Those Who Grieve by The Lonely God With A Box
Summary: One sentence. That's all it takes to change the course of history, as Snape soon learns after an Occlumency lesson. 5th year AU.
Categories: Parental Snape > Stepfather Snape Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required)
Snape Flavour: Snape Comforts, Snape is Depressed, Snape is Loving, Snape is Stern
Genres: Family, Hurt/Comfort
Media Type: None
Tags: Addicted!Harry, Snape-meets-Dursleys
Takes Place: 5th summer, 5th Year
Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Physical Punishment Spanking, Drug use, Neglect, Rape, Suicide Themes, Torture, Violence
Challenges: None
Series: Those Who...
Chapters: 27 Completed: Yes Word count: 83621 Read: 197430 Published: 07 Jun 2014 Updated: 07 Jul 2014
The Prison of Delusion by The Lonely God With A Box

Harry pulled himself tighter into the farthest corner of the girls' bathroom on the second floor. One arm reached around his torso, the other hand reaching to his shoulder as he pulled his knees closer to his face. Harry whimpered softly.

The nightmares had been so bad. They had been so bad. Harry had woken up sweaty, his heart rate quickened, as was his breathing, his throat dry, his voice hoarse from screaming, and his pillow was wet with the tears that had failed to wake him. The lucid dreaming had failed. His mind tricked him by layering his dreams. The deeper he dreamed, the less control he had.

He was scared and he couldn't take it anymore. Life was just too hard, and he wanted it to stop. He wasn't sure if he meant life or his problems. He inhaled a shuddering breath and tried to calm his panicked mind. It hadn't worked any of the past times he had tried it this morning, and Harry didn't hold out a lot of hope that it would work this time either. And it didn't.

Harry swallowed and let his mind be sucked back into the world of his nightmares. He whimpered and cried, and rocked himself back and forth, trying to find some level of comfort from the hell he was forced to live every day. He closed his eyes and shut out the world around him.


Draco Malfoy, heir to the Malfoy estate and prince of Slytherin, wandered alone in the deserted corridors of the second floor of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, when he heard a muffled sound coming from the girls' bathroom. Curious now, Draco ducked into the forgotten lavatory. He did not expect the sight that met his eyes.

Potter sat on the floor, a mess, his school uniform disheveled, and his hair unkempt. Well, Potter's hair was always unkempt, Draco realized. Usually Potter had enough dignity to keep his tie straight and his shirt tucked in though. Usually Potter had enough dignity to not cry in a girls' bathroom.

The sight was almost enough to move a Malfoy to pity. Almost. If Potter hadn't been the cause of his father's humiliation in front of all the Death Eaters, if Potter hadn't been Snape's son, maybe, just maybe, he would have been moved to pity. But no, Potter was Snape's son now. His father had informed him of this plot twist when it had come out at the meeting that Sirius Black had attended. And of course the heir to the Malfoy thrown was acutely aware of all the dealings with the Dark Lord and how his father and Bellatrix had planned to raise the man from the dead a second time. And Draco blamed his Head of House equally, if not more, than he blamed Potter for that fiasco. Potter had been born into his role - just as Draco himself had - and he played his part - just like Draco himself did. Snape, on the other hand, chose his role, and had made it abundantly clear that he cared more for the Potter boy than he did for Draco. Snape had not stopped to think what his actions would mean for Draco. And Draco was, admittedly, jealous of that attention. That wasn't his biggest grievance though. Draco was more than capable of dealing without Snape's attention. What irked him more than anything was that Snape would play the traitor like that. And while Draco blamed Snape more than he blamed Potter, that didn't mean that he didn't blame Potter. He blamed Potter for everything he could. And right now, Potter was an easy target. Potter may as well receive all the frustration he felt, both for himself and for Snape. After all, he got to receive his father's frustrations often enough. Draco was not going to pass up this opportunity. It was the perfect opportunity.

"Potter!" Draco called sharply, since it was obvious the Gryffindor had not noticed his entrance.

Someone had called his name, Harry realized. He raised his head and looked in the direction of the noise. Couldn't his sorry excuse of a family just let him sleep for once? He didn't want to do his uncle's bidding, not again. He'd done everything he had to. Sure enough, Harry saw his uncle standing in front of him, waiting. Harry shuddered, tired of fighting.

"Please don't," Potter whimpered at him. That was quite unlike the cocky Gryffindor he always had known. Draco stopped his advance and blinked, hoping Harry would expound on his eloquent request. Draco didn't have to wait long. "I'm sorry, don't hurt me. I didn't mean it." Draco didn't know what was wrong with Potter but he continued to approach the huddled form in the corner.

"Get up, Potter, and quit your whimpering!" Draco growled as he reached out and grabbed Potter by the arm.

Harry watched as his uncle stepped towards him, and Harry whimpered wordlessly as his hand reached out and grabbed him. Panic rose in Harry's throat as his uncle dared touch him again, dared use him again.

"Uncle Vernon, no, not again, please!" Potter screamed at him, desperately trying to wiggle out of Draco's grip. Uncle Vernon? Draco knew Potter lived with his Muggle relatives since his parents were dead. And apparently Potter was having some sort of nervous breakdown and wasn't seeing Draco Malfoy, no, Potter was seeing his uncle. Draco's eyes narrowed. Now would be a perfect opportunity to get some information on the Boy-Who-Lived.

"Oh, yes, Potter," Draco replied, hoping Potter was at least hearing him, even if not seeing him. "It'll all happen. Again, and again, and again." Draco still had no idea what he was talking about, but hopefully he could figure it out if he kept Potter talking. He pulled Potter up against the wall, to eye level, none too gently, and pressed Potter's shoulders against the stone wall to keep him from sinking back to the floor. Harry broke and his breathing came in hitching sobs.

"I can't, not again, I'm not yours, I'm not yours," Potter sobbed. Draco blinked, shocked.

"Not mine?" he repeated. Potter began to shake in Draco's hands.

"Please, Uncle Vernon, not tonight, I think I'll die if you do it tonight, please don't," Potter continued to beg. "I'll do it tomorrow, I promise. I won't even fight. I'll be good." Potter wiped the freely flowing tears from his eyes. As much as it felt good to have Potter begging him, for anything, Draco was a bit scared of what the boy would do. It was clear Potter was not seeing reality. Someone who didn't see reality was dangerous for just that reason and Draco doubted the wisdom of continuing to goad Potter considering his condition.

After he had recovered enough to see reality though. That was another matter, and Draco couldn't stop a small, wicked smile from illuminating his features as he savored the thought of what he could do with this new information.

"Wake up, Potter! I'm not your uncle!" Draco shouted, shaking his nemesis. Potter gasped, as his eyes visibly refocused.

"Get away from me!" Potter screamed as he pushed Draco away roughly. Now standing on his own, Potter swiftly drew his wand and leveled it at Draco.

Harry had seen the Polyjuice potion wear off. His uncle had become Voldemort. Leering, hungry Voldemort. Harry couldn't take it from his uncle, and he wouldn't take it from Voldemort. So he drew his wand and leveled it at the bastard who killed his parents, destroyed Snape's life, and now threatened his own.

Draco sneered at Potter. That was a much better reaction. He drew his own wand in response. Now they were getting someone. Draco wasn't nearly a fast enough draw though, because no sooner had the butt end of his wand come out of his sleeve when Potter slammed into him with the full measly weight of his body.

Light though Potter was, he had the element of surprise, and Draco crumpled to the floor with Potter straddling him on top, knees pinning Draco's arms. Potter reached out and grabbed Draco's wand. He slammed it against the stone floor, shattering the wood. The only thing that held it together was one strand of unicorn hair and Harry pitched the wand across the bathroom until it hit the wall and lay in two clean pieces.

"What are you doing, Potter?" Draco screamed. He'd never intended to lose his wand over this. They were enemies, but these were the actions of a truly desperate animal.

"You won't hurt me again," Potter gasped, both hands on his wand as he brought it closer to Draco's face, between his eyes. Draco refused to look at the wand, refused to go cross-eyed. "You won't hurt Snape again. Ever. I won't let you. I'm going to kill you!"

"What are you going on about?" Draco shouted back at him.

"You killed my parents and you did worse to Snape!" Potter screamed at him.

Oh, now he wasn't Potter's uncle, now he was the Dark Lord. Draco sighed. If it wasn't that his hallucinating nemesis had him pinned to the floor, broken his weapon, and was holding him at wand point, Draco would have laughed.

Without even needing to think, Harry was able to cast every hex and curse he knew at the man. He, Harry, would be victorious. He would triumph.

"I'm going to kill you," Potter whispered. "Once and for all, I'll kill you."


The ghosts of Hogwarts had an inexplicably uncanny way of making sure every one of them heard about all the noteworthy occurrences in the school. Despite the fact that she annoyed everyone, Moaning Myrtle was no exception. The ghosts always kept her informed, though nothing noteworthy ever happened in the girls' bathroom on the second floor.

Until Harry Potter arrived, that is.

Upon seeing the nasty turn which Harry Potter took on Draco Malfoy, Moaning Myrtle decided to notify the Bloody Baron. The Bloody Baron took the news in stride, and told Myrtle to flush herself down the toilet.

Being a Slytherin, albeit a ghost, the Baron knew there was something more at work besides two school enemies attacking each other. He also knew Myrtle could not keep her mouth shut if she heard any delicate information.

Due to the nature of ghosts, the Baron was able to enter Severus' chambers without the password. He woke the professor.

Immediately, a red beam shot from Severus' wand through the Baron's translucent form.

"Really, Severus," the Baron drawled.

"What do you want?" Severus sighed as he realized it was the unholy hour of 10:30 on Saturday. It was a weekend, and Severus particularly appreciated this one simple pleasure - to sleep as long as he wished. Often, during the week, he cut his sleep short for various reasons, and the weekend was the one time no one ever bothered Severus Snape unless they pinned very little value on their lives. Of course, the Bloody Baron did not have this particular problem.

"Myrtle has informed me that Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter are fighting in the bathroom. Naturally, since one is of your house, and the other is your son," Severus' eyebrow shot up, "you were the most logical choice to notify." Severus visibly rolled his eyes and slipped out of bed.

"Thank you. I will see to them."

Severus took the time to wrap his clock around his nightwear before he set out in the early morning hours to see what was happening in the girls' bathroom this time.


"Harry James Potter!"

"Professor Snape, get him off me! He's going to kill me!"

Harry looked up at him. That was a good sign.

Severus walked into the bathroom in time to hear Harry's threat to the blond Slytherin, and to hear Draco's objections.

"What do you think you're doing, Harry?" Severus asked, more calmly this time, now that he had Harry's attention. Harry still had his wand to Draco's forehead and his hand to his enemy's throat, but he was blinking stupidly at Severus, and so he had full faith that Harry would not do anything as long as he, Severus, held the boy's attention.

"I was going to kill him," Harry whispered.

"Do you know who's under your wand?" Severus asked his voice dropping volume again, and he crouched to eye level with Harry. The naked fear in Harry's eyes was apparent, and Harry was held in Severus' gaze. "Look," Severus whispered. Nervously, Harry and Severus both looked down at Draco.

"It's him," Harry whispered. "Let me kill him. For both of us." Harry was visibly steeling his will to cast the necessary spell.

"No, you don't," Severus suddenly said, and grabbed Harry by the armpits. Severus lifted Harry off of Draco, much to Harry's protests.

"What are you doing?" Harry screamed.

"Look at him!" Severus shouted back. "It's Draco Malfoy! Look! See the person who's really there!" Severus forced Harry to look at the blond Slytherin as Draco rose to his feet, slowly and painfully. Blood dripped from Draco's hands, and he was favoring his left foot.

Harry screamed and jumped back from the other boy. He held his hand to his mouth and then glanced fearfully at his wand.

"I'm so sorry," Harry murmured. "I - I didn't - It's not what it looks like, I swear! I'm sorry, Malfoy, I - " And Harry descended into senseless babble as he collapsed on the floor. Draco brushed the dirt off his robes and sniffed disdainfully.

"So long, Potter," Draco said, coolly as he turned on his heel, though he limped. Draco bent over and picked up the remnants of his wand, weighing them carefully in his hand. "My father - and the whole school - will hear about this, I promise."

"Draco, go to the infirmary!" Severus shouted at him, as he sat beside Harry. "If you don't, I'll do worse to you!"

"Draco," Harry croaked from his fetal position on the floor. Severus laid his hand on Harry's head, trying to offer some measly comfort. "Please don't tell. I'm begging you." Harry kept his eyes closed, and for that, Severus was grateful. Harry never saw the evil grin cross Draco's face. All he heard was Draco's reply.

"We'll see, Potter." With that, Draco nodded in outward respectfulness and limped out of the bathroom.

"You still better go to the infirmary!" Severus called after him. He would definitely have to do something about that boy.


Harry lay curled on the floor for a few minutes, not speaking, not moving. If it weren't for the occasional hitched breath and sob, Severus would have mistaken him for a corpse. Severus sat beside him and didn't say a thing, just ran his hand over Harry's head, and through his hair.

"I'm sorry," Harry finally said.

"It's alright," Severus replied softly. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," Harry said, keeping his voice level as he sat up and sniffed back the last of his tears. "I'm sorry," he said again.

"I know you are," Severus replied. "It's not your fault."

"I thought Draco was my uncle," Harry began but choked on the words after that.

"And then he became the Dark Lord," Severus concluded. Harry nodded, unable to trust his voice.

"Am I going insane?" Harry whispered.

"I won't let you go insane," Severus whispered back and pulled him close. "You're not allowed to die, and you're not allowed to go insane."

"Draco knows," Harry muttered into Severus' robes. "He's not stupid, and I said enough."

"Yes, I'm sure Draco can put the pieces together," Severus replied, not willing to lie to the boy.

"I'm scared," Harry said. "Draco will - I know he will."

"Will you feel better if I have a talk with him?" Severus asked.

"What can you do?"

"I will do my best," Severus promised.

"Yes, please," Harry said. "Can you do it now?"

"You need me now."

"No, go do it now," Harry pleaded. "Before it's too late. What if he's already told someone?" Harry was ready to begin crying again, or have another panic attack.

"Alright, alright," Severus said, standing up. "I'll go talk to him now. Are you sure you'll be alright?"

"Yes, sir," Harry said.

"I don't believe you," Severus replied, helping Harry get to his feet. The boy was still deathly pale and shaking. "I want you to find your friends, Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley, and spend time with them until I can speak with you some more." Harry nodded. "Do you promise?"

"Yes, sir, I promise," Harry said.

"Repeat it back to me."

"I'll go find Hermione and Ron until you contact me."

"Correct," Severus said. "I will go have a talk with one Draco Malfoy in the meantime. You can rest easy. Do not exert yourself in the meantime. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Fine. I imagine your friends are in the common room. I will be in the infirmary."


Harry kept his head down as he walked back to the common room. As long as he watched the pattern in the carpet and didn't meet anyone's eyes, he thought he would be alright. He focused his mind on his goal - to find Hermione and Ron. That was all he had to do. Find his friends and sit tight and nothing bad would happen. Snape hadn't seemed angry with him in the bathroom. Everything was going to be fine.

"Ahem."

Well, he was going insane, but everything would be fine.

"A-hem."

Harry saw a pair of sickeningly pink pumps enter his field of vision. One was tapping the carpet expectantly. Nervously, Harry raised his eyes until he saw the toad watching him with a look too smug to mean anything good for him.

"Harry!" another voice broke the fearful silence. Harry and Umbridge both looked in the direction of the voice. Hermione and Ron came running over to them. "We were worried about you!" Hermione continued, but Harry signaled her to stop talking.

"It isn't Mr. Potter you should be worried about, Miss Granger," Umbridge said, and Harry wanted to vomit at the sound of her voice. "According to reports, Mr. Potter attacked Mr. Malfoy - entirely unprovoked, I might add - and threatened to kill him."

"What?" Ron exclaimed.

"He didn't!" Hermione objected.

"Mr. Potter?" Umbridge prompted. "And what do you have to say about this?"

"Of course I did no such thing," Harry lied.

"That isn't what Mr. Malfoy says," Umbridge continued.

"It's only reasonable he would make it up," Harry deflected.

"With blood dripping from his hands?" Umbridge asked. Hermione gasped. "I doubt Mr. Malfoy would want to defend his real attacker enough to blame you, if it wasn't you."

"It's his word against mine," Harry said. It was his last argument.

"We could find the truth with Veritaserum, if you are so sure of your innocence, Mr. Potter," Umbridge said thoughtfully. "Of course, if you can save me the use of the potion, I'll still go slightly easier on your - very necessary - punishment." Harry glanced uneasily at Hermione and Ron.

"It's not like it sounds," Harry began addressing his friends, "but Malfoy was right. Professor Snape was involved though! He'll be able to see to it that it gets straightened out."

"Professor Snape may be able to take your personal discipline in his own hands," Umbridge said. "But this is a school matter. Simply because a professor has adopted you does not mean that you are above school rules nor cannot serve a detention with anyone else. Now. Come with me, and you'll spend every waking moment in detention until you've learned to control that temper of yours and have learned a little respect!" Harry gave Hermione and Ron a pleading look, but he knew they couldn't do anything.

"We'll tell Professor Snape!" Hermione shrieked.

"Please," Umbridge replied.

"It's alright, Hermione," Harry mumbled, looking defeated. "Don't bother him. He's doing something more important right now."

"More important than seeing to it than attempted murderer is disciplined?" Harry didn't deign to respond. Umbridge turned, and Harry reluctantly followed, a sense of dread building in his stomach.


"We're telling Professor Snape," Hermione said after a few minutes of getting her own rage under control.

"Yes," Ron agreed. "Yes, we are."

The two friends set off for Snape's office, but he was not there.

"We need to find him!" Hermione began to panic. She never thought well when she was angry or panicked.

"Hermione," Ron said, "think! Your emotions always get in the way of your thinking."

"Like you would know anything about that, Ronald Weasley," she retorted, but she knew it was true. "Well, Harry admitted that Malfoy was hurt. Umbridge said he had blood dripping from his hands. Malfoy is probably in the infirmary."

"And Harry said Snape was doing something important," Ron continued, when it was apparent that Hermione wasn't. "So if Malfoy is in the infirmary, it's possible Snape is there too. Maybe that's what Snape's doing that's oh-so-important." Ron rolled his eyes. "Leave it to Snape to think that Malfoy is more important that his son."

"Ron, you don't know what's really going on," Hermione chastised. "Let's go find Snape and tell him what's happened to Harry. Then we'll find out."

"Alright," Ron agreed. The two of them ran all the way to the infirmary, much to the disgruntlement of several teachers, and the amusement of several students. When they arrived, they found Snape standing at the foot of Malfoy's bed, with Malfoy looking like a petulant child. Snape was seething and glaring at Malfoy like he usually did when a Gryffindor or Hufflepuff had blown up the potions lab, again.

"Professor!" Ron and Hermione shouted together. Snape turned and looked at them. His expression was unreadable.

"What do you want?" Snape asked, his voice cold. If anything told them that Snape did not want to disturbed at the moment, it was his tone. They glanced at Malfoy and looked uncertain. With a curt nod, Snape stalked past them, out of the infirmary.

"This had better be important," Snape threatened, "or I promise I will give both of you detentions for the week."

"Umbridge gave Harry another detention!" Hermione began. "We were looking for Harry and found her talking to him. She said that Malfoy told her that Harry had tried to kill him. Harry said that was right and she took him for a detention. You've got to stop her!"

Snape let out a string of profanity that none of the students had ever heard from his mouth. Hermione and Ron stared with open mouths.

"My apologies," Snape said when he realized why he had two Gryffindors gawking at him. "Move along. Surely you have something better to do than stare at a teacher."

"You'll help Harry?" Hermione pressed.

"Would I swear over it if I wasn't?"

"No, sir, thank you," Hermione said, and she dragged Ron away with her. They hid behind a pillar long enough to see Snape shout back to Malfoy that he didn't want to hear of any new rumors and if there were any rumors, he Draco would have more than just Harry to worry about. Then they saw the man leave with his usual blusteriness, cape trailing behind him.

Snape was still in his pajamas. Ron laughed.


Conveniently, Minerva's office was on the way, and he made a quick detour there. He would need her help in this.

"Minerva," he said. "Come with me, please. It's urgent." Without question, she followed Severus, as he began to explain.

"Thing happened," he began, "and Harry has another detention with the Toad."

"Such disrespect for a professor," Minerva admonished. Severus didn't rise to the bait.

"I want you there to make sure I don't kill her," Severus continued.

"Alright," Minerva agreed. She knew better than to cross Severus Snape when he was that angry. Apparently toads didn't have that much common sense.


There was a knock at the door. No, it was a relentless pounding, Harry realized. It didn't stop or lighten up. Umbridge rose and answered the door. Harry kept his eyes down on the paper.

I must not tell lies.

"Get out of my way, woman," a familiar voice hissed. Harry looked up, horrified, and immediately rose from where he sat. Blood dripped from his hand, leaving bright red circles on Umbridge's carpet. Recovering much more quickly than Harry would have expected, Umbridge walked over to where Snape was now slowly approaching him.

Snape's eyes were flashing with untold rage, but Snape gently took Harry's hand in his own and wordlessly healed the bloody scars. Harry was scared, unsure what Snape would do to him.

"You leave him alone, Snape!" Umbridge shouted. Snape turned his head and attention on the woman in pink immediately. He trained his wand on her, and the temperature in the room seemed to drop a full five degrees.

"That," Snape said, deathly quietly, but the room was silent, and everyone could hear without straining, "has precisely been my mistake. I've left him alone for far to long this week. When he didn't come to me, I should have gone to him. Corporal punishment has not been allowed at this school for over 50 years, Umbridge. What makes you think you can use a blood quill? Do you think you're above the law? On second though, don't answer that! You hurt my son! And I love him more than anyone alive! You bloody damn hurt my son, you bitch, and I'm going to fucking send you and your shitty pen to hell! Cruc-"

Harry reached out and pulled Snape's wand down before he could finish the spell.

"Don't," Harry whispered, as he put his arms around Snape. "She's not worth it." The anger in Snape's frame melted away as Harry locked his hands behind his father's back. Snape put his hand on Harry's head.

"But you are." Harry just shook his head. Umbridge was pale and shaking in the corner. Minerva was the only one to notice, and the two women left wordlessly.

"Fine," Snape said. "We're leaving. Now. You and me. We're going to London, and we're spending the weekend away from this infernal school and all of its abysmal atrocities."


The End.


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