The next evening after classes Harry feels the need to clear his head, he heads outside down to the lake until he sees a very special old Beech tree overhanging the lake. He pauses as he gets nearer, spotting a dark figure sitting still under the tree, he walks a bit nearer being careful not to make any noise, the man is sitting completely still cross-legged with his hands in front of him in a pose that appears very much like the muggle art of meditating. He contemplates whether he should turn back, he glances again he seems to be in a deep trance, he walks quietly behind him and sits down relaxing against the tree trunk a distance away from him being careful not to disturb the man, he looks out across the lake, it is a beautiful view with the sun setting light reflecting off the water, he closes his eyes enjoying the gentle cooling breeze on his face and finds himself drifting off.

Suddenly he wakes with a start wondering how long he has been out? He looks around, everything appears the same, Snape appears not to have moved, he smiles and relaxes leaning back against the tree when he is startled by a silky soft voice "ah Mr Potter to what do I owe the pleasure? It appears I can't even relax in peace without being followed"

He gulps "I'm sorry I didn't mean to disturb you, I just needed to clear my head and get some fresh air and well Sev said this was one of his favourite places to come and think and get away from everyone, he said it was very peaceful. I didn't know you were going to be here honest"

"He is correct, it is quite peaceful, normally'' there is silence for a while as Snape resumes trying to sort silently through his memories to analyse and sift through the emotions and turmoil of the last few days, it is an extension of his Occlumency exercises that is very much needed.

"Sir, I did want to say something since you were here if that's ok?" a voice says hesitantly.

He sighs, realising he is not likely to make much more progress tonight, trust an overly curious Potter to once again disrupt his plans for a quiet life "go on then since you have already disturbed me"

Harry flushes feeling increasingly embarrassed, he gulps bracing himself for what he needs to say "sorry sir I didn't mean to."

"Out with it Potter, I don't have all night" he snaps impatiently.

"Right, sir. I've been meaning to apologise for what happened last year, I know you probably won't believe me when I say this but, I am sorry for looking at your memories I feel really bad about it. I don't know why I did it or what I was expecting, I guess I was angry, I felt abandoned and betrayed like people were hiding information from me and I thought I don't know, maybe it would be something useful that would help me. I never imagined I would see that memory, it was horrible and I can see why you didn't want me to see it, I'd be pretty upset as well if someone saw something like that"

He sighed bracing himself "I know you won't believe me but I am sorry. I'm sorry for the way I acted and that I violated your privacy, and for what it's worth I'm sorry for the way my father acted, the way he hexed you like that for no reason in front of the whole school it was just, well it made me feel sick. I didn't want to believe that he really was as bad as you made out, guess I didn't realise just how tough it was for you growing up until I saw it for myself, I get why you'd hate me"

Snape tries to suppress the anger threatening to rise, it was a decent attempt at an apology and the last part clenched at even his cold heart. He took a deep, calming breath and tried to think how to discuss this. "You must understand Potter that memories are a very private thing, they are often deeply personal and they can contain very sensitive information, as you have seen. Viewing a person's memory without their permission is an extreme violation of their privacy like me using Legilimency on you without your permission. That memory was very painful and embarrassing and not one that I wished to share with you much like you do not wish me to see some of your, ah more painful memories that is why I was so angry with you. Do you understand?"

"Yes sir, sorry," he says with a gulp looking down anticipating the onslaught.

Snape continues with a sigh "however it is not entirely your fault. You do have a habit of meddling with things that do not concern you, it was somewhat foolish of me to assume that you wouldn't be attracted to my pensive and able to resist the temptation of looking inside. It was foolish of me not to put it away somewhere safe and secure my office before I left, however, Malfoy distracted me with his sudden unexpected interruption causing me to forget. You will not tell anyone what you saw in the pensive" he said phrasing it more as an order than a question, his voice a low-threatening whisper.

He looked at him in shock and horror "no, never, I swear I would never tell anyone, I know what it's like to be embarrassed like that" he blurted out, the last part said quietly in embarrassment, recalling Dudley and his friends embarrassing him in a similar fashion in front of the whole school.

His professor examines him before nodding, satisfied that his secret is indeed safe "I hope you have learned something from this incident and will not seek to emulate your father" he says sternly.

He looks up in surprise not expecting this admission "yes sir, I have I promise, besides I don't think I'm much like my father, not any more not after seeing how scared Sev was when he thought I was my father"

"No, perhaps you are not as much like your father as I once thought" he conceded softly "you are much more like your mother" the last part said more quietly as though to not wanting Harry to hear it.

Harry looks up at him startled, wondering if he heard right. He thinks this over before daring to speak, "is that why you hate me, because of my father?"

Snape jolts at this, spinning round to face the boy looking at his sad face in shock. He erects his strongest privacy wards around them replying "I don't hate you, Potter, hard as it may seem to believe, you may not have noticed but, I dislike a large number of the students I am forced to teach" he admits softly attempting to inject some humour.

The boy looks up at him surprised his face wet "come on sir we both know that's not true, you've always taken a particular delight in torturing me from the moment you saw me, singling me out, berating me and making an example of me in front of the class and reminding me how I'm a celebrity, and how much I'm like my father, we both know you can't stand me" Snape reels from that statement feeling suddenly guilty.

"Come here Potter, look at me," he instructs as the boy wearily moves to sit nearer to him and stares nervously up at him, "do you want to know the truth?" he hesitates then nods "I can tell you and answer any questions you have, but if I do I will have to perform a memory charm on you called the memory lock charm, it will make you forget the conversation we're about to have until I give you a code to unlock the memory, but you will have the memories eventually."

He looks at him confused "but, why would you need to use that charm to make me forget?"

He put his hand gently on the boy's shoulder looking him straight in the eye "listen to me, I wouldn't use this charm unless I thought it was necessary but, the fact remains that you have a powerful connection to the Dark Lord which we haven't managed to sever. If he were to somehow gain access to your memories and see what I was about to tell you, it might put everything at risk. He believes I am loyal to him if he learns the truth, the consequences could be dire, it could put countless lives in danger, is that what you want to put your friends in danger?" he shook his head vigorously, gulping at the thought "trust me when I say that right now the less you know about me the better, you understand?"

Harry pales at this. He considers looking up uncertainly "oh I see, yeah, I guess. You promise I'll get these memories back?" he looks up almost pleadingly at him.

"Yes Harry, I swear it on my magic, I'll ensure that you get these memories back when this is all over no matter what"

He looks up at him decisively, "alright do it" he performs the first part of the incantation before getting Harry to verbally consent to the memory lock charm.

Snape steels himself for this conversation. As he tries to decide how to begin, memories come flooding back to him. He sinks his head in his hands, groaning as more incidents occur to him when he has acted unfairly treating the boy like he is his father, what was it about him that made him react in such a way so unreasonably? Surely it wasn't just his appearance but also his behaviour which he had misinterpreted all these years as being an attention-seeking troublemaker, constantly putting his own life in danger with little regard for the rules just like his father.

Was that why he frustrated him so when he went to such pains to keep him safe without anyone finding out. Perhaps if he had not been blinded by his past and emotions and had taken care to find out more about his home life he would have understood why he cared so little about himself that he would willingly place himself in danger, maybe he would have acted differently to guide him if he'd gone into this with an open mind free of the burdens of his past.

He realises how his actions must appear to anyone observing him, they would surely draw the same conclusion. It had of course been his intention to put on a stone-cold mask of indifference to keep him at arm's length while making it look as though he hated him to hide the fact he was protecting him but, somewhere along the line, he who was meant to be the responsible adult allowed old emotions got in the way dredging up the past and holding on to old grudges all because he was too stubborn to see the boy for the unique person he really was. Lily would truly be appalled with him if she knew all the mistakes he had made, he owed it to her to try and make this right.

He's startled from his thoughts by a concerned voice "are you alright sir?"

"I'm fine Potter, merely realisation hitting me like a brick wall, I believe that is the expression you muggles use. I've been a fool, I have allowed myself to be blinded by my past and emotions instead of seeing you as your own man. I can see why you'd think I hated you" he pauses "tell me was I really that terrible?" he asks looking up at him.

Harry stares at him unsure how to respond to this, does he dare to tell him the truth and risk his wrath "uh are you sure you really want me to answer that Sir?"

When he notices the discomfort in the boy's face with disappointment, it speaks volumes "I see that bad was I?" he covers his face with his hand wondering where to begin "I'm sorry Harry, I should have realised a long time ago, I've been a blind fool"

He sighs "I don't hate you not anymore at least, perhaps I did once or at least I hated what I thought I saw. The last few days have given me a lot to think about and forced me to face some uncomfortable truths and reassess some of my preconceptions. I realise now that I have perhaps treated you more unfairly than I realised and I find myself lacking a good explanation. Whilst it is true that your resemblance to your father stirs up a lot of uncomfortable emotions, that is not the only reason for my behaviour" he admitted shoulders sagging.

"I had few chances to learn how to interact socially with other children and as a result, I have always struggled with my emotions as perhaps you may have noticed. It is part of the reason why I needed to learn Occlumency when I agreed to be a spy for the light. I believed it necessary to put up a cold front lest I let my emotions get the better of me and slip up in front of any students whose families may still support him. I wonder now if I misinterpreted your actions and allowed myself to become too overzealous and blinded by my emotions and past grudges only seeing in you the parts of your father that I hated instead of seeing the young boy who needed guidance and encouragement. For that, I am truly sorry"

He sighs bracing himself "the truth is, when I see you, I see so much of your parents in you. I see your father in your face and your actions but I also see your mother. I see her smile, her green eyes, those eyes cut right through me judging me, I think perhaps you have her kind heart as well. It is painful when I see your face because you remind me so much of them that it brings the memories flooding back, like a whirlwind of emotions and memories that I can't control and would rather forget. Your mother was my best friend, I would have done anything to protect her, to save her, you remind me constantly that I failed, that I could not save her, even your father much as I hated him he did not deserve to die. I hate myself for that, for what I allowed myself to become" there is genuine sadness in his voice as he looks out into the distance.

There is silence as Harry tries to digest all this "thank you, I'm glad you told me. I can't just turn around and forgive you for all those years or pretend it didn't happen but, it helps to know, I can't imagine how difficult it must be trying to handle all those emotions whilst trying to hide your true feelings" he pauses "you shouldn't blame yourself for what happened to my parents, it wasn't your fault"

"No!" he says with such force that Harry recoils in shock "you don't understand, it was my fault he heard the prophecy, it was a mistake, I didn't realize what I was giving him" he says more quietly hanging his head, shutting his eyes as though in pain.

Harry looks at him startled "I know, I was very angry at first, I hated you more than I ever thought possible, I even blamed you for Sirius's death because I was angry and it was easier than admitting my own guilt but not anymore, the last few days I've seen things differently" he says this quietly recalling how he heard about Snape overhearing the conversation, the overwhelming hatred and anger he felt at that time, there is something he needs to know, "there was one thing though" he asks hesitantly almost not daring to ask but he needs to know, Snape lifts his head slightly, his eyes startling are tear-stained "if you don't mind me asking why did you join him, sir?"

He blinks at him startled by the question before composing himself. He looks ahead, his gaze distant as though he is looking not just through distance but time itself. "Harry, it is natural for you to be curious about such things but there are things you must understand in order for me to answer. You see things were different back then, I was young and naive all around me my housemates were excited, talking about this powerful wizard who was going to bring about real change and punish those that had wronged us. They were very convincing, everyone wanted to join, we believed we were fighting for a worthy cause, it is true of course that some of the more influential and sadistic students joined him for the fun of killing muggles but many of us had no idea of the atrocities that he would commit or that he would be the next dark lord"

"There was a lot of pressure from our peers and sometimes from family members, the older students could be very persuasive, you see they considered that it was our duty as Slytherins to pledge our allegiance to him, to not do so was seen to bring great shame on our house. They seduced people talking of a worthy cause, promising riches, power, influence, acceptance, whatever people wanted they would promise and for those who would not be bought there were other less gentle methods of persuasion"

He paused, licking his lips as though nervous to speak the next part "I tried my best to keep myself to myself, I did not discuss my home life, I was ashamed of my upbringing and hid my status as a half-blood but Lucius took an interest in me straight away, he groomed me, stroking the ego of a young neglected boy with no friends. He was smart enough to pick up on the abuse and my unhappiness. He offered me what he thought I wanted power over others, recognition, acceptance, revenge on those who tormented me, including my muggle father. He was very convincing and I was too young and foolish to see the truth that Lily kept telling me, I thought I knew better. I was disillusioned with the light and Dumbeldore who had failed to stop the bullying and protect me. When Lily rejected me I spiralled into a deep depression, I felt my life wasn't worth living without her, I had nothing to left to lose by joining him. I thought this was my only chance of getting out of the slums and making something of myself and getting even with those who had wronged me, I even dreamed foolishly that I might impress Lily with my new status" he snorted bitterly shaking his head at the irony of it.

"You must remember they didn't advertise themselves as Death Eaters at that point we were revolutionaries fighting for a just cause, a better world for wizards under the leadership of a powerful wizard. Many people believed we were better off cutting ourselves off from muggles, growing up as an outcast amongst muggles with an abusive, drunk muggle father I believed them to be right. I didn't realize the truth of it, the horror of what I had truly signed up for until it was too late, by the time I knelt to take the mark the brand that would forever be a stain upon my soul it was too late to back out even though the truth made me sick. Fortunately for me, he valued my skills as a soon to be potions master and expert in the dark arts, he knew I would do well silently observing, blending into the shadows and reporting back and so I escaped much of the killing, but what I saw made me feel ill, this was not the just cause I had thought. Soon I started plotting in secret, trying to think of a way out. I knew my best chance was to seek out Dumbledore to confess my sins and beg for his mercy, that was how I ended up in the Hog's Head when I overheard that which I was never meant to hear"

He draws himself up trying to find the strength for the next part "the barkeeper found me and assumed me up to no good, he kicked me out and that was when I was called back. There were already those questioning my loyalty. He used Legilimency on me to find where I'd been and I was too weak to resist, he was pleased, he assumed I had gathered this information for him. The rest you probably know, I sought out Dumbledore when I realised your parents were in danger and begged for his help, he agreed although he still did not trust me, he asked what I would do in return and I told him I would do anything to save Lily, to save all of you. His price was that I become a spy, secretly loyal to him, he even suggested that I become a teacher as he knew there would soon be a vacancy, he knew that the dark lord would approve of as he had long wanted someone to spy on him. I agreed readily and proposed the idea to him, he was pleased with the idea of having his own mole in Hogwarts, little did he know"

Harry listens watching the man in shock, he feels anger welling up inside him, not for his teacher but, for all the innocent young students drawn into Voldermort's rank by lies, the promise of power and a better world. How many more can tell a similar tale, how many died trying to escape? He looks at the man slumped next to him, his head hung in shame, gone is the cold imposing hated Professor in his place, a sad and dejected man who has carried a great burden all these years, the unspoken weight of years of grief and guilt. Suddenly his teacher's cold, hard demeanour made much more sense than the realisation hits him.

"You were afraid weren't you, afraid I'd hate you?"

The man startles turning towards him, his eyes wet and red he composes himself replying calmly "perhaps, why, don't you?"

Harry thinks for a moment "no, I did before but I don't hate you not now. You were young, you made a bad decision, as did so many others, but you also did your best to make amends, you've spent years serving to try to atone for your past and carrying the guilt like a burden. That's what makes me so angry, why I wanted to help Sev so he could feel like he had a choice, a chance at a better life" he says sadly, shaking his head.

He pauses "you did what you could, you couldn't have saved my parents. He would have done anything to kill me, he didn't care who stood in my way, he would have killed you as he killed my parents, what use would there have been in that?"

He gapes at him in shock before sighing "I guess, it doesn't stop the guilt though, I'm not a good man I've done a lot of terrible things, things I'm not proud of. I was afraid of a great many things, afraid you'd hate me yes, afraid to see her face in yours, afraid to get to know you in case I cared too much, afraid of what might happen, afraid I might put us both in danger if he found out. I convinced myself it was for the best if I distanced myself from you, better that you believed that I hated you" he looks away bowing his head in shame.

He looked up suddenly "you know that when I asked Dumbledore to protect your family I agreed to serve him as a spy in return. Many doubted my loyalties, if any of the Death Eaters had suspected my true loyalties if they had thought that I cared about you do you know what they would have done?"

"They would have killed you!" Harry says numb with horror as the realisation hits him.

"No, not quite" he says shaking his head, smiling only slightly, "I would be too valuable for a quick death. They would have taken pleasure in torturing me until I was too weak or broken to resist or perhaps they would have attempted to put me under the imperius curse to turn my own loyalty against me. Either way, it would have been a slow and painful death, they would have used me to hurt you and others that we care about"

"That's horrible!" Harry exclaims in horror and anger.

"Quite and can you imagine what your reaction would have been if you cared about me and learned that I was in danger?"

Realisation dawns on Harry's face and he blushes "I would have tried to save you, Sir" he says indignantly.

He raised an eyebrow knowingly as though he had proven his point "indeed, you would have played right into their hands and put yourself in grave danger. If they had used me to hurt you I couldn't have lived with myself. It's my job to protect you, not the other way round. I could not take that risk, it was safer to put up a cold front, besides why would I expect you to care about me"

There is silence, Harry says softly "that's why you pushed me away?" he nods his agreement.

"You are a child, you are burdened with more than your share of responsibilities, one of them should not be worrying about me and my duties as a spy" he says bluntly holding his hand up to halt the protestations at him being called a child.

"You don't have many people who care about you, do you?"

He shakes his head "very few, most people who I thought cared about me wanted something in return but there was one person who always truly cared and I was reckless and foolish enough to throw away their friendship"

Something hits Harry as he ponders this "my mum?" he gasps, his eyes meet with Snape's for a moment and he knows in that instant he's correct, he sees the sadness in his eyes "you miss her don't you?" he says, risking a glance at him.

His head snaps up at this, fixing Harry with a piercing gaze before looking away, staring into the distance as he sees her in his mind laughing in her infectious way and running young and carefree, her red hair sparkling like gold in the sunlight. He sighed, it would always be just a memory "more than you can imagine" he replies softly voice full of pain and longing.

"I miss them too. I miss Sirius, all those years we lost, he was taken too soon before we could make up for it, I can't believe he's really gone. I know you won't feel his loss like I do, but he was the closest thing I had to a dad, a real dad" he pauses "I don't remember my parents. I always wanted to imagine they were good people, my Aunt told me they were drunk and died in a car crash, I needed to believe they were better than that. Then I met Remus and Sirius and they told me all about my father, they made him sound so great like everyone laughed at their jokes and it was all harmless fun. I couldn't bear to believe that he was an arrogant bully at least not until I saw it for myself, I didn't want to see that, to believe that my father could be so horrid and cruel, sometimes I wonder why my mum ever chose to marry him"

"Harry, I may not have liked Black but I can see what he meant to you, it is hard to lose someone you love so much, particularly under such traumatic circumstances. Losing your mother almost broke me, I felt my life had no purpose but Albus, Minerva and the others all thought otherwise, they refused to let me give up and somehow I found the strength to carry on, I know you can do the same, those we love like Sirius and Lily are always with us in our hearts, never forget that. Much as I disliked your Father and Black, I was an angry young man and antagonised them as much as they did me but he did grow up and became a brave man and a good husband, he cared fiercely for those he loved and would have done anything to protect them. I had no wish to see any of them dead." He braces himself for the next words that are particularly hard. "It is only natural to idolise your parents, I never had a father who I could look to as a role model that dream was shattered early on, but I always longed for someone who could fill that void who could love me like a father should"

He pauses trying to suppress the anger he feels at the boy having to endure such a terrible existence with his relatives "Your Aunt and Uncle should never have told you such horrible lies about your parents, you were robbed of the truth and a proper childhood"

"I wish you'd told me about my parents. Well ok perhaps not about my dad but, you were good friends with my mum, you could have told me about her, I would have liked to have heard stories about her from you, maybe it might have helped you as well to remember her"

He looks up at him surprised at what he's suggesting that he would have liked to have spent time with him even if just to get to hear about Lily. He realises that he should have made more of an effort to bond with the boy to get to know him instead of just seeing his parents, perhaps Harry would have behaved better if he'd had a positive role model someone looking out for him. All that time he's wasted and now it's probably too late now knowing what he has committed to, it will shatter their world in pieces. He wonders if there is something he can still do for him though.

"I've made a lot of mistakes, I guess I was scared to try and establish a relationship with you, worried what you might think of me, ironic really considering. I was too blind to realise you might need someone like me in your life, perhaps it might have done us both good to share some of my memories. If I could go back I guess I'd do a lot of things differently"

He sits reflecting for a moment "you know Professor Slughorn always used to boast that your mother was one of his best students, well both of us really, but he was always especially proud of her, she had the one thing I lacked charm and charisma, that's what won him over and most of the other teachers as well, she knew just how to win over people. I told you when you first started that you could be taught to bottle fame, and if ever there was a man to do it, it was Professor Slughorn he collected the rich and talented students like muggles collect stamps and he used them to advance his social circle, he used his connections to help them and they rewarded him in kind"

Harry looks up at him surprised to see this change, the sudden warmth in his voice as he reminisces fondly "I saw her photo when we went to see him, he mentioned her, I never realised before that she was good at potions, I'm not sure I inherited her skills. You know I never knew what she looked like until Hagrid gave me that photo album"

"Oh yes we used to spend a good deal of our free time brewing potions together, she was clever and a quick learner and I practically had potions running in my blood, I was always experimenting, trying to refine the recipes to achieve better results or come up with new potions, your mother was very clever she always had good ideas, things I may never have thought of on my own. You've got potential I think, more than I've given you credit for, but you lack confidence in your abilities, that's my fault nurturing students was never my strong point, I was always much better at brewing than teaching, I've always found it hard to connect with children" he admits deflating at the thought that he could have killed off any early talent Harry may have shown for potions.

Harry looks across at him, it's nice to hear him talking about his mother, he looks happier. "did you ever think that you'd like to have a family Sir?" he ventures nervously, the man is brought swiftly out of his daydream and turns to look at him startled by the sudden personal question. Harry dares a glance across at his shocked face before steeling himself to continue in spite of his awkwardness

"I'm sorry, I know that's a bit of a personal thing to ask, it's just, well I thought you seemed kind of lonely and I thought maybe if you had a family it might have helped you heal. I always wanted a real family to love me and protect me and be proud of me like they were with my cousin," he says sadly.

Snape looks at him agog at the question, he's angry at first for asking such a personal question but, then he realises he's right, he has been lonely for so long a family might have brought him comfort and helped him move on.

He shakes his head smiling to himself "perhaps you're right, I'd not given it much thought. I never felt I had the chance with my work to think about having a family, I doubt anyone would want me" he finishes sadly, catching the boy sneakily looking at him, hopefully, before looking away.

He whirls around "hang on, you weren't suggesting you'd want me to look after you after everything I've done?" he asks gobsmacked as it dawns on him what he's implying, strange feelings stirring inside him as he realises the boy's just admitted he would have considered him as a father, he'd never thought that he'd get that chance, never considered it now suddenly he feels aware of a gaping hole where something was missing. Was that why he'd felt so compelled to hug the strange boy who reminded him so much of himself because he represented the son he'd never had?

"I don't know, I guess I would have been horrified before if anyone had suggested it but now. I always wanted a real dad, a real family. They just treated me like a House Elf, as though they were ashamed for anyone to see me to know I existed, they told me I was a worthless freak and my parents were drunks who died in a car crash, they locked me in a cupboard and made me sleep there as though it were my bedroom" he said.

Snape was livid, and if Harry had not been so self-absorbed, he would have noticed his face was thunderous with barely contained rage that virtually radiated off of him in waves.

"At least you cared about my Mum and you always protected me even when I didn't know it. I think now that I would have been happy with you" he continued oblivious tugging on the older man's heartstrings.

"you know what the funny thing was though, no one ever came to check I was ok. I always dreamed someone would rescue me but no one ever did. Strange isn't it everyone says they care, they say I'm special because I'm the boy who lived but no one ever cared enough to check that their precious saviour was ok, I didn't even know I was a wizard until Hagrid told me" he says choking up with years of pent-up anger and unshed tears.

Snape's face looked mortified "I'm so sorry Harry we failed you, if we'd known we would have fetched you and demanded you were placed in a proper home" suddenly he schooled himself his face set with grim determination, the anger clearly written in his expression "I swear if I ever get the chance I will curse those despicable muggles that call themselves your relatives, he would probably be pleased if I finished the job for him. How you and Lily could be related to that vile horse-faced woman I could never fathom" he said causing jolting Harry out of his own thoughts and causing him to back up in fearful awe of his professor.

"No! Don't kill them!" he shouted in alarm.

Snape whirled around to him in shock "what, after all, they've done to you, you would defend them, spare them from the justice they deserve?"

"No" Harry shook his head trying to sort out his confused thoughts, "I wouldn't go that far, I just wouldn't want to hurt them, not like him"

"Don't worry, there are plenty of creative ways to make them suffer and feel the effects of what they have done and make them live with the guilt without resorting to such primitive means of torture" Snape replied with an evil smirk as though he truly relished the idea, an idea that Harry didn't find at all hard to believe.

Harry shook his head trying not to think about what methods Snape knew for exacting revenge on the Dursley's, he tried to shift the conversation topic "I just wish someone had cared, I felt so abandoned as though no one ever cared that I existed"

He tries to form words but finds himself struggling to speak "I'm sorry, I was so incensed by what you said I allowed old feelings to take over"

"You asked me if I had ever considered raising you, the truth is I never had the chance to think about it. I honestly didn't think you'd want me of all people to raise you and I'm not sure I'd have been receptive back then. Besides which, I was in no fit state to consider raising a child. I doubt that Dumbledore would ever have allowed it, at any rate, there would have been uproar if I had and it had become common knowledge, not to mention that it could have put us both in serious danger if any of his followers had found out and decided to come after me or if the Ministry had learnt and decided to intervene on the grounds that I was unfit to raise a child"

"With regards to your other questions. I wasn't there when Dumbledore decided where you would live. I know that he sent Professor Mogonacall to observe your relatives and that she raised her concerns and made many objections, I believe her words were something to the effect that they were the worst kind of muggles and not fit to raise a child. I was broken, devastated by the loss of your mother and waiting to be put on trial as a Death Eater, no one would care much what I thought and quite frankly I did not have the energy or motivation to fight him. I shared my concerns with them when they saw me but I knew little about what had happened to you only that he had placed you with relatives. I blindly and naively assumed he had found someone else that you were loved and spoiled rotten and well you know the rest, it wasn't until recently that I realised how wrong I'd been or perhaps simply how much I'd been in denial. I do know that there were plenty of people who would have been more than willing to take you in given the chance, Minerva for one would have done anything to take you in if Dumbledore had not convinced her you would be safe there"

"The reason why we did not come was simple, Albus assured us you would be safe that he had put measures in place and that he would be alerted if you were in any danger he would be notified. He warned us not to interfere, specifically with me and Professor McGonagall. I think he was worried about what may happen if I learnt there was something wrong and attempted to intervene that I may lose my temper and hex them all or something like that. We heard nothing from him so we assumed you were alright. I'm truly sorry, I swore I would protect you and yet I let you down"

Harry finds himself calmed slightly by his professor's embrace, up close he can smell herbs lingering on him and finds the smell soothing, he even manages a smile at the thought of Snape hexing the Dursleys "I thought he cared? I can imagine why he'd think you might hex the Dursley's that would have been funny, not that I would want you to do that" he adds hastily.

"You are a child and I assure you, you did nothing to deserve that treatment, no child deserves to be treated that way no matter how much they may make you feel otherwise. If we'd have known how they were treating you we would have fought to get you out of there, I have fought tooth and nail to help many of my students who are abused or neglected at home. I know that the Headmaster does care a great deal about you and was very upset and remorseful when he realised how bad things were. He was naive and thinking of the greater good, I do not think he truly comprehends the abuse and neglect some childen suffer. It was inconceivable to him that they would not provide you with a safe and loving home, he had a hard time accepting his mistake,, so try not to judge him too harshly" he smiles as well at the thought of him hexing the Dursley's, it is a very tempting prospect although he has learned to be restrained in meting out justice.

He embraced Harry as he remained huddled into him, rubbing his back soothingly, lost in thought as he feels him relax into him, weak but considerably less burdened from releasing so much of his past "I never had a chance to be a father, I guess I would have liked to have had a son I think, someone to care for, I suppose it's too late now" he muses sadly.

Harry looks up at him surprised by this, he puts a hand gently on his arm resting his head against his chest "I think you would have been a great father, Sir, you still could be"

Snape startles at this, and he smiles slightly at that "you think?" he nods, Snape shakes his head sadly in response, hanging his head so his long hair falls over his face "no it's too late for that, another war is coming, my position as a spy makes it too dangerous for me to raise a son as much as I would like to, my masters ask too much of me to involve you, it could only end in heartbreak" he says shaking his head sadly.

Noticing how Harry slumps looking dejected at this he beckons him over "come now don't be sad, come here and let me look at you" he says kindly, Harry turns to him and he gently cups his hands under his chin, lifting his face so it's level with his own. He has to stop himself from looking away, he's tried so hard to avoid looking at his face these past years, the resemblance to his father is striking with his unruly hair and glasses. He has an idea, gently he slides the glasses off his face brushing the stray hair off of his face. That's better the boy looks different now, he lacks his father's arrogant sneer and his face looks more rounded like Lily's, he has her warm smile and those eyes, those painfully beautiful bright green eyes, it always shocks him to look into those eyes, he could get lost in those eyes mesmerising as he always used to as a child. How has he missed this brave, kind young man before him?

Harry is startled by his Professor's gaze, his touch is gentler than he would have given him credit, he is tempted to lean into his touch but resists. He looks properly into the man's face, not used to seeing him up this close. His face is hardly handsome, pointed and thin with a long hooked nose and pale sallow skin framed by greasy dark hair but it's the eyes that draw his attention. He'd always tried to avoid looking into those eyes, they'd always appeared like empty pools of blackness cold and bottomless devoid of emotion but, now they seem different, dark eyes filled with years of sadness and pain, he remembers Sev's dark eyes still full of life and sadness, these eyes have seen too much. His professor appears lost in thought, mesmerised by something "Sir?" he says hesitantly startling him until he blinks back at him, surprised.

"You have your mother's eyes, they always had that effect on me, I never noticed how much you take after her," he says softly by way of an explanation, looking away to hide the emotions welling up inside him.

He looks at him puzzled before it dawns on him "you loved her didn't you?"

He looks at him in shock, considering how to react, he smiles wistfully "yes. I have always loved her for as long as I can remember. I never stopped loving her. I remember when I first saw her I was mesmerised, I knew I'd do anything to be her friend, I realised she had magic like me I could virtually feel it flowing through her calling out to me. She was like a bright light in my bleak world when the whole world rejected me, she was one of the few people to show me true kindness and accept me for who I was" he says wistfully lost in his own memories "there is something I can show you if you would like, did I ever tell you about how I got my Patronus?"

Harry shakes his head, listening enthralled. Snape nods in acknowledgement and stands walking a distance away before softly incanting the Patronus charm and pointing his wand. From it a soft blue beam of light materialises forming into a shimmering blue doe that steps gracefully forward-looking around her before turning to see the Professor and greet him, he holds out a hand as she approaches and she rubs her head against it affectionately. Harry stands up moving towards them "can I?" he asks, looking at his Professor who nods inviting him to greet her. Harry approaches her slowly, enchanted is this what his mother's Patronus looked like? He holds out a hand tentatively, she appears to stop and sniff it before looking at him, they stare at each other for a moment before she offers her head to him, he reaches out to stroke her, smiling.

Snape watches a hint of a smile on his otherwise hard face. He collects himself before continuing softly "we chanced upon the Patronus spell quite by accident. We both enjoyed reading and learning new spells and when we discovered it Lily was quite determined that we should master it together. I quickly mastered casting the spell but I struggled to find happy memories and I was never able to give it form at first. I helped your mother and she learnt quickly until one day it took form, she had summoned a Doe just like this one. We were both so happy I couldn't believe it, it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Your father must have found some way to spy on us as he cornered me after and bragged about how he would master the spell before I did and his Patronus would be something magnificent and proud to impress your mother just like him. It's fair to say that made my blood boil at the thought so I determined to work extra hard until I'd mastered it, I never could summon my Patronus in front of her I was too shy to let her know how I felt but, eventually, I found a memory that made me feel truly happy and when I looked I saw that my Patronus matched Lily's it was more than I could ever have hoped. That night when he attacked your family I felt the mark burn my arm and then I saw it, she had summoned her Patronus in a last attempt to summon help, it found me. I'm still not sure how or why but, I knew then in spite of the overwhelming grief and pain I felt as though a part of her was forever bonded to me"

Harry listens, his hand still rubbing the head and neck of the Doe gently "perhaps it was a sign that she forgave you"

Snape looks at him surprised, he replies sadly "I'll never know, I hope so, it would be nice to think she forgave me"

"I think she did, Sir. Do you mind if I, you know, cast my Patronus?" Snape looks down at him, he continues hurriedly "I thought it would be nice for them to meet since it's the closest thing I've got to my mothers Patronus, it's just my Patronus is a stag like my father's, I don't want to you know upset you or anything"

He sighed "alright go on" waving him away dismissively.

"Thank you, sir, it means a lot" Snape gestures to him to hurry up, before turning away as he casts the spell and a sparkling Stag appears. Slowly he risks a glance, Harry is watching enthralled as the Stag also looks around before spotting his doe. The stag approaches slowly, bowing carefully, his doe inclines her head slightly before walking round the stag. Satisfied that he is not a threat they start to sniff each other before nuzzling each other gently. Strange, he never thought he'd enjoy watching this display when the child's Patronus so closely resembles his father's and yet something is touching about the display, more like a mother greeting a lost son than long-lost partners. Eventually, the two Patronus fade into a cloud of blue dust that swirls around them making the hillside by the lake glow briefly with blue magic.

He moves to stand closer beside the boy who has been watching enchanted "your parents would be proud I think" he notes gently.

Harry looks up at him startled, he smiles shaking his head "you mean my mother Sir"

"No Harry, I think they would both be proud of you, I know your mother would be and I hope your father would be proud of you. You have done well these past few days, you have grown a lot. I would be proud to have raised a son like you" he says, putting a hand lightly on his shoulder and gracing him with a slight smile.

Harry is overwhelmed by these words "thank you, sir, that means a lot, particularly coming from you, for what it's worth, I think I would have liked to have you as a father" he says, surprising him by wrapping his arms around him and burying his head against his chest.

"Thank you, you don't know how much that means to me" Snape says, returning the embrace, wrapping his arms around him protectively, enjoying the feel of his small warm body against his own. He wishes now that he didn't ever have to let this fragile young boy go. He suddenly becomes aware of the time "come now, it's getting late we should be getting you back to the castle soon" he says abruptly before remembering the memory lock charm, he gently sits him down and performs the second part of the spell to lock the memory away, he sees the memories of the strange boy who bears such a striking resemblance and thinks it best to conceal them, the last thing he needs is any awkward questions if he sees memories of his doppelganger, lord only knows how he would begin to explain that. He pauses while he thinks of a suitable code to use. He doesn't want him to access the memories too soon by mistake in case it puts him at risk.

He finishes the charm and the boy blinks looking around him and then up at Snape in surprise "what just happened, what were we talking about?" he asks.

"I believe we were discussing your potions lessons, I suggested that you might benefit from having some extra tuition outside of class if you would like that is?" he says calmly.

Harry looks at him, dubiously still confused. He's fairly certain that he was talking to him about something else, something important but his head feels strangely fuzzy. He's amazed that Snape would be offering him lessons, it's fairly obvious that he can't stand him in class and always makes it clear that he's not very good at potions. He decides not to question his unusually good mood after all he needs to get good marks in Potions if he wants to be an Auror "uh ok thanks. Are you sure that's a good idea, Sir? I mean I wouldn't imagine you'd want to spend any more time with me outside of class than you'd have to, I mean we don't exactly get on very well"

Snape gazes at him thoughtfully his face calm with no hint of malice "Potter I would not offer you extra lessons if I did not think you had potential and I would certainly not offer to spend my free time with you if I really couldn't tolerate you" he lowers himself down to Harry's level and looks earnestly into his eyes he hesitates before speaking sincerely "I know I have not always been the best teacher to you but, I promise you I can do a lot better and if you choose to accept my offer I will not yell at you or insult you as I have done in the past, in fact, I think you will find that it is considerably easier to learn to brew potions when it is just the two of us, certainly I find it a lot less stressful when I'm on my own. I could even talk to the headmaster about offering you extra defence lessons if you'd like, I'm sure you'll be needing them soon"

Harry looks at him, he appears sincere in his sentiment "oh ok thanks, I guess I could give it a go, defence lessons might be good" he said brightening up at the thought that Snape has admitted that he may have potential and is even offering extra defence lessons before his shoulders sag as he remembers why he needs them. "I am doing much better though in potions class" he says hurriedly.

"Oh? I didn't realize my absence would have such an effect on your work" he says dryly.

He blushes "oh it's not that, that is to say, it's less stressful but I don't think it's that. You see I wasn't expecting to be able to carry on doing potions so I didn't have the textbook, Ron and I had to borrow copies. The one I picked up is annotated by someone calling himself the Half-Blood Prince, he seems like he's a real genius at potions he has loads of really useful suggestions, it suddenly makes a lot of sense and it seems a lot easier now. I don't suppose you knew him when you were at school?"

"Perhaps, there weren't many students who had a talent for potions while I was here. I would certainly be interested to take a look at this book though" he replied trying to sound nonchalant and hide his surprise, how did Potter end up with his old book?

"Good, I'll let you know when I am free" he noted that his teacher looks relieved on hearing his answer, "Potter?" He looks back at the man who is gazing at him with a serious expression.

"Yes sir?"

"If anyone asks, you will inform them that I have given you extra detentions, I'd rather not advertise the fact that I'm giving students extra tuition out of the goodness of my heart particularly not to Gryffindor's Golden Boy I don't think I could live that one down if word gets out I might just have you scrubbing out the First Years cauldrons or cutting up floberworms instead"

He grinned "don't worry Sir, I know you've got a reputation to maintain, besides I'm not sure my friends would believe me even if I did tell them?" he thinks I'm not sure I believe it myself.

"Good, come let's get you back inside if we stay out any longer people are likely to think that I've abducted you" he says getting up and rolling his eyes slightly at the last part. Harry moves to follow him, trying not to laugh at that before paling when he realises that his friends may think that's exactly what's happened.