"So how will this work?", Harry asked curiously and looked at Severus. It was the first weekend after classes had started and he was going to visit Tobias with Severus.

"Take this.", Severus said, giving him the invisibility cloak "We'll apparate."

Harry nodded, hiding underneath the cloak and joining Severus on the stroll over the grounds. They entered the forest and walked a while until Severus stopped and whispered

"See the stone with the red marking?"

Harry looked at a small stone that had a red stain on it and whispered "Yes."

"That's the apparation boundary.", Snape said, spreading one arm away from himself to invite Harry to his side. Harry immediately wrapped his arms around his middle and leaned in. Snapes arm came around his shoulders and squeezed him a little to his side. Harry smiled before feeling the familiar sensation of vanishing and reappearing in the neighborhood of Spinners End.

Snape let go of him and requested he take off the cloak and took it from him. They walked out of the alley and had to leave a few streets behind, before they saw the assisted living quarters.

It was a rather modern set of buildings, one part of it looked like a small hospital and another like a retirement home. The other part was like an apartment building with rows of rows of small one or two bedroom apartments. Some of them had flowers at the windows and Harry smiled looking at them. But Severus was walking towards the area that looked more like a hospital and indeed, that was where they went. When they had walked straight past the welcome desk – Severus nodding at the young lady sitting there – they walked up a few flight of stairs and entered an area that smelled strongly of desinfectant. Hary crinkled his nose and looked around, Severus went straight for the nurses station and said "Sharon?"

A young woman, Harry guessed she must be around 20 to 23 years old, turned around and gave them a broad smile.

"Severus! How lovely to see you again so soon.", she said warmly before spotting Harry, her smile widened "And young Harry, the chemistry genius."

Harry blushed and smiled before shaking her hand. He stared when she and the other nurses hugged Severus or clapped him on the shoulder in welcome. Sharon took them to Tobias' room and entered after knocking.

"Look, lovey, who I brought you today?", she said brightly and let them in. Harrys smile fell off his face when he saw Tobias, lying in the hospital bed, connected to several machines. Tobias smiled weakly and his eyes twinkled in excitement

"You are an angel, Sharon, my dear.", he said and sounded a lot older than he was. Sharon gave them all a last wide smile before leaving. Severus went up to Tobias and sat down on the chair beside his bed taking his fathers hand in his.

"How are you feeling?"

"Wonderful, dear boy. Now I feel wonderful.", Tobias looked at Harry "You brought my child, come here, Harold."

Harry walked up to him, unsure of how to act and Tobias took his arm to pull him closer

"I missed your voice, dear lad.", Tobias said "Missed you reading to me."

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind, father.", Severus said, giving Harry a newspaper from the bedstand. Harry saw that a few pictures of himself adorned the bedstand. Harry was even wearing his Quidditch robes in one of them and he asked himself how Tobias explained the strange attire to the other muggles. Between those pictures he even spotted one of Severus, kneeling in the back garden of Spinners End in between his herbs. He had his hair tied at the nape of his neck and was in the process of cutting leaves. Harry took the newspaper but Tobias was shaking his head

"I read that already. No, I want Harold to read me...", he looked through his drawer and pulled out an old battered bible "...this."

Harry took the holy book, looking uncertainly at Severus, who nodded stiffly.

"Yes, Grandfather.", that made Tobias smile and taking hold of Severus hand again and laying back contently, he said

"There is a marking, read that part, my dear lad."

Harry began to read calmly, becoming more worried the longer he read

"Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me." Tobias squeezed Severus hand and he looked up to his fathers calm, relaxed face "In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you?" Again he squeezed his son's hand, but this time Severus saw him swallow hard too "And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also." At this Severus felt Tobias' hand tremble in his and covered it with his other. His heart was beating frantically and when he looked at Tobias, he saw tears on his lashes "And you know the way to where I am going."

Harry looked up when Severus thickly said "Father?"

"Harold, my dear lad, read the other marked places and then begin again, will you?", Tobias voice faded a little at the end and Harry began to read out loud again.

"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account."

Again Tobias squeezed his son's hands and opened his eyes to look at him sadly, unable to say what he wished, but trying to express it anyway. Severus shook his head and pressed his lips together. No, he did not even want to understand.

"Now the overseer is to be above reproach,", when Harry began to read this, Tobias eyes filled with tears and he pulled Severus' hands up to his chest"faithful to his wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle,", he kissed his son's hands, crying silently at the same time and had Harry looked up, he would have seen tears in Severus eyes, as well as the bitter set of his jaw"not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect."

"My dear, dear boy.", Tobias whispered, kissing Severus hand again, full of regret. Severus did not pull away, it was all he could do.

Harry stopped and took a deep breath before reading the next part.

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord."

"I'm so sorry, Severus.", Tobias whispered, his eyes closed in fear of his son's judgement, but Severus had his head bent and eyes closed himself, his arms still stretched out on his fathers chest.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil"
Harry saw that this edition had quotes in the appendix and that Tobias had marked them also. He read from Williams Penn

"They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies."

This quote made Harry stop and he looked up at Severus holding his fathers hand, his head bend over their hands. Apparently Severus had pulled his hands back with Tobias hand still clutched between them. Tobias was looking at him with such gratitude and love that Harry just had to look back down, it felt so personal. His voice was thick when he read the last quote, this one from C.S. Lewis

"Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind."

This made Tobias sigh in a way that had both Severus and Harry look up. There was such longing in that sigh that Severus squeezed his hand rather hard and looked like a petulant, stubborn child when he demanded

"No! You cannot."

Tobias smiled at him and then asked Harry "Read it all again, my dear, dear lad."

And Harry did, he read it again and again until Tobias stopped him and said "There is a passage I picked for you, Harold."

Harry looked up and saw Tobias smile at him warmly, he requested Harry read James 1:27 and it took Harry a while to find it but then he read it:

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans..."

Harry looked up at a smiling Tobias who turned to Severus and said "My boy, I never was religious enough to teach you, but you still fulfilled the scripture by taking the lad. May the Lord bless you two."

Harry felt awkward with Tobias talking about religion and faith, but strangely comforted that he accepted him for Severus with such determination. Harry looked at Severus, unsure of his reaction. His jaw and lips were still set in a stubborn and bitter line but when he spoke he said

"I did not take him for the Lord and I... I only ever craved your acceptance."

Tobias nodded and then patted his sons hand "You have it my boy, you have it now."

Harry was sure that Severus was thinking it was pretty late now, but he did not say a thing. Harry hadn't realized how late it was until Sharon peeked in and announced that it would soon be time for Tobias' evening routine. This seemed to be some sort of code, for Severus nodded at her and soon after prepared to leave.

"I will be back soon, father and if I can I'll bring Harry.", he promised mildly, Tobias nodded and then waved Harry to himself to hug him tightly to his chest.

"Be a good boy and wait for your Papa outside.", he whispered to him before releasing him. Severus wondered about Harry leaving and closing the door behind himself until Tobias waved him to himself. He received a tight hug as well and Tobias kissed his forehead.

"I love you, Severus, my child."

"Father...", Severus said uncomfortably

"I wanted you to know.", Tobias interrupted "I am proud of you. I don't care about your mistakes. You realized what you did wrong and took the right turn in the end. You took the boy."

Severus took a deep breath but looking at his father he knew that was not all, finally Tobias said seriously "Make him your son, Severus."

"He is, father, in all that counts."

"I know you feel that way.", Tobias said quietly, glancing at the door "But if you don't say things and don't make them real... In the end that's what counts, my child. Do not end up like me, on your death bed, trying to convey in the end what I failed to tell you all my life. Make it real now, do not have any regrets, do not make my mistakes."

Tobias practically begged in the end, his eyes desperate.

"Father... I...", Severus did not know how to explain what held him back from formally adopting Harry, or even just taking custody. But more than the complex situation it was his heart that held him back. All of it seemed like empty excuses when it came to the child he considered his son. It was unfair to Harry, he knew "I will, father, I will make him my son one day, I promise."

Tobias seemed to want to argue about the vague time frame but just nodded in the end and they said goodbey to each other.

Severus was quiet the way back and Harry did not have the desire to break the silence. Nor did he know how he would do so acceptably. So he kept quiet when they reached the alley and Severus hugged him again, rather tightly this time. But after they apparated, Severus didn't let go of him, so Harry felt obligated to ask "Papa? Are you alright?"

"I love you, Harry.", Severus whispered back, his voice so thick that Harry felt sure he was crying, while holding fast to the child in his arms.

"Papa?", Harry asked, unsure of how to act and horrified how panicky his voice sounded. But when he felt Severus shoulders tremble, he tightened his arms around Severus' middle and knew there was really only one thing he could say, the only thing that made any sense right now "I love you, too, Papa."

It did seem awkward and he felt unsure about it, but he knew that it had done what he desired when his Papa took a deep breath and let go of him, composing himself. Harry couldn't feel happy right at this moment, that Severus had said he loved him. It felt so desperate and out of the vulnerability to have seen Tobias so near death. Harry supposed Severus must feel cut open right now, his emotions on the forefront and bare. Harry excused him in his mind for saying that because he just wanted to have no regrets, he didn't want to end up like his father. He didn't really mean it. Harry fought hard not to feel disappointed at that.

Severus was standing at the door to Harrys room, looking in on the sleeping child. Harry was lying on his stomach, arms and legs thrown over all sides of the bed, half of his appendages dangling off the edge. Severus tutted at that and arranged the child properly on the bed, leaving him to sleep on his stomach. He tucked his blanket in on all the boy's sides and frowned at the crazy mess of his hair. Harry was drooling open mouthed as well and Severus amused himself imagining what Harry was dreaming about. Probably he was remembering one of the many Hogwarts feasts. But he had his feast cookies to taste them whenever he liked...

The cookies brought back the thought of the box that still resided under Harrys bed. It had felt incredibly good to hear Harry say he loved him. He felt ashamed for needing the reassurance, he was a grown man after all, but his childhood had left him craving and under-confident. Severus carefully sat down on the bed, Harry closing his mouth in reaction to his proximity. Severus looked Harrys face over carefully, imagining how Harry would look with his features instead of James'. Would he love him more if he had the Snape's hooked nose or their "tones", as Tobias had but it. Would he feel surer about himself if Harry had a problem with oily hair the way he had or shallow skin? He slowly put his hand on the messy hair and smiled about his thoughts. They were idiotic, really. Of course none of that would change anything about his feelings.

But knowing he was the fruit of his and Lily's love – would that change it? He contemplated that seriously. He would think of that when he saw him, every time. But even though Harry was not his biological son with Lily, he thought about her whenever Harry showed some sign of relation with her. Snape sighed. Where were all if these thoughts coming from?

The truth was he would probably think of Harry far more possessively and be smug about fathering a child with Lily. He would be far more likely to act as Tobias had done towards him, it was in his blood. The distance that came with having no blood relation to Harry meant that he was more guarded with him. He wasn't likely to show affection, as much as he wasn't likely to hit or abuse him in any way. He swallowed thickly. If he ever lay a hand on this child he would never forgive himself. Especially not after all he knew Harry had been through and how unsure he was of himself still. The box was a steady reminder of that. He vowed he would make that box disappear or turn it into something he would like to see. He stroked Harry hair out of his eyes and cupped his cheek. Harry was breathing deeply, his eyes darting behind his closed lids, he was dreaming. Snape leaned down and whispered into his ear.

"Nice dreams, Harry."

His lips were so close to Harrys face, it would be no effort at all to kiss his cheek but he straightened up and left the room.

Harry really enjoyed his first proper Defense against Dark Arts lessons. Especially after the idiot Lockhart, Remus was like a revelation! Harry felt secretely proud of his Uncle to the point of giddyness, it was starting to annoy his two best friends. Their lesson on boggarts was the one that brought him back down from cloud nine.

"Harry, will you help me pack up?", Lupin asked after and Harry received some weird looks, which he constituted to being about the only one who hadn't faced the boggart. He helped lock the cupboard firmly and turned to the professor. Obviously he hadn't needed the help, so it was clear he wanted to talk to Harry. And sure enough he put a hand on Harrys shoulder.

"I'm sorry I couldn't let you face the dementor."

"But Uncle, why?"

"I believed it would take Voldemorts form or the Basilisk...", Remus answered, looking worried "I didn't want the other kids to face that." Harry felt a burst of anger at this, he had had to face the real thing! "But it turned into a dementor, how very poetic... Fear of fear itself."

Harry cleared his throat, shaking Remus out of his contemplation

"Yeah... I hear mum in her last moments when they come."

Remus lost all colour in his face and looked so lost, that Harry felt bad for saying it. He had known his parents, it must be horrible to hear something like that. Out of guilt and sympathy, Harry hugged him. Remus patted him on the back and they both jumped apart, when they heard the door opening.

"Oh.", it was Lavender Brown "Ron and Hermione told me to bring you, I forgot my bag so I came back..."

She looked curiously at them until Harry had hastily packed his bag and left the room with her.

Remus sat down at one of the desks and sighed. He didn't look up when the door opened again but when the person sat down next to him. It was Severus, looking mildly interested

"Two times, Severus.", he said cheerily, even though he didn't feel cheerful

"Oh, really?", Severus said acting as if he was impressed "I believe we're at four."

"Four?", Remus said "Wow, not bad. But I'll catch you up..."

Severus snorted amused and conjured two glasses with a high dark bottle of something

"Alcohol in the middle of the day, really Severus?", Remus asked

"Just a shot.", Severus said, pouring one shot for each of them and vanishing the bottle. He raised his glas and then said "Lets play a game. Its a one shot game called 'confessions'. You make one confession and then drink."

Remus raised an eyebrow and hadn't even replied when Severus rushed

"My father is dying and I am actually surprised to feel so beat up about it." He drank the glass down immediately, shuddering. Remus thought it was a pretty stupid game, but at the same time felt obligated to answer after such a personal confession. He wondered why Severus had come to him... Maybe it was because he had lost his parents too or because they were the same age or maybe he was just so confused that he was talking to the first person at hand. Remus stared and then closed his eyes, before saying

"Harry just told me he hears his mother dying, when he comes close to a dementor and I just bragged about the hug I received in comfort from him. Comfort I should be giving him." He downed his glas, eyes closed in pain over the truth of this statement.

"We failed him, didn't we?", Severus whispered

"Me more than you. I was still friends with them when they died..."

Severus flashed his eyes angrily "Just because I wasn't friends with her that moment doesn't excuse me practically being at fault for her death and then not even caring about her son, who I orphaned!"

"You did not.", Lupin said, staring at the desk between them "It doesn't matter, its not a contest of who is allowed to feel more miserable about himself... We both failed..."

Severus pressed his lips together and rolled the glas in his fingers

"I'm sorry, Severus.", Snape looked up at him "You are going through a hard time and I am heaping guilt on you."

Severus shook his head "Don't flatter yourself, I'm perfectly capable of feeling thoroughly miserable about any choice subject without your help."

Lupin gave a dry laugh and leaned back in his chair "My parents died when I was still in school. You feel horribly lost without them, as if you have nowhere to go now."

Snape snorted "My father has been dependant on me for more than a decade. And before that I could never count on him, what do you think why I joined Him?"

Remus hummed a bit and then asked "Do you love your father?"

Snape shrugged, looking longingly into his glass "I care if he lives or dies – but I wouldn't want you to die either and that doesn't mean I love you."

"Now you flatter me.", Lupin grinned and then turned serious "Do you think you can love Harry if you don't even love your father?"

Snape wanted to snap at him but thought about the question, he turned the glass in his hand and answered "I do not love my father, I don't think so. There is too much history. But I do not hate him anymore either, I think I have forgiven him. And if you believe in God or Karma or anything like that, you could say that it was me caring for him, even though I did not love him, that led to me being able to take Harry. I understand how Harry feels, I know how broken he is, because I've been there. But I do not carry that anger or resentment any more, I've moved past it. It shows Harry a way to deal with all of it in a healthy way. I hate the Dursleys, I hate what they did to him and I will continue to punish them. But I do not want Harry to live in the past."

Lupin stared at him and then gave a bitter smile "I wish, Severus, I wish we could have been friends earlier."

Snape stared right back and then said "Who said we are friends now? I'd rather call it an alliance."

Remus smiled and shook his head "Call it what you will, you have gained my friendship and I am a loyal friend."

Remus raised his empty glass to him and then left the room, leaving Snape to think why this last statement made him feel more uncomfortable than proud.

Sirius had been spying on the inhabitants of the castle for a while now and he finally decided to put his plan into action. He trotted slowly and with a limp up to Hagrids hut and whimpered. Hagrid turned to look at him and he reacted the way Sirius had expected

"Hey, you poor creature, what's your problem? Hurt your paw, have ya? Come here, come here."

And soon he was playing outside with Fang, who remembered his scent and didn't mind having his old friend back. It took another few weeks until he finally saw his target trudging back to the castle all alone. He whimpered again and the boy spun around, his broomstick over his shoulder.

"You again!", Harry said in recognition and when the scrawny dog came sniffing and started to beg, even Harry felt bad for him "Poor guy, are you hungry?"

The Dog barked and looked up with large puppy dog eyes.

"Oh well, I can bring you something from dinner if you wait here. Alright?"

The dog barked again and let Harry pet him on the head. Harry went to dinner and packed his plate full, hungry after the Quidditch practice. He told Ron and Hermione about the dog and all three of them went to feed it. The black dog happily jumped on Ron, licking his face. It made all three of them laugh.

"He's so cute.", Hermione said petting him "Do you think he's Hagrids?"

Harry, who now felt stupid for ever having been scared of the dog, answered "No, I already asked."

"Poor thing, he seems to be all alone."

"We could take him.", Ron said "Bring him food and play with him. It'd be fun."

Harry and Hermione nodded "What do we call him?"

"Blacky?", Ron suggested and they both rolled their eyes "What? I never get to name pets."

"I wonder why.", Hermione mumbled

"If we do this, he should at least be 'Black' and not 'Blacky'", Harry said

"Alright, I can live with 'Black'", Ron agreed and Hermione just shrugged "I'll train him to chase Crookshanks."

"You won't! That's so mean!", Hermione whined and Harry had to intervene again to stop an argument before it erupted.

Harry was sitting on the sofa, quietly talking to Ophion, when the flames in Snapes quarters turned green

"Good evening, Harry.", the Deputy Headmistress greeted, Harry nodded and said

"Good evening, Professor. Papa is in his lab, finishing up his potion."

Minerva smiled at him and knocked on the lab door, a moment later the door was thrown open

"What?", Snape asked in a bad mood, scowling

"Is that how you react when poor Harry needs something?", Minerva scolded

"'Poor Harry' knows better than to disturb me while I'm brewing.", Snape countered "What do you need, make it quick."

"Freeze your potion or somehing, I need you."

Snape scowled and ignored Harrys giggles "You mean, put a stasis charm on them?"

"Whatever."

"This better be important, Deputy.", Snape scowled and turned to put the charms on the ingredients and cauldrons "You'll be alright, Harry?"

"Yes, Sir.", Harry said obediently and stroked Ophions lazy head "Even though Ophions no good company tonight."

"You'll manage, I'm sure.", Snape said unconcerned and let Minerva floo back to her office first. He followed soon after and asked immediately "So? What do you need so urgently?"

"Tea.", Minerva said pointing to a service on her table "We haven't had any in a while."

"I should have known.", Snape said and turned back to the fire place

"Come on, you're here now! Stay and have a chat with an old colleague."

Snape snorted but sat down

"So, how are you dealing with our new addition to staff?"

"Lupin? We're alright. He gives Harry another person to look for advice. I guess that's good."

"Indeed, it is.", Minerva smiled, serving Severus favorite biscuits – double dark chocolate "He hasn't changed much since your school days."

"Do you think so? I feel like he's changed a lot. It seems like he has a lot more character and back bone than then."

"Really?", Minerva said calmly, sipping her tea "No, I just think you may see him in a more favorable light because this time he's on your team. Or rather Harry's team." Snape raised a sceptical eyebrow "You know, that's every parents weak spot: their precious little fiend."

Snape cleared his throat "Harry is not my child, he is my ward."

"Keep telling yourself that.", Minerva said, raising an eyebrow herself. They stared at each other a moment, before Snape relented

"I... I think I need your advice, Minerva."

At this Minerva raised both her eyebrows in astonishment

"My father said it too... He feels I should adopt Harry, make it formal. Do you think that's necessary?"

Minerva cocked her head and said "Normally I'd say its first and foremost a question if you feel like its time. But I think you two have grown so close to each other, you could already be called father and son" Snape flushed red at that and sipped his tea again "With Harry of course, everything is more complicated. Its not only your precarious situation with the Death Eaters but also the way in which his parents died – by His hand. Being adopted by a Death Eater, even one who is only a spy, might be problematic for his psyche. And his parents sacrificed themselves for his survival, it will be hard for him to place you as his father. He will feel like he's betraying James."

"I think he already does.", Severus says "He has often slipped up, trying to call me 'Dad', but always prefers 'Papa' to it. I never realized it was James' competition that made me dislike being called anything but 'Dad'... But I think Lupin might help with that. Harry'll feel more connected to James through him and Lupin can assure him he's doing him no dishonor in choosing me as a parental figure."

Minerva hummed in confirmation "Do you feel like he needs reassurance of your relationship? An adoption might be a good way to give him just that."

Snape gave a heart felt sigh "You have no idea!"

Minerva smiled "Seems like I hit a soure spot."

Snape launched into a tale of Harrys insecurities and ended with "I feel so helpless, I don't know how to deal with all of that."

Minerva nodded sadly "We are not trained for that, I am afraid... Have you thought about professional help?"

"A shrink?", Snape sounded rather put off "He's already accused me of thinking him 'mental'"

Minerva pressed her lips together "It would be good for you as well." when Snape wanted to protest she talked over him "Remember all you have had to deal with your father. And now he's in such a state and it must all be coming back to you. And you would be setting a good example for Harry. A shrink would help you to deal with the loss of your father and any lingering resentment you have towards him. And it'd show Harry that you don't have to be a basket case to go seek help."

Snape snorted at the 'basket case' comment but nodded "I'll think about it."

"While you do, you can tell me about it. How was your last visit with Tobias?"

"Harry went with me...", Snape struggled to continue but Minervas reassuring smile kept him going "He's such a wonder, that boy. You should have heard him. He read to father from the scripture. It sounded so innocent... Tobias had picked a few sections, mostly about his own regrets and death. It was hard to listen to..."

Minerva reached over the table and squeezed his hand in understanding

"I don't love him, but I don't want to loose him... He's always been there and I can't imagine life without his annoying presence...", Snape sighed warming his hands on the cup "But Harry... he was wonderful. Like a little angel, sent from heaven for me to cleanse me from my sins."

Minerva sighed as well "It is rather ironic... Her child to be your saint?"

He laughed bitterly at that and said "Poetic justice. Lily would have laughed at that."

"Lily would have loved to see you two together.", Minerva amended softly "She loved both of you and it would have warmed her heart to see you united."

Snape didn't know what to reply to that.

When he returned that night he found Harry curled up on the sofa, snoring, glasses askew. Severus tutted and tried to wake him but he didn't react to any of it. Snape stared at him for a moment, before carefully picking him up. He saw Ophion raise a lazy head at him but he seemed to consider Snape as safe and laid back down. Severus laid Harry on his bed and carefuly detangled Ophion from his wrist. The snake hissed angrily at being woken and separated from his best heat source.

"Be quiet!" Snape ordered "Its for your own good."

The snake didn't seem to agree and tried to strike at him as he safely put it in its terrarium. Snape looked rather put out by the attack and turned his back on the angry little creature. He turned to Ophion's master who had curled up on himself. Snape carefully made him ready for bed and tucked him in.

"I do spoil you, don't I?", Snape said to the sleeping teen "But after what those horrid relatives of yours did, how could I not?"

And there it was, his decision was made up. He'd visit a shrink, if only for Harry's sake...

It was a few weeks hence after brewing that Snape took Harry into the living room with him and opened the discussion

"I've been seeing a shrink."

Harry blinked up at him and cautiosly asked "Why?"

Snape sat down and rubbed his face, he hadn't meant to blurt it out like that, but how else did you say something like this?

"Well, Tobias... my father is dying and... after all the problems we had in my childhood... Minerva suggested I should visit one to help me deal with his death. Sharon gave me a few contacts and I double checked them with the ministry, there was one Squib and I went to her...", he realized he was rambling and closed his mouth. He hadn't anticipated how scared he would be about telling his ward about this. How much he was afraid of being judged and loosing the child's admiration. He rubbed his hands together nervously.

"Well... I think that's a good idea.", Harry said innocently "It must be hard for you with grandfather dying..."

So simple. He would have never thought how a few simple, childish words could free someone. He would have laughed if he didn't fear he'd scare Harry

"Yes... Well, Marty said she'd like to meet you."

"Marty?", Harry laughed "What kind of name is that?"

Severus smiled "Its a nickname, she doesn't want to tell me what her real first name is because its so embarrassing..."

"Have you guessed?"

"Oh yes.", Severus laughed, more about Harry not thinking badly of him than about Martys name "She won't say."

Harry grinned and then asked "Why would she want to see me?"

"Well, I obviously told her about you and a bit about your past. I had to explain how I came to care for you.", Severus explained. Now, this part of the plot was precarious, he didn't want to let Harry know the main reason for his going to the doctor was him "So after our first few sessions she said she'd like to meet you and talk a bit."

"Hmm.", Harry said, "Like a family session?"

Severus smiled at the spot on description "Yes, I believe so."

"OK.", Harry readily agreed, believing to be helping his Papa "Did it help so far?"

"Yes, surprisingly it helped a lot.", Severus admitted and leaned back in his armchair, stretching his legs out "I feel much lighter after talking to her. The good thing about her approach is, she tells you why you feel a certain way. She is very analytical and not so..."

"Mushy?", Harry suggested

"I would have preferred the term 'sentimental', but yes.", Severus laughed and thought back to their sessions.

It was true, talking to Marty had helped a lot. He realized now why he felt a certain way. She had even explained to him what he had never been able to explain to himself: Why he had taken care of his father, when he fell ill. Of course, every decent person would have done so, but he didn't consider himself a decent person. At least not then, when he had just turned his back to the Death Eaters and his father was a liability to his spying. She had explained that deep down he still felt responsible for his parents' failed marriage. If he hadn't been born maybe Tobias would have never realized Eileen was a witch. So when his dying mother asked him to take care of Tobias after she was gone, it was his own guilt that responded. Later when he saw Tobias helpless and in need of care, it awoke with the desire to repent. He was trying to pay his father back for destroying his life. Snape had shook his head at that but known in his heart that she was right. As sick as it was, he did feel responsible for destroying his parents happy life.

He sighed, knowing that had put a lot of his actions into perspective and he had asked Marty if she believed that he had taken Harry too, because he felt guilty about the role he played in his parents' death. Marty had given him a sad smile that said it all. He had felt horrible in that chair in front of his shrink, realizing that everything good he had done had come out of guilt. But she had told him something that soothed his conscience: It didn't matter why, as long as he was doing the right thing, it didn't matter what it had been born out of. When she said that he remembered Lily once saying that the most beautiful things are born out of the most disgusting source. Like Lilies.