The letters from Molly and Sirius had gone unanswered for so long that Harry was starting to feel anxiety over them. Molly had started writing around Valentine's day, which was just a few days after Harry had made a fool of himself shouting at the whole of Gryffindor common room. Harry had finally stood up for himself and let people know he was done being stepped on just because it was convenient for them to always believe the worst in him. Some of the Gryffindors must have thought he was silly, because they hadn't done anything to him, and Neville had almost said as much, but others like Dean and Seamus had apologized to him, and Ron had gone out of his way in the weeks following to try to make amends to Harry.

Hermione had apologized to him too, but things remained strained between Harry, Ron and Hermione through February and into the beginning of March. It took them some time to find the rhythm of their friendship again. Hermione too had been trying to show Harry that she valued his friendship and wouldn't tread on it again as she had. While Hermione hadn't directly disowned Harry like Ron and his brothers had, she had chosen to stay out of the conflict to the point of acting as though she and Harry weren't friends at all. Harry hadn't found out until after he and Ron had made up that Hermione hadn't been spending time with him either unless it was to tell him off for creating the issue between the three of them in the first place.

Now Harry was halfway into the first week of summer and he felt like the issue with his friends had been settled. He felt like it was over and done with and not something he had to worry about anymore or think too much about. It was a blip in their friendship, albeit a big one, but one they'd worked past nonetheless. Ron had treaded so lightly around Harry in those weeks and months following that he'd barely said a word about Harry's new friendship with Draco, Teddy and Pansy. Ron didn't want to hang out with them, but if Harry went to spend time at Slytherin table or the library with them he didn't kick up a fuss, and sometimes even went along, even if he had chosen to remain silent until he was fully amongst Gryffindors again.

Despite that things were settled with his friends, and while Harry would like to think the ‘blip' in his sixth year was one that was completely dealt with, the unanswered stack of letters from Molly and Sirius said otherwise.

When Harry and Ron had fought, resulting in Ron's broken nose and Ron letting everyone believe Harry had started the fight or hit him for no reason at all, Fred and George had gone home for Christmas and told Molly and Sirius about it. Molly, being Ron's mother had stuck by her child, and had decided not to send Harry the usual knitted jumper or any Christmas greetings at all. According to the twins Sirius had decided to punish Harry by not sending his gift to him over Christmas either.

Harry had tried to be logical about the Weasley's easy dismissal of him over the holiday. Fred and George were Ron's brothers, not Harry's, so they had to take Ron's side. And Molly was Ron's mother, not Harry's, and it was in her nature to be fiercely protective of her children. Harry understood why they'd reacted to the fight as they had, but it didn't make it any easier for him to accept. Over the years Harry had been so easily accepted by the Weasleys he'd let himself believe he was part of their family. Once when he'd spent the summer with them Molly had gone as far as to say he might as well be one of her own. Harry had believed her. It was the reason why what she and the twins had done had stung so much. Harry had spent so many Christmasses and birthdays alone wishing for a family to celebrate with... wishing for the Weasleys to celebrate with. When Ron had invited Harry to go home with him for Christmas it was all that Harry had wanted and wished for. He had been looking forward to it and to knowing he wouldn't be alone for yet another holiday. Then he and Ron had fought and Harry had been left behind at school for the holiday alone again and forgotten about. As an orphan he was easy to set aside.

Harry had tried to console himself over the months by telling himself, ‘at least they had a reason,' for what little comfort that was. Sirius didn't have a reason though. He was Harry's godfather, not Ron's. He was the guardian Harry's parents had appointed for him should something happen to them... a father for him in case he didn't have one. But Sirius had set him aside too as though it were nothing. It was all made worse in Harry's mind by the fact that the Weasley's had spent Christmas at Grimmuald Place with Harry's Godfather. They'd all made a merry Christmas of it while Harry was left to his own devices at Hogwarts, completely forgotten about. The only one who hadn't spent Christmas with them was Hermione who had taken the opportunity to escape the conflict by going home to her parents for the holiday.

When the first letter from Molly had arrived in February Harry had been wary, wondering if she had sent a letter to scold him for breaking her son's nose. Even though it wasn't a red howler he had taken the letter to the privacy of the 5th year boy's dorms. Instead of words of recrimination he'd been surprised to find an apology. One of her children had written to her to tell her the truth of what had happened and how things had been started by Ron.

‘I'm so incredibly sorry Harry,' she had written. ‘I had no idea Ronald would treat you that way and I'm sorry for my own actions as well.'

He hadn't been expecting her to apologize. He had no idea how to respond to her letter though. He'd forgiven his friends, and he felt like he should forgive her as well. She'd only been doing what any mother would do, wouldn't she? But what had happened with her and Sirius still sat wrong with Harry. It couldn't all be resolved in a letter could it? Ron had promised Harry he would never throw their friendship away like he had again, and Harry had promised Ron he wouldn't let him. Molly had made no such promises. He didn't want to be pulled back into a family he could never be a part of. At the first sign of trouble with any of her children, she would set Harry aside like he meant nothing to them again. Harry wished he knew what it was like to have his own mother there to stick up for him, and had spent a long time after that first letter from Molly trying to imagine what it would be like if Lily were alive.

When Harry didn't respond to her first letter, she sent another in the middle of March, apologizing again and asking if there was anything Harry needed. ‘Do you have enough parchment and ink to get you through the rest of the school year? Are you eating enough? Do you need some new socks?'

This letter too went unanswered. Harry did have enough parchment and ink because he'd told Professor McGonagall he was running out and she'd given him some. He was eating enough, and while he did need some new items of clothing, he didn't think he should ask her for any. She wasn't his mother and while it had taken him some time to really come to terms with that, he had decided it would be best if he didn't act like she was. Mrs. Weasley sent him a pair of socks and some ink and parchment anyway. He used them, but didn't write back to thank her as her third letter went into his top desk drawer with the others.

It was after her third letter when Sirius started writing. His first letter acted as though nothing had happened at all. He didn't apologize or make mention of the incident with Ron, or of Christmas. ‘Hey kiddo, how are you doing? Easter holiday is coming up. Are you up to spending the holiday with me at Headquarters? What team are you playing next? If I remember right there's always a Quidditch match right around Easter.'

Harry seriously thought about replying to Sirius' first letter, and had even pulled out a quill and parchment to do so. He couldn't find the right thing to say to his godfather though. How did he respond to questions about Easter and Quidditch when he had so much to say to him about what had happened over Christmas? He was afraid to respond to the question about Easter at all, because he didn't want to be punished by having a trip to Grimmuald Place cancelled because he'd done something wrong. Sirius' letter ended up in the drawer with Molly's letters.

More letters had followed from both of them through the end of the school year. Sirius had written to ask if Harry was getting his letters, and then again to ask what was wrong and if someone was keeping Harry from writing. A final letter from Sirius the night before the term ended asked Harry to go home with him for the summer and to meet him at the train station. Harry hadn't gone home on the train though, he'd gone to the dungeons with his things instead and knocked on Snape's office door the morning the train had departed and asked if he could still stay with him. The man had signed a ‘contract' earlier in the year to show Harry he was serious about Harry staying with him, and Harry wanted to take him up on the offer. He couldn't return to the Dursleys, and he didn't know how to return to Sirius or the Weasleys, who had also invited him to stay with them for the summer.

Harry and his two stacks of unanswered letters moved into Snape's quarters without Dumbledore's permission, though the Headmaster seemed willing to give Harry a break after the issues he'd struggled with that year.

"What do I tell them when you don't get off the train with us?" Ron had asked him before leaving Hogwarts.

"Tell them I went home with the Malfoys," Harry had said. Ron knew he was headed for the Dungeons to stay with Snape, and Harry didn't know if he had told his parents and Sirius that Harry had gone home with the Malfoys or not. He almost wished Ron had, and as the first few days of summer passed uneventfully in Snape's quarters, Harry toyed with the idea of answering Sirius and Molly's new letters with something like, ‘I'm joining the Death Eaters. Draco and the Slytherins have been so nice to me they've convinced me I'll have a home with Voldemort.'

The only thing that stopped him from writing it was that he didn't want a visit from Sirius.

"Sir?" Harry asked Snape Thursday morning. Snape was sitting in his favorite armchair drinking a cup of coffee and reading the Prophet. Harry had always assumed the staff used the summer to prepare for the next year, but was interested to see they spent most of their free time relaxing.

Snape lowered the paper and raised his brow to indicate he was listening.

"We'll be here all summer right? At Hogwarts I mean?"

"Yes. I sold my home in London almost ten years ago."

"And in the summer the rules for the castle are still the same?"

"As we went over Monday," Snape said.

"I mean, for visitors and stuff? People can't just come visit because they want to? They have to clear it with the Headmaster or something?"

"The Headmaster, McGonagall or myself. Is there someone you wish to invite to the castle?"

"Well, maybe Draco or my other friends," Harry said. "But that's not why I was asking. I was wanting certain people not to visit me. I didn't want them to show up unannounced."

"Who are we talking about specifically?"

"Erm..." he felt awkward now. "Sirius."

"You believe he will come see you?"

"He's been sending letters. He invited me to stay the summer and I didn't respond. He told me to meet him at the train station and when Ron asked what to tell him when I didn't show up I told him to say I went home with the Malfoys."

Snape snorted then and had to set his cup of coffee down so he didn't spill it laughing. The laughter startled Harry. He'd spent some time with Snape in the months since Christmas, but he had yet to see him laugh outright like that.

"And you believe he will come to the castle to check?" He didn't ask why Harry didn't want him to come. He knew how hurt Harry had been after the events surrounding Christmas.

Harry shrugged. "I haven't responded to any of his letters... or Mrs. Weasley's. I was thinking of sending a letter saying to leave me alone because I'm joining the Death Eaters."

"We will talk about what you just said in a moment. How many letters have they sent?"

"A dozen maybe from Mrs. Weasley. Four or five from Sirius."

"If you wish them to stop sending you correspondence you can continue to ignore their letters or send one that states your direct wishes. Unless you want to stir up a hornet's nest I advise against telling anyone you plan on joining Voldemort's ranks."

"I wouldn't really join him," Harry said at Snape's serious look.

"No," he agreed, "but given your new friendships with several Slytherins, one whose father is a Death Eater, and given my connection with the Death Eaters and that you are staying with me, you will bring more trouble on all of us than it's worth dealing with."

"Yes sir."

Harry turned to head out of the dungeons for the day, planning on checking out several books in the library, but Snape cleared his throat and Harry turned to look at him.

"Between you and me," Snape said, picking the Prophet back up again but not looking at Harry, "that sort of thing would best be said in person to your Godfather, preferably when I am present so I can see the look on his face."

"Yes sir," Harry said with a little smile.

* * *

Hogwarts was boring when it was empty. Harry had read through several novels and half a dozen Quidditch books. He had visited Hagrid and Fang daily and even pestered Professor McGonagall in her office several times, though she seemed to enjoy his visits and always offered him tea and chocolate biscuits. There was a difference for Harry between now and when he'd last been here over a holiday. Over Christmas there hadn't been that many students around, but he'd been lonely not because there was nothing to do, but because he knew when students returned he'd still be alone even in the midst of them. Now as Harry roamed the halls and took his broom out to the Pitch by himself, he knew when the students returned his friends would be happy to see him.

Unlike the letters from Sirius and Molly, Harry had been answering his friend's mail regularly. He had even needed to borrow a few school owls so he could respond to all the letters he had been getting.

He used Hedwig to send two letters at a time to the Burrow, one for Ron and one for Ginny. Ron had been sending Harry old Quidditch Magazines, and Ginny had been writing about how much she missed him.

Despite that Harry enjoyed hearing from Hermione, she wrote long detailed letters and Harry found if he only responded to her once a week she wouldn't send as many for him to read.

Even Draco and Teddy had written to him, and Pansy had sent him a letter two weeks after summer holiday had started. Severus had advised Harry to only use school owls when corresponding to his Slytherin friends, and not to sign his name to the letters. He also told Harry to write nothing of real consequence in case Draco's parents looked at the correspondence. He didn't want Harry to reveal anything that could be used against him or Severus. Only a few people knew Harry was staying with Snape, and they were all in the Order. Draco knew Harry was staying at Hogwarts but Harry had made it unclear if he was staying with his Head of House or the Headmaster for the summer. Harry had a feeling Draco knew the truth, but they'd never spoken about it outright.

"You seem to be popular this summer," McGonagall commented to Harry one morning at breakfast, eyeing the stack of mail that had just been delivered to him by several owls. Harry was sitting with McGonagall, Sprout and Hooch at the Ravenclaw table eating breakfast. Over the summer the staff all sat at one student table and wandered in between nine and eleven for breakfast or coffee. Harry found he enjoyed sitting in the Great Hall in the mornings and had been interested to find that the food served to staff in the summer was a bit different than what the elves served during the term. Usually porridge, eggs and pancakes were on the menu each morning along with things like bacon, sausage and fruit. In the summer many of those things were served but there were also pastries, donuts, yogurt and other sweet things on the table.

"Yeah, Friday seems to be a good day for getting mail," Harry told her. For some reason his friends seemed to prefer writing on Fridays and Mondays.

"What are your friends up to this summer?" Madam Hooch asked.

"Let's see," Harry said, pulling open the letter from Hermione. "Hermione's been pestering her parents to take her to this huge bookstore in Bristol for ages and they finally took her. She's been saving up her money since last year. She says she bought eighteen books and her parents bought her another five for getting good grades."

He set that letter down and opened the one from Draco. "Books are also on Draco's mind as he's written me again with recommendations on novels."

Harry informed them that Ron was spending a lazy summer avoiding chores, Ginny had been learning to draw birds and had sent a nice drawing of Hedwig, and Pansy hadn't revealed anything about her summer but wanted to know what Harry was interested in doing for a career after school if he wasn't going to try out for a Quidditch team.

"What are you planning to do?" Professor Sprout asked.

"You wanted to be an auror didn't you?" said Professor McGongall.

"I'm not sure," Harry said truthfully. He wouldn't mind being an auror or a Professional Quidditch player, but he didn't know if he was thrilled about doing either job. "I thought about teaching maybe."

"Really Mr. Potter," Sprout said, sounding impressed. "I had no idea. I always thought Miss Granger would want to teach."

"I think she's interested in law," Harry said. "She wants to get laws changed on Fae rights."

"What is it you want to teach?"

"Defense maybe," Harry said.

"That sounds reasonable given your success with the DA."

"What about the other letters?" McGonagall asked after finishing her blueberry muffin and taking a sip of tea. "It looks like you have a great deal of friends."

"Erm-" Sirius and Molly had both written to him again. In fact, Sirius had written twice. There was also a letter from Remus, and Harry was actually interested in reading that one. "One is from Remus," he said. He opened it and his eyes scanned quickly down it. Remus wanted to know if everything was all right. Sirius had told him Harry had cut off communication with everybody, which wasn't exactly true.

"I think Remus wants to visit," Harry lied. It was more than he could put into a letter to explain it all to Remus and he wished he could speak to him in person. "Is that allowed?" Harry asked McGonagall.

"Oh," said McGonagall with a smile, "I think we can make an exception."

Harry looked up at her and wondered at her smile. He noted the other two professors were smiling too.

"What?"

"He's coming back to teach Defense this year," she said. "I expect he'll be coming to the castle sooner rather than later in the summer."

"Parents won't make a big deal about him being back?"

"The Headmaster has cleared it with the Ministry. With Remus' knowledge of Defense and skill with a wand, they see him as an asset."

"Because of Voldemort?" Harry asked, and Hooch and Sprout gave him an unhappy look for using the name. "Sorry," Harry said. "Because he's on the rise?"

"Something like that. Aurors and the Headmaster will be reworking several security wards over the summer."

Harry thought that was a good thing. Since Voldemort had attacked the Ministry in fifth year he'd gone silent. Harry had had a blissfully uneventful sixth year at school when it came to Voldemort. But he'd been gathering followers to him in his silence and the Ministry was growing uneasy. Harry for his part was just trying not to think about it.

After breakfast Harry took his stack of letters back to his room in Snape's quarters and read Molly and Sirius' letters in private. Molly was asking if Harry was ok and if he'd like to come stay with them to celebrate his birthday. It was nothing new and he put her letter with the rest of the ones she had sent. It was Sirius' letter that startled him.

‘Harry, I'm not sure why you haven't written back to me. If you're upset with me I wish you'd talk to me, but I understand that a boy your age might decide not to. You really need to write back to Molly however. She's sent you school supplies, clothes and snacks and you haven't even written back to thank her.'

A loud bang in Harry's room startled Severus, who had been reading a Potions Journal on the living room sofa. He made his way down the short hall and opened Harry's door, wondering if the Gryffindor had tripped and hit his head. Instead he found him looking angry and the desk chair lying on the floor.

"Has the chair done something to offend you?"

Harry looked contrite for a moment when he realized his host was standing in the doorway. "Sorry sir." But then anger flared in his eyes again as he knelt down to set the chair upright, crumpled letter clutched tightly in his hand.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I didn't ask for anything they sent me," Harry said hotly. "Mrs. Weasley sent me school supplies, some socks and some snacks and I didn't ask her to. I didn't respond to any of her letters or give her any indication that I was interested in talking to her and she sent the stuff anyway. Now Sirius is hounding me in a letter about being rude to her and not writing to thank her for the things she sent me."

"I see. Would you like me to write a cease and desist letter to her?"

"What?"

"Would you like me to send a letter to Molly Weasley telling her to stop sending you items and missives immediately?"

"You would do that for me?"

Snape gave him a hard look. "You will do that if you want her to stop sending things," he said. "If there is something you are truly incapable of handling, myself or Minerva will help you. This is something you are old enough to handle on your own however. You are about to be a seventh year, and beyond that you will graduate and step out into a world which you will be little prepared to enter if you do not start handling your own affairs now."

Harry nodded.

"If you would like help with how to word such a letter, I will help you. Or if you have thoughts on how to handle the situation in a different manner, I will give you advice."

"Yes sir."

Severus gave him a hard look and said, "Perhaps it is time for a trip to get summer clothes. Some time out of the castle will do you good."

"I just need to stop and get some money out of my vault."

"We can stop at the Gringotts branch in Hogsmeade and get your money exchanged for Muggle notes and then take a trip into Perth. There's a shopping center."

"Is it by the sea?" Harry asked hopefully, and Severus had to resist rolling his eyes. Harry reined in his hopeful look at the nonplussed look his Potions Professor was giving him. "I just haven't been before," he said, looking at the floor.

"Get ready for a trip to Perth," he told him, and left the room.

Harry got his shoes on and began digging in his trunk for his money pouch and took a few minutes to count his remaining coins. He ran his fingers through his hair and was about to go into the living room when a familiar voice came from the doorway.

"Where are we going?"

Harry looked up and found Draco.

"What are you doing here?" Harry asked.

"Uncle Severus just floo'd and asked if he could spend the day with me. He said he'd take me to get summer clothes. Mother gave me a handful of galleons and practically shoved me into the floo. When I got here a moment ago he said you were waiting for me."

"He said we were going to Perth. She was that eager for you to leave?"

"I might have been getting on father's nerves all morning," Draco said with a grin.

"Are you ready to depart?" Snape called from the living room, and Harry and Draco hurried out. Harry gave Snape a grateful look and the man tried to ignore it, but ended up giving Harry a small nod of acknowledgement anyway.

They'd only spent an hour in Perth at the shopping center. Harry had gotten new shoes and sandals, several pairs of shorts and almost a dozen new t-shirts. Draco had purchased an armload of polo shirts and shorts as well and then Severus had shrunk their purchases in a back alley and apparated them to the sea somewhere east of Dundee.

They were on a deserted stretch of shore far from the eyes of Muggles or wizards and Harry and Draco set off along the shoreline, pulling off their shoes and leaving them with Severus who opted to conjure a chair and relax in one spot.

The boys spent an enjoyable afternoon talking, throwing rocks and driftwood into the ocean and sitting in the sand. Harry had gotten into the water briefly up to his knees, but it was cold so he didn't stay in for very long.

Severus bought them fish and chips for dinner in Monifieth and then took them back to the castle.

In his quarters Snape gave Draco a serious look and said, "You spent the day with me. You and I bought clothes and walked along the shore as we talked about your future plans after Hogwarts. Then I gave you a suitably stern lecture about associating with students on the ‘wrong side' of political matters."

"That description of our day sounds crystal clear," Draco said. He turned and flashed Harry a smile and then went home through the Floo.

"Thanks," Harry said after he had gone. "For bringing me along."

"You are mistaken."

"Sir?"

"You and I brought Draco along to our day at the sea." Harry couldn't help but give the man a smile. "Go put your new clothes away."

Harry continued grinning as he took his bags of clothes to his room and hung them in the wardrobe. Snape was Draco's Godfather, but he hadn't invited Draco so he could spend the day with him. He'd taken Harry for a day out and had invited Draco to keep Harry company. Was this what it would have been like if his mother and father had been alive? He really hoped it was. Harry was short on these kinds of experiences. It underscored for him again his want for a family he could call his own. He pushed the longing back down inside of him for the moment though. It had been one of his best days and he didn't want to spoil it.

"Sir?" Harry asked Snape one evening at dinner. "Do you know someone that can teach me to apparate?"

"Are you planning on going somewhere?"

"I just- no. I'm not going anywhere."

Severus gave him a hard look. "I was only curious. You are almost 17. I will be able to teach you to apparate after you come of age. It is a right of passage and I am certain many of your friends will be learning over the summer."

"A right of passage?"

"As Muggle teens learn to drive from their parents, wizards learn to apparate from theirs."

"Oh," Harry said, frowning. He didn't have parents to teach him. Snape had offered though hadn't he? "But you would teach me?" he asked.

"Yes. We can practice just off of school grounds. There's a field north of the school. For Muggleborns and students who do not learn from their parents there is an optional class offered at the end of seventh year. It would be better if you learned over the summer from me."

"Thank you sir. My birthday's in two weeks."

"Are you planning on spending your birthday at the castle?"

"Yeah," Harry said. "I mean, I don't have anywhere else to spend it."

"Would you like to have friends over?"

"You mean Draco?"

"Draco may or may not be able to attend. I will have to come up with a suitable excuse to take him for the day. You may however invite some of your friends, provided that the whole of Gryffindor does not show up."

"Oh. How many could I ask then?"

"Who are you thinking of inviting?"

"Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Teddy and Pansy."

"Six is an acceptable number. I will send an invitation to the Slytherins, perhaps under the guise of vocational counseling."

"Will their parents buy that sir?"

"As it so happens, when students are entering their seventh year or have just graduated, professors often call in students they are concerned about or have advice for. In your seventh year you may find several different professors calling you to their office with things they wish to speak to you about. At some point all seventh years will receive vocational counseling, before, during or after the year."

"I didn't realize. Some of the Professors last week were asking me what I want to do after I graduate."

"What are you considering?"

Harry fidgeted with his fingers. "Teaching Defense maybe."

"If you aspire to be a teacher it is not likely you will gain employment right out of school. You will need to gain some experience in the field you wish to teach in first, either by apprenticeship, further schooling or by working in the field. They generally begin accepting professors around twenty years old."

"Oh," Harry said, looking at his shoes.

"It was not a discouragement," Snape said. "This is the type of vocational advice you will be receiving throughout the year. The goal is for you to have a plan for achieving your career goals by the time you graduate, so you have a direction to go once you leave school. You will also be asked to come up with several career choices this coming year so you can research each and have a backup plan if something is not working out with your first choice."

Harry sent letters off to Ron, Ginny and Hermione asking if they'd like to come to the castle for his birthday for a few hours, and hoped Snape could convince his other friend's parents to let them come on Harry's birthday. Pansy had informed Harry at the end of the school year that her parents wouldn't care if she was friends with him, but Harry knew it would be a problem for Draco and Teddy, which was why Snape had coached Draco on what to say to his parents before sending him home after their day at the sea.

* * *

A few days before Harry's birthday, Remus found him in the Great Hall as Harry sat eating lunch alone and reading an intense mystery novel Draco had sent to him.

"This seat taken cub?" Remus asked. Harry looked up and smiled at him, indicating he was welcome to the empty seat across from him. Harry was the only one in the Great Hall as it was late afternoon.

"Are you all moved into the castle now?" Harry asked, pushing a bowl of fruit towards him. Remus took an apple.

"Yes. I moved in this morning. I'll have a few weeks of work to get ready for the term but with two months until school starts I'm not terribly worried about finishing on time. How have you been?"

"Good," Harry said, putting a bookmark in the novel and setting it down.

"You know some people have been pretty worried about you."

"I don't know why," Harry lied.

"No one was sure why you were staying at the castle for the summer. Sirius and the Weasleys have both asked Albus but he said it was your choice. And you haven't been answering your mail."

"That's not true," Harry said. "I owl back and forth with Ron, Ginny and Hermione twice a week, and I write to my other friends."

"But not to Sirius?"

Harry shrugged. He wasn't sure if Remus would be angry with him or not if Harry told him everything that had happened.

"To be honest, I've been a little worried about you myself," Remus said. "Sirius believes someone is preventing you from writing back to him and Molly."

"That's not what's happening," Harry said.

"I don't believe it is. If you're up for telling me I'd like to hear what's going on though. Whatever has been going on Harry, I'm here for you."

Harry looked into Remus' eyes. Remus had never treated him poorly and had always kept his promises to him. So Harry told him about Christmas, and about being left by himself. Several minutes later he said, "I'm the only kid without parents here. I'm the orphan, so it's easy for them to just put me off to the side when it's convenient for them because there's no one to stick up for me."

Remus sighed heavily. "I'm sorry this has happened to you Harry. I want you to know that whatever is happening in your life, good or bad, you can always write to me, or come to me. I will always do what I can to help you."

"S'all right," Harry mumbled. "It's over now."

"Do you believe it's over?" Remus asked.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything. It seems as though you've resolved things with your friends, but not with your family."

Harry frowned. "The Dursleys?"

"No Harry, with Sirius... with the Weasleys."

"Remus," Harry said. "I don't have a family. I don't get to have a family."

"Sirius loves you, so do the Weasleys."

"They left me here Remus. They don't care about me at all."

"I'm telling you they do. Unfortunately adults aren't perfect. I can't say I'm happy with what they did or how they handled things, I'm certainly not. But if you don't talk to them the issues will never be resolved."

Harry felt anger creeping up on him like it had when Sirius had written to him to scold him for not writing to Molly to thank her for the things she'd sent him. "I'm a kid," he said flatly to Remus. "Why am I expected to fix what all the adults have broken?"

"You shouldn't be expected to," Remus agreed. "Unfortunately that's the way most feel at your age as they get ready to step out into life beyond school. They look at the world they're about to inherit and see how broken the previous generation has left it. All you can hope to do is be better than those who have come before you, so your children don't get a world as broken as it is today."

"We're not talking about the world," Harry said. "We're talking about Sirius and Molly and how they treat me. They pretend to care, then show they don't."

They were quiet for several moments as Remus thought, and then he said, "When your friends treated you poorly over Christmas, how did the issue get resolved?"

"I told them off for being jerks."

"And then?"

"Then they apologized and we worked on being friends again."

"So one side of the conflict made a move towards middle ground, then the other side made a move towards middle ground, then both sides worked together to meet in the middle?"

"I guess," Harry said.

"Would you agree a conflict like that could not be resolved if only one side was attempting to meet in the middle on common ground to work issues out?"

"Yeah." Harry could see where the conversation was going, but he didn't want it to go there.

"You said you shouldn't have to fix what the adults broke, because you're a kid. You're definitely right that it was an issue they caused. You did nothing wrong and you weren't at fault."

Harry relaxed a little at Remus' words and when he saw that he continued. "You made the first move to fix things with your friends, even though it shouldn't have been you to make the first move. You did though. Molly has made the first move to fixing things with you, wouldn't you agree? You said she's been sending letters apologizing and inviting you to visit? And Sirius?"

"You're wrong," Harry said. "There's nothing to fix with Molly because she's not my mother. I can never be part of their family because at the first sign of trouble with any of her kids, she'll remember that I'm not her kid and I'll get the short end of the stick again. And Sirius hasn't tried to fix anything. He acts like nothing happened because he doesn't even know he did anything wrong!"

"You're growing to be a strong, independent, determined young man," Remus said. "If you choose to end your relationship with them, that's your right, and no one can hold that against you. That doesn't mean you should though. You said we weren't talking about fixing the issues your generation has inherited in this world, but we are. You'll be 17 soon and you'll be finishing school and stepping into this broken world. It will often be up to you and your friends to make the first move to fix things... to decide that you want to fix things instead of leaving them broken. Whatever you choose to leave broken, you leave for those who come after you. That's also true of your relationships. What you leave broken in your personal life, you carry with you. It becomes a part of you and shapes who you are. It will shape how you deal with your children or your friend's children. I've seen it happen before."

Harry was quiet and fidgeting with the edges of the novel.

"Like I said Harry, if you choose to end your relationship with them, that's fine. Just ending things doesn't necessarily mean fixing them though. Sometimes it's absolutely necessary to cut ties with people, especially if they're going to continue to hurt you or be a negative impact on your life. But in ten years when you look back on how things ended up, will you be satisfied with the result of your decisions? That's what I want you to think about. If the answer for you is yes, you will be satisfied, then you know you've made the right decision. Whatever issues you face, ignoring them is almost never going to lead to an outcome you'll be satisfied with. The issues you're going to face in our community, with the Ministry, with the laws... all of those issues are the result of people ignoring them.

Harry had a lot to think about over the days following his conversation with Remus. Remus had reassured him he wasn't angry with him and that he was there for Harry no matter what decision he made about the issue. Harry added Remus into his weekly rotation of visits, choosing to visit with Remus in his office or quarters on Mondays and Wednesdays, and with McGonagall on Tuesdays and Thursdays. On Fridays he stayed back in Snape's quarters and began helping him with potions he needed to restock for the Hospital Wing. All the while Harry thought about what his Professors had been telling him over and over that summer: he was going to be an adult soon and he was going to have to start figuring things out on his own. It gave Harry anxiety that he would leave Hogwarts and not know what to do, or where to go, and that without a family like Ron and Hermione and even Draco had, he'd be on his own if he made a mistake. It wasn't a comforting thought as the days drew closer to his 17th birthday.

* * *

"Poppy," Minerva asked at breakfast the morning of Harry's birthday. "Isn't it someone's birthday today? It's Neville Longbottom's 17th isn't it?"

Harry looked up from his cereal and found McGonagall, Pomfrey and Flitwick smiling at him. He grinned back. Despite his anxiety over the upcoming year and then graduating, he couldn't help but be excited to see his friends later in the day and spend time with them. It was the one day each year he felt like he meant something to somebody. Usually he was still at the Dursleys when his birthday rolled around, and they made it a point to ignore him, but his friends always sent him gifts, cakes, cards and hand drawn pictures that day so he didn't feel forgotten.

"Yeah," Harry nodded, "probably Neville's birthday."

McGonagall produced a small square present and pushed it across the empty space between them.

"Can I open it now?" Harry asked.

"Of course."

Harry pulled the paper off the box and found a soft red and black tartan scarf inside.

"I know it's summer, but I noticed last year that you no longer seemed to have your Gryffindor scarf and looked cold."

Harry ran his thumb over the soft warm material.

"It's great," Harry said.

"That scarf should last for years," she told him. "When I turned 17 my mother gave me one just like it. It has charms to keep it soft and keep the colors steadfast."

"Thank you," Harry told her sincerely. "Are you coming to my party later?"

"Oh," she said, "I think I'll settle for telling you happy birthday now so you and your friends can have the Great Hall to yourselves this evening. I heard Hagrid has baked a cake for you."

"Oh," Harry said, giving a little laugh.

"Not to worry," Flitwick told him. "I've asked the elves to make a second cake. Just in case the first isn't enough." He winked at Harry who laughed again and thanked him. Hagrid's cakes were always dry and hard. Harry was never sure if Hagrid just didn't know how to cook, or if that was the way he preferred to eat his cakes.

"I expect it to be a raucous affair," McGonagall told him as if she was giving him an order.

"I don't know about that," Harry said, "it's just a few of us." Draco's birthday had been the week prior and Harry had sent him a new novel by owl since he couldn't attend a birthday at Malfoy Manor for obvious reasons. He'd also purchased a book for Hermione's birthday and he was planning on giving it to her that evening since her birthday was in just a few days. Ron's wasn't until right before school started and it was the same with Pansy and Teddy's.

"Do you have any special plans now that you're 17?" Madam Pomfrey asked.

"Professor Snape is going to teach me to apparate in a few days," Harry said.

"Is he now," she said with a smile. "Out in the fields north of school I expect?" and Harry nodded in response.

After breakfast Harry went back to the dungeons to put his new scarf away and found Snape waiting for him in the living room with a small present of his own.

"You didn't have to get me anything sir," Harry said when Snape held the box out to him, feeling awkward. Harry had considered the man letting him stay with him for the summer a gift all by itself, and if not that, then teaching him to apparate.

"Open it," Snape told him, and Harry sat down on the dark grey sofa to unwrap it. Inside was a handsome brown journal with a soft leather cover.

"It has neverending pages," Snape told him, sitting down in his favorite comfortable chair. "When a wizarding child comes of age it's a tradition for the adults in their lives to give them presents which will in some way prepare them for their future."

"Really?" Harry asked. "A few minutes ago Professor McGonagall gave me a soft scarf."

"Minerva values being warm and feeling ‘cozy'. To her those feelings represent home."

Harry pulled the tartan scarf out to show him. "I didn't know. She said her mother gave her one just like this when she turned 17." He'd liked the scarf before, but now it felt even more special.

"A young wizard always finds himself in need of parchment for something," Severus said. "Whether to write a letter, to keep track of finances, or just to jot down his thoughts. When you tear a sheet of parchment out of this journal, it will re-grow overnight as a fresh sheet."

"It must have cost a lot with charms like that," Harry said, looking up at him.

"Cost is not a factor."

"Even for The-Boy-Who-Lived-To-Be-The-Bane-Of-Your-Existence?" Harry asked, feeling cheeky.

"Especially for the Boy-Who-Lived-To-Become-My-Friend," Snape corrected.

Harry's cheeks coloured and he held up the journal and said, "Thank you sir. I appreciate it."

Remus too, it seemed, had a gift for Harry, which he gave to him after lunch that afternoon in his office. "Everyone's been giving me gifts today," Harry said, feeling overwhelmed that so many people had thought of him.

"It's not everyday a young man turns 17 is it? Go on, open it. I'm sorry I didn't have wrapping paper."

"It's ok," Harry said, lifting the lid off the box. Inside was a photo of Harry's parents he'd never seen before. He had several of them from Hagrid, but this one was different. It was in black and white and showed Lily and James sitting by the fire. Lily was holding her stomach and looking lovingly down at it. So was James. Every few seconds they looked up at each other with love in their eyes, and then back down to her stomach. She was clearly almost due to give birth.

"I wanted you to remember Harry, that you do have a family. I want you to know wherever you go that there are people that love you, even if they're not here with you. And I want you to know that whatever happens I am here for you now and will always be."

Harry looked up at Remus, eyes wet. "And if you refuse to write to me cub, I will personally track you down, even if you've gone across the pond."

Harry laughed and ran his arm across his eyes and Remus laughed too.

"All right," Remus said. "You'd better get going. Your party starts at three doesn't it? It's two forty five."

Harry thanked him and looked at the black and white photograph all the way down through the castle, unable to tear his eyes away from it. He was reluctant to set it down on his desk, but did at the last minute when he realized he only had a few minutes to change into a clean shirt and get up to the Great Hall.

Snape wasn't in his quarters because he was off collecting Draco, Pansy and Teddy. He would apparate back with them soon. When Harry made it up to the Entrance Hall he found Hermione, Ron and Ginny waiting for him.

Ginny pulled him into a tight hug right away and wouldn't let him go even when Ron started to complain. Finally she settled for taking Harry's hand as they went into the Great Hall. There were snacks and food at one end of Ravenclaw table and Harry was amused to find the banners in the Great Hall had all been changed to reflect the Gryffindor colors and crest, like they did when Gryffindor occasionally won the house cup.

"I brought Gobstones and Exploding Snap," Ron said, motioning to the games next to the food. They had just begun to pull out Exploding Snap when Harry's other friends appeared at the entrance to the Great Hall and came in.

Ron grumbled something but Harry couldn't tell what.

"You made it," Harry grinned.

"Mother and father couldn't get me here fast enough to talk about ‘better career choices than playing Quidditch and running an apothecary,'" Draco said with a laugh.

"Yeah," Teddy said. "Pretty sure my mum was of the same mind. She doesn't want me to manage a Quidditch team and would rather I get an apprenticeship somewhere."

"Don't look at me," Pansy said. "I told my parents the truth. I said I was going to Harry Potter's birthday party."

"And?" Ginny asked curiously.

"They didn't believe me and said, ‘Have a nice evening with Draco dear.'"

They all laughed and the Slytherins added their gifts to Harry's small pile of presents in the center of the table.

They chatted for twenty minutes as they helped themselves to snacks, then played board games and after two cakes appeared, one bright blue and clearly from Hagrid, and another from the house elves, Harry opened gifts. He'd been given books, a fine quill with a huge white eagle feather from Draco, and a book from Teddy about the careers of famous Quidditch players. "In case you change your mind," Teddy said. "I could manage you, and you and I could go places."

There was one present left on the pile and Harry had a feeling he knew who it was from.

"Mum sent a present too," Ron said.

"Erm, I'm going to open it later," Harry told him. Ron looked like he understood and didn't question him, but Harry wasn't sure if he did understand. He hadn't discussed Mrs. Weasley with any of his friends, but he was certain Ron and Ginny had heard from their parents and Sirius that Harry hadn't written back to her in five months.

Harry and his friends joked and talked, finished off the house elve's cake and made a decent attempt to eat Hagrid's cake as well before Severus came to the Great Hall at seven thirty to collect the Slytherins so they could floo home. Harry wondered if he would coach them on what to say when they went home as he had done with Draco previously.

"I guess we'd better go too," Hermione said. "My parents wanted me home at eight, and after we floo back to the Burrow Mr. Weasley has to apparate me home."

Harry hugged Ginny tightly and told her he was going to learn to apparate soon and might be able to come visit before summer ended, thanked his friends for their presents, and then bade them goodbye as they went to find McGonagall so they could floo home from her office.

Harry hummed happily to himself as he began gathering his gifts into a pile at the end of the table and set to work collecting some of the snacks that were left into a bowl so he could take them back to the dungeons with him. The elves had made cookies and had put out several bowls of crisps as well as little chocolate malt balls and he wanted to finish them all off over the next couple of days. He was just about to put all of his gifts in an empty box when he heard a familiar voice call out his name from behind him.

"Harry!"

Harry turned and found Sirius coming into the Great Hall. He looked uncertain but was trying to smile and appear happy.

Harry turned away from him and began putting his gifts into the box.

"Happy birthday," Sirius said, coming around into his view. "I wanted to see you and bring your gift. Not every day your godson reaches majority."

"Thanks," Harry said, but he didn't look up at him or reach out to take the gift.

"Do you want to open it?" Sirius asked.

"You can put it with Mrs. Weasley's," Harry said, indicating the unopened present on the table.

"Here, let me help you put things away," Sirius tried, but Harry waved him off. "It's ok, I've got it."

Sirius watched him pack items away and then combine several snacks into two bowls.

"Listen, I was hoping you'd come back with me to Grimmuald Place now that you're 17. You don't have to stay in the castle anymore."

"I was invited to stay," Harry said. "It was my choice."

"Then I can help you carry your gifts up to Gryffindor."

"I'm staying in the dungeons."

"The dungeons-" Sirius started, confused.

"With Professor Snape."

"I don't understand why you don't want to come home," Sirius said. "Why would you rather stay with Snape? The two of you have never gotten along."

Harry scoffed at the term ‘home' as he finished collecting snacks. "I like living with him. He likes having me around."

"I like having you around," Sirius said. "The Weasleys too. We miss you."

"No," Harry said, looking up at him finally and shaking his head, "you don't. I'm not yours to miss."

Harry moved to grab his box, bowls of snacks precariously placed on top of his gifts, but Sirius grabbed his arm gently. "He's not your family Harry! You shouldn't be here. You should be with me."

Harry spun to face him, pulling his arm out of his godfather's grasp.

"Well I don't well have a family do I!?" he shouted. "And if I was going to have one he's the closest I've got!"

"I'm your godfather! I'm your family Harry. You're supposed to be staying with me!"

"Don't you think I wanted that?!" Harry shouted. "I would have given anything to have you as a father! I would have given anything to come and live with you and not have to go back to my relatives! But you didn't want that! You tossed me aside because that's what was easy!"

"Harry-" Sirius couldn't speak. He took a step back, looking confused, like someone had just struck him across the face. "What are you talking about?" he asked quietly.

Breathing hard Harry turned away from him, trying to calm himself before he did something stupid like punch Sirius in the face. He was angry enough he could do it, but he was afraid of what the larger man would do to him if he tried.

"I need a family," Harry said quietly. "I've never had one before. Then you came along and asked me to stay with you when you couldn't even take me. For three years I hoped you'd come get me and take me home, so I didn't have to go back to my relatives... didn't have to let them torture me every time I went home. But you didn't ask."

Harry turned and stared at him, hot angry tears pooled in his eyes. "You left me there with them. You were the only one who could get me out of there because you had the legal right to. There were three years where you could have made sure I was safe. Three years where you could have made sure I got to celebrate Christmas... but I stayed at the castle all those years by myself."

"Last year Ron asked me to go home with him for Christmas, and I finally thought I was going to get to spend Christmas with a family... a family I thought was my family. Then he left me here. His mum left me here. You left me here. At least Mrs. Weasley had a reason, or thought she had a reason because she's his mum. But who do I have that will stick up for me Sirius? Who do I have that will ask my side of things and help me get things straightened out? Who do I have that will take me home and make sure I get a Christmas, or that I get even a single present?" Harry shook his head, salty tears falling. "Only Professor Snape," Harry answered, realizing there was an answer to his questions. "Professor Snape gave me a Christmas and made sure I didn't spend it all alone and miserable. He gave me presents and told me he cared about me. He made me think I meant something to somebody when all my friends left me by myself again... when my Godfather left me here for another year."

Sirius reached up and wiped his eyes and nose. Harry hadn't expected him to cry, and couldn't figure out now what he'd said to make him look so miserable. Why should he be miserable? He could just go back and live his life without Harry like he already was. Nothing would change for him.

What happened next made Harry's heart leap up into his throat painfully in surprise. Sirius got down on one knee in front of Harry and looked up at him. "I am a sorry excuse for a godfather. I don't expect you to forgive me Harry, and I'm not going to ask you to. I know actions speak louder than words, and mine have clearly said everything I don't want them to. I can't imagine what you've gone through, but for what little my words are worth, I want you to know that I want you as a son. I want you to live with me, and to know that I'll always be here for you."

Harry backed up and sat down on one of the wooden benches. He'd wanted to hear those words for so long. He'd even believed some of those things before. They were things he still wanted to believe.

"I'm supposed to figure out a career and then just move out on my own when I graduate," Harry said, feeling hopeless. "I don't know where I'm supposed to live, or how to pay rent or bills, I don't know how to buy groceries or order food at a restaurant." He looked up at Sirius. "All of my friends have parents to teach them those things."

"And to apparate," Sirius said.

"I have someone to teach me to apparate."

"Who?"

"Professor Snape promised he would teach me after my birthday."

"He's not your-"

Harry gave Sirius a blank look and he closed his mouth.

"If you'll still have me Harry, I'd like to try to fix what I've broken."

"I just- need you to be there for me," he pointed to his chest. "Ron has someone already. All of my friends do. I don't want to be pushed aside because I'm the orphan and don't have anyone to help just me."

"I promise you," Sirius said. He pulled Harry off the bench and down to him in a hug. "Will you come home with me?" Sirius asked.

"Not tonight," Harry said, still letting Sirius hug him tightly. "Maybe you could just come visit me for a while."

"I can do that," Sirius promised. "Or I can take you somewhere if you want to go out. We can go buy you some new clothes or something."

Harry didn't tell him Snape had already taken him. "Sure," he said. In the last twenty minutes he'd been so overwhelmed with anger, sadness, hurt and uncertainty that he felt exhausted and just wanted to go to bed.

"And you'll tell me what exactly happened between you and Ron. I know it's six months too late, but I want to know your side of the story."

Harry nodded as Sirius let him go. "In a couple days," he said.

"How about I come visit Thursday morning? I'll clear it with the Headmaster. We can have breakfast."

"Ok," Harry said, rubbing his eyes.

Sirius gave Harry one last look, said, "Happy Birthday Harry," promised he'd be back Thursday morning, and headed out of the Great Hall, probably to find Dumbledore to clear it with him.

Harry looked at the table at the gifts his friends had given him and wondered if this had been a good day or a bad day. With how much he had cried and the raw emotion that had overwhelmed him he wasn't sure. It was something he'd have to think over in the morning after he'd had some rest.

"Have your other friends returned home?" Snape asked from his door when he returned. Harry was sitting in his desk chair with his back partially to Snape.

"Yes sir. They floo'd from McGonagall's office."

Harry must have sounded tired, or his voice must have wavered because Snape said, "Look at me." Harry was too exhausted to disobey and turned so Snape could see his face.

"The party went that bad?" Snape questioned at Harry's red eyes. "Your friends told me they had a good time."

Harry laughed a little and turned back to the presents on the desk, including the two unopened ones from Sirius and Molly. When he didn't answer right away Snape came into the room and sat on the edge of Harry's bed.

"Sirius showed up. He wants me to go home with him."

"You do not have to."

"I want to."

"I see."

Harry turned in his seat so he was facing Snape. "I've always wanted to since I found out I had a godfather and might not have to go back to the Dursleys. I want to, but I don't think I can."

"Why is that?"

"He promised me things would be different. He promised. But it can't be... it never is. People don't really keep promises."

"I kept mine," Snape reminded him. He'd signed a contract with Harry to let him stay with him over the summer, and here Harry was in his quarters.

"Only because you had to," Harry said.

"I had to do nothing." Snape gave the boy a perturbed look and then asked, "You believe he will take you home and then not allow you to stay?"

"I don't know what to believe," Harry said. "I'm not supposed to have a family or a home. Every time I think I'm going to have either, they get taken away."

Snape was quiet for so long that Harry looked up to be sure he was still there. When he met Snape's dark eyes the man said, "You will always have a place with me, and at Hogwarts. Whether you decide to teach or not, Hogwarts will always be your home. You can always return, because I will be here. There are many teachers here who feel the same about you. If things did not work out with your godfather, or with a future career, you would be welcomed back here. This is your home for as long as you wish it to be."

Harry startled Severus then when he leaned forward and hugged him. Severus wasn't sure what to do at first, but after a moment he returned the gesture as the Gryffindor squeezed him tightly. "Thank you," the boy mumbled.

"Whether Black chooses to be a proper family or not," Severus said, "I will be here."

"Shoulda let the hat put me in Slytherin," Harry joked, sitting back in his chair.

"Perish the thought," Severus told him. "Minerva would kill me and take over the house herself."

* * *

Sirius came back Thursday morning to have breakfast with Harry like he said he would. They sat at Gryffindor table away from the staff who were at Hufflepuff and talked as they ate. "Did you open your present yet?" Sirius asked him.

"Not yet," Harry said.

"You should go get it. If you're not busy we could go walk around the lake and you could open it."

"Ok."

Sirius waited for him in the Great Hall while he went to retrieve the gift, and then they went out to the grounds and headed for the lake. The air was warm and the sky only had a few white fluffy clouds.

"Open it," Sirius urged him excitedly.

Harry pulled the paper off the box and Sirius waved his wand to banish the paper. When Harry opened the lid he found a worn golden pocket watch. He looked up to Sirius for an explanation.

"It was James'," Sirius said. "His father gave it to him when he turned 17. Your grandfather Owen worked hard amassing a family fortune... the same one you have in your vault. But he missed out on time with his family to do it. He gave James this pocket watch and told him he wanted him to remember that time is precious, and not to waste it trying to make a fortune, but to realize where his fortune really was. James never went anywhere without the watch after that. He chose to become an auror instead of running his father's many businesses so he could have time at home with you and Lily, because you were his fortune."

Harry was enthralled by the story. He'd never even known his grandfather's name before this. He occasionally heard stories about his parents, but not very often, and when he did it was usually from Sirius and Remus. Now Sirius had given him his father's watch and the story that went with it, and he felt connected to James in a way he hadn't before, and to his grandfather too.

"James would have wanted you to have that on your 17th birthday," Sirius said.

"How do you have it?" Harry asked, holding the watch up by the short gold chain and letting it spin in front of his eyes, the gold surface catching the sunlight.

When Sirius didn't answer Harry took his eyes off the pocket watch and found Sirius looking at the grass as they walked. "I was the first to get to the house after Voldemort," Sirius said. "I found James in the downstairs hall by the front door. And then you and Lily upstairs. I'm the one that took you from the house and to Dumbledore." He looked at Harry, face solemn. "I knew James wasn't going to be around to give you the watch, but that he would have wanted you to have it. He didn't see a lot of his father growing up, so when his father gave that to him it meant the world to him. You meant the world to him too. Before I left the house to take you to Dumbledore, I took it to give to you when you were old enough. I didn't want it to be taken by someone else or lost."

Harry looked back at the watch, throat uncomfortably tight. He'd been given several meaningful gifts for his birthday, but the watch and the story about his father and grandfather were so important... so was the photo from Remus because they connected Harry to his parents in a way he'd never been able to connect before. Harry really didn't know what to say.

"What do you think my mother would have given to me?" he asked.

"I don't know," Sirius said. "She was so full of life, and she loved to have fun. I think she would have given you a new broom or something you'd enjoy using, so you would always remember to take time off of work and spend some time enjoying life."

Harry nodded. "I've never heard things like this about them before. I don't know them at all."

"That watch was a gift from James," Sirius said. "My gift to you will be stories about them."

Harry turned and smiled. "I'd like that."

Sirius nodded. "First, you have a story to tell me though... about you and Ron."

They sat down by the lake in a shady spot and Harry tucked the pocket watch into the pocket of his shorts. He'd already told the story about he and Ron several times now and was growing tired of telling it, but Sirius wanted to know, and he was here now and not just asking in a letter.

"I asked Ginny out without asking his permission first and he got upset about it. We were out here together... by the lake. He shoved me. I didn't even believe it was happening because we were friends. We shouted for a couple minutes and he shoved me again and then I fell and he started hitting me. I've never fought like that before, and Ron and I had never fought like that before. I just swung and hit his nose. Then his nose was bleeding and he was even angrier at me. He left me there by the lake and went back to the castle and by the time I got back he'd told all our friends and his brothers that I had hit him. They didn't even want to hear my side of the story, and he let them believe I had just hit him for no reason. And you know the rest."

"Tell me anyway."

Harry told him about being isolated and left by himself for Christmas, about Snape taking him to the Christmas room, and about the weeks that followed and how the Slytherins became his friends because they didn't like what Harry's friends from Gryffindor were doing to him.

"I should have asked your side of the story first," Sirius said. "It's a mistake I won't make again. I've never been a parent before Harry, and I'm bound to make mistakes. If you're willing to let me know when I've made one, I'd really like the chance to prove to you that I'm going to be here for you no matter what."

"I've gotten pretty good at telling people off recently," Harry said.

"Good," Sirius told him. "Lily loved telling people off. James adored her fiery temper."

They spent another hour at the lake, skipping stones as Sirius told Harry dozens of stories about Lily and James while they were in school and afterwards when they were just starting out together as young adults. It was past lunch time when they started back towards the castle.

"I don't want to hound you about it," Sirius said when the castle came back into view, "but I'd like to know what you think about spending the rest of the summer at home with me. There's almost two months left."

Harry bit his lip. He didn't want to upset Sirius by telling him he was home. He wasn't as opposed to going back to London with Sirius as he had been before though.

"I'm 17 now," Harry said.

"Yes you are."

"I can go where I want, when I want."

"True."

Harry stopped walking and turned to Sirius. "If I come back with you, will you give me a hard time about where I'm going?"

"I guess it depends," Sirius said.

"On what?"

"On if you're trying to go down Knockturn to get to the goblin pub, or going out late at night to the vampire district, or sneaking off to the Ministry in the middle of the school year to fight Voldemort."

Harry laughed. "You would keep me from getting into trouble? You?"

"Even if you're 17 I'm your Godfather," Sirius said. "If you're going to go out and get into trouble it's going to have to be with me. Otherwise, I'm going to have to get persuasive. I know I haven't been there to set rules for you before, or to be a good influence, but that's what a Godfather is for. It's what James and Lily would have wanted for you and it's what I want."

"Well lucky for you I don't care to go to goblin pubs or looking for vampires," Harry said.

"Good. Pretty sure Remus would have both our hides if I let you."

Harry stopped walking again to look at him and said, "I know you don't like Professor Snape and don't get along with him, but I do. And I know you don't approve of any Slytherins, but I have friends in Slytherin. I'm going to be friends with them and I'd appreciate you not getting on to me about it."

Sirius nodded slowly, trying to work over what Harry had said. "You know I don't believe they're a good influence."

"You don't have to think they are," Harry said. "I know they are and I'm a good judge of character."

"And you want to come back to Hogwarts over the summer to learn to apparate with Sniv- with Snape."

Harry gave him a dark look for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah. He's been really good to me over the last year, and he's one of the few people who have kept promises to me. He promised to teach me and I'm looking forward to learning it from him."

Sirius put a hand on Harry's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "You're going to have to hurry up and learn from him then so we can apparate around the country together before school starts. It might be nice to take a holiday together, don't you think?"

Harry grinned. "How long does it take to learn anyway?"

"Let's just hope you learn it in record time."

On the way back to the castle they discussed details of moving in, and Harry also told Sirius he didn't want to be spoken to about talking to Molly Weasley. He agreed, and Harry told him he'd like to stay one last night at the castle so he could pack and make arrangements with Professor Snape for apparation lessons.

"I'll come get you at breakfast then," Sirius said.

"How about I just get the password to your floo?" Harry asked. "I can just come through in the morning with my things. I don't have too many."

"The floo address is Grimmuald Place, Black Residence, and the password is amicis," Sirius said. "If you forget Sni- Snape knows."

"I'll see you in the morning then," Harry said, and bade him goodbye at the entrance to the castle, jogging up the steps and heading inside.

When Harry spoke to Snape later that afternoon, he didn't seem surprised by Harry's decision to move in with Sirius, or perturbed by it. It seemed he'd been expecting it.

"Sir- I was wondering if I could still come back to have apparation lessons with you."

"As I said, you are always welcome here," he told him, handing Harry a stack of books from his desk to stick into his trunk. Harry had been in the midst of packing up his room when Snape had come back to his quarters. "As it so happens I have most days free for the next few weeks. Many students take several weeks to master apparation, though some skilled students pick it up quicker than others."

"Should I come every day then?"

"An hour a day would be best until you learn it. Once you have mastered it you can become licensed by the Ministry."

"Seems like an odd thing to have a license for," Harry said. "You don't have to have one to fly a broom."

"Apparation used to be a limited skill, considered advanced magic and not widely used by the public. Just like Animagus' are required to register with the Ministry today, people used to have to register for a license to apparate. It's an outdated law now that most adult witches and wizards can do it, but one that has not yet been nullified."

"Is it a test or something?"

"No, you must simply fill out the paperwork stating you can do it and submit it to the Ministry by owl. Then you may apparate without a teacher or guardian present."

Harry and Snape settled on mornings from ten to eleven for the next week and Harry was given the password to Snape's floo so he could get to Hogwarts easily. They would start lessons in a couple of days, and Harry couldn't wait.

* * *

When Harry had finished packing, he had gone to find McGonagall and Remus to tell them goodbye and to let them know where he was going. Remus was happy for him and McGonagall said she would miss their twice weekly visits for tea but wished him a good rest of the summer. She also told him what Snape had, that he was welcome to come back for the rest of the summer to stay in the castle. Harry had hope that things would work out with Sirius, but was given confidence to find out if things could work by the fact that he had a home to come back to either way.

* * *

Life was more quiet at Grimmuald Place than Harry had remembered. The last time he'd stayed had been at the end of summer in fifth year and there had been a lot of people around. Now it was only him and Sirius. The Weasleys were at home at the Burrow and Harry rarely ever saw another Order member come through.

Sirius and Harry had cleared out a bedroom and Sirius took Harry out to buy new posters and fresh bedding. They also put up new curtains and got a new rug for his room. Sirius helped him paint it a bright gray color to help the room feel new and less oppressive than it had before, and help make it feel like Harry's. They moved a bookcase in from another part of the house so Harry had room for his books, and Sirius came home one day with a new Muggle style desk chair on wheels that leaned back and turned from side to side. It was soft and comfortable and Harry loved it, finding it a comfortable place to write to his friends and to finish his summer homework.

Sirius also took Harry out in the afternoons to various Muggle cities and towns to get lunch or pick up some dinner, or just to go out and explore. They usually came home with a bag of pastries or other desserts. They even went to a Muggle cinema when Harry couldn't explain properly to Sirius what a movie was, and Sirius loved it so much he told Harry they were going to have to go back and see more movies.

Sirius didn't look happy when Harry left after breakfast each morning to floo back to Hogwarts, but he didn't grumble or complain about it. He also didn't ask who Harry was writing to when his friends sent him letters, and hadn't let out a peep about his friendship with Draco, Pansy and Teddy.

* * *

Harry was really enjoying spending mornings learning to apparate with Snape. He wasn't the most patient teacher in the world, and he gave things to Harry straight when he made a mistake, but long gone were the days of the man berating him and putting him down.

Each morning Harry floo'd to Snape's quarters around nine and they had a cup of coffee or tea together. Then they went out to a large field just off of school grounds behind the school and got to work. Harry had been unable to apparate at all for the first few days, but on their fourth day he'd managed to pull himself through space several feet to a target platform Snape had set up. Now they were two weeks into lessons and Harry was able to apparate accurately almost a hundred feet. He couldn't quite make the platform at the hundred foot mark though and kept coming up short.

"It's not an energy issue," Snape said, popping into existence next to Harry a moment after he'd tried yet again and come up ten feet short of the platform, standing in tall golden grass up to his chest. "Neither is it an accuracy issue," Snape said, narrowing his eyes in thought. "The issue must be concentration."

"I'm concentrating though," Harry said. He'd found that apparation took quite a bit of concentration to punch a hole through space, push yourself through it, and come out the other side just where you wanted to. There was also concentration involved in how much energy to pour into apparating, and it took more energy to apparate long distances. Healthy wizards who had gotten enough sleep could apparate across the country four or five times in a day if they had to before getting too tired to continue apparating safely.

"Concentration is the only other thing it could be," Snape said. "You've already proven you can be accurate and know the correct amount of energy to put into each jump through space."

"It's not concentration though," Harry said. "I'm very focused. I'm sorting all the details out in my mind before I jump like you taught me."

"Hm. You tell me what it is then," he said.

"I don't know. Do I just need more practice?" Snape had told him if he could hit the hundred foot mark, he could apparate anywhere. Becoming proficient in apparating 100 feet was the standard for registering to get an apparation license.

"You've been attempting to hit the 100 foot mark for five days. I doubt more practice will help." Snape thought on it while Harry attempted it a few more times, and then came up to him.

"How are things going with Black?"

"Good," Harry said. "We've been going out every afternoon to do things."

"But?"

"There's no but," Harry said. "It's been really good. He hasn't even said anything about me coming to see you every day."

"You plan on staying with him for the remainder of the summer then?"

"Yeah."

"Attempt the apparation again," he instructed. Harry returned to his starting platform and tried again. This time he only made it a few feet off his platform and was still 90 feet from his mark.

"You do well for the first week and a half, then you become almost proficient and your progress comes to a halt. As soon as I ask if you're spending the rest of the summer in London you regress to where you were just a few days into lessons."

"I'm concentrating, I promise," Harry said.

"I believe you are." He was giving Harry a serious look though, like he was trying to look through him, and it made Harry uncomfortable.

"Potter, if I have to write you another contract stating you can come back here, I will."

"What?"

"Things are going well with your Godfather, and you're proficient in apparating, so you have no reason to come back to school until the new term begins, which is still more than a month away. If I need to write you a new contract saying you can come back daily for the rest of summer to give you a reason, I will do so."

"I-" Harry paused, then pressed forward, "that's not why I'm not able to apparate." What Snape had said had been on his mind. He liked spending time with Snape and having coffee each morning, and he missed having tea with McGonagall. He'd never had access to Hogwarts during the summer before like he'd been given this summer, and that access was about to come to an end.

"Isn't it?" Severus asked.

"That would just be pathetic," Harry said, feeling lame.

Severus snorted. "For a boy who's never had a home? Hardly. Minerva has been complaining that I'm keeping you to myself in any case and has been threatening to come out here to drag you in for tea. The wolf has also mentioned wishing you were still around. You should continue to come to the castle even after you've mastered apparation."

Harry was happy to hear that people wanted to spend time with him, but he felt like he was pathetic for wanting to turn up at school so much over the summer when the rest of his friends were all at home enjoying their holidays.

"Must I manufacture a reason for you to return?" he asked.

Harry looked up at him. "I guess not. I'm 17 and that would be pathetic. I should just visit when I wanna visit, right?"

"It's not visiting if you're coming home," he reminded him.

Harry stayed late that day, practicing for an extra hour. By the time he left he'd successfully apparated a hundred feet ten times and they had filled out the form for the apparation license and sent it off to the Ministry via owl.

* * *

Sirius had been patient with Harry in those first two weeks as Harry had gone back to Hogwarts daily to learn to apparate. He was excited when Harry came back to the house and told him he'd mailed off his certificate for a license. Sirius took him out to celebrate, both of them apparating themselves to Fortescue's for ice cream and a mug of butterbeer.

However patient he'd been with Harry so far, that patience seemed to have run out when two days later Harry told him he was headed back to Hogwarts for a couple of hours.

"But I thought you were done with lessons," Sirius said over his mug of coffee and piece of toast.

"Yeah," Harry said, "but now I can go back just to visit."

"Who are you visiting?" Sirius asked.

"Remus, McGonagall, Snape."

"We can have Remus for tea. He's not locked in over there since the term hasn't started yet."

"That would be fun," Harry said, and Sirius nodded and went back to his toast. Then Harry said, "I'll invite him when I see him this morning," and Sirius looked back up at his godson.

"Aren't most kids happy to get away from school for the summer?"

"It's not just school," Harry said. "It's home too, and I like having tea or coffee with some of the professors every once in a while and visiting."

"But- this is your home now."

"Yeah," Harry said in agreement, "and I like it here. But Hogwarts is still home too. That's the only home I've had before now. It was never just school for me... it was the only place I was accepted and liked and wanted. Besides, you said you wouldn't hound me for going where I want and when I want. We didn't have plans this morning did we?" Harry asked, thinking he might have forgotten plans to go to the movies or to a Quidditch match or something.

"No."

"I'll only be gone a couple hours. I'll be back by eleven. I already owled Professor McGonagall and told her I was available to have tea this morning."

Sirius looked sad about something, but Harry wasn't sure what. He seemed to pull himself together though and said, "You said you'll be back by eleven right?"

"Yeah."

"I was thinking we could grab lunch and go hiking this afternoon."

"That sounds like fun. I've never really been hiking before."

"There was a spot your parents liked to go."

"I can't wait."

Harry said goodbye and stepped into the fireplace there in the kitchen, reappearing in Snape's quarters. Snape was in his favorite chair in the living room reading the paper.

"Is it ok to use your floo sir?" Harry asked.

"Yes. Minerva said you would be coming through this morning."

"I'm supposed to have tea with her in half an hour. Are you busy?"

"You want me to come to tea with you and Minerva?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to have a cup of coffee before I went up to see her."

"Hm, and what do you have planned with Lupin after you see Minerva?"

"Tea I think," Harry said.

"You will be so caffeinated by the end of your visit you'll be awake for a week."

"That's the plan," Harry said with a grin.

He and Snape chatted for twenty minutes before Harry headed up to see professor McGonagall. She was waiting for him with a fresh pot of tea and biscuits and asked him how things were going with his Godfather. They talked about things Harry had been out doing over the summer, and before he left to find Remus she asked if he had been going to spend time with Ginny now that he could apparate.

"I haven't been over there yet," Harry said. "Most days I'm doing something with Sirius."

"Well give her my best when you do see her," she said. She asked when Harry would be back at the castle again and they made plans to have tea the next week.

Harry invited Remus to dinner later in the week as he had coffee with him, and was surprised when Remus asked him the same question McGonagall had about seeing Ginny. Harry had already told Remus a lot of things he'd been thinking though, so he wasn't afraid to tell him he hadn't gone over there because he didn't want to see Mrs. Weasley.

"Ah, and Ginny isn't usually allowed out on her own," he said.

"Ron hasn't been either with Voldemort on the loose," Harry said. "He wrote that she's been keeping the twins in too. So if I go to see them I have to see her."

"Haven't things been better with Sirius since you spoke to him? He said you two have been keeping busy."

"Yeah, they have been," Harry hedged.

"But you don't want to resolve things with Molly still?"

"It's different. She's not my mum. We're not related at all and she's not responsible for me in any way."

"But she cares about you as if she were your mother."

Harry shook his head. "Don't say that. I'm just friends with her kids. She proved that already."

"How serious are things with Ginny Weasley?" Remus asked.

"What do you mean? We're not doing anything if that's what you're asking. I know better."

Remus laughed. "While I'm glad to hear that, it wasn't what I was asking. Is it just a casual relationship, or do the two of you plan on staying together for some time?"

"I really care about her," Harry said. "And she cares about me. We're not planning on breaking up. Have you heard something different?"

Remus waved him away. "So it might be a relationship that will continue after the two of you have graduated?"

"I hope so."

"Then it sounds like it might be getting serious."

"I guess."

"If at some point in the future you and Ginny decide to spend your lives together... to get married and start a family, then the Weasley's will become your family by marriage. If that happens you won't be able to avoid Molly forever, and she'll be your mother-in-law."

"Yeah but- we just started dating last school year. That's a long way off."

"And you'd rather put it off until then?"

"Well what if we break up this year?"

"And you waste your energy on fixing a relationship that won't mean anything to you?" Remus asked.

Harry had nothing to say to that, because he didn't like to lie. It would mean something to him, because it had before. He'd tried to push it to the back of his mind. He'd tucked Mrs. Weasley's unopened gift in a drawer with her unanswered letters and tried to forget about it all and about her. If he didn't think about her at all he could pretend he wasn't still hurt over what had happened at Christmas. Yes, she was Ron's mother, not his, but Ron's family meant a lot to him. They had been his first real look at what a loving family was, and they had been the first family he'd met to bring him in and treat him like one of their own.

"Harry?" Remus asked.

He looked up at Remus and said, "How am I supposed to just forgive everybody that hurts me? You'll want me to forgive Voldemort next."

Remus shook his head. "It's not always about forgiveness," he said, "and if you do choose to forgive, you aren't necessarily forgetting what the person who has hurt you has done. It's about mending what's broken."

"What if I don't want the relationship to be mended though?"

"Sometimes it's not about that either. Sometimes it's about mending what's broken in you."

"I'm not broken," Harry said, growing irritated.

"No," Remus said, "but you're still upset and hurt by what happened. You recall I told you before that we carry those things with us when they aren't mended?" Harry nodded and Remus continued, "And you recall that I told you I'd seen things like this happen to people before? That it affected how they interacted with others?"

"Yeah."

"I'm going to tell you about a person this has happened to before."

Harry's eyes locked on Remus and Remus said, "There was a boy and girl from this school that were best friends. They loved each other, not romantically, but like family. They would do anything to protect each other. They had grown up together and had sworn to be best friends through school and into adulthood. They might have been too, except they didn't live in a perfect world where it was just the two of them and nobody else. There were other people around them. One of those people was a boy that started to date the girl. He wasn't very nice to her friend... in fact he bullied him throughout their stay at Hogwarts, to the point that the girl's friend hated the boy she was dating with a passion."

"Who are we talking about?" Harry asked seriously, but Remus held up a hand.

"Let me finish. The way the girl's boyfriend treated her friend caused the girl and boy to say hurtful things to each other and their friendship ended. They were both hurt by the end of the friendship. The girl and her boyfriend got married and had a child. Her friend was very bitter towards her husband though, not only because he had bullied him in school, but because he had caused an end to the boy's friendship with the girl."

"Who are we talking about?" Harry interrupted again, voice becoming demanding. Lupin didn't answer though and continued with his story.

"He had caused an end to a relationship with a person the boy considered family. That boy became a man and became a teacher at Hogwarts, and when his friend's son came to Hogwarts, he treated her son with the same cruelty he'd been shown by that boy's father. The wound he'd received had never been mended, and that became a part of him and affected the way he interacted with others, not only with his once friend's child, but with everyone around him."

"Who is it?" Harry demanded loudly.

Remus met his eyes and looked sad. "Professor Snape, and Lily, and James, and you."

Harry stood up so quickly he upset the wooden chair he'd been sitting on and barely caught it before it fell over backwards. He ran his hand through his hair and paced in a circle.

"Why are you telling me this now?" Harry asked, stopping his pacing suddenly to face Remus.

"Sometimes hurt can turn to bitterness and anger. It can affect a person's outlook on life, on the world and people around them, and on relationships in general."

"I'm not... scarred or anything," Harry said with exasperation, though he couldn't deny he was hurt.

"But my point stands," Remus said. "Sometimes forgiveness isn't about the person you're forgiving, sometimes it's about dropping the burden you've been carrying."

"What burden?" Harry asked loudly, motioning to the empty office with his hand. "I'm not burdened, I'm dandy, I'm just fine."

"Maybe you are," Remus said. "Only you know what's going on with you. Maybe everything that's happened between you and Molly will fade with time, because sometimes that happens when we're hurt or upset, or maybe the weight of what happened isn't weighing on you like it was before. That's something you have to figure out." Harry looked up and met his eyes again, feeling less agitated than he had minutes before. "But if you're still carrying this around with you... if you're still carrying the hurt around with you of what has happened between the two of you, then it might be worth going to talk to her. If you forgive her or if you don't, if you decide to strike up a relationship with her again or if you don't, going to talk to her... to hear what she has to say, and to say what you need to say could be what's needed to lift the burden of hurt you've been carrying with you all this time."

Harry sighed, feeling deflated. "You've got to stop making me learn all this stuff about being an adult. Being an adult is hard."

"Sometimes it will be easier, and sometimes it won't," Remus said.

"That doesn't help," Harry said plopping into the chair again.

"No cub, it doesn't."

* * *

Harry was late getting back to Grimmuald Place, and Sirius seemed irritated when he returned at almost noon.

"Have a nice visit?" Sirius asked, seeming to be in a grouchy mood.

"Not really," Harry said, and sat down heavily at the kitchen table.

Sirius frowned, "It wasn't a good visit? What'd Snape do?"

Harry raised his brow at him and said, "He didn't do anything aside from let me use his floo to get to the school and back. I just... had a difficult conversation with Remus. He's coming to dinner Wednesday by the way, at six."

"A difficult conversation about what?"

"The Weasleys."

"Oh," Sirius clamped his mouth shut. He'd promised weeks ago not to talk to him about Molly at all.

"Say it," Harry said.

"Say what?"

"Whatever it is you have to say about Mrs. Weasley. I'm already exhausted from wrapping my mind around everything Remus said to me, so you might as well hit me with what you have to say too."

"No," Sirius said, "I don't think I will. As your Godfather I'm pretty sure I'm responsible for getting your mind off of things when you've had a rough day. If you're still up for lunch and hiking, it's not too late to go."

"Really?"

Sirius shot him a grin. "Bought you hiking boots while you were out. We'll have to eat while we hike, but there's still time to turn this into a good day."

Harry gave him a grateful look. "Thanks Sirius... for understanding."

"That's what I'm here for."

* * *

Harry wasn't sure what he was going to do with all that Remus had told him. He returned to Hogwarts two days later to have coffee with Snape, but wasn't sure if should even bring up what Remus had told him about Snape and Lily. Harry had heard that Snape had hated James while they were in school, but it had never been clear to him why, and he'd assumed that Snape hated him too because of whatever it was. Now it all made sense, and he was viewing his previous interactions with Snape in a new light. The fact that Snape set aside his feelings at all when he'd spent so much time hating Harry in order to help him the previous Christmas now felt like it meant something entirely different. Did it mean Snape had mended his own wounds, or did he still hate James? Did he hate Lily?

Harry came out of Snape's floo but found the living room empty. Perhaps he should have owled the night before to be certain it was ok to come through. After a few moments Snape came down the hall from the bedrooms and looked surprised to see him.

"Is Minerva expecting you for tea?" he asked, brow raised.

"Erm, no sir," Harry said. "I was hoping you were free for coffee."

"As it so happens I am. Is this merely a social call?"

"Yes sir. I'm sorry I didn't owl ahead to see if it would be ok to come through."

"I have already given you open permission to do so. So long as you do not abuse it by bringing other people through my quarters, you may continue to use my floo to come to the castle."

"Yes sir."

Snape moved to the kitchen to get two cups. It appeared he already had a pot of coffee brewing and hadn't gotten to it yet that morning as it was only eight. Maybe Harry should have come later in case he was sleeping in since it was summer.

"For the next three days I have staff meetings all day, and there are a few next week as well, but other than that I remain free. Since you helped me brew and re-stock the potions for the Hospital Wing earlier in the summer, the bulk of my summer workload has been reduced."

"Glad I was able to help then," Harry said.

They talked for a few minutes about the new security measures being put in place on school grounds, and Snape informed him that the password to his floo would be changing on Monday to Salamandra. Harry had listened intently but hadn't said much by the time he'd finished his first cup of coffee.

"You appear to have something on your mind Potter."

Harry looked up and frowned. "You weren't looking were you?"

"Did you feel me in your mind?"

"No." Occlumency lessons hadn't gone particularly well in fifth year and had only lasted a few evenings before he and Snape had gotten into an argument and Snape had ended the lessons. He'd accused Harry of looking in his pensieve but Harry hadn't, and hadn't even known what a pensieve was until he'd asked Hermione later.

"You looked lost in thought and have been very quiet."

"I want to ask you something, but I don't want to wreck things."

"Wreck things?"

"This I mean... between us. I don't want you to get mad at me and have things go back to the way they were before."

"They will not."

Harry wasn't sure if he believed him but forged ahead anyway. "Do you hate Lily?"

"I do not. Why do you ask?"

"Do you still hate James?"

Snape didn't answer and Harry looked up to find the man staring at him. "There are things I could say about your father that you would not want to hear."

"You've said some things about him before."

"Unless you want to hear them again, your father is a subject best not brought up with me. I'll ask you again, why are you asking?" Snape seemed on edge and Harry took note, not wanting to raise the man's ire even a little.

"You said last year that you didn't hate me anymore. I wondered if you had hated Lily too, because the two of you had stopped being friends. I wondered if you had forgiven her, or James, and if that's what made you not hate me anymore."

Snape rose and held out his hand for Harry's empty mug and went into the kitchen without a word. He came back a few minutes later with two steaming cups and Harry wondered wryly if he'd added poison to Harry's cup so he wouldn't have to answer him. When Snape was settled in his comfortable living room chair again he said, "I never hated your mother. There was nothing to forgive her for."

"And James?"

"He's best not discussed." Snape grew quiet again as he sipped his hot coffee and Harry sat silently with him again until he said, "I had preconceived notions about you when you first came to school. I had imagined for years that you were your father reincarnate, come to school to torture me. By the time you arrived as a first year I was convinced that you were, and my views of your every action were colored by that belief. It was only at Christmas that I took those blinding glasses off and saw you for the first time as you were, not as I had imagined you to be."

"So- the things that happened between you and James affected how you interacted with me." Remus had been right.

"They should not have, but they did."

"Did that stuff change how you interacted with other people too?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Something Remus said to me," Harry said. "He keeps on telling me to not avoid the issue with Mrs. Weasley, to go talk to her. I keep telling him I shouldn't have to... she had a reason to act like she did, you know, because I'm not even her kid. He said I should go anyway."

"Because?"

"Because if I don't get it figured out, and I let it fester it will become part of me and make me interact with people differently."

"Not everything can be fixed by trying to work things out with others."

"If James had come to you, after school I mean, and apologized for the way he'd acted, would it have made a difference for you?" Snape didn't answer and Harry continued with, "Would it have made a difference with me?"

"Perhaps."

When Harry didn't say anything for a long while and returned to his coffee, Snape said, "You see through colored glasses. You view the world in a way only you will, because of your experiences with your relatives, your friends, your godfather, with me... don't forget like I did to take those glasses off from time to time."

"I won't."

* * *

Harry wanted someone to go with him to the Burrow, but the words of the Professors kept coming back to him about learning to take care of his own problems, and handling them like an adult. He had Sirius to go home to if he got into a row with the Weasley's at the Burrow. He had Hogwarts to go back to if he wanted to talk about things with Snape, Remus or McGonagall. He supposed it was time to take a step out on his own to take care of the rift that still stood between him and Ron's mother.

It had made things awkward between him and Ron and Ginny, and might continue to make things awkward if he and Ginny continued dating, as Remus had said. More than that though, Remus had been right that Harry was still carrying that burden of hurt around. He was so easily set aside, and he was looking through glasses that colored his view of every interaction as if he would be. He didn't want to see things that way anymore, but he still believed Snape, Sirius, and his friends would chuck him out of their lives at the first sign of trouble. The Dursleys had done it, Sirius had done it, his friends had done it, and Mrs. Weasley had done it.

Things had been repaired with Snape, his friends and Sirius. He'd never be able to tell the Dursleys off for the way they had treated him, and that only left Mrs. Weasley.

Harry stood at the edge of the Weasley's garden where he'd apparated in. He hadn't come up with any sort of plan and didn't know what to say. Should he confront her directly? Should he just visit with Ron and Ginny and hope Mrs. Weasley left him alone while he visited? Should he give her unopened gift back to her? He looked down at the wrapped box he'd brought with him. He wasn't certain he wanted it, but he wasn't certain that he didn't want it either.

He supposed he must have stood there for too long staring at the house because the door opened a few minutes after he arrived and revealed Ron.

"You coming in mate?"

I haven't made up my mind yet. "Yeah."

"Ginny's not here. She's out with dad and Fred this morning," Ron said, holding the door open as Harry came through the garden gate and into the house. "George is out too. He had paperwork to file with the Ministry. They're getting ready to open the joke shop and they're in the process of getting a business license. You want something to eat?"

Harry looked around warily, expecting to find Mrs. Weasley, but she didn't seem to be around.

"Where's your mum?" Harry asked.

"Erm-"

"What?"

"Well, she saw you standing outside but not coming in. She called me downstairs and then said she was going to go upstairs for a while and sew so she'd be out of our way."

"But- why would she do that?"

Ron just looked at him like he was daft. "Well, you don't want to see her... do you?" There was that awkwardness between them again. "I mean... she didn't want you to be uncomfortable when you come to visit me and Ginny, and she knows you don't wanna see her or talk to her or anything. We figured that was why you hadn't come by all summer." Ron's eyes drifted down to the unopened gift in Harry's hands.

He leaned in close and whispered, "You're not giving that back to her are you? You can't. I won't let you."

"I wasn't-" Harry said carefully.

"Look," Ron said, looking uncomfortable. "I know some stuff has happened between us... stuff I can't take back. And I know I've made a big mess of things for all of us. I've been trying to make up for what I did but I can't fix all of it. I can't fix things between you and my mum, but I can't let you give that back to her either... ok? It'll hurt her too much. I don't want my friends and family to be hurt anymore because of what I did. If you don't want the gift, stuff it in the bottom of your trunk or something."

"I don't know if I want it or not. I don't know what's inside."

Silence hung between them for a few moments. "Well don't look at me," Ron said, "I don't know either."

Harry looked around the empty kitchen and living room again. It seemed odd to be there without Mrs. Weasley bustling about, cooking something or trying to feed them. The Burrow was usually so lively. There was usually knitting doing itself by the fire, and dishes washing themselves in the sink. The house normally smelled of baking cookies, and there was always laughter to be heard. Now all was quiet and still.

"So you wanna go to my room and read Quidditch magazines? A new one just came in."

Harry turned to his friend and surprised him by giving him a quick hug. "You're not the only one who makes a mess of things you know." Harry pulled away, gift still in hand. "I screw things up all the time. I already forgave you for what happened before Christmas. You don't gotta keep feeling bad about it."

"But it changed everything between us."

"Nah," Harry said, shaking his head, "just made us stronger."

Harry passed Ron and started up the stairs.

"Where are you going? Are we reading magazines or not?"

"No, I came to see your mum. Which room is she in?"

"Second landing, first door on the right," Ron said. "It's Bill's old room. She uses it to sew now."

Harry stopped on the second landing in front of Bill's old room and steeled himself, not sure what would happen once he opened the door. He knocked and heard Mrs. Weasley call softly, "Come in." Harry pushed the door open and she said, "Did you need something Ron? There's muffins on the counter."

When she didn't get a response, she turned from her Muggle sewing machine which had been charmed to run on magic and found Harry in the doorframe looking uncomfortable.

"Harry?" she asked. "Are you ok?"

He shrugged. Now that he was there he really wasn't sure what was going to come out of his mouth. He wasn't angry, and he was no longer upset. He was confused, because he really didn't know what he wanted the outcome of his visit to be, and he wasn't sure if he was ok or not. He surprised himself when he held up her unopened gift and asked, "Why did you give me a birthday gift?" All of the other adults he'd become close to had given him something meaningful for his birthday to prepare him for the future. But she had made it clear over Christmas that they weren't close at all.

She didn't answer and he came into the room further. "Why do you send me letters, and extra socks and snacks when I'm at school? Why do you send me Christmas presents? I don't know why you would do that."

"I'm not sure you want to hear my answer."

"I want to know, because I can't figure it out. My own family doesn't send me gifts or letters or snacks. They don't check in with me, ever, and they don't care if I have what I need. So why do you?" He knew bitterness was seeping into his voice. Laying it all out like this stung, because the Dursleys had never given a thought to his well-being, but here was Ron's mum doing it. The fact that she did it at all made him miss having a mother of his own when he hadn't before. Lily would have been like Mrs. Weasley, Harry was certain of it. She would have baked, and sent him extra socks. She would have made sure he was warm in winter and written to him to be sure his grades were good and that he didn't need any more school supplies.

"You're not my blood Harry, but I love you like you are."

"Don't say that," he turned away. "You don't mean it."

"Yes I do."

He turned back to her and shook his head. "You pretend like you do. But if it comes between me and one of your real kids you'll choose them over me every time." Tears prickled his eyes and he turned away from her again. "If I had a mum... if my mum were alive, she'd be like that. I don't blame you... just, don't pretend to care when you don't." It wasn't fair for her to say things like that to him... not now when he knew it wasn't true.

"I was never pretending," she said. "Arthur and I petitioned Dumbledore every year since you met Ron to get custody of you. Every year we fought with him to get him to allow you to stay over holidays with us. When Albus told us you couldn't come home with Ron for Christmas in your first year, we gave Ron permission to stay at school with you. When Albus said you couldn't stay the summer with us and you didn't answer Ron's letters the boys went on their own to collect you in the flying car."

Harry had turned to stare at her as she described their struggles trying to get the Headmaster to let him live with and visit them. He hadn't realized any of that had been going on.

"You ditched me for Christmas. I didn't even do anything wrong," he said, anger in his eyes and bitterness in his words. "I almost didn't even get a Christmas except for Snape found me crying in the corridor all by myself. First sign of trouble and you dropped me like I was nothing. You didn't even want my side of the story. If Fred had hit a kid for no reason would you have left him at school alone for Christmas? Would you have just carried on without him? I wanted to-" Harry choked and stepped back out of the room into the hallway. Ron was nowhere to be seen and he was glad. He hoped his friend wasn't eavesdropping.

Harry took the stairs two at a time back to the kitchen and set the present on the kitchen table and scrubbed at his eyes. He was 17, he shouldn't be crying over his friend's family not wanting anything to do with him. He had a family at Hogwarts. And he had a family at Grimmuald Place. That was enough. Like at Christmas when he found he had friends in more places than he had thought, he had found out over the summer he had more family than he had imagined.

"You wanted to what?" came Mrs. Weasley's soft voice from behind him.

Harry froze. He didn't want to tell her, which was why he had backed out of the room and gone to the kitchen, so he could have a moment to breathe and pull himself back together like the 17 year old he was supposed to be.

"You wanted to what Harry?" she asked, coming around in front of him when he didn't turn to face her.

Ron didn't want him to hurt her. Telling her would hurt her. He hadn't told anyone because he hadn't needed to. It wasn't a big deal because Snape had found him and taken him to the Christmas room and things had all worked out, hadn't they? But he wanted her to understand why it was such a big deal that everyone had dumped him for Christmas. "I wanted to hurtle myself off the North Tower, because no one would care if I did... because no one cared about me at all. That was the one thing I wished for for Christmas... just one person that cared. I would have done it but Professor Snape found me first."

The tears pooled in his eyes and made his vision blurry, and he clamped his mouth shut so he didn't make any noise at all. Mrs. Weasley pulled him into a hug and he didn't fight it even though he felt like he should have. "I'm so sorry Harry," she said, hugging him tightly even though he didn't hug her back. "I should have gotten your side of the story, and we shouldn't have left you alone for Christmas. When Fred and George told me you had broken Ron's nose in a letter, and Ron came home for the holiday without you sullen and moody, snapping at anyone who said anything to him, we thought you had opted to stay at the castle by yourself because of the fight. I had no idea that Ron had started it and that you were only trying to defend yourself. We had still expected you to come home with him and thought we would have the two of you sit down and work things out, but then you didn't come back with him. When the boy's returned for the holiday and went on and on about the fight and Ron's injury I was upset on his behalf and I didn't send your Christmas gift."

She was still squeezing him tightly, and he let her because he didn't want her to see his fallen tears. He blinked rapidly trying to clear them futilely. "Ron saw me packing the night before Christmas and told me I wasn't coming with him."

Harry pulled away and she let go. He turned and ran his bare arm across his eyes again trying to clear away the evidence. Explaining to her that he had planned on jumping off the tower the previous Christmas had sent him right back to everything he had felt that night... back to sitting on the corridor floor crying and wishing for just one person to take notice of him at all so he wouldn't have to...

"I've made a sweater for every one of my children every year they've gone to Hogwarts," she said from behind him, "to keep them warm and remind them of home. It takes a week to make each one. I've never made one for anyone else, only my children."

Harry frowned as he listened to her. But she had made one for him every year. Every year except last year.

"I pick a color of yarn I know my child will like, and I spend the entire week thinking about them as I knit their jumper, wondering what they're doing at school, and if they're making new friends. Thinking about if they have enough school supplies and if they're eating well." Harry turned to look at her. She was staring at the unwrapped birthday gift on the table. She had tears in her eyes as well. Then she turned to him. "I know I'm not your mother Harry. I'm not Lily. And I know I've hurt you by my thoughtlessness, but you are my son, whether you want to be or not. If you don't respond to my letters, I'll understand. If you don't use the school supplies I send, or accept the gifts I send, I'll understand. But I'll keep sending them anyway, in case you do need them. Albus wouldn't let us have you, but we've never stopped caring about you, and we never will. That is why I send you presents Harry."

Harry didn't know what to say to her. He hadn't when he had arrived and he didn't know now. He was curious about what was inside the gift though. He took a step to the table and slowly pulled away the green wrapping paper and cardboard box. It was a green Christmas jumper with a dark blue H on the front. Green and blue were his favorite colors.

"Have you ever looked at the tags inside the jumpers?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"It's inside on the bottom."

He unfolded the jumper and looked inside. There was a tag sewn into the inner hem near the bottom. On the tag in black ink was written, ‘For my son.'

"All of mine say this?" he asked.

"All of them."

"But you didn't even know me that first Christmas."

"It didn't matter. Arthur and I had already decided to take you and love you as one of our own."

Harry gave a little laugh, startling her and he turned with tears in his eyes and a silly look on his face. "What am I gonna do? If you're my mum I'm not gonna be able to marry Ginny someday, she'll be my sister!"

"Then maybe it's a good thing Albus never let us legally adopt you," she said, pulling him into another hug. "Whether you and Ginny end up together or not, or whether you and the boys are friends or not, you'll still be the son of our hearts. You'll always have a place here with us. And if you fight with someone just before Christmas, come home anyway."

Harry hugged her back this time, emotions whirring about his mind. He didn't know what to feel. He wanted to be a part of their family because he always had, but he was still so uncertain of how things would turn out... someday they might be so angry with him they really would disown him. If they did, he would have a place with Sirius. And if Sirius disowned him, Harry would have a place at Hogwarts. Maybe he would have to try lifting his colored glasses off his eyes for a while and get a fresh look on how the world worked. After all, it hadn't turned out so bad when Snape had looked at Harry in a new light, had it?