"Oh my God," Harry whispered.

"I can explain," Severus said again. Harry was deathly pale and breathing shallowly. "Would you like something to drink? Tea? Hot chocolate? A calming draught? I think a calming draught is in order." Quickly, Severus left the room and returned with the potion. He could have summoned it, but he wanted the extra moments to think of what to say. "Here." Harry drank it, but didn't relax.

"Oh my God," he repeated.

"I - " Severus began. "You don't have to worry about your safety. I won't harm you. That wasn't meant for your ears. I - I don't know what to say."

"Oh my God."

"Can you believe me, Harry? I won't do anything I talked about. I'm not that kind of man. I told you that when you first got here. Do you remember? You tried to skirt the topic, asking me what sort of favors I wanted, and I told you no?"

"Oh my God."

"You're in shock. Wrap up in a blanket.." He pulled a blanket from his own bed, and wrapped it around Harry's shoulders. "Breathe. Don't hyperventilate. I haven't harmed you that way in the past and I won't harm you now. I promise."

"Oh my God."

"I wouldn't have tried to kill myself for you if I was going to hurt you! Please believe me." Severus tapped a nearby nightstand with his wand, and a steaming cup of tea appeared. He shoved it into Harry's hands. "Drink this." Obediently, Harry brought the cup to his lips and sipped at the hot liquid. "That's enough." Harry stopped. His eyes were glazed over, and he was still staring at nothing.

"Oh my God."

"Please say something else," Severus sighed.

"I'm so sorry."

"Is there anything I can get you? Anything at all?"

"I had no idea."

"Do you need another calming draught?"

"I hugged him."

"I think you need another." This time, he summoned the bottle and handed it to Harry. He drank it.

"That's terrible."

"How are you feeling?"

"Sick. Going to be sick." Then Severus summoned a bucket, just in time, for Harry to lose what remained of his evening meal and calming draught. "Sorry." Severus banished the bucket and vomit.

"Don't worry about it," Severus dismissed. "Harry. I need you to communicate with me. Do you feel safe?"

"Safe enough," Harry replied. "I know you won't hurt me."

"Do you believe I won't hurt you?"

"I guess."

"That's a start. How are you doing?"

"I had no idea he did that to you."

"That's why I didn't want to tell you."

"You're going to let him think you're hurting me?"

"For a while," Severus shrugged. "It won't hurt him to have to actually imagine the kind of trauma he caused. I doubt he ever faced it before. The truth can be an ugly monster. And guilt is a strong motivator. Try to drink some more tea." Harry sipped.

"He did all those things to you?" Harry asked, sounding numb and hollow.

"What things?"

"Held you down? Made you enjoy it?"

"Yes. He was right. I wasn't talking about you. I was talking about me."

"No wonder you tried to kill yourself back then." Severus nodded.

"I didn't want you to know."

"I won't tell anyone."

"Not even the Headmaster knows. That secret was between Sirius and me."

"Why did they hate you that much?"

"Hate is what the bond is formed on, isn't it?" Severus explained. "Theirs was a vile, sadistic hatred. It was my hatred that formed the bond, but I wouldn't have hated them if they hadn't provoked me. Not unlike what I did to you."

"But why did they provoke you?"

"Because they could," Severus hissed. "Because I was there. There wasn't a good reason."

"I never thought...I mean, I didn't know he was capable of doing something like that. It's brutal."

"A society that tolerates slavery isn't civilized, Harry," Severus murmured. "You can't expect civility from a world that condones marginalizing anyone." Harry nodded.

"It's sick. He's always seemed like a nice person to me."

"He loves you," Severus explained. "The two strongest motivators are love and guilt. I was trying to evoke some guilt for what he did to me. He loves you, which is the other. The slave bond makes no difference to him, because he knows the bond doesn't change who you are. He doesn't want the bond to be true, so he's willing to believe that you have retained your humanity. He wanted the bond to be true for me, so he was willing to believe that I had lost mine. We believe what we want, and we rationalize it after."

"I didn't know he was a rapist."

"You're repeating yourself," Severus observed, sitting on the bed next to Harry.

"A dog? Really?" Severus went a little green at the memory, which he tried to repress.

"Let's not talk about the details, please," he said, his voice a little weak. Harry nodded.

"I understand," he said. Harry hesitated for a moment, but then he seemed to make a decision. He scooted closer to Severus and wrapped his arms around Severus' middle. "I'm so sorry." Severus, in a moment of tenderness, put an arm around Harry as well. Severus was touched. The last person to give him a genuine, voluntary, loving embrace was Lily, back in fifth year. He felt his throat constrict, but he held his face impassive.

"Thank you," Severus murmured softly. Harry squeezed quickly, signalling the end of that moment. Severus pulled his arm away from Harry, almost sad that it was over. Maybe it hadn't been all bad that Harry heard, he thought selfishly. Even if it did cost any future relationship Harry could have had with Sirius, Severus was willing to sacrifice it for that one moment.

"How - how are you still, you know, functional?" Harry asked.

"Your father insisted I be allowed to pursue my mastery in potions, since that had long been my goal, and it would have begged a lot of questions if I suddenly didn't," Snape explained. "And so he made Sirius let me 'tinker with potions' every afternoon. So, for a few hours every day, I was alone and James wouldn't let Sirius bother me. It was nice."

"That was it?" Harry asked, aghast.

"Yes," Severus replied. "During the afternoon, every day, I went to a lab and made potions in peace. Or slept, if I needed to. It was a reprieve and a light in dark places. For those hours, I didn't have to worry about my safety. The potions were what kept me sane. If I could just survive the night, I'd get another few hours in the lab."

"He probably didn't give you a nice bed..." Harry murmured, running his hand over his own mattress, the implication obvious. "But you gave me one."

"No," Severus said, trying to smile wanly, but failing. "I slept on the floor, 'like a good slave,' I believe, were your words. The quality of my sleep left much to be desired. Thus the naps in the potions lab."

"Sleeping on the floor isn't that bad though," Harry said. "You can get a decent night's sleep." Snape snorted.

"That's true," he said. "But Sirius would often cast a spell to wake me up every fifteen minutes. A lack of restful sleep kept me tame. If I didn't have the energy to fight back, it made his job easier. It also kept me from waking him up with dreams. If I fell asleep in the lab occasionally, I could catch a couple hours of real sleep." Harry's face darkened, but he didn't say anything. "Question?"

"Is that why - " Harry began. "Is that why you have to drink all those potions to stay awake now? Why you fall asleep at random times and wake up at night and things?"

"Basically," Severus replied. "Most of my insomnia and narcolepsy began with those years of torture. It was traumatic enough that my body hasn't adjusted to not being forced through that." Harry smiled sadly.

"Isn't it ironic," he said, "that the only time you've beaten me, you were forced to because of what Sirius did to you? If he had been decent, you'd have a normal sleep pattern."

"Let's not talk about that unfortunate incident please," Severus asked.

"But we have to," Harry pointed out. "I don't blame you, if that's what you're worried about. Not then, and certainly not now."

"I should have known that I would fall asleep."

"It's not your fault," Harry argued. "It's Sirius'. There's no reason for you to take the blame for something he's responsible for. It's like waking up early and messing the bed, right? That's what my body was trained to do. Thanks for not taking the bed away, by the way."

"I wouldn't have even thought of it," Severus dismissed. "I don't want you to suffer like I did."

"I won't," Harry said.

"I think it's time we both try to sleep, though," Severus replied. "It's getting late, and I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted, and I don't want to fall asleep...unprepared. Why don't you get changed for bed?" After they were both ready for bed, Severus clipped Harry's leash to his collar. Then Harry, who had been sitting on the bed, slipped off and put his arms around Severus again. Severus couldn't help a small smile appearing on his face. He rested a hand on the top of Harry's head. On an impulse, Severus bent down and scooped Harry up, holding him at his knees and shoulders, and dropped him into the bed. Harry screamed in delight. The action had been gentle and playful. Severus pulled down the covers and laid them over Harry, who was flushed and half giggling. Then Snape tucked him in and ran a hand through his hair.

"Good night, Harry," he said.

"Good night, sir," Harry replied.

Harry tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. Unlike Snape, he was decidedly not exhausted. His mind was racing with all the new information from earlier that evening. It was difficult to process all at once, which was why Harry couldn't get his mind to settle down enough to go to sleep.

It was impossible to deny the truth of what he heard. If Snape had been the one to tell him across the breakfast table that morning, Harry would probably have thought he was a liar. Harry had been disappointed that Snape hadn't told him more at that time, but now in retrospect, Harry realized Snape made the right decision in withholding that information. It wouldn't have gone well. But now, Harry couldn't call Snape a liar, even in his own mind. That conversation had only been for Snape's and Sirius' ears. They weren't doing it for him. Snape had no reason to accuse Sirius of anything that wasn't true, and Sirius hadn't even tried to deny it. He'd admitted to it. Harry had to believe that it was true.

He'd defended Sirius. He'd helped save the man from Azkaban. He'd hoped Sirius would look after him. He'd hugged the man. Just that day, he'd rushed in Sirius' arms and given him a hug. Even after all Snape had hinted at, about how bad his time with Sirius had been, he'd still rushed to Sirius like the puppy that he was affectionately called. Harry was horrified that he had been this close to someone capable of such horrible deeds.

You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat the living things that depend on them. Harry wasn't too pleased with what he was learning about Sirius. Usually, it was the house elves' treatment that Harry watched, like how Lucius Malfoy treated Dobby. But slaves counted too. Harry idly wondered how Sirius may have treated any house elves of his.

And this was why Snape was so angry and bitter. This finalized the reasons why Snape hated him so much. This explained why Snape's instinct was to provoke him. He looked like the man who had not only beaten him and trapped him into punishments, but surrendered him to another who showed him no mercy. Of course Snape would resent James for that as much as if James had done it himself. A lack of action is just as bad as the action. Even if James had never touched Snape, the fact that he allowed it made him just as responsible as Sirius. Snape was vulnerable and incapable of defending himself. To violate that vulnerability was unimaginable.

To have to see a kid every day who was the spitting image of the man who had caused all this could only be a continuation of the torture. Hadn't Snape said that every time he looked at Harry, he saw his failings? He probably saw more than that.

Actually, Harry fully understood what Snape had done to Sirius. He fully understood that the tirade was really to make Sirius think about his actions. Harry supposed guilt was a strong motivator, even though he rarely felt very guilty about things. He felt guilty about forcing Snape to remember his past every time he looked at his face, but that wasn't really his fault, was it?

And Snape seemed to be a good sport about it as well. Harry remembered being tossed into bed with a warm feeling. Adults never played with him like that. Strange that Snape should be the first. It was very difficult to hate a man who dropped him into bed and ran his fingers through his hair. Harry regretted the fact that they couldn't have gotten along without the slave bond in the first place. It would have been nice to be this familial with Snape while retaining his freedom. Maybe Dumbledore should have locked them both in a room and not let them out till they got along. That's essentially what this bond was doing. They were locked with each other for life, and they were learning to get along because of it.

He hoped Sirius suffered from what Snape said to him. He hoped Sirius thought long and hard about it and realized the depth of the heinousness of his own actions. It didn't matter if Harry was his godson. If it was alright to do that to Snape, it was alright for Snape to do it to Harry. And if it wasn't alright for Snape to do it to Harry, then it was equally wrong for Sirius to have done it to Snape. Truth is an ugly monster, but not as ugly as what Sirius had done.

Harry didn't feel less safe with Snape because of this. He'd always had reservations about the man, and those remained, but if anything, the incident caused him to trust Snape more. Snape knew what the bond would allow, knew what he could get away with, and for two and a half months, the worst thing he asked Harry to do was to chop potions ingredients. There was no reason to expect Snape to change his pattern now. If Snape understood what horrors these actions held for the victim, which he certainly did, he wouldn't feel inclined to inflict that pain on anyone else, even Harry, or he would have wasted no time in getting down to business.

Snape liked his revenge, but he wanted it on Sirius, not Harry. The best revenge Snape was going to get, though, was to mislead Sirius into thinking he was abusing Harry, all while not laying a finger on him. It was poetic, wasn't it, that the sweetest revenge was actually to do nothing at all?

A noise rudely interrupted Harry's musings. Sitting up on his elbows and looking over to Snape's bed, he saw the man pulling the pillow over his head, whimpering. Occasionally, Harry could make out a few words.

"Two years," Severus mumbled. "Fuck toy. Nothing more."

For a moment, Harry hesitated. What should he do? Then he made his decision. It was time to return the favor that had so long gone unexplained: He would wake Snape. It suddenly dawned on him why Snape was always so conscientious about waking him from his nightmares. He didn't want to become his master who refused to even let him dream.

"Professor Snape!" Harry called loudly. "Wake up! Professor!"

Sirius pulled at the metal hook on the collar, causing Severus to stumble forward. Severus wondered where he was being led to, but fear was keeping his mouth closed. He didn't like that his ownership had been temporarily, but indefinitely, transferred to the mutt. He hadn't even been given a chance to explore his new home yet, so he could hardly know what was coming, although he had his suspicions, his fears. Severus could deal with James, though he didn't like it, but Sirius was a different story. In the beginning, Sirius would make crude gestures that worried Severus, but even in private, it never went any further than touching. As uncomfortable as the clothed groping had been, Severus had a feeling that being in James' care had protected him. Now that he was alone with Sirius and no one was there to stop him, Severus wasn't sure how far it was going to go.

Severus stumbled the last few steps and was shoved on to the floor. When he looked around, he noticed that he was in a bedroom. He quickly sat up, and pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He tucked in his chin, and looked up at Sirius with a guarded expression.

Sirius closed the door. Severus didn't want to show his fear, but he knew he couldn't keep it out of his eyes.

"So," Sirius said, looming closer to Severus. "You're mine, indefinitely. Maybe forever." Sirius knelt down in front of his slave. "So, what to do with you?" Sirius had a mock curiosity in his voice. He reached out and moved a lock of hair that was blocking Severus' face back behind his ear. Severus bowed his head, trying to release his hair from Sirius' grasp. Before the end of the hair escaped, Sirius gripped Severus' hair along with his ear, hard, forcing Severus to look at him. Severus gasped.

"We're going to have fun."

Severus couldn't help the shudder that went up his spine at those ominous words.

"Since I don't really want you here," Sirius said, "you're going to pay for the fact that I have to be saddled with you. Remember that I did not willing take you in. You were pushed on me."

"What - " Severus tried to get more words out, but the fear parched his throat, making it hard to talk. Knowing what Snape was asking, Sirius smiled.

"You're going to suck me off, and then I'm going to fuck you." Severus gasped at that. He supposed he should have expected it, but fearing it and hearing it were two entirely different concepts. This couldn't be real. Why was he being punished like this? Never in his wildest dream did he think he would wish for James, but now he more than ever wanted his real owner back. He didn't want to stay with this sadistic bastard anymore.

"Is something wrong, Snape?" Sirius mocked. "Something you want to share?" Severus' head shot up from the floor.

"Nothing," Severus gasped out, his voice raspy from his sore throat. The bond began to burn a bit at the blatant lie. Of course there was something wrong. The answer may have been something Sirius knew, but "nothing" wasn't the truth.

"Hmm," Sirius said, putting his finger on his chin as if he were thinking. "I don't believe you." Sirius stood up and kicked Severus in the ribs with the ball of his foot. Severus gasped and fell over on his side.

"I'm sorry," Severus pleaded.

"Alright," Sirius sighed, as if put in a great inconvenience. "I'll forgive you this time, but you better not lie to me again."

"I won't. I promise."

"Now, on the bed."

Severus didn't even fight anymore. He didn't want to get punished by the bond, Sirius, and still have to go through this besides.

Sirius was going to rape him and there was nothing that he, or anybody, for that matter, could do about it. Slowly, Severus crawled towards the bed, still in too much pain to want to stand. When he got there, he lifted himself up and gasped at the pain in his side. Not wanting to earn any more violence against his person, Severus pushed through the pain and climbed on the bed. Laying on his stomach, Severus buried his face in the covers and waited for Sirius to come and take him. He couldn't help the shiver that once again coursed through his body at the thought of what Sirius was going to do to him.

"Look at me," Sirius' voice was so soft and tender that Severus opened his eyes in shock at the tone. "I don't want to fuck a corpse. You will participate. And you will enjoy it." Sirius leaned closer and kissed Severus. Severus, still shocked by the initial tenderness of how Sirius talked to him, didn't respond. Sirius broke away from the kiss and leaned back so that he could look at Severus.

"What did I just say?" Again there was the tenderness, but deep down, Severus could hear the mocking under it. Initial shock ebbing away, Severus saw how truly sadistic the man above really was. Forcing him to participate meant that it wasn't really rape. It wouldn't register in his subconscious that way. It would haunt him forever. He'd never recover. Sure, it was rape, but knowing it in your head was entirely different from knowing it in your heart.

"You're acting like a virgin, you know that?" Sirius taunted. "Acting like you've never kissed anyone before." Severus didn't respond to that. How could he? "Wait, you are? You haven't?" Sirius asked, thrown off a bit. A glimmer of hope passed through Severus as he thought that maybe...maybe Sirius would leave him alone.

"What do you think?" he replied, voice still hoarse. Then, fearing the bond's reaction to a non answer, he said, "Of course."

Sirius leaned back down and kissed Severus again, and the glimmer of hope died.

"I want to hear you call out my name. Do you understand me, Severus?" Severus shuddered at the sound of his name. He hated the vulnerability it represented, the familiarity it stood for.

"Yes, Black," Severus said.

"Ah," Sirius mildly chided. "Use my first name. I won't have you screaming my last name during these more...intimate moments."

"Yes, Sirius," Severus sighed.

"Very good." 

"You waited two years to do this," Severus accused.

"You will learn to obey me," Sirius growled. "This will be an everyday occurrence. So get used to it. You are my fuck toy. That is all you are. And that's all you ever will be. Nothing more."

Severus felt himself detach from his emotions. A fuck toy. Nothing more. Those words rang in Severus mind as Sirius continued to thrust into him.

"Professor Snape!" a new voice called. "Wake up! Professor!"

Severus woke with a start, and scrambled into a sitting position as quickly as he could, his breaths coming quickly and shallowly.

"Professor?" Harry ventured.

"Harry?" Severus called back.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked.

"Did I wake you?" Severus asked, ignoring the uncomfortable question. People didn't usually ask after his well being unless they were simply being polite.

"No, sir," Harry replied. "I couldn't sleep. I was just thinking. Are you okay, though?"

"Yes, I'm fine," Severus grumbled. "Do you want dreamless sleep?"

"No, sir, I'm fine too," Harry said.

"Alright," Severus sighed, falling back into his pillows on his bed.

"Are you going to get a dreamless sleep for yourself?" Harry asked.

"No," Severus murmured. "It doesn't react well with the pepper up potions. Can't take both." And then his breathing evened out again.