Draco's life became increasingly absorbed with the missives between himself and Id. He was determined to find out about this strange student if it was the last thing he did.

What Draco was acutely aware of, though, was that, just like he had no obligation to write to Id, Id had no obligation to write to him. If, at any point, he crossed the line with Id, this anonymous person could just not reply, and then he would never know who Id was or what was troubling him or her.

Draco suspected Id was a boy, just on the grounds of the wording. It was too strongly worded to be a girl, unless the girl was particularly boyish to begin with. Maybe the Granger girl would write a message like that. She spent enough time with boys that their writing style probably rubbed off on her. There were a couple other girls like that too, but statistically, if the patterns held true, Id was a boy.

The next morning, Draco rose, showered and dressed, like the previous morning, and also now in his routine, he checked the mail station, expecting a reply, which he found. He took it to the hall to read. This would become his new morning ritual, as would replying over breakfast, to drop the letter off at lunch, and to check back the next morning.

The Monster in the Dark

Who the hell do you think you are?! You think this is funny?! THIS IS MY LIFE! You high and mighty people think that you can just come and rule over everything and everyone and think that if they do a little charity work then they are absolved from any wrong doing. Well, let me get this straight for you right now. I AM NOT YOUR CHARITY CASE! I am not here to help you sleep at night. That's not my job. So screw you and screw your charity. I don't need it. I don't even know why I'm still writing you.

I'm tired. I'm just so tired. People are all the same. No one wants you. They just want to use you. I'm just a used up idiot. Yeah, that's right, my name is IDIOT. Because that's what I am; an idiot. Well, you want to know something about me? I tell you. I have people that are suppose to care about me, never lift a finger to help me. Not even with...no. I'm not going there. You don't care.

Then I have people who don't even like me, said they don't like me, and do more for me than the ones who are supposed to love me.

URGH!

I'm just tired. I just want this all to end, or stop. I just want this over. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

Forget about me. (everybody else does)

Idiot

Draco blinked several times at the letter, and reread it at least twice. This was becoming a matter of utmost delicacy very quickly. If he said one wrong word at this point, he was sure his correspondent would not reply.

Idiot? Id? Really? Draco had dismissed the name as being a reference to the instinctive part of the human psyche, discovered by that wizard named Freud. Perhaps there was still some connection between this person's id and his use of that pen name, Draco mused. He certainly wasn't going to address his letters to Id anymore, though. And he was going to tell this person such. He would just have to come up with a new pen name, if Id couldn't come up with something more flattering than that.

Dear

Draco spent long and hard trying to think of an appropriate yet not insulting pen name for Id. He was particularly amused by the idea "National Insecurity" but that seemed to be too much a dig at Id's already fragile self-esteem.

Dear Alchemist (Id),

I refuse to use your chosen pen name just on principle. I compromised to putting it in parentheses so that you know this letter is for you. You are most certainly not an idiot. Who told you that you were? Your parents? A teacher? Both? Well, parents and teachers say those things, and they're not true. It doesn't excuse it, but not everything your parents say is true. Sometimes parents are wrong. I've always liked the word "alchemist." It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

*sigh* An attempt at humor (because I gather that that is what you are upset about) does not mean that I don't take you seriously. I'm not a fool, much as you may take me for one. I know that a good deed doesn't cancel out a bad one. But a bad deed doesn't cancel out a good one either. I'm not looking for redemption. I'm not sure it's possible.

Now, as far as the issue of this being charity, it is most certainly not. If you read my reason for responding to your letter, it was a very selfish reason. Charity is entirely noble and unselfish. Therefore, you can rest assured this isn't charity. If it were charity, I would have said something like "Because I want to make the world a better place" or some rubbish like that. As far as your obligation to help me is concerned, you're absolutely right. You have no obligation to help me, and I don't expect you to. I don't want pity, and I doubt you do either. If you choose not to write, that is your decision, but I hope you don't choose that. For some reason, I actually kind of like you.

Yeah, people are jerks. People use each other all the time, and it doesn't get any better apparently. At least that's what I'm finding out. I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with that. Not fun. But hey, not literally everyone is like that. There's a few good people out there - I think. You just have to find them. You said you have a friend - the one who made you promise to write when it got to be too much. Isn't he/she a good person? Obviously he/she cares about you, if he/she made you promise.

You know, just because someone is supposed to care for you doesn't mean they will. I gather from what you wrote, you're no stranger to that thought. Well, neither am I. That's when you find someone who does care, and you hold on for dear life. When you've found someone who does give a crap about you, don't ever let that person go. I found someone who gave a crap about me, and, while I might be a pretty good situation myself right now, if it weren't for him, I'd be in a bigger one.

Liking and loving are two different things. Is it possible that these people who don't like you actually do love you?

I need you to answer this question, and answer it honestly - are you truly suicidal? Or are you trying to find a way to express yourself?

You have also completely ignored a previous question (for a second time) and I intend to keep asking it until you answer. Are you in danger?

Give me one good reason why I should forget about you. Everyone else forgetting is, in fact, a reason why I should not. Remember, people are stupid. I would wager a bet that they've forgotten someone pretty important, then, if they've forgotten about you. Your friend doesn't seem to have forgotten either.

The Monster in the Dark