To his great surprise, Severus fell asleep quickly that night and was brought into a series of memories. The first was after 5th year potions class last year.

"Dad, I'm sure it's nothing," Harry complained as he pulled his arm out of Severus's grasp. "Clearly I got hit by something during the match last week, it's no big deal." It had been 4 days since the Gryffindor Quidditch team beat Slytherin in the final match and several of the bruises were not only still present but at least 3 new bruises had shown up without Harry knowing where they came from. As much as Severus wanted to brush it off, his intuition was telling him something was wrong."I really don't care what you think about it, you need to go back to the hospital wing. This is not a normal reaction for an injury like this," Severus lectured. He really hated the Gryffindor attitude Harry favored. Even though Harry hadn't needed to take care of himself by himself in the past 4 years, it was still a reaction ingrained in him from his early neglected childhood. "I'll write you a note to excuse your next class, but you are to go straight to Madam Pomfrey and have her check it. I'll know if you've been there or not. "

Severus tossed and turned as the memory changed now to a small room at St. Mungo's.

Harry was sitting on the small exam table waiting to hear what the Healer was going to tell them. Madam Pomfrey couldn't find anything that would cause the Quidditch bruises to last as long as they were. Five days and 2 massive nosebleeds later, Harry was back in the Hospital Wing this time with Severus by his side. When Madam Pomfrey still couldn't find a cause, they were sent to a Healer at St. Mungo's, hopefully for some answers."I'm sure it's nothing Dad. People get nosebleeds all the time," Harry said only half believing it as the Healer came back into the room.

Everything got fuzzy around the dream as Severus's anxiety increased, knowing what was about to happen Only select words could be heard from the Healer around the room "Leukemia... Cancer in his blood... Very rare for a wizard... Two treatment options... Chemotherapy is what muggles use... specialty wizard potions, but they're untested." Severus looked over at Harry and knew he'd never forget fear in those piercing emerald eyes...

Suddenly the dream went dark, so dark Severus couldn't see his hand in front of him. Starting to worry, he heard Harry's voice coming from the air above him, "It's my life we're talking about! I should have a say in it!"... "You're still a child, at the end of the day the decision is mine and I don't think risking your life is worth it!" He heard himself say knowing exactly what this conversation was. This was the infamous crossroad, they had no idea the impact this decision would make. "I know you don't want to hear it, but the possibility of losing your magical signature is absolutely better then losing your life. You're doing the chemotherapy." As he listened to the argument he realized that was his mistake. He should have discussed, not demanded. Maybe then, Harry would have seen his anger had come from his concern."Absolutely not!" Harry yelled. "I'll refuse. You can't seriously think everyone will be ok with you forcefully taking me when I'm almost 16 years old. Seriously, you're a renowned potion master if anyone can beat this with potions you can." In the end, Severus didn't sleep the night after that argument. Instead he spent every minute researching and finally finding something he thought could work. Only it didn't work in the end. Sure, things seemed positive the first 3 months and then they made adjustments and again things were going well for another 6 months until all of sudden it wasn't. At that point, things were too far gone to fix.

The scene changed to Harry's bedroom in their dungeon quarters. Harry was laying underneath the green bedspread, it was his absolute favorite because of how soft and plush it was. Severus was sitting in a comfortable armchair next to the bed watching Harry closely... Waiting, not daring to move. The enchanted window showed a crescent moon over the lake. Very calm, the exact opposite of what Severus felt inside. Memory Severus turned around when he heard the door open and saw Sirius and Molly approach the bed. Playing out like a silent movie was fine because Severus knew what was said. This happened only last week and was one of the worst days of Severus's life, even worse than when he heard that Lily died. Molly asked how Harry was and if Severus needed anything placing her hand comfortingly on his shoulder, but in the end they all just stood by, watching and waiting for the inevitable...

Severus suddenly woke up, his head pounding and his heart racing, a slight sweat building up on his forehead, instantly regretting the decision to not take the Dreamless Sleep last night. It took a minute for his head to clear enough to realize he was in his bedroom in his Hogwarts quarters. The events from the last 24 hours hit him hard as a wave of grief passed through him. Deciding he was not going to be able to go back to sleep, he got up to shower and get ready for the day.

He almost didn't know what to do when he entered the kitchen 30 minutes later. There were no potions to prepare, no special breakfast to make, no one to check on. If he tried hard enough, he could almost imagine that it was a normal Thursday before all this happened and Harry was simply up in Gryffindor tower sleeping amongst the other 6th-year boys.

Pouring himself a cup of coffee, a morning ritual he started after late nights sitting up with Harry that he could never see dropping, he sat down at the small table with the latest Potions journal to start catching up on news he missed. Not being able to focus, he summoned some parchment, a quill, and ink bottle to start the list of things that needed to be done before he started classes again on Monday:

- Meet with Headmaster about Monday

- Meet with Slughorn about class syllabus'

- Inventory ingredients

- Diagon Alley to replenish as needed

- Clean out office

- Clean out Harry's room

Rubbing his hand down his face, he then crossed off the last one. He couldn't do that yet. Committing to at least start it before he went back to teaching classes, he considered asking Ron and Hermione if they'd like to take a look through it first. With another hard sigh he decided that as much as he hated to admit it, Sirius should also stop by to look through it.

The enchanted window at the far end of the sitting room showed the first rays of sun peeking into the sky. If he wanted to, he could head up to the Great Hall for breakfast. Harry's letter about not isolating himself in his quarters rang through his ears and he resisted the urge to order breakfast from the house elves. He stood up, cleaned out his coffee cup the muggle way just for something to keep his mind busy and then walked out his door heading towards the Great Hall. He just wanted to get this over with.

Severus was happy to see that this early on a Thursday, the Great Hall was mostly empty. Draco Malfoy was sitting alone at the Slytherin table as he had always been an early riser. A couple Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs came strolling in as he took his seat at the head table trying his best to avoid glancing towards the Gryffindor table. If he did that, his imaginary world of Harry simply sleeping in his tower would shatter even though Harry would never be up before 7am.

Sitting to his left was Minerva McGonagall and she didn't even try to hide her look of concern.

"Good morning Severus," she greeted him trying her best to sound like it was a normal day. "I didn't get to tell you yesterday, but everything was beautiful," she paused as she caught his warning eyes. "Have you reconsidered Albus' offer to take the rest of the year off?"

"I will not be taking much more time off. In fact, I'm going to speak with the Headmaster this morning about my return on Monday. The only reason I'm not back today is to give me time to speak with Slughorn," he tried not to sound angry with her. He understood she was trying to help and he's never had any issues with Minerva in the past but navigating through this new reality was bound to take some adjusting for everyone.

He filled his plate with porridge, fruit, and yoghurt as the noise in the Great Hall started to increase with students arriving to start their normal day. With the school year coming to an end, students would be talking about end-of-year exams, O.W.L.s and N.E. already completed, and summer plans. Maybe it's time to sell the house on Spinner's End?' he thought as he was contemplating his own summer plans, Harry was the only reason I kept it. I don't know what he loved about that house so much.

He was brought out of his thoughts by the headmaster sitting down on the other side of Minerva already in conversation. "... excused Mr. Weasley and Miss. Granger for today," the Headmaster said to Minerva. Severus could only assume he was giving Ron Hermione an excused absence.

"Hello Severus, it's nice to see you out and about this morning," Albus greeted much too cheerfully for Severus's mood even if this were any other normal day.

"Hello Albus. I need to speak with you this morning," Severus got to the point seeing no need to drag on the inevitable. "It's about my schedule for the rest of the year."

"I'm going to assume you haven't decided to take more time off," he said nonchalantly. "All the better for us, I guess. Not that the students would say so. I imagine they're quite enjoying Horace's level of work. Stop by my office after breakfast if that works for you."

Severus just barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes at his mentor. "Of course," he simply said.

"Oh and Severus, I think we should continue discussing that matter I mentioned yesterday... the red potion?"

"No, we absolutely won't!" He yelled looking around as all eyes in the Great Hall were now focused on him.

Having deemed himself in the presence of people for an appropriate amount of time and wanting to cool off before meeting Albus in his office, he stood to leave. In doing so, he looked straight ahead just as Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville were walking in for breakfast. He met their eyes and got lost in the grief on their faces. Taking a deep breath, he turned and walked out the staff doorway, conveniently he wouldn't have to pass by the group of Gryffindors.

An hour later, after taking a brisk walk outside to clear his head, Severus was heading towards the Headmaster's office. He had decided to stop by his quarters to grab the phial of red potion with every intention of returning it.

"Sugar Quills," Severus said and the stone gargoyle stepped aside. Riding the circular stairs up he was determined not to put up with any of the Headmaster's meddling. He reached the outer door and knocked.

"Come in Severus," he heard from the other side.

Entering the office he confidently took a seat in the single chair across from Albus who was sitting proudly at his desk.

Wanting to get this over with and move on Severus said, "I'll be picking up all my classes again on Monday. I just need to sit down with Slughorn after he's done with his last one today so I'm up to date on their work. I may need to replenish my ingredients to my standards this weekend but I don't foresee any issues coming up that would prevent me from working Monday," he clinically explained.

After a second he added, "Thank you for the flexibility this year, especially the last month or so. It was much appreciated to be able to help as much as Harry needed it and keep him here which is more comfortable than Spinners End."

Albus gave himself a couple seconds to gather his thoughts, looking deeply at the man in front of him wondering how it's possible someone so young could already have suffered through all he has.

"Severus," he started treading carefully through this conversation. "I applaud your ability to just jump back in and I stand by my statement that we'll all be happy to have you back in front of the classes," he didn't miss the small hmph that escaped Severus's mouth at that statement. "If you need anything, my boy, just say the word. And no need to thank me, I just wish there was more we could do. The world lost a good young man far too soon."

He paused to give Severus time to react hoping he could finally get through to him. When nothing else was said he continued, "Sirius is here and wants to stop by your quarters today before leaving. He's visiting with Minerva during her free periods. If you don't get a chance to see him, I'm sure he'll stop by your quarters before heading out."

"I'll be sure to be on the lookout for him," Severus said sarcastically, pulling out the phial of red potion from his robes. "I don't know what this is, but you can have it back."

"Ah, I'm glad you brought this up! I'll be honest with you, I wasn't sure how to approach the subject again myself, " Albus said as he met Severus's eyes. "Aren't you a little bit curious, if for no other reason than just for professional exploration?"

A small hiss escaped the potions professor's mouth, "If you think enticing me with academia will make me open whatever you think this is, you've really lost it."

"I'm just trying to give you an option and open your eyes to a possibility you could never have thought existed," Albus explained whimsically. "All I ask is 10 minutes Severus. If after I'm through you want to walk away, then there is no harm. But just think, what if what I'm going to tell you helps to heal that pain deep inside you. That pain you never knew could even happen."

Severus wanted to walk away, but he sat there thinking hard about the consequences of staying. Could it really do anymore harm?

"You have 5 minutes to tell me what this is and why I shouldn't immediately shatter that phial. It has dark magic written all over it." Eyeing the phial with a grimace on his face but never one to turn away from a puzzle.

"That's all I ask," Albus said looking over his half-moon spectacles. "I've made some mistakes in my long life, Severus, plenty that I wish I could change. One such mistake led me on a search to see if anyone has developed a way to do so.

"That search brought me to many wise witches and wizards. Given my brief time constraint you're requiring, if you'd like more information on my search just let me know it would be a lovely story to tell over tea," Albus paused for dramatic effect and this time Severus couldn't resist the eye roll.

"What you need to know is that this potion can do that for you. It can allow you to change that moment in time when you can most impact the outcome. Isn't that what you want?" This time Albus's eyes twinkled ferociously at Severus's black eyes. "All you need is one drop of blood from the person who will use it. And then of course to drink it."

The Potion Master looked down, his long black hair covering his face. This is absolutely insane. I can't honestly consider this. He argued to himself.

After a minute in silence, he finally asked, "And what are the effects, should I be considering this wild idea?"

"Again, it's not widely known but you can't undo the decision and you won't know what the new world will be like until you're there," Albus replied giving a small smile. "Just hold onto this phial, you deserve it much more than I."

Albus held out the phial and with a slight pause, Severus took it, stood up, and promptly left the office.

Back in his quarters, Severus took off his robes and hung them by the door. He walked into the sitting room and placed the phial back on the table in front of the worn sofa.

Staring at the sofa he was brought into one of the many memories of Harry asleep on that same sofa. On nights when the pain was at its worst, they would come out to the living room and play chess regardless of the time. Harry had gotten extremely good at the game after countless nights playing. Eventually, Harry's eyes would grow heavy with sleep and he would then fall asleep on this sofa until the afternoon if he was lucky.

Trying to shake that memory away, Severus sat down on the sofa and unbuttoned the sleeves of his white button-down shirt and rolled the sleeves up. All of sudden he felt too claustrophobic in the sitting room. He closed his eyes trying to focus on his occlumency shields to help calm the thoughts in his mind. Lately, that was the only way he was still functioning; by pushing the intrusive thoughts as far away in his mind as he could.

Unfortunately, this time he just couldn't do it. With his elbows propped on his knees, his head cradled in his hands he couldn't stop the tears from falling. His heart felt like it was literally breaking apart and like the tears, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't keep the sobs away. Feeling like he couldn't draw in enough air to satisfy his lungs, he broke down with gut wrenching sobs.

After feeling completely raw and wanting to find something else to do, he stood up and walked to the fireplace. Hanging his head low, he picked up the picture to the left of the one from Harry's adoption day. The one showed the messy-haired teenager on his 15th birthday. He had a party at the Burrow a couple days after this photograph was taken, but this one was from the small gathering they had at their Spinners End home with Sirius Remus on his actual birthday.

In front of the Harry in this picture was a small cupcake with a single candle on it. Harry had a wide smile on his face because he was just happy to have people around to celebrate. Severus realized almost immediately after taking guardianship of Harry the summer after 1st year, he preferred smaller gatherings and therefore always had just a small celebration on his actual birthday. It started as just the two of them and then grew to include Remus before his 3rd year, and then grudgingly Sirius too when he was proven innocent of his crimes in the summer before 4th year. Severus watched the picture as Harry blew out the candle.

He could remember it like it was yesterday. The smell of Harry's favorite meal they had just finished, the sounds of laughter as Sirius, in his immature fashion, pushed the cupcake into Harry's face as he was about to eat it, and the sight of Harry just so relaxed, safe, and happy.

He fell to his knees in despair and all of a sudden the glass on the frame shattered. Unsure if it was from uncontrolled magic or just gripping too hard - and then realizing it didn't matter - he looked down to see the large, deep cut across his palm, the blood starting to pool on his open hand. This is too easy he thought as the Headmaster's words rang through his head

All you need is one drop of blood from the person who will use it. And then of course to drink it.

Looking down at his injured bleeding hand a million thoughts went through his mind - nothing good can come of this. I gave up the dark arts years ago, it's only ruined my life. Why would this be any different? But then Albus never said it was dark arts, he never said it wasn't either though. How could this not be considered dark magic?

Later, he would look back at this as a moment of weakness, but standing in his quarters feeling like he had no way forward, he put down what was left of the picture frame and picked up the phial. Removing the cork carefully, he held his hand over the phial and watched as a drop of blood hit the surface of the red potion with a sizzle and it started to smoke. All I have to do is drink this and I'll get my second chance. It's that easy. What else do I have here? Lily's gone, Harry's gone, I have nothing left.

He carefully held the potion to his lips and tipped it back so the surprisingly smooth liquid poured into his mouth. He was caught off guard on how awful such a smooth potion could taste. Swallowing quickly, he coughed and suddenly felt like fire was erupting from his stomach. Serves me right to die after drinking an unknown potion, I know better than this.

As quickly as the pain started, it stopped and Severus stood in front of the fireplace scared to even breathe. What was supposed to happen? Would he turn around and be back in time? How does this work exactly? How could he not ask something as simple as that?!

He jumped as he heard a knock at the door.

"I know you're in there Severus!" Came the annoying voice of one, Sirius Black, through the heavily warded door.

Looking around the sitting room, nothing was out of place. The broken picture and frame was still on the floor where he had dropped it. Even the broken glass of firewhiskey and phial of Dreamless Sleep were still there from the night before. With a wave of his ebony wand, the glass was banished to the rubbish bin and the picture frame repaired for the second time in as many days.

"Give me a minute!" He yelled back at the door. He wanted to be sure nothing had actually happened before opening the door and dealing with the one person he absolutely didn't want to see that day.

Grabbing a nearby quill, he transfigured it into a bandage and quickly wrapped his still bleeding hand. He walked briskly towards his room, peeking into Harry's room and not finding anything out of place, everything exactly the same as he left it that morning. Walking into the kitchen, again not seeing anything different than before, he started to question the sanity of Albus Dumbledore. Obviously the potion didn't work as expected and there was no way he was going to admit such to the Headmaster. He shouldn't have drank the stupid thing anyways.

"Would you open this door now?! I've been out here for ages!" Sirius screamed on the other side of the door.

"You are fine," Severus called out as he opened the door and stepped to the side allowing Sirius into his quarters. "What can I do for you Black?"

"Not much, I was in the area and thought it'd be kind of rude of me not to stop by," Sirius said while walking into the kitchen and sitting at the small table. "I thought we could, you know, have lunch or something?"

As a spy in his previous profession, Severus could see right through Sirius's lie. He could see the uneasiness in Sirius's eyes and knew the real reason was because he had spent every day in the dungeons until last week and he didn't know what else to do. This was the ultimate confirmation that the red potion changed absolutely nothing. He couldn't help but feel disappointed.

"I'll order some sandwiches," Severus finally conceded. After the failed red potion, he figured he could use the distraction as well. He turned around to head back to the sitting room and the floo to order lunch.

Two hours later, after eating their turkey sandwiches, crisps, fruit, and tea, both men moved into the sitting room for a glass of firewhiskey.

"So, when are you going back to classes?" Sirius asked after they had discussed every other innocuous topic.

Severus sighed, "Monday. I'm scheduled for a quick discussion with Slughorn tonight and then I'll jump back in first thing Monday morning."

"What about this summer? Any big plans?" Another questionably safe topic but definitely skirting the line.

"I've got some research projects to finish to maintain my Potions Mastery that were put on hold last summer and I thought about getting the house ready to sell," he said honestly, not really sure why he was telling this to Sirius Black of all people.

"Oh, well... It sounds like you've got a good plan in place," Sirius looked down trying not to sound as pathetic as he thought he must. "I'm not sure what to do," he said honestly. "It's not like Harry lived with me or anything, but most of the small amount of time I've known him..." Sirius paused off having broken the seal on the taboo topic.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose. No, this is not the conversation I want to have with him.

"Maybe... Oh I don't know!" He finally yelled much harsher than he expected. While the subject had been broached, he said "I'm going to start looking through Harry's room this weekend. I can't help with your summer plans, but I wouldn't turn you away if you wanted to stop by and help. Same goes for Spinners End once term is over here." There... He'd said it.

Sirius took a large sip of his firewhiskey, "Um... Yeah, that'd be great. Thank you... for everything."

They both sat there in silence, neither attempting to look the other in the eye sipping their glasses of firewhiskey.

By the time Severus made it back to his quarters that night, after dinner and his meeting with Slughorn, he thought it had to be one of the longest days of his life. He knew it actually wasn't, by far, but he was more than ready to go to sleep. Getting into his sensible black pyjamas, he searched his cabinets for Dreamless Sleep knowing that it would be needed tonight.

After an extensive search and finding none, he remembered that all his portions were in Harry's room. Why can't at least one thing today be easy he questioned angrily heading out of his room into Harry's. Trying not to look around, he went to the lavatory and searched through the variety of potions until he came to the familiar purple one. The addictive qualities of the Dreamless Sleep didn't matter much for Harry in the end when they were only making sure he was as comfortable as possible, especially to sleep.

Grabbing the phial and opening it in one swift movement, he brought it to his lips and drank it. He looked around, shook his head in defeat and walked out making it only as far as Harry's four poster bed. Climbing into the bed, right on top of the green plush bedspread, his head nestled on the soft pillow, he promptly fell asleep.