His history with the Dursleys was rather depressing as well. Until now he could only remember one horrible incident after the other. There was rarely anything good in it and when it was, it mostly involved other people than the Dursleys. But there was definitely no denying that the lessons worked for his recovery, every night he lived through more memories and the picture of his past was completing itself fast. It was a tiring process and Harry felt depressed by what was coming to light. Was there no moment in peace in his miserable life until he entered Hogwarts? No wonder he loved the Weasleys better, there wasn't anything to love about the Dursleys! He half wished Dumbledore had never started this unlocking of the past – there was nothing good in it for him.

Harry sighed deeply, as he remembered that Dumbledore was trying to resolve his memory issues so that he could go on to learn proper Occlumency. For every night that he didn't relive the horrible past with his cruel relatives, he was thrown into Voldemort's mind, emotions and actions. He felt himself slip into the monster's skin, when his mind relaxed and watched him torture and kill countless people. Harry was beginning to become as reliable a spy as Snape, Dumbledore had joked weakly one day.

This lesson was no different than any of the others, until now that was. Harry had become accustomed to the way that Dumbledore walked the paths of his mind and unlocked doors after doors of memories. He had left those untouched that had defied his attempts. But now there was no others left and Dumbledore turned to work on the many locks of his mind that prevented a certain memory from surfacing. Harry watched Dumbledore before his mind, gently trying to open the door but failing. A headache was forming behind Harry's eyes but it receded a little, when Dumbledore left his mind, frowning.

'What happened?' Harry asked, rubbing his forehead.

'There is a suppressed memory in your mind, the last to open before everything is unlocked. I believe your mind and magic have worked together in locking it safely even from you own access.'

'What do we do now?'

'Wait and see. It may reveal itself at night, now that I have touched it. I think you will need a swig of Icy Dream Potion, though.'

Harry immediately envisioned himself shivering under the blankets while asleep, but that couldn't be what the Potion did.

'What is it for?'

'If you relive the unlocked memory in your dreams, the potion will dull your emotions during the night, so you can still have a restful sleep.' Dumbledore explained and took out a piece of parchment to write a note on 'Here, give this to Professor Snape, he will provide the potion.'

When Harry sneered while receiving the note, Dumbledore gave him an amused smile and waved him off.

Harry's head was still swimming from the Legilimency, when he knocked on the Potions Master's door and was bid to enter. A bit wobbly on his knees he gave the professor the note and hoped he wouldn't take too much time. Snape frowned at the note, then wordlessly left his office to retrieve the potion from his lab. As he left the office a spot of dizziness overcame Harry. He immediately reached for the desk and held on. It seemed like only a moment later that somebody was shaking his shoulder roughly. As sound rushed back to his mind – accompanied by a horrible swoosh in his ears – he heard his professors voice urge 'Potter! Open your eyes.'

Harry blinked and the office came into focus, he was sitting on the floor in front of the desk, leaning on it. The professor was on his knees, one hand still gripping his shoulder.

'What…?' Harry mumbled, the noise in his ears receding to a dull ache in his head

'I found you passed out here. Why didn't you say you weren't feeling well?'

Harry took a moment to understand the words, before he slowly answered 'It happened suddenly, I only had a headache before.'

Snape scowled at him, then stood up, pulling Harry with him by his arm. He studied the boy for a moment, before he pulled him out of the office. He stalked purposefully in the direction of the infirmary, keeping a strong hold on Harry's arm. After a few steps up the staircase, Harry began to protest.

'I can walk alone!'

'Yes, just the way that you could stand alone in my office for two minutes.' Snape sneered 'I don't want to hear Poppy's admonishments, if you fall and crack your head open, Potter.'

Harry frowned but stopped fussing, following the professor with a grumpy expression and ignoring the curious looks he received from his peers in the hallway. They entered the infirmary and Snape pushed him to one of the beds.

"Get in while I get Madam Pomfrey.' He ordered and then left for the office. He came out a minute later with the nurse, both frowning at Harry 'I told you to get in.'

Harry was sitting on top of the bed, looking ready to bolt any moment

'Mr. Potter, you had better heed the professor's advice.' The matron said sternly waving her wand to cast diagnosis spells. She frowned while going through the readings and then said 'A good night's sleep will be the best remedy. Severus, do you have more Dreamless Sleep on hand?'

'The headmaster advised Icy Dreams, as Potter had an Occlumency lesson just now.'

'Ah.' was all she said, as she received the potion and nodded at him. He gave a short nod back, glanced at Harry and then left the infirmary with billowing robes. The matron stood over Harry until he had taken the potion, then told him to get settled in or else she would have to tuck him in herself. With that threat hanging over him, Harry changed in record time and slipped into bed, falling asleep almost instantly.

Harry felt quite nervous, when he entered the headmaster's office a few days later to find Professor Snape sitting there with him.

'Come in, Harry, come in!' the headmaster said kindly, when Harry stopped in his tracks 'I have consulted with Professor Snape about your memory issue and he has agreed to take a look himself to ascertain what we can do.'

Harry came up to the desk, giving his potions professor a timid nod in greeting 'Err… He's better than you then?'

It felt incredible that anybody could be better in anything than the headmaster. Dumbledore gave him a soft smile 'He has more experience in the mind arts, certainly. But I requested his assistance mainly for another opinion. Sometimes an outside view can mean the crucial breakthrough.'

Harry sat down in the chair besides his teacher and turned to look at him. He must have looked ill at ease – he certainly felt so – because Snape said 'Relax'

Harry had scarcely any time to do so, when he already felt another presence in his mind. He dully recognized that the feeling would have been overpowering, if he hadn't had the experience with Dumbledore before. He felt Snape rummaging in his thoughts, a lot less gentle than Dumbledore. Harry started to doubt Snape had any experience with this… Or maybe he just didn't care if he hurt Harry. Either way, it was done before long and Snape had turned away from him to address the headmaster.

'I see what you mean. His mind is fogging and blocking a set of memories… The best way to proceed, I believe, would be to extract them and thus take away his mind's control over them.'

Dumbledore nodded serenely and asked 'Will you assist?'

Snape nodded sharply. Dumbledore stood up and came around the desk 'Harry, we want to extract the memory from your mind, so you can view it in my pensieve. If it works that should unlock those memories and heal your mind completely. I will enter your mind and direct your thoughts toward the foggy memory, Professor Snape will extract it, when I give the sign. Is that alright?'

Harry heard Snape huff and nodded at the headmaster. They did as Dumbledore had asked and Harry felt the cold tip of Snape's wand at his temple, as the fog was extracted from his mind. Harry shuddered at the sensation, which felt a lot like blowing his nose, when it was blocked up during a bad flu. Just as the last remnant of the fog lifted, Harry flinched at his sudden headache and thus severed the mind connection with Dumbledore. And at once pictures and emotions started raining in on him. Without will or effort he was plunged into one locked memory after the other.

Harry was cleaning the dishes while laughter rang through the living room in Number four Privet Drive. It did not bother him particularly, but he flinched and scurried backwards as he felt a hand descend on his shoulder. When Harry relaxed from his shock, he recognized one of Uncle Vernon's co-workers, who gave him a kind smile.

'Working here all alone? Whatever did you do to earn this punishment?'

Harry shrugged, feeling wary in front of this stranger. He glanced at the pile of dirty dishes and wished the man would leave, so he could continue washing. He flinched again as the man lay his hands on his shoulders.

'Come on, go into your room and have a lie in, you look tired. I'll tell Vernon to lay off you today.'

He smiled as his eyes raked over the piles of dishes and looked sympathetic. Harry was indecisive

'Err, I really think I should finish this…'

'Nonsense!' the man said amiably 'But I'll go ask Vernon, just to be sure.'

Before Harry could call him back and say that that was a bad idea, the man had entered the living room and after a short conversation, Vernon shouted 'Leave the dishes and go to bed, boy.'

Harry couldn't believe his luck. He neatly arranged his dish towel and rubber gloves before turning away to go to his cupboard. But in the corridor he met the man again.

'My name's Julian, by the way. And you are…?'

'Harry Potter', Harry answered quietly, a bit spooked by the man, he tentatively made his way across the hall and opened the cupboard under the stairs. He heard the man's footsteps behind him and shivers ran down his spine, when he came to stand very close behind him.

'That's your room?'

Harry nodded and slipped inside. He thought it would be rather rude to slam the door in his face, especially, when he had just talked Harry out of late night chores, but he didn't feel right with the man. He chewed on his lip, while he retreated into the cupboard, sitting on his makeshift bed and staring at the floor.

The man had followed him in and crouched in front of him. Too close, far too close! Their knees were almost touching. Julian then reached out and took Harry's chin in his fingers and lifted it to force Harry to look at him. He sucked in a sharp breath.

'I thought you were cute before but those eyes… Stunning colour. Beautiful…', he breathed, staring into them. Harry looked away, at the wall, chanting hopelessly in his head for the man to go away and leave him alone. Julian started stroking Harry's cheek and put another hand on his knee. Harry felt like wanting to slap them away, he slid back on the mattress to get out of reach. But all that did was to make Julian chuckle and follow him. His hand descended on Harry's thigh this time, his other hand stroking Harry's hair.

'How messy it is, perfect bedroom hair.', he breather huskily and the shivers were back. Harry bit his lip hard and turned his head away, whimpering a little, when the other hand slipped up a little more.

'Julian? Where the devil are you? Rick is leaving.', Vernon's voice thundered from above, where he had presumably gone to check if Julian was in the bathroom.

'Ah, pity.' Julian purred in Harry's ear 'But I'll be back, my sweet Harry.'

A moment later he was gone, leaving Harry with the bad feeling of having just woken up from a nightmare. Only, this had been very real.

Scenes similar to this repeated themselves in front of Harry's mind's eye until he gasped out loud and they fell into place in his memory. He closed his eyes in agony, his head felt split open. Someone had his hands on his shoulder, but the touch made him feel nauseated. He shrugged it off and croaked 'Headache!'

Immediately a vial was pressed into the boy's hand and he drank it down. The draught took effect in a few seconds and Harry breathed a sigh of relief.

'Better now, Harry?' Dumbledore asked gently, he was peering at him from above his half moon spectacles 'Do you remember now?'

Tears prickled in Harry's eyes for a moment and he gave a jerky nod.

'Do you still want your memories back?', Dumbledore asked softly 'It will make the experience more… tangible. Your memories right now must be dulled, the emotions hard to grip.'

Harry gave a choked laugh. Dulled? He felt like he'd been plunged into ice water. No wonder his mind had suppressed these memories, he wished he could go back to not remembering. He gulped and asked 'Can I leave them there? I… it's hard.'

Dumbledore stared at him a moment longer, before he gave a sharp nod 'You can have them back whenever you wish.'

Never. Harry didn't want them back. Putting your memories in a pensieve didn't erase them from your mind but as Dumbledore had said, they were dulled, easier to shove away. And this set of memories he wanted shoved away as far as possible. But something else occupied his mind, urgent, like a snake about to strike. Harry sat up straight and looked into the headmaster's eyes imploringly.

'Don't look at them. Please don't look at the memories.', he said and before Dumbledore could answer he added 'Promise!'

Dumbledore looked alarmed, but after a moment he nodded 'As you wish.'

Then Harry turned to Snape and said accusingly 'You did that! You put those in my head.'

Snape looked stunned 'What?'

Harry shook his head wildly, his messy hair flying everywhere 'They can't be real! You put them there, when you were in my head.'

Dumbledore looked concerned now, he tried again to put a consoling hand on Harry's shoulder, but Harry shrugged it off. 'That is not possible, Harry. One cannot plant memories with Legilimency.'

'You said yourself he has more practice than you do! Maybe he found a way.' Harry said stubbornly

'Why don't we peruse the memory then? See if we can find inaccuracies?' Snape said coldly and Harry jumped up

'No! You can't watch that.' he said and stood between the two men and the memory

Snape evidently wanted to argue, when Albus raised a hand to silence him 'I promised you, I wouldn't watch it. You know what, Harry? I will put them in a vial, seal it and put it in my drawer. Whenever you wish, you can come and take it in again.'

Harry looked behind his shoulder into the pensieve, then back at Dumbledore. He should take it now, but putting it into his head would make it fresh and real. He shivered 'Can't we… destroy it?'

Dumbledore shook his head 'The moment the vessel is destroyed, the memory will find you and enter your mind again. You can take it with you in the vial if you wish.'

Harry shook his head. The danger of the vial breaking, while he transported it through the castle or on his way back to Surrey was too high 'No, please keep it for me, headmaster.'

'You are not really going to simply put it in a desk drawer?' Snape sneered 'We need to see what it is, we need to know…'

Harry gasped, trying to say something, when the headmaster interrupted

'I gave him a promise, Severus and I don't intend to break it' Dumbledore replied softly and sealed the vial

'I didn't' Snape said coldly 'Give it to me.'

'No' Dumbledore calmly, Harry sighed in relief and Snape sneered again

'You cannot be serious! Whatever happened has shaken him enough to deny it outright. He won't even take them back. It must be… Well, frankly I don't know what it is, with the way the muggles must be worshipping him, but…'

Dumbledores lips set in a firm line as he shook his head regretfully 'No, Severus. In fact he has had a similar upbringing as you…'

Snape openly snorted at that 'Sure'

'You don't know anything about me' Harry said at the same time, anger making his face literally go red, but then Harry rounded on Dumbledore 'If you know how they are, why do I have to go back there again?'

Dumbledore actually wavered a moment. He had seen horrible things in Harry's memories. A plethora of emotional verbal abuse, physical abuse by his cousin and neglect to a dangerous extent. However, if he let the wards fall, Harry would simply be killed. Unhappy, abused, neglected – still, he was alive. Dumbledore could not chance Harry's life for his happiness. He sadly shook his head.

'I am very sorry, Harry. You will return to the Dursley's home this summer and every following summer until you are of age or Voldemort has been defeated.'

Harry stared at him blankly. His fury giving way to a numb disbelieve. Dumbledore knew, he had seen. Yes, he had not seen the last part, nothing about Julian, but he knew about the Dursleys. And he was sending him back. Bile rose in Harry's throat and tears prickled for a moment in his eyes, before he hardened his features and said coldly 'My mind is healed now, though. So can we stop Occlumency?'

'Stupid boy!' Snape spat and Harry flinched, when he remembered his potions master listening to the whole exchange 'The headmaster has not merely been healing your mind, he has been shielding it from the Dark Lord. You should be begging on your knees for him to never stop his instruction!'

Harry narrowed his eyes at Snape and spat 'Well, I won't. I don't want Dumbledore in my head anymore.'

'You disrespectful, ungrateful little…' Snape began furiously, but then cut himself off, an evil grin forming on his features 'Well, whether or not you receive instruction in mind magic is not up to you, is it? And the only option beside the headmaster to teach you would be me. So who is it going to be, boy? Professor Dumbledore or me?'

Harry stared blankly at him for a moment, then glanced at Dumbledore and back again, before he calmly replied 'You, Sir.'

The room went quiet at that. Both professors stared at Harry, trying to figure out what was going on in his mind. Both probably debating if he had lost it. Harry crossed his arms and stared calmly back at them. He was sure that Snape had planted those horrible memories of Julian – oh, he didn't think that Julian didn't exist. He just thought that the man was one of Vernon's colleagues, maybe a bit creepy but not a… monster. Snape had put those false memories in his mind and now wanted to show them to Dumbledore through Harry's Occlumency. Maybe he wanted Harry to go to an asylum or hospital. The man had always tried to get him kicked out of Hogwarts…

But no, he would not let that happen. He would train with Snape now and try to find out how he had done it. It was also true that he did not want Dumbledore near his mind ever again, after he had so blatantly ignored Harry's well-being and disappointed his trust by wanting to send him back. He would set this straight, all of it.

Dumbledore slowly nodded and said 'Please schedule sessions with Professor Snape.'

'What?' Snape asked incredulously 'The little brat demands to be taught by someone else and you acquiesce? How am I to hide this from Him, Albus?'

'You will do as admirably as you have already proved yourself capable of, Severus. He is not going to detect your hand in Harry's mind. I have already carved the paths in Harry's mind, you will simply mould them, so your signature will not be detectable, should Voldemort try to posses Harry.'

Harry didn't get half of what was being said, but he did shudder at the thought of being possessed. It hadn't gone well for Ginny, had it?

'And as you well know, Occlumency relies heavily on trust. If Harry refuses to be taught by me, there is precious little I can do, other than force my presence onto his mind. And you know how difficult it would be to get anywhere with that way of instruction.'

'Oh yes, I forgot' Severus spat venomously, completely forgetting the young Gryffindor's presence 'Potter and I have such a close bond of trust and mutual respect; we are the perfect pair for Occlumency lessons. It will be a walk in the park!'

Dumbledore raised one eyebrow, before he replied coolly 'Maybe you should try harder to get along with him and if Mr. Potter wants to be instructed by you rather than me, he will endeavour the same.'

Harry didn't react but Snape gave a low growl of disappointment. Set on making Harry pay for this, he turned around and snarled 'Give me your schedule, we'll see how long it will take me to make you sick of Occlumency!'

And thus their lessons began, but not without Snape being thoroughly admonished from Dumbledore. He was to make a real effort in teaching Harry and try to contain his resentment at least while Harry was learning Occlumency. Most of all, he was forbidden from trying to reach Harry's secret memories.

'Prepare yourself, Potter!'

'How?' Harry cried annoyed with his teacher and backed off a little, raising his wand in defence.

'Wand away!' Snape snapped and then growled 'Close your eyes and try to relax.'

Harry sent him an incredulous look and Snape rolled his eyes, he tucked away his own wand and raised his hands. He was standing behind the desk in a safe distance, still Harry did not feel comfortable standing there, defenceless before his professor.

'Close them!' Snape demanded and Harry complied unwillingly 'Now, listen to my voice and let yourself fall.' Harry frowned at the mere thought of it

'You are at sea. The wind is blowing salty air and droplets into your face and hair. You can feel the warm sand under your feet. Your hair is blowing around your face…'

Harry felt the tenseness drain from his shoulders and back. He slowly slid into the chair behind him without even noticing 'Waves are breaking and water is spilling over your feet, washing the sand off them.'

The voice was closer now, but Harry was imagining the freedom of the sea, slumped in the chair. His own mind was now providing the scenery. He could see the blue and grey sea, white foam of breaking waves and the endless sky above. He could practically feel the sand between his toes, the air brushing his fringe away from his face and disarranging his shirt around his shoulders…

Wait. Harry frowned. That was not the sea, not the wind on his shoulders. He tensed, when he realised that the gentle weight could not come from air, but belonged to a pair of hands.

'Shh…' he heard a familiar voice directly behind him and tensed even further 'Relax, Harry. The sea. You are not alone there. You came with…'

Harry went back to his imagination and turned around in his mind to the person, who had put those hands on his shoulders. He gave a little gasp, when he saw brown eyes, messy hair and round glasses 'Dad'

The fingers tensed on his shoulders, but only for a moment. It felt like recognition. James smiled down on him and said 'Yes, Harry?'

Harry felt his heart jumping in his chest, when he whispered 'I missed you.'

'I know Harry' James answered 'I missed you too'

'I wish I could stay with you, Dad.' Harry's voice was trembling now 'It would be so much better. Where's mum?

Again, the fingers tensed, but James kept smiling 'Oh, this is a father-son outing, Harry. Your mother is staying with her girlfriends. A well deserved vacation from her boys.' James grinned at him and Harry grinned back 'So, what do you want to do?'

'Can we…' Harry began and then stopped abruptly

'Yes, Harry? Whatever you wish.'

Harry nodded to himself and then asked in a shy voice 'A sandcastle. Will you make one with me?'

James smiled softly and nodded. He immediately went down on his knees and started gathering wet sand. Harry went down too and started helping his father. He felt happy to burst, while they worked together and James instructed him on making the castle. Harry was so emerged in his fantasy world that it took Snape several attempts at rousing him from it.

'Mr. Potter' he said for presumably the tenth time and Harry finally opened his eyes. He blinked at Snape blearily, who for some reason was sitting beside him instead of behind his desk 'Are you back now?'

Harry blinked a few times and Snape came into sharper focus. The man was scowling at him, looking almost worried. Harry shook his head. That wasn't right. 'Yeah… I mean. Yes, Sir'

Snape gave a sharp nod and went back to his usual seat 'Today I let you emerge yourself in your fantasy. Tomorrow we will have you using components of it in an attempt to build shields.'

Harry frowned at him, it seemed incredibly difficult to make sense of these words 'Huh?'

Snape raised an eyebrow 'I better accompany you to the tower.'

Harry learned to use the fake memory of his father, his touch and the sea as his shields. But as the school year was fast approaching its end, he was not able to throw Snape off yet. It was their last lesson and Harry was sitting in his usual chair, breathing hard and gaining back control of his trembling limbs. Snape set a pepper-up potion in front of him and Harry took it with a short word of thanks.

'You know how to shield your dreams now. I do not expect that you will experience a direct attack any time soon as you will be safe in your relatives' home.'

Harry frowned at that 'I still have to go there?'

Snape pressed his lips together unwillingly and gave a nod. Walking through memory lane with Harry Potter was extremely frustrating and depressing. There were seldom any happy memories and most of them were centred around everyday grievances, received from his aunt and uncle. His cousin played the part of a school bully, but was otherwise unproblematic.

Every memory, it seemed, was connected with something bitter and unfair. Even those he could feel were happy memories to Harry, seemed dark and depressing to Snape, as they mostly consisted of a small black haired boy playing alone in a cupboard. It made Snape shiver with indignation.

A wizard child locked up for his magic. The irony of it was almost laughable. Wizards had been locking up Squibs for centuries and Muggleborns had never had an easy lot for their lack of magical heritage. Yet the heir to the Potter line was locked in a cramped space, brought up as a house-elf by muggles.

Snape had appealed to Dumbledore to remove him from there, only to be reminded of the blood wards. Even though there was a little physical abuse and a plethora of emotional abuse, it was still better than death. There was no arguing with that logic. With Voldemort on the loose, Harry was in danger.

Harry's shoulders drooped but he gave a little nod at that 'Well, thanks for your help, sir.'

Snape relaxed a little, for quite some time they had developed a civil relationship. Snape had met a new Harry Potter, the one his colleagues had been talking about: an unassuming, respectful, kind boy. Snape even got to see a side of him, he had not shown his other professors. He had joked with him. Granted, it was a bitter joke made after a particularly nasty memory, but Severus appreciated sarcasm.

'It did not do you any good. Nonetheless, you will at least be able to protect your thoughts…'

Harry gave a bitter smile and scratched his arm. Snape stared a little.

'You have been scratching your arm for a while now. Do you need a potion?' Snape asked casually, he had seen the behaviour since they started their Occlumency lessons and had been hard pressed to remember a time in the year before to have ever seen it. He wondered if the boy had developed an allergy. But Harry's reaction was more worrying than that. He froze and stiffened at the question. Then he sent Snape a nervous, questioning look underneath his fringe. When he didn't see what he feared, he relaxed visibly.

'No, I'm alright' he blatantly lied. Snape knew if he was being lied to, but he couldn't imagine why Harry would be lying about an allergy or any other kind of injury.

'Well, if you need medical attention you know Madam Pomfrey will be glad to help.' Harry nodded, seemingly relieved 'And if you feel… embarrassed to go to her… you may approach me.'

It was quite a step forward in their relationship for Snape to offer this and Harry gave him a shy little smile in acknowledgement of it.

When Harry left Hogwarts the next week and Snape stood at the gates of Hogwarts with his colleagues to watch the children ride the carriages, he felt like he was missing something. But as his arm started to tingle and burn in the next instant all thought about the green eyed boy left his mind. This had happened on numerous occasions before, sometimes even interrupting their lessons. He just didn't have the mind to care for the pre-teen as well…