Raising a toddler was something Severus Snape was certain he was not cut out to do. He was only twenty-two, for Merlin’s sake! If he had been still working on his mastery, he absolutely would have refused to take on the task of raising James Potter’s son. Absolutely. One hundred percent. The little tyke took on too many of his father’s traits. He was spoiled. He cried too much. He was loud. He liked to pull Severus’s hair.

CRASH!!!

And he had a penchant for destroying Severus’s things.

This would be the fifth time this week Harry had managed to open the kitchen cabinets despite them being warded shut. Five times! Five! It was absurd! How in Merlin’s name was he doing this! Had Severus, in his very much sleep deprived state, not warded the cabinets correctly? He very much doubted it but couldn’t help but wonder how the boy was getting into them so easily.

Perhaps he should break down and buy the muggle childproofing locks?

Severus snorted at the thought. In all likelihood, Potter would manage to find a way to bypass them as well and make even more of a mess. At least it was only the pots and pans; all of the more hazardous objects were well and truly out of the boy’s reach and he hadn’t figured out yet that there was a hidden entrance to the potion’s lab (though Severus kept that warded just in case).

“Harry James Potter!” Severus roared as he entered the kitchen to find the two year old sitting on the floor surrounded by pots and pans. “What are you doing!”

“Pway dwums!” Harry said, proceeding to bang the pots and pans with a wooden spoon he had managed to find in a cacophony of noise capable of waking a sleeping dragon in Romania.

“No!” Severus said with a growl and a glare. “We don’t play drums with the kitchen utensils!”

Whatever response Severus was expecting, it was not what he got. He had on his meanest glare, one which would send first years running from his sight. He knew he looked angry. He had yelled at the boy. So why in the world was he now laughing.

“Don’ pway dwums wif kitten tensils,” Harry said in a slightly lower tone and attempting to glare before laughing hysterically. “Say ‘gain, Sebbus! Say ‘gain!”

“I will not repeat myself for your pleasure.”

“Ah not peat sewf por pweasure!” Harry mimicked, continuing to try and glare back only to go cross eyed as he giggled.

“Cease this tomfoolery at once!” Severus said, raising his voice slightly once more in hopes of scaring the boy.

“SA DA DADADA!!” Harry screamed back, laughing so hard tears were falling down his face as he pushed himself up and tried to mimic Severus’s stance.

Severus sighed defeatedly before spelling the pots and pans back into their respective places in the cabinet and quickly snagging the toddler who immediately began trying to open the once again warded doors.

“Absolutely not,” he said, carrying the small boy to the living room and setting him on the small chair in the corner. “You will sit there for two minutes. I’ve told you multiple times not to do that, so now you are going in time-out.”

Harry looked up at his guardian in shock before immediately tearing up and whining as he tried to get off of the chair. No matter how hard he tried, however, he couldn’t manage to get his bottom off of the chair! He was well and truly stuck.

Severus quickly threw up a silencing spell around the child and set a timer for himself to free the boy when the allotted time was up. He then grabbed a book and settled himself in his armchair and pretended to read while in actuality watching the theatrics unfold on the other side of the room. Potter was silently screaming and wailing and trying to tip the chair over. It was his own fault really; he had to learn somehow that he was not above the rules.

‘No,’ Severus thought, ‘I am not cut out to be a father.’

---

Every night was a struggle trying to convince the wretched toddler to go to bed. He would be fine all the way up until night time, even happily taking a bath and brushing his teeth, but once he was actually in bed he refused to stay there. Severus caught him trying to slide down the stairs every night as he tried to escape the confines of his room. He would pretend to be asleep, wait patiently for Severus to go downstairs, then he would quietly climb out of bed and try to join his guardian.

Every night for months they went through the same routine of Harry getting out of bed and Severus putting him back only for Harry to try doing this several more times. Evenings used to be Severus’s favorite time; a time to unwind and reflect on the day while enjoying a small glass of whiskey and a good book. Now, however, he spent the first few hours of his night corralling a toddler in a bedroom until the boy was exhausted enough to pass out.

He had debated locking the child in his room, but even putting a baby gate in front of the door hadn’t prevented Potter from escaping. In fact, he had stood in front of the gait and screamed bloody murder while shaking it until the gait finally fell away from its anchor points and crashed to the ground.

It was exhausting and stressful and he hated having to do this every single night.

“Harry,” Severus said warningly, not even looking up from his book as he heard the soft pitter patter of the toddler’s feet on the landing. “Go back to bed.”

“No!” Harry said, stamping his feet before turning and sliding down the stairs on his belly. “Don’ wanna!”

Severus sighed and put down his book for the fourth time that night. Night times had been difficult since Harry had moved in, but it had gotten worse as he had gotten older and more mobile.

“Too bad, you’re going to bed!” Severus said, exasperatedly.

“Pwease no!” Harry tried begging, eyes brimming with tears.

“Harry, it’s nearly ten. Your bedtime was two hours ago,” Severus said as he picked the wayward toddler up once more and began to climb the stairs. He could see the bags forming under the boys eyes and knew it wouldn’t be long before he finally gave up and slept, but he knew this would repeat tomorrow night. “Why don’t you like going to bed?”

Harry sniffled and lay his head against Severus’s chest before murmuring “Gween.”

“Do you want your bed to be green?” Severus asked as they entered the small boy’s room. He had tried to keep it as neutral as he could to hopefully not influence the boy’s future house in any way; his personal hatred of red and gold notwithstanding. The room itself was a simple, beige room with light blue curtains and light blue bedding. Easy enough to change if that’s what the boy wanted.

Honestly, he’d be willing to make the entire room up to look like the Gryffindor dorms if it meant Harry would go to bed and stay there.

Harry shook his head and sniffled once more, rubbing his forehead as though he had a headache.

“What’s green then?” Severus said, sitting the boy on his bed and covering him up once more.

“Mumma gween,” Harry murmured so softly at first Severus was almost unsure he heard it correctly but quickly turning into a wail. “Dada gween. Sebbus no gween! NO GWEEN SEBBUS!”

Oh.

Oh.

“Oh, Harry,” Severus said, quickly picking the wailing boy up and holding him close as his own tears threatened to form. “You’re safe here. It’s ok. You’re safe.”

“NO GWEEN!” Harry continued to scream and cling desperately to Severus’s chest. “NO GWEEN!”

“Is that why you have to come downstairs every night?” Severus said softly as he rubbed the sobbing toddler’s back. “To make sure I’m not … green?”

Harry nodded miserably and continued muttering under his breath before turning and wiping his nose on Severus’s lapel. With a sigh and a sniff of his own, Severus pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped the boy’s nose and face before gently placing him back on the bed and covering him back up.

“I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep, alright?” Severus said, rubbing the small, quivering back under the covers.

A few moments later, Harry took a shuddering breath and sighed as he finally fell asleep. Of course he would remember that night. It was barely over a year ago now that his parents had been murdered as they prepared to put him to bed for the night. Of course he would remember it. Severus certainly did.

‘No,’ Severus thought mournfully as he poured himself a much larger glass of whiskey than usual. ‘I am not cut out to be a father.’

---

“Sevvus? Sevvus?” Harry’s voice called from the back garden.

He had only been out there playing for a short time, though Severus hoped he would be out there for at least the afternoon so he could get caught up with at least some of the brewing for the upcoming school year. After taking a year’s sabbatical to get more acquainted with having a child in the house, Severus had almost forgotten the work that went into teaching potions at a school such as Hogwarts.

He had to brew not only for the hospital wing but also for the emergency stores in the classroom. He had to be prepared for the worst possible mistakes a student could make with the potions that were planned for in the curriculum and have antidotes to the most dangerous of these on hand at all times during the actual brewing process. It was a long, tedious process to try and work out where the worst mistakes could occur and then come up with an antidote for it.

All he needed were a few free afternoons and he could get the majority of his work done, but first he had to figure out what ingredients he needed.

“Sevvus?” Harry called once more.

“What?!” Severus finally responded, slamming his quill on the desk and throwing open the window which looked over the back garden.

“Can she stay?” Harry said innocently, pointing at something next to him.

Severus groaned; he didn’t have time for imaginary friends right now. If Harry wanted to play with his own imagination, he most certainly could do so without involving Severus in it. In fact, if he wanted to play with his own imagination, it was perfectly fine in Severus’s book as it would keep him busy and out of the way. It would be nice if he had some real friends his own age, but Severus knew that would come when he started nursery school in the autumn.

“Yes, yes, she can stay,” Severus said flippantly, closing the window most of the way but keeping it cracked enough he would be able to hear if Harry was getting into trouble.

“Thanks, Sevvus!” Harry called back as the window shut.

Not thirty minutes later, Harry once again called for Severus to come to the window, though this time he was much less calm sounding. In fact, he sounded frightened enough that Severus immediately checked the wards to make sure no one had breached them. He hadn’t heard anything enter the garden, nor had he heard Harry fall and injure himself. Surely it couldn’t be anything too dangerous!

He had been methodical in checking the garden for any potential hazards before he ever let Harry outside. The stairs were even warded to make sure he couldn’t trip and fall down them or, worse yet, try to jump off them and miss the landing. Anything short of a bomb going off in the backyard was warded against, so what in Merlin’s name had Harry gotten into that had frightened him so badly?

“Sevvus?!” Harry screamed once more as Severus flew down the stairs and out into the back garden, ingredient lists temporarily forgotten.

“What is it Harry?” Severus said as he bounded down the stairs out of the house.

“She say dewe’s a wat unda da house!” Harry cried, pointing towards a small hole under the back stairs.

“A what?” Severus asked, heart calming as he saw Harry wasn’t in immediate danger.

“A big wat!” Harry insisted before going over to the hole and trying to reach in to grab the apparent rat from its nest.

Severus quickly grabbed the boy away from the hole and checked his arms to make sure he hadn’t been bitten by anything. The last thing he needed was to have to explain a rat bite to the children’s healer when they went next week for Harry’s annual check up. It would be even worse if they had to go to St. Mungo’s for treatment as an infected rat bite on the Boy-Who-Lived would certainly draw unwanted attention.

“Harry, if there is a rat under there, don’t go trying to grab it with your bare hands,” Severus admonished as he prepared to summon the offending animal out from it’s nest and banish it.

“But she say is not weally a wat!” Harry said, trying to push past his guardian and look into the hole, feeling more comfortable now that he wasn’t alone outside with the rat. “I wanna see it!”

“You just said it is a rat?” Severus said, frowning in confusion. Following Harry’s conversations was so hit or miss sometimes he felt as though he were slowly losing his mind, a feeling he had been told was completely normal when dealing with young children.

“She say is wat but not wat wat,” Harry said kneeling by the hole and yelling into it. “COME OUT WAT!!!”

Severus frowned at the wording of the statement. Who was ‘she’ and what did he mean by ‘not a rat rat?’ It either was a rat or it wasn’t.

“Harry, who is she?” Severus asked, pulling the toddler away from the hole once more as he got too close for comfort.

Harry smiled a wide, toothy smile before running towards the bushes which lined the back gate. “I get! She nice!”

Severus quickly put a barrier in front of the hole under the house and raised an eyebrow as the boy climbed under one of the bushes for a moment. What on earth was he doing under there, digging for earthworms? Making a mud pie? Whatever the case may be, he was certainly going to need a bath before bed tonight.

“Hewe she is!” Harry said, crawling back out from under the bushes, a black and white adder wrapped around his neck.

It was all Severus could do to not immediately kill the snake and rip it away from Harry. It didn’t seem to be doing anything other than basking in the warmth of the sun and the boy’s skin. In fact, it seemed to be eyeing him up with the same trepidation he was looking at it with, though perhaps he was anthropomorphizing it a bit.

“Harry,” Severus croaked, trying to sound calm and failing. “Come here child. Slowly, if you would. That snake is venomous and could hurt you very badly.”

Harry shook his head before looking at the snake and smiling. “Nuh-uh! She nice! She tol’ me she not huwt me!”

Severus smiled slightly, though mostly in disbelief. Had it been a grass snake, he would have played along without worry, but as it was an adder and Harry was so small… He didn’t want to think of the possibilities of what could happen.

“Harry, please stop playing around. I don’t want you to get hurt!” Severus said, inching slightly closer in hopes of getting a better shot on the snake wrapped around Harry’s neck. He didn’t want to stun them both, but if that’s what it came to…

Harry huffed and turned to the snake before hissing for a short time. The snake then flicked its tongue against his nose and slowly crawled down his arm before dropping to the ground below and slithering back under the bushes. “See? No huwt!”

Severus dropped to his knees in front of Harry in shock.

‘No,’ he thought as his mind whirled with the possibilities of how Harry came by that gift. ‘I am not cut out to be a father.’

---

It was supposed to be a fun outing in London. They were going to go to a few muggle stores for some clothing and food, then they would go to Diagon Alley for ice cream and to buy some more age appropriate books for Harry to work on reading. Having just turned five, Severus was quite impressed by his desire to learn to read as well as how he pushed himself to try new things. He had already completed every potion in the children’s potions set he had received for his birthday a month ago but now wanted to learn how to actually read the brewing instructions rather than having someone read them to him. And who was Severus to deny him that?

Of course, their plans rather rapidly derailed when they got to the first shop and Harry realized they had to do the un-fun things first. It hadn’t been a full blown tantrum, a fact Severus was greatly thankful for, but it had left Harry moping and in a mood as Severus dragged him from store to store and forced him to try on various pieces of clothing. Harry had been growing like a weed and there were only so many times a piece of clothing could be resized before the fabric would give out.

By the time they made it out of the last shop, Harry had a deep frown line across the bridge of his nose and had his bottom lip stuck so far out a snidget could have landed on it.

“Enough pouting,” Severus said calmly as he shrunk the last of their purchases discreetly and shoved them into his pocket. “What would you like to eat?”

“Nothin’” Harry grumbled as he kicked a rock into the street before his stomach growled loudly.

Severus raised an eyebrow at the sound. “I do believe your stomach says otherwise, so what sounds good to you?”

“I dunno,” Harry said, frown deepening. He wasn’t fond of shopping normally, and muggle shopping was just so … boring. None of the patterns moved, he had to try on all of the clothes first rather than being fitted for something, and the shops were all so bland compared to the ones in Diagon Alley.

“Well, if you did know, what would you like?” Severus said, a smirk growing on his face as he led the way down the street.

“Fish and chips?” Harry asked, mouth starting to water as they approached a chip shop. The smell of greasy fried foods permeating the air. “Please?”

“Fish and chips it is,” Severus said, turning them towards the shop and opening the door for his ward. Normally he wouldn’t indulge Harry in his love of fried foods, but he was actually trying to behave today. After his initial fit, he had been quite surly, but he had done as he was told and they had managed to finish the boring shopping in a reasonable amount of time. If it took greasy food to allow that behavior to continue, then so be it.

Unfortunately for them, as soon as they opened the door they were greeted by the wailing of another child roughly Harry’s age in the midst of an almighty tantrum.

“Oh Diddidums! Mummy’s sorry, it’s going to take them time to make more chips!” A rail thin woman was simpering to the screaming child as what Severus presumed to be the whale of a boy’s father yelled at the poor girl behind the counter for not having enough chips at the ready for a large order.

“MUMMY! I WANT MY CHIPS NOW!” the extremely overweight boy with a mop of blonde hair on his head screamed, pounding his fists on the ground and kicking the nearest chair with his feet.

“Now see here woman! When we ordered, we ordered six portions of chips and you only gave us four! What kind of business do you think you’re running here!” the man yelled, going purple in the face as his multiple chins jiggled. “Can you not see the emotional distress you are causing my family?”

Severus raised an eyebrow at the scene before turning to Harry. “Perhaps a different shop?”

Harry nodded, but before they could leave the thin woman looked up in astonishment and pointed an accusing finger at Severus.

“You! What are you doing here!” she shrieked, not noticing the small boy who ducked behind Severus’s legs. “This is your fault, isn’t it! You did something freakish, didn’t you! Trying to starve my child!”

Severus sighed exasperatedly before looking back at the woman. So much for a quick escape from her and her horrible family. Severus had recognized her as soon as they walked in, though he had hoped he and Harry would go unnoticed. How could he forget her horrible, earsplitting voice or her accusations of ‘freakishness?’

“Hello to you too, Tuney,” Severus sneered. “And to what do I owe the misfortune? You’re awfully far from home, aren’t you?”

“Hardly!” Petunia Dursley scoffed. “My husband and I moved from Surrey to London to be closer to his work! He’s a very important man you know! Though you wouldn’t know what that’s like, would you Snape? To have class and live well?”

“Seems your husband and son don’t know what class is either,” Severus said, though much of what he said was covered by the yells of the two whale-like Dursleys trying in vain to speed along the fry time of fresh chips with profanity and tantrums.

“Don’t you dare talk like that to me, you filthy freak!” Petunia spat. “Now leave before I phone the police on you and whatever spawn you brought in!”

Severus scoffed at the threat but turned and walked away. Petunia was always one to make a scene and it seemed that trait had been passed down to her son and admired by her husband. It had been so long, he had almost forgotten about her and her horrible attitude. She was no sister of his Lily’s; he could never see her as such. They were such opposites in so many ways that it was simply easier to think of her as a cousin or distant relative rather than a direct family member of Lily’s.

“Did you actually know her?” Harry asked as he jogged to keep up with Severus’s strides.

Severus slowed down and matched pace with Harry rather than the other way around. “Yes, I know her. Unfortunately.”

“Who was she?” Harry asked, looking back to make sure the loud lady and her family weren’t following them.

“That was your mother’s sister, Petunia,” Severus said, though he looked as though he would be sick just saying her name. “Had I not vouched against her character, you would have been living with them instead of with me.”

“That was my aunt?” Harry said in shock, turning back to look at the chip shop once more before they turned the corner. “She didn’t seem very nice.”

“She was a vile girl growing up and it seems time did her no favors,” Severus said with a scowl.

Harry was silent for a while as they walked and looked for another reasonable looking place to eat, preferably one without screaming children or angry muggles. He couldn’t even imagine what his life would have been like if he had lived in their house. The screaming boy was his cousin then, and the purple faced man would be his uncle. Would he have been as fat and spoiled as his cousin? He didn’t care too much for that thought. His cousin would probably sit on him and try to squash him and steal his food, his aunt would probably yell at him like she yelled at Severus, and his uncle would probably be purple all the time. He couldn’t see himself being very happy in their house.

“Severus?” Harry said quietly.

“What, Harry?” Severus responded as they turned down another street and walked towards another, much more calm seeming chip shop.

“Thank you for not being purple all the time.”

Severus snorted as he pushed open the door and walked to the counter to place their order. If anyone should be thanking someone, it should be him thanking Harry. Yes, they had had their ups and downs, tantrums, screaming fits, and more tears than he cared to admit. Yes, it had taken them a long time to get to know each other and to mesh well. And yes, Harry was still Harry Potter, the son of his nemesis and personal bully. But compared to his cousin?

‘No, I’m not ready to be a father’ Severus thought as he removed the two straw ‘tusks’ from Harry’s mouth, rendering him human once again and no longer a walrus. ‘But I’m doing the best I can.’