Alex felt like his life was working quite well now. After all that had happened, he had overcome a lot of obstacles and could now look forward to a wonderful life. Well almost. Voldemort was still on the loose. And Sirius Black couldn't seem to stand the sight of him. But Remus was his real Defense teacher, the one who gave him his marks, so all was as well as could be expected in those quarters.

His study group had developed to a clique of friends and slowly they were turning Theodore's convictions about blood purity around. It was nice to be doing something and he was really glad, when Teddy decided to accompany them to Hogsmeade together. Normally he would not be seen with them outside the library, but he was really coming around. Alex was glad to see Hermione and Neville happy as well, they were recovering from their friend's death. Alex was a little worried over Ron, who had begun casting him hateful glances, but as he had yet to do or say anything, Alex wasn't too worried.

Life with a father was also turning out to be a blast. Christmas break was approaching fast and from a few comments he had gotten from Severus, he was getting him another present. So for this trip to Hogsmeade he and his friends had one agenda: get presents! As they were all buying presents for everyone in their group, they split up once they reached the village and then appointed a place and time to meet later. Alex pondered if this was the reason Nott had chosen this outing to accompany them. As they were split up, there was a lot less chance of being seen with them. Alex decided not to worry about it too much. He had the suspicion that Mr. Nott was a Death Eater and Teddy had to be careful. Being hated for something from his own family, Harry understood that. But Teddy had a choice and if he chose not to put himself into trouble a few weeks before seeing his Dad at Christmas, Alex got that.

After strolling around the village and getting everyone a present, Alex sat down on one of the stairs to an old bookshop. He was breathing rather heavily, he noticed, even though he hadn't walked that far. He frowned. This had been happening to him for a while now. He would get exhausted for walking up the stairs to Divination or during Care of Magical Creatures. He was so tired in the evening he went to bed by 9PM latest. Alex rubbed his forehead. His vision was swimming before his eyes. It had never been this bad. Tired, he leaned his head against the wall and then moaned loudly. His head was bursting! It was so painful Alex thought for a moment it must be Voldemort. But no, he was occluding just fine. Suddenly, getting air into his lungs seemed the greatest effort of all times. Harry gasped for air like a fish out of water and pulled it in in short snaps. It didn't seem to help, it wasn't enough, his head was hurting, his vision tunneling. Harry began to panic.

And suddenly he was in familiar arms, being held and instructed as a wand tip traced his throat down to his chest. His lungs seemed to expand automatically and Harry gulped a few breaths of air in quick succession. His vision was clearing. He felt a vial near his lips and drank the potion greedily. His headache vanished and he blinked up to his father, who was holding him half in his lap and looking at him concerned.

'What happened, Alex?'

Alex blinked and tried to stand up on his own. He staggered and Severus held his arm to steady him.

'Don't know, I suddenly had this attack. I couldn't breath and my head was hurting so I...' he shrugged.

'It sounds like an asthma attack, we will let Madam Pomfrey take a look. Are these yours?'

Harry nodded and Snape pocketed his shopping, then led him back up to the castle.

'Why where you in the village, dad? I thought you didn't have duty this time.'

'I didn't', Snape said, pursing his lips and then glancing at him. He seemed embarrassed 'I met with someone I had dated a long time ago... I guess this time is as good as any: you have a half-sister.'

Alex stopped in his tracks 'What?'

Snape closed his eyes in agitation 'Yes, she is about your age and attends Hogwarts. She doesn't know, but her mother knew all along. She hid it from her husband as she had told him it was his. That was why he had married her in the first place. But now she wants a divorce for another reason and threw this little fact in his face. This was when she decided to tell me as well.'

'But this is... That seems totally unfair and cruel!'

'She is not the kindest person around' he admitted 'Her Slytherin traits were what attracted me in the first place. That is until she dumped me for her husband and gave him my child.'

Severus shook his head and then took Alex by the shoulder to keep him walking.

'Who is it then?'

'Tracey Davis.'

Alex blinked, she was the girl Theodore had a crush on, the only Slytherin girl in their group of friends. He shook his head in confusion. He would need to write a few pages in his journal tonight.

But he wouldn't. He never would again.

As he was lying back, being checked through by Madam Pomfrey, she gave out a hiss of shock. Father and son looked at her surprised and she said 'This is... this can't be!'

'What?' Snape snapped 'Speak woman!'

Pomfrey looked up to him with widened eyes and said 'Dark Magic. His body has been wasting away because of Dark Magic.'

'A curse?' Snape breathed and then sat down on Harry's bed, had he overseen a curse from the torture?

'No' she answered, frowning 'It's a continual dose... Every day, even at about the same time.'

'What have you been doing?' Snape turned his anger towards Harry, who flinched

'Nothing!' he said imploringly 'No, Dark Magic, that's for sure!'

As Severus took a deep breath to start admonishing him, Poppy interrupted 'Tell me your schedule.'

Harry frowned 'I wake up, I shower, get ready for the day...'

'No!' she interrupted again 'The items you use.'

Harry frowned, going through his routine in his mind and listing 'A towel, toothbrush, hair brush, my clothes, shoes and stuff... My school things, books, ink, parchment... cutlery and plates, glasses, cups...'

'Things that only you touch' Snape said, to limit the options. Harry thought hard

'Well, there isn't much that I touch exclusively. I lend stuff to people, ink and books and things... Well, I guess they don't touch my clothes... No wait, when someone touches me, they touch them too... Hmm... Oh!'

Harry blinked 'My journal. I write in it every day and I have charmed my night table, so no one can open the drawer but me. I didn't like the way Malfoy looked at it...'

'Where did you get it? You told me you bought it with your school supplies?'

'Yeah...' Harry thought about it for a moment 'I got it at Derwish and Banges' Snape sucked in a sharp breath 'I asked him! He said it didn't write back or anything.'

'Idiot boy!' Snape snapped at him and jumped up, then ran for the floo. He was sucked away in green flames after shouting 'Slytherin Common room!'

'Harry' Poppy said seriously 'How could you just use something that you bought from a shop like that?'

Harry shrugged 'It never did anything to me so I thought it was safe. And the shopkeeper sold it to me. I thought if it was dangerous, he wouldn't give it to a kid, right?'

'I do not think he cares much for the safety of children.' She answered weakly, sitting down and rubbing her face. A moment later Snape came in, the journal between his two fingers, a handkerchief keeping it from touching him directly.

'It's just a Dream Catcher.'

Pomfrey gave a relieved sigh.

'A Dream Catcher? Like those things you hang outside, from native Americans?'

'No' Snape said, dropping it on the night table 'Everything you write in it turns into your dreams. Pleasant dreams.'

'That doesn't sound too bad.'

Snape sighed 'It's not the worst Dark Magic you will encounter, surely. But do you know how your brain works? Trauma – and you have had plenty of it – is lived through in dreams. It helps your psyche deal with emotions you cannot deal with while awake. It's a coping mechanism for your brain and important for your health.

The Dream Catcher has prevented you from dealing with your issues, this explains why you are functioning so well, even though you have been through so much. It's addictive and can get very dangerous, as it draws life energy from you to work. That is why you have been feeling weak and why you had the asthma attack. Your body is struggling doubly, one under the emotional strain and two under the physical and magical strain that results from the Dream Catcher feeding on you.'

Harry blinked 'And what do we do now?'

Poppy rubbed her hands together 'We will destroy the journal, that is the first thing. You will have to go through withdrawal. You will have to work through all the issues you have been pushing away.' Snape paled as she said that 'We can give you potions for your physical needs and you will need to take it easy for the next few days. But you need help for your psychological health as well.'

'A shrink?' Harry asked disbelievingly

'A very good idea.' Snape said, standing up 'You will come live with me now, as the withdrawal is not something you will want your house mates to know and experience with you. No Hogsmeade or Quidditch until I say otherwise. And we will arrange for your counselling to continue forthwith.'

Harry stared at Severus blankly and then said angrily 'No! It's not my fault, I didn't know what was happening!'

'Once again you show me how very Gryffindor you are – acting without thinking, how could you do something that stupid?' Snape shouted, his patience finally snapping. Hearing that hurt. A lot.

'I'm a Slytherin! And back then I didn't even use the journal, I didn't know what it did.'

'You had come across a similar Dark object just the year before and learned absolutely nothing! Miss Weasley died and...!'

Tears shot to Harry's eyes and he blinked furiously, cutting Snape off with 'I know that! I know all that! I don't know what was wrong with me...'

'I assume' Madam Pomfrey said calmly, reminding them both that they were not alone 'that you are talking about the time you spent in Knockturn Alley? When you were cutting your arms?' Harry blushed and looked down at his lap. Why did she know about that? Had it been Madam Pomfrey who healed him back in Spinners End? Snape must have nodded at her question, for she continued 'You had developed an infection, it may have been affecting your decision making skills as well.'

'That can happen?' Harry asked, momentarily forgetting about his fight with his father, the matron nodded

'Your mind and body are not separated, they are a unity and they affect each other.'

'This brings another question to mind.' Snape scowled at Harry 'How did you cope with the memory of Julian back at the pub? If you weren't using the journal then?'

The black eyes bored into Harry's eyes and Harry found himself replying without thinking 'I cut myself. And a boy gave me stuff, it made me dream about my parents.'

Severus stared at him open mouthed 'Stuff?'

'He called it Blues' Harry explained, realizing that this had not been the best idea. He shouldn't have told Snape, who sat down on his bed again, his legs actually shaking from weakness.

'I can't believe it.' Snape moaned, hiding his face in his hands 'Is this both the luckiest and the unluckiest child alive?'

Madam Pomfrey gave him a wry smile, before she turned back to Harry with a stern expression 'You do realize that you could have killed yourself?'

Harry blinked. He was hearing a lot of that today.

'The street drug you are talking about, Blues, it gave you hallucinations. It interfered with your mind and magic, at the same time as you were inflicting self-harm, affecting your mind and body. Do you realize where this mixture could have led you? How easily you could have overdosed? How your infection could've been worsened by the drug?'

Harry shook his head, more to clear it than to answer.

'I am with Severus, you do need constant supervision. I will run more scans to see if there is any effect of this Blues left in your system. Dear Merlin!' she said furiously and waved her wand about. Harry was looking at his father, who hadn't emerged from behind his hands. He poked him in the shoulder.

'Dad?'

Snape put his hand in his lap and looked up warily 'I have failed you so thoroughly that I must be the world's worst father.'

Harry felt his heart drop 'It wasn't your fault! I did it to myself.'

Snape just stared at him and then quietly said 'Let me help you, Harry, let me make it well again. Please.'

Harry looked dismayed at the request. He didn't think he needed help really, but the way his father was looking at him, one would imagine he was dying or something. He nodded reluctantly and then scooted over to give his father a quick awkward hug. As he wanted to pull back, Snape encircled his arms around him and held him to his chest. Harry realized that Madam Pomfrey had left and leaned into the embrace.

'You are not the worst father. Not at all.' Harry murmured 'You are the best father I know.'

Snape gave a dry laugh 'Excuse me, but with your frame of reference that doesn't exactly fill me with pride.'

Harry laughed too. Yeah, he could see how Snape would think that. He leaned back to look him in the eyes to clarify 'No, I meant... I've seen people like Arthur Weasley as well. But I'm glad that you're my father.'

Snape gave him a sad smile, that didn't reach his eyes and let him go 'Even though I don't agree, I am sincerely glad to have you as my son. Complete with all the issues.'

Harry smiled up sheepishly, just realizing what he kept putting his dad through time and again. And still, he was glad to have him as a son. It filled him with warmth and a sense of safety. Whatever happened, his dad would be there to take care of it.

Withdrawal was such an innocent word for such a horrible, cruel thing. Harry understood quickly why he was required to stay with his father. He learned it on the very first night as he woke up, whimpering and crying from his nightmares. Julian, Voldemort, Bellarix and curiously Sirius Black had been haunting his dreamland. Still feeling their hands on his body, he jumped out of his bed and ran outside. It was bitter cold in the dungeons and he walked straight up to his father's bedroom without knocking and then slipped into his bed. But his father was not a spy for nothing.

'Lumos! Harry!' he said surprised at the visitor in his bed, tear tracks on his face, expression scrunched up in memory 'What happened? Are you hurt?'

Harry shivered and shrugged 'Nightmare.'

Snape, who had sat up, lay back down and took a few deep breaths 'Shall I keep the lights on?'

Harry shook his head and scooted closer to him 'Can I just stay here, Dad?'

Snape glanced at him and gave another deep sigh 'Nox'

In the safety of the darkness surrounding them, Severus pulled Harry close and held him 'It's the withdrawal, it will not be the last nightmare. And your inhibitions are lowered because of it as well, not that I'm complaining...'

With that he settled more comfortably beside Harry and stroked his hair until the boy fell back asleep, this time to dreamless sleep.

This had repeated itself for four nights, when Snape decided Harry needed to sleep in his bed until the worst night horrors were overcome. Harry secretly thought Snape rather enjoyed it, but wisely shut up. As Snape would decidedly not enjoy being woken up by a screaming, trashing Harry. And he was right.

Severus had not expected how bad the nightmares were, as Harry came to him afterwards, when most of it had already left his system. Witnessing it first hand was like a knife being struck repeatedly into his chest.

It was the fifth night, the very first time he had gone to sleep directly in his father's bed, that he was woken be a punch in his jaw. Disoriented and angry, Snape turned to the teenager, while rubbing his jaw. Harry was thrashing wildly, flinging his arms and legs about. He gave frightened little sounds and jerked as if he was being grabbed or hit.

'Harry, wake up.' Severus tried to wake him without touching him, but it wasn't enough. So he reached out and shook the boy's shoulder. That was a horrible mistake, as Harry gave a shuddering whimper and tried to get away so fast he fell off the bed. This had fortunately the effect of waking him. But contrary to what Severus thought, the boy didn't come up to the bed again 'Harry?'

Snape looked over the edge of the bed, where Harry was lying in a pitiful little heap, feverish eyes and flushed cheeks looking up at him.

'Come here.' Harry shivered at the command and shook his head, scooting back 'What's wrong, Harry?'

'No, please don't.' Harry said, tears filling his darting eyes, as if he was searching for an exist 'I'll tell someone, I swear! Don't touch me.'

Severus understood what Harry had been dreaming about in an instant and his stomach dropped 'Harry, it's me Severus. Lumos!'

Harry blinked in the bright light, slowly adjusting to it and groggily asking 'Severus?'

'Your dad. Come here.'

Harry blinked up at him, his pupils finally adjusted to the wand light. He gave a deeply relieved sigh, when he recognized his father. This, more than anything, cut into Severus heart. He had been so trapped into his nightmare only visible proof could free him, even though he was already awake. Harry came back into the covers and settled in. Pity like he had never felt before, not even when he thought Harry dead, filled his father's heart. Severus reached over and combed his fingers through the always unruly hair. Harry turned his head to look at him curiously.

'Come here, my child.' Severus whispered and opened his arms. Harry hesitated, but then scooted over, hugging his father. 'My poor, sweet child.'

Harry closed his eyes, finally safe in his father's arms.

And withdrawal meant that Harry was banned not only from Quidditch and Hogsmeade but from classes as well. He would experience random emotional outbursts, starting to scream in fury or fear. Crawling at his skin to rip it open or pulling at his hair. Dobby stayed with him most of the day and Severus kept him around for the rest. It was going on his nerves extremely to not have one minute alone. But his father had promised that the worst would be over, when the holidays came around.

Harry was brushing his teeth one evening, eying the open door with distaste. His father didn't even let him lock the door if he was going to the loo! How embarrassing was that? Even though he had yet to walk in on his son, Harry didn't like the possibility. He spit out the toothpaste and moodily put everything away he had been using.

'Ready for bed?' his father asked over his book as Harry walked out of the bathroom. Harry gave him a face one would have with a severe tooth ache

'I hate this! It's so boring. I'm all better, dad, can't I go back to classes and stuff?'

'Not yet.' Severus said seriously 'When your counselor says so, we can discuss the possibility. Sit with me for a while.'

Harry came over and sat down, crossing his arms defensively. He knew his father was right, but that didn't mean he had to like it!

'Now, I know you are bored. So how about this weekend we do something together?'

Harry blinked up at him, his arms falling loosely down at his sides 'Like what?'

'I used to go wandering in the woods with my father, when I was a boy. He taught me about herbs and flowers...' Severus said, leaning back into the sofa and regarding Harry 'Would you like that? There are a lot of interesting creatures and plants in the forbidden forest.'

Harry stared at his father. Up until now his father had taken his responsibility with him seriously. He had given him all necessities, cared for his health and well-being. He had been kind and even affectionate, when he believed Harry needed physical contact. But never had he yet expressed a direct desire to spend time with him - just for the pleasure of it. That it could be a pleasure, it still seemed impossible to believe. Suddenly tears shot into Harry's eyes as he thought back on all the occasions he was dumped at Mrs. Figg's because he was unwanted. When Dudley and his Dad would go to do something fun and he'd be left behind, cooking and cleaning. Harry bit his lip and looked away. But the Dark Magic that was seeping out of his system forced him to relive his emotions of loneliness and abandonment. He gave a sob and suddenly clamped his hand onto his mouth. He hated these emotional outbursts!

But Severus had learned how to deal with them by now. He pulled Harry against him, actually pulling the teenager onto his lap, back pressed against his father's chest. Usually, Severus would hold him until the episode was over but this time he talked.

'It's okay Harry. I'm here, my child.' Harry cried unhaltingly, like all of it had just happened and not a long time ago - or what felt like a long time now. 'Shh, my sweet child, I'm here.'

Harry felt embarrassed to his bones but couldn't stop the heart wrenching sobs and cries. He wouldn't be able to take control until the feeling was lived through. So he cried and cried, wondering how many tears one person could produce.

'I'm here now and never going away.'

That stopped it. Harry hiccuped and looked up under tear smeared cheeks and a running nose 'What?'

Severus stroked his sweaty hair away and repeated 'I will always be here for you.'

That almost had Harry crying again but this time for disbelieving happiness. He ducked his head and murmured 'I'd love to wander the woods with you, dad.'

Severus kept stroking his hair, when he dryly said 'Maybe when you feel better, child.'

Severus looked up as the counselor left Harry's bedroom and walked up to him.

'May I have a word?'

Severus nodded, offering her a seat and putting his journal away

'Now that the withdrawal from the Dark Addiction is complete, Harry's real symptoms are surfacing.' she started, Snape nodded seriously 'I must tell you that he is experiencing PTSD, it is not entirely unexpected after what he has been through.'

'PTSD...' Severus said slowly, straining to remember what symptoms that included 'Isn't that a disorder found in war veterans?'

'Yes, but not exclusively. Any traumatic event can cause the disorder in a varying degree. As you know, Harry was abused by his relatives for years, but what may have begun the disease is the sexual assault by his uncle's colleague. Harry suppressed the memories of it, I suspect his magic played a role, and thus delayed any psychological effect. He came back to Hogwarts, where he was later faced with the death of a teacher and fellow student. Therapy revealed the sexual assault and he started self-harming. That behaviour helped him function relatively undetected until the end of the year. When he found the drug in Knockturn Alley, he started substituting it for the self-harm. After the kidnapping and subsequent events he was in a state of psychological shock, not able to deal with the trauma. Before it could trigger into PTSD he started using the journal to repress it yet again.' the therapist sighed 'Now his mind is finally catching up to the events. The nightmares and emotional outbursts during withdrawal period were the first indicators. What behaviour have you witnessed in him?'

Severus leaned back and took a deep breath 'He is withdrawn, his teachers report that he has stopped volunteering information, in fact I rarely see him talking to anybody and haven't heard his voice above a whisper for a while.' Severus frowned 'He flinches at loud noises or touch. When I think about it... he tenses, when he realizes someone is approaching, who is out of sight... But most of all, he zones out for lengthy periods of time and acts as if he is living through a nightmare.'

'He's having flashbacks.' she explained and then leaned forward to look him in the eyes intensely 'Listen. There is good in everything.' Severus frowned at her and she rushed her explanation, before he could interrupt 'That Harry is an abused child may actually help him overcome the PTSD in this case. He has been adopted into your household – a safe, loving environment. Research indicates that in such cases there is a very good chance that he will heal and become a resilient, grateful and healthy child and adult. A little help from me and a lot of support from you will bring him back on his feet in no time, I am sure.'

Resilient. That sounded a lot like Harry, Severus thought, his glance tracing the door to his son's room. But the therapist was already going on.

'Furthermore he has experience with Occlumency, which can provide him with a safe inner place to hide in, if he should need it, when a flashback threatens to overcome him. This way he can be safe whenever and wherever he is. Other than that I will utilize different therapies, that basically all center around making his experiences real and tangible to him and then make it a safe memory, that is a part of his evolution.'

Harry stared at his father and then gulped, fidgeting 'Must I?'

'No.' Severus said calmly, leaning back into the couch 'You may stay here longer if you wish. But you will not return to classes until you have absorbed them.'

The innocent looking vial lay in front of them, glinting in the candle light. The liquid gas inside looked as white and foggy as any other memory would, but Harry knew exactly what it contained and in his opinion it should be black. Harry glanced up through his fringe at his father. He knew he'd never return to normal if he kept pushing away the inevitable. He needed to absorb those memories back in, to make them part of him and his past – to overcome them.

His trembling hand reached for the vial and he opened it, before he could back down 'How?'

Severus dipped his wand into the vial and several strands of memory clung to it. He lifted them out and looked at Harry questioningly 'Ready?'

Harry gripped Severus' wrist 'Stay with me'

'Always.' Severus promised softly and Harry nodded for him to continue.

Far too early his memories of some of the worst incidents of his life returned to him and he shuddered under their weight. Even though he had talked it through with Amelia, his therapist, taking them in made them so real it was physically painful. His stomach clenched and his throat constricted as the memory of that hated touch and his helplessness returned to him. The smell, the sound, his words and the way his smile made Harry's stomach turn.

'Dad' he whimpered and immediately arms wrapped around his shoulders and pulled him in one smooth motion into his lap, cradling him.

'Shh' Severus said above him, holding him to his chest and rubbing his back 'It's alright, he's gone and he will never hurt you again. You did it, you survived, you're safe.'

Harry leaned into the touch, savoring it. He didn't even wonder about how he could be practically sucking in all that physical comfort, when not so long ago any touch made him feel like peeling off his skin.

'You are a brave, strong boy. I am so proud of you, my child, so very proud.'

Harry relaxed at those words, he had done the right thing. He had taken a step forward in the right direction. He would heal now, he would get better.

'I love you, Harry' Severus whispered and Harry stiffened under his touch for a moment 'And I love you, Alex.'

Harry laughed a little at that and murmured 'Thanks, Dad.'