When Severus learnt that the Dark Lord interpreted the prophecy he had overheard as referring to a baby, he felt regret.
Black, hooded cloaks were not evil. Snakes and skulls were not evil. Killing babies, however, was very obviously evil.

It dawned on Severus, then, that Lily had been right, and his new friends were, in fact, not joking around when they talked about murdering muggle-borns.

Regret turned into sheer horror when the Dark Lord announced that he had the potential parents of his prophecied enemy narrowed down to just two couples: The Longbottoms and the Potters.

Severus had long given up on god, gods, goddesses and spirits of nature, but that night, after the Dark Lord had finally let them go home, he prayed to all the deities he did not believe in to spare Lily.

After some thinking, he amended it to Lily, Lily’s child and ... the father of Lily’s child, because Lily would hate him (even more, that was) if by some miracle his prayer was heard and his neglect to mention those two resulted in their death.



Severus did, however, not mention anyone but Lily to Dumbledore. Dumbledore’s stance on the importance of James Potter’s safety was, after all, well known. There was no need to beg the man to keep Potter safe. It could not, however, hurt to give him some incentive to ensure Lily’s safety.

After all, Lily wasn’t some rich pureblood heiress, and regardless how often the old man claimed to have no blood prejudices, Severus had often sensed a certain ... condescendingness when it came to muggleborns, and halfbloods such as himself.


And, miracle or chance, Severus’ prayers were heard. After the Potters were ratted out – the Dark Lord did not disclose by whom, but seemed very amused by the fact – the Dark Lord still decided to go after Alice Longbottom’s baby first.

Two purebloods, he reasoned, would be more likely to produce a son who would be a danger to him.

That was the last decision the Dark Lord made for a long time.

Later, Albus Dumbledore would theorize that what had saved young Neville’s life was the fact that his grandmother had been in the bathroom when she heard the sound of steps in the nursery.

Augusta Longbottom, the theory went, would have been safe if she had hidden away, seeing as the Dark Lord did not know the first thing about child-rearing and would not have known that a baby boy would never be left alone in the house.

The notion that she had sacrificed her own life for her grandson with the words “Over my cold, dead body” was, of course, pure conjecture, but considered to be highly likely by everyone how had known her.


In that Halloween night, however, everyone hailed Neville Longbottom as the Boy Who Lived.


A handful of loyal Death Eaters weren’t happy with the course of events. And the Dark Lord had told Bellatrix Lestrange, whom the trusted above everyone else, the Potters’ address.

By the time Severus learnt about that from a worried Narcissa, the torture had already been going on for a while.

When Albus Dumbledore arrived with reinforcements, Lily and James weren’t conscious anymore.

The following weeks were spent with obsessive researching of potions that might wake someone from a Cruciatus-induced coma, only interrupted by Severus’ trial, of which he would later remember only that Dumbledore had testified in his favour and he owed the man.

Severus and his feverish research relocated to an unused laboratory in Hogwarts, hardly even noticing the change in scenery.

Christmas was approaching when, in an unprecedented act of kindness, the Hogwarts headmaster lent Severus the invisibility cloak that actually belonged to James Potter, so that he might go and pay Lily a visit without being murdered by her other friends.

As it turned out, the precaution would hardly have been necessary. Lily and her husband had been relocated to the permanent ward that morning, and the only friend who still sat with them was Remus Lupin, who looked about as aged and tired as Severus felt.

Severus sat on an uncomfortable looking chair that he hoped no one would wish to claim for themselves anytime soon, and looked at Lily, wondering whether she would hate him for praying that her life be spared.

At least, he told himself, she did not look as though she were in pain. And he would restore her, some day. Hopefully before he started working as Potions Master for Dumbledore next year.


Sleep claimed him, and when he woke, it was dark in the room. What little light there was came from the full moon outside.

The reason he had woken was not the darkness, but the fact that a healer had entered the room.

Using his wand for light, the man made his way over to Lily’s side of the bed, almost brushing Severus in the process.

He pulled the blanket from her sleeping body, then pulled at her nightgown.

Severus tensed. This was not right. Did they let male healers attend to female patients who could no longer refuse such a breach of their privacy? What kind of spell would require a healer to see her – her thighs?

Was it something Lily would have objected to? She was not old-fashioned, her parents had always allowed Severus in her room unsupervised, but this, surely ...

The man hiked up his own robe. His intent was obvious now.

“Stupefy”, Severus hissed.

A different man, a man like Remus Lupin, might have hesitated. Might have thought that surely, the healer could not have been about to do what he obviously was about to do.

Severus had seen enough evil – evil that did not deck itself in dark robes and adorn itself with skulls, ordinary, everyday, muggle evil – to not doubt for a second longer.

Gently, he covered Lily again, gently, he took her arm. Then he grabbed the ankle of the unconscious healer, and activated his emergency portkey.

They appeared in a lovely meadow in the Forbidden Forest, a place where unicorns grazed, just outside the anti-apparition wards.

After covering Lily with his cloak and putting a protection spell on the area, Severus apparated the pervert to a location he knew only from Death Eater meetings. When the man woke and reached for the wand that Severus had taken away from him, it took only three seconds of legilimency to ascertain that yes, Severus had not been mistaken about his intentions. He’d done it to other female patients of the permanent ward.

Even with this knowledge, it was harder than Severus would have thought, to kill someone, directly. Had he not Augusta Longbottom’s blood on his hands already, at the very least?

Slashing the man’s throat with Sectumsempra, that handy little curse that made wounds which looked enough like knife wounds to fool the average fool of an Auror, was harder than it should have been considering Severus knew the curse by heart.

He was not a killer, Severus calmly reflected when he had apparated back to the Forbidden Forest. He just did not have the stomach for it.

With a vanishing charm, the pool of vomit was gone from the forest ground.

Severus summoned a stretcher for Lily, then covered her with the invisibility cloak before he used a spell that would make the stretcher float after him.

He had been unforgivably naive in assuming St. Mungo’s would keep the patients safe, somehow, either by not allowing male healers to tend to female patients, or by making them swear unbreakable vows.

At this point in his life, he knew better than to assume that anyone would have believed him in the first place, knew better even than to assume that safety precautions would be taken to protect female patients.


After all, it had not been the first time, had it? The man had worked there for quite a while, and someone was bound to have noticed.

Oh, he could all too well imagine. The young assistant healer, too enthusiastic for her own good, returning after hours to read a story to her favourite patient, perhaps that young girl in the bed at the door ...

Would she dare to report that the senior healer, the one who held all the power over her future career, had raped a patient?
Would she be heard, or would she be fired, and everything hushed up?

Just as the headmaster of Hogwarts hushed up werewolf attacks ...

Severus shuddered, and even though the moon was full, it was not out of fear for himself.

“You are safe now”, he whispered, even though the Daily Prophet claimed the Potters were ‘like vegetables’ and couldn’t see, hear or feel a thing.“You are safe, Lily. I will not let them harm you again.”


Had that man raped her before? Severus knew he could never be sure that it had not happened. If he had delved deeper into the man’s mind ... but he didn’t have the stomach for killing, and he certainly had not the stomach to witness someone raping his dearest friend. Witnessing what the ‘healer’ had done to that poor girl in the bed had been bad enough.


He walked to his quarters, deep in the dank dungeons, and entered the icy cold bedroom. A warming charm would be needed, he decided as he lowered Lily onto the beautiful four-poster bed with the Slytherin-green bedclothes.

As he spread the duvet over her, it occurred to him that, perhaps, it had not been the wisest course of action to take her with him. In the moment, it had made sense – taking first the man and then Lily would be seen as a series of attacks, while taking both at the same time might get blamed on the man – but while Severus was rather good at disguising criminal activities, he was not good at taking care of a comatose person.

There was nothing wrong with her body, at least according to the newspapers and Dumbledore, she could breathe on her own, but obvously, she couldn’t eat.
She couldn’t wash herself.

And she certainly wouldn’t want Severus to wash her.

No, he needed help. But who? Which of her female friends would ... understand, understand in the same visceral way Severus did, that St. Mungo’s could not be trusted to do right by Lily in the future?

He could not think of any. Lily had told him about her female friends, and she had also bemoaned the fact that none of them really understood her. ‘Not like you’.
A tear formed in the corner of his eye, and Severus shook his head. Enough of those fruitless thoughts.

Back to the problem at hand. Lily didn’t have any friends he could rely on. There was, of course, her sister ... no, Petunia would never take Lily into her nice, ordinary, witch-free home that she had worked so hard to acquire.

Moreover, Petunia would likely not believe that an institution like a hospital could do any wrong.

If only Mrs. and Mr. Evans hadn’t been in that car accident ... Severus sighed. That was no use now.


Perhaps, if he told Dumbledore ... no. Intuitively, Severus knew that was not a good idea. Unless he lied. He could make up some tale about the healer being a Death Eater intending to murder Lily. ‘There is no knowing how many spies the Dark Lord has in St. Mungo’s’ he could say ...

That might work. But then there was the problem of explaining why he had taken Lily and not James. Dumbledore would be angry for endangering James.

Dumbledore might also point out that nothing had happened as of yet ...

Perhaps some tale about slow poisoning?

The truth ... no, the truth would not work. He just knew. The pub where Tobias Snape had wasted away his money appeared before Severus’ inner eye. The regulars, shaking their heads at ‘this horrible monster’ who had raped and murdered a young woman, all the while they whistled after the barmaid, who couldn’t have been more than 17 years old, if that, stared at her breasts and slapped her bottom if she didn’t manage to dodge their dirty paws fast enough.

Severus remembered the first barmaid, her wheat-coloured plait and high-buttoned blouse. She had been kind to him, sent him back home and had gone to Tobias’ table herself to tell him his wife wanted him home, sparing Severus a lot of his fathers’s anger.

No, molesting women was just fine with the average man, as long as no one got killed.

Severus decided to postpone the decision until the morning.

A good night’s sleep would certainly help, much as he loathed to admit it. The headmaster would not enter his bedroom, so Lily was both safe and secret there.

He settled on the couch in his living room with one of the books he had used for research. Closing his eyes, he let the book slip out of his hands until it hit the floor with a soft noise. Attention to detail was, after all, essential for a good deception.

When Severus woke in the morning, it was from the soft clearing of someone’s throat.

Standing before him was a house elf, clad in a sensible navy blue dress with the Hogwarts coat of arms embroidered on the chest. A free elf, then – it was not unusual for them to come to Hogwarts.

The elf had her arms crossed. “Good morning, Mr. Snape, sir. What will your lady guest want for breakfast?”, she asked, radiating all the disapproval a human landlady might have for one of her lodgers bringing a lady guest despite house rules explicitly forbidding it.

Had she been human, Severus would most likely have yelled at her, but with a house elf, he hesitated long enough to consider that she might actually have a good reason for her disapproval.

“Ah, yes. My lady guest. There is a ... problem.”

“Is there, now?”, she retorted, her voice holding almost as much acid as his own would.

Severus found himself almost smiling. He liked her. “The lady will not wake up. I had not planned on bringing her here, but, you see, she was tended to by a male healer.”

The house elf’s forehead creased in disapproval.

Very well. They understood each other. “When he ... attempted to take advantage of her unconscious state, I thought it better to remove her from that neglectful institution.” He paused. “She will, obviously, require a female carer. Someone with a strong sense of propriety and the ability to protect her.” Severus carefully raised his shoulders a bit, then let them fall again. “I have been thinking about whom I could ask ... most people would likely tell me that I ought to trust the hospital that let this happen in the first place ...”

Fire blazed in the house elf’s amber eyes, somewhat reminding Severus of Lily. “Lizzy will ...” The elf interrupted herself. “I will take care of the matter.”

So Lily had been right with her suspicions. The annoying way of speaking that house elves had was taught to them as a mark of their slave status. This house elf obviously made an effort to train herself out of it.

“You will? Then you shall have my utmost gratitude. You understand the need for secrecy? You are a free elf, you are not bound to the headmaster.”

“I will not tell anyone but other house elves.”

“Thank you.” He bowed his head, deeper than he ever would have to a human. There was no underestimating the importance of respect in dealing with magical beings. “Now, as for breakfast, my lady friend – her name is Lily, by the way – will have a nutrition potion I will start brewing immediately.”

“And for you, sir?”

Severus hesitated. He had never been asked what he wanted before. If he didn’t eat in the Great Hall, Dumbledore would send a house elf with whatever Dumbledore thought fit. “A cheese sandwich should do. And perhaps a cup of coffee, if it isn’t too much of an inconvenience.”

It only occurred to him when he was halfway through his sandwich and almost done with the potion that he had not asked whether the house elf would have to stack caring for Lily on top of her kitchen work.

He hoped they had some leeway. At least the free ones.



***


Lily had already resigned herself to never being able to move again when she and her husband were relocated to the permanent ward.

Visitor numbers had dwindled, and Lily couldn’t blame her friends – they couldn’t know she was dying of boredom.

She wondered whether James was truly unconscious, or in the same state as she.

The last one left, with Sirius unjustly in prison, was Remus. Lily knew because he would occasionally talk to them.

Someone entered the room quietly and sat on the unoccupied chair on Lily’s side of the bed, but Remus didn’t acknowledge him. Strange.

Had Remus fallen asleep? No, his breathing was normal.

Dumbledore, perhaps, the old meddler? It would be like him to turn himself invisible and just watch Remus. Lily would have smiled if she had been able to control the muscles of her face. The Hogwarts headmaster had a tendency to poke his nose into everything, which was why they had decided against him as secret keeper. Good dear old Dumbledore ... he wouldn’t have betrayed them.

It would have been, Lily thought bitterly, more than worth his increased control over their lives to have made him the secret keeper instead of Peter.

Remus rose. “Goodnight Lily, James. I better get home before darkness.”

Again, Lily would have smiled. Anyone who heard him speak would assume the mild-mannered man was afraid of being robbed if he walked home in the darkness.

It must be a full moon, then. The only means of measuring time that she had left after they had put her on a potion that stopped her menstruation. (And was also not safe to use in the long term, but Lily wasn’t too concerned about that. Death might be a mercy.)

Full moons always meant Remus left early.

And he always said goodbye.

If only ... if only they had at least told Remus about changing the secret keeper. Sirius could have taken Harry. Sirius would feed the boy only fast food and sweets and take him for rides on his flying motorbike, but he would have loved him.

With Petunia ... Lily was not so sure.

Tuney had been a good mother to all her dolls, yes, but it wasn’t the same. How would she react if Harry didn’t fit into her perfect little family?

Lost in thought, Lily noticed only after some more hours must have passed that the other visitor had fallen asleep. His breathing had changed to a slower, more regular rhythm. Amazing what things one managed to pay attention to when there wasn’t any other entertainment.

If she had been able to see, she’d probably not even noticed the quiet breathing.


The sound of footsteps approached, then stopped at Lily’s side on the bed. Something was wrong, she knew at once.

There was something off about the man’s breathing. It was too heavy. The man could only be a visitor, or a healer going about his routine tasks, there was no reason for him to ...

A clammy hand on her thigh. It was not yet time for her sponge bath, it was night, there was no good reason -

What was he doing? Horror crept over Lily when she realized what the man was about to do to her.

She couldn’t fight back, couldn’t will even an eyelid to move.

“Stupefy!”, someone hissed. Something heavy sank to the floor with a dull thud.

There was something familiar about the voice, but it wasn’t Dumbledore.

A hand gently pulled her nightgown over her legs again, then took her arm.

Lily felt a familiar sensation behind her navel. Portkey.

She fervently hoped that it was her invisible visitor who had stunned the man who had tried to assault her, not the other way round.

The first thing she noticed was that she was cold. Something was draped over her.

“Protego horribilis”, a voice murmured.

And Lily finally recognized the voice. Severus.

That explained why he had been invisible. He couldn’t have risked being seen in public, not with everyone suspecting he was a Death Eater. No one had seen him on a raid, but that didn’t have to mean anything.

Severus had never been violent. His interest in Dark Magic had always been rather theoretical. Oh, he would do his research in the restricted section of the library all right, but when it came to spells he actually used ...

The worst had been this curse she had seen him use in the upper years, which had made a slight cut on James’ face.
James had said it was dark magic because the scar never fully vanished, but Lily had scoffed at the notion. Surely, a dark spell would do more damage!

No, Severus wouldn’t be in the fights. He would be helping with the strategy, so the fact no one had seen him, the fact he hadn’t been there when the Death Eaters came to torture James and her, didn’t mean anything.

Still, Lily didn’t think he would harm her. Some other muggleborn, perhaps, but not her.


It felt like an eternity, and Lily noticed that she was alone shortly before someone reappeared.

Severus conjured a stretcher and lifted her onto it with a spell. Covered her with what must be an invisibility cloak – the fabric felt just as soft as she remembered from James’.

Then, he started walking, his feet rustling the old leaves on the forest floor. Lily floated next to him.

“You are safe now”, he whispered, his voice soft and gentle, a tone she had only ever heard him use with her, no one else. “You are safe, Lily. I will not let them harm you again.”

Her Sev. Good old Sev. He hadn’t changed all that much.

She thought she would cry, and she actually hoped she would, so he might know she was aware of her surroundings, but it didn’t happen.

After a seemingly endless trek, they entered slightly warmer surroundings.

And then they went down, down, down. Dungeons? But Lily was not afraid. If Sev brought her to the cellar, then to hide her the better from her enemies.

There was, after all, little use in lying to a person who couldn’t move at all.

They entered a warmer space still, doors were opened and closed.

She heard the rustling of fabric, then felt surrounded by a spell that lowered her onto ... a bed, she decided, it must be a bed.

Severus covered her with a thick blanket – was it a duvet, even – and sighed.

Some spells later, the air was pleasantly warm.

“Good night, Lily.” Soft steps, the door was opened, then closed.

Lily was alone. Damned incompetent healers, the news of Mr. and Mrs. James Potter – sometimes she really wished she had kept her name so they wouldn’t be able to pretend she didn’t even have her own first name! - being completely unaware of their surroundings must have been in the Daily Prophet.

So of course Sev wouldn’t think it necessary to keep her company.

At least he had been courteous enough to tell her he was on her side. Though perhaps that was just because he wanted to convince himself he would do the right thing?

No, he hadn’t sounded undecided at all. There had been that protective anger in his voice that she hadn’t heard since ... oh, it was so long ago. No one in Slytherin had called her a mudblood, ever, after that incident in second year. Except Sev.

Finally, Lily managed to fall asleep.

When she woke, it was to the chipper “Good morning, madam” of a house elf.

“Madam need not worry, Lizzy will take good care of madam. Mr. Snape will have the nutrition potion ready in no time at all.”

The blanket was removed and Lily realized, belatedly, that the diapers they had put on her at St. Mungo’s were soiled. The vanishing spell that kept them clean must have worn off – usually, a nurse would renew it once a day.

“Lizzy is sorry for the inconvenience, but there is no need to be embarrassed, madam. Lizzy knows what to do, Lizzy used to take care of old mistress when old mistress couldn’t move anymore.”

The diapers were removed, and Lily found herself floating in the air once more.

“Madam will want a bath, after this disgusting man touched her.”

Yes. Yes, Lily did want a bath.

“Mr. Snape didn’t mention any details, but the healer must have done something very improper, or he would not have noticed. Wizards are so blind to such things, they always find an excuse.”

Good old Sev. She had often complained about his pessimism and all around dark view of the world, his thinking the worst of anyone, an attitude that only made an exception for his Slytherin friends.

She wouldn’t ever complain again. That was, if she ever was able to talk again, at all.

He must have seen the man pull up her nightgown and immediately suspected wrongdoing. Surely, Sev wouldn’t have noticed the man’s heavy breathing. One usually didn’t pay attention to such things when one could simply open one’s eyes.

“There, now we will have you nice and clean again in no time at all. Lizzy will make sure to have the sheets changed, too.” The house elf was silent for a while, and Lily only heard the sound of running water. “I will make sure the sheets are changed. It is hard to talk properly, but Li- I must make the effort.”

Ha! She had known it all along! The old pureblood families intentionally taught their house elves poor grammar, so people would look down on them.
It was amazing how much joy one could derive from the little things, like being proven right, when there weren’t any big things anymore.

“But perhaps not now. Lizzy has to explain things. There is a bathtub, right here, yes, and Lizzy will wash madam, and there’s no need to be embarrassed, because Lizzy is just a house elf and doesn’t count.”

Oh, poor thing!

“And also becaue Lizzy is female and that is proper enough, yes. Mr. Snape said so. Mr. Snape wanted to ask one of madam’s friends, but they wouldn’t understand that madam can’t go back to the hospital. Lizzy knows. Wizards do not care, oh no. They will say, oh, the poor man, he made a mistake, but he won’t do it again, no worries! Old master, that is, young master, but he is not master anymore, he was very, very cruel to poor young mistress, yes he was, and all his friends knew, and no one cared. All her friends knew, too, and her parents knew, and they didn’t care, either.” The house elf – Lizzy – huffed. “But madam must not be upset, that is all long past, and Lizzy is a free elf now. Lizzy used to be called Dust, but that is not a real name, is it, now, so Lizzy gave herself a new name.” The sound of water stopped. “The water is nice and warm now, but not too hot. There.”

The nightgown was removed and Lily felt herself be lowered into warm water.

“Lizzy will wash madam’s hair. And then Lizzy will ask Mr. Snape what madam’s favourite hairstyle is. A braid would look nice, perhaps?”

Again, Lily would have smiled had she been able to. Finally someone gave her a running commentary on everything that happened. The talking might have been annoying had she been able to see, but as things were, she could have cried with relief.

Finally someone told her what was going on!

The only thing she didn’t know was where they were.

Severus had just finished brewing the nutrition potion when he heard steps behind him. Accustomed to Dumbledore’s habit of interrupting him, he didn’t look up from his work.

“A nutrition potion?” Dumbledore sounded only mildly curious, but if Severus gave the wrong answer, he could ruin everything.

“I have realized that eating is not the most efficient use of my time. Brewing this potion costs only half the time it would cost me to eat.”

Dumbledore sighed. Severus knew he had chosen the right answer.

“I must insist that you have some tea.”

“Fine. But only because I know arguing with you would waste even more time.”

Dumbledore didn’t chuckle. Something was wrong. More wrong than Lily being in a coma, that was. The Potters’ misfortune hadn’t dampened the headmaster’s mood for more than two weeks.

When they were both seated in armchairs in front of the fire in Severus’ living room, he dared glare at Dumbledore. “Now, what is it? You have bad news, haven’t you?”
He had to disguise his visible agitation, so he had to give Dumbledore a wrong reason. The old man had taught him well.

“I am afraid, yes.” Dumbledore sighed. “Please do try not to overreact. Calm yourself.”

Perfect. That was blanket permission for him to use occlumency.

“Severus ... Lily has vanished from St. Mungo’s.”

“Vanished? What do you mean, vanished?”, Severus said in the flat, dull voice that was the product of using his half-baked occlumency. “How could she just vanish?”

“As I told you when I gave you that emergency portkey, St. Mungo’s is not warded against disapparition.”

“But it is warded against apparition. No one from the outside could ...” He frowned. “Someone on the inside then. I should have known. I could sneak past everyone with that invisibility cloak. Their safeguarding is atrocious! I should have realized right away! Why didn’t you? Why didn’t you have Lily ... and James, fine, removed from there at the earliest opportunity?”

“Calm down Severus. It is easy to point fingers when the child has fallen into the well. No one could have predicted it. Nothing like it happened ever before. They do screen personnel for the Dark Mark, you know?”

And the Dark Mark could be disguised with a spell. The Dark Lord wasn’t completely stupid. “So Death Eaters are the only people who could ever be dangerous?”, he retorted, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Dumbledore sighed. “Of course not. The aurors are looking into it.”

“May I meet with Lucius?” His hands clenched to fists. Dumbledore had made conditions to his testifying in Severus’ favour. Such as being informed whenever he so much as left the castle. “Talk to him. See if he is involved. He always did disapprove of my ... regard for Lily.”

“You may. Arrange a meeting, then tell me when you will depart and when you intend to return.”

Severus nodded. “Anything else?”

“Lily is not the only one who vanished. They also haven’t been able to find the healer who was on shift that night.”

“So I will be looking for two people.”



After Dumbledore had taken his leave, Severus knocked at the bedroom door. “Lizzy?”

The door opened. Lily was in bed, her hair wrapped in a towel. Next to the bed stood the house elf.

“Ah, you gave her a bath. Good. Do you know how to give someone a nutrition potion?”

The house elf nodded eagerly. “Yes. But the she will need proper food sometimes.”

“I shall familiarize myself with the necessary spells. Some kind of mashed food, I assume?”

“Yes. I can prepare it.” The elf stretched out her hand and Severus dropped the nutrition potion into it.

“Do you know what your friend’s favourite hair style is, sir? Lizzy wants ... I want to do her hair the way she likes it.”

Severus considered the matter. “She liked to wear her hair open when I knew her. She would wear a single braid for Potions, so if you want to keep it out of the way, that should be acceptable, too.” He paused. “Will caring for Lily interfere with your other work?”

“I am free to choose whatever work is to be done in Hogwarts.” Lizzy nodded towards Lily. “This is work. There is no problem, sir.”

“Very well.” Cunning. He really liked this elf.


Severus arranged and paid a visit to Lucius, who, as expected, knew of the incident only from reading the Daily Prophet.

“The safety precautions are abysmal”, Narcissa added, with an up-turned nose. “I immediately called our lawyer and had her set up a document for the thankfully very unlikely case Lucius and I both become permanently incapacitated. I have no intention of ever being at the mercy of those imbeciles in St. Mungo’s.”

“Of course”, Severus agreed silkily.

“And of course they will find that our kind are not involved in this crime.” Narcissa sipped at her tea.

Except that ‘their kind’, which with Narcissa meant rich purebloods, had been the ones who had tortured Lily and Potter until they fell into a coma.

“Abducting a defenseless woman”, Lucius agreed. “Any self-respecting pureblood has more honour than that.”

“You think the healer was ... collateral damage?”, Severus inquired cautiously.

“Oh, no, not at all.” Narcissa set her delicate, snake-patterned cup back on the saucer with a decisive clink. “He is quite probably the one who did it. A mudblood, by the sound of his name. Mark my words, they’ll find out he abducted the silly girl to have his way with her.”

Severus breathed deeply and occluded his mind. ‘Silly girl’ was one of the kinder epithets Narcissa used for Lily.

She was well aware that while he would tolerate her use of ‘mudblood’ where anyone else was concerned, Lily was off limits.

“Very likely”, Lucius agreed. “She used to be a pretty thing, that is if you go for redheads.”

Severus stood. “How time flies. I am afraid I have to leave already.”

He graciously accepted Narcissa’s apologies for her husband being ‘rather insensitive’, but still declined the invitation to dinner. “You know how it is these days. The old man watches me like a hawk. I have a curfew.”

And for once, he was glad of it.

The next morning brought news that all but confirmed Narcissa’s theory in the eyes of the public.

There was an almost-witness.

‘“I was so naive”, the young nurse sobs, her eyes filling with tears’ ... typical Skeeter journalism.

Severus took another sip of coffee. “Criminal”, he muttered angrily.

The article detailed how the nurse had found injuries in the ‘genital area’ of witches while washing them, and been told by the healer that it must be sores from the diapers they put on comatose patients, or, in the case of a patient who was still capable of some movement, that the witch must have ‘played with herself’ to cause the injuries.

“I knew they couldn’t have sores”, the nurse had confessed, allegedly under tears but Severus knew how Skeeter liked to embellish. “I was meticulous in keeping them dry and clean. Why did I believe him?”

Severus closed the newspaper, got up and stormed out of the room.

It was, after all, expected that he show some emotion in reaction to those allegiations.


Dumbledore, as expected, followed closely after him. “My dear boy, I hope you don’t intend to do anything rash?”

“Such as killing the bastard who did this to her?” Severus snapped, remembering the incident he had witnessed. “What else would I do, Dumbledore? What else? This disgusting, depraved –“ He let out a low, animal-like growl.

“And that is exactly why I will not allow you to search for him. Be reasonable, Severus. Lily wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life in Azkaban.”

How dare he? “You have no way of knowing what Lily would want! Last thing I heard she would have been quite happy to see me rot in prison!”

“She never said such a thing.”

“She didn’t even want to hear my apology!” And after all those years, it still stung.

“You hurt her terribly, surely you are aware of that? If you had not been her friend, Severus, I doubt she would even remember that instance of name-calling. She certainly wouldn’t think you deserve Azkaban for it.”

How could he know? Lily not talking to him had felt like he had imagined, back then, that Azkaban must feel.
It was different, yes, perhaps Lily had just wanted to continue her life without him in it, she might not have wished to inflict this agony on him – but he could not be sure. Perhaps she knew how he felt and thought he deserved it.
And he did. If not then, then certainly now. “Then perhaps for me selling her to the Dark Lord?”

Dumbledore sighed, defeated. “In any case, you will not be of any use to Lily in prison.”

“What use am I outside prison? My research is going nowhere, and even if it did, would she even want to wake up? Wake up only to learn that –” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, but would have paused anyway, for dramatic effect.

“Severus, please. Surely you do not want to imply that a woman who was raped would be better off dead?”

“Of course not! But – I – I should have protected her.” He had gotten his taste of what sexual assault felt like when Potter had pulled down his pants in front of the whole school, and he certainly had wished he were dead for quite a while after. But he had decided to live on, if only because he knew Potter would have celebrated his death. Spite might not be the most healthy of motivations, but it had served Severus well.

Dumbledore shook his head. “There was nothing you could do. No one could have predicted this.”

“No one? I could have told you. Do you think the student dormitories are segregated by sex because the founders thought segregating by eye colour was too impractical? What did they expect, giving men access to unconscious women? Hell, no one even supervised Lupin’s visits!” Severus had not noted the fact, then, but in retrospect ... the healers did not know Lupin. He could have been a pervert. Or, and that was in fact likely, he could have forgotten to leave in time, before the full moon rose, and massacred everyone in the ward.

“There was no reason to assume Remus would harm them. And there was no reason to assume a healer would harm a patient in his care. Really, Severus, you talk as if you think all men are rapists.”

He felt the legilimency attack, and pushed some memories from student parties to the forefront of his mind. Memories of boys attempting to take advantage of drunken girls. Then, when Dumbledore pried further, he added memories of what Death Eaters did to female muggles and muggleborns. Things he had even reported to Dumbledore, having already been his spy at the time.

“Not all. One out of ten, I would estimate.” A cautious estimation.

“You spent too much time with Death Eaters, Severus. Normal people are not - ”

Normal people? Like James Potter, who thought exposing a fellow student’s genitals to the whole school was a good joke? But no, he would not mention that. He quite liked the illusion that Dumbledore actually cared about him, and didn’t want it smashed into a thousand tiny pieces when the old man inevitably minimized what Potter had done.
“Death Eaters are normal people who flock to the Dark Lord because it suits them for one reason or the other. Pray tell me why a rapist would not apply to a job as healer on the Janus Thickey Ward?” A perfect opportunity to prey on unconscious women.

“Healing is a noble profession.”

“So is teaching, and look at me. I hate children, as you well know. Still, fate has conspired to make me a teacher. And thinking back to my teachers in Defense, I am quite sure some of them were motivated more by money than by the nobility of the profession.” Money, sinister plans, fame, and Severus had some suspicions on the teacher they had had in first year. In retrospect, envying his favourite students had been very foolish.

That shut up Dumbledore for a moment. “It is very hard to find teachers for Defense, Severus”, he said at last. “And, as you surely remember, some of the not so very suitable teachers were female.”

“Well, yes.” Still. “Using the teaching position as a cover to search for the stolen goods she buried in the school grounds when she was a student still isn’t the same as rape. I don’t say a female healer wouldn’t have stolen Lily’s engagement ring.” Not that she still wore it – he supposed it wasn’t safe to let unconscious people wear rings, as they couldn’t say if the ring got too small, or something like that. If it had been stolen, Severus was sure that would have been noticed immediately. Money was important. Human dignity, not so much. “I know perfect safety may not be possible, but if you can easily reduce the risk by ninety percent, why not do that?”

“What happened, happened. I suggest that you let the aurors handle it and meanwhile continue your research. I trust you will come up with a solution.” Dumbledore said condescendingly.

“I don’t. But I will continue it, of course.” It was not like he had anything else to do before the start of next term, and he just had to try.

“Very well, I shall leave you to it.” And with that, Dumbledore finally left his living room.

“I overheard a fight”, Lizzy told Lily after she had fed her yet another nutrition potion. “Mr. Snape said he wanted to murder the healer who harmed you, but Headmaster Dumbledore told him you wouldn’t want him to end up in prison. Mr. Snape said that for all he knows, you do want him to rot in prison. Do you really? He doesn’t seem so bad, but of course, Lizzy is just a house elf and wouldn’t know. Or, no, I wouldn’t know because I don’t know what he said to you. Was it very bad? Headmaster Dumbledore said it was just name-calling.”


Dumbledore. Of course. Hogwarts. Lizzy, a free elf. It all fit together.

So Severus still thought it was all about calling her a mudblood? Of course that had been the last straw, but how could he not have understood that she objected to his becoming a Death Eater?

“He also said something about selling you out to the Dark Lord, but he must be exaggerating, Headmaster Dumbledore would not be so friendly with him if he had really done that, would he?”

Selling her out? Perhaps that was how Severus talked about working for someone who wanted to enslave all muggleborns?

“They talked of research. Lizzy thinks – I think, it might be research on how to wake you up? Mr. Snape didn’t sound very hopeful, but I think you might want to know.”

Research? If Sev put his mind to something ... he might actually find a cure!

On the other hand, the healers at St. Mungo’s had sounded like there was no hope at all. Perhaps Sev was just researching because he just had to try. Lily knew she’d do the same if it was only James who had been tortured.

**

What would Lily want? Would she even want to be here?

Probably not. But he was fairly certain that she would rather be here than be raped in St. Mungo’s. She couldn’t hate him that much, could she?

After all, she didn’t have to see him often. Or at all, really, considering that her eyes were closed.

She would probably want Potter with her ... damn. There was no way to get Potter out of the hospital, too, without raising suspicion.

Her baby. She would want her baby.

The world seemed to have forgotten about Lily’s baby entirely. If the boy had gone to Petunia, it shouldn’t be hard to borrow him for a while. Severus would feel bad about altering any other muggle’s memory, but with Petunia ... hell, he could tell her some bullshit about needing the baby for a spell to find Lily. That wouldn’t even be that much of a lie – he was pretty sure he could construct a spell that would work in such a way.

He cleared his throat. “Lizzy?”

It was not necessary to speak loudly, the house elf apparated next to him at once. “What can I do for you?”

Ah, she was figuring out how to speak properly. Lily must be overjoyed ... if Lily was conscious, that was. “Lily’s husband is still in St. Mungo’s. I suppose she would want me to let him know she is safe. I wondered ... since you can apparate in Hogwarts ...”

“I can apparate pretty much anywhere, sir. What is her husband’s name? And won’t he tell on you?”

“He is in the same state as she, and it is unlikely he would even understand a message, but ...” Severus thought it unlikely that even a conscious James Potter would be able to see past his own suffering for long enough to worry about Lily, but on the off chance that Lily was aware of what happened around her ... Lily would certainly assume her husband was worried. At least that was Severus’ theory as to why she had married him – clearly, she projected her own kindness onto him and thought he cared about her as much as she cared about him.

“Lizzy un- I understand. His name, sir?”

“Don’t introduce yourself, don’t tell him she’s with me, just that she’s safe and you are caring for her. His name is James Potter, you will find him on the Janus Thickey ward if that wasn’t changed after Lily’s disappearance. You will recognize him by his atrociously untidy black hair. Ah, yes. I don’t know what safety precautions they took. I assume they didn’t ward against house elves, but I cannot be sure.”

“Can you order Lizzy to do it, sir?”

“What?”

The house elf blushed. “I am a free elf, but it is still easier to do things I was ordered to do.”

Ah, yes. Made sense. As Lily had assumed – psychological conditioning. “Very well. I order you to apparate to St. Mungo’s, escape their guards, traps and other precautions, et cetera, and return safely and undetected. Oh, and don’t tell Lily I ordered you to do anything, just let her think you did it of your own accord, right?”

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.” The house elf disapparated with a resounding cracking noise.

That was that. He needed an alibi for his visit to Petunia, and he couldn’t well talk to Dumbledore right now, or the man might notice that Severus wasn’t nearly as upset as he should have been, considering that Lily was missing, presumed dead.

**

Lily grew worried quickly after Lizzy had left. What task might Sev have for her that took her so long? It could be something harmless – the house elf had said something about her needing proper food, so perhaps that ... but still, it was uncomfortable to be so entirely alone.

After what felt like hours but could just as well have been mere minutes, she heard the characteristical cracking noise of house elf apparition. “I went to see James Potter”, the house elf announced. “And I told him he needn’t worry about you, madam. Mr Snape thought you would like that.”


Sev had never been this thoughtful when they were younger. Or had he been? No, not when it came to people he couldn’t stand. He had never understood how much it had pained her that Petunia hadn’t talked to her, back then.

“He didn’t order me to do it”, Lizzy added. “I did it of my own accord.”

That didn’t sound entirely truthful. Had he forced the house elf to go and see James?

“Of course I only decided, of my own accord, to do it, after he told me that you had a husband and where to find him”, Lizzy continued, quite smugly.

Ah. Of course. So typical. Too proud to admit he had wasted a thought on James’ wellbeing, he must have tried to order a free elf to lie about this.

**

Severus didn’t have to wait long for Dumbledore’s next visit, which came a couple of days later. “Lily is alive”, the Headmaster said before sitting down in the rarely used second armchair in Severus’ living room. “When I attempted to send her a message with my patronus, it flew off as they usually do, but then turned back in a circle. Only a powerful dark wizard could devise a spell that wards against a patronus. Can you think of any ... acquaintance who might be able to ...?”

It was a good thing that Severus knew patronuses could be used this way and therefore had thought to ward against them – he hadn’t found it particularly difficult, just a slight change of the spell that warded against owls being used that way. Either Dumbledore suspected something, or thought any magic that interfered with patronuses must be dark.

“Quite a few, but they ought to be in Azkaban. The Dark Lord himself would have found it easy ... Lily could have been brought to a location the Dark Lord used to frequent.” Not a lie, even. The Dark Lord had attended Hogwarts, after all.

“Of course! His magic would be lingering.” Dumbledore sounded as if this confirmed one of his own theories. He had said some things over the past couple of months that made Severus suspect that the Dark Lord was not as dead as most people wished he was. “How is your research?”

“Making very little progress.” Mostly because of the sheer enormity of the task, but also because he was busy arranging things for Lily. Lizzy was incredibly helpful, but she still needed a list of favourite foods Lily would still like in mashed form – she had loved spaghetti, but definitely wouldn’t like a gooey mass of pasta-like substance – and lists of Lily’s favourite smells, books, fabrics, et cetera. It was a good thing he had committed all those little things to memory. “I thought of trying some new ingredient, something that’s never been used before. Phoenix tears have all kinds of interesting uses ... I thought, perhaps, her son’s tears would wake Lily ... or, of course, her husband. It isn’t likely he noticed anything when she was abducted, but I am grasping at straws here.” If he could wake Lily, it didn’t matter if he went to Azkaban for the abduction.

Dumbledore nodded. “I would try legilimency, but I have already confirmed what the healers say, the memory of pain is at the forefront of their minds, I had to retreat before I could find out anything. If you can wake James ... tears ... quite unorthodox, but I could see it work.”

“Her son is staying with her sister, isn’t he? May I visit? It should not take long.”

“Ah, but of course, Severus. I have been meaning to send someone to check in on her and little Harry anyway. She might be a bit overwhelmed with both him and her own little boy to take care of.”

Severus had to occlude heavily and hide his grin. This was going exactly the way he had hoped. “Possibly. I might have to take him here for a few hours, as I can’t exactly make him cry to collect his tears, and I would loathe to stay at Petunia’s for so long. You know I can’t stand her.”

“I am sure she has changed since you last saw her, Severus. You are all adults now, after all.” But Dumbledore didn’t say anything against taking Harry to Hogwarts, which meant one less thing he had to hide.

“Very well. I shall go visit her Monday morning, as I have no desire to meet her husband.”

**

Lizzy did everything to make Lily feel at home, even read her books. One meal a day was mashed potatos with some mashed vegetable or the other, and chocolate pudding for dessert.

Sev must have told the house elf that was her favourite.

And that was exactly what the problem was. Sev never fed her dinner. Or sat with her. Oh, he visited every evening, stayed a couple of minutes, sometimes asked Lizzy some questions, then vanished again. He never talked to her, never read to her, never did anything other than ascertain that Lizzy did a good job caring for her.
The kindest thing he’d done was use a spell that would have diagnosed physical harm done to her – apparently he didn’t even fully trust the house elf.

Of course he wanted to focus on his research, she understood that. And it wasn’t like she wasn’t very well cared for. In fact, she felt a bit bad for not being content with the house elf’s company. Lizzy was so nice and helpful.

Lily understood why Sev couldn’t risk telling any of her friends where she was, and when he had taken her away, he probably had acted impulsively and hadn’t wasted a thought on James, which she could understand, too.

But why didn’t he even talk to her? Remus hadn’t always talked much, just said hello and goodbye and so on, but ...

Severus had said goodnight to her, the first night, she recalled. Yes. He had talked to her. Right up until ... Lizzy had told her of a fight with Dumbledore. Severus claiming she wanted him to rot in prison.

Did he resent her for that? Was that why he didn’t want to talk to her?

**

Severus sat in his armchair, reading yet another ancient tome. Using tears of Lily’s son as potion ingredient was a very farfetched idea, and he had originally only intended to throw Dumbledore off track with it, but if Dumbledore thought there was a chance it might work, it was worth a try.
In ancient times, using human body liquids as ingredient had been a lot more common ... of course, blood was a favourite.

There was a resurrection ritual that used blood, bones and flesh, but only worked if there was some remnant of soul tethered to the earth, which couldn’t be a ghost – Severus wasn’t quite sure what that meant, it seemed to hint at yet darker magic having to be used before the ritual could be used to return to a semblance of life.

He took a sip of tea. The cup had already cooled down.

“Mr. Snape, sir.”

“Yes?” It seemed Lizzy wanted to request yet another thing Lily absolutely needed – and he would, of course, be happy to provide.

“If you aren’t working, you should sit with Lily.”

Oh. Of course he would be happy to do so, but ... “She made it quite clear, the last time we spoke, she didn’t want to talk to me ever again. I would rather not bother her.” He swallowed, emptying his mind as Dumbledore had taught him in the Occlumency lessons. Too late, though, he felt tears forming in his eyes already.

Lizzy gently closed the bedroom door. “Why? What did you do?”

“I called her a - ” He could not bring himself to repeat it. “A very bad slur for muggleborns.”

“Why?”

“I have no idea. Perhaps because I felt humiliated by needing her help?” He liked to tell himself he had done it so that his friends in Slytherin wouldn’t think he cared about her, but he couldn’t honestly claim to have had many tactical thoughts when doing it. “And before you ask, yes, I did apologize. She still didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Lizzy frowned. “I am just a house elf, but I don’t think another apology would hurt. People like to hear apologies.”

“Lily doesn’t.” He had hoped, when he had camped in front of the Fat Lady’s portrait, that if he just humiliated himself enough, Lily’s wounded feelings would be soothed. But she had been unforgiving. With good reason, as it turned out. Even in his deepest regret about insulting her, he hadn’t realized that by joining the Dark Lord, he would inevitably harm her. He had been a fool. “I probably should just have left her in the hospital, just remove the threat, but I wasn’t thinking clearly.” There had been this visceral need to keep Lily safe, to keep her close.

“Oh no, this hospital is horrible! Her husband just lies there all day, no one ever talks to him when he doesn’t get visitors. You did right by taking her here.” With that, Lizzy returned to the bedroom.

**

“Mr. Snape is still up. Reading a book.” Lizzy complained. Why complain about that? “I know he wants to work on a cure, but he really should keep you company if he isn’t in his laboratory. I will go talk to him.”

Lily heard the door open.

“Mr. Snape, sir”, Lizzy said, sounding only a tad bit shy.

“Yes?”

“If you aren’t working, you should sit with Lily.”

“She made it quite clear, the last time we spoke, she didn’t want to talk to me ever again. I would rather not bother her”, Severus replied in a defiant tone that Lily remembered all too well. She could also hear the tears in his voice.

The door closed, and Lily didn’t hear anything else of the conversation, no matter how much she strained her ears.

At last, Lizzy returned. “He says you don’t want him here. I wish you could tell me if that’s true. If it is, you needn’t worry, I won’t try to change his mind.”

Lily had been very angry at him, yes, and perhaps she would have grown to resent his presence if he had acted like he assumed he was forgiven. But he hadn’t, and she wished Lizzy could get him to change his mind. But whom was she kidding? No one could change Severus’ mind when he had decided on something.

**

“You.” Petunia glared at him.

Severus hadn’t expected anything else. “Yes, I. You know what happened to Lily?”

Petunia sneered. “That she’s in a coma thanks to your kind? It is not like I could forget that, being saddled with her son.”

Ah, so she did not know Lily had vanished. Perhaps it was better that way. “I am working on a potion against what you call coma. It is uncertain whether I will succeed, but right now, my only chance is to collect some tears from her son. To that purpose, I think it would be best if he stayed with me for a day.”

“For a day? You can keep him.” She turned and beckoned him inside.

“There is no need.”

“Yes, there is.” Petunia went to the cupboard under the stairs and opened the door.

Severus was about to inquire what she was looking for when he saw it. Or rather, him.

There was a baby in the cupboard. The small mattress did nothing to hide the fact that Petunia had put Lily’s son in a cupboard.

“What? A cupboard? You put Lily’s child in a cupboard?” He tried very hard to calm his temper, but he had never been a patient man.

“Don’t give me that look! He’s just a baby, he doesn’t need more space. And he could have stayed in the nursery if he weren’t so freaky!”

Perhaps a baby really did not need more space, but he ought to have a cot. Something about the ground being cold, Severus wasn’t an expert, but he was sure there was a reason other people didn’t put their babies on the ground. “He is a baby. How could he be, as you put it, freaky?”

“He turned the walls yellow! We painted Dudley’s room blue, and he turned the wallpaper yellow! There’s no telling what else he could do to my Dudders!’

“Don’t you have a spare room?” It was quite the spacious house.

“We used to, until this freak turned the walls yellow and now Vernon has to repaint everything!”

“For Merlin’s sake woman, it is a colour! It doesn’t matter! It –” He noticed a quiet noise and looked at the baby again. Lily’s son was crying.

Severus was about to collect the tears when he realized that doing so would render his excuse useless. He always had all kinds of containers with him to be able to collect rare substances he happened to come across, but Petunia didn’t know that.

“No matter, now”, he said. “Do you have any old clothes of Lily’s? Something that belonged to her would be useful in my potion as well.” Lily would have something to wear that she had chosen herself.

“Why would I have anything of hers? It’s not like I had the time to nose about in that house of hers. Not that I wanted.”

“But you have the key?”

“Yes”, Petunia ground out. “You can have it if you take the boy and keep him.”

“I have every intention to”, Severus said smoothly. Whether Dumbledore would agree to that was another thing entirely, but if Petunia was willing to give him the key based on mere intentions ...

“I’ll fetch it.”

Severus knelt down. “Why are you crying?”, he asked, as gently as he could.

The baby didn’t answer, just regarded him with wide eyes. Weren’t they supposed to start talking at this age? Oh, well. He took a phial from his pocket and collected some of the tears that were still rolling down little Harry’s face.

Then, he put the phial in his pocket. “You will come with me. I take you to see your mother. You want to see her again, do you?”

No reaction. Well, the child might not actually remember. He’d just have to hope Harry wouldn’t struggle.


“There.” Petunia had returned. “The key. Now take him away.”

Severus snatched the key from her hand and pocketed it. Then he carefully reached for Harry.

The baby didn’t put up any resistance. This wasn’t right. Shouldn’t even a baby who couldn’t speak yet be a bit more averse to being held by a stranger?

Only when he held Harry close to his chest did he notice that the little body was shaking. Was he cold? No wonder with that inadequate bedding.

Severus disapparated on the spot.

It was freezing cold outside, he realized too late. Now, the only thing he could do was cast a weak warming charm – couldn’t risk overheating the child – and wrap his cloak around Harry.

He ran all the way up to the castle and only slowed his steps when he had to descend the stairs. It would not do to fall while carrying a baby.

When he had arrived at his quarters, he took a closer look at Harry. The child had stopped crying, but the snot still clung to his face and there were all kinds of stains on his clothing. And on top of all that, there was a slight smell of urine emanating from the baby. Was he still in diapers, or had he wet himself?

“Lizzy?”

The house elf apparated into the living room. “Yes, sir?” Her eyes immediately fixed on Harry.

“Do you know anything about babies? I thought Lily might want to see her son ...”

“Lizzy doesn’t ... I don’t know much, but I will find someone who does.”

“Dumbledore knows I took Harry here, to collect his tears for the potion. You can be open about it with other house elves, just make sure no one finds out about Lily.” He carefully placed the baby on the couch. “I shall leave him with you for a moment, I have to fetch some things.”

He knew Lily had lived in Godric’s Hollow, and it didn’t take him long to locate the house.

Would she want him to be here? Certainly not, but she would want to wear her own clothes, wouldn’t she?

He unlocked the door and walked in. Everything was covered in a thick layer of dust.

The first room he tried was lovingly decorated as a child’s bedroom, but there was no bed there. Only a padded table – must be some baby related thing – and stacks and stacks of muggle diapers. He would take some of those, he decided

In the next room he tried, there was a bed for an adult and a cot next to it. Of course, Lily wouldn’t have let her baby sleep in a separate room.

The wardrobe was exactly what he had hoped for. Lily was not the kind of person who owned more clothes than necessary, but there were the robes Lily had worn to the ball – a ball she had gone to with James Potter, but she had looked lovely nevertheless.

But she wouldn’t need to dress for a ball anytime soon.

A couple of nice green robes that would do in a pinch, they looked comfortable enough, but still not – ah, here were the nightgowns. Severus rifled through them, pausing at one made of green silk. That would be perfect – oh. It was much too short, and also see-through. Something not worn for comfort but for ... for titillation. Bile rose in his throat as he imagined Potter seeing her in that. No, this would not do. Lily would rip his head off, and rightly so, if he dared dress her in that. Or rather, Lizzy would rip his head off if he asked her to dress Lily in that, but the result would be the same.

He continued his search and found an emerald green nightgown made of some thick, velvety material and, he estimated, floor length, if Lily could ever stand up in it. Which she couldn’t.

When he returned to Hogwarts, nightgown securely hidden under his robes, diapers and baby clothes only slightly covered by his cloak, it was already noon. Lunchtime. Not that he would usually attend.

He made his way to his quarters undisturbed by students or teachers, and was greeted by the sight of a clean and non-smelly baby in the arms of a house elf he wasn’t acquainted with.

“Thank you”, he said, but before he could continue, the house elf had the audacity to shush him.

“Conny just got him to sleep”, she whispered.

Oh, fine. Babies probably needed their sleep.


He occupied himself with transfiguring his armchair into a cot for a baby. He thought of the one in Godric’s Hollow, and aimed for something similar.

When he succeeded, Conny the house elf put Harry into it and instructed Severus to call her anytime the baby needed something.

**

Lily woke to the soft wailing of a baby.

Her thoughts immediately wandered to Harry, but of course that was impossible.
Severus hated Petunia. He would never ...

“Are you still awake madam? Your son is here to visit.”

Her son? Harry? Here?

The wailing stopped abruptly.

“Now, now, little one, don’t squirm so much, or Lizzy won’t be able to hold you. There, be careful with your mummy, she is sleeping very deeply.”

She felt a warm weight next to her, and thought she could smell Harry’s breath.

And now, he was talking, not fully formed words, strangely, she had hoped he would have started to talk ... how old was he now?

But it was definitely Harry.