Ginny had realized as soon as she left the Great Hall that she had no idea where Harry had gone. She aimlessly wandered the halls for a bit considering her options, she could keep wandering until she found him, she could give up on searching and wait for him somewhere she was reasonably certain he would turn up eventually, or she could put off speaking with him until she just happened to run into him.

That last choice was not one she was really going to consider.

Her aimless path eventually led her past the hall that the library was down. In the past, she wouldn’t have even bothered checking in there, but Harry had changed over the summer. In fact, he had changed so much so, that she was nearly certain she would find him there.

As she walked towards the library, Ginny mused over the conversation between her mum and Professor Lupin that she had overheard this past summer.

Her mum had been worried about Harry; he kept asking for more books, and not just any books- specifically textbooks. Her mum didn’t think it was healthy that Harry had changed so much, to go from rarely studying at all to seemingly studying constantly, but Professor Lupin had told her not to worry about it, that it was probably his way of coping with the loss of Sirius.

And maybe Remus was right, but a part of Ginny worried that her mum was right too, that this method of coping wasn’t exactly healthy, or was maybe symptomatic of a larger issue.

As Ginny passed a cluster of bookshelves, she finally spotted Harry in a tucked away alcove. Even with the conversation she had overheard last summer, it was still a little bizarre to see Harry studying peacefully, by himself, in the library.

Seeing him alone like this, she couldn’t help but think that Ron and Hermione’s continual abandonment of him had something to do with the dramatic change.

Ginny greeted Harry as she sat down across from him. He jumped a little and halfheartedly returned her greeting.

“How are you doing Harry? You looked a little upset when you left.”

“I’m fine. I just had some studying to do,” Harry said, with absolutely no inflection.

Ginny smiled wryly, “I hope you don’t expect me to believe that. I hope one day you’ll see you don’t need to lie to me like that. I won’t pressure you to talk to me- much,” she chuckled a little uncomfortably, “but, I really do think that talking to someone would help.”

Harry stared off into the distance for a little while. Ginny began to think that he’d never respond, and was trying to decide what she should say next, maybe she ought to suggest journaling? It was a coping method that she instinctively shied away from, but maybe it would help him since it didn’t involve trusting a person with his struggles. But then, he started speaking.

“It’s just, I’m so behind,” Harry started, with a sharp gesture of frustration.

“Voldemort is just so much better than me at everything. I know I’m going to have to fight him again, and I want to be prepared, but it’s impossible. He has decades and decades of experience that I can’t possibly hope to match. But I can’t just give up, I don’t want to die, so I have to do something.” Harry sighed and turned back to his books, “So, I’m going to study my hardest, and hope I’ve done enough by our next confrontation.”

Ginny had the feeling that there was more to his mood than just worry over being hunted by Riddle. Harry had, after all, been hunted by Riddle for most of his life and throughout all of his time in the Wizarding World.

She stared at him absently trying to decide how she wanted to respond to this, if she wanted to offer to help him study or call him on sharing what was really bothering him.

After a few minutes of being subjected to Ginny’s stare, Harry gave up on trying to study for the moment and looked up. “Was there something else you wanted?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, there was,” Ginny said, suddenly remembering something that she’d been meaning to ask Harry, “I wanted to ask you why you haven’t started up the D.A. again yet.”

Harry looked bewildered, and Ginny hoped this was because he had plans that he had assumed she already knew for some reason.

“I haven’t started it up because I hadn’t planned on ever starting it up.” Harry said, immediately crushing Ginny’s hopes. He continued, “We have a competent defense professor, and I wouldn’t want to overstep and offend her. Not to mention that I really never should have been running the D.A. in the first place; it was dangerous and someone could have gotten seriously hu- “

Ginny just had to cut him off before he could get any further, “Nobody’s gotten hurt because of you! Riddle and his cronies are the ones that have been hurting people!”

Harry smiled grimly, as if he’d been expecting this counter. “Would Hermione, or Ron, or you, or Neville, or,” here Harry paused as if to brace himself, “or Cedric have gotten hurt if I hadn’t been there? I can answer that one for you, no. They would’ve been and you would’ve been safely at Hogwarts if weren’t for me.”

While a part of her had expected him to come up with something ridiculous like that, actually being confronted with it was still a bit shocking. She didn’t even know where to begin explaining how very wrong Harry was.

“I- you- it wasn’t your fault!” Ginny exclaimed, smiling contritely at Madam Pince when she glared venomously at her.

At a more moderate tone, Ginny continued, “You were set up! You didn’t know about the cup being a portkey, and you didn’t know about the Ministry! You did the best you could with what you had, and it’s because of your D.A. lessons that we didn’t get hurt worse!” Ginny finished as passionately as she could without drawing the wrath of Madam Pince.

“You know we only started the D.A. because Umbridge was utterly useless at best, and now that we have a proper professor it’s not needed anymore,” Harry responded. “And if we did start up the D.A. like we did last year, Kirke might be insulted or offended. It might seem like we’re lumping her in with Umbridge, and that her lessons aren’t good enough,” Harry said.

He continued, “But you’re right, extra lessons could save lives. We can ask Professor Kirke to run them, and, so we don’t burden her unnecessarily, ask some other professors to help.”

“Why ‘burden’ the professors at all? If you’re so concerned about bothering them, why don’t you just teach us yourself? Kirke would probably be proud that we’re studying her specialty on our own initiative” Ginny replied, getting just a little frustrated at Harry’s self-contradictory reasoning and inability to see that she was right.

Harry’s eyes slid away from Ginny’s and fixed on a point in the distance, looking haunted. “Those D.A. meetings were a mistake. They were handled improperly and were downright dangerous. Any one of you could have been seriously injured. It was stupid and arrogant of me to think that I could lead those lessons.”

Ginny stared at him, unable to believe that he couldn’t see how valuable those lessons had been. That he couldn’t see clearly about, well, anything related to the whole situation. As she continued to stare at Harry, a realization began to dawn on her.

Harry didn’t want to continue to lead the D.A. because if he did, it would mean that he was the best person for the job; that he’s smart and talented. More than that though, it’d mean that he’d have people willing to support and follow him on his misadventures, and that kind of support must be foreign to him; Ginny didn’t know much about what went on at the Dursley’s, but she did know that they’re far from loving and supportive.

Further complicating the already messy and convoluted situation was that Harry did have some valid concerns. Their group was completely unsupervised which is perhaps not the ideal situation for teenagers to be learning how to defend themselves.

Still though, there were ways around this, and his staunch refusal to brainstorm them himself made it clear to Ginny that the concerns he listed weren’t the only causing his refusal.

They continued to sit there in silence, each mulling over their own thoughts, when Neville walked by. Perfect! Ginny thought Neville can help me convince Harry that this is the right thing to do, and lunged forward out of her seat to grab Neville’s arm.

Neville jumped as her hand closed around his arm, and made the highest pitched sound that Ginny had ever heard from a post-pubescent man. She quickly released his arm, and leaned back into her seat.

“Shh! You don’t want Madam Pince to kick us out,” Ginny whispered forcefully, “and sit down, you need to help me convince Harry to start the D.A. again.” Ginny saw Neville look longingly at his books and was about to monologue about all the things she’d already said to Harry, when Neville set his book bag under the table, sat down, and turned to Harry.

“I think you guys need to catch me up, because I had assumed that the D.A. was just going to continue. What do you mean by ‘convince Harry to start the D.A. again’?” Neville asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Harry here,” Ginny gestured broadly at Harry, “seems to believe that asking him to lead the D.A. again is dangerous and stupid and would offend Kirke, but asking Professor Kirke to lead the D.A. would burden her unnecessarily, but extra D.A.D.A training would be useful and valuable.” Ginny turned to look Harry dead in the eye, “Did I sum up your arguments well?”

Harry gestured helplessly, “I did say we could ask other professors to lead sessions so Professor Kirke isn’t overburdened.”

Neville still looked confused, his head tilted to the side and a slight crinkle in his eyebrows. He said, “Wait so the problem is that Harry teaching alone would be dangerous, but asking Professor Kirke to do it all would be unfair to her, right? So why don’t we have Harry teach the lessons and ask a professor to oversee them? Then the professor’s only time commitment is sitting in on the lessons, and there’s a fully trained wizard on hand in case something goes wrong. Oh, and if other professors are on board, there’s very little chance Kirke will be upset.”

Ginny felt her jaw drop involuntarily, and immediately closed her mouth. She slapped herself lightly on the forehead, “That’s perfect! I wish I’d thought of it and saved myself the effort of arguing with this,” she waved vaguely at Harry, “particularly stubborn brick wall. So, Harry, do you agree to start the D.A. under those conditions?”

Harry looked uncertain, but said, “I guess so.”

“Great! We can go talk to McGonagall after dinner and run it past her. She knows us, so I think she’d be willing to supervise and if not, she’d know who to ask, since you seem so against bugging Kirke.”

Ginny wanted to give Harry no chance to back out of the meeting.

Neville stood, grabbing his book bag, and said “I’m glad that’s all settled, now if you don’t mind, I have studying to do.”

Ginny watched him walk off toward the charms section of the library, and sighed. She really ought to study for that nasty Potions exam that she had coming up soon. “I guess we’ll see you at McGonagall’s office if we don’t see you at dinner, I have to go to the dorm and grab my notes to study,” Ginny said as she stood up and waved goodbye to Harry.

That went surprisingly well, Ginny thought as she walked towards her dorm, but Harry really doesn’t seem okay. He’s so much darker than he’s been before. Sirius’s death really seems to have messed him up, but I don’t know what to do to help him. The whole situation is way out of my depth. Between the events of the end of her third and fourth years and what little she knew of his relationship with his relatives…

At this point, Ginny was halfway to Gryffindor Tower, but had to stop and put her hand on the wall. Even thinking about all the problems and ordeals Harry has was overwhelming her, how in Merlin’s saggy pants was Harry handling actually facing that trauma? It was unbelievable and was proof of the incredible strength of character that Harry had.

But, she thought reluctantly, how long could that strength possibly last? Everybody has a breaking point, and what if Harry was nearing his?

Unfortunately, Harry was the type of person who would hide his pain until long after he collapsed from the weight of it.

Ginny straightened up, and as she resumed her walk to Gryffindor Tower, she decided that the best thing she could do for Harry was just to be there for him and hope that he would let her catch him if he fell.