To Be Remembered For My Sins by Lillielle
Summary: Disclaimer: I own nothing. AU. Voldemort's dead. Harry's losing it. No one's noticed a thing...except a certain Potions Professor. (Suicide themes and self harm warning.)
Categories: Healer Snape, Teacher Snape > Professor Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required), Dudley, Dumbledore, Hedwig, Hermione, McGonagall, Other, Petunia, Pomfrey, Ron, Vernon
Snape Flavour: Canon Snape, Snape Comforts, Snape is Kind, Snape is Stern
Genres: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Media Type: None
Tags: Alternate Universe, Snape-meets-Dursleys
Takes Place: 4th Year, 5th summer
Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Character Death, Neglect, Profanity, Self-harm, Suicide Themes
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Completed: No Word count: 2638 Read: 16651 Published: 10 Jul 2014 Updated: 20 Jul 2014
Chapter 2 by Lillielle
Author's Notes:
Major suicide warning for this chapter (and I promise that all is not as it seems).
When Harry slipped into the common room, he found it cold and empty. Though flames flickered in the grate, they seemed ghostly, translucent. No warmth emanated from them.

They didn't notice, he thought, and felt a particularly vicious twinge of pain in the pit of his stomach. No Hermione curled up on a sofa with another massive, dusty book, demanding to know where he'd been. No Ron, yawning and heavy-eyed, playing a half-hearted game of chess with himself. The only person still awake was a seventh year he didn't know by name, staring rather sullenly down into her Potions book, and he skirted by with a cautious wince. The girl didn't stir.

All the others were snoring when he made his way up to the boys' dorm, and Harry flopped onto his bed without bothering to change out of his still-soaked robes. Yanking the curtains around him (putting up his customary silencing spells), he toed his trainers off and shoved them to the bottom of the bed. Morning couldn't come soon enough.

He slept poorly as usual, his nightmares shredding his throat raw. The silencing spells held, but when Harry opened his eyes, the light was all wrong, filtering bright and golden through the dust motes dancing atop his four poster. He was late. No one had bothered to try to wake him up.

He knew he should be leaping from bed, changing from his still damp robes into fresh clothes, maybe trying to find a bit of toast to fill him up until later. That he should be gathering up his homework, ink-spattered and crumpled as it was, and going to class.

In the end, he didn't bother. He just put up an additional locking spell on his curtains, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

When he awoke again, the dormitory was still eerily silent. The light had changed again, fading into a duller amber. It was probably mid-afternoon, edging into evening. Sitting up, Harry considered what he should do. He couldn't see anyone reacting well to the realisation that he'd skipped the entire day's worth of classes, and his stomach felt like putting so much as a sip of water into it would be a very bad mistake.

Seizing the opportunity, Harry scrambled from his bed, changing right there in the dubious privacy of his bed-curtains into Muggle clothes. They were Dudley's hand-me-downs, ridiculously over-sized, but when he layered a Weasley sweater over it (with a slight stab of guilt), it felt warm enough. It was the work of a moment to snag his invisibility cloak and pull it over his head, ensuring that it wouldn't flutter or ripple and betray even an inch of exposed Harry.

Maybe it was time he went and finished the job he'd started to do last night, before Professor Snape had interrupted him. A slight smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he slipped down the staircase. There were Gryffindors here, on free periods or just skiving off, but no one could see him to bother him. Ginny Weasley bounded out the portrait hole, probably on her way to class, and he eased his way out just behind her. There. He was free, and life (as short as it was going to inevitably be) couldn't help but look up.

He probably shouldn't be so calm, Harry reflected, tiptoeing up the stairs to the Astronomy Tower. It would be empty all night again, Astronomy didn't meet for another day. After all, he was going to jump off a tower. His body would thud into the ground, an inevitable test of gravity that he would fail. He wondered if anyone would even be able to find him, considering the invisibility cloak. Unless it moved. Was there a way to ensure the cloak would cover his whole body, even to the end? Perhaps some sort of sticking charm?

Sighing a bit, Harry grinned and shook his head. It didn't matter anyway. He wouldn't have to deal with anything ever again, and the thought was heady. No more Dursleys. No more cupboard. No more 'freak.' No more senseless hero worship, lavished upon the head of a boy who had done nothing but survive through sheer luck and others' sacrifices. No more Ron and Hermione. That thought made him pause, but only briefly. They had each other. They didn't need him. It might be hard at first, but in the end, they would be better off.

Air so cold it stung swirled around his face. He'd reached the top. Harry glanced at his favourite perch, a bit longingly, but stepped forward. It was better to get it over with quickly. That way, doubts couldn't set in.

Balancing precariously on the edge of the parapet, Harry smiled one last time.

Then he stepped off.

To be continued...
End Notes:
...I may be literally evil. Review? *puppy eyes*


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