Summary: Harry is struggling and does not know what to do. Things are getting worse and worse and he is not sure how much more he can take. Will Hogwarts, and a particular potions professor, be his new beginning? Or will it be his end? Warnings: Self injury, suicide themes. Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Categories: Healer Snape Main Characters: .Snape and Harry (required)
Snape Flavour: Snape Comforts, Snape is Desperate, Snape is Kind, Snape is Loving, Overly-protective Snape, Snape is Stern
Genres: Angst, Drama, Family, Hurt/Comfort
Media Type: None
Tags: Hospitalization
Takes Place: 1st Year
Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Self-harm, Suicide Themes
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 18 Completed: No
Word count: 22434 Read: 84364
Published: 15 Apr 2018 Updated: 25 Dec 2018
Chapter 3 by Siff16
The year before had been hard for Harry. It was a different kind of hard then what Harry was feeling now, but it was still a very painful and very difficult time.
Everything felt... dulled. Everything that Harry tried to do felt as if it just wasn't enough. The things that had once made him happy just felt... disturbingly bare. It wasn't that he got no enjoyment out of them, it was just that he was so aware of the enjoyment that should have been there but wasnt, that everything felt disappointing.
It made it hard for him to see the point of doing anything.
He kept his grades up, through some miracle, but that was about all he could do before he would emotionally crash.
His chores at home suffered. His uncle hit him more and more. It didnt make him go any faster. It just made his head droop a bit more, and it made the knot in his stomach tighter and tighter.
Seeing that what he was doing was having little effect, his uncle then began hitting him less and less.
Instead, he would be sent into his cupboard.
He didn't mind. It was perfect actually. Small, dark, his own little place to disappear.
He slept a lot. He slept as much as he could. Sleep was such a relief. He could be feeling so bad that he was contemplating suicide... but then... when he would realize what he was thinking... he could fall asleep and distract away from the pain for a while.
It was scary to want to kill yourself. At first it came to him as a suggestion. Just on occasion when he would feel really heavy, some part of him would question if maybe things would be better if he had never been born at all.
At first these thoughts would scare him. He would try to fight them as hard as he could. Shove them as far away as possible.
Eventually they became more and more insistent. The feelings wouldnt stop. He would feel so miserable that the thoughts of suicide became comforting. It was something he could always do if things became TOO hard.
He could always just end it. Have it all just be over.
He didnt like his options. But he liked the fact that he HAD options.
That it was HIS choice.
He wished he could stop feeling the way he felt. He wished there was hope for him. In fact, he tried to hold onto hope as long as he could. And even though it was hard, he tried harder.
Until one day.
The day he turned his teachers hair blue.
To be continued...
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