"Master Harry," Nitty said levelly, taking control of the situation, "step aside." Nitty waved her hands at him. She had dealt with this before, and she knew what to do. Harry did as he was told, letting Nitty come close to Snape's prostrate form. She knelt down and checked his pulse. With a quick nod, she checked his breathing, and seeming satisfied got up.

"Master Harry," she said, "I's'll get the school nurse, Madame Pomfrey. Don't you go a-wandring off!" With that, she disapparated.

Harry sat down next to Snape, and pulled his knees close as he watched Snape lying there unconscious. He was worried, about Snape, and about what would happen to him when Snape woke up. He knew he had to address Snape about the trap he had laid, because the longer it took to close around him, the more it would hurt, and he wanted to have the other metaphorical shoe fall as quickly as possible. Snape looked awful though, and Harry could only imagine that he had gone unresponsive from the pain. That had happened to him often enough.

Snape's breath was coming in shuttering gasps. Harry could see numerous little cuts all over him, and his hands were covered in blisters, and there was a rash and it looked like in places, Snape's skin was eaten away. Harry remembered things like that happening to him if certain cleaners got spilled on him.

Harry was brought out of his musings by the door opening, and a woman running it with Nitty trotting behind her. He quickly got up, and the woman looked at him for a moment. Harry hoped she would ignore him. He didn't really want her to pay any attention to him. Shaking her head, she knelt beside Snape, and started doing magic. Harry began wringing his hands. He'd never seen magic performed like this. He'd seen what Nitty did, but that was alright. She wasn't human. This woman was saying funny things, and she had a stick that she moved around. As she did it, Snape began to look better. The cuts, burns, and blisters started going away.

Finally Snape let out a sigh.

"Thank you, Poppy," he said, still without opening his eyes. Then all of a sudden, remembering Harry, he opened his eyes and propped himself up on his hands, looking around until his eyes fell on him. Harry began to quiver with the apprehension building up in him.

"Harry," he said, worried, "are you alright?" Harry nodded. He certainly wasn't going to admit anything in front of this strange woman.

"Harry?" Poppy questioned. "Harry Potter? This is Harry Potter?"

"Yes, woman," Snape snapped at her. Harry flinched. "And don't question anything else if you value your life. There's forces at work here which I don't understand, so the less you have to do with the whole situation the better."

"Alright, Severus," Poppy said, trying to calm him down. She was used to his sharp tongue after Death Eater meetings. The man was impossible then! He always came back in a foul mood, most likely from his pain, and he could be near impossible to handle. She saw his words for what they meant - that if she knew too much, her life would be in danger, and he was simply trying to protect her.

"You can leave now," he said, getting up, and wincing. There was some pain even Poppy wasn't able to take from him. He was stabilized, but the Cruciatus left a residual pain for some time that no one knew how to remove. It was just a fact of life Severus had learned how to deal with. He knew he had bargained for this when he became a Death Eater, and he bargained again when he agreed to spy.

"Alright," Poppy agreed. "You know to call me if you need any further help." Snape just grunted at her and turned his back. Poppy left, closing the door behind her.

.oO-Oo.

Severus' eyes fell on Harry standing there, quivering, eyes wide, wringing his hands like a blasted house elf. He ran his hand over his face and groaned. His temper was at its shortest right now, and Harry couldn't be put off. He wouldn't dream of putting him off. He'd been ignored for so long that no matter how much pain he was in - no matter how much he wanted to lie down and sleep - he had to stay with Harry. He would just have to make very sure that he stayed calm.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Severus said, sitting down on the couch. "Come over here, child." He motioned Harry over tiredly. Slowly and cautiously Harry edged his way near Severus until Severus reached out and brought Harry into his lap. Harry let out a small yelp at the contact, like he had been expecting to be struck. Well, of course he was expecting that! Severus reprimanded himself. He was obviously in pain, and Harry wasn't stupid. Harry knew that people in pain were short tempered. Heck, Harry had seen his short temper with Poppy and would obviously see himself as the next victim.

"I promise I won't hurt you," Severus said, feeling his anger go down as he held Harry. "Are you alright? Really alright?"

"Sir," Harry said, clearly summoning every ouch of courage he had, "I know you don't care about me, and I've fallen into your trap, so you can just start hurting me now. Please." Harry's breath was coming fast now, and he was bordering on a panic attack. Severus summoned a calming potion and handed it to him.

"Drink that, and then explain what you're talking about," he said, still tired, but surprisingly not frustrated. Harry glanced at him warily, but tipped the vial back and drank it.

"Now, tell me what you mean, Harry," Severus said, accepting the vial back. Honestly, the sort of things this child could come up with! Sometimes he just couldn't follow. He least not without an explanation, and then it all made perfect sense. The hell he had been raised in was enough to make anyone come to startling conclusions sometimes.

"I don't know how to start, sir," Harry said.

"Alright," Severus sighed. "Let's take this one step at a time. Why don't you think I care about you? Do you remember telling me that people don't cry unless they care?"

"Yes, I do, sir," Harry stated, careful, Severus noticed, not to lean against him or take any comfort. This wasn't just some idle play for attention, or Harry would be cuddling. No, Harry truly believed what he was saying. Severus would have to find some way to quell this child's insecurities. "I remember, but you were acting."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because you laid a trap for me. You made me care about you, and now you're going to start being cruel. And since I have started caring about you, and I know about your trap, you can stop pretending." Severus just took Harry's hand and idly began to trace circles with him thumb while he thought about that information. He wasn't sure why Harry thought that, but apparently he did, and it was tearing him apart.

"Harry," he finally said. "Why do you think I've laid a trap for you?"

"Because you're a Death Eater!" Severus choked back his surprise.

"How do you know about Death Eaters?"

"Nitty told me! But I made her tell me, so don't be angry with her!" Harry slid off Severus' lap and stood in front of him, shaking, waiting to be struck.

"Nitty!" Severus called. He would have to have another talk with her, and this one he'd have in front of Harry. At least the story was beginning to come together now. The little house elf popped next to Harry, who jumped clean off the ground.

"What did you tell Harry about Death Eaters?" he drawled. Honestly, he was keeping his temper very well right now. Even though he knew he was falling into his usual sarcasm, if he did as he felt like doing, he probably would be shouting and storming around. Well, no, not storming around. He was in too much pain for that. Just shouting.

"I's said they was cruel to their elves!" she said, her eyes wide. "And that they do dark magic, and follow You-Know-Who!"

"Then how does Harry come to the conclusion that I'm a Death Eater?" He almost rolled his eyes at Nitty. Honestly, the ineptitude of his elf sometimes! It was enough to make him want to pull his hair on a good day, and right now, if it wasn't for his mental control, he knew he would have lost it. Of course, he really did appreciate her, but sometimes she was just too much.

"You was at a Death Eater meeting, sir!" she squeaked. Then suddenly she seemed to see her mistake.

"Now, Nitty," Severus continued to drawl, "if you would be so kind as to explain to Harry that I may not be, in fact, a Death Eater?"

"Master Severus isn't a Death Eater!" she assured Harry. "He's just a spy! I'm sorry! Master Severus isn't cruel to his elf. And he doesn't like You-Know-Who!"

"Nitty," Severus said, not really concealing his anger, but also not shouting at her, "you know I've sworn you to secrecy on this matter. Why did you speak in such a way to mislead Harry?"

"I's didn't mean to, sir!" Nitty pleaded. Severus sighed, clearly disgusted.

"Of course, of course," he said, desperately trying to reign in his temper. "Just - please - don't talk to Harry about those sort of things. Harry," he said turning to the boy, still very anxious, "do you understand what Nitty said?"

"I think so, sir," he said.

"I'm a spy," Severus said. "I work for Dumbledore, and for the Dark Lord. Harry, you can't possibly understand everything that I have to deal with. Like I said, I live a complicated life. I will not tell you who I really work for. Nitty believes that I am not a Death Eater because I am not cruel to her. The Minister of Magic believes that I am because of this," and Severus pulled back his sleeve, showing Harry the faint outline of the Dark Mark. Harry gasped. "That is what is called the Dark Mark. It's the symbol of the Dark Lord, and his Death Eaters wear it as a tribute to him. I can't tell you who I really serve," Severus said, "because if you knew, both sides would try to kill you. I can't risk your life. I need you to trust me to always love you. I know it's hard, and know you won't be able to right away. I will never do anything to hurt you. I have not laid any trap for you. Everything is as I tell you it is. I care about you. And I am very, very touched that you care about me." He opened his arms to welcome Harry into a hug, and Harry rushed to him. Severus scooped him up, and let him cry into his robes, much as it hurt to move.

Honestly, Severus wasn't really sure who served at the moment either. He remembered asking Lucius to look after Harry if anything happened to him, and maybe if he hadn't been so concerned about dying right then, he would have chosen someone else, but between his fear and his pain-induced delirium, what was done, was done. Due to his unique position, Severus could easily switch sides twenty times in a day and no one but himself would know the difference.

After a few minutes, Harry spoke between choked sobs. "Who is the Dark Lord? Nitty called him You-Know-Who, but I don't know who! She said I should, but I don't!"

"Shh," Severus murmured, stroking Harry's hair, "The Dark Lord is a wizard. Just a wizard. He has followers called Death Eaters, and these followers can be very cruel. Some are worse than others. The Dark Lord and his Death Eaters are very well known because there was a war that ended ten years ago, when a little boy survived the killing curse. He shouldn't have survived, but he did. And the Dark Lord fell that night. He will return one day, but for the moment he is not here. The Death Eaters continue to meet in his name, and carry out his work, but the Dark Lord is not here right now."

"Who was the little boy? Is he still alive?"

"That little boy," Severus said calmly, "is you. You are that boy, Harry. You brought down the Dark Lord." Harry blinked, and his mouth made an O.

"Should I be sorry?" he asked, puzzled. The Dark Lord was apparently a bad man, but...but...Harry didn't want to be responsible for killing someone!

"No, Harry, you shouldn't be sorry," Severus said, noticing that Harry's tears were drying in the interest of the story. Obviously the Dursleys had never told him. "You weren't responsible for anything that happened that night. No one knows why the curse didn't work on you. No one knows how you survived it, but you did, and the Dark Lord didn't. You didn't mean to kill the Dark Lord. It was an accident no matter what happened. But you are famous. Everyone knows that Harry Potter brought down the Dark Lord on Halloween, ten years ago."

"I'm famous?" Harry was still in awe at the story. How in the world did Snape always know what to say to him?

"Yes, you most certainly are famous," Severus said. "Everyone knows your name, and what happened that night. The side of the Light, as it is called, claims you as their hero, and there are Death Eaters who want to see you dead for what happened that night." Harry had a look of horror on his face. "I won't let this happen," Severus said quickly. "I will never let them touch you. There are other Death Eaters who support me in this. I am not the only one who won't see you harmed at their hands. I am also going to be protecting you from what the Light will do to you as well."

"Everyone wants to hurt me?" Harry asked dejectedly.

"Something like that," Severus drawled, but then reigned in his tongue as Harry flinched. "Harry, there are good people on both sides, and there are bad people on both sides. The good people on both sides will not stand by to see you harmed. The bad people don't care and will hurt you to gain their own ends." That old fool, Dumbledore, why, why, why?! "I will protect you from the bad people on both sides. I promise. It doesn't matter what side I'm on right now. I will not see you hurt." Harry nodded.

"Is that why you came back hurt?" Harry asked quietly.

"Is what why?"

"Because the bad Death Eaters didn't like you protecting me?" Severus sighed.

"Yes, that was essentially it," he agreed. He didn't like the amount of honesty he had going, but Harry had been lied to all his life. Severus concluded that an unhappy truth would be better than a candy-coated lie.

"I should go," Harry stated quickly, getting off Severus' lap, with silent tears rolling down his cheeks. "I can go back to the Dursleys," he volunteered. "That way you won't be protecting me, and they won't hurt you."

"No, Harry," Severus stated, determined. "You will not go back there! You - will - never - go - back! I don't care what happens to me. You will be kept safe."

"But I care about what happens to you," Harry said, still crying. "Everything I care about dies! I can't stay here!" Severus stood up, hiding his painful grimace, and knelt in front of Harry, meeting his eyes.

"I will always do my best to not die," he assured, taking Harry's hands in his own. "I can't promise I won't, but I will try my best. What do you mean that everything you care about dies?"

"My parents!" he almost screamed. "And my mouse!" He reached out and hugged Severus around his neck like he did just before Severus had left for the meeting.

"Shh," Severus whispered, rubbing Harry's back reassuringly. "Your parents were killed by the Dark Lord that night when he tried to kill you. They died trying to save you. They died honorably." Well, not that an eleven year old boy would care about honor. He just wanted his parents.

"See?" Harry whispered. "And they died."

"But it had nothing to do with you caring for them," Severus said. "There were...other reasons why the Dark Lord killed them. They opposed him, and they defied him, and he was determined to see them dead. He knew who they were and he hated them from before you existed. What's this about your mouse?"

"Can I show you?" Harry asked, burrowing his face into Severus' neck.

"Of course," Severus said, picking Harry up, and sitting back on the couch.

.oO-Oo.

The memory wasn't coherent. It was just little flashes, but Severus could sort out what was happening. Harry sat in his cupboard, hugging his knees, when there was a little motion in the corner that caught his attention. Curiosity got the better of his pain, and he began to watch intently. A little mouse poked his nose his out, and scuttled over the floor.

Next Severus saw Harry laying on his bed with the mouse in front of him. Harry was smiling, and running a finger over the mouse's soft fur. The mouse sat there and didn't seem to be afraid of Harry at all.

Then Harry was sitting on his mattress with a small piece of bread. Severus knew it was the only food Harry had gotten all week. But Harry picked a piece off and set it front of his mouse, and the mouse ate the food gratefully.

As certain pieces of knowledge came along with the memory, Severus knew that this sort of thing went on for some time. Harry fed his mouse out of his own meager rations of food, and the mouse lived off of what he could get from Harry. In all ways, the mouse became domesticated.

But then Severus saw Dursley throw Harry into his cupboard and lock the door.

"You're not getting any food for two weeks so don't be expecting any!" Harry began to cry, but it wasn't because he was going to go hungry. No, it was because his mouse was going to go hungry.

Severus saw the mouse peak out and scuttle over to Harry expectantly, but Harry showed the mouse his empty hands, and shook his head silently. He didn't have anything for his mouse. Every day, his mouse came back and silently asked for the food Harry didn't have. Every day, Harry could see his mouse getting thinner and thinner, and then one day, his mouse didn't come out.

He looked in the hole, and saw a cold stiff body, and he cried.

.oO-Oo.

Severus left Harry's mind, and hugged him tightly. There were things about the memory which Severus could infer even though Harry didn't understand. Under normal circumstances, the mouse would never have gotten to know Harry in the first place, and then would have left when Harry didn't have any food for him. But Harry's accidental magic was so strong, he had inadvertently cast a non-dark version of the Imperius, and the mouse had stayed. Harry's love for the mouse had been strong enough to cause his suppressed magic to shine in that strong a way. Severus wasn't going to explain this the Harry - probably not ever - because Harry would take it very hard, because he would see it as though he had killed his mouse.

"Harry, I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry your mouse died, please believe me. It had nothing to do with your caring for the mouse. He died because of your uncle. Your parents died because of the Dark Lord, and your mouse died because of your uncle. Not because of you. I promise I will do everything I can to stay alive. I'm good at that - staying alive. I have no intention of dying any time soon."

"I know," Harry said, clinging to Severus' robes in a death grip. "It's just - it's just -"

"It's just that you don't know how to face the thought that I might not be here anymore. You feel vulnerable. You have something to lose now."

"How did you know?" Harry gasped, awed that the man knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Because I feel the same way," Severus returned. "It works both ways, Harry. I really do care about you, and it would be an impossible thought to try to face the world without you now. Caring means being vulnerable." Harry snuggled into his robes, reassured.

"Did Nitty feed you?" he asked. Harry nodded.

"But I got sick after," he said.

"Why did you get sick?" Severus asked, concerned.

"Nitty had told me about the Death Eaters, and I was scared," Harry said.

"Ah, I see," Severus commented. "Do you often throw up when you're upset?"

"I don't often have anything to throw up," Harry murmured, and Severus could feel Harry relaxing, preparing for sleep. Of course the child would have a sensitive stomach! Like Harry so eloquently had pointed out, when he got upset, all he would be able to do at best would be dry heaves.

"Harry, I want you to drink another nutrient potion," he said, summoning and handing him the vial. Harry drank it without protest.

"I'm going to leave you on the couch here, while I go speak to the Headmaster," Severus explained. "I will not be in any danger, I promise." No, the Headmaster would be the one in danger. But he was so sore and tired! Maybe he'd stow his lecture for later. No, he would deliver it now. He was more intimidating when his tongue was sharpened from pain. "Sleep, and I'll be back soon." Harry nodded, and Severus got up, laying the boy down. Severus threw the blanket over Harry, and stumbled out of his rooms.

.oO-Oo.

"Come in!" Albus shouted.

"Headmaster," Severus greeted him, as he limped into his office.

"Severus! Do have a seat. Would you like a lemon drop?"

"No, and no," Severus snapped, determined to sneer the whole time. "There is nothing to report to you about the Death Eater meeting that was just called. As the good little spy I am, I attended even though it meant leaving Harry in the care of my house elf, loath as I am to do that."

"It looks like you've had a particularly hard meeting," Albus commented.

"How very observant," Severus drawled. "Poppy has already healed me. My Death Eater friends took the news of Harry Potter quite hard."

"I can imagine," Albus said. "Who said what? Did you have any support?"

"I promised them I would raise Harry to be a Death Eater, and I had Malfoy's support. Nott and Goyle were openly against it, and where Goyle stands, Crabbe will too. McNair and Avery made no comment either way. I do not know where they stand."

"I could always seek other arrangements for Harry if that would make your meetings easier on you," Albus offered. Okay, now was his cue. Severus lost his temper. He laid his hands on the Headmaster's desk and leaned over, his face inches from the Headmaster's. Yes, this sudden movement hurt like hell, but he needed it for the effect.

"Like sending back to the Dursleys with their precious blood wards?" Severus hissed, fully displaying his anger. If it wasn't that he feared he would be fired, it would have started casting spells at Albus.

"Yes, Severus," Dumbledore had the nerve to say. "I still think that he needs the blood wards and his relatives' treatment, horrible though it is."

"That's Snape to you," Severus hissed. He had a feeling his whole half of the conversation would be hissing. "Do you even know what his relatives did to him? Do - you - know?"

"As I told you last time - Snape," Albus said, accenting his name, "Arabella said that there were signs of beatings and malnutrition." Severus sneered at Albus.

"Headmaster," he said with mocking patronization, "that is just the beginning. Do you realize he was tied to a chair and tortured with the smell of food when he was caught eating scraps from the garbage because he was starving? Do you realize that Durlsey has been raping the boy? How can you justify rape, Headmaster? How?"

"I believe it was once said, 'It is better that one man should suffer,'" Albus began.

"Harry is a child! He is not a man! And you had better read your sources before you start quoting them. I believe the person who originally was credited with that was not portrayed as a leader for the Light."

"Would you have me give Harry over to the Malfoys?!" Albus shouted, standing up and glaring at Severus, who didn't back down.

"Yes!" Severus shouted back. It felt good to shout at someone after having kept his temper for so long in front of Harry. "Yes, I would! Malfoy would have taken much better care of him." He wasn't about to tell Albus that Malfoy would get Harry if anything happened to him, if nothing else, because of Malfoy's influence combined with his - Severus' - testimony (in edited memory form, of course).

"Malfoy would raise him to serve Voldemort!"

"I don't care! Malfoy would have respected him as a human!"

"Do you know what it would mean if Harry Potter was a follow of Voldemort?"

"Yes! Your infernal moral code be hanged, Headmaster, Harry will follow the first person to show him kindness now!"

"Exactly, Snape! Which is how we will ensure that he stays on the side of the Light!"

"You don't seem to realize that this is why the Slytherins have such a high Death Eater rate! The Dark Lord was the first one to show us kindness. He told us we were good, and that we were worth something! Unlike you!"

"You will raise Harry to be an asset to the Light, Snape! One iota of evidence that you will make him a Death Eater and will have you shot - metaphorically, of course - at dawn as the spy you are!" Severus sneered, but knew the Headmaster would follow through on his threat.

"Then it's a good thing I have no intentions of making him a mini-Death Eater, isn't it?" he said in a normal volume. He stood up and went over to the door. He spoke with his back to the Albus, his hand on the door knob. "I'm disappointed in you, Headmaster," and he sounded truly sorrowful. Severus saw this as his farewell to the man he known and seen as his mentor for more than the past ten years. "I thought you were someone who, although an eccentric Gryffindor, stood for good. I see I was sorely mistaken. For the second time in my life I have been deceived by a wizard trying to play God. I'm playing a game between a mad wizard and a meddling wizard, and for the first time in my life, I'm not sure which is which."

With that, he threw the door open and stormed out, slamming it behind him.

.oO-Oo.

Severus sat down on the couch next to where Harry was still sleeping. He looked at the boy, and thought of his conversation - no, yelling fest - with Dumbledore. He was shocked - truly and undeniably shaken - that Dumbledore had not shown more compassion for Harry. No, the man wanted to throw Harry back in with his relatives, full well knowing what had gone on.

He thought back to the conversation he and Harry had had. Caring meant being vulnerable. And Severus had cared about Albus. Had. He didn't care about the man anymore. Whatever happened to him was what he deserved. Anyone who could stand back and allow a child to be abused and tortured like that - and advocate sending him back - deserved the worst fate the Dark Lord could dish out.

The thought of returning as a loyal Death Eater and raising Harry as such had seriously occurred to him. But nothing justified the actions of his fellow Death Eaters either. Which side to chose? A side which spoke the right thing openly, and then used methods as evil as one could imagine? Or a side which openly did the evil things? A side which used evil means while deceiving everyone on that side? Or the honestly evil side?

Severus sighed. He couldn't in conscience truly side with either one. He was balancing on the blade of a knife, and Harry's life was in his hands.

Severus laid his hand on Harry's head. He smiled in his sleep. Such a simple thing! Being touched! And Harry felt a terrible loyalty to anyone who would touch him like that. Like he should have been touched all his life. Severus shuttered suddenly.

Harry was loyal to him. To him - Severus! He wouldn't be loyal to Dumbledore. He wouldn't be loyal to the Dark Lord. He would be loyal to Severus. The reality of this was just beginning to hit home. His decision as an individual would decide how Harry chose his beliefs. If his own conscience wasn't hard enough to sort out, now he realized he had another one to look after. And here was a little child, who would believe whatever he told him, at least in time. He had to be sure he made the right choice.

For right now, he would continue as he was. He would play Dumbledore's game, because without it, he would not be able to take care of Harry. If he basically kidnapped Harry, he would be in Azkaban before he would be out of the country. Dumbledore would not stand to see his Golden Boy in his custody.

"Harry?" he whispered, gently.

"Hmm?" came Harry's voice.

"Do you want to come to bed with me? Or do you want to stay here?"

"With you," Harry slurred. "No nightmares."

Severus scooped Harry up, and like last night, collapsed in his day clothes in the bed. He really was going to have to change soon. He still had the snot covered robes from the first day on. Carefully, he reached around Harry and pulled him close. Harry snuggled in close, and Severus threw the blankets over them.

His last conscious thought was, how do mothers handle it without going insane?