Neville Longbottom was shivering so hard during Potions that Hermione feared all his teeth would break. The chattering of his jaw as it connected around thirty time a second was even beginning to set Ron on edge as he tried to stir the contents in his cauldron the same way Snape had demonstrated. Neville continued to shake as he attempted to drop the Mersalt into the mixture.

“Neville,” Hermione whispered from the corner of her mouth. “You’re adding too much. Just a dash, not a handful.”

“Sss-ss-oo-r-rrr-y,” came the frightened young boy’s reply. Hermione could understand his fear well. She would probably be shaking as well if Snape had threatened to flunk her for one more botched brew. Just as she thought his name, Snape’s head snapped up from the desk.

“If you are assisting Longbottom in any way Miss Granger, it will be a failing grade for you as well.” His lip curved slowly upwards into a menacing sneer. “I would absolutely hate to be the one to give your first F.”

By the tone in his voice Hermione very much doubted that. In fact, he would probably relish an ability to prove that little-miss-know-it-all didn’t know everything. Tightening her lips to keep her dark curses to herself, she returned to stirring the aging potion.

Ron however didn’t share her common sense. “Greasy git,” he murmured to Harry. “Just wants to watch Hermione lose her place in line for Head Girl. So some Slytherin can claim it.” Harry nodded his agreement.

“Not that there is a Slytherin-”

“Mr. Potter?” Snape hissed from behind Harry’s shoulder. Only one table away, Neville began to shake even worse.

“Yes Professor?” Harry didn’t glance back, just continued to chop up the baby Eels.

“Don’t let me interrupt your little conversation.” His voice was deceptively soft, a tactic Harry had learned meant the trap was closing fast on his ankle.

“I think you already did, Sir.”

Neville was so shocked he dropped the entire tray of Eels into his potion. Unfortunately this went unnoticed by Snape. No one in the class noticed either- an eerie silence interrupted only by the light bubbling of cauldrons had floated over the room. If a snitch flew past the window it would be heard.

Snape’s mouth tightened, causing the edge of his eyes to narrow until only black slits peered down at Harry over his crooked nose. “Very cute Mr. Potter. Your powers of observation are simply astounding. Tell me, because I’m sure everyone here would like to know, what were you about to say regarding my House?”

During his response, Snape’s face had steadily grown closer to Harry’s until the Professor was slightly bent over and nose to nose with him. Harry could feel Snape’s breath hissing against his face, and wanted nothing more than to turn away and stick his head into a pen of Blast-ended Skrewts. Instead, he gazed back defiantly. “I was about to say that your house couldn’t produce a Head Girl even if Rowena Ravenclaw was alive today and sitting under a Slytherin’s banner.”

Snape’s eyelids twitched. No one dared to breath, not even Malfoy and his two shadows. Snape slowly pulled away from Harry, but continued to throw hexes with his twin black eyes. “Hmm,” was the first sound to leave his mouth. And then, “As opposed to a glory-seeking, loose cannon, such as yourself? Someone who paints a bulls-eye on his back and tramps around in front of Voldemort any opportunity he can grab? An honor bound Gryffindor who shielded himself with a Hufflepuff’s body, and under the guise of fair play no less? Fifty points from Gryffindor Mr. Potter for-just-being-you.”

Snape turned on his heel and began to walk away when what would be known as one of the greatest disasters in Snape’s potions class struck. Harry, blinded by the fury that Snape had produced when he insinuated in front of the entire class that he had purposely sacrificed Cedric, leapt from the spot he was standing at before Ron could react and grab him. He flew towards Snape like a bat out of hell- and collided just as the Potions Master was nearing Longbottom’s table.

Surprised by the sudden weight of the fifteen year-old boy jumping onto his back, Snape stumbled forward and fell onto the cauldron where Neville’s botched aging potion was brewing violently. It tilted as soon as Snape’s chest collided with it and the contents poured all over the Professor’s black robes.

It dripped down Snape- purple and thick as gel. He bit out a cry of shock when the scalding potion met his skin. Almost as suddenly it cooled to his own body temperature... and then the most extraordinary thing happened.

Snape started shrinking.

Harry, Neville, Hermione, and Ron watched with growing horror as the tall, gangly Potions Master grew an inch shorter every second. It was as if someone was twisting a time-turner a hundred times. His face began to fill in and grow rounder, his narrow and hawk like eyes also grew to the size of chestnuts. His hands and fingers- normally long and elegant- began to shorten and bulge out. His back twisted and then he began to shorten, sinking closer to the floor with each passing instance.

The great billowing robes engulfed his body slowly covering his hands. Soon only his head-- now tall as the table-- was the only thing visible. And in the moment after that it too disappeared within the folds. The lump which remained grew smaller and smaller until finally- no longer than Hermione’s arm from hand to elbow- it stopped.

Everyone stared down in shock. No one breathed- no one moved. It seemed that everyone was at a loss for what to do.

And then…

“WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!”

A scream so shrill erupted from the pile of robes on floor that everyone quickly covered their ears. Still the cry continued to permeate through the palms of their hands pressed tightly to their heads. Ron shook his head violently and if anyone could have heard over the piercing wails he would have been heard saying over and over, “This isn’t happening! This isn’t happening!”

Hermione was the first to act. Shoving Harry and Neville roughly out of her way, she knelt by the small bundle where the screams were emitting from and gingerly picked up the collar of Snape’s robes. Revealed beneath was a very un-happy and very baby-looking Snape.

“Oh Merlin!” she screamed out, voice breaking from trying to raise it above his. “He’s a baby!! My goodness Harry- he’s a baby!”

“I can hear that Hermione!” Harry called back, fingers embedded deeply in his ears.

“Now you’ve done it Potter! You’re expelled this time for sure!” Draco cried out from the corner of the room.

Neville began to cry. “I’m so dead when he turns back. He will turn back, won’t he?!”

Hermione gazed up sympathetically before reaching into the robes and pulling out the naked infant from inside. Everyone crept closer despite his continuing cries. Hermione cradled Snape in her arms and stood up before them all. “We’ve got to go to Dumbledore!” she shouted while everyone nodded numbly and looking as if they’d just walked into a nightmare. “There there,” she cooed.

Snape stopped wailing and drew in a long breath. Everyone sighed and pulled whatever they had stuffed into their ears out. Gazing with dumbstruck eyes at the small form of the most menacing man in the school. His pudgy body contrasted deeply with the thin bat they were use to.

“Merlin save me he’s almost cute,” Pansy muttered.

At that Snape began to scream again. Hermione glared at her before smoothing the soft black hair on his head. “C’mon you guys!” she called out to them. Most of the class shook their heads. Hermione stomped her foot. “Fine then. Harry, Ron, Neville come with me. The rest of you," she paused before adding, "clean this place up!”

“Why us!” Draco snarled back. “Let the elves do it.”

Hermione glared at him for several moments before answering. “Fine. You take him to Dumbledore.” She repositioned Snape till her hands fell under his armpits and presented the screaming Professor to Draco.

He held up his own hands in surrender and shook his head. “No way. We’ll clean up. It’s your fault anyway, Potter!”

But Harry didn’t answer, he just stared at Snape. He was sure that his days at Hogwarts were numbered. Assault on a teacher was one thing, but transforming them into a baby? He really hated Snape now- even worse then before. “All your fault.” He muttered to Snape as Hermione cradled him again in the crook of her arm.

She gave Harry a stern glance before sighing and moving to the door. Motioning the three of them to follow with a nod of her head.

Neville clutched at Ron. “How are we going to explain this to the Headmaster?” Eyes brimmed with tears as he looked to Ron for answers. Ron shook his head and pulled at Harry before following Hermione out the Potions door. It had to be one of the first times in years that it hadn’t slammed behind with Snape’s exit.

Students kept peeking from the doors of the various classes they passed by to see what was screaming like a banshee with a megaphone. Hermione kept her head high as all the curious gazes fell on the bundle she was holding. Refusing to listen to the whispers that fluttered behind in her wake (not that she could have heard them over Snape anyway) she continued to lead the others to the stone gargoyle which stood before the sealed entrance to the headmaster’s office.

“Does anyone know the password?!” she cried out, her throat growing horse from yelling constantly over Snape’s cries.

The three boys shook their heads, and her nose twitched in agitation. Just as she was about to start back towards the Transfiguration classroom to speak with Professor McGonagall, the gargoyle swung open to reveal the magical escalator which lead up to the Headmaster’s door.

“Well,” Ron screamed, “how could he not have known we were down here!” He pointed his finger towards their Professor.

Hermione again lead the way up to the door. She paused before knocking- hoping that she wasn’t interrupting an important meeting. When she voiced this concern to Harry he looked at her with tense eyes. “What could be more important then this?” he replied dryly into her ear. She nodded and knocked on the door.

It swung back to reveal Dumbledore alone in the room. Seated behind his desk- a strange contraption floated above the table in front of him. He held a screwdriver in his right hand and his tongue was poking out slightly from the corner of his mouth as he gingerly twisted a knob in the twirling device. Silver sparkles erupted from the top like a fountain showering the room with a soft light.

The effect on Snape was immediate as he stopped screaming to gaze at the spinning fountain with wonder in his widening eyes. Dumbledore peered up at them, his blue eyes sparkling enough to rival the silver streaming from his desk. “Children are easy to amuse, especially the younger they are.” He motioned for them to step further in and quickly placed the screwdriver within on of the drawers of his desk. “Then again, the same could be said for old men such as myself.” Dumbledore then turned his gaze onto Snape. “It seems Severus is no longer to be counted in the older among us.” They stared at him in wonder for a moment, questioning in their own minds how it was that Dumbledore seemed omniscient when it came to the events in Hogwarts.

“There was an accident in Potions, Sir,” Harry replied, the toe of his boot shifting itself into the carpet- which suddenly became quite fascinating. “My fault entirely.”

“N-nn-o,” Neville stuttered out between his shivering teeth. “M-m-y f-f-a-ult t-t-t-o.”

“Why don’t you all sit down.” Dumbledore swept his hand and suddenly four chairs appeared before his desk. “Explain everything that happened.”

They made their way timidly towards the desk. Neville was still shaking as he sat, causing the chair to creak violently. In response, Dumbledore picked up the tray and held it out for him. “Lemondrop Mr. Longbottom? I find they are quite soothing when one is consumed with stress. Or perhaps some chocolate?”

Neville shook his head so hard he could have pulled a muscle in his neck. The corner of Dumbledore’s lips curled upwards as he smiled lightly. “It’s all right. Here.” Withdrawing a chocolate bar from his robes, he gave it to the quivering boy. Neville tore the wrapper in his fright and nibbled very slowly on it. Eventually- after several moments- he began to calm to a point where the violent shaking was reduced to small and spaced shivers. Dumbledore nodded. “Much better.”

Snape in the meantime had begun to reach his pudgy little hands out towards the fountain as it continued to send sparkles into the air. Dumbledore chuckled and slid the fountain towards Snape, who in turn cooed with glee and began to stick his hands without much grace over the top. As the fountain stopped to produce the showers of silver, his eyes began to tear again. Soon he withdrew and the showers again rained over the room. Snape laughed and continued the pattern as if he controlled all the power in the world.

“Now that Severus is sufficiently distracted,” Dumbledore nodded towards the infant, “why don’t you tell me how this happened.”

“Well sir,” Ron began before pausing to think. “We were brewing an aging potion today. Not a very powerful one, according to Professor Snape.” He hesitated then, throwing the laughing Professor a look of befuddlement. “I guess he was wrong.”

“I think I accidentally put too many baby eels into the potion,” Neville muttered. “When I looked down where Snape had knocked over the tray- it was empty. The only thing on the ground was the purple goo that got all over him before he- shrank.” His lower lip began to tremble and Neville quickly took a bite from the chocolate.

“Hmm. I’ve never heard of this effect before- but Potions was not my field of study as it was Severus’.” Dumbledore sighed. “I fear that without his expertise this may take a while to counter.” At the look of terror that struck the students the Headmaster quickly added some hope. “If it does not dissipate on it’s own.”

“And if there is no counter potion?” Hermione asked, glancing down at the giddy baby in her arms.

“Then Severus may have to grow up again.”

All of them sat in a stunned silence for several minutes which was only interrupted by the giggling Professor. Hermione absently began to smooth the patch of hair on his head- comforted by the thin black strands that were as soft as rabbits fur. The tuft just behind the ears, she mused.

Dumbledore smiled- radiating relaxation and comfort at them. “Now, why don’t you tell me how Severus came in contact with the potion. I have never known him to accidentally spill anything.”

“That’s my fault.” Harry replied, again finding the floor quite fascinating. “We- erm I mean he- or I- well some things were said and,” Harry sighed and tore his eyes from the floor to place them in Dumbledore’s own. “I jumped on his back and he fell onto Neville’s cauldron.” He spoke it in a rush- hoping the speed might lessen the impact.

It did not, and Dumbledore nodded very slowly. “I see. Assault on a teacher is a very serious offence Harry.”

“But it wasn’t just Harry’s fault sir!” Ron shouted, momentarily startling Severus away from the fountain. The baby turned his head to glare at Ron, and the red-headed boy could almost hear Snape’s snarling voice in his head saying ‘Twenty points for ruining my fun Mr. Weasley.’ Ron glared back at Snape and continued- defiant more than anything. “He accused Harry of practically causing Cedric’s death. In front of everyone!”

“Severus,” Dumbledore breathed sadly. Snape turned his head- the awkward movement causing it to bob to the side slightly as he regarded the Headmaster. Dumbledore sighed and shook his own head. “A very inappropriate thing to say my friend. Nonetheless, there is no excuse for assaulting a member of the faculty- Quirrel aside. Yes, I think a punishment is in order here.”

“Yes sir.” Harry’s voice trembled. “I’ll just go and collect my things.” He began to stand when Dumbledore stopped him with a lifted hand.

“What ever for?”

Harry gazed at the Headmaster with disbelief. “You aren’t going to-”

The old wizards eyes softened. “No Harry. I’m not.” Harry let out a long sigh and leaned into his chair as the other three grinned back and forth. “I am a firm believer that a punishment should also serve as a lesson.”

They remained quiet.

“Therefore- you will be in charge of Severus’ care for the time being until we can find a way to -ah- reverse the situation.”

They continued to remain quiet, but Harry’s jaw was about to hit his knees.

“And since Severus has seemed to take a liking to you Hermione, you shall assist Harry. The ministry doesn’t allow us to teach sexual education here at Hogwarts you see, so this shall be an excellent opportunity for the students to experience life with one who depends so intently on you for the most basic of needs. In fact- you can help as well Ron. Yes, a most excellent idea.” Dumbledore sat back in his own leather chair and beamed at them.

They continued to gawk at him as if he had suddenly sprouted an extra head. Snape chose that moment to start laughing at a portrait in the room which was making funny faces towards him.

“Your mad!” Ron exclaimed. He quickly clamped his hands over his mouth as he realized what he had said.

Dumbledore only chuckled. “So I’ve been told many times before.”

“What about me?” Neville muttered.

“Well all of Gryffindor house will have to lend some assistance, but- my dear boy- it is very well known how much you fear Professor Snape. In fact I remember that lovely incident with the Bogart.” He chuckled again. “It is understandable mistake that I will not punish you for. We all foul occasionally, myself included.”

Dumbledore seemed very pleased with his decision. He leaned forward and motioned for Hermione- who was still shell shocked- to hand Severus to him. She did so silently, and soon the Headmaster was holding one of his most valued Professors. He gazed at the gurgling face with happiness beaming from his own. “Ah yes, it is so good to see him smile again. And it will do wonders to improve the mood around the castle if a baby is around. Little padding feet as they say.”

“Couldn’t we just get a dog?” Ron moaned. Dumbledore glanced at Ron.

“Why don’t you hold him?”

“What!” Ron shrieked. Snape’s face contorted and it was clear he was about to cry when Dumbledore quickly uttered gentle words that succeeded in soothing him.

“Well you did grow up in a house filled with children.” Hermione pointed out.

“But Ginny is only a year and a half younger than me. I never had to deal with babies before,” Ron moaned before crossing his arms in front of his chest. Dumbledore clucked his tongue disapprovingly.

“Come now. Here.” He stood from behind the desk and walked around until he was standing next to Ron. He kneeled gently beside him and presented Snape, who was eyeing Ron with an eerily similar gaze.

Ron returned the glare, happy that for once it out-shone his Professor's. “He hates me.”

“Nonsense,” Dumbledore replied sternly before moving his hand under Snape’s neck. “You must always make sure the neck is supported. Hold him gently, but firmly enough that he won’t roll out.” He pushed Snape until his was against the upper portion of Ron’s arms.

Sighing to show his extreme discomfort, Ron uncurled one of his arms to allow Dumbledore to gently lay Snape in it’s crook. Snape’s face contorted into extreme distaste before settling into the slight dip of the fifteen year-olds arm. Ron gazed down with the look of a deer caught in the headlights of his father’s car.

“See, it is not so very bad now is it?” Dumbledore muttered. Harry craned his neck over to be able to gaze more intently on the situation- barely containing his laughter. Ron pinched his nose.

“I guess not but I still don’t li-”

Suddenly a stream of yellow erupted from Snape.

“EEEWWW!!!!!” Ron cried out as his shirt became drenched in urine. “He’s pissing on me!”

Snape let off the water works and began to laugh with glee. Ron shoved his arms towards the Headmaster who’s cheeks were bloated from containing his own laughter. Harry and Neville did not bother trying to suppress it, and soon the room echoed with chuckles.

Dumbledore took Snape gingerly just as Hermione glanced at him. “He should at least have a nappy, sir.”

“No kidding!” Ron snarled, holding his now drenched shirt away from his chest.

The wizard nodded thoughtfully. “I believe I can ‘conjure’ up, as it were, some of the necessities. I will send Professor McGonagall to Hogsmede tonight to fetch some more supplies- and toys.” Dumbledore smiled down at Snape. “Somehow I have a feeling he did not receive near enough before. Well, we shall make sure his second go at infancy is much more enjoyable, won’t we?”

They groaned in response. Dumbledore then motioned for them all to stand with his head. He laid Snape down on the desk with great care and took out a very old looking wand. “Now, for some diapers, hmm?” He glanced around before his eyes landed on an older set of robes. Taking them from the shelf, he set them on the desk and concentrated for a moment- pointing his wand at them.

In an instant a set of diapers appeared. Dumbledore grabbed the top one- quickly inspected it- and nodded his approval. “Now watch very carefully,” he muttered. After a few swift motions Snape was no longer naked but sufficiently covered. The trim around the top of his diapers were decorated in unicorns, which danced happily around. “I’ve charmed them not to leak, but if he has an- accident,” he paused to glow at Ron- who still held his shirt pinched in two fingers away from his chest, “the unicorns will become most unhappy and you should know. If the smell doesn’t tell you first.”

A look of horror again crossed their faces.

“Hermione, please create a suitable bag which will hold the things he needs. You’ll each have to take turns taking care of him.” Hermione nodded and reached for her book bag- which was no longer there. “Oh no!” she gasped in horror. Obviously the idea of being without her books terrified her more than caring for the baby before them. “I must have left it in Potions!”

“I’ll get it for you!” Neville cried out and practically ran from the room. They watched as he disappeared behind the door.

“I don’t think he’s going to be much help,” Harry muttered.

“You may be surprised,” Dumbledore replied. “Here, you can use that case by the fireplace Hermione.”

Hermione crossed the room and pointed to a tattered looking briefcase by the fireplace. Dumbledore nodded. “Is there anything important inside?” She asked, unwilling to go through the Headmaster’s things.

“No. It’s empty.”

She nodded and pulled out her own wand. Pausing to think for a moment before she pointed again to the case. In a flash of white which made Snape coo out with glee- it transformed itself into a diaper bag. Several side pockets covered the outside which was covered in rabbits.

“Bunnies?” Ron asked disdainfully. “I don’t want to carry around a bag with bunnies on it!”

“You’ll very well do it Ron Weasley and what more you will like it!” Hermione hissed back, waving her wand at him. Ron threw out the arm not holding his shirt in placation. “It should be bottomless- able to hold a lot of items.” Hermione added, very pleased with her accomplishment. Dumbledore clapped.

“Well done, Miss Granger. Ten points to Gryffindor,” he replied, eyes beaming. “Minerva was absolutely right. Come- let’s finish the rest of it.”

When the three left Dumbledore’s office, the bag slung over Harry’s shoulder contained most of the ‘essential’ things that Snape would need. Several nappies- enough for one night, five bottles decorated with magical creatures that Harry suspected Snape would choke them for when he turned back (he was going to turn back Harry told himself over and over), pacifiers, rattles, books Dumbledore had produced for them to read Snape to sleep (‘Severus always reads a book before going to bed’), and a weird assortment of toys Dumbledore had provided that Harry had never even seen before.

They had clothed him in a bright blue pajama outfit with ducks floating around like it was some kind of enchanted lake. Ron had muttered that they should have been black. Dumbledore only smiled and replied that, ‘one can never have too many colors.’

It was decided that Snape should alternate between staying in Hermione's and the boys' rooms unless a preference became apparent. A crib in both Harry, Ron, Seamus, Dean, and Neville’s room as well as Hermione’s and her room mates. A play pen would be placed in the Common Room and at the classes they would attend.

As soon as they were in the hall Ron gazed in disgust at Snape before turning to Harry and Hermione. “I’m going to go change,” he muttered- gesturing to his shirt. “I’ll meet you all in the Great Hall for dinner.”

The pair nodded to him and he quickly turned and stalked away. They glanced at each other before continuing down the corridor. Snape was in a strange carrier which strapped to Hermione’s back while Harry carried the diaper bag. “You know,” Hermione began, motioning to Harry, “this could have turned out a lot worse for you.”

Harry nodded. He hadn’t really said much since the accident. What could one say when one was suddenly named babysitter to the most hated Professor in the school?

“And this will be a good experience for all of us,” Hermione added.

Harry only nodded again.

“And he is a bit cute this way.”

Harry stopped dead in his tracks and turned his head to regard her. “Have you lost your mind ‘Mione?” he asked. She glared before walking ahead of him, leaving Harry to gaze at Snape’s face which- he would swear to anyone under Veritaserum- was snarling at him.

When they reached the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, Harry immediately noticed the highchair at the end. It glinted in gold and was cushioned by satin. He groaned at the thought of Snape dining in such fine fashion, especially in what should have served as an embarrassment to the Professor. Rolling his eyes, he reluctantly helped remove Snape from the carrier and placed him into the chair. Hermione secured the tray in front and buckled him in.

Snape was not pleased with this and immediately began slapping his hands angrily against the top of the tray. Harry tried to shush him as best he could. Placing his own hands over Snape’s, which earned him another baby-snarl and glare. Harry almost glared back before catching himself and sighing.

“We just heard,” Fred said as he walked up to stand on the other side of the highchair, flanked by George who was barely containing his laughter at the sight of Snape. “Still looks like an evil git, don’t he?”

At this comment Snape began the tale-tell wail of his. It echoed around the Hall- causing everyone to stare. Snape didn’t seem to care as he continued screaming with a power Harry would never have believed

“I should Hex you!” Hermione hissed to Fred before reaching into the bag still held by Harry. She fished around for several minutes before pulling out one of the toys Dumbledore had gave them.

She sat it in front of Snape and began to talk to him in a sing-song voice. “There there Sevvy- here- look at this.” She flipped the copper switch and the toy began to swarm with colors. Snape quieted and grasped for the toy. “Only if you’re a good baby. You are a good baby-waby aren’t you?” she asked in that sickening voice which made Harry cringe and the Weasley twins choke with laughter. She glared at the pair before handing the toy to Snape, who immersed himself in studying it as only a baby could.

“Sevvy?” George gasped out. “Little Sevvy wevvy have a doo doo yet?” The twins again erupted in laughter.

“Oh grow up!” Hermione hissed, lashing out at them. “He can’t help it. And, no, for your information.”

“He did see fit to use me as the loo though,” Ron grumbled as he appeared from behind them. George and Fred settled themselves down to a few chuckles and went to sit in their customary place. Soon, most of the students were fluttering over to get a look at the Potion’s Master- whose accident was well passed along information by that time.

Hermione kept trying to shoo them away- mothering over Snape in a way that made Harry and Ron sick to their stomachs. “Girls.” Ron whispered to Harry before shaking his head.

After the announcement by Dumbledore of Snape’s accident and the current situation (during which Harry noticed the mirth on all of the other Professor’s faces) the food appeared. The need to eat drove them away from inspecting Snape and returning to their own plates.

Hermione didn’t touch her food though- she contented herself with trying to feed Snape the mush that the house elves had brought out for him. “Are you sure he can eat solid food? Dumbledore did give us the bottles,” Ron pointed out. Hermione ignored him for a few moments- making plane motions with her spoon and even more ridiculous noises to get Snape to accept the food.

“He can have some of this too,” she responded. “He’s not quite newborn.”

“No, he’s a thirty-five-year-old baby,” Ron replied dryly. As soon as he turned back to his own plate a glob of yellow much hit him in the side of the head. Ron gasped in shock and grabbed a napkin to wipe it away while the rest of the table laughed. Ron turned to glare at Snape, but paused as he noticed the very pleased expression on the baby’s face. “Git!” Ron called out. Snape only stuck his tongue out.

“Oh for Merlin’s sake Ron,” Hermione chastened as she cleaned a bit of the mush from Snape’s face. “It’s only applesauce.”

“He really hates me.” Ron muttered darkly in reply before turning again to his food.

The rest of dinner passed by with relative normalcy. Well, Harry mused, as normal as dinner can be when the nastiest Professor in school was flinging his apple sauce at you. The sauce missiles (as the Weasley twins had dubbed them- muttering about a new idea for their business) had not only struck Ron. Snape had targeted the Gryffindor table on the whole. Harry himself had received two, Seamus one in the eye, and Neville was still digging the sauce out of his ear. It was amazing accuracy and distance for their little Professor.

Snape himself, at that moment, was once again strapped into the carrier on Hermione’s back as they all climbed the stairs to their tower. Ron was still grumbling about a situation which Harry had begun to slowly accept. It was, after all, his fault. Well, mostly anyway.

“You think Dumbledore would have given him to the Slytherins. He is their Head of House after all.” Ron continued plucking sauce from his red hair as the complaints rolled by. “Why do we always get landed with everything. ‘Save the Stone’ ‘Kill the Basilisk’ ‘Free Sirius’. Honestly, we’re only children!”

“Now Ron,” Hermione began, still miffed with what she viewed as immature behavior at the current situation. “No one actually asked us to do any of those things.”

“Ya ya,” Ron replied. He threw another heated glare at Snape, which was returned. Pointing to the Professor he added, “He seems to be enjoying himself though. I wouldn’t be surprised if he planned all this to happen. A jolly good laugh for him. Git.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Hermione adjusted the carrier as if she needed to somehow shield Snape from Ron’s words. “Professor Snape would never in a million years want to turn himself into a baby.”

Harry had to agree with that. The only shining light in the tunnel he now seemed to be stuck in was Snape’s horror and embarrassment when he returned to his normal- sneering- insulting- and unpleasant self. Harry really missed him at that moment.

Luckily they had reached the portrait of the Fat Lady before Harry could reflect on missing Snape. She looked at them with bored disinterest at first, until she noticed the bundle on Hermione’s back. “My goodness,” she began with a stern expression in her eyes, “someone should have told you pre-marital affairs should be undertaken with protection.”

The three gaped at her open mouth and bug-eyed. “You don’t honestly think-” Harry began, but stopped before saying any of the words that ran through his head. Words like Hermione and us… “Nevermind,” he snapped. “Just let us in. Ask Professor McGonagall about it.”

The Fat Lady lifted her nose. “I most certainly will. Won’t have these kinds of things going on in my tower, under my guard.”

“Oh for Merlin’s Sake.” Hermione rubbed her forehead. “Xeta Capurnicus.”

The Fat Lady gave them one last disapproving look before swinging open and admitting them into the Common Room. Ron stood shaking his head. “Didn’t she notice that Hermione hasn’t been pregnant at all. I may not be the brightest Galleon in the vault, but even I’m not that stupid.” Hermione turned to him with a raised eyebrow and remark on her tongue when Ron threw her a look that said quite plainly, Not Now.

Hermione took the hint and started to unhook the fastener on the carrier. Snape gave a small noise disturbingly similar to a snort, indicating his annoyance at the sudden movements. Hermione continued to swing the carrier around as gently as she could before removing Snape. She held him firmly under his bottom and brought him to her shoulder, which he happily rested his head against.

Just as the three were about to sit down to discuss the sleeping arrangements for the night they were again assaulted by the other members of Gryffindor tower. Most notable amoung them were Lavander and Parvati. Both girls squawked over Snape like a couple of chickens bobbing their heads.

“Can I hold him?” Parvati asked Hermione in a rush, eyes sparkling over from excitement. Hermione looked down to Snape who kept squirming away from Parvati’s hands.

“I don’t know,” Hermione began hestiantly, drawing him closer. “Sevvy doesn’t really like people.”

“Sevvy!” Lavander exclaimed before clasping her hands together in delight. “That is so very cute!”

Now Snape looked down right green, like he was going to be sick. Harry swore he understood at least a gist of what was being said. After all, their Professor had always seemed to display almost telepathic abilities. Although, he was pretty sure Snape wasn’t quite as mentally there as he used to be. Then again Harry thought he remembered something about babies reacting to vocal tones.

Either way he didn’t want to be held by anybody other than Hermione. Oblivious to this fact, Lavander practically tore him away from Hermione. She bit back whatever she was about to say- but her eyes were throwing unforgivable curses at Lavander.

She didn’t notice this, but held Snape in front of her and proceeded to make several contorted faces which would have frightened Harry himself, let alone the baby. “Oh- he’s a cutie wootie! A little adorable thing- isn’t he. Yes, yes, he is- he is!”

Snape’s face scrunched in a fashion the three recognized by now. “Uh-oh,” Ron moaned before shoving both pinkies into his ears. Harry did the same, and very soon the cry of Professor Snape -baby extraordinaire- rang throughout the tower.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!! WWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAA!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”

“For goodness’ sakes Lavander!” George shouted. “Give him back! I wouldn’t want your ugly mug staring up at me either!”

Lavander began to tear up herself before handing Snape back to Hermione. As soon as he was safely against her shoulder again the cries ceased. Everyone stared in open amazement.

“Wow,” Seamus said after several quiet moments. “He really has taken a liken to you, hasn’t he?”

Hermione didn’t respond, only continued to pat Snape on the back. Ron shook his head in disbelief.

“Never would have guessed the way he always insults you in class. Maybe he figures you’re the one less likely to get him killed.” Ron then sighed and sat down beside Hermione on the sofa, sinking into its cushions. “It’s been too long a day.”

“Here here,” Harry replied, taking the seat next to him. Only a few hours and he was already beginning to get tired.

“You two act like you’ve been doing all the work,” Hermione stated, now rubbing little circles in the middle of Snape’s shoulders. Harry didn’t respond. He knew full well Hermione was right. This was, after all, mostly his fault. Guilt began to creep over him like a slowly descending fog, obscuring everything else he might have felt.

Ron snorted. “Well, it is kind of a girl thing, isn’t it?”

Hermione’s head snapped to the side, her face filling with anger. “What is that supposed to mean?!”

“I mean taking care of babies. Mum is always looking after us boys,” Ron replied. Clearly he didn't understand what had offended her.

“For your information Ron,” Hermione hissed out his name causing both Ron and Harry to wince slightly, “boys are just as capable of looking after babies as girls are.”

Ron threw up his hands. “Fine, fine. Point taken.” Harry leaned back into the couch, glad Ron hadn’t decided to push the argument any further. Hermione still looked furious, absently tossing a strand of hair away from her face.

It seemed, though, that Hermione wasn’t quite finished. “I’m tired and I have a load of homework to do.”

“Surprise surprise,” Ron replied softly. A glare from Hermione and Snape made him wince.

“So I’m going to leave him to you two for the night.”

“WHAT!” Harry and Ron shouted at the same time. Snape looked at them from Hermione’s shoulder with his eyebrows raised, obviously wondering what all the fuss was about.

“You can’t be serious!” Ron added. “He hates us! He hates me!” The last word was said with a panicked whine. Harry nodded his head vigorously, in total agreement with Ron. Hermione pressed her lips together tightly while regarding the two of them.

“Dumbledore said that it was all our responsibility to look after him. Not just mine. This is just like the two of you, never taking school assignments seriously.”

“Hermione,” Harry began, stunned that she was even treating this event as another piece of reading, “this is taking care of a baby- Snape at that- not an essay for History of Magic!”

“No kidding!” Ron added, a similarly stunned expression on his face. “Not like he’s a three foot bit of parchment- is he?”

“Of course not!” Her voice was steadily growing colder. “I’m not suggesting he is. All I’m saying is that it’s something we’ve been assigned to do. All three of us.” She then stood up swiftly, pulled Snape away from her shoulder and into her hands. She then bent over and laid him straight into Harry’s lap. The boys looked up at her, mouths working furiously but no sound coming out. She then gave a last look at Snape, her features softening for the first time, before walking across the room- up the stairs- and into her chambers.

“Traitor!” Ron called out. Harry remained silent, only looking down at the squirming infant in his lap, who was looking back up at him with disgust. Then Harry noticed a very disturbing sight revealed by an opening in Snape’s pajamas. “I can’t believe she just did that!”

“Well,” Harry began- uncertain of how to say it, “I think we have a bigger problem.”

Ron groaned and sank further into the couch. “And what could that possibly be?”

“The unicorns,” Harry paused and waited until Ron was also looking down at Snape, “they’ve stopped dancing.”

No matter how many angles they turned Snape, and no matter how hard they stared, the unicorns had indeed stopped in their prancing across Snape’s nappy. Even when they tore off the pajamas the unicorns remained still, except for the occasional shaking of their heads. Harry and Ron kept looking back and forth between themselves and the nappy, both hesitant to unfasten them.

“Just do it quickly,” Seamus supplied helpfully. A small crowd had gathered around the trio. Snape was laying in the center of the table which was usually used for playing Wizard’s Chess. His face was gazing up at them with a look that said, ‘well don’t just stand there you dunderheads! Get this disgusting thing off of me!’

Harry drew in a deep breath. “Okay,” he muttered to the group. “Here we go.”

“Wait,” Ron said as he grasped for Harry’s arm, now poised directly over the nappy's fastening. “I don’t think I can do this. I mean, he’s already nailed me once- what’s to stop him from doing it again.”

Harry glared back. “Do you think I want to wipe my Professor’s arse?! Let alone Snape’s arse! I can tell you, it’s not on my top ten list of things to check out in the Mirror of Erised.”

Ron gulped. “Not to mention having to look at his- his- thing.”

Horror struck all the members of the crowd. No, they most certainly did not want to look at Professor Snape’s thing.

“Alright, here’s what we’re going to do,” Harry began, sounding like Oliver before one of their Quidditch practices. “We’re going to pretend it’s not Snape.”

Ron glanced down at their Professor, trying to imagine that he was not Snape at all, but a un-descript baby from an un-descript couple-- maybe even his own parents. He had almost removed the fact that their Professor was kicking and squirming on the table, but unfortunately it was at that moment Snape decided to send another baby-snarl. “I can’t. Look at him Harry! He’s snarling at us!”

Harry sighed. “Look, its got to be done. Hermione isn’t coming down. We’ve just got to grit our teeth and do it. We are Gryffindor’s after all.”

“We better get a hundred points for this,” Ron replied in sullen defeat before nodding to indicate that Harry should proceed.

Harry briefly considered grabbing his dragon scale gloves from his bag before deciding against it. In Snape’s current form his skin was soft and would probably get bruised or cut. He mentally counted to three and then- with trembling hands- undid the fastening of the nappy. He grabbed both of Snape’s legs awkwardly, earning several small noises of protest as he did so, and pulled down the front of the nappy. Its contents was revealed to all.

“EEEEEWWWW!!!” was the collective response. Neville’s cheeks bulged, and he was quick to cover his mouth with his hands before running to the nearest bathroom. Indeed, the sight was quite grotesque as the not-so-very solid pile of what remained of the apple sauce was in full view. Say nothing of the smell.

“Worse then Troll Bogies,” muttered Ron as he pinched his nose shut. Harry did the same, and gingerly pulled the nappy away from the Potion’s Master. He quickly folded it up and threw it into a waste can that had been specially provided for this need. “You greasy git, I hope your pleased with yourself,” Ron said to Snape. “That was one of the most revolting things I’ve ever seen in my life.”

Snape did look extremely pleased, now that the contents of the diaper had been removed.

Harry returned and again lifted him by the legs off the table, all the while keeping a safe distance away. “Someone get the wipes out of the bag and another nappy.” After a moment he added, “and that powder stuff.”

Ron quickly complied, as did several of the other boys, all wanting to get away from their naked Professor. Ron beat them all to the bag, and set to digging inside of it until he had fetched the all the items Harry had asked for.

Ron handed them back to Harry- who was desperately trying to remember what Dumbledore had done. He took out one of the wipes from the small container, all the while telling himself this was not Snape. He quickly cleaned away what remained from the nappy before in one swipe. He was both amazed and stunned, that is, until the words on the box made it clear.

“Thank you Mrs. Skowers,” Harry muttered after reading the label. The witch’s picture on the top nodded to him in complete understanding.

Harry took hold of the powder, and scanned over the label. Ingredients he didn’t recognize were listed, but it promised to prevent rashes. Harry shrugged his shoulders and tried hard not to think of what Snape would have to say to him about applying a powder he knew nothing about onto Snape’s person. He unstopped the top of the bottle and tilted it over his Professor. Harry shook it a few times, hoping it would be enough. It turned out to be more than enough, as the room soon was consumed by a sparkling white cloud, and soon everyone coughed as that cloud rolled over them.

Panicking, Harry quickly covered Snape’s face with his pajamas, hoping that Snape wouldn’t breath much of it in. Then the thought that it could be toxic to all of them flashed through his mind.

Almost as quickly as it had grown, the cloud of baby powder settled around them. It left the Common Room and its occupants covered in a fine white dusting. Harry patted as much of it as he could off the top of Snape, who wasn’t coughing at all.

Suddenly, the powder up and disappeared.

“That was weird,” Harry said, shrugging at Ron.

“Its supposed to do that,” Ron replied as he recalled his mum’s complaints about it. “I guess it’s good for your skin though.”

Harry nodded, relieved he hadn’t endangered anyone, and reached for the final stage of the changing- reapplying the nappy.

It took several minutes, and ultimately some spell-o-tape, until finally it no longer slipped off of Snape. Harry sighed in happiness and looked again towards Ron. “Now what?”

Ron was busy trying to convince Snape to return to his duck pajamas. “Why don’t we play a game of Wizard’s Chess?”

Harry nodded. “Sounds like a good idea.” He pointed to Snape, whose right arm Ron had finally stuffed into its complimenting sleeve. “What about him?”

As if a magical chime had sounded, all the other students mumbled about getting some sleep or doing homework and quickly scattered from the room. Harry and Ron sighed to each other. “Let’s just stuff him into that rolling-chair--erm--thing.” He buttoned up the pajamas and grabbed the chair he had mentioned.

The chair was designed to allow Snape to roll around freely with little effort on his own part since he was unable to walk- and had several blocks connected to the top to offer amusement. Like the highchair in the Great Hall, it offered adequate support for his tiny body as well.

“You sure that’s a good idea?” Harry asked, looking at it with suspicion. “Shouldn’t we keep an eye on him?”

Ron shrugged. “C’mon Harry. The door is closed, he can’t go up the stairs- what’s the harm?”

Indeed, what was the harm Harry wondered. It looked safe so he lifted Snape off the table, carried him to the chair, and sat him inside of it. After Snape was securely in place, he walked back over to the table where Ron had already removed the changing cover and replaced it with his chess board.

Soon any concern for keeping his eye on Snape left when Ron took one of his Bishops.

After an hour Ron grinned and proclaimed, “Checkmate!”

Harry groaned and removed his glasses briefly to rub his eyes. “You always win,” he muttered before replacing them. Ron smiled brightly, reveling for several minutes in his victory. Then it was as if someone had turned the light on in his head.

“Hey Harry?”

“Ya?” Harry replied before yawning.

Ron looked around the room. “Where’s Snape?”

Harry’s eyes snapped wide open and he jumped from his seat. “Snape?!”

“Ya, you know- little body, pudgy face, drool, wailing, pissing, crapping? Where is he?”

They both glanced at each other for a few seconds before running through the room. After a while of searching with no results, Ron began to panic. He even resorted to lifting up the cushions on the couch. “Dumbledore should’ve known better!” he moaned. “Where in the world is he?”

Harry didn’t reply, still inspecting the spaces between the bookshelf. “It’s alright, just keep your head on!.”

“Oh man Harry.” Ron’s voice wavered. “We are in such big trouble. Can you imagine? ‘Excuse me Headmaster- we’ve seemed to have misplaced Snape. Have you seen him anywhere? Maybe in the Chamber of Secrets?’ We’re getting kicked out this time for sure!”

Harry was about to go and get the Marauder’s Map when a giggle from the corner of the room made them both snap their heads around. They dashed over to find the subject of their query perfectly safe and unharmed. Snape looked back up at them with glowing eyes. “Thank Merlin,” Harry groaned, swearing never to let Snape out of his sight again.

Ron looked down. “What’s that in his hands?”

Harry had missed that before, concerned with their professors well being, but there was indeed something in his chubby little hands. “Looks like parchment,” he replied. He looked to the floor and noticed that more of it was scattered all over. “Wonder how he got a hold of it.”

Ron picked up one of the pieces. After a second of study, his eyes widened. “Hey Harry, it’s my handwriting!”

Harry plucked the piece from Ron’s hand. It was the unmistakable squiggle of Ron’s quill. “Uh-oh.”

Gazing around the room, Ron found his school bag open on a nearby table and his books strewn across the floor. He took back the parchment from Harry, and picked up several of the other torn scraps. He examined them carefully for a few minutes before his cheeks flamed a bright red which trailed up to his ears. “It’s my Divination chart! Blimey! It took me days to make all that stuff up! And we have Divination tomorrow morning after Transfiguration!” Ron then rounded on Snape and glared. Snape only laughed and threw a few more pieces into the air. “He’s still trying to make my school work a living nightmare.”

“It’ll be alright,” Harry muttered, starting to pick up all the scraps off the floor. “A bit of spell-o-tape will fix it right up. You’ll see.”

Ron began to help collect the torn assignment, roughly wrenching a few pieces out of Snape’s fingers. “There’s baby drool all over it!”

A half-hour later they had all the pieces and began the process of re-connecting Ron’s Divination Chart, trying with little success to dry the slobber from the parchment. Ron kept periodically shaking his head and wondering aloud why Snape was determined to make his life as difficult as possible.

An hour later, with Snape safely asleep in his crib, the pair hauled their aching backs to their beds. Neville, Dean, and Seamus were already fast asleep, and Harry sighed as his head hit the pillow, all intention to follow their excellent example. Yet, before giving into his body’s demand for sleep, he turned to give Snape another quick look.

The crib was situated in the middle of the room and softly illuminated by light creeping through the window. Snape’s face was completely relaxed, and it was clear he was snoozing away comfortably. Harry turned back to his own pillow and followed in Snape’s footsteps. Slumber came quickly and Harry welcomed it with open arms.

“WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! WAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII! AAAAHHH AHHA WWWWWAAA AAAAAAAAHHH AAAAAAAAAHHHHH AAAAAAAHHHH! AAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!”

Harry shot up into a sitting position on his bed so fast he was temporarily dizzy. He glanced around the room in terror, wondering what in the world was screaming like it’s leg had just gotten cut off. Slowly Harry began to remember the events of the day, and shook his head. Apparently his wish that this had all been a bad dream wasn’t going to be granted any time soon.

Harry glanced quickly to the magical clock on the wall. The hands pointed to ‘Go to sleep young man, it’s the middle of the night.’ Harry groaned and wished with all his might that he could.

“FOR THE LOVE OF MERLIN SHUT HIM UP!” Ron cried out from beneath the pillow he had shoved over his ears. Snape’s cries hadn’t lessened in volume and Harry wondered if his entire body was comprised of a set of lungs.

“Shouldn’t talk about Professor Snape that way!” Neville called out. Harry rolled his eyes.

“Oh crikes Neville! He’s only a baby! Get over it!” Ron answered back loudly enough to be heard.

“I can’t help it,” Neville answered- his voice equally loud. “He’s yelling at me even in my dreams!”

Seamus by this time was also sitting up in his own bed. He flicked the light on and shook his head towards Neville. “Would it help if I transfigured a hat with a Vulture on top for him to wear?!” He pointed towards Snape who was still crying.

“No thanks!” Neville answered. “You’ll just blow us all up!”

Seamus frowned at him and was about to reply when the door to their room opened... revealing the entire population of Gryffindor Tower. They all wore angry (and sleepy) expressions on their faces, all of which were directed towards the four. Hermione was in the lead and glared at each of them in turn. “You’d better take care of him!” she shouted. “Or none of us will get any sleep! And if that happens I’ll turn you all into toads!” With that she slammed the door shut, leaving the five boys glancing back and forth.

“You don’t think she could actually do it- do you?” Neville asked, his voice quivering.

“Let’s not find out,” Harry replied, standing and wandering to the screaming infant’s crib. Snape didn’t quiet down when Harry lifted him up and placed his body against his chest as he had when Hermione held him. He only kept screaming into his ear. For a moment Harry feared he’d go deaf.

“Shove a bottle into his mouth!” Ron suggested. “He can’t scream over that!”

Harry nodded and made his way over to the nappy bag. After a few moments of rummaging through the contents, he extracted one of the bottles, one decorated with a phoenix. That has to be a good sign, he thought to himself. If that wasn’t enough of a hint, the formula which appeared a moment later on the stand was.

Harry laid the wailing Snape onto the bed and inspected the label.

Specially mixed with nutrients the infant wizard needs.

Harry read the label to Ron. “Should we trust a formula by Bott?” he asked, uncertainty seeping into his words. Ron groaned and pulled the pillow tighter against his head.

“I hope it’s vomit flavored!” Ron called back.

After mixing it into the bottle and presenting it to Snape, Harry discovered that it was not vomit flavored. At least, not with the way Snape hungrily sucked at it.

Harry continued to look down at Snape as he fed. Shaking his own head in wonder at the way Snape seemed to glare back. Maybe it was his imagination, but he was beginning to believe Ron’s theory that Snape was still out to get the both of them. He certainly didn’t remember seeing other babies glare or snarl. Then again, he really hadn’t been around that many before.

After Snape was contented and would accept no more Harry placed the bottle onto the dresser for the house elves to collect. He stood up, and was about to place him back in his crib when Neville spoke.

“You’ve got to burp him Harry.”

Harry groaned in reply. He sifted again through the bag for the small shoulder-sized towel. He sat down again on his bed and threw the towel over his shoulder. He lifted Snape up till his head was against it- and then proceeded to slap his Professor’s back like he had seen in the movies.

After a while Harry began to doze off while Snape continued to gurgle and burp. His sticky eyelids tried to shut themselves on their own accord as Snape’s noises became less frequent. Finally- when he noticed through the foggy cloud which had covered his mind that Snape had ceased to make any more noises- he removed the small bundle. He walked gratefully back to the crib and deposited the Potion’s Master onto the cushion.

Harry threw the towel in the pile of dirty clothes and jumped back into bed. Snuggling under the covers, he again welcomed the cloud as he drifted away from the insanity his life had became.

Just as he was almost entirely enfolded in the arms of Morpheus, those god awful cries began again.

Harry groaned and mimicked Ron’s earlier movement with his own pillow. Trying unsuccessfully to stuff the case into his ears. Ron himself sat up unsteadily in his own bed and gazed with hatred at the crib. “He can’t still be hungry!”

A brilliant solution in the form of Dumbledore’s voice floated through Harry’s ears. Severus always reads a book before going to sleep. “Try reading to him.” Harry replied through the pillow.

“Me?” Ron’s incredulous voice answered back. Harry snapped the pillow away from his face and glared at Ron.

“I’ve changed him. I’ve fed him. I’ve even burped him. YOU read to him!”

It must have been the look on Harry’s face which made Ron grumble and stand up. Snatching one of the books out of the bag, Ron made his way towards the crib without examining the sudden selection too intently. Harry sighed in relief and laid back down.

Ron meanwhile had drawn a chair to the side of the crib. At the sight of Ron, Snape became silent. Ron gave him a funny look which said ‘Now you shut up?’

Muttering dark curses, Ron pulled up the book-- and then gaped at the cover. Colored in a sickening scene of a bright blue sky with a sun which smiled and waved at him. In the center of a large row of flowers swaying in an invisible breeze was a white puppy with a black patch over his ear. It leapt around like it had gotten into an entire bowl of sugar. “Peppy the Happy Puppy?!” Ron felt sick at the title. “Merlin we’re all doomed! He’ll hex us to next Monday. Maybe I should read him something from the Potion book instead.”

“Just read it!” the other three shouted back, clearly annoyed enough as it was. Ron rolled his eyes and winced as he turned to the first page.

“Just remember,” he muttered to Snape, “Dumbledore gave it to us.”

Snape blew a spit bubble.

“Alright then.” Ron cleared his throat. “Peppy the Happy Puppy.”

“Peppy was the happiest puppy in the world. Peppy loved to play.” Ron groaned. “He really loved to play in the garden behind the Stevens’ house.”

Ron held the book out in Snape’s pudgy round face. Another picture of Peppy happily bounding around the ankles of Mr. And Mrs. Stevens while they waved to Snape. “Here’s a picture of the bloody dog,” Ron muttered.

Snape laughed in response.

Ron nodded. “I think he’s pretty stupid too.”

“Ron…” Harry muttered from his bed.

“Right- right,” Ron replied hesitantly before withdrawing the book and turning it’s page.

“One day Mr. Paddlewagon-” Ron winced, “came by the house. Mr. Paddlewagon was a very nice man.”

Ron snorted as he regarded the book. “Well they wouldn’t make him a serial killer now would they?”

“Ron…” All four hissed at him.

Face contorted with disgust, he sighed before continuing. “Peppy liked Mr.Paddlewagon very much.” Ron snorted again. “Bet he liked to sniff his bum.”

Harry’s extra pillow collided with Ron’s face. “Just read the stupid story Ron so that he goes to sleep or I’ll go and get Hermione.”

“Alright!” Ron growled back, tossing the pillow back at Harry. “So anyway-

Mr. Paddlewagon played Frisbee with Peppy. Peppy was very happy, just as Peppy should be. Then a very bad thing happened.” Ron’s eyes widened in hope, a hope that was mercilessly dashed when he read the next few sentences. “Mr. Paddlewagon threw the Frisbee too far. Peppy, being a good puppy and a happy puppy, ran after it. Even when it flew into the garden Peppy loved.”

Ron tore the book away from his face and thrust it to Snape. “Here’s a picture of the stupid dog jumping into the bloody garden.” Ron didn’t bother to watch for Snape’s reaction but pulled the book back- determined to get this entire ordeal over with as soon as possible.

“Peppy landed on the flowers. They flattened under Peppy. When Peppy saw his flowers he became very sad. Stupid Mutt. When the Stevens heard Peppy cry they ran out of their house.”

Ron shoved the book again to Snape. “Dog’s can’t cry, but here’s a picture of him wailing like you, Professor.”

Snape again made no noises in response. Ron paused and turned to look down in the crib. Snape’s eyes were closed, and his breathing had slowed. Ron frowned, certain it had to be a trick Snape was playing on him. Suddenly his eyes glinted with an evil light as he closed the book shut. On a whim he added, “When the Stevens saw Peppy crying they became very afraid. The Stevens thought their dog had rabies. So they shot him. The End.”

Snape made no movement to indicate he had heard of the dog’s grusome demise, but continued to breath softly. Ron nodded, satisfied that he truly was asleep, and moved back to his bed. He crawled under the covers and was about to shut his eyes when a thought occurred to him.

“Hey Harry,” he whispered to the boy across the room.

Harry, who was half asleep, muttered a groggy reply. “What?”

“If I ever lose my mind and decide I want kids- would you do me a favor?”

Harry, eyes shut and floating off, replied softly. “What?”

Ron leaned back into his bed to gaze up at the canopy. “Shoot me.”

“Ok,” Harry mumbled the moment before sleep finally claimed him.

Ron sighed and closed his own eyes. He was just about to join Harry when Neville’s trembling voice broke the silence. “Ron?”

Ron’s eyes opened slowly as he groaned, “What Neville?”

“Peppy- he-he didn’t really die did he?”

The last sound in the room was the fluttering of the book as it flew through the air and collided with Neville’s head.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione blinked their heavy eyes several times. Snape had woken up a total of three times throughout the course of that first night. Harry and Ron tended to him the best they could, but he still succeeded in depriving most of the Gryffindors of sleep. Slytherins kept laughing at them, especially when Harry walked into one of the suits of armor- causing it to topple over on top of him.

This time, Ron carried Snape on his back as the three made their way to Transfigurations. Hermione had given Snape another toy- this one similar to a Muggle Yo-Yo. Instead of working with a string, the ball flew out and was repelled back with magic. It probably hadn’t been the brightest idea that she’d ever had, because Snape kept flinging it towards students who walked by. He had already knocked Colin Creevey in the head as the boy tried to get a picture. Fred had taken him to the infirmary.

They yawned as they took their seats in McGonagall’s Transfiguration class. The woman lifted her eyebrow and deposited a brown package tied with string in front of Harry. “More supplies,” she clarified before taking Snape from Hermione.

She lifted him high. “Well,” she began as she eyed the baby in front of her- taking in his frown with a bemused expression on her face, “still in a bad mood- are we? There weren’t many of us who terribly missed your presence at the staff meeting.” Snape sneered and bobbed his head to the side. McGonagall shook her own head and walked over to a playpen which had been placed near her desk at the front of the room. She laid him inside and added a fuzzy werewolf doll to occupy himself with.

It had to be the first time Ron and Harry had been just as excited as Hermione about going to Transfigurations class. Now free of Snape for the moment (although they were informed that it was still their responsibility to attend to his needs) they dove into their assignment of transforming mittens into squirrels, and then back again. Ron’s head kept dancing mercilessly close to the pile in front of him- until McGonagall snapped for him to wake up.

Hermione finished her own pile quickly and took the opportunity to read up on her Arithmancy. Harry kept trying to catch the squirrels, which managed to scamper away from him. He wasn't alone, as the other half of the class was having much the same problem. Although Neville’s were much easier to grab a hold of since his squirrels had a single finger of cloth sticking up from their foreheads.

When McGonagall left to fetch some supplies for the class of forth years she had next, Draco stood up and sauntered over to Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Seamus’ table. Shadowed- of course- by Crabbe and Goyle.

“Rough night Potter?” he asked in an oily drawl as he picked up one of Neville’s botched mittens. Spinning in the Slytherin's pinched fingers, it chattered angrily at him.

“Leave me alone Malfoy,” Harry replied, plucking the squirrel-mitt from Draco and handing it back to Neville, who was luckily sitting behind him. “I’m in no mood this morning.”

Ron muttered something about puppies and shotguns as he snored into the pile of mittens.

Draco smiled viciously in reply. “Of course not Potter. I can imagine that Professor Snape made sure you paid for your incompetence in his classroom- all of your incompetence.”

“Shut up and sit down,” Harry growled back. Malfoy opened his mouth to say something, when one of Seamus’ squirrels unexpectedly exploded.

Ron snapped his head up. “Got him!” he cried victoriously before blinking his eyes and turning his head towards the smoke. “Oh- only you Seamus.”

“I can’t do it!” Seamus exclaimed angrily, smashing his wand down onto the table.

“Cheer up Seamus,” Ron replied before slapping him on the back in an encouraging manner. “You’ll get the hang of it soon enough.”

“Or blow up the entire school trying,” Malfoy sneered in return. He reached down and lifted Seamus’ wand off the table- flexing it between his fingers. “I wonder why Dumbledore ever let a Squib like you come to Hogwarts in the first place.”

Harry slammed his fists on the desk as he jumped out of his seat. “Watch your stinking mouth! And take that back while your at it!”

Malfoy smiled nastily. “Never.”

“Why you-” Harry growled and reached his arm out towards his blonde rival. Luckily, Ron managed to take hold of him this time, and he forced Harry back into his seat just as McGonagall strolled back in. She took one look at the scene and cleared her throat.

“Back to your seats young men!” She snapped angrily before adding, “Five points from Slytherin.”

Draco frowned and glared at Harry before making his way back to their table. Before he sat down, he tossed Seamus’ wand from his hand... right towards Snape’s play pen.

Snape, who had busied himself by smashing the head of his werewolf between the wooden bars, paused as the wand landed next to him. He dropped the werewolf plush to the side, forgotten. Snape smiled in glee as he regarded his new toy, and took it happily into his fingers.

“Professor McGonagall,” Seamus waited for their Professor to turn to him. “Draco took my wand.”

She snapped her head towards the three Slytherins. “Return Mr. Finnegan’s wand at once, Mr. Malfoy.”

“I don’t have it Professor,” Draco replied, holding up his empty hands for her to see. McGonagall narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

“Where is it?”

Draco shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe it blew up.”

Several of the other Slytherins snickered at this while Seamus’ face flushed a deep red. Hermione’s eyes left her book and gazed around the room. “Professor McGonagall,” she began as she spotted Seamus’ mahogany wand in Snape’s hands, “Professor Snape has it.”

McGonagall turned towards the playpen and sighed. She walked quickly over towards the pen while speaking to Draco. “How did Snape come to posses it Mr. Malfoy?”

Draco shrugged again. “Not a clue, Professor.”

McGonagall raised an eyebrow sceptically and leaned over the side of the pen. Snape eyed her warily and clutched the wand tighter in his fingers, falling onto his back. “Severus- the wand please.” She asked as she reached out to pluck it from his grasp.

Snape began to tear up.

“Oh come now,” she snapped irritably. “Give it here.”

“He doesn’t understand Professor,” Hermione answered- angry with McGonagall for the first time ever. “He’s only a baby.”

“I can see the state of Professor Snape, Miss Granger. I assure you- I am not yet blind.” McGonagall answered, head tilted to the side in surprise at Hermione’s outburst.

Snape glanced back and forth at the two for several moments, the tears slowly making their way down his face. It was quite clear to everyone in the classroom he did not want to give up this new toy.

“Maybe you should ask Malfoy to get it from him,” Ron began, a wicked smile stretched across his face. “He’s used to stealing from babies.”

“What was that Weasley!” Draco shouted back.

McGonagall turned around and drew her arms together in front of her chest angrily. “Mr. Weasley- apologize this instance. Honestly, I’m beginning to wonder if this entire class room is filled with infants the way you are all behaving toda---”

Unfortunately, Professor McGonagall never had the chance to finish her sentence, because her feet slowly began to leave the ground. The class watched- wide eyed with astonishment- as she continued to rise higher and higher into the air. She swung her hands around savagely, trying to grab hold of anything that might bring her back down.

Harry gaped open-mouthed as she then began to streak across the room. Back and forth she flew, as if riding on top of his Firebolt, except there was no broom under her control.

McGonagall shrieked out in terror as she almost collided with a wall- turning the second before hitting and flying towards the other wall across the room. Everyone had their heads tilted backwards- turning from side to side as they watched her bolt around.

“GET ME DOWN FROM HERE! GET ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!” McGonagall screamed, her voice a study in horror. Soon she was covering her head with her arms as she flew towards the window- only to zoom back towards the ceiling a second later.

Harry heard the unmistakable giggle of Snape and his eyes snapped back down to earth. His gaze drifted towards the crib, and there he found a sight he couldn’t believe. Uttering no spells or incantations was Snape, who only laughed with glee as he watched McGonagall fly through the air. His arm was busy waving the wand back and forth, and without any particular pattern.

Hagrid’s voice rang out in Harry’s mind. Ever do anything you couldn’t explain? Anything when you were scared or angry?

“It’s Snape!” Harry exclaimed to Hermione as he jumped over his table and raced towards the playpen where Snape was still waving the wand back and forth. Harry leaned over the side and wretched it out of his grasp. As soon as Snape’s hand was disconnected from the wand, McGonagall stopped mid-air.

“Uh-oh,” Ron muttered.

She fell and crashed right on top of Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle. The four thrashed around for a few moments- McGonagall’s striped stocking's kicked furiously over the top of the table before she managed to catch a chair and haul herself to a standing position.

Crabbe and Goyle soon followed, pulling Malfoy to his feet. McGonagall shook her head a few times- but one of Goyle’s squirrels had been caught in the bun atop her hair and was busying itself by burrowing deeper into it. Oblivious, McGonagall straightened her glasses- and glared right towards the crib. She began to shake with anger and pointed a trembling finger towards Harry- who was now holding Snape. Snape himself had begun to cry at the top of his lungs.

“All three of you get--- get--- get---- him out of here! Right now! And don’t come back!” She continued to shake with fury- her face red- as she attempted to pull the squirrel away from her head. Harry nonchalantly walked over to Seamus, returned his wand, and then walked out the door.

Hermione and Ron stood wordlessly and grabbed their books before following Harry and Snape from the room.

Once out in the hall, Harry placed Snape back into the carrier Ron had strapped onto his back. Snape continued to wail with fury. Hermione smoothed Snape’s hair down with a motherly caress before placing a dummy into his mouth. He tried to refuse it the first few times- but by the third accepted it quietly and began to suck on it.

Harry stood motionless for a few minutes- regarding Snape as if he'd never quite seen him before. Perhaps he truly hadn't. Snape glared back and narrowed his large black eyes, but regardless of this, a slow smile etched its way across Harry’s face.

“Foolish wand waving Professor?”

Snape -to Harry‘s great surprise- smiled back around the dummy. Harry patted his head a few times, and stepped away to join a grinning Ron and a furious Hermione.

“That was bloody brilliant!” Ron exclaimed as the trio made its way towards the trap door of the Divination classroom. “Seeing old McGonagall zooming around like that! Simply Marvellous! Wonder how he did it! Wouldn’t mind trying that with Trelawney sometime.”

“Hagrid once told me you don’t need an incantations for magic. As much as I hate to say this, Snape is pretty powerful,” Harry replied, matching Ron’s long strides. “And he was really upset when she wanted to take away the wand.”

“That was still a very difficult spell. To levitate a person around like that?” Hermione muttered, gazing at Snape. “And at his size?”

“He must still have some of his power,” Ron added. “Enough to do that. Better be more careful around him- that means no spanking." His face fell. "And I was really hoping I’d get to spank him.”

Hermione’s mouth fluttered furiously a few times before she could speak. “Ronald Weasley! Your not serious are you! Spanking a baby!?”

Ron waved his hand. “No- not a baby. Snape. Spanking Snape. A jolly good one too. Considered asking Mum for the family paddle.”

“He’s a baby!” Hermione shrieked.

Ron shrugged. “Ya, got a point there. Damn. I was really looking forward to that.”

Hermione stopped in front of the two of them, anger etched in every line of her face. “I’ve got to go to the library. I want to read up on Aging potions to see if I can figure something out. But if you two try anything with him…” her face drew conspiratorially closer, “I’ll hex you both to spit out slugs.”

Ron shivered as that unpleasant memory flowed through him. “Alright- best behavior. I promise.”

Harry nodded vigorously. “Promise.”

Hermione eyed them before turning around and making her way towards the library, her hair somehow frizzier with her temper.

Ron turned towards Harry. “She’s really starting to take a liking to him, isn’t she?”

Harry shrugged. “After McGonagall I’m starting to take a liking to him. At least like this. Well, don’t want to wipe his arse again mind you.”

Ron nodded seriously. “Ya, I understand. Whose turn is it next anyway?”

“Yours.”

“Bloody hell.”

The smell of Trelawney’s classroom made both boys wince as the incense wafted around their faces. Doing his best to ignore it, Ron unbuckled the carrier and removed Snape, glancing around the room for a playpen. “Where’s that blasted thing at?” he mumbled.

Harry joined him and shrugged. “Don’t see one. Let’s just lay him on the table. Maybe we‘ll be able to get out of a reading.”

“Alright,” Ron agreed before taking a seat, waiting for Harry to sit beside him before depositing Snape on the table next to the crystal ball. Snape floundered about on his stomach for a few moments like a fish suddenly tossed onto dry land, but soon enough he regained his bearings... and promptly spat out the dummy. Harry and Ron glanced at each other.

“Better give him something else,” Harry quickly suggested.

Ron dug through the bag and withdrew a plastic hammer, which he passed along to Snape. Snape gladly snatched it and began to smack the table in front of him. It let out a squeak every time he bashed it down. “Destructive little bugger, isn't he?”

Harry nodded his agreement, but there was no time to say any more as the class began to fill with the other students busy taking their seats around the room. Parvati and Lavender threw wistful glances towards Snape, which he responded to with snarls.

The story of McGonagall’s fate quickly fluttered through the room, and each student gazed at their own wands. No doubt everyone was considering whether they should ‘accidentally’ deposit it next to Snape once Trelawney wandered out of whatever shadow she was hiding in.

It was no secret that Snape despised Trelawney even more than McGonagall. Far as rumor went, McGonagall he often fought with over Quidditch matches. Trelawney he hated just because she taught the most preposterous art of divination which, according to Snape, was tantamount to a silly excuse to drink tea all day long and stare at your own image. Better to have been taught by that git Lockhart. He had also informed them that Trelawney had predicted his own death daily for twelve years.

Today will be a most horrible day for you Severus, I fear to say I have seen that you will be leaving us. To this Snape usually waved his hand and stalked away muttering about crazy old hags wearing too much make-up and jewellery. Harry was glad he wasn’t the only person to have been singled out, even if the other recipient of daily predictions of doom and death was his least favorite Professor.

Harry and Ron also hated Divination, although Harry had at one time witnessed the only occasion Trelawney had actually made a successful prediction.

Trelawney soon seeped into the room, moving with a strangely eerie glide, as if she were wading waist-high through the lake. She gazed around at them with glazed eyes. Ron often whispered his suspicions to Harry that incense wasn’t the only thing she burned before class.

“Welcome back my young seers,” Trelawney hummed to them all in her usual ethereal voice. “Today we are joined by one of my colleagues. I regret to say I tried to warn him before that the 26th of September would be the day a disaster would strike him.” She sighed with forced dramatics before continuing. “He, unfortunately, disregarded my warning and owled back to leave him alone. I am, of course, giving a censored version of his message. He also threatened to poison my stock of tea leaves.” She shook her head sadly. “He has always been most un-appreciative of the inner eye. I- of course- knew he would not be able to full fill his threat.”

Ron leaned closer to Harry. “I hope we aren’t reading tea leaves today.”

Harry nodded in total agreement.

Trelawney continued, oblivious to the slightly nervous air her words had provoked. “Today we shall all be attempting to forsee our futures with chicken bones. Divination by casting bones is a very ancient art dating back to pre-Roman era. It is well known that the demise of Julius Caesar was foretold in the bones." She threw a glance at Snape. “He too was hesitant to take the warning of the Ides of March. We all know the result of that mistake.”

She withdrew a purple velvet pouch and stepped towards the table set up in the middle of the room. She shook it a few times before throwing the contents on a table. Several of the bones rolled around or flipped as they slid across the table, but ultimately came to a hault. She gazed at them for a few moments before shaking her head. “I fear I have another prediction for Professor Snape.”

Snape chose that moment to knock his toy hammer against the crystal ball beside him. It let out a long squeak.

“Oh dear- I see more eminent disasters ahead of him. Here,” she pointed to a wing bone which stood at a horizontal position to the skull, “this bone indicates a great struggle of the mind. I am aware that they are trying to find a way to reverse his situation.” She studied the bones for a few more minutes. “I am afraid to inform you, Severus, that they will not be successful.”

Squeak.

“Yes, most disappointing news, Severus. I know many here will sorely miss your knowledge with Potions.”

Several of the students looked to each other and shook their heads. Snape smacked the hammer and snarled towards Trelawney.

“Now, before we all try to determine the fates- please pass in the assignment from our last class.”

Ron sighed and pulled out his parchment. When Trelawney came to their table, she regarded the parchment for several moments. “Another unfortunate accident, Mr. Weasley?” She lifted a penciled brow.

“The baby ate it.” He pointed towards Snape. Trelawney gazed down at Snape, seemingly to regard the long line of drool hanging from his mouth.

“Ah yes, much as I saw. I must admit- the site of Severus chewing on it from the clouds in my gaze confused me at the time. The things we view in the ball are often not clearly defined to the reader until they happen.”

Ron rolled his eyes as she collected Harry’s parchment before moving on.

“Now, please pass these pouches along. Shake them in the same manner- and then attempt to read your destinies.” She handed a box of pouches to Neville- who took one and sent it to the next person sitting beside him.

When Ron and Harry finally received their own, they each shook them violently. “C’mon lucky seven,” Harry muttered to the bag. Ron gazed at him quizzically before they both let them loose onto the table.

Snape watched the bones bouncing around and smiled impishly. “Gaaa,” He cried out, reaching for the nearest one.

“Oh no you don’t.” Harry placed the hammer back into his hand. “Play with this instead.”

“It’s creepy how much he likes parts of dead things,” Ron observed. “Eyes, bones, tongues, livers, hearts.”

Harry nodded as Snape began to beat the hammer onto the bones. Ron pulled out his book and flipped through it’s pages. Soon he pointed to one of the bones on the table. “Upside down wish bone. Bad sign old boy. You’re going to have---” Snape smacked the wishbone, causing it to flip right side up, “never mind. Now you’re going to have a very large financial gain in your future. Hey Snape, hit mine too!”

And so it went for the duration of the class. Harry and Ron continued to read their bones- which Snape continued to hammer at, changing their outcome in the process. Sometimes for the better, but mostly for the worse. Ron even began a game to see which of them Snape decided should have the better life. To Ron’s surprise, or lack there-of depending on how you look at it, Harry ended up being eternally doomed. Destined to die by either an enemy’s hand- or a badger. At least- Ron thought it read badger.

“Never liked badgers anyway,” Harry stated cheerfully.

Trelawney reached their table and gazed down at Harry’s pile. “Oh dear,” she gasped.

“Is it a badger?” Ron asked gleefully.

Trelawney shook her head. “No my dear boy, it is the Grim!” She clasped her hands in dread and leaned down closer to the table, her head now mere inches from Snape.

“Are you sure?” Ron asked looking at it. “Swore it was a badger.”

“Ya, don’t you think the Grim is a little over used by now?” Harry asked. Just then Snape hit the bone beside it. Snape turned to Trelawney- a smirk on his face.

“Oh dear. Now I’m afraid the reading is completely useless,” she murmured dreamily. “I’ll have to mark off points.”

“What?? C’mon! We didn’t do it!”

Trelawney shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sorry boys.” Harry turned to take the hammer away from Snape when he noticed that Snape had dropped it and was eyeing something more fascinating to him. He kept reaching out towards Trelawney’s ear. “Yes, bones are only done right with the first toss,” she continued- oblivious to Snape’s movements. A light shake of her head showed Harry what Snape was eyeing- a golden earring.

Harry remained very silent but shouldered Ron and darted his eyes towards Snape.

Before Trelawney moved her head up, Snape’s fingers had snatched her earring and began to tug. She grimaced in pain and instinctively moved her head closer to him. “Oww!” she gasped.

Snape continued to tug at it, trying with small amount of strength he had to remove the object from her. Trelawney quickly jerked her head back up. Unfortunately, the sudden movement caused the earring to tear out of her ear, and was left in Snape‘s hand. Her eyes watered as blood began to run down her neck.

“Professor Trelawney!” Parvati and Lavender cried out, rushing to get a tissue for her. The next instant Ron had frozen the end of it with an charm to freeze an end, and handed it to her. Trelawney winced as she placed it against her ear.

“Class is dismissed,” she said, moving down the trap door and move off to the infirmary, but not before snatching her earring back from Snape.

“Guess the crystal ball didn’t show her that,” Ron whispered with delight to Harry, who was hiding a smile behind his hand.

Hermione grinned at their tale of Trelawney’s mishap as she fed Snape. Ron ducked as another sauce missle flew towards his head. “She should know better than to wear jewellery around a baby,” Hermione stated matter-of-factly as she thrust the spoon into Snape’s mouth. Most of it ended up on the tray.

“No kidding. Anyone seen McGonagall?” he asked, taking a bite from his sandwich.

Neville leaned towards them. “The Professor ended up digging that squirrel out of her hair for the rest of class. She was practically spitting nails.”

Collin, who had hidden himself behind Angelina, nodded. “Trelawney’s ear is better. I saw her as I left the infirmary.”

“She didn’t ban us from class,” Ron said and frowned. He turned to Snape. “Try to make it the whole ear next time.”

Snape swallowed some of the fruit.

“Don’t encourage him Ron.” Hermione smiled and winked. It was no secret that she also despised Trelawney.

“Did you find out anything?” Harry asked, motioning to the pile of books in front of her.

“Not yet,” She replied. “OOoohhh! Look at the dragon Sevvy! It’s coming down for a landing!” She sang, waving the spoon about before plopping it into his mouth.

“Better make that McGonagall,” Ron remarked before taking a sip from his pumpkin juice.

Hermione pressed the pushchair forward as they walked towards Hagrid’s hut where they would be having the Care of Magical Creatures class. The sun was shinning brightly despite the slight autumn chill in the air.

Hermione had dressed Snape in a white long-sleeved shirt covered by bright yellow overalls bearing a strange purple Dragon on the front that danced around. “Blarney the Dragon!” Ron had shouted in disgust.

Snape’s head was covered by a yellow hat that also had an accesory in the form of a fuzzy ball on the top. They had also given him a pair of boots to wear over his feet.

Ron and Harry had dissuaded Hermione from attempting to put a tiny pair of mittens over his hands. Neither were able to take any more of Hermione’s antics inspired by Snape’s ‘adorable attire.’

Snape himself was not very happy with the entire outfit. He kept trying to tug his hat off, but was unable to fully manage it, leaving Hermione to quietly tut him with each failed attempt.

When they walked up towards the back of Hagrid’s hut, they immediately noticed the half-giant leaning over several crates. All three instantly flinched- wondering what kind of monsters Hagrid had in store for them today.

Hagrid continued to busy himself until he saw them approaching, and then gave up whatever he had been doing in favor of clasping his hands together in delight as he regarded the pushchair. “Is it ain't the lil tyke now!” he exclaimed, excitement sparkling from his eyes.

Harry and Ron turned and smiled at each other while Hermione lifted Snape out of the pushchair and held him out for Hagrid to inspect.

Hagrid studied Snape for several minutes, much in the way he might one of his monsterous pets, before shaking his head in wonder. “Looks just like ‘emself don’ he?! Look at them eyes! If they aren’t the cutest things I ever seen in me life I’ll eat Dumbledore’s beard!” He held his arms out longingly. “Let me hold ‘em 'Ermione.”

Hermione regarded Hagrid, clearly debating the wisdom of handing Snape over in her mind. They all knew Hagrid was a ‘gentle-giant’, but this was a baby Snape. Given the incidents with the other teachers- well- she just wasn’t very certain. However, the way he kept hopping from one foot to the other eventually wore away at her, and soon enough Hermione gave in.

Hagrid took Snape and held him closely. “Aww! I never knew Professor! I never knew! I remember he was a fairly good kid when he was 'ere all them years ago. Well, maybe a little off ter 'emself.”

“You knew Professor Snape when he was a student?” Ron asked incredulously. Harry thought that he was probably found it just as hard to picture Snape as a student as Harry himself did. Despite their inability to picture a student-sized Snape, Hagrid nodded to the affirmative.

“Yep, I did Ron. Known yer dad too, 'Arry. ‘Course yeh already knew that.” He smiled at Harry before returning his attention to Snape. “Let’s sit on the bench o’er there. Discuss bits.”

Harry regarded the rest of the students. “What about them?”

“Oh,” Hagrid replied, clearly having forgotten this was his class in his excitement. “Righ'. You all! All yer have ter do is take the cubs out ‘o those boxes and put 'em into their pens. Then feed ‘em a bit ‘o that meat o’er there. Careful now- they’re teethin'.”

“Aren’t you going to show us how!?” Malfoy called back, all the while inching away from one of the crates as it shook.

“It’s pretty simple, Malfoy! If yer worried about it, wear yer gloves!”

Malfoy visibly swallowed as he opened the crate. Harry heard him scream in terror. Draco then slowly backed away- ordering Crabbe and Goyle to take over as they all sat down.

“Um, Hagrid, what’s in the crates?” Harry asked, eyeing the other students who were literally shaking out of their boots.

“Oh, jus' a few things I ordered from the Bestiary near Glanhouse. Lucky we were to get ’em too. Centycores are hard beasts to get yer hands on this time ’o year. Won’ be ready to talk for a while, though. Righ' shame tha' is, fun part yer know.”

Harry watched, unaware his jaw was hanging open, as Crabbe and Goyle yanked one of the strangest creatures he had ever seen from the crate. Standing as tall as Goyle's hip, the thing was as Frankenstein a creature as Hagrid had ever shown them. The Centycores had legs shaped after a lion, only with hooves on the end instead of paws. Huge elephantine ears covered in a corse orange fur flapped over the side of their heads, and a ten point antler seemed the cherry atop it all as it stuck out of the middle of the thing's head. The thing which drew the most attention- however- was it’s muzzle, the sort you'd see on a snarling bear, and the muzzle itself was enourmous and filled with rows of razor sharp teeth.

“There yeh are Goyle! Oh, mind the antler! Tha's gotta smart. Ah, they've got it under control." Hagrid said dismissively. "Now, abou' Professor Snape when he came to school.”

Hagrid rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a few moments. While he pondered through his memories, Harry heard another student scream as one of the Centycores got out of his hands and charged. “Well, see now, he was a sligh' ‘o a thing. Very quiet most of the time. Kept ter ‘emself. Knew loads about everythin’ though. I used to catch ‘em out at night pickin' various plants for one ‘o his projects. Never ‘ad the ‘eart to turn ‘im in.” Hagrid glanced down at Snape who yawned. “Absolutely ‘ated yer father though, 'Arry. Bit jealous I s’pose. James was the star Quidditch player at the time. Severus was a beater fer Slytherin, but never got the same attention. He and Black locked horns quite a few times. Nasty temper on both of ‘em.”

“Snape played Quidditch!” Harry asked, astounded.

“Well, sure he did ‘Arry.” Hagrid replied. “He referees now when Hooch can‘t.”

Harry nodded. That made sense. “Was he good?”

Hagrid nodded. “A bit on the mean side with the bat- if yer ask me. But no one can say he didn’ deserve ter be on the team. Kept the Bludgers off his people an' sent ‘em ter the other teams. Fine player.”

At that moment Snape’s face contorted and he began to wail. Hagrid smiled down and motioned for the bag. Harry complied, and watched as the half-giant quickly mixed some formula together in a bottle and popped it into Snape’s mouth.

“He just ate!” Hermione exclaimed. Hagrid shrugged his shoulders.

“Sometimes they need a bit more, ‘Mione. Growth spurts an' all.” Hagrid nodded. “Not too much- or he'll get an ache. No good they are.” Hagrid continued to feed him for a few minutes longer until he pulled the bottle away and placed it back in the bag. He then began to burp him.

“Maybe Snape should stay here with you,” Ron suggested slyly. Hagrid turned to him as Snape let out a particularly long belch.

“Now Ron. This is yer job. I’m jus' helpin' out a little. Wise man, Dumbledore.” Hagrid nodded.

Harry looked up in time to see Draco strutting across the yard towards them. For a moment, Harry was worried that Draco would end up complaining he had his head bit off- or some other absurd complaint. To his surprise, he only stared at Hagrid (who was at eye-level with Malfoy standing while he remained sitting) for a few moments. “Hagrid-” Draco began. “Since I’m finished can I hold the Professor?”

Hermione lept from her seat and was about to tackle Malfoy for even suggesting it when Ron pulled her firmly back down. Harry eyed Draco suspiciously, but said nothing. Hagrid beamed. “Why, sure yeh can!”

He happily handed Snape over to Draco- who took him awkwardly at first before adjusting Snape till he was facing him. Snape blinked at him a few times before smirking. Draco smirked back. It was a Slytherin moment that made Ron and Harry want to gag. “I see he’s still in good health. Lucky for you, Potter.”

“What did you think I was going to do to him Draco? Toss him out the window?”

Still holding his Head of House, Draco sat next to them on a stump which stuck out of the ground a foot. He placed Snape on his knee- making sure that Snape was facing towards him. Draco continued to examine the baby's state of health.

“I had my doubts,” Draco replied. “Pansy has been extremely unhappy that Dumbledore placed him with the three of you. He should be with Slytherins where he belongs, not with thickheaded Gryffindors.”

Ron rolled his eyes. “Ya, then he’d just have to worry about getting stabbed in the back.”

“Whatever Weasel. Point is, not a very smart thing of Dumbledore, then again--” Draco was about to continue when he caught the flash of anger in Hagrid’s eyes. “Oh, never mind. You know what I mean anyway.”

Draco sighed at Snape. “Look at what they’ve done to you Professor. You were absolutely right about them.”

Snape’s cheeks bulged out for a moment and Draco tilted his blonde head to the side. “Maybe he’s going to say something? Like get me out of that two-bit, flea ridden, Gryffindor hou--”

What remained of the formula was then promptly regurgitated from Snape’s mouth onto Draco’s face.

Draco blinked.

Snape blinked.

Then Draco practically threw Snape back to Hermione, stood up, and turned on his heel- not even bothering to strut as he ran for the infirmary. Wiping his face and cursing the entire way.

The entire class burst into laughter. Even Crabbe and Goyle joined in.

“Guess yer were righ' ‘Mione,” Hagrid howled. “It was a bit too much!”