Fresh tears flooded through Harry’s eyes as he remembered his father’s actions. He curled his arms around his waist and continued to sniffle, until they quickly tumbled into further deep sobs. The pain too much for his heart now. He was officially alone in the world. There was nothing to base his trust on any more. He couldn’t believe in his parents any more – not even his mother.

He just didn’t understand what to do now. He wasn’t sure if he could continue like this any more. There was no one to depend on.

He knew he should feel embarrassed. He knew he shouldn’t be sobbing his heart out like this – he never cried like this – but it felt like the floodgates had finally broken. All the bottled up emotions that Harry had kept close to heart now poured forth without reserve. He could feel the unstableness of his emotions and he just didn’t know how to control it.

This was not a few tears over getting his backside walloped like a naughty little child. This was something far more.

There was an exasperated sigh.

“Potter, stop with the theatrics.”

“I–I can’t,” sobbed Harry, tightening his arms around his waist.

There was yet another sigh, more tired this time. Harry felt the couch dip in weight, signifying that Snape had taken the seat next to him.

“All this histrionics over a well deserved smacking, you really do baffled the mind, Mr. Potter.”

Only quiet, muffled sobs were the man’s answer. It was all crashing down on him, he just couldn’t stop. He never felt so alone in his entire life.

There a lasting, drawn out sigh once more and then, what Harry felt next stilled him.

A hand rested against his neck. It was weighted. It didn’t move. It just lay there on his skin at the base of his neck. The warmth of that hand flowed through Harry, as if something hot had washed over his entire being. His sobs stopped immediately, although his tears only intensified. They came down his face in deep waves, never ending.

Just like the pain inside his heart.

The incessant stinging, uncomfortable pain in his seat was soon diminishing to a fading, dull throb.

But that heartache wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

“Potter, for Merlin’s sake, what had gotten you so worked up? I have witnessed you stoically take a broken arm in a Quidditch game. I have witnessed you face a dragon in that foolish tournament. Surely all these tears aren’t from a few, fleeting slaps applied to your disobedient bottom?”

Even in the tears, Harry found himself blushing at that statement. He quickly hid his face into his hands. All he managed in answer to the man was a deep shake of the head. He hiccupped, causing a furious heat to come to his cheeks. The hand on his neck gently squeezed once. The hiccupping slowly stopped.

“Potter.”

Harry didn’t answer. He now refused that name. He wouldn’t acknowledge it.

“Potter.”

Harry shook his head.

“Potter, what on earth is wrong with—”

“Not Potter,” whispered Harry into his hands. Snape stilled beside him, the hand tensing at his neck.

“What did you say?” breathed Snape.

Power rose inside Harry’s voice. The words of his heart flooded forth. If he’d been of sound mind at a different time, he probably would’ve been horrified at the things he was about to say. But at that moment, all he cared about was never hearing that terrible last name ever again in association to himself.

“I’m not Potter any more!” cried Harry in his hands; shaking his head back and forth. “Don’t ever call me that again. I’m just Harry – Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry! Not Harry Potter. Not the Boy-Who-Lived. I’m just Harry! I refused to acknowledge that name any more. I disown my father’s name. I’m sickened by him. Never again!”

If there was ever a time that Snape was unsettled, it was at that moment.

“The memory…” Snape trailed off.

“How could he be so horrible!?” continued Harry, his voice rising to a hysterical level once again. “How could he do that? He was like that all the time, wasn’t he?” Harry demanded, glancing at Snape. He didn’t wait for a response and the rant resumed, “He was a freaking bully! What kind of person just attacks people for the fun of it? How could he? I can’t even—I don’t even—why?”

Snape took a deep inhale through the nose as Harry stopped to catch his breath. Somehow, through it all, the man’s hand hadn’t left his neck. That made some things just a little better.

“You are having an emotional breakdown over that?”

“I am not having an emotional breakdown!” protested Harry hotly.

“I do believe sobbing cauldrons of water onto my carpet counts as an emotional breakdown, no matter what you say,” said Snape, his thin mouth twitching slightly. Harry merely narrowed his tear filled eyes at the man, ignoring the statement.

“I hate him.”

Something strange entered inside Snape’s dark eyes, as if he couldn’t understand what he was seeing. It was masked, however; hidden behind the shields of his mind.

“I hate him,” continued Harry, and his tone truly meant it. He spoke quickly, the words tumbling from his mouth. “Who attacks someone else like that? How could he do that? How can everyone hail him as a hero when he was a horrible person like that? Was he really a hero? How did he get my mother to even like him, let alone marry him and have a child together?”

Further tears filled inside his eyes.

“Who can hate someone else for the mere fact of existing?” asked Harry, the heartache overflowing in his pleading tone. For the first time, Harry watched Snape’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch. “And do you know the best part of it all? If I’d been a student at the same time as him, he probably would’ve targeted me. Because I’m just one of those types. I shouldn’t exist.”

“Potter—”

“Don’t ever call me that again!” snapped Harry hysterically; glaring at Snape with great ferocity. “I’m not his son any more! I’m no one’s son. It’s nothing new! It’s always been this way.”

Harry dropped his face back into his hands again. He started trembling. He didn’t know what to do now. He was beginning to freak out now. He was about to lose it.

“Pot—” There was violent reaction to this and the man tried to change his tactic. “Harry, listen to me!”

Harry felt something try to pry his hands away from his face. Slowly, he let those long, thin fingers pry his hands away from his face. Another hand touched the edge of his chin and tipped his head upward. Hot beads gathered in Harry’s eyes and they fell down his cheeks in warm streams.

The expression of the man that he was forced to look up at, for once, had emotion whirling those dark eyes. There was a long pause, before Snape spoke up.

“You have your… godfather, do you not?” said Snape, the very words sounding absolutely lame on his lips. Harry’s face scrunched up incredulously.

“My father,” Harry spat darkly as he spoke the word, “attacked you for no reason beyond the fact that Sirius was bored. And Sirius didn’t stop him, but joined him. Yeah, some father figures right there. Absolutely brilliant. Father of the Year material right there.”

“Lupin—”

“Sat there and watched. Didn’t do a dang thing. And don’t even joke about ratboy.”

Snape’s mouth twitched.

“Pott—”

There was a vicious glare and Snape cut off immediately. He put a hand to his face and rubbed his eyes for a moment, sighing deeply again. The man tried again.

“Harry, are you telling me that this is the sole thing that has you all worked up?”

Harry’s expression darken and he looked away. There was a long moment, before he said in a soft, pained whisper, “It’s like they died all over again.”

“Harry,” began Snape, sounding thoroughly uncomfortable; as if he didn’t want to speak about the subject, but continued to do so anyway. “Your mother… she was a good woman.”

Harry scoffed.

“Really? She turned her back on you.”

“I…” Snape swallowed once, actually looking sick. “I called her that unforgivable name. She had every right to—

“No!” cried Harry. “She didn’t! It’s just a word – who cares about it! It’s not like you attacked her. She shouldn’t have turned her back on someone in need. It was obvious that you were stressed out for being picked on. It was like you were expecting to be attacked by them. She should’ve hexed him for it.”

“Po—” Snape quickly clipped his words as Harry startled with yet another bad reaction. The man amended himself. “Harry, your mother had every right to turn her back on me. I treated her poorly. Really, Harry, there’s no reason to get so emotional about this.”

Snape sound as if he couldn’t understand what was going on. Of course, it was strange. Harry Potter was denouncing his very name, his very identity. It was very strange indeed. Everything was just wrong. Harry felt horrible for everything. He wished his father hadn’t treated Snape that way. He wished he hadn’t been so negligent in his studies about Occlumency. He also truly wished he hadn’t gone through Snape’s Pensive.

No, he wasn’t sorry because he had gotten punished – even in a very childish way. Harry knew that he never deserved what the Dursleys dealt him. They were unfair. The contrast between him and Dudley was more than enough evidence to display this fact. So, Harry wasn’t unreasonable to fuss about a deserved punishment. Snape had all the right in the world punish Harry for this. In fact, the man probably had been lenient.

Truly, Harry simply felt bad for what he had done.

“I’m sorry, Professor,” whispered Harry, his voice breaking slightly. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry my father and his friends treated you that way. I’m sorry I haven’t been taking your lessons seriously. I’m so sorry for violating your privacy. I’m sorry for everything.”

There was a low sigh mixed with a snort.

“You are only sorry because you were caught and severely punished.”

Harry shook his head, uselessly trying to wipe away the tears on his face. A handkerchief was supplied and Harry gratefully accepted. A moment later, Harry’s face was cleared of all fluids. Finally, he looked up at Snape.

“Professor, I deserve all punishments you give me for my stupid mistake.”

“Of course, you do,” said Snape, but not with any real venom. “My word, Po—Harry, if I had known that simply giving you a few wallops to your backside would’ve produced such obedience and compliance, I would’ve put you over my knee the first day you crossed the threshold of the front gates.”

Harry cracked a smile at that. Snape seemed almost relieved by this reaction, as if a teary eyed Harry was a bit too much for him.