“Professor Snape, where were you yesterday?” Harry asked as soon as his fellow students cleared out of the classroom. “Everyone said that you weren’t in class and there were all kinds of crazy rumors going around! Some of the Slytherins said that you told them that you’d left to join the wizarding circus but I didn’t really believe them, I mean it just didn’t make much sen-”

“First things first, there is no such thing as a wizarding circus, so don’t go on believing in that. If wizards want to join the circus they have ample opportunity, as the muggle world is all about equal rights. Even if they don’t realize they are hiring wizards…”

“Oh, well, that’s nice,” Harry said, nibbling on his lower lip. “I mean, discrimination is bad and I’ve been thinking from the start how strange this segregated world is, so it’s cool that wizards and Muggles have the same circus, at least. Still, you’re not thinking of leaving Hogwarts to join the circus, are you?”

Severus nearly smiled at the child. “No, I don’t have any plans on quitting my stable job as a professor in order to join the circus. This school is more than enough of a circus for me as it is.”

Harry giggled at his response and Severus couldn’t help it; he smiled at him now. At least no one else was there to witness it.

“Where were you, then?” Harry asked, taking a seat on one of the stools at the front of the classroom. “If not training to become a clown?”

Severus’ mind instantly flashed back to his discussion with Harry’s relatives the day before, where that Dursley oaf had referred to him as a rodeo clown. It made him both humorous and somber.

“I simply had some things to take care of outside of Hogwarts yesterday,” Severus said, offering a half-answer to Harry’s question. “Nothing to concern yourself over.”

“Oh, okay,” Harry replied easily, swinging his legs back and forth on the stool and seemingly having no plans of leaving any time soon. Severus found that he didn’t really mind his presence.

“How are you, Harry?” he ventured after a moment, making a show of sorting through some papers on his desk. Harry’s motion stilled and any previous signs of joy disappeared from his features.

“F-fine, Professor,” Harry responded, practically shrinking under Severus’ gaze.

Severus paused in his actions. “It’s quite alright if you’re not doing so well.”

Harry shrugged and started to swing his legs again, albeit slower now. “I’m okay, really. Just kind of… I dunno. Things feel a little weird, I guess.”

Severus nodded. He knew that Harry must be feeling very unbalanced right now. He had been through so much in just the past couple of days, not to mention how much his world had changed in the last month or so.

“I can imagine. I’ve been wondering, Harry… what do you think about talking to someone about what you’re going through, and maybe they could help you sort through your feelings about it all?”

“I’m talking to you, aren’t I?” Harry asked, frowning.

“Yes, and you can talk to me at any time. But I’m referring to someone a bit more… experienced.”

“So like a shrink,” Harry said flatly.

“A psychiatrist, yes…”

“I’m not crazy.”

It was Severus’ turn to frown. “I’m not suggesting that you are.”

“Then why do I have to see a shrink? Only crazy people need one!” Harry hopped off the desk, shoes landing on the stone with a thunk.

“That is most certainly not true and you don’t have to see one, I am simply asking your opinion because I believe that it would be beneficial to your mental health.”

Harry crossed his arms against his chest, though it came across as more defensive than defiant. “I don’t want to.”

Severus lifted his shoulders in a small shrug before going back to the papers on his desk. “Then you won’t.”

A pause. “That’s it?”

“Well I’m not going to make you,” said Severus. “Even though I believe you are under a false premonition in regards to psychology.”

“…Why?”

“Because millions of people see therapists and it’s nothing to be ashamed of, it’s actually a very courageous-“

“No, I mean, why aren’t you going to make me?”

Severus looked back up. “Because, perhaps in contrast to what you have been made to believe thus far, you do have the right to make certain decisions when it comes to your life. I’m not going to force you into something you are so clearly against, and therapy typically works best when it’s done under free will, anyway.”

Harry seemed puzzled. “Well… okay. I- I still would rather not do it. I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize for it is, as I said before, your choice, and I respect your decision.”

Harry still seemed confused and hesitant, but he nodded eventually. “Thank you, Professor.”

***

The snickers of his classmates echoed loudly in his ears as Harry picked himself up off the stone floor. He lifted a hand to touch his throbbing lip and it came away stained with blood.

“Come on,” Susan Bones murmured beside him, draping an arm across his back and leading him off to who knows where. Harry didn’t really care, Susan had been very kind to him since the start and he trusted her. Not that trusting someone meant that they wouldn’t hurt you, of course, but he figured the likelihood of someone screwing him over terribly bad once again was fairly slim.

“Can’t believe Harry Potter turned out to be a sniffling little Hufflepuff,” one of the Slytherin boys could be heard jeering behind them as they departed the corridor where Harry had been tripped. “All this time we’d been expecting a hero and instead we got stuck with this.”

Harry wanted to turn around and tell the bully to fuck off, and that just because he was a Hufflepuff didn’t necessarily mean that he couldn’t pack a punch (even if he couldn’t, that was beside the point), but Susan’s firm hand kept him from making the move, and he knew that it wouldn’t change anything, anyway. Some people were just born to be ignorant pricks.

“Where are we going?” Harry asked once they’d turned the corner away from the Hufflepuff dorms.

“Madam Pomfrey,” responded Susan. “You look a mess.”

Harry raised a hand to his mouth again and winced at the pain. He definitely had a busted lip, but it wasn’t the end of the world. “I really don’t need to go to the hospital wing, Susan.”

Susan rolled her eyes and kept trudging on. “You’re literally bleeding. You could just wait a few painful days for it to heal, sure, or you could have Madam Pomfrey fix it in, like, two seconds.”

Harry simply sighed, resigned to his fate though still not too terribly keen on seeing the matron again so soon after his last little visit that ended in way too many tears and snotty noses. Just his, though, because apparently, he was the only other person in the castle who seemed to feel the need to cry on a daily basis, which was why some of his classmates found him to be a perfect target.

Even his fellow Hufflepuffs didn’t seem to constantly be on the brink of an emotional meltdown, though at least they had all been very kind to him about it all. Susan, in particular, had become someone he could possibly refer to as a friend, and Hannah Abbott had shown an absurd amount of friendliness towards him. It was just so strange to have people not hate Harry as soon as they met him, it was a bit of a mental whirlwind.

Ernie Macmillan and Justin Finch-Fletchley had also been really nice to Harry, but he was still having a hard time feeling comfortable in the dorm room. No one made him feel uncomfortable, really, but everyone else just seemed so in place while Harry was simply there.

No one ever excluded him, yet he didn’t totally feel like he was included in the whole Hogwarts experience. Even Justin, who also came from a Muggle background, seemed to be more at ease with his surroundings than Harry, and Harry had technically been at Hogwarts longer than any of the other first-years.

Then there was Draco Malfoy, who was just a prat, along with the two goons who followed him around everywhere. Even some of the older Slytherins weren’t all that nice to him, and for what reason? Because he existed? Well, the Dursleys never needed any more reason than that, so it was nothing new.

The other houses were okay, he supposed. Ravenclaws seemed to make a conscious effort to ignore him (also nothing new) and the Gryffindors, while not unkind, were far too rambunctious for Harry to even consider interacting with.

Everyone seemed to be aware of where they belonged once they were placed in their houses while Harry still felt as though he was waiting in line to be sorted. Not that he thought he belonged in a different house, exactly, it was more like he just didn’t know if he belonged in any house at all.

He knew that he was somehow different from his peers, and he hated it. And it wasn’t just the whole Harry Potter is famous thing he was still trying to wrap his head around, there was also the coming to terms with the fact that his parents were apparently murdered, somewhat being bullied by a few of his classmates, everything that had occurred in his life before Hogwarts, and not to mention that one night stay in the hospital wing...

Harry had a lot going on at the moment, and to add adjusting to his new lifestyle on top of all that… It was just a bit much.

So, yeah, he supposed that he wasn’t terribly happy these days, but it could be a lot worse. Going to see Madam Pomfrey once more was just another inconvenience to add to the ever-growing list of tragedies.

They arrived at the hospital wing far sooner than Harry might have hoped and Susan ushered him over towards Madam Pomfrey’s office where she knocked on the door frame.

The matron came out and looked the two of them up and down, frowning when her eyes landed on Harry’s face. “Mr. Potter, what have you gotten into?”

“Some prat-”

“I tripped,” Harry said, cutting off Susan’s explanation. She sent him a glare but didn’t attempt to continue. He had tripped, after all. What did it matter if someone helped him along the way?

Madam Pomfrey didn’t seem to believe him, but didn’t question it any further. “Well, come along, then. Let’s get you fixed up,” she said, leading him over to sit on a bed. It was the same one he had slept in the other night. Great. Somehow he had a feeling that he and this hospital bed would become well acquainted with one another over the next several years.

The matron rummaged through her storage cupboard for a moment before coming back with a thing of… ChapStick. Harry raised his eyebrows.

“Don’t give me that look, young man,” Madam Pomfrey said as sternly as she could manage. “It’s a healing lip balm. One use will fix that split lip but you should keep it with you, as I can imagine this won’t be the last time you’ll be needing it.”

Harry flushed as he accepted the lip balm, running it over his lips before pocketing it. He smiled as he could feel it doing it’s job.

“Better?” Madam Pomfrey asked as she dabbed the specks of blood off his chin with a wet flannel. It was entirely unnecessary and Harry felt his appreciation for her swell because of it.

“Yes, ma’am,” Harry confirmed.

Madam Pomfrey nodded. “Good. Now, I would have preferred if you didn’t have to come here, but I was actually hoping to see you at some point so that I could talk to you about something…” she trailed off, glancing over at Susan who was standing silently next to the bed.

“...Yes?” Harry ventured, hoping it wasn’t too personal, whatever it was. He couldn’t very well tell Susan to bug off, could he?

“Well, it’s just that… I spoke to Professor Snape recently, and he told me about what you and he discussed a few days ago.”

“Oh…” Harry said, pretty sure he knew what conversation she was referring to.

“I think that it would be a good idea,” she continued. “It certainly wouldn’t hurt to try and I was hoping that you might reconsider your decision.”

Harry shrugged as he lifted himself up off the bed. “Thank you, Madam Pomfrey, but… I’m good, really. Professor Snape said that it was my choice, and I just- don’t want to. I don’t need to, either.”

Madam Pomfrey’s lips turned further downward, but she didn’t fight him on it. Susan may have been his saving grace there, as the matron didn’t seem to want to go into further detail while she was present, thankfully. Harry could only handle so much embarrassment in a single day.

“Alright, well, you two please try to refrain from injuring yourselves further,” she said as the pair of students made their way to the exit.

“I didn’t get injured at all, ma’am,” Susan smiled sweetly. Goody two shoes.

They left the hospital wing and started to trek down to the Hufflepuff common room in silence. It wasn’t until they’d reached the dungeons that Susan spoke up.

“I don’t mean to pry so excuse me if I’m being rude,” she said, “but what was Madam Pomfrey talking about wanting you to try?”

Harry’s first instinct was to evade the question, but then he started to think about it. Susan had been perhaps his first real friend, considering Gary apparently hadn’t been his friend at all, which was a whole can of worms he was just trying to avoid thinking about, and Professor Snape wasn’t exactly a friend, more of a… Well, either way, Susan was definitely the first friend Harry had that was anywhere near the same age as himself and friends were supposed to confide in one another, weren’t they?

“It’s, well…” Harry sighed, feeling his cheeks heating up. “She and Professor Snape want me to see a therapist, I guess.”

Harry expected Susan to laugh or for her face to scrunch up in disgust, but instead she just nodded and seemed to consider. “It’s not such a bad idea. I mean, I’ve seen one from time to time.”

“You- you have?” Harry asked, surprised. Susan didn’t seem like the kind of person who needed professional help with their issues, unlike him, apparently.

Susan hummed, pulling on the straps of her knapsack as they walked. “You know how it is. Most of my family was murdered by You-Know-Who, so it’s just my aunt and me. It’s been that way for as long as I can remember, but still… an orphan is an orphan and we long for what could have been, you know? Of course you do, you’re like the most famous orphan in the world.

“Anyway, the point I’m trying to get at here is, therapy has really helped me get through some things, and I’d recommend it to anyone. If Professor Snape and Madam Pomfrey think that you should try it… perhaps you should give it a chance.”

“I don’t know,” Harry said. “What if we have nothing to talk about? What if they just sit there and wait for me to come up with something to say until my face is so hot that I spontaneously combust from the inside out due to the awkwardness?”

Susan laughed. “They’re like professional talkers, Harry. They usually start out by asking you questions to get to know you. Besides, I’m sure that you have a boatload of childhood trauma to fill the silence, I mean, don’t we all?”

Harry snorted but didn’t disagree.

“So?” Susan said, giving him a little nudge with her shoulder as they approached the entry to the common room. “What are you thinking?”

Harry was unsure what he was thinking, exactly. He knew that not only did Professor Snape think it was a good idea to try therapy, but Madam Pomfrey and his first friend did as well, so basically the three most important people he had met upon his entry to wizarding society.

He knew that the idea of seeing a shrink was something his Aunt Petunia would stick her nose up at, which made the prospect all the more terrifying yet also just the slightest bit appealing. He’d never been much of a rebel and had for the most part obeyed his relatives’ every command, but he did know that they weren’t always right. In fact, they were usually wrong when it came to things like this.

So if all the signs were pointing towards giving it a try, why was Harry still feeling so reluctant? Was the idea of receiving help really so daunting that he would allow it to prevent himself from achieving a possible happiness?

And Harry was happy, really, he was. He was living in a magical castle, attending a magical school to learn magic spells, surrounded by magical people, a few of whom might genuinely care about him. It was all so magical and beautiful and stunning and how could he not be happy?

But Harry knew that he was struggling to truly appreciate it all because deep down, he was terrified that it could all be taken away from him just as easily as it had been given. Good things did not happen to Harry Potter, which was why he often had bad dreams and acted like a baby and trusted the wrong people and was let down time and time again, and always ended up alone.

As horrible as people could be, Harry really, really hated being lonely.

Harry couldn’t exactly be happy when he was so scared of losing the potential for happiness. So really, Harry wasn’t happy at all. He was petrified and he wanted someone to help fix it. He knew that all he had to do was ask, but that, of course, was just as intimidating of an aspect as everything else.

“I dunno,” he said, biting his lip and then instantly regretting it as it wasn’t fully healed quite yet.

“Go on,” said Susan. “Just tell Professor Snape that you’ll try it. If you don’t like it you can always quit, but you’ll never know if you never try.”

She was right, Harry realized. Sometimes the simplest of things seemed terrifying, but Harry didn’t want to live in fear. He was a Hufflepuff, not a Gryffindor, but did that mean that he couldn’t be brave?

It was with that thought that he parted ways with Susan at the entrance of the common room and turned to seek out his favorite professor on the other side of the dungeons.