Severus had almost decided not to go to dinner that evening. He could have easily called a house elf instead and not been forced to witness something that would most likely haunt him and all his interactions with her for ages.

After spending the rest of the day in the library Severus had managed to put together a respectable backstory for Eli. He had decided to say that his defense education in Florida had been so sub-par that McGonagall had strongly discouraged him from being an auror and from even taking Defense. He could say that she’d offered to let him take it with younger students, but he’d declined, if anyone asked why he wasn’t at least trying the class.

He’d still have to spend all his class time with Potter, but at least he wouldn’t have to pretend like being an auror was a worthwhile ambition. Eli had been cruelly crushed over not being able to take Defense, so some bitterness and resentment towards the career path was reasonable, Severus had decided.

Regretfully, he had decided that he could not get away with pretending to want to be a Potions Master- it would simply be too suspicious. So, instead, he’d decided his new ambition was to be a healer. It ought to be believable enough for the time being, and his class schedule lined up with that ambition well enough. He had the two most important classes at least- Potions and Herbology.

Then, with his backstory all sorted out, he’d been torn between rewarding himself on a job well done with allowing himself to avoid the Gryffindor brats by eating dinner alone or using his new confidence in his fake identity by eating with Potter.

He’d decided to go to dinner with Potter when Severus had run into him on his way out of the library. They’d walked together and he had been gratified when Potter had been so appreciative of the balm. They arrived at the Great Hall towards the latter half of the dinner period, so they’d been forced to sit closer to the head table than Severus would have chosen to if given the choice.

Too close, and he’d feel like Dumbledore or McGonagall were breathing down his neck.

As they sat down, Severus had absentmindedly scanned the staff table, and felt his heart palpitate with shock when he saw himself, seated in his usual place on the fringes of the table.

He sat there frozen with shock and mounting fury. He should have never ever let Dumbledore have access to his quarters. Never.

Through the haze of anger and lingering shock, he heard Potter say, “…. Eli, Earth to Eli!”

“What? What?” he snapped, turning his attention from the head table to where Potter sat across from him.

“I just wanted to ask if you wanted some macaroni, otherwise I was going to finish it up myself- but, are you alright?” Potter asked.

Severus glanced back at where the fraud sat wearing his body, probably accomplished using Polyjuice potion stolen from his private stores and hair taken from his quarters and grinned joylessly at Potter.

“I’m fine, just got lost in my thoughts for a moment. And go ahead with the macaroni, it’s not my favorite. Who's that teacher talking to Professor Kirke?" he asked Potter. Severus figured he’d only have the one chance to hear Potter describe him and he was curious what Potter would say.

Potter scooped the rest of the macaroni onto his plate and glanced up at the head table. “Next to Professor Kirke?”

Severus nodded.

“That’s Snape, he’s the professor for potions. You said you’re taking potions, right? Well, you’d better memorize the book as soon as you can, because he absolutely hates Gryffindors- and me in particular, and since you’ll be in my class, you might end up collateral damage. You might have a chance though, if you show up already knowing everything.”

Severus felt the injustice of this description boil up, and before he could judge the rationality of this decision, opened his mouth to jump to his own defense, “Have you considered-“

“Sup,” the youngest Weasley interrupted as she plopped down next to Severus.

He jumped, just a little, from shock. And realized, suddenly, how dumb he had almost been. Why had he almost done that? Potter hadn’t even said anything that bad.

“What’re we talking about?” Weasley said as she served herself.

Severus declined to answer by filling his mouth with food.

“I was just telling Eli who Snape is, and he was about to say something when you sat down,” Potter said.

“Damn I forgot what I was going to say,” Severus decided to say.

“My bad. Anyways, I love a good Snape roast,” Weasley said, continuing to say something that Severus immediately tuned out, continuing to shovel food into his mouth at a steady rate to prevent needing to respond. He turned his gaze back to the head table, curious now as to who was pretending to be him.

One sweep of the table revealed only one person missing, so he scanned the table again, sure that someone else must be missing. Surely, surely, Dumbledore would not be cruel enough to do this to him.

But he had, because the only person missing was Minerva McGonagall.

He resisted the urge to bury his face in his palms or to simply run out of the Great Hall and never show his face again. McGonagall, a woman who had known him since he was eleven and had seen him during some terrible parts in his life, had also now seen and experienced his body.

He would never be able to look her in the eyes again.

Severus tuned back into Potter and Weasleys’ conversation. He’d rather listen to them insult him than think about McGonagall wearing his body anymore.

“…Quidditch tryouts?” Weasley asked.

Thank god, they were talking about quidditch now instead.

“I haven’t quite decided yet, it depends when the DA is now, and we don’t know if Tuesdays is a permanent thing,” Potter said.

Before Severus could ask what the DA was, Albus stood up and cleared his magically amplified throat.

“If I can have your attention for a moment,” Albus paused, waiting for the students to quiet down. “Thank you. Severus you have the floor,” he said.

Severus couldn’t believe how odd it was to hear his name, but have it not refer to him.

Minerva stood up, still looking exactly like Severus ought to, and said, “Thank you Albus. I would like to announce that I am taking a leave of absence. That is all,” and sat back down.

He could tell that Minerva was deeply uncomfortable, and this, at least, brought him some measure of comfort. If he had to suffer through this, she did too.

“We wish you restful vacation. I would also like to announce that Professor Chen is taking over for Professor Snape,” he then had to pause as the Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw tables exploded into applause.

In the pause, Chen stood up, and Severus focused on trying to remember if he’d ever heard of her rather than get angry at the students’ reactions.

Once the hall quieted down again, Dumbledore said, “Would you like to say a few words, Professor Chen?”

“I would love to, thank you Albus,” she fixed her gaze on the hall, but Severus felt like she was staring at him in particular which was ridiculous, before she continued, “I have heard some- less than favorable things about your previous instructor. Hopefully I have the time to rectify the situation, and I look forward to seeing you all in class.”

The hall erupted into applause again, but Severus remained frozen in place. She had just insulted him to his face. Regardless of how you looked at it- he appeared to be at the head table, and she had made eye contact right with him.

“I am so beyond excited for her class,” Weasley said enthusiastically.

“I am so excited to actually learn potions,” Potter replied.

Severus suppressed what he’d actually like to say this and said, “When’s our first class with her?”

Potter paused briefly before saying, “Monday afternoon! Awesome we get to see her soon!”

Weasley groaned and said, “I don’t get her till Wednesday. That’s so unfair.”

“We don’t know for sure that she’ll be good,” Severus said, struggling to keep the bitterness from his voice.

Weasley scoffed, “She cannot possibly be worse than Snape.”

“Remember, Eli doesn’t know how bad Snape was,” Potter said.

“Ah, that’s right. Well. Just be happy you never had to suffer under Snape. I swear I learned more from listening to Fred and George experiment through the walls than I have in all four years of potions classes,” Weasley said.

Severus stood up before he realized what he was doing. “I just realized that I forgot my favorite quill in the library. I’m going to go see if it’s there. See y’all later.”

“Hope you find your quill!” Harry called after Eli.

“Oh god, he’s not going to be another Hermione, is he?” Ginny asked with exaggerated nervousness.

“Look on the bright side, if he is, then that’s another person to copy off of!” Harry joked.

Ginny hummed for a moment and said, “Okay yeah, that would make it worth it. Hermione doesn’t like it when we bug her too much so we can spread our harassment around so neither of them get too annoyed.”

“That’s the spirit,” Harry said.

“Speaking of Hermione, I haven’t seen her around a lot lately. Or Ron for that matter. And they’re usually both glued to you…” Ginny trailed off with a question in her eyes.

“They’re a little preoccupied with snogging each other at all times,” Harry said, rolling his eyes.

“You mean they’ve found something that Ron likes to do better than eating?” Ginny said, exaggerating the shock in her voice and placing her hands around her face like The Scream.

“I know! I could hardly believe it either. Wait- does that mean they just never told you? They at least wrote a letter to me and, hell, Ron lives with you. He never even said something over breakfast?” Harry asked incredulously.

“No!” Ginny said, “I had no idea they were dating! I kinda thought you guys were doing something insane and illegal and had to split up for it!”

“As plausible as that is,” Harry said, thinking of second year and the Polyjuice potion and, more recently, the original incarnation of the DA, “they really are dating and really intensely too.”

“The more you know, I suppose. You ready to head out?” Ginny asked taking in both their empty plates.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Harry glanced back at the head table as he went and saw that Snape was already gone. He was incredibly relieved not to have to deal with the man this year. He was stressed enough as it was, and he couldn’t imagine any professor could be more stressful than Snape was.

“Hurry up,” Ginny called when he fell behind her.

He picked up his pace and closed the distance between them and they walked out of the Great Hall together.

They walked together through a couple hallways in amicable silence.

Until they literally ran into Eli in a particularly narrow shortcut.

“Oh! Shit, sorry dude,” Ginny said as she bent over to start picking up their things that had scattered.

Harry reached down to give Eli a hand up. He ignored it and climbed to his feet on his own.

“You should watch where you’re going,” Eli said.

“I didn’t do it on purpose! Here’s your stuff,” Ginny said and handed Eli’s things to him.

“You’re not hurt, or anything are you?” Asked Harry. That would be just what he needed- to hurt the person who had just healed him today.

Eli brushed himself off and said evenly, “I’m fine. Were you heading to Gryffindor Tower?”

“Yup,” Ginny replied.

“Then I may as well walk with you, so I don’t get bowled over again,” Eli said with a bit of snark coming back into his voice.

“Bold of you to assume that I won’t deliberately trip you now,” Ginny said.

“Then I’ll have to trip you first,” Eli replied, and promptly cast a tripping hex at Ginny.

Ginny fell forward, caught herself on her forearms, agilely rolled to her side, and then to her feet all in one fluid motion.

“Live with the twins for fifteen years and see if you don’t learn how to recover from a tripping hex,” she said smugly.

Harry squashed a grin at Eli’s shocked expression. “Oh, right,” Harry said, “The twins are two of Ginny’s older brothers and they’re legendary menaces. They run a joke shop in Diagon Alley now and the Hogwarts population were their original test subjects.”

“Hey now, Ron and I were the original, original test subjects,” Ginny protested.

“I suppose that goes without saying, if they were as bad as you say they were,” Eli said.

“It should be said! I really went through it! And don’t use the past tense, they’ve only gotten worse now that they’re getting paid for it.”

They were walking down a hallway with several abandoned classrooms and broom closets that was quite popular for students looking for privacy- to either study or have privacy with someone in particular.

As Harry walked by one of the doors, it flew open forcefully, knocking him into Ginny who was right beside him.

“Whoa!” Harry exclaimed.

Malfoy stepped through the door that he had just flung into Harry. “Potter. I see you’re still getting in the way again. What, no Dogfather to-“

“Shut up, Malfoy,” Ginny spat.

“C’mon Ginny, Eli, he’s not worth it,” Harry said tugging uselessly on Ginny’s arm. She was staring at Malfoy with fury in her eyes, and Harry didn’t want her to do something that would get her in trouble.

“Eli?” Malfoy’s attention snapped from Harry and Ginny and landed on where Eli had been quietly standing, “Where did you come from? You weren’t sorted with us and you look too old to be new.”

“I transferred from Florida, in the south of the United States. It’s nice to meet you…Malfoy?” Eli said.

“You Americans truly don’t know anything about anyone do you? What’s your last name?” Malfoy demanded.

Harry did not like where this was going.

“It’s Hopkirk, but-“ Eli began, before Malfoy interrupted.

“Hopkirk? Then why do you sound so nasally? That accent is ridiculous. And besides that, I would have thought a Hopkirk would have better taste than to befriend Potty and co.”

“Eli can befriend who he wants,” Ginny snapped.

“I suppose I can’t expect much from a Gryffindor. They have notoriously poor choice in friendships. And what the hell is up with your hair, Eli? It’s like Potter’s but blonde, absolutely ridiculous. Wait, is that how you choose your friends, Potter? By looking for the people with the worst hair?”

Harry saw Eli reach up to pat his hair down, but it stubbornly bounced back up when he did. “My accent is just fine, and I was born with my hair, thank you.”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be, Malfoy?”

Malfoy sighed dramatically, “I can tell when I’m not wanted around. I suppose I’ll leave you to your bad company.” He turned away from the direction Harry and his friends were going with a dramatic flourish and quickly disappeared around a corner.

“I hadn’t expected him to give up so easily,” Ginny said curiously.

Eli frowned after where Malfoy had disappeared and said, “He probably didn’t like being alone and outnumbered- but then, why was he so antagonistic?”

“Oh, he enjoys it, he likes to keep poking at us till we snap and then find some way to pin it all on us so we’re the ones who get in trouble,” Harry informed Eli.

“There was no one around and you did have him outnumbered, you could probably have gotten away with snapping,” Eli said.

Ginny groaned, “Oh man, I bet we could have! Snape’s leaving so Malfoy would’ve probably gotten in trouble with us for once.”

“Who knows if Snape if properly gone yet? It’s probably for the best that we didn’t do anything yet, at least until we confirm that Snape is really gone,” Harry said.

“I suppose there is always next time,” Ginny said.

“Is he always like that then?” Eli asked and tapped his hand on a random door as they walked by.

“Pretty much,” Harry confirmed, “He’s got a special vendetta against me that started in our first year, but it’s just gotten worse over the years. If the prat would just leave me alone, I’d be happy to ignore him, but he always insists on harassing me.”

Ginny snorted, “Malfoy ignoring you. That’s a good one. Snape will have a civil conversation with you before that will happen.”

Eli coughed violently.

Then they heard a loud rattling and muffled shouting from behind the door Eli had tapped. They stopped and turned around.

“What was that?” Ginny asked.

There was another burst of rattling and shouting.

“I think someone’s trapped in that room!” Harry exclaimed, rushing over to the door.

This close to door, Harry was finally able to discern who the voices belonged to and what they were saying.

“Oh my god, it’s Ron and Hermione and they’re trapped,” Harry said as he rattled the doorknob.

This was all the door needed to open, it seemed, because Ron and Hermione fell into the hallway through the now open door. They looked terrible and didn’t smell all that great either.

“What happened to you?” Ginny asked incredulously.

“We have been locked in there all day, with no food at all,” Ron said.

Harry chuckled, of course that would be the part Ron would focus on.

“I think the door got stuck behind us when we went in and we tried everything we could think of to open it that wouldn’t be dangerous to us- though we were getting close to trying our riskier ideas, when we heard one of you tap the door,” Hermione expanded.

“That was me, but what were you doing out here anyways?” Eli said.

Ron turned a beet red.

Hermione glanced at Ron and said, “We just wanted somewhere private to study. And it’s been a very long day without food or a bathroom, so we’re going to go down to the kitchens and get some food then shower. We can catch up afterwards?”

“That sounds good,” Harry said.

“Yeah I want to hear more about this ‘studying’ you were doing,” Ginny said with a smirk.

Ron and Hermione slipped past the three of them and headed towards the kitchen, their swinging hands occasionally grazing. Harry didn’t know who they thought they were fooling by not openly holding hands and rolled his eyes at their antics.

Harry, Ginny, and Eli returned to their walk to the common room.

“By the way, Eli,” Harry said, “Are you alright? That was a nasty cough you had earlier.”

“Yes, I’m alright, I just had something in my throat.” Eli managed to say after another moment.

Harry tossed another concerned glance at Eli. “If you’re sure, we could take you to the hospital wing, if you need to go.”

He fixed Harry with a look and raised an eyebrow, “Are you really in a position to suggest I go to the hospital wing?”

Harry quickly looked away and saw Ginny looking between them curiously.

“Eli, how have you already encountered Harry’s hospital wing avoiding tendencies? It better not be what I think it is.”

“I think you know that it is what you think it is,” Eli said.

“It wasn’t that big of a deal,” Harry said as they entered the corridor the entrance to the common room was on. “How long do you think the Fat Lady has been trying to break that glass for?”

Ginny nudged him with her shoulder, “Nice subject change.”

At nearly the same time, Eli said, “The Fat Lady? It feels rude to call someone that to their face.”

The Fat Lady called down the corridor, “I chose that name specifically so twig bitches like you wouldn’t call me that behind my back. And I’ve done it before, this glass is just stubborn.”

“Huh,” Ginny said, “I did not know that.”

Eli said, “I suppose that’s one way to avoid name calling.”

“Think I should go by Scarhead, then?” Harry asked as they gave the password to the Fat Lady and climbed into the common room.

Ginny replied with a voice dripping with mock sincerity and humor, “Unfortunately for you, Malfoy is the only one who calls you that, and I doubt that would be enough of a deterrent to get him to stop.”

The three of them sat down at a table and continued to banter well into the evening.