Chapter two.

/ Little Harry was scared. It was raining and cold, and Big thunders erupted from the sky. Harry never liked lightnings, they were so loud and bratty, like Aiden often was. Harry had remembered to do the same for both. Clasp his hands on his ears and count.

He did the same, under the rushing rain, the small boy stood, in the middle of an abandoned street and covered his ears, counting loudly, his voice trembling as each lightning shook the sky.

One. Mommy and Daddy didn't like him so much, they always called Harry a squib, they always gave his food and his stuff to Aiden and Harry would get torn clothes in return.

Two. He never had a bedroom, because freaks don't deserve bedrooms, and Harry According to mommy and daddy, was a freak.

Three. No one loved him, he never got any toys like Aiden or Dudley did. He wanted a toy, why did they got to have a toy and he didn't? Was he a bad freak?

Four. His cupboard under the stairs was small and crampy and dark and Harry hated it, he absolutely abhorred the small room, designed only for him, and his freakish behavior.

Five. The thunder was loud and Harry was scared, he was only wearing a shirt and he already felt his tummy booboo in protest. He had been here for a whole day. And he wanted to pee, and he was scared, and he wanted to cry, but didn't dare to, because daddy would show up here any moment.

Six. He was finally crying, but he prayed no one noticed because the rain was pouring down so hard and it would hide his tears away.

Seven. He really had to pee, but there was no bathroom anywhere, the street was empty, no one walked past, no one was here, Harry was scared.

The little boy had no idea that while he counted a strange man with a black umbrella was racing toward him. Because his eyes were clamped shut, and the man's desperate footsteps sounded muffled in his ears.

Eight.

"Are you alright? Child can you hear me? Where are your parents?" a warm hand closed around one of his wrists and Harry flinched back violently. The man gasped, and pulled the umbrella over Harry's frail body.

"How long have you been here?"

Harry slowly uncovered his ears and looked at the man shyly. He looked dark, everything was dark, his hair, his eyes and his robes. Harry felt the robe in his hand, it was soft, and the man smelled good. He smelled of ginger and something warm Harry couldn't quite place.

"I'm sorry." he muttered, letting go of the man.

"Why are you sorry? What's your name? Are you lost?" the man was kneeling in front of him, his back eyes shined in concern, as he once again grabbed Harry's hand gently.

Harry was shaking, he had to finish the counting, otherwise he would be scared. But the man asked him a question, and he looked uncomfortable crouching down like that. But you have to count Harry. A tiny voice reminded him. Harry heaved a sigh and turned his back to the man. He covered his ears as another lighting sounded from the sky and started counting.

Eight. Mommy and daddy left him here yesterday morning, telling him that they'll be back. Someday. Harry didn't know what that meant and he was scared.

Nine. He really liked to hug the black man, he smelled safe, didn't call him a freak and he looked kind. Harry itched to just lose himself within those back robes and never come out.

Ten. The man was talking, frantically asking questions that Harry couldn't answer. The man /scooped/ Harry up in his arms and started running quickly, the umbrella was left forgotten on the street, blown away with the whipping wind.

It did work. Harry wasn't scared anymore.

Xx

"So you're my daddy now?" little Harry asked timidly, dangling his legs back and forth in his seat. Sev'us kissed him on the forehead and nodded.

"Yes I am Harry, I'm going to be your daddy forever and ever." Harry couldn't help it, he didn't want to sound whiny, or like a baby, he was six after all. But he couldn't help himself, he started crying. He leaped in Daddy's arms and hugged him tight. He had a daddy, Sev'us was his daddy now, and he liked Harry, he kissed him and told him that he loved him everyday, they painted his room together and they had fun. Mommy and first daddy never did those things for him.

But Sev'us did. And now Daddy did.

Xx

"Do you want to look at the toy shop?" Daddy asked, catching Harry looking at them with longing. Harry shook his head frantically, no, he didn't deserve any toys like Aiden did. Daddy didn't need to know that.

"It's okay Harry, I think some toys will make your room look better."

"But sir.. Daddy, wouldn't you be late?" they weren't here for toys, they were here because Daddy had an appointment with an old man for his job. Stupid Harry, stupid, stupid Harry. The small boy berated himself.

"I don't think so, and don't rush, Albus would be willing to wait until we're done." Daddy led him to the shop, the door clicked with a tiny click and Harry had to try really hard to keep his mouth closed. The shop looked... wow. There were toys and stuffed animals and trains and blocks and... Everything, Dudley never had this much toy, Aiden had a lot but even he didn't have this much. Daddy smiled and leaned in, hugging Harry to his legs.

"Go pick whatever you want." he muttered slyly, and let Harry go. Harry stood there hesitantly for a few moments before taking off to one of the shelves. He looked at them with awe, looking at all of the stuffed toys in different colors and shapes. Harry wanted /everything / but, but he shouldn't just pick anything.

No, Harry had to pick the cheapest, so Daddy wouldn't be burdened with his freaky needs. He struggled, eyes watering in desperation as he looked around other children picking toys right and left, without a second thought. What a brat. Harry thought disdainfully.

Daddy saw his face and walked up to him, hugging him to his legs. "What about we pick something together, hmm?" Harry could only nod, wiping his tears away hastily. What a freak, you can't even pick your own toy. He thought savagely.

But he had to admit, picking with Daddy was much more fun. Daddy would pick each animal up and they would hold him for a few seconds, deciding whatever or not Harry could name it or if Daddy's imitation of the animal was good enough. Daddy picked up a lamb and silently kneeled next to Harry, quietly saying.

"Baa.. Baa Harry, would you like me as your stuffed toy? I promise to be there for forever and ever." Harry giggled at his Daddy but shook his head. He never liked sheep anyway.

Daddy finally picked up a rabbit and hold it in front of Harry's face. "What about me?" Daddy's voice was funny, like his nose was stuffy and runny. Harry liked the voice so he nodded once.

Daddy smiled and gave him the rabbit, hugging them both and settling them on his hip, before they went to the counter. Harry hugged Daddy and the rabbit back, taking a nap while Daddy got out of the shop and went to meet the old man.

Xx

"Harry! Dinner is ready." dad yelled from downstairs, and Harry rolled his eyes, he had a clock for merlin's sake, no need to embarrass him in front of Hermione. He was trying to play it cool, telling the girl that he was a free kid and had no boundaries. He was trying to /impress/ Hermione here, but dad just had to do it now.

Hermione giggled and took the boy's hand, both running down the stairs. Harry blushed deeply but said nothing, as the two entered the kitchen.

"Hello there Miss. Granger, Harry." Dad nodded at both and then settled in his chair, eyeing Harry with narrowed eyes.

The ten year old blushed under the gaze and shook his head. Dad smiled knowingly and went to serve the food.

"How are your parents doing Granger?"

Hermione gulped down her milk and politely answered. "Good, sir, they said hi."

The potion master hummed. "You're staying the night?" he asked nonchalantly, nodding at Harry subtly to clean his mouth.

"Yes sir, if that's okay with you." she answered back again politely. Harry glared at his dad, narrowing his eyes. Severus smiled.

"Of course not Granger, in fact, I think we can watch Harry's photo album together."

Oh no, Harry's eyes widened. The photo album, the most embarrassing experiences of his life were recorded in that cursed album. Every embarrassing picture, moving or muggle were all set there, waiting for dad to show off to everyone. Not Hermione dad, he pleaded silently.

Severus only smiled when Hermione agreed whole heartedly. "Dad... Didn't you have that potion to finish?" he asked, hoping that the potion master would get the hint.

Dad pretended to think, titling his head. "No, I don't. I'm all free tonight."

Please, the ten year old mouthed, pleading. Severus looked away, smirking.

"I didn't know you had a knack for photographs." Hermione said when Severus assured the girl that there were more than one album to go through. Harry was melting in his seat.

"I don't." he didn't, and he swore, if dad decided to show the girl the one with him sleeping naked in a bathtub, Harry was going to dig a hole in the ground and stay there until he died.

Hermione laughed at his expression but didn't press.

Xx

"Daddy!" he was crying feverishly, at the top of his lungs. He was sobbing, the sheets clenched in his fists. Nightmares were a common thing for Harry, although they happened unexpectedly, and not in pattern, dad always seemed to know when they happened.

That was the problem though. Dad wasn't home tonight, and Harry had woken from one of his worst nightmares. Dad abandoning him.

"Daddy." he was already eleven, but that didn't change the fact that how much he wanted his dad right now, this was one of the first nights that he was left alone without a babysitter. And he was bawling all over his comforter. Bad Potter, you pathetic wimp!

Harry buried his face in his damp pillow, crying. The nightmare still fresh in his mind, he would've tried to at least calm his breathing, but he couldn't think rationally enough to do that, every time he stopped crying, flashes of the nightmare passed before his eyes.

First it was Harry watching from his cupboard, watching mommy feed Aiden and cooing all over him. The peaceful scene however changed when Harry was pulled out of the cupboard unexpectedly by his hair. James Potter loomed over him, snarling darkly, his nails dragging on Harry's scalp, he pulled the boy out of the house and into the porch, it was raining. Harry hated rain or storms. He hated them more than lightnings.

James pulled out his belt and started beating Harry within an inch of his life, everything burned, everything seared, every time the belt came down on his skin. Harry was scared of the lightning, but he was more scared of James.

He was crying hysterically, trying not to think of what happened next. He was calling for his dad like a mantra, knowing that no one could hear him, since the Manor was empty, no one was here. Harry screamed over and over, trying to turn down the harsh words James and Vernon spat at him with every blow in his dream.

Dad was not coming, you're just a freak, he abounded you, he's tired of you, you burden, you pathetic brat. He hit his head over his bed post over and over. Insulting himself seemed to work better than hearing his former father look at him in disdain and disappointment.

Or seeing his dad, looking at him with those black eyes, hating him.

Oh merlin, he was such a disappointment, a whiny brat like Aiden. He was becoming the person he despised the most and that hurt.

"Harry? Harry?!" he barely heard his dad rushing to him, pulling him firmly in his arms, Harry turned back, sniffing in dad's robes, the scent always seemed to calm him and he was nauseous.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry for being such a bad son! I'm sorry!" he felt like he couldn't stop crying, but everything just came out of his mouth without thinking, he was being rocked, like he was six years old again, and Dad was slowly calming him, but he couldn't stop crying. He couldn't even hear the potion master talk to him.

"Shh... Daddy's here, shhh." he finally heard his dad saying. Harry didn't say anything , he stilled his breaths, already knowing how dad had found him like this, he knew how important this meeting was to dad. He felt guilty, extremely guilty, he just had to be a like spoiled brat, dragging his dad out of a meeting for a stupid nightmare. He sniffed. Pathetic.

Such an ungrateful son.

"Harry?"

"Dad?" he flushed, face still in his robes. Guiltily enjoying his father's hand rubbing his back.

"I'm so sorry." Dad said unexpectedly, hugging him closer. Harry realized that dad was actually crying.

"What?" Harry said in confusion, wasn't dad supposed to angry at him? Harry basically ruined his career.

"I shouldn't have left you, I'm so sorry child." Instead of making him feel better, Harry actually felt worse for making his dad feel guilty. He can't just stay with you for the rest of your life Potter. Grow up, you wimp, you don't want that nightmare coming true, do you?

Harry swallowed. "It's okay." he didn't apologize back, knowing that dad was already feeling guilty for leaving him alone for the night. Harry felt tainted, self loath consuming him as he laid there with his dad, so disgusted with himself that he, the eleven year old boy, who was about to leave for Hogwarts in less than a month, couldn't sleep alone.

He closed his eyes, dad didn't need to see the tears of shame.

Xx

"I know, I just feel so guilty Albus. I should've known." Harry sank down against the kitchen door, eavesdropping on his dad and the headmaster.

"But all is well now Severus. He's okay now."

"He was bashing his head against the bed screaming his head off, how the hell is that okay?!"

Harry buried his face in his knees, listening in guiltily.

"You couldn't have known." Albus said gently, trying to go through the potion master.

"What would've happened, if I hadn't put that monitor on him? Albus I can't accept the job, raising Harry is a full time job on itself."

"Harry will understand, he's not a child anymore Severus, it was a one time thing." Albus argued back. Harry felt his guts churn, he knew that he had ruined his dad's career. He was such a freak.

"I can't, Albus, Harry needs attention. 24/7 attention, I can't just accept the offer, as tempting as it is." Dad sat in his favorite armchair, crossing his arms.

The old man shook his head. "I beg to differ Severus. Having you there in the school is much better, you're always close by if needs be."

"What about when he's sorted? Albus, Harry might be kind, be he's not... Social." dad seemed to struggle to find the right word.

"He has friends."

"Weasley and Granger are exceptions Albus, Harry is not socially adapted, I told you what happened in primary school." Harry shrank in shame, tears leaking out of his eyes silently.

"Severus ever since he was six I am offering you this job, and every time you decline..."

"For the same reasons Albus. My presence in the school will complicate things, I'm not his father at Hogwarts anymore. I'm his teacher." Harry could tell from the tone that dad really wanted the job as well. Harry was the only thing holding him off.

"He's going to Hogwarts anyway, you can't stop him from growing up Severus."

Dad sighed heavily, Harry knew he had his head in his hands. "Albus, that is not an issue. The problem is that I can't act biased toward my own son, because I know he's socially awkward and shy. He absolutely shuts down in stranger's presence. I'm his father, not another source of stress."

"He's not going to be locked up forever Severus. He needs to over come the shyness, sooner or later."

"I can't leave him Albus. I thought I could last night. But no, I left him for three hours Albus, and he had a gash the size of my palm on his head, stuck in a panic attack. I can't leave him."

But you want the job dad, don't let me hold you back please. You're better off without me anyway.
"Severus, I know you're well off, but that money isn't going to last forever."

"I'm a potion master, you seem to underestimate my abilities." the potion master sneered, leaning back in his chair.

Albus sighed heavily. "I didn't mean to offend you Severus. But this is the best offer you're going to get. I understand having a troubled child has its own problems, but I really believe this won't be an issue."

"Harry is not /troubled/, don't put a label on my son old man, just because he suffers of anxiety doesn't mean that he's troubled."

"Severus, I've been headmaster for fifty years now, and a teacher for longer. I know what I'm talking about.."

"I wish you to leave. Now."

"You're letting your love for the child to blind you of his needs Severus. You can't stuck your head in snow forever."

"Now." dad growled, standing swiftly and walking to Dumbledore. "Get out Albus."

Harry scrambled off to his feet as well, no point in staying anymore. He had heard what he needed to. Year after year Professor Dumbledore came to their house, offering Severus the potions position. Ever since Harry was six, dad declined every time. Every single year dad and headmaster got into an argument, more or less similar to this one and then the headmaster would leave.

Just because of him, Dad didn't accept the post he wanted once again. Harry knew how much he wanted it, he remembered, the day in Diagon alley, the day Harry got rabbity. How excited dad was, he smiled more that day and even let Harry have a piggyback ride when no one was looking.

But he declined, two days after their appointment, Harry had an accident in primary school, his first day in school. He had locked himself in a bathroom stall after the teacher made him talk when he didn't want to and other kids called him mute and tried to hit him when they tried to talk to him. It had taken his dad two hours and his rabbit to finally get him out. He was pulled from the primary school right away and home schooled.

Dad declined the job offer the same day.

And the next year, and the year after that. Just because Harry was a stupid whiny brat who couldn't be normal. He tried so hard, to be normal, so hard to be like Ron or Mione. But it looked like he was bound to screw up every time. It wasn't the first time that someone suggested that he was /troubled/. Dad got really angry when someone said that, to a point that Harry was forbidden to spend time with Ron's twin brothers, because they called him a nutty.

Harry dropped on his bed, cringing as he saw the rabbit sitting on his bed innocently. He hated it when he made Dad feel like this, he knew that dad was probably heading up to his room now, trying to convince himself that Harry was more important.

As if in cue a soft knock came from his door. "Come in." but that was about to change, Harry thought fiercely, Dad would get the job this year, it was the least Harry could do.

"Harry? Are you feeling better? No headaches?"

Harry shook his head, and waited for dad to come to him.

They sat in silence for minutes before dad finally spoke up.

"Professor Dumbledore was here."

Harry nodded. "I know." I heard.

The potion master cleared his throat.

"Did he offer the job again?" Harry asked, trying to act innocent.

Dad looked uncomfortable, twiddling with Harry's hand.

"Maybe."

"You didn't take it?" Harry felt his heart sank because he already knew the answer.

"I have you."

"That's not an answer, why don't you just take the job?"

"Because we don't need it."

"But you do, you love to take the job dad. I know that, am I holding you back?" he asked with dread, this was it, this was to see if his nightmares turned out of be true, and Harry felt bitterly happy. Even if he was living in the streets Dad could at least get the job.

"What?! No! No! What makes you think that?" he hugged Harry close, trying to reassure the stoic boy.

"I'm right aren't I? You declined because of what happened last night." now Harry knew, this was the guilt card, but he had to bring it up somehow.

"Harry..."

"No dad, I'm not letting you to decline again, I can't."

"This isn't about you, I promise..."

"You're lying to me. Take the job please." I love you dad, do it please.

"Harry, I'm not sure if you understand what that means," he grabbed Harry at arms length, looking in his eyes. "If I take the job, I will be your teacher, potions is a delicate course son, and I have no choice but to be harsh and strict. I don't want you to go through that."

"You think I can't take it?"

Severus shook his head, pursing his lips. "I want to take care of you. You, Harry, not other children."
"Because you think I can't handle myself in school."

"Because I love you, Harry we talked about this, didn't we?"

"That was before.." before the headmaster called me troubled. "Before last night."

"I'm sorry that..."

Harry cut him off, shaking his head. "That's not what I meant, you think that I'm... Different."
He didn't want to give away that he had listened in their conversation, but dad was really making it hard.

"Different? What does that mean? Did someone tell you something?" Harry sighed, frowning at his dad.

"No, no one said anything, I'm not dumb dad. I know I'm keeping you from the job." please don't let The headmaster be right dad. Please.

"..."

"Take the job."

"I think that's my decision Harry." he said sternly, slightly glaring, taking the strict parent posture.

"Dad please, I want you to take the job. I want you there with me." he felt like a jerk playing the guilt card now, he really did, be Harry couldn't help it. Dad needed this job.

"But Harry..."

"Aren't you the one who says that my opinion's important to you? Dad I need you with me."
Dad sighed, running a tired hand through his hair. Harry knew he would yield eventually, so just stayed silent.

"You are going to regret that decision, and there'll be nothing I can do Harry. Hogwarts contracts are all ten years based."

"I want you to, I know you love it and I do too."

"Harry, think about the classes, I don't want to cause you any stress."

Harry pouted stubbornly. He would prove dad and Dumbledore otherwise, he would show them that he wasn't troubled, or a baby who needed constant monitoring.

"Are you absolutely sure about this?" Dad sighed after a few moments, looking around the teen's room.

"I am."


XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX


One. He was currently sitting in burrow's unused barn, knees drawn to his chest while the roof plitte platted as the rain drops landed on the surface lazily.

Two. His cheek was bruised, not from the slap he had gotten from his dad earlier, but because he had hit himself for being a stupid freak and messing everything up.

Three. He was scared of the rain, and so was counting out loud, so it was a matter of time before anyone found him. Harry wished they didn't though.

Four. He was scared, because he had never seen his dad so angry, angry enough to hit him, in front of everyone. And all for that woman.

Five. He hated Janet. Everything about her irked him, the way she talked, the way she laughed, the way she made Severus happy when Harry was unable to. She was like his personal torturer, making him suffer everyday, over every single thing.

Six. He had no idea what he should do now, dad and Janet were having a baby apparently, and dad was going to propose to her soon enough, they would get settled down, they would get married and have more kids. Harry wouldn't be important anymore, like with Aiden, Dad would eventually get bored with him.

Seven. The barn's door opened and a person walked through, they didn't do anything but sitting next to Harry. Everyone knew not to interrupt him when he was busy counting.

Eight. He wanted to cry, but wasn't sure over what, there were so many things he could cry for, his ruined birthday, dad's marriage, Janet, the baby, Janet, or the fact the he didn't have a home anymore.
Nine. It was cold, and so Harry shut all of the doors, magically locking them because he didn't want to catch a cold of all things.

Ten. The person was Ron, entertaining himself with his Quidditch weekly magazine, there was another one and a backpack on the ground as well. Harry assumed they were spending the night in the barn.

He uncovered his ears, leaning his head against the cold hard wall behind him. Ron flipped through his magazine.

"Eleven, you're being ridiculous." the red haired said dryly, throwing him a bag of chips from the bag.

Harry caught the bag, and picked up the magazine. "They're having a damn kid." he hated it already, he popped s chips in his mouth.

"Twelve. It's not the end of the world."

Ron rolled his eyes, gulping down his butterbeer. Harry glared at the boy angrily.

"Not the end of the world? Ron, my life is basically ruined! They're going to get married and have kids and be happy and they're gonna forget about me."

Ron rolled his eyes again. "Thirteen, you're overreacting."

"They're getting married! And stop mocking me, it's not funny!"

"See? Overreacting. Mate, I know you don't like her, but Snape isn't some Bastard who'll throw you away that easily. That man fought the whole ministry for you for years."

Harry slumped down. "Ron, I'm not overreacting, I... It's been a while, he's always ignoring me now."
"Ignoring how? " he grabbed the chips, stretching his legs while groaning.

"You're gonna think it's ridiculous." he pouted, picking up the magazine once again off the ground, the sound of rain still bothering him.

"Trust me, there isn't anything that's gonna make you sound more ridiculous than you already are." Ron raised his eyebrow, gazing at the locked doors.

"See?" Harry growled, burying his head in his knees.

"Harry, just because your dad's getting married or is having kids doesn't mean he loves you any less. And besides, it's not like Janet is like some evil stepmother or anything, she actually likes you."

"How would you know?"

"I have five brothers and a sister. I would know."

Harry huffed. Ron didn't understand. "Well, it's not like your parents can get rid of you or anything. You're stuck with them. You're their kid... You know what I mean..." he gestured wildly with his

hands, trying to make his friend understand.

Ron eyed him before throwing the backpack to Harry, aimed right at his face.

"Hey! What the heck man?!" Harry dodged the heavy looking bag.

"Weren't you your parent's kid too? So they have a right to throw you out and mine doesn't? You're such a hypocrite."

Harry glared again, wringing his hands. "That's different, and you know it you git!"

"Different how?"

*"I'm not talking to you!"

"Then I'm not talking to you!"

"That's the way things are isn't it?!"

"Not the way we're doing it!" Ron huffed turning back to his magazine.

The couple sat in silence as the minutes dragged on, unwilling to even look at one another.

"You're being ridiculous!"

"I thought you weren't talking to me." Harry snapped back snidely.

"I'm talking to the damn barn!"

Harry crossed his arms, here he was hoping that someone was actually on his side, but nooooo.... Janet just had to bewitch everyone didn't she?

"There's no one more ridiculous than you!"

"She just ruined my birthday!"

"I'm not on her side, I'm saying what you did was wrong!"

"That means you're on her side!"

"I'm on the right side here!"

"Don't talk to me!"

"I'm not! You embarrassed yourself and your dad."

"He hit me."

"Alright, fine, I give you that. But you overreacted first." Ron stalked closed to the sulking teen.

"He promised he'll never hit me." Harry closed his eyes, unable to see Ron's pitying look.

"Listen... What she did tonight was wrong." Ron admitted, rubbing his neck nervously.

Harry remained stubbornly tight lipped. "But maybe you should've talked to your dad first, you know, father son talks."

"Ron?"

"Hmm?"

"Shut up." Harry exhaled deeply, replaying the birthday scene over and over again, it wasn't as easy as Ron was making it out to be, things were much complicated than that. Ever since Janet came to their lives, even as dad's friend, there wasn't a day when Harry didn't despise the woman, back then Harry and dad spent the evenings together, always had tea and Harry told dad about his day. Harry would kiss dad goodnight and tell him how much he loved him before retiring for the night.

Two weeks after they started dating the evening sessions were over, dad was either in a date with Janet, or that Janet was staying the night with them, dad had an appointment with Janet's boss regarding a potion..... The excuses were endless, the one time that dad actually felt guilty for not spending time with him was dissolved when Janet kissed him. Dad didn't even lift his head to see Harry leaving the room. He never came in to say goodnight.

Harry was pissed, /he/ was the one who should be able to love dad, not some stranger woman who didn't even know dad that well. Things got worse, it was subtle, but Harry caught everything ; the way she just smiled at him, like she knew that he knew how much he hated him and couldn't do anything about it, the way Dad said her name in every sentence, ' Janet said this, Janet said that, she wanted it that way, Janet is going to....

It was like dad was under her spell, two months after they started dating, dad started going out in the nights, Harry never said anything because dad didn't. The man didn't even tell him he was going out. Harry had to find out, when he woke up drenched in sweat, a repeat of his eleven years old self. But dad didn't come for him, no matter how much he called, dad wasn't home.

And two nights after that the same thing happened, Harry could never manage to calm himself down properly, so he dived under the shower each time to stop harming himself. The next two weeks were torture for him, the nightmares were at their peak, and so were the panic attacks, dad remained oblivious to it all.

Five months in their relationship, Janet wanted to move in with them, Harry thought that he was going to explode, he instantly went to talk to his dad, but upon seeing him so happy at the prospect, his world crumbled down. Dad was never this happy when he had Harry, he never smiled this frequently, or never looked this open.

That was the bitter truth, Janet was better than him in every way.

Remus and Sirius entered into his life, they were his fun uncles, and Harry found himself spending his nights there rather frequently, specially the nights he knew Janet was making his favorite food, Sirius was never angry or rough with him, Remus was calm and easy going, their house had a very calm atmosphere to it, and Harry found himself liking it more as days passed.

Not barely a month later, he couldn't even see his dad, apparently Janet and her boss have managed to enter dad in a free potion making Programm, all of the potions were for charity, and charity meant twenty four hours of work, dad wasn't even home at times. He left notes, first they were long and actually made Harry feel better, but as days passed so did the notes.

His depression was back. The monster he had fought for years was once again taking over, no one noticed anything odd about his behavior because they barely saw him anymore, they thought he was spending his summer holidays with his dad and Janet (who were on holiday themselves), and dad thought he was spending it with Sirius and Remus.

Harry spent the two weeks in his room, only going out to eat or to use the bathroom. He knew that he just had to tell dad the depression was back, maybe then dad would start to see him again.
But he didn't, apparently on their holiday, Janet's grandfather had passed away, dad was so distraught that Janet was sad that he even snapped at Harry for wanting to talk to him.

Harry never went to his dad again, he stopped making plans with his friends, barely seeing them for a whole month before dad happily declared that he wanted to throw Harry a birthday party.
Now, birthday parties, while celebrated were often private, between the two of them. So the prospect of having a birthday with all of his friends and family boosted Harry up dramatically.

He started visiting Sirius and Remus again, rambling on about how excited he was for his birthday party, and how happy he was to finally spend some time with his dad again. They looked at him oddly, but said nothing.

Two days before his birthday dad came into his room, Harry was ecstatic. After a full year, dad finally came into his room to bid him goodnight. He smiled widely and greeted his dad with a big hug, dad hugged back and sat on his bed. Harry snuggled under his covers, waiting for dad to kiss him and leave.

"Not yet Harry." dad had said nervously, brushing off the invisible dust off his robes. Harry waited patiently, knowing that dad was finally going to apologize, and everything was going on be okay again. He hopped up, smiling sheepishly.

The smile melted off his face, barely two minutes after that. Marriage. Dad wanted to marry Janet. Harry was speechless, literally he was incapable of speaking. The mere thought of Janet as his step mother sent him into a full panic attack mode.

Images of when he was younger, when mommy and daddy still loved him before Aiden was born flashed in his mind. They loved him too, at first, but then Aiden was born. Harry was happy to be a big brother, but the said brother wasn't. Then they started calling him names, then they stopped paying attention to him, and then they hit him. Ten months later, they threw him out.

But dad wasn't like that, right? Daddy loved him, Harry knew he did, he saved Harry, he loved Harry and Harry loved him more than anything in this world. But he was getting married. He left and he was getting married.

Don't you want him happy? You love him and you should want what's best for him, he just doesn't need you anymore. Admit it.

"Alright. Fine" he said as blankly as possible, dad looked dubious and asked several times, Harry accepted every time.

The depression came back again full force, even more so, when he found out the birthday party was originally Janet's idea, but Harry pulled himself together, he wouldn't let that woman ruin his first ever birthday with his his friends, not like this.

Although he had promised to himself, Harry did cry, a lot. But never told anyone anything again.
The birthday came and Harry was genuinely happy, even happy enough to act civil towards Janet and thanking her for throwing him a birthday party.

All seemed well, until the birthday cake. It was the last straw, Harry was about to explode. And he did, he wanted to ruin the cake, ruin the wedding, ruin everything in his sight, until dad hit him. Mommy and daddy loved him too, then they started calling names, then they stopped paying attention to him, and then they hit him.

Dad stopped paying attention to him, dad called him names, dad hit him, they were getting and married, they were about to have a baby, he was going to be a big brother, and they were going to throw him out.

Harry ran away. He didn't let them belittle him, he didn't let them hurt him. He ran away himself.
Harry looked at Ron silently gazing at him, and then looked over at the bag.

"We're spending the night?"

Ron shrugged. "I only have one sleeping bag, thought you were going to count all night. You take the floor though."

"Git."