from the cold.

“I know you’re uncomfortable, but try and get a little more rest, ok?” James said, pulling an extra blanket over the bed. “You’ll feel better in the morning, when it’s all out of your system.”

Eventually the nausea subsided enough that he was able to sleep. When he woke up in the pitch black room hours later he thought he was back in Voldemort’s lair, but he abruptly realized he was far to comfortable and that James was snoring on the chair beside his bed.

“James,” hissed Severus, the man grunted and continued to sleep. “Potter.” Groggily, James opened his eyes and focused on Severus.

“What is it?” he asked trying to sound awake. Everything about him down to his skewed glasses looked awful and tired.

“Go to bed,” Severus ordered. James closed his eyes and shuffled back down in the chair.

“S’ok don’t worry ‘bout me,” muttered James.. He rested his head on the arm of his chair and Severus could tell he was just about to fall back into sleep.

“If you’re going to stay here, you should at least transfigure that chair into a cot,” muttered Severus, rolling over. James’ back wasn’t as young as it once was.

“I’ll break it. This stupid wand,” Severus turned around to see James holding a long, pale wand, different from his typical mahogany. Severus frowned.

“But you killed Voldemort,” Severus said, he had learned as much from snatches of conversation he had heard.

“I know, right!” James said with a gleeful smile.

“You didn’t have a wand?” Severus continued.

“He broke mine, bastard,” James grumbled. “I’m using my Dad’s, Aspen, Dragon-heartsting, 13 inches, firm as friggin’ rod of steel. It feels like I have my thumb over a powerhouse. I’ve broken three plates, and don’t even get me started on trying to cook with this thing. No wonder he never did any housework.”

“You killed Voldemort with no wand,” Severus said dryly.

“Yes, well, for all his delusions of grandeur, he can still get stabbed with the broken leg of a chair just like anyone,” James said, still looking at the wand with distaste.  Severus blinked incredulously at the man. James must have felt Severus looking at him, because he looked away from his father’s wand with a smile.

“Trust me, the moment you are well, you won’t be able to shut me up about how awesome I am, but right now you just need to focus on getting some rest, alright?” James said kindly.

“You should have called back up. You should have left,” Severus said a little angrily.

“He had you,” James scoffed, almost offended at the idea. “I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“It’s a miracle you didn’t die coming after me. Are you that arrogant? That stupid?”  Severus spat out harshly. Surprisingly, James laughed.

“I suppose I just care about you that much,” James said, curling back into his chair “Now get some sleep. If you have any further need of my arrogance or stupidity, I’ll be right here.” Severus glared at the ceiling, and after a few moments James soft snoring filled the room.

With an angry flick of his wand, Severus shot a blanket across the room to rest on top of James, then turned around to glare at the opposite wall. It had been completely reckless of James to go after him, even more reckless for him not to have retreated. On principle Severus couldn’t condone that level of stupidity, but as he drifted off to sleep, he couldn’t help but feel incredibly touched that that stupidity was directed towards him.

The next morning, Severus was able to eat the eggs and bacon Lily had managed to not screw up, and Remus decided Severus wasn’t going to die and reluctantly returned to America. Unfortunately, Severus was still only able to stay awake for small chunks of time and was almost falling asleep playing chess with Lily.

“Just move already,” said Severus testily as her hand hovered over her rook.

“I’m thinking,” she snapped back, retracting her hand. Severus rolled his eyes, playing chess with her was like watching grass grow, and she always won. Mercifully, at that moment James poked his head into the door.

 “Sev, I know you aren’t feeling well, but there are some people out there who want to see you. Are you up for it?” He was sick and shaky and probably smelled gross. A large part of him was a little scared of traumatizing the kids, but the larger part, the part that thought nothing would be as comforting as the feel of little pudgy arms around his neck, made him nod. James smiled and opened the door.

“Uncle Sev! Uncle Sev!” Harry yelled excitedly as he raced towards the bed. Without hesitation he clamoured up on top of the covers. Amelia followed hesitantly, her wide eyes taking in the sick-bed and containers of potions. Before Severus could reassure her, Harry threw his arms around Severus’ neck with surprising strength.

“Harry, give him some space,” James said, moving to pull the boy off with the arm that wasn’t holding Sirius. But seeing those kids, feeling their warm, solid, alive weight, made him feel better than anything had and he shook his head at James.

“Oh loveys, I’ve missed you so much,” said Severus, hugging and kissing the children as hard as he could. “How have you been?”  

James, lowered Sirius into Severus’ arms. The baby smiled at him and giggled and Severus pulled a funny face for the baby getting giggles from Amelia.

“Good, but Uncle Sev, Mom says everyone dies like Uncle Sirius and Grandma and Grandpa? Are you going die?” Harry whispered. Severus snapped his head up from the baby to look into Harry’s grave green eyes.  This was precisely why it was not a good idea for the kids to see him like this.

“We have just learned about the concept of death,” James said apologetically. “It has made for some truly delightful conversations.”

“I’m going to be just fine,” Severus said, cupping Harry’s little cheek. “I’m not going anywhere for a very long time.” The worry dissipated from Harry’s face and he reached up and kissed Severus on the cheek.

“That’s good, but Uncle Sev, Daddy doesn’t read Where the Wild Things Are like you,” Amelia said lying on his chest. “He doesn’t do the voices.”

“I do to do the voices,” James protested with a laugh, picking Sirius back up.

“I’ll read it to you,” offered Severus, kissing the little girl on the forehead.

“Maybe later,” James said gently, pulling Amelia off. “Come on, this was just to say hi, Uncle Severus needs some rest.” Both kids protested but James cut them off.

“Out, out, come on. It’s nearly dinner” James said over their whines.

“There’s someone else here,” James said as soon as Harry and Amelia left. Severus looked up in confusion and turned towards the doorway. Molly and Arthur had come by earlier. The only other people he could think of who would visit him would be Minerva or maybe someone else in the Order.

“She’s been asking about you ever since we brought you home,” James said softly, just as Pauline stepped into the doorway. Her face was pale and her features were drawn. She was wearing a sweatshirt Severus recognized as Lily’s. The sight made Severus’ heart jump to his throat. James patted Severus on the shoulder and walked out the room with a smile at Pauline.

“Hi,” Pauline whispered, the moment the door closed behind her. He was too surprised to say anything in response, and she took a few more tentative steps into the room.

“I wanted to see if you were alright,” she said, twisting her hands together. “I was so worried.” He continued to blink stupidly at her, and a faint blush started to crawl up her cheeks.

“Next time though, don’t come after me. I couldn’t stand the thought of you going through this again,” she said, with a weak smile.

“I’m sorry, you probably don’t want to see me. I just wanted you to know that…” she trailed off and sniffed back her tears, then forced a bright smile. “I am so glad you are ok.” With another forced smile, she turned to the doorway.

“I’ll always come after you,” rasped Severus, just as she reached for the doorknob. She dropped her hand down from the doorknob and turned back to him with tear-filled eyes. She walked over to the bed and they both studied each other uncertainly for a moment.

“I’m so sorry,” she said shaking her head despondently. He shook his head and blinked up at her.

“No. Don’t cry…” Severus said shuffling to sit up. The action caused one of his muscles to squeal in agony and he collapsed back on the pillow with a little gasp.

“Oh Sev, I’m sorry. Stay still. Do you need me to get a pain reliever?” she asked hurriedly sitting on the bed beside him. Her former reticence was gone and she was looking at him with a naked look of panicked concern.  He recognized the expression on her face. It was the same expression Lily had years ago when she had seen James after he had almost been burned alive at Malfoy Manor. That expression was love.

“It’s not so bad,” he whispered with a crooked smile.

“You were always too tough for your own damn good,” she said, reaching out like she was going to brush the bangs off of his forehead, before dropping her hand.

“I have to confess something,” she said with a quirk of her lips. Severus raised an eyebrow in response.

“When Sirius was born, you asked me how I was. I said I was doing well,” she said. “I may have lied just a tiny bit.” Severus’ lips quirked.

“I may have been miserable,” she continued. Severus felt himself smile.

“That’s funny, I might have been miserable too,” he said.

“Perhaps, and I’m just throwing this out there, we’d be slightly less miserable together,” she said, making his heart leap. He swallowed down the chalky taste of anxiety in his mouth and smiled.

“That definitely sounds like it could be possible,” he said, not daring to do more than whisper.  He shuffled over and patted the bed. She looked at him for a moment, then gave him a watery smile. Then, as though no time had passed she curled up beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I’m not hurting you, am I?” she asked. The idea that she was hurting him was absurd, nothing felt as good as her lying on his shoulder. Instinctively, as though nothing had ever changed between them, he started to play with the ends of her ponytail. Her cool hand drifted under his shirt and rested on his sternum. The drugs, injuries and emotion were beginning to make him exhausted and without him thinking about it, his eyes began to slowly drift shut.

“I should have told you everything,” he continued running a hand over his face tiredly. There was no time like the present. “I was sixteen and it seemed-”

“Sh,” Pauline said, more gently than she usually spoke. “It’s ok…”

“No,” muttered Severus. “You should know everything. You should know…” She leaned down and planted a soft kiss on his forehead. His heart flipped over in his chest.

“I know, and you can tell me everything later,” she whispered. “Right now you just need to rest, ok?” Severus opened his mouth to protest, but she shushed him again.

“Just close your eyes,” she whispered again gently. “You can tell me anything you want in the morning. I’ll be here.”  He peeled his eyes open to look at her. She was look at him again with that same expression of soft concern, the one he’d always equate with love.

“I love you,” he said, barely audibly. He hadn’t meant to say it, and for a moment he was sure her face was going to freeze in horror. Especially after Azkaban, it seemed insane that she loved him. Before he could truly regret it, she pressed her lips gently into his.

“I love you too,’ she said as she pulled away, pulling the blankets up further over the both of them and leaving him breathless.

“Sleep,” she said again, nuzzling her head against his shoulder to find a comfortable spot, the same way she used to when they slept together and her hand slipped back under his shirt to rest on top of his heart. He closed his eyes and let his head droop down on top of hers. Moments later, he was sleeping more deeply and peacefully than he had in weeks.

Despite a few muted objections from Lily and James, Severus left the Potter Estate for Hogwarts as soon as he had gotten a semi-firm grip on reality. His students were all adorably concerned for him, they had even made him a card and gotten him a large supply of his favourite Liquorice Bites. The staff all offered to help him with his classes, and poor Minerva had taken over caring for the Slytherins as well as the Gryffindors. With all of this, during the days he quickly found a sort of comfort in the routine of teaching classes, and managing his students.

To make things even better, Pauline was now dating him again, and it was like the beginnings of love all over again, which meant they were basically in a cycle of sex, long conversations and eating the new goodies she was always coming up with in his kitchen. Falling asleep with her for a couple hours was easy. She slide up next to him, put her perpetually cold hand on his chest, and this incredible feeling of safety and security came over him that he had never felt before, and he’d fall asleep immediately.

Unfortunately, the late nights did not work particularly well for Pauline, who had to get up to work at the bakery at the crack of dawn almost every morning. Which meant that she couldn't spend every night being his security blanket, and alone, away from the routine of the day and Pauline, he couldn’t sleep.

Every sound made him jerk upright in bed, then he’d lie there, his heart thumping in his chest. Pauline had been away for days, and he watched the sun rise without sleeping for the third time. But he had to get up and go to the Potter’s. With a sigh, he rubbed his eyes and got dressed.

“Potter Estate,” he muttered, getting thrown through the floo. If he didn’t show up for Sirius’ birthday, James would call in the entire Auror service to come looking for him, not that he was actually considering missing the day.

“Uncle Sev! Uncle Sev!” yelled Harry the moment Severus stepped out of the fireplace. No matter what, seeing Harry run to him with that big, goofy smile on his face always soothed Severus’ frayed nerves.

“Hey monkey,” Severus said, sweeping the boy up in his arms. A bunch of one-year olds, including Sirius, were crawling around on the mat with Remus, while the parents chatted. One year old birthdays were the oddest thing Severus had ever seen. The baby clearly didn’t know what was happening, and preferred the box to the gift inside the box, but he adored the attention and laughed and giggled. As he did so, the unsettled feeling in Severus’ gut seemed to drift away.

“Sev, sweetheart, could you grab the veggie platter from the kitchen. I don’t want these kids to just have sugar to eat,” Lily asked conjuring a large pile of paper plates with her wand. “ He nodded and slid Amelia off of his lap. Just as he stood up Lily touched his hand and look at him intently.

“Are you ok?” she asked softly. He nodded and forced a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Just tired.” Lily gave him a knowing smirk.

“Ah yes, the early stages of lovesickness. There’s coffee in the kitchen if you want some,” she said, giving his hand a fond squeeze.

Severus practically slept-walked to the kitchen and summoned the large plate of carrots and broccoli that was hiding behind the fantastic, sugared cake Pauline had made. With a sigh, he summoned a mug that declared him World’s #1 Dad, and poured himself a cup. He moved to slice a piece of carrot cake from the platter.

A child shrieked from the living room, and Severus started, slicing the knife through his finger instead of the cake. Blood spurted everywhere, and Severus jolted at the pain. Everything suddenly hurt. Someone screamed again. His knees gave out and he crashed on the cold cement floor. He had been so stupid to think he’d ever be safe. That James could have killed that monster without a wand.

He could feel someone coming towards him, and he pushed himself back into the corner. He knew without a doubt it was Voldemort coming to finish him off. Pain burst through his chest. He was going to die. It seemed like someone might by talking to him, but the ringing in his ears prevented him from fully hearing.

A hand handed on his should and he flinched. He didn’t care if he died, but he couldn’t be hurt anymore. He just had to stop the pain.

“Sev?” whispered James’ voice, but James would never hurt him. It wasn’t real. His breath came in short panicked spurts. Was the entire thing a lie? Had he been with the Voldemort version of James the entire time?

“Sev, no one’s hurting you. You’re safe.” he said. “Can you open your eyes and look around?” Severus squeezed his eyes shut, not trusting it. He didn’t want to see James’ face on Voldemort again. The hand that was on his shoulders moved to the back of his neck. Severus’ eyes snapped open to focus on James who was peering down at him with heavy concern. When Severus made eye contact, he forced a smile.

“Take a deep breath, now. It’s ok,” fake-James said softly as he pulled Severus closer. Shakily, Severus obeyed. There was the familiar smell of laundry and cologne as Severus nose landed on James’ shoulder.

“That’s it, and another,” instructed James.  He didn’t realize how little oxygen he had until he breathed. The more his breathing slowed, the more he realized what had happened: he was at Sirius’ birthday party, having a panic attack over an injured hand Then, with horror, he realized he was resting his head on James’ shoulder and that the man was holding him like a child.  Still disoriented, he immediately pulled back.

“Let me see your hand, Sev,” James said, picking up the bloody hand from the tile. He hissed in sympathy. For some reason the sight made Severus’ stomach roll, and he looked away and closed his eyes with a groan.

“It’s alright,” soothed James, taping the sliced up finger with his wand. “That’s alright, it looks worse then it is, see?” Severus looked down to the finger that James was now wrapping in gauze. With a flick of his wand James summoned a small vial of pain reliever and held out to Severus. Reluctantly, he drunk it down.

“Do you know where you are?” James’ voice asked calmly, cutting through the fog that had wrapped around his mind as his hand wrapped around Severus’ wrist.

“Uhm - I - ” Severus swallowed and looked around. He was sitting against a brightly painted cupboard, on familiar tile, in a kitchen that smelled like gingersnaps.

“Home,” he whispered, before he could think better of it.

“That’s right,” said James, kindly. Severus looked around him, he was surrounded by the broken pieces of James’ mug.

“I broke the mug,” Severus whispered stupidly, reaching to broken pieces of ceramic with the hand that James wasn’t restraining.

“That’s alright,” James soothed, in a tone that was more suited to his children than to Severus, and he gently took Severus’ other wrist to prevent him from reaching for the broken dish. Awareness came back to him more forcefully, and with it came a rush of embarrassment.

“I’m fine, Potter,” grumbled Severus, moving to stand. James jumped up as well, his arms hovering to catch him if he fell.

“Sev, maybe you should sit for a moment,” said James, touching his elbow. “Let me make you some tea, ok?” Severus’ heart was still beating a million miles a moment, and the moment the words came out of James’ mouth, the fear and horror turned to anger.

“I said I’m fine, stop hovering!” snapped Severus. He pushed James’ arm away with an exceptional amount of force and stormed off.

He avoided James after that, which was easier said then done, considering the man continually tried to call him, and even blackmailed him by sending pictures the children made for him. Lily even tried to contact him multiple times, which meant that James had told her what was going on. Severus knew that the only reason the Potters weren’t bursting through his doors was because he couldn’t avoid them forever.

Pauline was trying to save up to open her own bakery and had entered into the annual Hogsmeade baking competition. He couldn’t very well not show up, and the Potters had given the children to the Weasleys so they could come in a show of support.

The Leaky Cauldron had been magically expanded to contain over 100 bakers and their wares. He sat, slumped in the chair as Pauline fussed over her table which contained a vast chocolate cake, pumpkin cheesecake, and enough cupcakes of various colours and flavours to send anyone into diabetic coma.

“Do you think I should use a preservative spell?” she asked anxiously. “I mean they’re best when they’re all moist, but I find it gives it a bit of an after-taste.”

“Yeah,” he muttered half-heartedly in response. He knew how important this contest was for Pauline, the 10,000 Galleon prize would be enough for her to start her own bakery, and he really did care about whether or not she used the preservative spells. Unfortunately, last night had not been one of the nights where he was able to grab one or two hours of sleep, neither was the night before. The nightmares now played in his head whenever he let his mind wander and he could barely walk around let alone deal with conversation.

“Honey? Are you alright?” she asked softly, appearing in front of him all the sudden. Her eyes were crinkled in gentle concern and she had a spot of pink frosting on her nose.

“Just tired. You’re going to be wonderful, I’ve never had cake as good as yours,” he said pulling her on to his lap by the back of her knees.

“You’re just saying that,” she said, even as she blushed a little with pride. He reached up and kissed the bit of frosting of the tip of her nose.

“I’m most certainly am not,” he said. It was true. He never had much of a sweet-tooth but he could never resist her baking.

“Do you get extra points for PDA?” said James from where he was standing in front of the booth with Lily. Pauline whipped around so fast that her hair smacked Severus in the face. James reached for one of the cupcakes on the display.

“NO!” yelped Pauline, at the same time Lily smacked his hand away.

“The strawberry ones are my favourite,” whined James, practically salivating at the sight of all the treats. They had chosen to leave the children at home so they wouldn’t become unbearable machines of sugar, it seemed like leaving James at home might have been a wise decision as well.

“Oh go on then. Just one, and take the one from the back that looks a little sad,” Pauline said. James obeyed and stuffed it gratefully into his mouth.

“Mmmm,” he said, with his mouth full. “If you don’t win, Lily will sue someone for you.” Lily smirked a little at that.

“You’re going to do great, Paul, really,” she said, leaning over to squeeze Pauline’s hand. Pauline smiled nervously and squeezed Lily’s hand back tightly.

“Attention everyone I am Dedalus Periwinkle, one of the judges here today. Each of you were given three slips of parchment on the way in. Your job as guests is to try as many cakes and pastries as possible. On your way out, you will write your top three bakers on the parchment and place it in here,” said Dedalus, a portly man with a handle-bar moustache. He tapped an old looking stove with his wand and it started to roar with flames. Severus started involuntarily at the sight.

“Contestants are reminded that only one baker is allowed behind the stand at all times, and to have a good time. Let the eating begin!” Severus pulled himself out of his chair from behind Pauline’s chair and kissed her quickly on the forehead.

“You’re going be wonderful,” he whispered, getting a nervous smile in response. James and Lily hugged her and wished her well and pulled away from the booth, allowing it to be swarmed by hungry witches and wizards.  

“Oh treacle tarts. I’m going to grab one for Harry,” said Lily immediately getting lost in the crowds and leaving Severus alone with James.

“How have you been?” James asked after a moment.

“Fine,” Severus said turning around.

“You haven’t returned any of my calls, or owls.” James said softly when he was close enough to talk in a low tone.

“We’re not dating, Potter,” Severus muttered sourly in response. “I am not obligated to keep you updated on the goings on in my life.” Instead of stiffening the sharp words, there was a softness to James’ expression that looked an awful lot like pity.

“I’m just worried about you. I don’t like the thought of you having an attack like that all alone,” said James, touching Severus’ arm in an attempt to keep him from moving through the crowd.

For some reason, Severus remembered that day on the grounds after he called Lily a Mudblood and James had taken off his trousers. Not the attack itself, he had long reconciled Hogwarts-James and this James, but the walk back up to the castle afterwords. The dreadful loneliness that had set in then and hadn’t lifted until after Voldemort’s death. It washed over him again now.

“I have been taking care of myself since I was a child. I certainly don’t need you to fix everything for me,” snapped Severus, feeling a mad desire to shove James. There was a flicker or fear and surprise on James’ face, as though he too had seen the consideration of violence, and he nodded tightly. With a savage feeling of satisfaction, Severus shoved through the crowd, leaving James in his wake.

For a while, it was fine. He checked on Pauline’s booth, which already had a large line-up, and went in search of the candy-makers to find some liquorice, but the crowd was just getting thicker and thicker.

It was like they were purposefully trying to converge on him. As person after person knocked into him with Voldemort’s face, Severus felt his tenuous hold on his sanity slip and all he wanted was to go home. He didn’t even care about the baking contest anymore. He’d find a way to force Pauline to take his money for the bakery if he could just leave.

He tried to apparate, but between his ragged breathing and the building panic, he couldn’t focus his magic enough to summon a teacup, let alone fly through the air. The tiny bit of his mind that was clinging to rationality knew that he was fine, he was at baking competition having a nice time, and Pauline was there and everything was fine. Unfortunately, this tiny part was being rapidly taken over by blind, irrational panic. He had to leave. No matter what he had to leave. A hand landed on his shoulder.

“Sev?” James said softly.

“I can’t - I -” Severus trailed off, his breaths coming in short, panicked bursts as he tried to find the words. James gave him a cursory glance, then nodded in understanding.

“Alright, that’s alright. Come with me. I’ve got you,” said James calmly, placing a hand on Severus’ back to lead him through the crowds. For once, Severus was more than happy to give over control, and didn’t offer a word of protest as James hustled him through the crowd to a small utility closet.

The cupboard was damp and smelled like mildew, and Severus saw Voldemort’s lair every time he closed his eyes. Someone touched his shoulder and he flinched violently.

“It’s me, Sev,” James said. “Open your eyes and look at me, ok?” Severus did what he was told and found himself sitting on an overturned rubbish bin, James crouched in front of him with a look of concern.

“Do you know where you are?” James’ asked, taking Severus’ wrist to check his pulse.

“Bake show,” he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut in embarrassment. When he did so, a roll of nausea passed through him, and for some reason he smelled his own burning flesh. “I smelled…”

“It wasn’t real,’ James soothed. “You’re alright.” The words had just started to calm him slightly, when suddenly the door swung open. Severus started so badly he nearly fell off the garbage can.

“It’s alright, it’s just Lily,” said James hurriedly.

“Pauline is - Sev -What the hell is going on?” Lily asked her voice shifting from anger to concern. James whispered the afternoons events to Lily, but Severus wasn’t listening. There was a bigger concern on his mind. Polly - Polly couldn’t see him like this. He’d ruin this huge, important day for her.

“Sev, sweetheart” whispered Lily softly, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

“She can’t know,” Severus said suddenly. Her big green eyes stood out like a radium dial in the closet, they creased in sympathy and she nodded.

“Alright. Don’t you worry about that,” she said gently. She exchanged a few more words that Severus couldn’t quite follow with James and left the cupboard.

“As soon as you calm down enough to apparate, I’ll take you home, ok?” James said, taking Severus’ wrist again. “Just take deep breaths. You’re safe, alright? I promise I won’t let anything bad happen.”

“You won’t go?” Severus asked before he realized how childish the words were.

“No, buddy. I’m right here with you,” James promised, taking Severus’ other wrist as though he was trying to prove the point.

“ ‘m sorry, for being a jerk,” muttered Severus. He had dodged the man and blown off his concerns for days and now the poor guy was stuck sitting in a smelly cupboard with him.

“You’ve had a rough few days it seems,” said James gently. “I’m just worried about you, mate.”

“’It’s stupid,” Severus said, the calm awareness was able to take over his brain and he could almost filter what he said.

“Hey - hey it’s not stupid, alright? You were tortured, drugged. It’s normal to need some time to get over that. Anyone would,” James said firmly squeezing Severus’ shoulder.

Severus just shook his head negatively, but as he did so his shoulders started shaking. With a sigh, James rested his hand softly between his shoulder blades.

“Everything’s going to be ok,” James whispered, not removing his hand. They sat in silence for a long few moments.

“I just wanna go home,” Severus whispered finally.

“Alright, hold my arm,” James said. Severus was about to protest at the indignity of having to apparate with assistance, but he found he didn’t have the energy. He grabbed James’ arms tightly, and they sailed through a tight hole in the air. When they hit the ground in the middle of the Potter’s living room, the force of apparation plus Severus’ general shakiness made him stumble badly, but James’ arm held him up firmly and steered him to a chair.

“When was the last time you actually slept?” James asked in that same kind, concerned voice that grated on Severus’ nerves so mercilessly. Without bothering to reply, Severus scoffed and dropped his head to his hands.

In a few minutes, James was pressing a hot cup of tea into Severus’ hand. Mindlessly, Severus sipped at it.

“Sev, if you want, you can talk to me about it,” James said]. For the first time that night, Severus’ black eyes met James’ concerned hazel ones. “Or we don’t have to talk about it, we could just sit and talk about something else. I just - I feel like you  think I’m going to think less of you or something because of this. And that’s just not true, you’ve been through hell. No one expects you to be ok, or to deal with this alone. You’re not alone.”

“I’m not some broken down pathetic thing,” Severus said, the embarrassment beginning to turn into anger.

“We’re all a little broken,” James seriously. “There is no shame in that, Sev. Let us help you get through this”

Severus didn’t have that thing that James did. That confidence built from years of loving parents and good friends had made him so secure that he never took emotion as weakness.

Severus had seen the man cry openly over a book without the slightest hint of embarrassment, and whenever Harry, who was just getting old enough to care about his tears, was upset, James always assured the little boy that there was no weakness in tears.

Severus was the opposite. He still remembered his father smacking him across the face, sending blood everywhere after seeing him cry. He learned early that revealing emotion was simply showing someone a way to hurt him.

“Sev, are you alright?” James said gently, after a few moments. The hot tea had cut through the remaining fear from the attack and anger at James, now he just felt deeply tired and weary.

“I can’t sleep,” he grumbled, finally. This all felt like an oppressive weight on his chest. “Even with Dreamless Sleep. Every time I close my eyes…” He trailed off.

“You’re safe,” said James. “And you can stay here for as long as you want. You know that right?” Severus started a little at that. He hadn’t even realize that when he said he wanted to go home, James took him back to the Potter Estate instead of Hogwarts. Severus’ face flushed red.

“That’s completely unnecessary, Potter,” he muttered.

“Yeah, I know,” James said with a little smirk. “But you should stay anyways.”

“You look done in, Sev,” James said before Severus could protest, waving his wand to summon a potion.  “Here’s some Dreamless Sleep. Go take it and get some sleep. I’m going to get the kids, pick up some dinner, when I come back, we’ll figure something out, alright?” said James, with that same odd tenderness in his voice that made Severus feel somehow both ten times better and worse at the same time.

“I -”

“Sev, go to bed,” James said firmly. Severus scowled at James, but James just smiled back and jerked his head towards the guest bedroom door. There was no arguing with the man, finally he nodded.

Two hours later, Severus had showered, changed into sweatpants and was lying on top of the covers desperately trying to fall asleep when there was a gentle knock at the door.

“Come in,” he muttered. The moment he said it, the door sprang open and Harry and Amelia bolted to the bed.

“Uncle Sev!” they exclaimed in unison. Faintly, Severus smiled and hugged them each in turn. Avoiding James meant avoiding them, and it was good to see their happy, chubby faces.

“Are you sick?” asked Harry. Before Severus could reply, he pressed his hand to Severus’ forehead with an extremely serious expression that mirrored James’ perfectly.

“I’m fine, monkey,” Severus said softly. Harry pursued his lips in disapproval.

“You look tired,” Harry said softly, pushing the hair off Severus’ forehead like a worried parent. “Are you tired?”

“A little, but I’ll be ok,” Severus said, cupping the boy’s small cheek. “Did you have fun at the Weasley’s?” he asked. Harry nodded and proceeded to cuddle up on Severus’ shoulder.

“Uncle Sev, can you read me a story?” Amelia asked, curling up on Severus’ other side. Severus yawned and summoned a book with a flick of his wand. Just as he was about to open the book, the door swung open to reveal James standing with a large bowl of chilli.

“Hey! What did I say?” James said, looking genuinely angry.

“To leave Uncle Severus alone,” muttered Harry.

“Exactly, out, now,” James said sternly, throwing an apologetic look to Severus.

“But Daddy - but Daddy, I wanna story!” said Amelia.

“No -”

“It’s alright, Potter,” Severus said, just as the other man opened his mouth to explode at the children. James pursed his lips for a moment then levitated the chilli over to Severus’ lap.

“Alright, compromise, you let Uncle Sev eat, and I’ll read you the story, ok?” The kids nodded, and Severus happily started to munch on his overly-large bowl of chilli.

The story was some silly thing about a duck and a river. The kids had settled themselves comfortably at his side with their thumbs in their mouth.

He was still groggy from the dose of Dreamless Sleep he had earlier, and after a few moments, they were snoring and he was fighting to keep his eyes open. He didn’t even realize James had stopped read until he felt him slide the tray of chilli off his lap. He blinked his eyes open. Harry’s mop of hair was tucked under Severus’ chin and Amelia was snoring with her hand clutching his shirt.

“Sorry,” James whispered, sending the tray away with a flick of his wrist.

“S’okay,” muttered Severus. James reached down to pick up Harry, but Severus found himself unwilling to let the little warm weight on his chest go. James didn’t pull the boy away again.

“I wish you’d have told me things were this bad,” whispered James. Severus blinked awake and looked at James’ heavy serious face.

“Yeah? What’d you’ve done?” slurred Severus. James shrugged and smiled.

“I don’t know. I’d have made you feel better. I do it all the time,” he said with a smirk. Severus rolled his eyes, unable to stop himself from chuckling.

“Sleep well,” James said, pulling the blanket up over Harry’s shoulders and pushing Amelia’s hair behind her ear.  Severus was warm from the chilli, comfortable under the thick blankets and felt more secure than he would ever admit under the Potters' roof. Before the door closed behind James, Severus had already drifted off to sleep.

XxxxXXXxxxxXX

Severus hated being late. He was one of those men that believed that you should be five minutes early for everything, including grabbing a beer at the Leaky Cauldron, so running ten minutes behind to see his Godson off for his first day of school made him extremely anxious.

“Potter!” Severus said running through the crowds of parents to where James stood with Harry, Amelia and Sirius. Harry was wearing a neat little school uniform with a blue sweater, blue and grey stripped tie and grey pants. He looked like a little tax accountant. Severus couldn’t help but laugh as the boy ran towards him.

“Look at you, monkey,” said Severus, opening his arms just as Harry jumped at him.

“I’m going to school!” Harry said excitedly. With a smile, Severus boosted the child further up his hip and walked over to James and the other children.

“Are you excited?” asked Severus a little unnecessarily. Harry nodded vigorously, looking as wired as he did the time he and Amelia ate a dozen of Pauline’s cupcakes.  With an approving smile, Severus pressed a kiss to the mop of errant hair.

“Morning Sev,” James said with a smile, clapping him on the back.

“Sorry I’m late,” Severus replied as they walked into the classroom.

“Uncle Sev,” Amelia said blinking her big eyes at him. “Are you the smartest man in the world?” James rolled his eyes, and Severus grinned inwardly, suddenly remembering why he loved these grubby little children so much.

“Why do you ask?”

“Cause you’re a teacher,” Amelia said reasonably. “You gotta know everything if you’re a teacher cause you gotta teach people stuff.”

“I know a lot about a little,” he explained, taking her hand and walking towards Harry’s classroom.

The school was just for Wizarding children, and a feet away Molly Weasley was fussing over Ron, who too was a neat, new uniform.  

“Millie stay close,” James yelled as she ran over to where Ginny was standing beside Ron and his mother. Behind them, Narcissa Malfoy was kissing her pale son, the carbon copy of his father, goodbye. Severus met her eyes and a deep coldness went through him, and he instinctively held Harry a little tighter.

“Daddy! Look at all the toys,” Harry said squirming out of Severus’ arms. James allowed himself to be pulled to the nearest, bright table. Severus and James sat beside him and watched while the boy giggled and played with the magical toys. James flicked his wand at a dragon that flew around Harry’s head. Sirius reached up for it with his pudgy arms and giggled. With another wave of James’ wand the dragon disappeared.

“Ok pet, Uncle Sev and I are going to go now, alright?” James said, smoothing the back of Harry’s hair. Both Severus and James watched Harry tightly for the first sign of upset, but he just happily started scribbling on his drawing paper.

“Ok, Daddy,” he said brightly, not even looking up. James looked at Severus, a little startled, then back down at his son.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You have everything you need?” James asked. Harry just nodded again.

“And Mommy will be here to pick you up,” James said in a soothing tone.

“Mhmm, Daddy, can I go play with Ernie, now?” Harry asked pointing to where the chubby McMillan boy was stacking blocks in the corner.

“Sure, of course. Go have fun,” James said. “I love you, monkey.”

“Love you too Dad. Love you, baby” Harry said pulling at Sirius’ hand with a little laugh, Sirius giggled and smiled a gummy smile up at Harry. Harry hugged James fleetingly, than hugged Severus. There was an odd sort of nostalgia as he took the small boy in his arms. It seemed that he was far too young to be left with strangers.

“You be good,” Severus whispered. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Harry said pulling back. He looked at them both, then smiled sweetly.

“Don’t worry, Daddy. I’ll be home soon,” he said, giving James another kiss on the cheek. This made James laugh and he nodded the boy in the direction of Ernie.

“Thanks, lovey, I’ll be fine. Go play,” he said. With a final broad smile and a wave, Harry skipped off to the corner without a backwards glance.  Severus and James sat and watched Harry with identical gapping expressions. It wasn’t supposed to be this easy.

“Ready, Potter?” Severus said after a few moments. James nodded, a little bemused and boosted Sirius further up on his hip

“Yeah, alright, let’s get Millie,” he muttered. Molly was still in the back of the classroom, talking to Ron who was having a much more difficult time with the separation than Harry had.

“Really dear, it’ll be nice. Don’t you want to go play with Harry?” Molly cajoled. This was the sixth time she had seen her children off to school, and she gave James and Severus and unfussed smile as they approached.

“Don’t want you to go,” said Ron stubbornly, sticking by his mother’s side and winding a hand into her robes. Molly patted his hair gently.

“Hey Ron,” said James kneeling in front of the boy. “I was hoping you could do me a favour.” The boy sniffed but unstuck his forehead from his Mom’s robes.

“Well, Harry doesn’t have any big brothers like you do, and I was kind of hoping you’d keep an eye on him for me and make sure that he’s doing ok?” Ron rubbed his eyes and blinked back at James warily. After a moment, Ron nodded his assent, and let go of Molly’s robe. Molly smiled at him and gently pushed him further into the classroom beside Harry.

“Daddy can I go play with Ginny?” Amelia asked. James blinked, taken aback for a moment because Amelia never asked to go anywhere but home or the library, then nodded.

“Sure, pet, if it’s alright with Mrs. Weasley,” James said.

“We’d be delighted. Well come along then, let’s make sure Fred and George haven’t swapped identities again,” said Molly taking both girls’ hands and leading them away. It was just James, Severus and the baby, and James looked more than a little lost.

“Come on, Potter, time to go,” Severus said clapping him on the shoulder.

“Just a moment,” James said pulling Severus by the arm into the cloak room. Between the slats of the cubbies, they could see the new kindergarteners at work. Ron and Harry were sharing crayons and giggle. There was no hint of the redhead’s earlier worry.

“Are you serious?” hissed Severus.

“I just want to make sure he’s ok,” James said peering with one eye through the opening. “He might not really get that I’ve gone.”

Severus refrained from mentioning how bad two men spying on a bunch of little children looked, and huffed.  Minutes passed, and Harry continued to play contentedly and soon, only the parents of the most shy and distraught children remained.

“I’m going,” Severus said finally. James nodded a little morosely, his eyes still on Harry.  Severus sighed, he couldn’t just leave the man standing in a cloakroom like this.

“You can’t tell me you honestly hoped he’d throw a tantrum,” said Severus.

“Maybe just a few tears,” James muttered.

“Potter, he’s not upset, because he knows you’ll be there when he needs you. This is a good thing,” Severus said, gentling his tone slightly. James sighed and conceded the point with a nod of his head.

“Polly needs help at the bakery, now are you going to stay in the cloakroom like a creep, or are you going to come help?” asked Severus. James threw one more furtive look in Harry’s direction, then nodded.

They apparated to Pauline’s little stone bakery to find her bursting out parts of the wall in anger. The wall shattered near them as they entered, and James immediately turned the stroller to protect Sirius, and ran over Severus’ foot.

“Oh I’m sorry!” Pauline said as Severus glared at James. “How was Harry’s first day of school?”

“He was fine. What the hell is going on in here?” James asked marvelling at the disaster of a space.

“Apparently, there is a problem with the plumbing!” she said, throwing another curse at the wall. “And I’m trying to fix it.”

Pauline had used the money she had won in the baking competition to start a bakery, she had found the perfect, charming stone shop. It was right off of Diagon Alley, and had been Wizard Owned since 1101 when Claudious Wright had set up a blacksmith shop. Unfortunately, the character came with a price.

The previous owners - a high-end apothecary - had sold because the building was on its last legs, falling down and in need of a complete remodel. Pauline had been so wowed by the hundred year old walls stone and creaky wooden floors, that she had happily taken on the challenge. She had bitten off more than she could chew. The industrial sized oven she needed could barely fit, the floor was rotting and needed to be pulled up and the place needed new paint, new windows, not to mention a counter top and seating. Even with magic it was taking forever.

“Well here, let me help,” offered James, giving the baby and the stroller to Severus. The plumbing problem turned out to be minor, and was fixed as soon as Pauline found the damaged pipe, but James seemed to be actually interested in the bakery. He helped debate oven sizes, worked out cost-benefit analysis on hiring numbers. and asked a lot of questions about the bakery that Polly only had vague answers to. Severus got to play with the baby, which was a lot more fun, and he was currently making snakes appear from his wand for Sirius to crawl after.

“How do you know all this stuff?” Pauline asked.

“My Dad mostly,” said James. “Look you’re doing great. It isn’t easy.”

“I just wanted to bake, and sell what I baked,” Pauline said, running a hand through her long hair.  “The rest of this stuff, I’m not sure if it’s me. When I got my first pay-check at eighteen, I spent it all on clothes and didn’t have money to pay my rent.”

“It’s just a matter of organization, and planning,” offered James. “You’ll be fine. You have a great product.” Pauline looked at James thoughtfully for a long moment.

Severus levitated one of the snakes in the air and Sirius giggled and reached up for it on his knees. Then without warning. he stood up and took his first hesitant step.

“JAMES,” Severus yelped in excitement. James turned around from the table to see Sirius shakily standing on his two feet. One hand was in his mouth like he was blinking around as if confused by what the big deal was, and James and Pauling were already clamouring to their feet.

“Come on,” Severus said extending his arms to the baby. It was only about two steps, but Sirius unstuck one foot from the ground, as though it was in glue, then another. He reached his chubby little arms out for Severus and promptly stopped trying to hold himself up the moment Severus had a good hold on him. With a laugh Severus swept him up into the air over his head.

“What a big boy,” Pauline cooed.

“Good job!”  said James, reaching his arms out for Sirius. Severus passed him over.

“Look at you, you can walk!” continued James, sounding genuinely awed. Sirius just giggled and pushed his face into James’ shoulder. With a smile, James kissed the boy on the head then turned back to Pauline.

“I’m getting in the way here, and he needs a nap,” James said shuffling the baby up further into his arms.

“James,” Pauline said “I have a proposal for you.” James raised an eyebrow and looked curiously over Sirius’ head.

“How would you like to be my partner?” she asked opening her arms a little as if to showcase the little stone room. James blinked, stunned.

“Uh - I have never owned a business before,” James said. “And I have the children.” Pauline shrugged with a little smirk. Severus turned around to follow the conversation.

“I have the never owned a business before either, and you can bring the kids with you whenever you need,” she said.

“And they’re growing up,” Severus added softly, remembering the look on James’ face when Harry ran into class brimming with confidence and independence.

“Alright,” James said looking around the bakery. “Why the hell not?”

James buying into the partnership left the bakery with a considerable amount of galleons, and weeks later, James had managed to hire staff, fix the bakery and create a business plan that contained more than “bake cakes”. Pauline had designed the entire bakery in robins egg blue and hardwood, and soon there was nothing to do but open the doors.

“Thanks for reminding me about my umbrella,” Pauline said as she tapped her wand to the door and walked in. Severus just tilted his head in acknowledgement and entered into the room. His hand was clenched in his pocket around a small box. She skipped over to the umbrella holder and grabbed it out.  

“I hope it goes well tomorrow,” she whispered, wrapping an arm around her stomach and looking around the bakery.

“It will,” he said with genuine feeling. “Look at this place it’s incredible.” She bit the nail of her thumb nervously, and continued to scan the bakery, as though trying to determine whether or not something was out of place.

“And if it doesn’t, you’ll still have me, always if you want,” Severus promised, his heart thumbing in his chest as he pulled out James’ great-grandmother’s ring, which he had been carrying around for weeks. Her eyes widened and she clapped her hands over her mouth.

“Will you marry me?” Severus whispered. The floor felt extremely hard underneath his knee. Her eyes flooded with tears and for the briefest moment, he didn’t know whether it was because she was happy or sad. Then she nodded and threw her arms around his neck nearly knocking him on the floor.

“Yes,” she said, more ecstatic than Severus expected. “Of course, yes!”  

XxxXX

“Now, can anyone explain to me what the difference between a ghost and a poltergeist is?” Severus asked, scanning his eyes over the little second-years, a few of them dropped their eyes, some shrunk back in their chair. Severus sighed.

“What is a ghost?” he asked, breaking the question down into smaller pieces for them. Hesitantly, Madeline, one of his brighter students, raised her hand half-way in their air.

“Yes, Miss Brewer.”

“A ghost is an impression of someone’s soul,” Severus nodded, and turned towards the board.

“Close. A ghost - ” A knock on the door stopped him, and he and the entire class turned around in surprise. His fifth-year prefect, Annabelle Grunning, was standing at the door, anxiously.

“Miss Grunning,” Severus said in surprise. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes, sir. It’s only -” She trailed off and gently pulled Harry by the hand into the doorway. For a moment, Severus could just stare at the little, red-faced five-year old, and Harry stared back at him, his lip quivering.

“Harry?” Severus said in surprise “What -” He looked around at the entire class of second-years who were watching the interaction with growing interest.

“Class, read pages 23-47. Any talking or trouble-making and you will lose 20 points for your house” Severus said with a scowl, already walking over toward Harry.

“He came through the floo,” Annabelle said as Severus approached. Harry continued to stare at the floor. A gnawing sense of unease started to rise up through his gut.

“Thank you Miss Grunning. 15 points to Slytherin. I can take it from here,” Severus said, kneeling down in front of Harry. She nodded and walked back to class.

“Harry?” The little boy still didn’t look at him. “Hare-bear?” Severus continued softly, raising the boy’s chin. His eyes, newly magnified under his wire-rimmed glasses that looked exactly like his father’s, were red, and his face was pale.

“What’s wrong, lovey?” Severus said, beginning to feel quite genuinely worried at the look on the boy’s face. For a moment, he had a horrid image of James or Lily dead on the floor of Potter Manor.

“I ran away,” said Harry tremulously, jutting his chin out. Severus blinked at the little boy in front of him.

“You ran away?” he asked blandly. Harry nodded a little proudly, even as his lip continued to quiver.

“Did you happen to tell Mommy or Daddy that you ran away?” Severus asked softly, his stomach dropping when Harry shook his head negatively. With a sigh, Severus reached down and picked the toddler up. He rested his head on Severus’ shoulder with a large sniff.

“Shhh,” he said, rubbing Harry’s back. “It’s ok, love.” He turned around to the rest of the class.

“You all are dismissed for the rest of this period,” he said, trying not to roll his eyes as the students immediately burst out in excited whispers while they packed up. Without another word, he walked down the halls to his quarters.

When he brought the children to Hogwarts, they stayed mostly in the Slytherin dorms getting fussed over by the students while Severus worked. That plus the fact that his high standards and disdain for mediocrity made many of the students wary of him, caused a few students to look at him curiously as he walked through the hallways carrying a small child.

The door to his quarters came into view quickly and he whispered the password and carried Harry inside, who at five was beginning to get quite heavy.

“Do you want some cookies?” asked Severus. He never indulged in them himself but they were useful bribes for upset students.  Surprisingly, Harry shook his head no and buried himself further into Snape’s arms.

“Ok, I’ve gotta tell your Daddy where you are. He’s going to be missing you,” Severus said, setting Harry down on the couch.

“NO!” Harry exclaimed, looking as though he was about to burst into tears again. Severus had no doubt that James was literally losing it already, but he had long since learned that Harry’s tear-stained chubby cheeks had a massive manipulative effect on him.

“Why not? Don’t you want him to know that you’re ok?” Severus asked gently, sitting himself down on the coffee table across from Potter. The tiniest built of guilt showed in Harry’s wide eyes, but he just gave a half-hearted shrug.

“He doesn’t care. No one does,” whispered Harry, tears starting to well up in his eyes again.

“Harry, that’s not true,” Severus replied, brushing a tear off of Harry’s cheek. “What happened?”

“Daddy was supposed to take me flying but he didn’t cause the stupid baby won’t stop crying, and Mommy was supposed to read me stories but she doesn’t read me any stories any more, she just falls asleep in Amelia’s bed after reading her stories!” said Harry indignantly. “I want new parents.”

Severus knew there was no point in explaining to Harry that Lily got up at five to go to work and argued all day so she was utterly exhausted by the time she got home, or the fact that James had to be just as concerned about Sirius’ well-being as Harry’s. Sometimes it just sucked to be the oldest child.

“Come here,” Severus said sitting on the couch beside the little boy and pulling him on to his lap. Harry gratefully curled up into Severus’ stomach and promptly stuck his thumb in his mouth, a habit Lily had been desperately trying to get him to kick. He should batt the thumb away, and let James know that Harry was still alive, but he knew that the boy likely had precious time to sit quietly on someone’s lap as of late. The world could wait a moment.

Severus ran a hand over the boy’s hair and kissed his head

“Your parents love you very much, Harry,” Severus said as gently as he could.  Harry sniffed and shrugged again miserably.  

“Come on. I’ve gotta take you home,” Severus said softly, standing up with the toddler in his arms.

“No,” Harry whispered in vague protest, but Severus took them both into the fireplace anyways.  “The Potters'.” The spun through the fireplace and Severus tightened his grip on Harry, just to make sure he wouldn’t drop him even though he never had before. Fireplaces whipped by them and a moment later they landed hard in the Potter’s fireplace.

The living room was overrun with toys, and pasta was boiling over on the stove, no one was home and the door was open. James knew. Severus felt a sudden swirl of guilt for the moment he spent cuddling Harry. He swirled his wand at the stove, causing the pasta to stop boiling.

“James?” Severus called, nearly tripping over a doll as he walked out of the living room towards the stairwell. Realizing it was futile, he swirled his wand again, sending a Patronus out after James with the message that Harry was ok.

“Alright, we’re home,” Severus letting Harry down to the messy living room floor. He had never seen the Potters’ house look quite this messy. Having three children under 6 was clearly taking their toll. Severus began to send dishes and glasses to the sink with a wave of his wand.

“Come on, let’s pick up these toys,” Severus said to Harry, picking up Amelia’s pink doll and a bunch of blocks. Harry morosely joined in taking his action figures up off the ground.

“HARRY? HARRY!” yelled James suddenly from the back door. He came running in with Sirius in one hand while he dragged Amelia with the other. When he saw Harry, he quickly placed Sirius in the playpen and ran over.

“Harry!” James said, dropping to his knees in front of his son and grabbing his shoulders. “Are you ok? Are you hurt anywhere?” Harry shook his head, and James breathed in relief and grabbed him into a tight hug.

“He went to see you at Hogwarts?” James asked, looking up to Severus over Harry’s shoulder. Severus nodded. James sighed in relief again and kissed the top of Harry’s tousled head “Thank you.”

“Anytime, Potter,” Severus said, taking in the man’s haggard expression. With a blink, James turned back to Harry, his concern giving way to anger.

“What were you thinking?” James said harshly. Predictably, Harry retreated further from the angry voice and dropped his head. Realizing he wasn’t getting anywhere with the anger, James sighed and cupped Harry’s cheek.

“Hare-bear, you can’t just run off like that,” James said gently. “Do you know how scared I was?” Sirius pulled himself up in the playpen and started to cry. Instinctively, James turned around at the sound. It would have crushed Harry if James went to the baby right now so Severus waved him back quickly and walked over to the playpen.

“Hi baby,” whispered Severus. “What’s the matter? Huh?” He picked the tiny one-year-old out of the playpen and turned to Amelia who was watching James talk to Harry with her customary serious expression.

“Come on, it’s ok. Let’s go play.” Severus said trying to reassure the child. He had no idea how she got so serious living in a house with James and Lily, but she quietly walked over to him and gave him her hand.

Soon, Severus was lounging on the deck chair, half-asleep with Sirius dozing on his chest while Amelia ran around the yard chasing a magical frog. It was nice to escape Hogwarts and classes. Sometimes it was hard to remember that a whole world existed outside of those walls. He was contemplating never getting out of the chair when Harry sped by him to join Amelia in the garden.

“Is everything ok?” Severus asked as James sat down beside him and handed him a glass of mead. James smiled wryly.

“Aside from being the most negligent father in the world,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.

“Come now,” Severus scoffed. “You’re a great father.”

“There’s only one of me though. They gang-up on me. I swear they’re trying to drive me insane,” James said with a wry smile.

“Why don’t Polly and I take Millie and Sirius this weekend?” Severus asked. “The students love having the little ones around and you and Lily can get some sleep, play with Harry, relax.” James looked skeptically at Severus.

“You know Sirius cries all through the night. He is literally programmed to go off the moment you close your eyes,” James said.

“I have spent many a night with your children and all of us survived,” said Severus “And you clearly need a break,” Severus said looking at James dishevelled appearance. “Let me take them. I want to.”

“Alright,” James conceded swigging his meed. “We’re lucky to have you.”  James summoned a small, blue blanket and laid it gently over Sirius, resting his hand on the baby’s head for a moment. After a moment James chuckled and sat back in his chair.

“What’s funny?” asked Severus.

“Lily’s pregnant,” James said. Severus blinked at him in surprise, then burst out laughing.

XxXXX

Things had all been going so well. James had returned to usual effervescent, healthy self, Pauline’s bakery was doing so well she was considering franchising, and Lily had returned with Arthur to the International Wizarding Federation to help draft Muggle protection legislation.

Most importantly, Michael had grown into a healthy, happy two-and-a-half-year-old who, while having Severus’ height and hair, had inherited Pauline’s slender nose, darker complexion and dark gold eyes. He was adored everywhere he went. The Slytherin students in the common room indulged him with games and colouring, Dumbledore always slipped him treats, and he had been subsumed into the Potter family as another one of their own.

They had all settled into a routine with happy Christmases, loud birthdays and Sunday dinners, and Severus was deeply happy. Really, he should have anticipating disaster.

James was more competent than a house-elf and adored Michael, so when Severus was teaching and Pauline was baking, Michael spent a lot of his time running around the Potter estate with Grace and Sirius. They literally ran, and screamed and squealed all day so Severus was surprised when he entered the Potter residence to find silence.

“Potter?” he called, kicking off his shoes.

“In the playroom,” called James. Severus frowned in slight confusion. It was a perfectly sunny day, and it was odd that the kids would want to be inside.

He walked to the playroom, which was the back of the house behind Severus’ old bedroom and heard the soft sounds of giggles, from behind the door. Grace, wearing a crown and a boa, was pouring fake tea into a fake cup for Sirius who also was wearing a crown. Michael, on the other hand, was sitting in James’ lap on an easy chair in the corner holding the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh.

“Uncle Sev!” squealed Grace, getting to her feet and hugging him around his legs as did Sirius. That was the kind of reaction he was used to getting from Michael and he looked over at his son in concern as he picked Sirius up.

“What are you wearing. You look ridiculous,” Severus said with a laugh, taking off Sirius’ tiara.

“He’s a princess,” Grace explained as they walked across the room to Michael. Sirius gave Severus a look that was clearly displeased and laid his head on his shoulder.  

“Mikey?” Severus said, in concern when the boy buried himself in James’ neck.

“He has a stomach-ache,” James said softly. Immediately, Severus placed Sirius on the floor and placed a hand on Michael’s forehead. It was a little warm and the eyes that looked back at him were tense with pain.

“Did you eat something odd?” asked Severus as Michael opened his arms and allowed Severus to pull him off of James’ lap.

“We just had spaghetti for lunch,” James said summoning Michael’s teddy bear with a flick of this wrist.

“Alright, we’ll get you home then,” Severus said, giving the little boy a kiss on the temple.

“I gave him some magnolia,” James said, patting the back of Michael’s head softly. “Call me if you need anything.”

It had seemed to just be a stomach ache. Despite the early hour, Severus tucked Michael into the couch back at Hogwarts and after a few sips of tea he had happily started colouring his drawings, and by the time Pauline burst through the door, anxious and concerned, he had already developed enough of an appetite to eat dinner. Pauline put him to bed early and that was supposed to be the end of it.

Hours later, Severus was pulled out of a dead sleep by the sound of Michael shrieking with tears in a way he hadn't done since he was a baby. Pauline had woken too, and they shared a brief moment of panicked eye contact before running across the living room to Michael’s bedroom. Michael was sitting up on the bed sobbing and with vomit all down his front and on the bed.

Pauline vanished it with a quick wave of her wand, but not before Severus saw specks of red blood in it.

“We have to take him to the hospital, now,” Severus said quickly, his mouth dry and tight. He summoned their robes and coats, simply pulling Michael’s around his pyjamas as he continued to sob. Pauline looked she wanted to protest, but she snapped her mouth shut and quickly picked Michael up.

“Alright,” she whispered, rubbing Michael’s back as he continued to cry. “Let’s go.”

Hours of paperwork and wand work later, Severus was sitting silently beside Pauline watching Michael’s chest rise and fall in a small hospital bed. The only thing that kept him from loosing his mind was Pauline’s hand firmly clenched in his. A soft knock came through the silence like a shot.  

“Sev? Polly?” James said from the doorway. Both he and Lily looked around the room in confused horror.

“What happened?” James asked, lowering his voice to a whisper so as not to wake Michael.

“Liver failure,” Severus said hoarsely. James’ eyes widened to about the size of his glasses and he ran a tense hand over his mouth, while Lily gave a little gasp of shock.

“It’s not uncommon in premature infants. Michael was older so we didn’t think…” Severus trailed off.

“I am so sorry,” Lily whispered, squeezing Severus’ arm gently. The voices finally pulled Michael awake, and he blinked blearily at the room.

“Momma?” he whispered. “My tummy hurts.”

“I’ll get the Healer,” Severus said, scrambling to his feet as Polly went to Michael’s side.

“No!” Michael said starting to sob. “Daddy.”

“Alright, shhh, it’s ok,” Severus whispered sitting on the bed and wrapping an arm around both his son’s shuddering shoulders. Michael pressed his forehead to the crook of Severus’ neck and continued to cry.

“I’ll go,” Lily said quickly leaving the room. Despite both Severus and Pauline whispering calming platitudes, the boy didn’t calm down.

“‘m gonna be sick,” Michael whispered. Before Severus could react, James conjured a bowl and placed it under Michael’s mouth. The boy threw up violently. James’ concerned eyes met Severus’ as he pet Michael’s hair soothingly.

“‘m sorry,” Michael whispered softly.

“It’s ok,” James said, sounding a little upset himself. “Don’t be sorry, monkey.”

“Hello,” Healer Harris said as he entered the room. “Let me see what’s going on.” James obediently stepped aside and the Healer prodded, pocked and ran his wand over Michael before taking out a small vial of pain reliever.

“Alright, drink this for me, Michael,” he said softly. Michael obeyed, and after a moment, his eyes drifted shut, and he fell asleep on Pauline’s shoulder.

“How is he?” Severus asked instantly. The Healer gave the same sigh he did when he said that James was about to die, and Severus’ stomach gave an awful flip.

“It’s not good,” Healer Harris replied. Pauline gave a choked sob and pressed her lips to Michael’s hair. Severus was too stunned to speak or even think. He felt blank.

“What exactly is wrong, and what can be done?” Lily asked, talking in her lawyer voice but looking significantly more pale and drawn than usual.

“If we can find someone with the same blood-type, we can then duplicate them and bind them to Michael’s liver,” the Healer said. “If that’s successful, he should be fine.”

“What’s his blood-type?” James asked immediately.

“B negative,” Healer Harris said. Lily shook her head sadly and turned to James.

“I don’t know my blood-type,” James admitted with an embarrassed smile.

“AB positive,” Severus ground out with a scowl. He had spent enough time sitting by James’ bedside as he fought for life to never forget that. There was a moment of silence, then Lily spoke.

“Gracie is.” James blinked for a moment then turned back to the Healer.

“Right…right. She’s with the Weasley’s. I’ll go and get her,” he offered, even as Severus started to shake his head.

“No way, Potter,” Severus said. Little Grace was precisely that, very little. There was no way Severus was letting some hack with a wand take part of her liver. Someone else would be able to help Michael. James was already on his feet and he laid a hand heavily on Severus’ shoulder. His brown eyes bore into Severus with a burning determination, reminding Severus of just how sick Michael was.

The arguments Severus were forming died on his lips and he looked down to his lap. Grace was his godchild and he felt a horrid sense of shame that he was allowing this to happen to her. James squeezed his shoulder gently then walked out the door.

The concerns Severus had about Grace started to dramatically fade into the background as Michael got steadily worse over the next day. If he wasn’t sleeping, he was crying or getting sick, and the worse part was that he was completely terrified and hurting the entire time and there was nothing Severus could do about it.  Even the fact that Lily had filled Michael’s rooms with balloons and an absurdly large talking teddy bear did little to cheer the boy up.

By the middle of the next day, Grace was confirmed as a match and James, Lily, Pauline and Severus were all sitting in the waiting room in thick, tense silence.

“I have a fireplace, you know,” Remus said breaking the silence from behind them. All of them turned around. As always, he was well-dressed in a handsome wool coat and dark jeans but the calm, happy expression he usually wore was placed with one of deep concern.

“Moony!” James said with a laugh jumping up and hugging him. The hug Remus bestowed on him was perfunctory, and he quickly pulled away to look at Lily who flung he arms around him childishly.

“How are they?” Remus said looking over Lily’s head to find Severus’ eyes.The thought that Remus felt the need to come all the way from America where he was extremely busy made Severus even more anxious, and he looked away.

“They’ll be fine. Everything looks good,” James said softly. A few of the deep wrinkles on Remus’ face smoothed out as he kissed Pauline on the top of the head.

“I can’t believe you came,” she said.

“I’d come for a scraped knee if anyone ever remembered to call me,” he said lightly. Still concerned with the fact that Remus had felt the need to come, Severus didn’t have the heart to jump up and hug him. Remus seemed to understand, because he approached Severus and sat on the empty chair beside him silently.

“Anything I can do? Anything at all?” asked Remus softly. Severus shook his head sharply and continued to stare at the floor. Remus nodded and rested his hand on Severus’ shoulder.

“Thank you for coming,” whispered Severus after a long moment. Remus just squeezed his shoulder silently in response.

Then the double doors opened to reveal Healer Harris looking as severe and businesslike as ever. There was a collective hush over the group, and Severus could almost feel the anxiety pulsing off of every person.

“Grace is fine, she’s being taken to recovery now,” Healer Harris said. “Michael is doing very well, he should be finished in the next 10 minutes.” A collective sigh of relief dissipated through the group, and Severus quickly took Pauline in his arms.

“Can we see her now?” Lily asked, already picking up her bag and coat.

“Go see her,” Pauline said when Severus hesitated. “I’ll wait for Mike.” Remus stayed seated in the chair, knee-to-knee and shoulder-to-shoulder with Pauline, the look he gave Severus promised that he wouldn’t leave. Severus nodded and followed the Potter’s, who had already run down the hallway to the small hospital room.

Grace was still little enough to have rails on her hospital-bed, and she looked like a very sad, clown doll with her bright pink cheeks, red hair splayed on the pillow and big, brimming brown eyes. The second she saw Lily, her entire face crumbled and she started to cry.

“Mommy!” she demanded holding her arms out. So quickly that Severus could have sworn Lily had apparated, she appeared at her daughter’s bedside and took her as much into her arms as she could.

“It hurts,” Grace said between sobs in a desperate sort of way that cut Severus right to the core. Lily pulled Grace closer to her and looked a little desperately up at James, who rested a comforting hand on the baby’s head.

“I know, sweetheart,” Lily soothed, petting the girl’s short bob.

“What can be done about her pain?” Severus asked, feeling too horribly guilty and responsible to even walk over to her.

“We’ve given her the maximum amount of pain potions, I feel comfortable with. Other than that, we’ll keep her overnight for observation, but she should be fine,” said the Healer.

“Overnight?” Severus said suddenly, causing everyone in the room to stare at him. “You said that this spell wasn’t overly invasive. You said she would be fine.” Belatedly he realized how angry he sounded and flushed when Grace stared back at him with wide, frightened eyes. He hadn’t meant to scare her.

“She will be fine,” said Healer Harris calmly, “We just want to keep her for observation.” Severus jaw tightened as he looked over to where Lily was tucking Grace into the small hospital bed and he nodded tightly. The little girl looked absolutely miserable, and Lily was trying to prop her up on pillow so she wouldn’t hurt her back. It didn’t quite work and she started to cry again.

“Oh Gracie-bell,” Severus said softly, feeling an incredible amount of guilt. Even though both of her parents were already there to comfort her, he stepped over to the bed. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why?” she asked bemused. Severus shook his head took the girl’s tiny hand in his.

“He’s just being silly, sweetheart,” Lily said, sitting up on the bed with Grace. “None of this is your fault, Sev.” Lily’s warm hand covered his and squeezed.

“Grace will be fine, Sev,” James said. “She already is, right goose?”  Grace sniffed but nodded bravely, there was no doubt what house this little girl would end up in. He gave her a gentle hug and kissed her hair.

“I love you, sweetheart,” Severus whispered, rubbing a thumb over her damp cheek.

“Love you, too,” she replied with an easy smile.

“Professor Snape. We’re ready for you.” Healer Harris called from the door. It felt as though he had just been cursed. His entire body tensed.

“I’ll come.” James said patting him on the back. “Come on.” Because he knew he had to he straightened up.

“I’ll be back. Get some sleep, ok, Gracie-bell?” James said, kissing Grace, then Lily on the cheek.

“He did wonderfully,” the Healer said with a smile. “A day or two of observation and he’ll be back to normal. He’ll be a little groggy and feverish, all that’s normal.”

“Can I see him?” Severus asked, the words not enough to undo the knot in his stomach.

“Yes, but family only.”

“They are family,” Severus said. Healer Jones raised his eyebrows skeptically but nodded and the three of them all but raced to the small, private room at the end of the hall. Polly was sitting on a chair by the bed stroking Michael’s hair.

“Paul?” Severus said softly. She turned around in surprise at seeing them, then her face absolutely crumbled and she began to bawl.

“It’s ok, he’s ok,” Severus said holding her tightly and peering over his shoulder to wear Michael was sleeping more or less peacefully. After a moment, she pulled away and raised her red-rimmed eyes and blotchy face to Severus.

Severus swallowed and looked over to Michael who was so small he was completely swallowed by the covers. Aside from Pauline’s dainty nose, he looked exactly like Severus did as a young child, and now he had the sallow complexion and pained face to match. He never wanted his child to go through the types of things that would make him look like that.

“Grace? Is she…” Pauline trailed looking uncomfortable.

“She’s fine, Paul,” James said hugging her. A fresh batch of tears came to Pauline’s eyes as she hugged James back.

“I don’t know how to thank you,” she whispered.

“Don’t thank me,” James said heavily. “This is what family does. If the roles were reversed, you’d have done the same.”

Trying to hide his own swell of emotion, Severus busied himself with flattening the corner of Michael’s sheets, but the talking in the room and the touch caused Michael up and he blinked at Severus blearily, then smiled his sweet smile that made Severus feel like he was not the world’s worst father.

“Daddy?” he whispered. Severus leaned over and hugged him with as much verve as he dared, and Michael’s small arms hugged him back.

“Uncle Remus!” Michael said, because apparently Severus was not the most exciting thing in the room. “Why are you here?”

“Hello darling,” Remus said, hugging the little boy tightly as well. “I’m here because I wanted to see you. Look how much you’ve grown!” Michael beamed back at him.

“Did you bring American sweets?” Michael asked hopefully.

“Of course, but you have to wait until the Healer says you can have them,” Remus said, kissing the boy on his forehead.

“And what about me!” James said indigently from the foot of the bed. “No ‘Hi Uncle James’ for me?” James tone was clearly playful, and Michael loved James so much that sometimes it made Severus downright insecure, so when Michael shrunk back into the pillows at seeing James, everyone blinked in surprise, and James looked downright shocked.

“You’re not going to say hi to Uncle James?” Severus asked softly. “He’s been worried about you.”

“I brought you a present,” James said with a gentle smile, holding up a stuffed lion.

“You’re not mad at me?” asked Michael softly. James sat on the foot of the bed, his brow wrinkled in genuine confusion, which made sense cause James rarely got made at anyone let alone the children.

“Why would I be mad at you, lovey?” asked James, brushing Michael’s hair out of his eyes.

“Cause I got sick and then Grace got hurted,” Michael whispered. Severus’ heart leapt out to him and he was about to correct this faulty assumption when James stepped in.

“Oh, no, no. That was not your fault love. Grace is fine, I’m just glad you’re ok. Now, come on, I want a kiss, you’ve been driving me out of my mind with worry.” Michael gave James a small smile and kissed him on the cheek when the man pulled him into a hug.

“How are you feeling?” Severus asked softly as James laid Michael back on to the covers. The little boy just shrugged miserably, looking precariously close to tears now that the excitement of seeing Remus wore off.

“Alright, you get some sleep it will help you feel better,” Pauline said straightening his blankets. Michael looked between them skeptically.

“Will I have to have more magic?” Pauline shook her head with tears in her eyes. Michael was already fading with tiredness and it was only moments before he fell asleep, leaving the four adults watching him.  Finally James leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.

“Alright, I better go see Grace. Lily will be worried if I don’t let her know Michael’s ok.”

“Paul, you need some sleep,” Remus said, noticing that she her own eyes were closing. She had stayed awake with Michael all of last night while Severus had gone home and was in even rougher shape.

“Let me take you home.” Remus said. Reluctantly, Pauline nodded her head and they all left, leaving Severus alone to stare at Michael, who was already starting to look a little better.

The child slept on peacefully for a few hours and didn’t even wake when Lily came check on them, bringing food and insisting on making up a cot for Severus, as though he could sleep. He had gotten through half a Dickens novel before the child spoke.

“Daddy?” whispered Michael tiredly from his bed. Severus quickly shuffled his chair to the side of the bed and grabbed his hand tightly.

“What is it?” Severus asked urgently.

“I want ice cream,” Michael announced, his eyes already drooping shut. Severus laughed in relief and took his hand.

“Alright, monkey. Whatever you want,” Severus said gently, smiling as Michael slid back into sleep as easily as the sun slides behind a cloud. Miserably, Severus tried to sleep which involved napping for fitful fifteen minute periods, waking up every time Mike’s hand moved.

“Sev?” called James softly from the doorway. Two steaming plates of meatloaf were precariously balanced on the tray he was holding.

“How’s Grace?” he whispered.

“She’s doing great, the nurses are all doting on her. She loves all the attention. Lily’s staying the night with her, Remus is staying with the other children,” James responded sitting on the chair beside Michael’s bed with the tray of food on his lap. Tension drained from Severus’ stomach, thinking of little Grace sobbing her heart out on Lily’s shoulder had made this horrible two days worse.

“You have to eat something,” James coaxed.

“I’m not hungry,” Severus said curtly, wishing James would just disappear.

“I know,” James said softly. “But you need to eat anyways. You need your strength, for Michael’s sake. Come on.” There was no arguing with that statement, he hadn’t eaten in over 24 hours, he couldn’t keep it up. Reluctantly, Severus sat down beside James and started eating. The meatloaf tasted like chalk. James was usually not able to shut up, but now he simply sat in quiet solidarity.

“Uncle James?” Michael said sleepily from his bed. James quickly swallowed his meatloaf and sat forward urgently with a smile plastered on his face.

“Hey bug! How are you feeling?” James asked softly, wiping Michael’s long hair from his forehead.

“My tummy hurts,” he answered sadly, making Severus’ stomach constrict. He already had the maximum amount of pain killers  James leaned forward and kissed the boy softly on the forehead.

“I know, lovey,” James said gently. “You’re being very brave.” Michael, who idolized James, lit up at the praise and smiled broadly back at him.

“What can I do to make it better? Do you want a story?” James asked. Michael nodded enthusiastically.

“Make one up!” Michael demanded “Another toaster man story”. Reading stories from books was apparently too basic for James and all the children now clamoured for their own individual stories. Severus smirked at James, who laughed, leaned forward and started to detail the latest adventures of toaster man in a soft whisper.

“Sev? Sev?” Severus jerked awake instantly at the sound of James’ voice. Michael was now fast asleep again, curled up to face James and Severus.

“How long was I out,” Severus asked. The last thing Severus remembered was falling asleep to the not-so-interesting adventures of toaster-man. With a yawn he sat up and straightened Michael’s blankets before running a tired hand over his face.

“Not long. You look done in, Severus,” said James gently. “Go get some sleep. I’ll sit up with Mike,” James said, sitting down beside Michael’s hospital bed. Severus looked over to where Michael was sleeping peacefully in the bed, Lily’s blanket tucked under his chin. It seemed wrong somehow to leave him, but Severus hadn’t done more than doze in a plastic chair for the past two nights.

“Sev, he’s my godson. I love him,” James said firmly. “Let me stay. I want to stay.”  Severus swallowed and looked over to where Michael lay. Ever since had held Harry all those years ago, Severus had loved the Potter children. He had never assumed he’d have children of his own, so he had always looked on the Potter children with adoration and tenderness.  For some reason, he always found it hard to believe that James’ feelings for Michael could possible equal Severus’ feelings for Harry, Amelia, Sirius and Grace.

“Alright,” Severus said, standing up on creaking knees. He rested his hand on his Michael’s head, not quite ready to leave.

“I’ll take good care of him,” James said “If he needs you, I’ll call you, ok?” Hesitantly, Severus nodded his assent and walked out of the room. Briefly, he looked over his shoulder, but James’ attention had already turned back to Michael.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Severus turned on the spot and apparated, landing in the middle of his living room. Pauline hadn’t even made it to bed. She was stretched on the couch, still in her jeans with her long, black hair in her face. He couldn’t bear to wake her, so he walked up the stairs to his bedroom alone.

He was so tired, he expected to just fall asleep the moment his face hit the pillow, but instead he continually tossed and turned. He was used to have Pauline curled up next to him and even Michaels sharp toenails cutting into his shins. When he did manage to close his eyes and drift, off, he’d wake up in about fifteen minutes with a burning ball of anxiety in his stomach. After a few hours of this, his room seemed oppressively small and quiet. With a huff he got out of bed, kicked off the covers, changed into his robes and apparated back to the hospital.

Going straight to Michael’s room seemed like he was doubting James, so instead he walked down to the second floor, where he knew Grace was recovering. He eased open the door to her room and tiptoed in.

There were three children in the four-person recovery room: a teenage boy with an awful, green complexion, a pale little girl who had yet to be visited by a parent, and Grace in the closest bed to the door. She was immediately identifiable by her flaming auburn hair that vividly contrasted with the pillow and the fact that her bed was made of two lumps: one for her, one for Lily.

With her big, warm personality and red hair, it was hard not to see a little Lily when he looked her, more so when Lily was curled up next to her, highlighting their identical bone-structure. Seeing them was somehow soothing, and he gently placed Grace’s hair behind her ear before sitting back in the chair, watching her and Lily sleep for a moment. His heart slowed and a calmness he hadn’t felt in days came over him. Finally feeling ready, he pulled himself up and walked up to Michael’s room on the fourth floor.

He pushed the door open, but stopped at the scene in front of him. James was fast asleep under the covers with his arms around Michael, who was using James’ chest as a pillow. Evidently, they had fallen asleep while reading because James’ glasses were still on and the Adventures of Winnie the Pooh lay open on top of the covers. The first true smile Severus had in days came to his face, and he felt a surprising swell of tenderness rise up through him.

“That’s technically against the rules, but it’s too cute,” said a tall night-nurse Severus hadn’t seen before. Severus smirked at the scene and stood up from where he was leaning on the doorframe.

“How’s Michael doing?” he asked softly.

“Good, we’ll probably be able to let him go tomorrow afternoon,” she replied. Severus sighed in relief and ran a hand through his hair.

“Your husband’s been great with him, stayed up and watched him all night, read him stories when he woke up,” the nurse said.

“He’s just a friend,” Severus said automatically.

“Oh sorry, I just assumed he was a father,” she said, blushing. Severus waved off the apology. She placed the chart back on the door.

“That’s a really good friend you have there,” she said with a smile.

“I know,” Severus said walking into the room. It was covered in darkness and the only sound was James’ light snoring. A duvet lay bunched up at the bottom of the bed, and Severus gently pulled it up over both Michael and James. Registering the change in environment, James shifted a little in his sleep, turning to curl more protectively over Michael. There was no real need for Severus to stay, not when James was here treating him like this.

Gently, Severus leaned over and kissed Michael on the forehead.

“Goodnight, monkey,” he whispered, smiling as the boy shuffled further onto James shoulder. Since there was no one to see the moment of softness, Severus leaned over and pulled James’ glasses of his face.

“Night, Jamie,” whispered Severus, taking the glasses and the books and placing them on the side table.  James snorted in acknowledgement and continued to sleep. With a final smile at the scene, Severus turned on the spot and apparated back into his living room.

“How is he? I was going to go see him,” Pauline said quickly, the moment he landed. Her face was as lined with worry as his was and he immediately regretted not waking her up.

“He’s fine,” Severus said stepping into hug her. “Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

“But-”

“He’s just sleeping right now, Polly,” Severus said, kissing her on the forehead. “If we sleep now, we’ll be able to be there for him in the morning when he actually needs us.” Polly looked at him skeptically, and gnawed her bottom lip.

“He’s ok, Paul. James has him,” Severus whispered.

XxxxxxXXXXX

Severus apparated on to the cement of the school-yard with such purpose that he nearly fell on his face and jogged up to the school house. A few Slytherins had taken it into their heads to attempt to swim with the Giant Squid, and Severus had been so busy giving them a lecture and taking points that he had nearly forgotten that he had promised to pick up all the children from school. Now he was late, and he personally had just taken so many points from Slytherin there was no way they’d be able to win the House Cup. He was in a black mood that only slightly dissipated when he saw Ron, Harry, Ginny and Sirius racing around the playground.

“Kids,” called Severus, getting all their attention.

“Uncle Sev! Come play,” called Sirius from where Harry was spinning him and Ginny round and round on a tire swing. He let out a howl of laughter as the tire swing spun off like a space ship and raced around for a moment before landing back where it was started from. Severus smiled, he could play there was no reason not to have some fun before having to monitor two hours worth of detention.

“Alright,” he stepped onto the playground before halting and looking around Ron, Harry, Ginny, Sirius…four. “Where’s Amelia?”

“Library,” Ron and Harry said together before bursting out laughing.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a moment. Stay here.” The four children went back to their game, and Severus pushed open the doors to the schoolhouse. The small school was only for wizarding children and was consequently into only two schoolrooms, one for primary school and one for intermediate school. A large, well-stocked library took up a third room and Severus more than once had to pull Amelia out of the stacks of books, just as his mother had to do with him.

With a yawn he pushed opened the door and was about to call out for Amelia when he heard the sounds of raised, harsh voices.

“Give it to me!”

“Stop it,” said a gentle voice that unmistakably Amelia’s. Severus frowned and quietly followed the sound of the voices.

“What are you gonna to about it?”  said a young boy’s voice that sounded somewhat familiar to Severus, all though he couldn’t quite place it.

“I thought you Potter’s were all supposed to be brave, but your just a baby. I bet even your own parents think you’re a baby,” Severus rounded the corner to see Draco Malfoy, towering over Amelia. Each of them were tugging one half of the Secret Garden, a book Amelia hadn’t put down in days. Two larger boys Severus wasn’t sure of stood behind Draco, laughing.

“You’re going to rip it,” Amelia said tearfully as Draco tugged firmly on the book. Before Severus could do anything, Amelia’s prediction came true and the book split down the middle, sending Amelia back into the stacks and paper pages flying everywhere. Draco burst out laughing and stepped on one of the pages as Amelia reached out to grab it, almost stepping on her little fingers.

Severus strode across the room and pulled Draco’s arm with perhaps slightly more force than he was proud of.

“Enough,” Severus snarled, staring Draco down with a look he knew from experience would make Lucius quake. “Go.” Draco’s two bodyguards ran and Draco was about to as well but Severus caught his arm again.

“You bother her again, I’ll be much less forgiving,” Severus snarled releasing the boy’s arm forcefully. Draco scowled but didn’t have the courage to do more then ran away. The moment the boy turned, Severus turned to Amelia who was still picking up the pages from floor, not looking at him.

“Millie?” said Severus softly, kneeling down on the floor with her. She hesitantly raised her head and looked at him, a little fear and embarrassment in her hazel eyes.

“Are you alright?” he asked, even though she clearly wasn’t. Tears filled her eyes, but she nodded affirmatively, and Severus felt his heart crack for her. He loved all the Potters, but Amelia, with her studious nature and quietness, was the one who reminded Severus the most of himself before he developed all his sharpness. The sharpness had developed from years of being treated exactly how Amelia had just been treated, and he hated the thought of her experiencing that pain.

He tapped his wand to the ripped pages and they all jumped obediently back into the book, then handed it to her. She drew it to her chest protectively.

“Thanks,” she whispered, still not looking up. He hated the fact that she was embarrassed and tried to search for the words to say.

He wanted to hug her, but he could tell she didn’t want him to. She was still gripping the vestiges of her shattered pride, a feeling Severus knew well.

“Many smart, kind, successful people have been bullied including many of those writers you love, including me,” Severus said gently. Her eyes widened in surprise at the revelation. Severus smiled at her and cupped her cheek.   

“I get how it makes you feel like you should be ashamed, but this has nothing to do with something be wrong with you and everything to do with something being wrong with Draco,” Severus continued. The crippling shame had always been the worst part about being bullied. In the back of his mind he could still hear his father mention with disdain how little friends he had. Her eyes filled with tears, and she nodded bravely again, an act which broke the last of Severus’ ability to hold back.

“Come here, love,” he whispered hugging her close to him. She allowed him to hug her, but kept her arms at her side and sniffed loudly in an attempt to restrain tears.

“It’s not your fault. We’ll figure out how to make it stop, ok?” Severus whispered to her. She nodded into his shoulder,  and the last of her resistance faded. She wrapped her arms tightly around Severus and started to sob quietly onto his shoulder.

She was crying so hard, and Draco was so rough, that Severus had a feeling this was far from the first time she had been treated like this. His heart ripped again, and he stroked her long, dark hair.

After a few minutes she calmed down and lifted her raw, tear-stained face to look at Severus. He grabbed a handkerchief out of his pocket and gently wiped away the last of her tears with a smile.

“I love you, monkey.”

“I love you too,” she whispered with the first smile he’d seen from her all day.

“Are you ready to go home?” she nodded. He draped an arm around her shoulder and steered her out of the library. The walked silently down the small hallway until Amelia stopped in her tracks looking out to where the other children were playing outside.

“Millie?”

“Are you going to tell them?” she asked nervously, turning her wide-eyes to Severus.

“Not if you don’t want me too,” he said hesitantly.

“And you won’t tell my Mom and Dad?” she asked quickly. There was a desperateness to her expression that made Severus want to find Draco and pummel him. He hesitated and knelt down in front of her.

“Why don’t you want me to tell them?” he asked softly. She shrugged miserably and looked away. If this was happening to Michael he’d want to know, and Severus knew that James and Lily would respond with concern and understanding that might go a long way in making her feel better. Still, if he told them, she might lose the one person she felt like she could talk to, and that seemed especially cruel.

“You’re parents love you very much. They’d want to know and help you,” Severus offered, in a paltry attempt to change her mind. “There is nothing to be embarrassed of.” She gave him another pleading expression, and Severus felt himself relenting.

“Alright monkey, but I want to know if he gives you any more trouble, ok?” She nodded quickly and hugged him again around the waist.

“What took you so long?” asked Harry jumping off the swing and soaring through the air like Lily used to.

“I’m hungry!” yelled Sirius running up and throwing himself around Severus’ legs. He picked the little boy up, then looked imperiously between Ron and Harry.

“Why was Amelia alone in the library?” Severus asked, with more anger in his tone. The boys blinked at each other in confusion.

“Cause she’s always in the library,” Harry said.

“She’s your little sister, Harry. You’re meant to be looking out for her,” Severus said. Still confused Harry looked from Severus to Amelia.

“Are you ok?” Harry asked taking a step towards his sister, looking at her critically. “Millie, have you been crying?” Amelia tensed beside Severus, and continued to look at the two oldest.

“She’s fine,” Severus said curtly. “That’s not the point. I’m asking why she was there alone in the first place.”

“She likes it in there. Dad says to let her do her own thing,” said Harry defensively.

“They didn’t do anything wrong,” Amelia said softly, when Severus opened his mouth again. He deflated a little, both Ron and Harry were both clearly oblivious, and it wasn’t their fault. Still, he gave Harry a hard look.

“Keeping an eye on your sister means keeping an eye on your sister, got it?” Harry, and Ron for that matter, nodded. Severus softened, looking at their expressions.

“Alright, let’s go home,” he said, boosting Sirius further up onto his hip.  

He kept his word to Amelia and didn’t tell James or Lily about her unfortunate encounter with Draco, but he did make sure that he was never late again whenever he picked up the children. Still, there were no other incidents to speak of, and he had almost put the event out of his mind until he went to dinner with the Potter’s three weeks later.

Harry was sitting at the table with a large black eye that Lily was applying bruise salve to, while James chopped carrots with considerably more force than necessary.

“Uh oh, what happened here?” Polly said, as they entered the kitchen.

“Harry is fighting now,” James said, displeasure clear in his voice. Severus raised his eyebrows at Harry, who simply turned to glower down at the table. Clearly, they entered in a fight.

“Did you win?” Polly asked, winking at him. Harry smiled a little at that, and nodded even as Lily huffed indignantly.

“Who are you fighting?” Severus asked crossing his arms in front of his chest as though he was talking to a troublesome first-year.

“It’s not fair I have four people to lecture me. Most people just have two parents to nag them,” snapped Harry, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Hey! Do not talk to your Uncle that,” James said from the kitchen, pointing his spoon and throwing an uncharacteristically dangerous look at Harry. Surprisingly, Harry glared back.

“Apologize and answer the question,” Lily said with equal firmness. Apparently, it was bad-cop, bad-cop in the Potter house.

“Sorry,” muttered Harry disingenuously, “and Draco Malfoy.” Harry held his eye for a moment and Severus instantly knew why this fight broke out. Draco hadn’t heeded Severus’ warnings to stay away from Amelia.

“And why were you fighting Draco?” Severus asked, just to make sure he was right.

“Oh come now, leave the boy alone,” Polly said, giving Harry a kiss on the head. Finding that he had an ally, Harry gave her a bright smile and leaned into the hug.

“Cause Draco pissed him off” James said, placing air quotes around pissed him off. Severus could tell the injustice of James being mad was beginning to wear on Harry’s nerves, and he sent James another glare.

“Alright, honey, he knows he’s in trouble, that’s enough,” Lily said patting Harry’s cheek affectionately.

“Fine,” James grumbled, still a little put-out. “Go get your siblings for dinner.” Severus followed Harry out of the kitchen.

“Harry,” He turned around and crossed his arms.

“What?” snapped Harry. This new adolescent attitude was getting old very fast. Severus took a step towards him and gently raised his chin. Harry was not supposed to have black eyes.

“That looks painful,” Severus commented lightly. A bit of the anger fell off of Harry’s face.

“Was he pushing your sister around?” Harry looked at him for a moment, then nodded shortly.

“She made me promise not to tell,” Harry said softly. Severus sighed, it was a promise he shouldn’t have kept in the first place. The other children had heard voices in the hallway and, spilled out in torrents of giggles, only Amelia trailed behind silently. She warily looked between Severus and Harry, as though she was caught doing something wrong.

“You said you wouldn’t tell,” she said accusingly to Harry.

“I’m sorry, Millie,” Harry said beseechingly, taking a step towards her. Her eyes filled with wounded tears, and she looked between them like a trapped animal.

“Oh love,” Severus said softly. "It's -"

“What’s going on?” James asked, poking his head into the hallway. He saw the tears in Amelia’s eyes and instantly stepped forward into the group.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” James asked in surprise. For a moment, Amelia looked to Severus, assessing whether-or-not he was going to spill her secret. The look on his face told her that she was out of luck. It was another disappointment on a clearly rotten day, and she ran to James in tears.

James was so surprised that he barely had time to open his arms to hold her, and he looked over her head to Severus in shock.

“It’s ok, sweetheart,” James said gently as he hugged her back. When she didn’t calm down, James frowned and knelt down to hold her more completely. Harry raced over too and pet her head.

“Millie, don’t cry,” Harry pleaded, sounding upset himself. Amelia sniffed, looking a little wary now that her tears were ending. Severus had the distinct feeling she would have liked to keep crying just to avoid the conversation, and indeed she buried her face in James’ neck as though she wanted to disappear. James looked up at Severus, still flabbergasted.

“What’s going on?” James asked.

“Draco’s been bullying her,” Severus said softly. “That’s why Harry got into a fight.” James’ eyes widened in surprise and he pulled back to look at Amelia’s face, still shocked. Whatever expression he saw there confirmed Severus’ story, and he pulled Amelia into another hug.

“Oh honey,” he said softly, holding her head to his shoulder and closing his eyes, clearly feeling her pain. He kissed her on the cheek and smiled at her.

“You know, when I was in second year Draco’s Dad knocked me off my broom and broke my nose, blood everywhere,” James said, pushing Amelia’s hair behind her ear. “Then know what? Mommy put Draco’s Daddy in jail.” Amelia giggled, and James winked at her, before looking at her seriously again.

“What happened?”

As Severus and Harry added detail, Amelia, with her eyes on the kitchen recounted the entire table in front of Lily, who, Severus could tell was becoming apoplectic with rage, and Polly, whose face was heavy with sympathy. James had his arm draped gently across her shoulders and was listening with simmering anger as well.

Draco, apparently, had started on Harry first, but wasn’t able to get a good enough rise out of him, who almost always had Ron and Ernie hanging around him anyways. Amelia, on the other hand, was quiet and independent and preferred to spend her time with her books in peace in the library. There was a hesitant gentleness in her, clearly inherited from latent gene and not from either of her parents, and she never stood up Draco who was older and intimidating. So he continued to needle her, make fun of her and even physically push her around, making her feel awful.

Harry, who had kept a closer eye on her on Severus’ instruction, saw Draco make her cry and punched him in the face.

“How could you not have told me about this?” James said, turning furious eyes to Severus the moment Amelia went up the stairs to bed.

“She asked me not too,” Severus said coolly. He had expected James to be upset, but he didn’t expect him to be like this.

“She’s eight!” James spat out indignantly.

“I didn’t want you to be disappointed in her,” Severus said before he truly thought the statement through. James recoiled as though he had just been slapped across the face and stared at Severus. Immediately, a deep guilty feeling came over him.

“Daddy, I want a story please,” Grace called from the top of the stairs.

“Alright, pumpkin, go pick one out,” James said, taking a step up the stairs.

“Potter-”

“I’m not fifteen anymore, Snape,” James said tightly. “And I don’t treat the people I love like that, which I thought you knew.” Without waiting for a response, James turned and headed up the stairs.

Severus and James rarely fought and it made Severus feel awful, and he sincerely wanted to avoid seeing the man. Still, Amelia was Severus’ goddaughter and he wasn’t going to let anyone push her around, so he arrived at the schoolhouse on Monday ready to tear Draco limb-from-limb.

It seemed as though he was already too late. James was walking out of the schoolhouse beside Lucius Malfoy. Severus just about thought their argument was mediated when James suddenly whipped out his wand and pushed Lucius against the schoolhouse.

 One thing Severus knew about Lucius was that he actively like being cruel and had no problems maiming or killing James, with that horrid thought in mind, Severus disapparated with a loud pop beside the fight.

James had his wand pressed against Lucius’ throat and his words were almost a growl.

“- touches my little girl again, I swear on Merlin’s wand I will personally ruin you,” James snarled in a feral way Severus had only heard when James rescued him from Voldemort.

“You think I fear a housewitch?” Lucius said contemptuously. Severus drew his wand, but James smirked coldly.

“Try me. Look what happened to Voldemort when he messed with the people I love,” hissed James. Severus saw the flicker of Lucius’ wand before James did, and James flew back into the snow. Lucius raised his wand again but this time Severus was too quick for him.

“Expelliamus!” Lucius’ wand sailed through the air. Severus caught it one-handed as James clamoured to his feet behind him. Lucius looked horrified, then angry.

“Snape,” he spat out. “You blood-”

“Yes, yes, enough with the pleasantries,” Severus drawled, pointing his own wand at Lucius. There was a tightness to Lucius’ jaw as he fought down a wave of nerves at being caught disarmed by two formidable wizards.

“Flippendo” Severus said, causing Lucius to fly onto his back. The man was Severus’ prey, and he approached with his wand trained on him, ready to attack should he move a muscle. He remembered the pain he felt being mercilessly tortured by him and loved the thought of returning the favour. But Harry, Sirius, Amelia and the Weasley children were inside, and what kind of Father would Severus be if he tortured and killed someone on the schoolhouse steps. Certainly, Michael would need to find other means of education when the time came.

With a sigh, he snarled at Lucius, than snapped the man’s wand over his knee. Lucius’ mouth dropped in horror.

“Draco doesn’t go near Amelia again. The Potters are out-of-bounds,” Severus hissed in a way he hadn’t since he was a Death Eater. Lucius snarled contemptuously, then nodded. Severus withdrew his wand and allowed the man to struggle up to his feet.

“Getting soft are we, Snape?” said Lucius, trying to clutch the remnants of his dignity.

“Yet somehow, I’m the one with the wand.” Lucius raised a lip at that, then turned on the spot leaving Severus and James alone.

“I had it covered,” James said without looking up at him.

“Potter, I’m sorry,” Severus said softly. “You don’t get it. You don’t know how it feels to torn down all the time, to have to try to explain that to your father, to know that he’s starting to think you’re a loser as well.” James was still looking away, but Severus could see him soften a bit.

“I just didn’t want her to be hurt anymore than she already was if you expected her to be something else, something more like you” Severus said softly. “I know what that can do to a child.”

“I love Amelia, Sev,” James said again. “Frankly, Lucius Malfoy’s son hating her, kind of makes me love her even more. I think it’s great she’s sweet and smart and I just want her to be happy.” It was too late, but Severus had long realized the honesty of those words. He never once companied about the books or asked why she didn’t have more friends. He loved her without reservation, in a way Severus’ father could never love a son like Severus.

“I know, Potter. I’m sorry,” Severus said.

“Amelia told me that you said how Draco acted was more of a reflection of Draco than of her,” said James after a long moment of silence. Severus nodded.

“The same goes for you and your father,” continued James.

“I know, Potter,” Severus said a little defensively. “I’m not fifteen anymore either.” Though sometimes he did still feel like he was.

“I know,” James said lightly, mercifully leaving it at that. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes, waiting for class to get out. James reached over and squeezed the back of his neck lightly. Somehow, Severus found that gesture immediately eased some weight, though he wasn’t sure what that weight was. Before Severus could assess it more, parents started popping up to pick up the children and the bell rang, sending a barrage of happy kids to their parents.

“Daddy! Daddy! Look I made a drawing,” Sirius called through the crowd holding up some scribbling for James.

“It’s wonderful, love. We’ll have to hang it on the wall,” James said, taking it as though it was a Monet.

“Hi Dad, Hi Uncle Sev” Harry said, Amelia right beside him.  

“How was school?” James asked, leaning over and ruffling Harry’s hair.

“Good, Harry and Ron let me eat lunch with them, now Molly thinks I’m cool,” Amelia said returning the hug. Molly sounded like a bitch to Severus, but he smiled at her.

“She wanted me to come over to her house, but I said I wanted to read my books instead. Is that ok?” she asked James. He laughed and kissed her on the head.

“You do whatever makes you happy, alright love? That’s all I care about.” Those were the only words Severus had ever wanted to hear from his parents, and sometimes he felt that if he had heard them, everything would have been different. Amelia hugged her father, and James smiled at Severus over the top of her head. He nodded his head slightly in approval before turning his attention to Sirius’ drawing.


XXXXXxxxXXXxX


Severus was in a bit of a blind panic. He knew nothing about women, absolutely nothing. Polly loved him against all logic, he still assumed she would come to his senses at some point and leave him for someone more fun, more compassionate, more easy-going. Now he found out he was going to have a daughter. A daughter. What the hell was he supposed to do with a daughter?

First, he was walked aimlessly around Hogsmeade buying pink tutus, lacey dresses and ribbons, until he started to be concerned that buying all that stuff would send the wrong message to his daughter so he had to go return it all. Instead he went to the bookstore and bought every book that had to do with raising witches, and empowered women and he was considering whether or not he should go apparate to Muggle bookstore in case his daughter was a Muggle and Muggle girls were different, when he realized he was horribly late to meet James at the Leaky Cauldron.

The man was sitting at the end of the bar, drinking a butterbeer and reading the Daily Prophet, looking uncharacteristically old and wise with the grey flecks in his hair, glasses, crinkled forehead and paper. They were all getting older, Severus reflected with a little smirk.

“Solving the world’s problems, Potter?” he asked, sliding into the stool beside him. James put down the paper with a smile, seeming 20 again.

 “Where have you been?” he asked.

“Shopping,” said Severus with a sigh. James peered into the bag curiously, then looked up at him with a shocked smile.

“A girl!” James said with a gasp.

“You realize that it could only have been one or the other, right?” asked Severus with a sardonic smirk that he didn’t quite feel. Embarrassingly enough, all he still could think of was pink nurseries and lacey dresses, and James flipped through the books with the faintest beginning of a smile. As soon as he was finished, he turned back to his beer quietly.  The barrage of teasing he was expecting didn’t come.

“No comment?” Severus asked. James shook his head with a little snort.

“A few nights again, Grace poured Lily’s blush all over her face and walked around in her heels for hours. This apparently is fun,” James said. “Amelia on the other hand -” James broke off and shook his head with a little laugh.

“Yeah, you got lucky there,”  admitted Severus.

“Though she asked me if she was pretty enough to be a princess the other day, so I have feeling the days of flying with my little tomboy are fast coming to a close,” James said. That was undoubtedly a vast underestimation of Amelia’s character. Still, he reached into his paper bag and handed James a copy of Raising Wonderful Witches. James took it with a smile.

“You’re gonna be great with her, Sev, really,” he said motioning for the bartender to pour Severus a drink. The din in Severus’ mind seemed to calm somewhat and he nodded after a moment.

xxxxxxx

As a general rule, Severus hated King’s Cross. He hated the fact that it was so filled with tourists,  that the trains were almost always late and that the entire magical community could not come up with a more efficient way to usher hundreds of children to a train then by making them go two-by-two through a single barrier.

“Daddy, a penny!” Michael yelped. His mop of dark hair disappearing between the legs of the crowd. However much he hated King’s Cross, it was infinitely worse trying to walk through it with a young child.

“Mikey-love, come here,” Severus said, picking the boy up and placing him on his hip before he could get trampled.

“Where is everyone? It’s quarter-to,” snapped Severus, looking around the crowd impatiently. “Am I the only one in this family who is ever on time?” Michael laid his head down on Severus’ shoulder.

“I’m on time, Daddy,” said Michael said with a smile.

“Yes, well, you’re perfect,” Severus said with a smile, kissing him on the forehead.

“Sev! SEV!” yelled Lily from across the station. She was in her work-robes and running with Grace on her back who was howling with laughter. James ran beside her pushing a cart full of trunks, Harry’s brand new snow-white owl, and Sirius. The owl was hooting indignantly, Lily was screaming and Sirius was loudly demanding James charge faster into the crowd, and James was pushing the cart erratically because his other hand was holding Amelia’s. Needless to say, they were attracting a lot of Muggle attention, and Harry jogged beside them looking embarrassed.

“Sorry we’re late,” Lily said breathlessly as she approached. “Hi Mikey.” She leaned in and hugged them both, planting a fat kiss on Michael’s cheek.

“It would have been foolish of me to expect any different,” muttered Severus accepting her hug and looking around at the Muggles. “Did you have to wear your robes? Everyone is staring.”

“I have court in an the afternoon,” Lily said indignantly.

“Auntie Lily, I found a penny,” Michael said, holding the coin out for Lily to examine. Recently, he had become obsessed with Muggle coins.

“That, love, is a very fine penny,” she said, before turning to Severus. “Where’s Polly?”

“Getting something called Starbucks. I don’t know, she has this thing for Muggle coffee,” replied Severus.

“Alright, she’ll meet us in there, we’re blocking the Muggles,” James stage whispered, jerking his head towards a group of Asian tourists who were taking pictures of Harry’s owl.

“Uncle Sev did you know that the Snowy Owl was first classified in 1758 by Carolus Linna?” asked Amelia as she poked her fingers through the owls cage. The bird looked distinctly unimpressed with the factoid.

“I did not,” Severus said as he led Michael through the crowd, taking Amelia’s hand with his free one. They walked towards a bushy-haired haired girl standing close to her two bespeckled parents who were clearly in Muggle attire.

“Just run at it?” The man said anxiously, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know Hermione, dear. This all seems rather…” As he saw Severus and the Potter’s approach he cleared his throat and looked away awkwardly.

“The train from Edinburgh should be here soon,” he said with exaggerated loudness. James, easily the most outgoing of the group, observed them for a moment than stepped forward with a small smile.

“Excuse me, do you need some help getting on the Platform?” he asked.

“Potter!” hissed Severus, about list all the magical decrees he could potentially be breaking at the moment.

“Yes!” the man said at almost the same time. “I’m Howard Granger, this is Patricia, my wife, and Hermione my daughter.” James shook their hands enthusiastically.

“James - James Potter. This is Harry, he’s starting Hogwarts as well.” Harry awkwardly nodded at the bushy haired girl, but she immediately brightened.

“That’s wonderful!” she said stepping towards him. “What reading have you done for the start of term? I tried to get through all the textbooks, but my parents couldn’t bring me to London until last week so I’m still behind on History of Magic and Herbology but I think I can catch up. Have you read Hogwarts a History? It’s brilliant.” Harry’s eyes widened.

“Uhmm-”

“Hermione, darling, come on,” her mother said, apparently having received confirmation from James that she was supposed to run at the barrier. Hermione waved brightly and grabbed the trolley. The three of them walked purposefully towards the barrier and disappeared after a moment.

“Come on, you lot,” Lily said extending her hand to Amelia and Sirius. Just as a large man passed by, the three of them disappeared into the barrier.

“Ready, Hare-bear?” asked James walking toward the barrier, and slinging and arm over Harry’s shoulder. Severus was about to follow with the cart, but the boy didn’t budge. The separation was becoming real, and Severus could see the uncertainty start to take over Harry’s eyes. James did too, because he knelt down to be eye-level with Harry and smiled up at him.

“It’s normal to feel scared you know. This is a big thing you’re doing,” James said gently.

“I’m not scared,” Harry said defiantly.

“When are you gonna come home?” Grace asked from the front of the cart, blinking her big, hazel eyes up at Harry.

“Christmas,” said Harry softly. Grace’s eyes filled with tears.

“Which isn’t that far off,” James cut in gently, brushing Harry’s bangs off of his forehead. “Together, ok?” James said nodding his head towards the barrier. Resolutely Harry nodded. They took a few steps and a disappeared through the barrier.

Severus quickly followed with the two youngest in tow, nodding at some of his students as he passed them.

“Where’s Ron?” Harry was asking anxiously looking around the steam filled corridor.

“He’ll be here,” soothed Lily. A few feet over, James was attempting to shove Harry’s large trunk into the small luggage container. After a few moments of exasperated pushing, he flicked his wand at the trunk and it shrunk to fit perfectly.

“I’m here. I’m here!” Polly said from behind them all. Her slight baby bump causing people to clear out of her way instantly. “The line up for these things is ridiculous!”

“You are going to have so much fun, Mister!” Polly said pulling Harry into a tight hug. Harry offered his first tentative smile of the morning and hugged her back.

“Come on, kiddo. I’ll help you find Ron, then you can say goodbye. I think he’s already on the train, I saw Percy’s trunk in there. Gold crest on it that says Prefect - Gryffindor House,” James said with a smirk.

“Hey! I got him that,” said Lily defensively getting looks from all the children and adults.

“What? I think it’s cute.” James rolled his eyes and motioned to Harry. At that moment, Jason saw them and walked over with a warm smile.

“Mikey! You’re starting at Hogwarts then?” teased Jason. Jason reminded Severus a lot of James as a student. Handsome, popular, Head Boy, Captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team, who had just recently grown-out of his talent for trouble.

“No!” Michael said with a laugh. “I’m FOUR!” Of all the students, Michael looked up to Jason the most, and Jason doted on him. Severus suspected that he had figured out walking around hand-in-hand with a toddler made him popular with the girls.

“Are you? Oh no! I was hoping you’d be our Seeker this year,” Jason said, ruffling the boy’s hair.

“Hello Professor,” Jason said. “Mrs. Professor.” Polly smirked at that and hit in on the arm.

“So Harry, do you think you’ll be in Slytherin like your Uncle?” he said, peering down at Harry who, though he had known Jason for seven years, was still clearly intimidated by the tall, confident boy. Severus smiled to himself, remembering full-well that Jason had cried himself to sleep for almost the entire first month he was at Hogwarts. It seemed like just yesterday.

“Ah, no, Gryffindor, like his, Mother, Father and Grandfather,” James said, as Lily smacked him across the arm. Jason grinned. Severus rolled his eyes.

“No, Hufflepuff!” Polly said. Everyone, even Harry, blinked blandly back at her.

“Uh oh, family rivalry, I see. You’ll do well wherever you end up,” Jason said with a smile. “I saw the Weasleys just a moment ago, I’m sure Ron is on the train already. Do you want me to help you find him?” Jason asked.

“Oh no, that’s ok,” Harry said quickly, clearly wanting to look mature. Jason nodded and smiled.

“Alright, I’ll be in the first carriage with Percy. Come find us if you need anything,” Jason said kindly. He said his goodbyes to the other children, and sauntered over to where a group of his friends were putting their trucks in the storage.

“Alright, come on, let’s get you a seat,” James said moving towards the train.

“You can’t go on with me!” Harry said aghast, still looking at the group of cool, confident seventh-years Jason had just joined.

“Yeah, you really can’t,” agreed Polly.

“Right, right. Of course,” James said, more to himself than to Harry. Severus felt a pang of sympathy for the man in front of him who forced a smile. “Well then kiddo, it’s time to say goodbye.”

The mood suddenly seemed to darken slightly, and Lily stepped forward to straighten Harry’s sweater, blinking back tears.

“You have everything you need? Books, clothes, pocket money. James give him pocket money,” Lily said. Immediately James pulled a hunk of galleons out of his pocket.

“Dad, you already gave me - ”

“Just take it,” said James with a smile. Harry took the coins and put them in his pocket.

“I don’t want you to go!” Grace said suddenly, no longer interested in running in circles with Michael. As her large eyes filled perfectly with tears, Severus thought of taking this girl to Disney so they could use her for inspiration for small, musical woodland creatures. He had not met a heart she couldn’t melt with that look.

“It’s ok, Gracie-bell,” Harry said softly. “I’ll write all the time.” She and Michael quickly threw their arms around him.

“Will you write about your lessons?” Amelia asked anxiously. She had just started to be able to slightly control her magic. If she kept going at this rate, she was going to outclass Lily.

“Sure,” Harry said with a little grin. He turned to Sirius expectantly, who only scowled, about as talented as his namesake at dealing with emotion. Harry opened his arms a little hopefully and the scowl faded a little from Sirius’ face. After a moment, the boy walked over and hugged Harry tightly around the waist.

“Uncle Sev, if Harry’s in Slytherin are you going to make him write lines?” asked Sirius gleefully.

“Only if he misbehaves,” replied Severus with a smile. Harry took a step towards him and Severus reached out and hugged the boy gently, wondering how he had gotten so big all of the sudden.

“I haven’t read anything,” Harry whispered urgently into his ear. Severus pulled back to look at the boy’s wide, guilty eyes. It was as though he had just admitted to some terrible crime.

“Oh Harry, that’s ok. No one is expecting you to have read anything yet,” Severus said, hoping to sound reassuring. “That girl you met was just - very keen.” Harry swallowed thickly and still looked uncertain.

“What if a teacher asks me something and I don’t know? I’m going to look stupid,” Harry whispered again.

“Then say you don’t know,” Severus said simply, tousling Harry’s hair. “And you are not stupid, you are very bright.”

“And I can come and see you, right? Even if I’m not in Slytherin?” Harry asked hurriedly, checking over his shoulder to make sure that no one was close enough to listen. Severus smiled and hugged Harry tightly again, starting to feel oddly sad even though he’d see the boy in a few hours.

“You can come see me whenever you want,” he said, whispering as the boy had. “I’ll always be there for you, Hare-bear.” Harry groaned a little at the nickname, but when he pulled away there was a smile on his face.

“Harry!” Ron’s voice came from the entrance to the train, and he waved animatedly at Harry to get his attention. “Come on, I got us a compartment.” Harry forced a smile and nodded.  

“Be right there!”

“Hello Professor,” Ron said with a cheeky smile to Severus. Another Weasley, thought Severus with a little shake of his head. It felt as though he spent half his life keeping Fred and George out of Filtch’s office. Vaguely he remembered the expression of misery coming in threes.

“Mr. Weasley,” Severus responded with a smirk. Ron roared with laughter and disappeared into the train. These kids were going to be trouble.

Harry turned to look at Lily and James, both of whom were regarding him with swimming eyes. The looked oddly younger to Severus for some reason.

“You’re going to have so much fun,” Lily said she forced a smile for Harry, but when they hugged, her eyes met James’ and filed with tears.  She pulled back and sniffed, taking Harry’s head in her hands.

“We love you, so, so much. Don’t ever forget that.” Harry, slightly embarrassed at the attention, blushed and shook her hands off.

“Love you too, Mom,” he muttered. A tear slid down Lily’s cheek.

Lily reluctantly released him and allowed James to step in and hug him. James squeezed Harry so tightly that for a moment Severus was worried he was about to crack one of his ribs. He kissed Harry on his head and whispered something that made the boy laugh and blink back tears at the same time.  

“You better get on the train!” James said the forced cheer in his voice not quite distracting from his swimming eyes. Harry backed towards the train still waving at them, and hopped up. Lily pressed her hand to her lips and James wrapped and arm around her and started to wave.

The whistle blew. Harry’s anxious, green eyes met Severus’. Severus gave the most reassuring smile he could in response and lifted his hand. A puff of steam blew from the train’s chimney, and it slowly started to pull away from the station.

Even though he’d be seeing the boy in only a few hours, as Harry waved back to him, it felt as though it would never be the same. James had walked a couple steps with the train, but stopped as it picked up speed. Amelia, Sirius, Grace and Michael joined the other siblings in chasing the train until it turned out of the station, leaving a dull emptiness in its wake.

Severus walked the few steps up to James whose hand was still raised half-heartedly, while his other arm was wrapped around Lily who was crying quietly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep an eye on him,” Severus said, placing a hand on James’ shoulder.  They turned to him, and Severus stepped back in shock. Their faces were different. They were about ten years younger. Lily was wearing the housecoat and pyjamas she had worn that terrible night when Voldemort had almost killed her. James’ face was unlined and pale. Both of their eyes were filled with tears.

Severus looked over his shoulder at the rest of the platform, but everything was white. The children, Pauline, they had all disappeared. Panic quickly rose through him as he stared back at the young Potters in horror.

Disturbing memories suddenly started to mix in with everything he knew to be true. Lily’s cold, dead body, Harry screaming his lungs out, the years of self-imposed exile and the thin, bespeckled boy, James’ twin, that had nervously walked across the Great Hall months ago. A little boy that was so different, yet so similar, to the Harry that had just boarded the train.

The Ghangzhou. Severus felt as though he had just been shot in the stomach. None of it was real.

“It’s time to go,” Lily said gently, touching his face. The edges of her fingers were fuzzy. The vision was ending.

“It’s going to be ok,” James said reassuringly, although he had tears in his eyes. He looked so young that he looked more like Harry than himself. It was enough to make Severus’ head spin.

He hadn’t realized how much joy and love he was carrying with him until it started to sluff of him like dead skin cells. The feeling of contentment he had taken for granted for years was disappearing, leaving him as raw and exposed as he was at 21.

“I - I don’t want to go,” Severus breathed. The fake James and Lily, the ones he thought he had spent ten years of his life with, would never send him back, not if they knew the hell that was waiting for him.

“Please I have - there’s nothing,” he whispered. His voice cracked terribly, and James and Lily’s foreheads were both creased in sympathy that would usually make his skin crawl. At the moment he willing to capitalize on it, to beg, to do anything not to go back.

“Please,” he whispered again, but they were already starting to fade into white.

“That’s not true,” Lily said gently. “Harry is there, and he needs you so badly. and you need him. You’re both hurting” Severus was already sinking to his knees feeling faint with disbelief.

“You can’t just leave me,” he whispered numbly. He knew he sounded pathetic, and he wasn’t sure if he was speaking to ghosts, the Ghangzou vision or a dream, but he didn’t care.

“We would never leave you. We’ll still be there,” James said gently, but when Severus looked up at him, he was blending into the all encompassing white background so much so that Severus could barely see him.

“Always,” Lily whispered. All he could make out of Lily were her wet, brilliant green eyes and long red-hair, and he shut his eyes, unable to force himself to see them disappear.

Severus blinked, confused and looked desperately around his room. The station was no longer surrounding him. He was in a cold, stone dungeon, looking at a half-drunk bottle of fire-whiskey and a weary Dumbledore. He remembered. It was just a dream, a stupid dream, that was so fucking real. He looked at his watch. 2 AM. Only three hours had passed. He could barely breathe.

“Severus,” Dumbledore said softly. There was a buzzing in his ears, and Severus couldn’t even look at the old man. Everything was just gone. Lily and James were long dead, the children, with the exception of Harry, did not exist. He couldn’t even think about Pauline and Michael  without wanting to cry or vomit or both.  He had lost an entire way of life. There was only a gapping loneliness where the love of eight people had once been.

“Why would you do that?” Severus spat out, his hands shaking. “Are you trying to drive me insane?”

“No, I didn’t show you that to be cruel, Severus,” said Dumbledore after Severus hurriedly wiped the moisture off of his face. “When are deepest desires are unobtainable, it useless to dwell on them, but when they are obtainable, we must be open to it. I wanted you to see that you can forgive, be forgiven, be happy and live a life of extraordinary depth and meaning, and be completely, unconditionally loved.” Severus snorted. Any idea of that sort had long since been abandoned.

A hand settled on Severus shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He hadn’t cried in years. Since the night that Lily had died in fact. He certainly was not going to do so in front of Dumbledore.

“You aren’t alone,” Dumbledore said softly, causing Severus’ heart to contract painfully. He moved his hands up to press the heel of his hands to his eyes. Before Severus could resist, Dumbledore pulled Severus into a hug. Although Severus has been hugged an obscene amount in his fake life, by James Potter no less, he still was not used to it in reality and stiffened when Dumbledore pulled him close. Still, he didn’t pull away.

Dumbledore reached up and squeezed the base of Severus’ neck in a way that reminded him of his mother when he was a small boy. His eyes burned more frantically then spilled over with tears. He let out a few stifled, choked sobs and Dumbledore held him firmly. There was enough of the dream Severus swirling around his mind he was able to endure the contract for a few moments longer than necessary before he pulled away and looked down, embarrassed .

“And as much as you lost Severus, you and Harry still have each other,” said Dumbledore  pointedly. Severus looked sharply at the man.

“Headmaster - ”

“You loved that little boy, and he loved you, didn’t he?” asked Dumbledore serenely. With annoying accuracy, Severus was able to remember Harry looking up at him like he was a God, running to him when he was hurt or scared, full of trust. And as Severus had said to Harry seemingly years ago in Dreamland. He remembered the exact way his heart had flip-flopped when Harry had fallen asleep in his lap for the first time.

“I’m not that man,” Severus said, surprised he felt more than a little bitter about the truth of that statement.

“Ghangzou venom does not change out capacity for love, Severus,” said Dumbledore. “You have a very big heart Severus, even if it is largely unoccupied.” Severus snorted at that.

“At the very least, I hope than when you look at Harry’s face and see James, you are reminded of an old friend, not an old enemy,” said Dumbledore getting to his feet. “Harry has so little love in his life, Severus. If you can remedy that, you should, for both your sakes.”

“I do not love the boy, Dumbledore,” Severus said, finally finding some secure footing. As he said it, he felt a swooping guilt towards the four-year-old whose nightmares he soothed and to the parents who had made him Harry’s godparent. “All I said, it was under completely different circumstances.”

Dumbledore shrugged and looked across at Severus.

“Fate changed only one thing, Severus. That you got the Potters out alive. Everything else that occurred, the love you felt, that came from your own heart.” Severus wasn’t listening to the wisdom anymore. He leaned forward and grabbed Dumbledore’s arm.

“Dumbledore, it wasn’t just me who got the Potter’s out. It was Black. He wasn’t their Secret-Keeper. Pettigrew was. Black - Black is innocent,” said Severus hurriedly. The colour and joviality drained from Dumbledore’s face.

“Are you quite certain?”

“Yes, Sirius found out that Pettigrew was the spy. Potter’s second son was named Sirius,” said Snape, suddenly feeling desperately sad that the boy never existed in reality. He shook the thought off as soon as it came. Dumbledore looked down at his watch urgently.

“It’s past-midnight. I’ll write Azkaban first thing in the morning,” said Dumbledore, getting out of his chair. “And you must rest Severus. I’ll send a house-elf with your breakfast tomorrow. A lie-in will do you good.”

The idea of resting didn’t do Severus any good. Days later, he sat in his dark room with three fingers filled with whiskey. Ever since he had returned from the Ghangzou vision,  sleeping was agony. Every time he closed his eyes, he dreamed he was back in the other world with his family. When he woke-up alone, in the bedroom that he expected to be painted lavender and gray, and saw the stone, bare walls, he felt as though someone was straining his heart through a sieve.

Whatever Severus was feeling, Harry clearly was feeling it to. The boy no longer took part in any of the holiday festivities, and as far as Severus could tell, he didn’t even leave the Gryffindor common room except for meals. During those meals he would just sit alone at the end of the table, sullenly push his food around his plate for a few moments, take a few bites and leave.

Minerva and Dumbledore talked in worried tones about it all through dinner, quieting whenever he came, but tonight Severus was not watching the miserable little boy eat. He was watching another student. Jason Klien was sitting at the Slytherin table, his head buried in a Potions journal.

Severus tried to never think about the fantasy world or make comparisons, but he was completely  incapable of not comparing this Jason with the bright, happy Head Boy he had dreamed about. Real Jason was kind and intelligent, but shy and and uncertain. He had few friends and no one would have seriously considered him as a candidate for Head Boy. In a way, he reminded Severus of himself as a child, which is why he was so fond of him in both worlds. He also likely had a father beating the crap out of him.

The Ghangzou had only changed one thing, Lily getting out of the house alive, and that had clearly snowballed to change many things, including the type of teacher Severus was. Teaching had always been a thing to do while Severus waited for Voldemort’s return. He did it well enough, enjoyed the use of Hogwarts’ resources to do his own research, and found it a tolerable profession. Far better than stacking beetle eyes at the apothecary anyways.  

Still, he had never really considered it an impactful career choice. He never considered that he could shape the way a child felt about himself until he saw Jason scribbling notes into the side of his potions magazine. Somehow, he had been able to make Jason see something inside of himself that allowed him to be confident and outgoing, the fact that he hadn’t done that now made Severus feel guilty and wonder how many other Slytherins had slipped through the cracks.

“Klien,” called Severus when the boy stood up to leave. He almost jumped in shock and approached the staff table apprehensively. None of the other teachers were paying attention. Everyone called their students up from time-to-time to remind them of a detention or discuss a house matter.

“Sir?” the boy asked politely as he approached.

“You’re a fair flyer if I remember correctly?” asked Severus. In the Ghangzou world, he was one of the stars of the Quidditch team. Jason nodded, his forehead wrinkling in confusion.

“I’m alright, sir,” he replied.

“I want you to keep an eye on Harry Potter for me, maybe take him out to the Quidditch pitch, have some fun,” Severus said with distaste.

“You want me to take Harry Potter flying?” Jason asked, not even attempting to hide his incredulity anymore. “Sir, he’s a Gryffindor. And you don’t even like -”

“I am helping out a colleague and am asking you as a personal favour,” said Severus silkily. “Mr. Potter is a young student. As there are no older Gryffindors to do so, I would like you to keep an eye on him.” His students knew there was no point in arguing with him, and Jason just gave a skeptical sort of shrug, and went off to follow Harry.

The next day, he was pulled out of preparing his syllabus but the sound of the common room door slamming shout and torrents of laughter.

“That was unbelievable,” Jason said.

“I know, I thought you were going to break something for sure. Your eye doesn’t look so bad though,” commented Sandra, a third-year Slytherin. Severus frowned at that. If an eye didn’t look so bad, something still happened to it.

He strode purposefully over to his door and swung it open.

Harry was sitting on the couch, laughing with Sandra and Jason. They were all wearing Quidditch robes, covered in mud, and Harry had a dark, black eye. When Severus came in, they all looked up and stared at him in fear.

It was the first time Severus and Harry had made eye contact since the Ghangzou, and the boy blushed a deep red and looked to the ground.

“What did you do to your eye?” asked Severus.

“Just a flying accident, sir,” muttered Harry. It was weird that the last interaction he remembered with Harry was tearfully hugging him goodbye for school.

“Well - go to the hospital wing,” grumbled Severus. Eager to leave, Harry hopped to his feet to run out the door. As he did so, the door opened from the opposite direction to reveal Dumbledore, with a rare look of genuine surprise on his face.

“Hello Harry,” said Dumbledore.

“Good afternoon, sir,” Harry said, still to embarrassed to stop. Dumbledore watched him run by, then turned a pleasant smile to Severus.

“May I talk to you for a moment,” asked Dumbledore. Feeling embarrassed as well, Severus just nodded quickly and motioned to his office.  

“Severus, I need to ask you a favour,” said Dumbledore the moment Severus closed the door. He leaned against the door and crossed his arms. Long experience had taught him to be careful with agreeing to do favours for Dumbledore.

“I would like you to go to London,” continued Dumbledore, ignoring the look on Severus’ face.

“Why?” Severus asked suspiciously.

“I have convinced the Wizenmagot to rehear - or rather hear - the case against Sirius Black tomorrow. Although the have you Pensieved memories, the Wizenmagot may with to speak with you,” said Dumbledore, pouring himself a healthy glass of pumpkin juice. Severus sighed and grunted in ascent.

“Fine.”

“I also want you to take Harry,” added Dumbledore, with a tone that suggested he wasn’t asking any thing more of Severus than to take out the trash.

“No,” Severus said, turning back to his food.

“Severus, the boy could use a trip out of the castle,” said Dumbledore gently. “The Wizenmagot may want to hear from him as well.” Severus crossed his arms and scowled at his mentor. Dumbledore returned the looking with a patient smile. At that look Severus knew there was no way he was going to get out of taking Potter to London.

“What am I supposed to do with him while we wait?” snapped Severus.

“Oh I’m sure you’ll think of something,” responded Dumbledore.

XX

Soon after the sun had risen, Severus collected Potter from the Great Hall and they trudged down the road to the gate, the silence punctuated only by Potter’s heaving breaths. Severus figured the silence was best.

He was trying to pretend that Harry didn’t exist, which was a lot harder when the boy was walking right beside him. Still he couldn’t help but notice how different this Harry was. His glasses were over-sized, and although his school robes were new, the jeans and sweater he wore were patched and old, the coat he wore was not nearly warm enough for the weather, and his gloves and hat clashed. Neither James nor Lily would have allowed the boy to walk around like this. He would have been dressed well and warmly and would be wearing proper glasses, just like any child who was loved and well taken care of. Then again, Sirius Black would also be dead and they wouldn’t be going to his trial, and Harry probably would be happy to have Severus’ undivided attention instead of wary. God this was weird.

“Sir, where are we going?” asked Potter as they neared the gate, mercifully giving Severus a distraction from his own mind.

“London,” replied Severus shortly.

“I know, but where is the Ministry of Magic in London? I mean, how can they hide it?” asked Potter again, running a few steps to come beside Severus. The boy looked up him with such a earnest expression, the same one that Severus’ Muggle-born students gave him, that Severus couldn’t summon an angry retort.

“It’s underground. Grab my arm.”

They landed hard outside of the London telephone box that marked the entrance to the Ministry of Magic.  Severus held open the door to the telephone box and motioned the boy in. Potter gave him a long, skeptical look then obeyed. Severus squeezed himself in after Potter, who looked decidedly uncomfortable with the tightness of their quarters.

“Welcome to the Ministry of Magic, please state your name and business,” a light, feminine voice said cooly.

“Severus Snape and Harry Potter, for Sirius Black’s trial,” Severus said into the receiver.

“Please take you badge and submit your wand for identification,” said the voice. The lift lowered itself into the ground, and Potter pressed himself to the glass walls of the telephone booth.

“WOW!” said Potter as the lift hit the ground and opened to reveal the lobby of the Ministry. Severus looked at the high ceiling, large fountain and bustling groups of important looking people, trying to imagine what it looked like from Harry’s perspective. The boy turned and gave him a wide, open grin, seemingly so overwhelmed with the Ministry’s impressiveness that he forgot who he was grinning at. Severus fought the urge to smile back.

“It is rather impressive isn’t it, Harry?” Both Harry and Severus looked up at the sound of Dumbledore’s voice. The older wizard was dressed in resplendent plum robes and was regarding both Harry and Severus with a kind smile.

 “Come alone, both of you,” Dumbledore said, leading them past the wand inspection with a nod to the security guard. They walked down a long spiral staircase with a plush red carpet that seemed to move like grass in the wind. At the bottom, a large group of reporters and officials milled around the entrance to the largest courtroom.

“Well, Severus, Harry, I have to go on in now. You may be needed in about four or five hours,” said Dumbledore cheerily.

“Four or Five hours?!” sputtered Severus indignantly. “You told me to leave at the break of dawn.”

“Well, better early than late, right Severus?” Dumbledore said with a twinkle of his eye. “I’m sure you can find something to do. There is a lovely cafe on the second floor that I believe you’ll enjoy immensely.” With that, Dumbledore sashayed into the courtroom leaving Harry staring up at Severus.

After making Potter sit silently in a chair outside the courtroom for a two hours, Severus reluctantly realized he needed to feed the boy.

“Come on, Potter,” he said following the signs for the Ministry of Magic Deli. As always, Potter followed without a word of complaint.

The little delicatessen near the Ministry of Magic was cozy, filled with mis-matched fabric chairs and small, round wooden tables. Potter looked at him uncertainly as they entered. A large display of pies and cakes stood at the front window, and Severus saw Potter eye them appreciatively as they walked in and made their way to a table at the back.

“Sir?” Potter asked in confusion as Severus started to make their way through the restaurant.

“You need food,” Severus said, sitting down at a table. A waitress placed two menus in front them with a cheery smile.

“Shepard’s Pie,” said Severus shortly.

“Bangers and mash, please,” added Harry quickly, looking at Severus as though he was worried he might anger the man. The waitress’ smile faded slightly, but she nodded and skipped away with the menus. The silence between them was more awkward and acute now that they were sitting at a table across from one another, and Severus felt himself considering engaging the boy in casual conversation.

Instead, a discarded copy of the Daily Prophet sitting on the table beside them caught his eye, and he picked it up and started to read. Potter didn’t say anything and Severus almost forgot the boy was there until the waitress arrived 20 minutes later with their food. When they were left alone again, Potter looked at him for a moment, then slowly started to eat.

“Professor, may I ask you something?” Potter asked hesitantly after a few silent bites. Snape felt his stomach churn uncomfortably, and the look on his face made Potter pale and look back down to his lunch.

“You may. Whether or not I answer is another matter,” Severus replied after a moment, sincerely hoping that he would not regret his answer.

“Yes, sir. Of course,” said Potter with that annoyingly endearing earnestness. “It’s just - Professor why - why did my parent’s being alive change your life so much. Were you friends - before they…” Severus stared hard at the boy, wondering how he could possibly think that was a question that would be answered. Potter blushed and looked back down to his plate of food.

“I’m sorry, sir. It’s not my place,” muttered Harry. Hardly able to breathe, Severus continued to stare Harry who was studiously avoided looking up. Dumbledore was right. When Severus dared to look at Harry, he didn’t see an arrogant, pampered teenager. He saw a small, boy who was so distraught at realizing his parents were not real that he had cried in a hated Professor’s arms, but who still had the strength to follow through on stabbing himself.

Even though he knew his memories weren’t real, Severus grudgingly knew that the side of James he had seen was real, and he felt as though he had lost a friend. Now when he looked at Harry’s face he saw as much warmth and kindness in James’ smile as he did in Lily’s eyes.

“We knew each other,” Severus said simply, pulling himself back to reality. Potter’s eyes flashed up from his plate and he stared at Severus urging him to go on. “Your mother and I were friends. Your father and I were on the same side in the first war.” Severus continued, feeling that it would be a betrayal to the Ghangzou James to disparage the real one in front of Harry.

“And it was my fault they died,” whispered Potter softly. “That’s why you hate me so much.” He looked as though he had just solved an extremely difficult puzzle and stared back at Severus with no malice or hatred, just understanding and a little sadness. Then he swallowed hard and looked back down to his plate.

Severus felt absolutely paralyzed. He never wanted to make the boy feel responsible for his parents’ deaths, not when he hated the the boy and certainly not now when his emotions were continually pulled towards actually liking the child. Still, he had no idea what to say.

“Potter…no…” Severus started awkwardly. Harry refused to look up from his plate. There was a deep discomfort in Severus’ gut as he searched for the words to say. It was laughable to him that there was a world where he might have the capacity to deal with this sort of situation. He thought back to the Ghangzou and how important it had been to him to comfort Harry that night, how easy it was to find the right words to say to the boy.

“Potter, it is not you fault that your parents died. You were an infant,” Severus said, trying to inject a thread of reasonableness into the conversation. Unfortunately, Potter was only 11, and was already having a miserable Christmas, reasonable words weren’t enough. Severus heard a small sniffle and felt utterly horrible.

“Look at me, Potter,” Severus said with a much gentleness as he could muster. The boy quickly wiped at his cheeks and raised his head. His eyes were slightly rimmed with red and his jaw quivered slightly, but there was a defiant set to his face that Severus couldn’t help but admire.

“I saw your parents when I looked at you, and I suppose I found that very hard,” Severus said in that same gentle voice that sounded so weird to his ears. “But I never thought anything that happened was your fault. You are not to blame.” Harry stared hard at Severus for a long moment, as though searching for deception. Another tear slid down the boy’s face, and he brushed it away irritably with his hand.

“Do you want a piece of cake?” asked Severus, sweets often worked on the Slytherins when they cried. It was pretty much the only form of comfort he was capable of providing. Potter blinked those big green eyes up at him in confusion then laughed a little bit.

“I’m sorry sir, it’s just I’ve never imagined you’d offer me a piece of cake,” He said with a brave attempt at a laugh. Then his face fell again, and he looked back down to his plate.

“I’m sorry I brought us back,” Harry whispered, barely loud enough for Severus to hear. Again, Severus’ stomach clenched uncomfortably with pity. Losing that fake life had almost broken Severus’ heart. Getting up the last few mornings had been nearly a Herculean feat given how lethargic and depressed he felt. This vengeful solitary existence he led now felt futile and wrong, and he had never hated himself more. He felt all this, and he was a grown man. Potter was just a child who just had everything he had ever wanted ripped from him unceremoniously after being left alone over Christmas.

“Oh Potter,” Severus sighed, sliding his chair towards the child who was trying valiantly not to cry. “It wasn’t real.” Feeling a tinge awkward, Severus scanned the crowd at the diner. A few of the other patrons had started to notice the upset boy.

Feeling suddenly protective, Severus reached out and pulled the boy towards him as though to hide him from any potential on-lookers. Unlike most children his age, Harry cried completely silently, and Severus could only tell the boy was breaking down because of the way his shoulders shook.

Severus didn’t really know what to do, so he tapped the boy’s back awkwardly and sat in silence, hoping his discomfort wouldn’t radiate to Potter.  With no small amount of frustration, he remembered that, at one point, he did know what to do with the small weight on his chest. He was a favourite Uncle, a Father that was way better than his had ever been, a good friend who had looked his two best friends in the eye and promised to take care of their child if anything happened to them. He had somehow managed to become a worthy person and he would figure out how to do it again, even without James and Lily.

“It’s going to be ok, Harry,” whispered Severus. It wasn’t a platitude. It was a promise. A responsibility. Harry pulled away and smiled weakly up at Severus. It wasn’t the glowing trust and admiration of the Ghangzou Harry, but it was a start.

“What do you say to a fresh start?” Snape whispered, reaching forward and pushing a tear off of Harry’s face. With the simple innocence of a child, Harry’s entire face brightened, and he nodded. Even though he hated himself for it, Severus was secretly grateful for whatever it was that made Harry desperate enough for affection that he was willing to disregard four months worth of degradation.

All the sudden, Harry’s expression changed. He was looking past Severus with a gaping mouth. With a frown, Severus turned around slowly. Pauline stood behind the counter, cutting a large chocolate cake into slices, looking almost as exactly as she did in Severus’ dreams. He blinked a few times incredulously.

“You have to go talk to her!” Potter said, adopting a gravity that suggested this was a matter of national security.

“Potter, don’t be ridiculous,” snapped Snape as he turned his back on the image of Pauline. His heart hammered loudly against his eardrums. The shock of seeing Pauline was so much that he barely registered that yelling at Potter to not be ridiculous was probably not the fresh start the boy was hoping for.

“You said I could have cake,” Potter said crossing his arms and smiling impishly. “I want a slice of the cake she’s cutting…please, sir.” The boy was truly like his father. Any resistance was futile. He thew another look over his shoulder at Pauline, who had bent over to inspect the size of the cake slices she cut, giving Severus a very appealing view of her chest. He whipped back around and scowled at Harry.

“I’m not going to go ask a woman on a date while I’m out with a student. That is completely inappropriate,” Severus hissed at Harry leaning forward. The boy put his elbows on the table and leaned forward as well.

“I never said anything about a date, sir. I just want some cake.” He gave Severus a smile that was way too self-satisfied to bode well. “Go on, she’s leaving.” Despite his posturing, and his honest belief that it was not appropriate to pick up women while babysitting students, the thought of not speaking to her when she was right there in front of him was unbearable. He rose from the table and walked over to the counter without a further conscious thought.

In an instant, she was a mere foot from him, separated only by the thin glass of the display case. There was no magic for Pauline though, who had yet to look up from the perfect cake she was slicing. Awkwardly, he cleared his throat.

“Hello,” his voice came out somewhat squeakier than he would have hoped.

“You have to place your order at the front,” said Pauline without actually looking up. Without thinking, Severus threw a desperate glance back at Potter, before realizing that the child’s wingman abilities were likely not honed at age 11. The boy flashed him an encouraging smile and nodded back to the counter.

“See, the thing is I need a slice of that cake right there,” said Severus, not quite able to exude the effortless confidence required for such an approach. This you dumb bastard, is why Lily wound up with James. At this, she looked up from the cake, her golden eyes narrowed. He found that his thoughts weren’t quite as coherent as they were moments ago.

“It’s a bit of a desperate situation, really,” Severus said, not feeling the least bit guilty he was channeling as much of James as he possibly could. “See that little boy over there really wants a piece of that cake, and I’m afraid if I wait in line, everyone will see how good it looks at it will all be gone.” Pauline’s eyes flicked to the line where only three people waited.

“There are only three people in line,” she commented dryly.

“I’m a very cautious man,” replied Severus. The barest quirk of her lip encouraged him to continue. “I’m afraid he’s had a bad day, and I can’t risk making it worse. Personally, I prefer Peppermint Cheesecake to uh - Orange Chocolate.”

“Peppermint, really?” she said cocking her head at him. He nodded and she looked him over, considering.

“I suppose I can see it,” she said after a moment. She pursed her lips and spooned a piece of cake on to the plate. Their hands grazed as she passed it over.

“Thank you -” Severus said trailing off to allow her to give him her name.

“Pauline,”  she added after a moment’s hesitation. A grin spread across his face without any warning, and he quickly rained it back in.

“Severus,” he replied. With nothing left to say, he turned back to Potter.

“We have Peppermint Cheesecake the day after Christmas,” said Pauline, causing Severus to turn around. She was half-smiling at him, the way she did when she knew she was being cute. With great effort, Severus sat on the urge to grin and merely inclined his head.

“I guess I’ll see you then.”

Harry was grinning with insufferable self-satisfaction when Severus made his way back to the table and Severus dumped the cake in front of the boy, trying to look put-upon.

“Did you ask her on a date?”

“That’s none of your business. Eat your cake.” grunted Severus. Potter’s enthusiasm was barely dampened.

“She’s really pretty,” whispered Harry conspiratorially. Severus was about to rebuke the boy again for be impudent, but the boy’s good mood was infectious. The stern look that was supposed to end up on Severus’ face ended up as a kind of smirk. Harry giggled and took a large bite of his cake.

“And she makes good cake!” added Harry as though that should deal with any possible reservation Severus might have had. The boy had been picking at his food the last few days and it was good to see him whole-heartedly digging into the cake, even if it was pure sugar. Severus grabbed a fork, reached over and took a bite of the cake. It was dense, moist and fantastically zesty. Harry read the verdict on his Professor’s face and pushed the cake into the centre of the table with a smile that Severus gladly returned.

In that moment, Severus truly felt that he could do it. Free Potter of that horrible home, raise him, love him as dearly as his own. It didn’t matter that the promise he had made to James and Lily had been in a weird Dreamworld under different circumstances, he still found that he felt responsible. Worse, he found that the responsibility he felt made him feel more whole and satisfied than anything had in a long time.

“Cleared of all charges, rather quickly too,” Severus jumped guiltily at the sound of Dumbledore’s voice, as though the man had heard his thoughts. Dumbledore stood at the entrance, his eyes twinkling happily, but Severus’ eyes were drawn to the man beside him. Sirius Black, looking much leaner, older and more haunted than Severus remembered. His chocolate coloured robes and green sweater were new and his face and shoulder length hair were clean, but somehow he still looked unkempt and ragged from his years in Azkaban. Despite this, his eyes were hungrily focused on Harry, like the boy was a famous painting he would never be able to see again.

“Harry, this is your Godfather, Sirius Black,” said Dumbledore gently. The anxiety was clear on Harry’s face and Severus couldn’t help but wonder if the boy was anxious to give a good impression or simply anxious at the less than savoury look of Black.

“Hello uhm -Godfather,” said Harry quietly. He got wiped his hand on his robes and held a hand out formally to Sirius. Sirius’ eyes crinkled with amusement, and his face broke out into a more relaxed smile as he shook Potter’s hand. The effect instantly made the man look more approachable.

“Just Sirius is fine,” Sirius said gently, his eyes still roaming over Harry’s face.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never had a Godfather before,” Potter explained, abashed.

“You did, when you were very little,” replied Sirius, a little sadly, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “You couldn’t quite figure out what to call me then either, you had a bit of trouble with your r’s.” The memory made Sirius swallow down something that looked suspiciously like tears.

“Look at you. My God, you’ve grown so,” whispered Sirius, reaching out a hand to touch Harry’s cheek, as if to see whether or not he was real, then retracting it before it made contact. He clearly was concerned about spooking Harry, but he needn’t have been. Harry was looking at Sirius just as hungrily, as though every single one of his dreams had just come true. Abruptly, Severus realized that it likely had.

 “With the Ghangzou, my parents - they named my little brother Sirius, that was after you, wasn't it?” Harry asked urgently, as though hardly daring to believe it was true. A deep foolish feeling came over Severus. Even in the Ghangzou world, James and Lily would have chosen Sirius as their son’s guardian if they had the option. With him alive, Severus was just superfluous. An appendix on Potter’s family. He hated how depressed that made him.

“I suppose it was,” Sirius whispered, tears filling eyes at the thought. “It’s good to know I  did right by them in at least one life.” Harry didn’t know what to say to that, but he didn’t need to say anything. Sirius took a deep breath, apparently steadying himself.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around when you were little,” said Sirius, crouching to be at Harry’s eyeline. “But I’d really like to be around now, if you’d let me.” This simple speech made Severus’ stupid starting fresh thing seem horrifically lame and it had completely stunned Harry into silence.

“Do you mean live with you?” whispered Harry, not daring to believe what was happening to him. It sounded disbelieving in an incredulous way and Sirius quickly raised his hands, as though he was being accused of something.

“I expect you’d want to stay with your Aunt and Uncle, and I completely - ”

“No, I don’t. Really, I don’t.” cut in Potter, sounding as anxious as Sirius had been. Sirius’ eyes flickered momentarily to Dumbledore, knowing, as did Severus, that that was not a typical reaction. Sirius hesitated a moment, like he was worried that touching Potter would somehow soil the boy, then took the boy’s hands in his.

“We’re family. You’ll always have a home with me, Harry,” said Sirius, easily summoning the words that Severus was unable to say. Severus did not get a chance to observe the boy’s face because he immediately threw himself into his Godfather’s arms.  The hug startled Sirius, who probably hadn’t been hugged since before Azkaban. For a moment. Sirius allowed his arms to hang at his side then, remembering what to do he wrapped them cautiously around Potter, blinking back tears. Harry was gripping Sirius tightly and after a moment Sirius too gripped Harry back hard, tears running down his face. After a few moments, they pulled apart.

“If it’s alright with Dumbledore, you could spend Christmas with me. My parent’s have an old flat in Hogsmeade that should be relatively livable. It won’t be as impressive as Hogwarts though.” Harry grinned and looked back pleadingly at Dumbledore who smiled down at the boy.

“I could not have thought up a more fantastic idea myself,” replied Dumbledore.

"Hello Professor Dumbledore. Your usual?" asked Pauline. 

"Not today, Polly. Thank you," Dumbledore said. Severus' stomach dropped, and he turned to glare at Dumbledore who smiled back calmly. 

The shock of the revelation that Dumbledore knew Pauline, and the jealously he felt when he looked at Black was enough to make Severus’ head split. He quietly went to the counter to pay for the meal, making sure Pauline had returned to the back so he wouldn’t have to talk to her.

“Thank you, for what you did,” said Sirius’ voice from behind him, breaking Severus' train of thought.

“Trust me, it wasn’t personal,” grumbled Severus as he collected his receipt and put it in his pocket. Sirius laughed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Ah well, I know how you feel about me. You could have kept your mouth shut and didn’t. I appreciate that.” Severus crossed his arms and looked sourly at Sirius.

“You could have spoken to Dumbledore at any point. One word from you and he would have found the truth and released you.” Sirius’ eyes widened and he checked over his shoulder to where Harry was putting on a winter cloak out of earshot.

“Dumbledore insisted Harry be given to Petunia, my friends were dead because of me. I had nothing to live for,” Sirius admitted quietly, saying more than Severus expected.

“You abandoned him for vengeance,” Severus snarled, surprised at how angry he was getting. Sirius blinked a few times at the ceiling.

“I had no right to love that boy after I got his parents killed,” whispered Sirius. “I thought he’d be better off without me in his life.” Severus felt an uncomfortable burst of empathy for the man standing across from him and looked away.

“If you don’t follow through on every promise you just made that boy…” Severus trailed off moodily, barely registering the change in Sirius’ expression.  

“You can be part of this family too, Severus,” Sirius said in a soft, hesitant voice. Severus looked at him sharply.

“And what makes you think I’d want to do that?” snapped Severus crossing his arms in front of his chest.  

“Because of Harry,” said Sirius “And because in a different world, we would have become very good friends. I think you know that’s true.” Severus narrowed his eyes, but conceded the point with a slight, involuntary twitch of his head.

“Maybe it’s not too late for us in this world,” Sirius offered with a faint smile. Before Severus could respond, Harry approached them. With an ease Severus could never manage, Sirius wrapped an arm around the boy.

 “You’re ready to go then?” He asked. Harry nodded eagerly, still looking up at his Godfather as though he was the second coming.

“Alright. Well Severus, you’re more than welcome to join us for Christmas. Thank you again,” Sirius said, holding his hand out. Severus regarded the scarred, tattooed hand skeptically for a moment then shook it firmly. A broad, satisfied smile spread over Sirius’ face, as they dropped hands. Severus turned away from Harry and Sirius and started to walk away.

“Professor!” called Harry, almost desperately causing Severus to whip around. Before he could figure out what was happening, a small blur of black hair launched itself at his stomach. On pure instinct, Severus caught the boy, placing a hand on his hair.

“Merry Christmas, sir!”

“Happy Christmas, Potter.” Severus replied, patting the black hair awkwardly. Sirius was watching the scene with an oddly gentle expression. When Sirius caught his eye, he gave him a knowing smile.

“We’ll be having Christmas dinner at 7,” he said. Harry pulled out of the hug and looked up at his Professor.

“Will you come?” asked Harry. From the wide, imploring expression on the child’s face, Severus could tell that the boy actually wanted him to come. From as far back as Severus could remember, no one ever wanted to spend Christmas with him. The fact that Harry did made him feel embarrassingly warm and fuzzy. Sirius gave him an encouraging look.

“Fine. Yes, I’ll come.”