She's standing in front of him. Leaning into him even. It takes Severus a long time to react, to find the appropriate response to the woman standing on his porch.

Her eyes are wide as they roam his face for any signs of recognition, or rather, a fondness that comes with recognition.

"Will you let me in?" She asks and Severus shakily exhales, stands aside and she walks in, shoulders hunched, hugging her arms.

He sits her in the worn armchair in his living room. His childhood home has always been cramped, hatefully so. She looks frightfully out of place in that armchair, small and vulnerable. Severus wonders why she's alone. She doesn't look to be hurt, only pale as chalk.

He offers her tea, she politely shakes her head, pushes her hair behind her ear and clutches at the armrests of the chair as if trying to bolt it down to the floor.

"Lily," He settles in front of her, trying to tame his wild beating heart as her eyes glaze. She's upset. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine." She says, rubs her eyes and then closes them, shuddering her way through a deep inhale. "We're all fine. Fine,"

She's a bit more filled out than he remembers her being. Must have been the recent pregnancy, he thinks. She's a mother now.

"Do you require medical attention?" He's a double agent, a somewhat expert in Occlumency, and so he restrains the fidget in his foot and the itching in his fingers. He leans back in his seat, crosses his leg over the other and just watches her.

He has rarely seen her behaving like this. She has always been the level-headed one out of the two of them, always confident, rarely distressed, even in the face of one disaster after the other.

She looks at him, "I didn't know where else to go." She says, her breath hitches and for a moment, Sev's does too. This was his best friend.

"Tell me." He says and she does, crying and hiccuping her way through the story.

Severus wishes he'd never had to hear it in the first place.

"You're asking for too much," he says, flatly into her face once she trails off.

Lily straightens in her seat. "Sev listen to me-"

He surges to his feet, feeling his heart wildly against his chest. Beating, slamming itself into his lungs and pushing them into his ribs. "Don't you 'Sev' me!" he snaps. "No! This is too much. You're asking for too much. It's illogical, against every bit of sense that I once thought you possessed." he doesn't care if he's being exceptionally cruel. He curls his lip, "Potter is slowing down your thought process."

Lily's green eyes harden, "No, Severus." she says. "Motherhood did that." her expression falters for a moment. "James is fully on board with this plan."

"How?" Severus whirls away from her, willing his treacherous mind to stop spinning. Potter being okay with this? Ha! As if that man's opinion mattered to him, as if he cared what that swine would think of this ridiculous plan. "I'm a Death Eater." he points out.

"I know," she replies.

Severus rubs his left temple. "This is the worst possible plan ever. You and Potter have gone insane!"

"Severus-"

"You spat in my face when you found out." he cuts her off. "You wouldn't look at me for months even after you become aware of the nature of my occupation with the dark lord. Now three years later you show up at my doorstep like this-"

She hugs herself, "If you tell me to leave, I will."

That's unfair, his mind points out. She's not playing fairly. Although if Severus is being honest with himself, she never did. Lily always has had an unfair advantage. His beating heart in the palm of her hand, even now, it looks as if the wretched organ is clenched in her hand, dripping blood on his mother's carpet.

"You know I wouldn't do that." he says, and she nods. She always knows.

"Harry needs you, Severus." she says, a wobble fixed into her words. Severus has rarely seen her this upset. "James and I need you. Please."

"This is insanity." He cannot believe that he is being the voice of reason out of the two of them. Potter truly has corrupted her mind.

Not her mind, a little voice in his head supplies. Her heart.

He sneers. He really cannot help it. He cannot get over the audacity and assumption that plagued her to be here and act in such a way and ask for such a thing, "You and Potter could not possibly think that you can leave your vulnerable, ten-month-old infant in my care! He's a baby. Surely you know that."

By the looks of it, she does know indeed, how insane she sounds. Lily gulps, "If you take care of Harry, you wouldn't have to go back to your missions anymore." Her voice is quiet, almost meek, "James and I talked to Albus about this, and-"

"So, I shall have to trade my highly sensitive job that will determine the outcome of this war, save dozens of lives, and reduce their suffering for babysitting?" He jeers at the audacity once more. There is no way in hell that Albus Dumbledore agreed to such a thing, "Is that what Albus agreed to? That is impossible. Either he's gone barmy, or you are fibbing. I know you, Lily."

She surges up from the armchair as well, "So you know I'm not fibbing. Harry… is a special child. He requires protection."

He rolls his eyes, "More special than any information that the dark lord could offer?"

"Yes. Severus, my child… James and mine, he's...there's this prophecy,"

He knows. He fucking knows. This is his fault. He doesn't need the reminder. This is a cauldron he brew himself.

"I know."

Her eyes widen a bit, "What?"

"But it's not you. It's the Longbottoms. Albus explicitly told me as such, the dark lord-"

Lily's hands shake, "He knows? How would Vold- You-Know-Who know about the prophecy?"

He should tell her. If anything, that would dissuade her from leaving the kid here with him. But he doesn't. He can't do that. He cannot even admit it to himself. The reason why he became a spy in the first place.

"That doesn't matter." He brushes her off, "The prophecy meant Alice and Frank. You and Potter are safe, and fully capable of raising your child yourselves."

"If this were the case, I wouldn't be here. Severus, I know we had our differences back then, and that I have done unspeakable things to you, which you have returned with fervour, but please… he's just a boy."

"You could have asked anyone else,"

This is cruel of her. Why does she have to be so cruel?

"Nobody could do it as you do. I mean," she laughs nervously, as she always does when she is too upset to cry, "I just passed seven wards just to get inside the doorstep. Your security is airtight, and more importantly, we trust you."

Severus snorts. She overdid it. We. There is no we. There never was a we.

"We." He sighs the word out loud, "Last time I recall, Mrs. Potter, your husband tried to strangle the life out of me."

He can still feel the man's hands around his neck, pressing into the flesh. His bruised lungs, and the tightness in his head.

"Severus."

"One night before your wedding. Unprovoked, in the Three Broomsticks. His friends showed up the next morning to finish the job, and then I got the courtesy of said men throwing up on my doorstep because of drinking too much."

"We both know that James has an anxiety issue. It was the night before our wedding, he got too drunk, he apologised,"

"No, he didn't," he can't believe that she thinks she is fooling him, "You made him apologise via a letter he didn't write himself. You're an awful counterfeiter."

He expects her to rage. Or better yet, to leave. But she doesn't. She stumbles forward, until she is right in his reach, "Severus…" she whispers, "What if I begged you? I can beg you. I can…" she falls to her knees, right at his feet. Her hands clutch at the rotten rug, and her hair veils her ashen face. His guts churn.

"Lily."

"You don't understand. Harry is all we have. We need him to be safe, James and I cannot imagine that baby losing a single strand of his hair without fainting. We've talked to Albus and he thought that this is the best course of action, and I-"

"Get up off your knees, Lils."

She grabs his leg, "Severus, you have every right to refuse. But I beg you not to, please, please!"

Severus looks at her and then tears his eyes away before dropping down to help her up to her feet again. They stand in silence for a bit, Lily sniffles and Severus sighs.

"For how long?"

"I don't know. But!" She bites her lip, "You don't have to worry about anything! James and I will cover all his costs! And his needs, you just write a letter and we'll grant it."

"Why can't you just take care of the child yourself?"

"I cannot answer that. It's killing us, but I cannot answer that."

Severus can't imagine what she takes him for. She knows him better than this. He is not a man who accepts obscure bargains.

"I refuse to take in the child unless you tell me why." He tells her, as frankly as he can sound without snapping at her.

She gets the message, wrings her hands together and sighs, "There was… everyone has a prophecy that needs to be fulfilled, Severus."

"What is yours?"

"Sacrifice." A bitter smile tugs at her lips, "At least, that's the only interpretation James and I came to. I think, I think we're going to save a lot of children, Severus. Just not our own."

This is dubious at best. This feels wrong. Twisted. He just refuses to believe such a thing, not if Dumbledore had any say in it, "And Dumbledore?"

"Dumbledore thinks that we need to take action for the greater good." Her response is plain; he wonders whether it's rehearsed. She sounds so accepting. Too accepting, "If saving innocent children from slaughter is the way to go… we cannot refuse. Harry will be in safe hands."

"Mine? No, you've gone insane. What about Black, huh? Or Lupin? Would you avoid him because he's a werewolf?"

In her eyes flashes a familiar fire, before her shoulders slump and she lets her eyes droop, "You know that's not true. Remus and Sirius are Harry's godfathers."

"Seems rather logical to leave the child in their care." They're the friends, the godfathers. They're in the inner circle, so to speak. Their absence in this matter is ridiculously unjustified.

"No, it's not." Lily sniffs and rubs at her temples, "Remus is currently undercover. I haven't seen him in two weeks and Sirius…" her eyes open and she looks away, "Sirius is a great man, and he would be a great godfather, but not yet. He's too reckless, even James agrees. As much as we love him, we cannot entrust an infant to his care with this war going on."

"You are too accepting of your death. Are you not even going to attempt running away?"

Her resolve wobbles, he sees it in the tremor in her hands as she sinks back on his armchair, "We revised every option available to us," her voice is barely audible to him, "We can't risk Harry's life."

"Flee from the country, Potter has connections--"

Lily drops her head and hooks her shaking hands behind her neck, the image of desolation, "We are actively targets. I can't… we cannot."

"If I say no still… what else can you do?"

He cannot say yes. Not really. He is not equipped to raise a child. An infant. Potter's spawn, no less. He will not say yes, even as he sees utter devastation take over his best friend's face.

"I will kiss your boots. I will do anything you ask of me. Anything. He is… Severus--" she chokes and looks away, and he stands, flabbergasted. He's never seen her this emotional. Never.

"He's my baby. I am a mother. Please. I will…" tears seamlessly stream down her face, "I know I won't get to see him grow up, but we want to die knowing he will be safe."

He should be feeling powerful. Having this hold over her. He should be feeling some sort of twisted, vindictive pleasure out of this, but he feels empty. Here they are, in the living room of the house in which he spent his rotten childhood, discussing her death so casually.

He cannot accept this. He will not raise Potter's child. He is a spy. His lifestyle is not equipped for parenthood. And how will he bring up a child all by himself? An abused runt like him would only mess up the boy beyond saving. All he knew from family was starvation and a belt buckle. Potter junior will not be safe with him.

Lily though, she looks at him, just stares pleadingly, perched on the edge of the seat as if she is ready to spring off and fall to her knees again, "James is… he and Harry are…" she looks away, "They're waiting outside. We could only pack him a diaper bag--"

Severus reels, "They're here?" He turns, even though he knows it's in vain. He will not see the Potters past his own wards.

"Severus, we're leaving tonight."

"You're just dumping that baby on me, with no other plans--"

Lily shakes her head. She doesn't speak, doesn't interrupt him, but he trails off himself. She is resolute, no. Not even that. She is resigned.

Severus pinches the tip of his nose and closes his eyes, "I need to speak with Albus." He mutters.

"There's no time. He already knows. Please, Severus. For the sake of our friendship and--"

"You know me, Lily." He cuts her off. There's no heat accompanying his voice, "How can you trust me with your child? You know the sort of upbringing I had."

"I don't have a choice. You're all I have." She gets up, "I want him to be somewhere stable… if you take him, Albus can offer you immunity."

"Are you bribing me?"

She sighs and shrugs, avoiding his gaze still, "In addition to the family assets, he can give you new identities, a home. He can explain it better himself later… but he assured us--"

"So he can do those things for me and not you?"

"Your name was not dropped in a self fulfilling prophecy. It is certain." She snaps, "James and I…" she stops to breathe again.

They are going to die.

"We are leaving for a mission in two hours. There have been reports of a planned ambush on a Devon orphanage."

Severus lets her voice wash over him. This is probably the last time they will ever speak.

"You can not go." He says, even though he knows her answer already.

"The prophecy guaranties the lives of those children if we do."

"Tell them to come inside. It's not safe out there."

He can't hear the words escaping his own mouth. Potter is about to walk into his childhood house, with a baby in his arms. His former bully who married his best friend. Life is just too cruel sometimes. His bully will walk into his house and walk back out without his child, knowing that he is going to die.

"Will you take him?" Her voice verges on the edge of tentativeness.

"I…" will he?

He can lie to them. They will die tonight. Most likely. He can lie for the sake of his friendship with her. But his mouth doesn't let him utter those words.

"Tell him to come in."

She hugs him, but he does not move or react. Just stands as her arms finally drop and she moves past him to the door, to fetch her husband and son.

Severus watches her back and closes his eyes. He dreads the future. He dreads himself.

He abhors the choice.