(July 10, 1995)

Severus awoke with a start and instinctively looked to the bed on his right side to make sure Harry was still sleeping soundly. The sight of his son sleeping peacefully sent a rush of mixed emotions surging through him; he felt fear, resentment, confusion and the most powerful, unconditional love, as he gazed down at the young man. Sitting silently for a minute, he resisted the urge to reach out and touch his son and to know that this was a child of his own flesh and blood. He had always loved Harry and felt protectiveness for him, despite how he had treated him in the past. But that emotion paled in comparison to what he felt now, like a vale had been lifted allowing the full force of the emotion to shine through. It was a heady and fear-inspiring feeling and nothing could have prepared him for the power of the emotion or its hold over him.

He tried not to resent the fact that he was seeing a mirror image of a man who was a childhood enemy and later an ally, not a reflection of his own traits or even Lily's. He knew the reasons behind the disguise and had participated in the creating it. Part of him, however, was jealous that his son wore another's features and called another "Dad." He knew that sometime soon the decision would need to be made again; redo the series of spells that made Harry appear to be the son of James Potter or deal with the truth, that he was Severus' son and live with the consequences. Whatever the decision was, he knew he'd find a way to deal with it; the thought of any harm coming to Harry left a sharp and sudden ache in Severus' chest and a cold chill permeating his entire body.

Quickly falling back into long unused habits, he turned to his left, to Arabella, seeking the comfort, reassurance and support she had always willing given him. He glanced at the bed and wasn't surprised to see it empty. Immediately, he looked toward the bed Mr. Granger rested in and saw Arabella sitting on the empty cot next to him, her arms wrapped tightly about her. Even across the room, he could tell she wasn't truly seeing the broken man in the bed but someone else long gone. Rising from his chair as quietly as possible, he cast a furtive glance at Sirius and Remus, who were both slumped in chairs on the opposite side of Harry's bed before he walked to his wife and gently turned her to face him.

"Bella," he said softly, trying to draw her attention with a caress to her cheek. He waited for several minutes before she finally responded.

"It's happening again. I can't stop it. I can't." She whispered in a quivering and tired voice. Tears were beginning to flow steadily from her pale and haunted eyes.

He hadn't seen her look so lost and hurt for almost two decades, since her father lay dying in a bed similar to this one after one of Voldemort's attack during the once in a decade Avalon Celebrations. She had lost so much that day, including in many ways, him. It had been a similar look in her eyes that had brought the world back into focus for him and shown him the error of his ways. His instinct was to pull her up and cradle her against him. He wanted to shield her from the suffering, but part of him wasn't sure he had earned that right again. Sorrow flared in her eyes as she turned away from him causing a desperate aching to flare in his chest. He looked at the hand that moments ago had rested against her cheek and cursed himself for causing her more pain with his self-doubt. Sitting beside her on the bed, he reached out and took one of her hands and drew it to his lips, then held it clasped firmly between his hands. He forced himself to concentrate on her, on his feelings, his love, for her and his desire to rebuild what they used to share. He tried to think of anything that could help her and bolster her spirit. She squeezed his hand in reply then sagged against his side. Releasing her hand, he wrapped his arm about her waist and held her close to his side.

They sat together in silence for several minutes before she spoke again.

"How's Harry?'

Her voice was hushed but he could still hear the faint hesitation in her speech and knew she was talking about more than how he was sleeping at the moment.

"I do not know," Severus admitted in a soft voice. He hated admitting that he didn't know his son well enough to determine his mental or emotional state. "Confused and scared, he is worried about Ms. Granger. I think he feels guilty about what's happened, as well. Sirius and Remus stayed with him and helped him." He tried to keep the bitterness and jealousy toward Sirius and Remus and general sadness from seeping into his tone; even knowing she would still pick it up from their contact and close proximity.

"Give it time, Sev," she replied.

Severus just nodded before resting his check against the top of her head. A more comfortable silence descended on them this time and he decided to try and enjoy just sitting with her. Arabella shifted way from him, hovering over Mr. Granger with her hand outstretched and eyes closed. After a moment, her shoulders slumped. She looked defeated and Severus closed his eyes, regret and guilt washing over him. He couldn't shake the feeling that he could have done something more to prevent a young girl from losing both her parents. He felt the warmth of Arabella's hand slipping back into his, "It's not your fault, Sev." Her voice was soft but understanding.

Looking up at her, Severus rose to his feet while keeping his eyes locked on hers, "It's not yours, either," he replied. She smiled slightly but her eyes showed her disbelief. He knew there was nothing he could do at the moment to convince her so he squeezed her hand tightly wanting her to know she could lean on him, that he would be there to help her however he could. Slowly the pair walked over to the more crowded side of the room where Arabella quickly and quietly checked on Hermione Granger before moving over to sit beside Harry on the bed. Severus watched as she gently brushed her hand across Harry's head. He was awed by the way Harry easily turned into the comfort offered but that didn't stop the momentary flash of bitterness and a faint jealousy tainted the moment.

A soft gasping cough caught his attention and he turned toward the sound. He felt Arabella rush by him and over to Dr. Granger's bedside. Severus followed her, wand drawn if she needed assistance.

"Where... what?" the man questioned weakly, his eyes darting as he tried to take in his surroundings.

"Easy, Dr. Granger, you're safe," Arabella said in a soft, melodic tone, the sound of which eased even his frayed nerves. "My name is Arabella. I'm a Healer. Your daughter is here, she's safe and unharmed. You're in a place known as Haven."

The man blinked a few times before lucidity and full realization showed in his eyes. His expression quickly morphed into one of agonizing grief. The deep keening sound forced its way from his lips, a name - Anne. Severus didn't need to be told who "Anne" was, the man's distress was clear and he could remember all to perfectly a time when a similar pain had nearly torn him apart. He closed his eyes, unable to bear the reminder of such pain and fought against the guilt and the small voice telling him he could have - should have -- done more.

His eyes flicked open again only at a gentle touch. Dumbledore stood on his right, one hand gripping his shoulder to offer him support and understanding. Arabella was still kneeling by Dr. Granger; the man grew calmer as she gently soothed him with her touch and voice.

"Is he here?" the man's voice was barely more than a wisp of sound, "the man who saved us."

Arabella looked back toward him questioningly, the strain on her showing clearly in the dimness of her eyes. Severus found himself moving closer to his wife, placing the tip of his wand against her neck. Bella flashed him a strained smile as she moved his wand away. "I'm alright," she said to him.

"Are you him," the man struggled to continue while breathing heavily, "the professor who brought us here?"

Severus nodded to the gentleman, his guilt preventing him from saying more. Dr. Granger turned his attention back to Arabella and watched her silently. Severus noticed that his breathing had eased and evened out and he seemed more relaxed.

"Thank you," he whispered, smiling softly before his eyes clouded over with tears, "I'm dying, aren't I?" he asked hesitantly.

Severus winced, hearing the fear, pain and regret easily in his voice. Part of him wanted to leave, to turn and walk out of the room and not look back. He had failed to protect the Grangers. He watched, unable to move or speak as Arabella confirmed his suspicions and gave the dying man her strength and courage as he faced the inevitable. She turned her bright eyes to him then and held out her hand and he could see her silent, near panicking plea for support. Regret and guilt washed over him as he remembered the last time he'd seen that look in her eyes; the day her father died. It was the look that had turned him, once and for all, away from Voldemort.

Closing the distance between them, Severus moved to stand next to her and rested one hand at the nape of her neck. He felt her subtly shift and leaning back slightly against him. Feeling like he was being watched, Severus looked from Arabella to Dr. Granger and confirmed his suspicions; the man was studying him and his interaction with Arabella silently.

"Will she be safe?" the man asked as he turned his head.

Severus followed the man's gaze and looked down the row of beds to where Miss Granger and his son slept. In the split second before he turned back to meet Dr. Granger's eyes, he found himself remembering clearly the pain, fear and hope he felt as he placed his infant son into James Potter's arms, remembering being torn between jealousy and bitterness and, at the same time, praying the man would truly love and protect Harry in his place. He knew, even before he looked, what he would see in the dying man's eyes; the fear for the well-being of his child and the regret, the guilt, the grief of knowing he wouldn't be there to help her and guide her anymore.

He heard Dumbledore tell him that his daughter would be safe. Severus realized that what Dr. Granger was really asking was: Who will take care of her when he was gone? Unconsciously, he reached into the pocket of his robe and wrapping his hand tightly around the letter his son had written to him. He knew how important Miss Granger was to Harry; just as he knew the guilt his son would likely burden himself with over the death of his friend's parents. He knew that Miss Granger would not be safe with any Muggle relations, even if she had them.

He felt Arabella rise from her place on the bed and move to stand before him. She gently touched his cheek, applying a touch of pressure, letting him know she wanted him to look at her. When his eyes met hers, he could see everything he felt mirrored in her gaze - the fear, the uncertainty and the desire to help and protect Harry in any way he could. She smiled at him before she stepped back and walked over toward Harry's bed, waking Remus and Sirius as she walked past them. She sat down and gently began rousing Harry from his sleep. He smiled slightly, watching as Harry fought her, trying to roll away and sink back into sleep. Looking down at the man in the bed beside him, he made a decision and summoned a chair so that he could sit facing Dr. Granger.

"I give you my word that I will do everything within my power to protect your daughter," Severus said, softly. "M wife and I would be honored to take her into our home. If she chooses otherwise, I will ensure she has a proper and safe home and that all of her needs are met."

"Thank you," Dr. Granger whispered, blinking several times against the moisture that began to accumulate there. The man's eyes seemed to grow heavy and he fought to keep them open.

"Rest," Severus said, "Reserve your strength."

Dr. Granger nodded then drifted into an uneasy sleep. He sat there for a several minutes before feeling Arabella's hand on his shoulder. They remained there, silently watching over the dying man, hoping that he would have enough strength to live just a bit longer; long enough to let his daughter say good-bye.

"I sent Harry with Sirius and Remus to clean up and make some breakfast. Why don't you go get cleaned up as well?" Arabella suggested, her voice soft so as not to disturb Dr. Granger.

Severus looked at her closely, beyond the weak smile she wore and the camouflaging glamourie she cast on herself to see the tired, stressed woman underneath. Closing his eyes briefly, he steeled himself for the battle of wills he knew was coming. Rising from the chair, he took her hand and lead toward the door to the infirmary before cautiously responding, "No, Bella. I want you to relax. Take some time for yourself, please. I can keep watch over your patient, but I want you to take some time and eat something."

"Sev, I'm..." She started

"No, Arabella, you're not fine. You're drained." Severus heard the harsh, snapping quality in his voice and forced himself to stop and take a deep breath to calm down before continuing in a more reasonable voice. "I set some rejuvenating bath potion next to bathtub in the Avalon Lady's chamber. I can keep watch over Dr. Granger while I monitor the potions I started last night. Please Bella, just take some time to relax and gather your strength and get something to eat."

For a moment he was certain she would refuse, he could see her expression begin to change into one of obstinate determination before it was overrun by weary acquiescence. Her head dropped and she nodded, exhaling loudly.

"Alright," she whispered before turning away from him, her arms wrapped firmly around her waist as she walked away.

He stood there, watching her leave and fought against the desire to go after her. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths as he tried to still the constant upheaval of his emotions. It took several minutes before he began to feel some semblance of control. He checked over Dr. Granger, thankful for all the medic training he'd received over the years. He then walked to the alcove that hid a small potions lab where he checked the charm on the wall that acted like a window and sound monitor into the infirmary. Assured they were functioning properly, he turned his attention to the quietly simmering potions on one of the worktables. The Metabolic Efficiency potion tested as ready and he quickly removed it from heat to allow it to cool naturally. He checked the second cauldron, verifying that the pain-relieving potion was progressing properly, before moving over to his supply cabinet and pulling out several jars of potions ingredients.

A flash of motion hovering just outside his line of vision drew his attention away from the herbs, roots and other ingredients he was preparing. Looking up, he saw a clean and obviously newly showered Harry watching him from the alcove door. A conditioned, habitual irritation flared within him momentarily at the boy's intrusion that he brutally shoved down. Severus reminded himself that this boy wasn't the son of an old nemesis, that he wasn't evidence of failures or the cause of his separation from Arabella; this boy was his son. Severus forced himself to really look at Harry; something he had very rarely done unless the boy was lying unconscious in the hospital wing. He was wearing a loose and lightweight black sweater with a white t-shirt underneath and black jeans Based on the lack of fading evident in their color, he guessed that they were new clothes and scowled as it reminded him of the neglect on the part of the Dursley's that he'd seen in Arabella's pensieve.

He looked a bit thinner than he had been a week ago, but Severus took some comfort at seeing Harry looked a bit taller. His hair was a bit longer and tamer, though he wasn't sure if it was charms starting to wear off or just that his hair was still a bit damp. The boy fidgeted under his gaze, his mouth set in a slight frown and Severus found himself smiling slightly. Between the hair and a definite "Snape" frown on his face, he saw a bit of himself looking back at him and not just James Potter.

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you," Harry mumbled as he turned to leave.

"You didn't," Severus said quickly. He tried to make his voice sound kind and friendly, but after years of being neither, especially to the young man before him, all he could manage was a neutral matter-of-fact tone. Slowly, Harry turned to face him and Severus let out a relieved breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Time seemed to stretch uncomfortably while Harry stood in the doorway nervously.

"Can I help?" Harry asked gesturing toward the supplies on the table.

Severus considered the request for a moment; he and Harry didn't really have an amicable relationship, especially when it came to potions and the last thing he wanted to do was add stress to the already fragile relationship he had with his son. He watched the hopeful look on Harry's face begin to fade and he considered the potion he was planning to make; the beginning stages were not too difficult and it would make the process go faster. Severus nodded his head in assent and watched Harry entered the alcove and glance about as if uncertain what to do.

"You may want to take off your sweater and put on a work robe; there should be one on the stand behind you." Severus said as he turned back to the ingredients, watching his son put on the robe out of the corner of his eye and walk hesitantly over toward the worktables. Summoning a potions book from a nearby shelf, he opened it to a grief easing & calming potion and set it on the table next to his son. "Do you think you can manage the liquid base for this potion?" He tried to keep his tone from sounding snide or condescending, his heart sinking when Harry flinched slightly before stepping closer to read through the instructions.

"Yes, sir, I should be able to prepare this," Harry replied a bit cautiously.

Severus observed him for a moment then nodded toward a cupboard in the back of the alcove. "You will find a small tempered silver cauldron in there. It has two snakes intertwined around a staff engraved on it. The base solutions are on the shelves to the right." His voice was much more neutral, this time. He returned his attention to the dry ingredients for the grief-easing potion, watching Harry's occasionally. He felt relieved when the boy seemed to relax a bit as he focused on the task before him; Severus was pleased to notice how careful and meticulous Harry was when preparing potions and wondered why he had never noticed before. The boy's hand faltered slightly and Severus was disheartened to realize it was his presence and scrutiny that unnerved the boy. Saddened, he returned his attention to preparing the ingredients. Time passed quickly while they worked together quietly. Before he knew it, the potion was ready to simmer for several hours and Arabella was standing in the doorway. She smiled at them both and walked over to check the potion. When she looked back up, he could read the question in her gaze as her eyes darted between himself and Harry.

"He did very well," Severus said at her curious look, a hint of pride in his voice. Harry smiled slightly at the compliment, which, in turn, sent warm emotion flooding though him.

"Harry, why don't you go ahead," Arabella said, "Remus and Sirius are waiting for you in the other room to take you to lunch."

Harry glanced toward the infirmary area worriedly, then nodded and turned toward, mumbling awkwardly, "Thank you for letting me help with the potion, sir."

He nodded, not sure what to say and still sound genuine; he wasn't exactly known for his polite conversation. Harry gave him a small hesitant smile that Severus hoped meant he understood before quietly exiting the room.

"I left some fresh clothes for you in my chamber. I suggest you get cleaned up and get some sleep."

Severus turned his attention back to Arabella and seeing the determined look in her eyes, knew it was useless to fight her. "The pain relieving potion needs to simmer for another hour. The Grief-easing potion should simmer for another four; then will need to be quick-cooled in preparation for the second phase."

"I'll take care of it, I promise."

"Thank you," he said and turned to leave the room. He could hear Harry, Sirius and Remus talking in one of the other rooms as he made his way across the great room to the sleeping chambers on the other side of the complex. With each step, he felt his body and mind grow heavier and was grateful to reach the chamber. Removing the majority of his constricting clothes, he climbed into the bed, hugging a pillow that smelled distinctively of Arabella and succumbed to a deep sleep.