Friday, September 26, 1995

He felt the strong arms of his father lift him from his place, curled up in sleep on the study sofa before the fire.

"Papa?" he heard his own soft, sleepy voice murmur.

"Go back to sleep, son. Papa's home now," his father replied in the deep, soothing tones. His Papa's velvety tone and the way he smelled were the first two things that broke through his dreams – good or bad. They were the embodiment of safety. The shadow couldn't hurt him if Papa was there.

"I love you, Papa," he whispered as he cuddled deeper into the man's thick black robes. His father's reply, tinged with sadness, was the last thing he heard before surrendering into the safety of sleep.

"I love you, too. No matter what, I always will."

"Master Darrius, please wake up. You will be late to training if you don't get up now."

It took him a minute to orient himself in time as his eyes opened. Dark red drapes surrounded his bed and he most definitely wasn't four years old any longer. He had that dream again, and while the dream itself was far from disturbing, the fact that he had it every night for the past week was. The feeling of dread that accompanied waking from him grew stronger as the week drew to a close. It was as if something inside of him was trying to reinforce or remind him of the closeness he shared with his father now, like his unconscious self was afraid that it would be lost.

Which, he supposed, could actually be the case. Two weeks into the term, his mother had begun the process of restoring their full memories. For all the complexity of the spells, it was a rather simple process. The memories were time released to the subconscious during sleep. The memories were, however, total blocked from conscious recall. His parents had a long conversation with himself and Livia, explaining how the memories often return out of order, out of context and at times incomplete. So, for two weeks, their memories returned in their dreams and faded as they woke while their minds worked to reconcile and accept them.

It was odd, even scary sometimes. There were mornings when he would met Draco by the lake for their morning training and feel a split second of completely irrational hatred for the blonde boy who had been nothing but a friend to him. Or how he could look at some of this dorm mates first thing in the morning and feel like he had known them for years, not a little over a month. Which is why the dream upset him so much – he knew the things he had been feeling where echoes from his suppressed memories.

Their parents had encouraged them to talk about the feelings and confusion they knew would were part and parcel of the restoration – but stressed that they ONLY talk to one of them or Remus. Part of him wanted to go to, hell, wanted to run to talk to his mum or father and tell them about the dreams. Suspecting, as he did, the cause of the dream, Darrius couldn't stand the thought of deliberately causing his father that kind of pain. He didn't want his father to know that a part of him hated him so desperately that his subconscious felt it necessary to constantly remind him that he loved his father as well. Especially when tonight his mother was removing the final blocks and by tomorrow morning he'd remember everything. He saw no point in prolonging the discomfort for either of them.

"Please Master Darrius. Miss Livia is already up!"

"Alright, Winky. I'm up. I'm up," he mumbled as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and gratefully took the proffered clothing that Winky offered him. Smiling down at the anxious little creature, he leaned over on impulse and placed a small kiss in the middle of her forehead. "You’re a good elf, Winky. Thank you for taking such good care of me."

"Master is too kind. Winky just doing Winky's job."

"Winky does her job very well and Darrius is very glad to have Winky around to look after him. Now run along and tell Livia I will be right down, okay?"

"Yes, Sirs. Winky will do," the little elf said practically bouncing about the room before popping out.

Darrius laughed softy, something about that house elf always seemed to cheer him up. Quickly he slipped into the odd garments his mother had chosen for him and his sister to use for their more physical exercises. The outfit consisted of long, loose, wide leg pants held up by a tied drawstring around his waist. The top was a long robe-like garment; only my more tailored and reaching only knee length with slits up the side seem from knee to waist to allow for a full range of motion. Seamus Finnegan said he looked like something out of a Muggle Chinese martial arts films – only the jacket was a bit to long, there was no sash around his waist and the outfit was made out of silk.

Slipping on his shoes, he made his way down to the common room to find his sister waiting for him. No sooner had he greeted her than Winky reappeared again, bearing to additional sets of clothes.

"The Lady asks me to give these to you for Mister Ron, Mister Neville and Miss Ginevra. Shes is saying you should bring them with you this morning. The Lady wants Young Masters and Misses to meets her by the lake in half an hour."

After a quick exchange of raised eyebrows and a shrug of shoulders with his sibling, each took a set of garments and turned to go back up the stairs to wake their perspective targets.

While waking Neville was easy, waking Ron turned out to be far easier said than done, but he managed to get his dorm mate up and waited as he dressed. Darrius and Neville had to restrain from laughter at the startled gasp the red head emitted when the outfit automatically shrank to fit his body. Fifteen minutes after he had headed back up to fetch his dorm mates, he was once again in the Common Room waiting for his sister and Ginny.

"I wonder what this is all about?" Ron asked.

Turning toward him, Darrius couldn't help but smirk about, "Not sure Ron, but you could always read the note in your pocket."

"huh?" Ron muttered and then patted his chest. Feeling the outline of the note, he mumbled an "oh" and pulled out a short note.

About the same time, Livia and Ginny arrived in the room.

"He just found the note, huh?" Ginny commented. "It just from Mum explaining why she asked Lady Arabella to accept us early for training. Something about her family, the Prewetts, having been part of Avalon as far back as they have records. Since we are they only descendants of trainable age, she wants us to carry on the tradition."

"Thought as much, " Neville chimed in, "Gran mentioned she would be petitioning your mother to accept me as well. She's taught me all she is permitted already but always hoped your mother or the Merlin would surface in time for me to be officially trained and sworn to Avalon. "

Darrius nodded, it made sense. Since term had started, their – his, Livia's and Draco's – training had taken a new turn, focusing as much on helping train others as their own personal training. It was logical to select others to early with a similar background and family support – like Draco.

The taught of Draco led to a mental groan. So far, Ron and the other Gryffindors hadn't given him much trouble over being Draco's friendship and Draco hadn't really done or said much about his friendship with is dorm mates. Darrius wasn't sure how long that would last if he had to deal with both friends at once. Ironically, Draco and Ron were much too much a like in several ways, which combined with family biases probably explained why they disliked each other so strongly.

As they stepped out of the room, he felt his sister slip her hand into his and he turned to give her a wary smile.

"I should probably warn you three that, at the least, Draco Malfoy will be present. He has been training with us for months." Livia said looking more at Ron than Ginny or Neville. "Please don't let him bait you or start anything on your own. Mum doesn't tolerate tempers or arguments. And unlike my father, Mum's bite is far worse than her bark."

At Livia's statement, Ron snorted earning him a glare. Darrius just shock his head. As they approached the lake they could see Draco waiting along with a reed-thin blonde girl – Pansy. He could almost hear his sister's mental sigh of resignation. Draco, Ron, Pansy and her were a volatile combination at the best of times. In the last three weeks alone, there had been six clashes between the four of them. Pansy, who was dating Draco, was more that a bit threatened by Livia – or rather by the betrothal between her and Draco. Then there was Ron, who seemed equally displeased with the arrangement and for the life of him, Darrius couldn't really understand why.

Luckily, his mother was also approaching followed by four other students. Almost immediately – to his great relief – his mother set Livia, Draco and himself off down the lake to begin their typical morning routines. By common and quiet consensus, the trio moved just far enough not to hear what the new students might say or ask.

He fell into the familiar series of motions; the deep bends and stretches, the balancing and sweeping movements with relish. He enjoyed nothing more than the exhilaration of the blood rushing through his limbs, the feeling of grass, dirt under his feet, the warmth in his muscles and the tangible tingle of magic he could feel as his mind expanded and sought it out. Eventually, the exercises were completed. A glance toward his mother and her bunch showed they were still in the early stages of the exercises.

"Let’s take a walk around the lake," he suggested. He didn't wait for a reply, just started walking. It was oddly comforting how the others just fell into place, Livia in the middle. The strolled quietly for a bit, each stuck in their own thoughts.

"It's really bothering you both, isn't it?" Draco asked softly. "You think your old memories will have that much of an impact?"

Darrius was quiet; he didn’t know what to say. Truth was that was exactly what he feared. Glancing at Livia, he noticed her down cast eyes and tearful expression and stopped in his tracks. Livia looked at the both with a sad smile on her face. Her black eyes glittered with unshed tears. Darrius wanted to curse himself, Draco, his parents and everyone else who had any part in causing those tears; he hated when Livi cried.

"Sometimes, when I wake up, my eyes burn. Like I've been crying in my sleep. And I feel so small – young, scared, confused," she paused and looked to Draco, unconsciously moving closer to him, "Like the day we met you, Draco, and you pulled me from Father. I had nightmares about that day at first. This feels the same, only I know its not that day. There's not shelter, no embrace, no focus to pull me away from the darkness so it just gets bigger and deeper. All I want is my parents. I need to see them, to know they are okay. And when I do, it's like an embrace. I feel safe and loved. And I have this urge to just hug them," Livia said, laughing slightly even as her eyes filled with tears.

The really scary thing was, her words were sticking cords. The images and feelings weren't exactly the same, but they were damn close. More than close enough to bring his fears flaring into his heart and mind.

"But then, there is this emptiness that surfaces. And guilt. So much guilt. " Livia expression distant and sadder than suddenly cleared. "And then its gone, like it was never there. " Livia ended softly and Darrius found himself nodding, even as he stared blindly beyond this companions.

The trio stood silent and still for a long moment. Then Draco stepped forward, the motion drawing Darrius attention. The blonde's expression revealed little, but Darrius wasn't surprised when he pulled Livia into his arms and hugged her briefly before kissing her forehead gently.

"I'm being silly," Livia said trying to smile for the both.

"No you're not!" Darrius said insistently.

"He's right, Livi." Draco replied. "I wish I had the words you need to here. Just remember that there are people who care; that I care"

Darrius regarded his friend closely. He wasn't sure whether he should be concerned or comforted by the intensity he saw on Draco's face. He could feel the stirrings in the magic around him; the connection between Livia and Draco was obviously alive and well. Draco, however, had a girlfriend and he loathed the idea that his sister could get hurt or caught in the middle.

The change happened quickly, like always. Livia and Draco connection seemed to snap and suddenly "cocky and cool' Draco was back in full force, "Besides, the past is the past. Why fretting over it? Can't change it. Besides, you've got it better now, anyway."

Livia shock her head and rolled her eyes at him, but the small smile that crept to her lips anyway.

"We better get moving." Darrius said after a few silent, uncomfortable moments. "Mother will likely be needing us soon."

= = = = = = = = = =

Darrius dropped on to his bed and yawned wide enough he could feel the skin stretch around his mouth. Thanks to his mother, he was exhausted. She'd run them ragged all day helping with the new students. He knew the weariness would help to overpower the anxiety he had about what exactly he would be remembering and let him sleep.

"Come in," he called tiredly at the sound of a soft knock on the door.

The door opened with a soft creak to reveal his father's thin frame.

"I heard you had a tiring day," His father commented.

"Very," Darrius replied, trying to stifle another yawn. "Was it that hard to teach us? I don't remember having so much trouble."

A slight smile curled the corner of his father's lips. "You had your challenges," he replied smoothly. "You, if I remember correctly, couldn't remember to turn to your left. You would always turn to the right," he said as he entered the room and sat beside Darrius on the bed, " and managed to knock into your sister quite a few times. You also had a hard time understanding some of the finer details though you seemed to have a natural grasp on them. Livia on the other hand, had a problem with letting go off the details and learning to feel her way through."

They fell silent until Darrius found the courage to speak, "It's going to be bad, isn't it. I can tell you are worried."

His father was silent, then turned to face him. His black eyes were a maelstrom of emotions. Finally, in a whispered word, he said, "Yes. I think it might be."

Again, silence engulfed the room. Darrius shifted uneasily beside his father wanting to deny his words. He wanted to declare that no matter what he remembered, it wouldn't damage his relationship with his parents. He felt his father's hands stroke his hair and turned to look at him. Instead, he found himself leaning into his father's embrace, letting his head fall against the man's shoulder. He relaxed as the man's arms tightened around him, enfolding him in a feeling of shelter and security that, at the moment, he relished.

"Try to remember, Darrius, that there is nothing in the world more important to me that my family – you, your mother and sister. I would do anything to protect you – ALL of you." His voice was soft but tight. He wasn't the type of man who usually confessed his emotions openly. Darrius wasn't surprised when his father pulled away and stood up, reasserting his usual stoic demeanor. "I brought you two potions. One is a simple sleeping draught. It won't interfere with your dreams; just assist you in falling asleep and staying asleep. The second one is a calming draught. Please take it in the morning. It will help you while you process and accept the returned memories."

"Are you ready?" his mother's rich, melodic voice asked.

Darrius nodded and stood as she approached. In an ages old pattern, she turned down his bed covers and patted the mattress. Like he had done for as long as he could remember, which granted was only a year, he climbed under the covers and allowed her to tuck him in. His father approached next and held out a vial for him to drink. He felt the warm tug on his consciousness almost immediately as he settled back against the pillows. His mothers warm fingers brushed against his hair just as her mind brushed against his. It was a comfortable sensation and he wasn't afraid. The welcoming, spicy scent that always floated about her flooded his senses as she leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

"You will always be my baby. I love you. Don't forget that," she said.

"Love you, " he mumbled as the potion took stronger hold of him. He was too tired to even contemplate any meaning or subtext behind her word. The bed shifted as she rose from the bed. His father leaned over him next, kissing his forehead.

"I love you, son," he whispered.

"Love you, too, Papa, " Darrius replied in a slurred, sleepy voice before curling on his sided and surrendering to the sleep.