"I thought that if I owned nothing, had nothing, was nothing, I would have nothing left to lose, and I wouldn't be scared anymore. Because my whole life I've been so damn scared. Scared to live because I was scared to die. But at the same I was so scared of living, so I wanted to die. Or maybe so scared of dying that I refused to live. You don't have to be afraid to fall, when you're already on the ground. You don't have to be scared to lose someone, when there's no one around to lose."

- Charlotte Eriksson

+ + +

Bloody hell.

Severus Snape watched as the boy stormed out from the sitting room, wincing as the door slammed behind him. He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, staring at the door as if the boy would walk back in and add something more to the blow. Instead, he sat in silence, unmoving, and listening to the dull beating of his own heart, attempting to come to grips with his own words.

He had been dreading this moment for a while now – A moment he never thought he would ever worry about in his lifetime. And yet, he needed to let the young Gryffindor know. He needed to know that he was not the man he should be confiding in. What could Severus possibly provide him? Severus did not have the capacity to show the kindness that he desperately sought. He could not show any measure of love, no matter how hard he tried. He could barely show any inkling of compassion that could help ease the boy's troubles. Well, technically he could. But he was very much afraid to. He had no empathy he was willing to show. Unlike Potter, he did not wear his heart on his sleeve. Instead, he kept it buried so deep within his core that no one could see.

Severus wished, deep down, that he was that kind of person. He wished he could be.

He could protect the boy, yes. But the man's limitations did not exceed that to any kind of affection, or care. What good could Severus do? Or be? He was a failure, and he very well knew it. He was too bitter to succumb to such vulnerable emotions. He spent so many years hiding them away, for them now to feel like they deserved to remain locked in the cage within whatever soul he had left.

And yet this wounded him more than he anticipated. Potter was asking the impossible of him.

What was Potter actually expecting? For Severus to hug the boy, console him, and tell him everything will be okay? The pure thought of that left a bitter aftertaste – He wasn't Remus or Sirius. Hell, he wasn't Arthur Weasley – Merlin forbid – but, Severus could not help but be angry that those two dunderheads who got themselves killed leaving him with the emotional clean-up of this lost teenage boy. He truly didn't know how to approach a boy so emotionally scarred and traumatized. This was not what he ever anticipated that he'd be tasked to do.

However, Potter was right – Severus did care, deep down. Way deep down. Even if he didn't know how to truly show it. Or admit it. He couldn't admit it. He was far too afraid to do such a thing. Severus Snape – the bitter Potions Master sulking in the dungeons in self-pity over a life he never wanted, who had the impossible task of protecting the boy of the man who bullied and tormented him for years.

But he is also Lily's son.

Admitting that he too, cared, would be more of an emotional blow for Severus than it would be for the boy. Severus spent so many years maintaining a dark facade, hating on the boy for years when suddenly, he came to realise, that he did eventually feel bad for the kid as cursed with life than he had. The ill-fated final Occlumency lesson appeared to be the turning point, so it seems. It wasn't just a matter of the brat peering into his most sensitive memories, but after that incident, he noticed the boy seemed to change in his presence. He seemed to be more receptive to the man, even though both still had an inherent sense of conflict with each other. Within the man's fury that day, he refused to see the boy as anything more than his arrogant father. It tore Severus apart. But once he realised that the boy did not use those sensitive memories against him as his paternal counterpart may have done, he soon realised that he was less like his father than he led himself to believe.

Severus couldn't help but think back to the night Minerva drove him from the castle. The night when Severus was alerted to the boy, and as headmaster, had the dreaded task of rounding up the students in the Great Hall. Another memory he wished he could forget. He could still see the disappointment in Potter's eyes – Lily's eyes – when he verbally struck him down to his hollow core. Another public shaming, as if he didn't already hate himself enough for what he had become. When he accused him of murdering his closest friend. However, he knew, at that point, the boy did not know the painful truth.

Yet it still wounded him deeply. To feel so truly isolated and alone at that very moment.

And Albus. Albus had another thing coming. It wasn't just a promise to himself that he protect the boy, but it was a promise to Albus, that his allegiance to the Dark Lord was finished. Since that day Severus swore to him, the old fool manipulated and emotionally blackmailed him up until the day he died. But this was what Albus wanted, wasn't it? Time and time again, it seemed he wanted to desperately to throw him and the boy together. Was that the other purpose of the Occlumency lessons that only Severus could teach him? Not only to attempt to teach the boy how to shield his mind but for Severus to sift through the boy's memories in a bid to understand him better. To see him less like his father?

But never did Albus ask Severus as to what he wanted. His entire life was paved to protect the Chosen One. To place the boy under his charred wing, and protect him until his eventual sacrifice. But it seemed as if Albus was never concerned about Severus' well-being. Perhaps he knew that his soul was already too damaged beyond repair.

How dare he. How bloody dare he put me in this position!

Blinking himself back to reality, he drew in a shuddering deep breath and ran a pale hand over his face. Sitting in his own company was agonizing. His own thoughts were agonizing. Clearing his mind of his wayward emotions seemed to drain him more that shielding his memories from the Dark Lord. Perhaps because Severus always found it easy to keep his vulnerable emotions shut away. Releasing them from its floodgates, proved even more difficult to seal them away again once they ran rampant.

Severus' time was limited – Did he really want to spend those last moments pushing away the only person currently alive who no longer loathed his very presence? No, he really didn't. It was cruel, but Severus had to stop the boy. He could not give him false hope. He could not give the boy what he did not have. And yet still, the man cared deep down within whatever part of his soul remained unfractured. It hurt deeply, but it was for the boy's greater good. It was a feeling the man could not seal away so easily, but it had to be done.

Potter will get over it. For his own good.

Severus was scared to get too close to him. He was very much afraid of any kind of attachment because, in the end, someone would get hurt. It happened with Lily, and it sure as hell will happen to Potter if Severus didn't draw the line somewhere. It was crucial for Harry's well-being, considering all the losses the young boy sustained already in his life. Severus should not be one of those people.

Why do I suddenly care so much for the welfare of the Gryffindor? Why now?

Perhaps the broken really do gravitate towards the broken because it takes a damaged soul to understand another. Is this what Albus was trying to tell him for years?

Harry Potter was depressed – That much was certain. The mental toll on the boy given all his suffering has finally settled in, now that the Dark Lord is gone. Within the last few weeks, he has observed the boy carefully and noticed the decline in his usual behavior. Those of which, manifested into physical outlets. The boy was anxious; frightened, even. His anxiety attacks seemed to also be a factor at this point, and he often wondered if he ever took Severus' elixir much at all. The trauma from the battle was proving too great for him to handle. His outbursts were a result of that, and now the boy had made it a habit of picking his scars. He was a ticking time bomb. His appetite was poor – Severus noticed the boy starting to look malnourished and thinner by the day, and yet he was so adamant that he still delivers food to the dying, miserable Potions Master instead.

The boy was clearly not sleeping; the dark circles under his eyes were evidence of that, coupled with obscured judgment. His friends were deeply concerned for him – He could tell. Even they knew he was not himself. During the train wreck of the Order meeting, he could see Potter struggling uncomfortably.

And I keep making things worse for him.

The Potions Master finally stood up, as gently as he could despite the slight uneasiness on his feet as familiar dizziness overcome him. Once the mild wave of nausea gradually subsided, he slowly made his way out of the empty living room, with the intention to reach downstairs. He stopped at the doorway, steadying himself against the doorframe, calculating his next move with a heavy sigh, until he finally made the decision to wander back downstairs, clasping the railings of the staircase as he descended. A part of him wanted to go upstairs and check up on the boy, but he knew given the sensitive situation, that it was a terrible idea. He needed to give the boy some time to defuse.

As he reached the last set of stairs, he watched as the female Weasley ascended at the same time but stopped just before she passed him.

Ginny looked concerned, "Harry alright?"

No, he isn't. Severus clenched his jaw as he paused, eventually sighing, "Go to him, Miss Weasley. I believe he will appreciate your company."

The redhead nodded, "Of course." She continued to make her way up the staircase until she stopped again once she reached the top, and turned around to face the Potions Master once again, "Professor Snape?"

Severus turned on his heel to look up at the redhead, "Yes?"

"I'm sorry about your house. We can try and repair it…if you'd like?"

There was a slight pause as the man pondered that question, but instead, Severus shook his head lightly, "No, that will not be necessary. Not worth the effort. That book is now closed."

He watched as the youngest Weasley nodded, and continued to the fourth floor to see Potter, disappearing out of sight. As much as he hated to admit it, she was the only Weasley that Severus could actually tolerate, especially in the classroom. She was a little too outspoken for his liking, much like Potter, but smart enough to know when to keep her mouth shut. He did find her amusing at times, however, because some elements of her personality reminded him so vividly of Lily at the same age.

Perhaps it was cruel fate once again.

Severus continued forth down the corridor in time for the other Weasley and Granger to arrive through the front door. He grumbled quietly to himself in frustration, in the hopes to avoid anyone else for the time being.

I can't seem to get away from these bloody students.

"Finally, I'm starving!" Weasley spoke, as he walked through the front door, "Those bloody Aurors took long enough. I should have done it myself."

"You are far too impatient. We honestly didn't wait that long," Hermione brushed a wayward hair from her face, "Your stomach was enough to wake the neighbors."

"Oi, I can't help it," Weasley rolled his eyes, much to Severus' mild amusement as he walked straight past him and made a beeline to the kitchen. Not only was he using Grimmauld Place as a safe house, but he now seemed to be stuck under the same roof with a bunch of teenage Gryffindors – Those which consisted of two couples. Witnessing the bickering among them was the last thing Severus needed to tolerate.

Sickening. Could things get any worse?

Severus – finally reaching the front door himself – swayed slightly and extended his hand to the wall to steady himself. Another wave of dizziness hit, sending his head spinning and his stomach lurching. Pausing for a moment, he closed his eyes, trying to regain composure once again. Eventually sensing careful footsteps behind him – thanks to the horribly creaky floorboards - he warily tilted his head in that direction as he opened his eyes.

Granger had turned around, upon hearing him, and watched the man with concern on her face, "Sir? …Are - are you alright?"

Severus bitterly swallowed the burning acid reflux building up within his throat, "Fine, Miss Granger."

"Shall I summon Madam Pomfrey? I really think we should find someone -"

He drew in a deep breath, and turned his weakened form around to face Granger, clearly not in the mood to argue with another Gryffindor, "- No. "

Severus watched as Granger looked defeated, but instead pulled up the beaded handbag she carried earlier and reached down – to what he noticed as using an Undetectable Extension Charm – and pulled out two identically small potion vials filled with amber-yellow liquid.

She extended them towards the professor, "I'm no healer, but I figured you need this more than we do."

Severus gently retrieved the vials, and twirled one in his hand, observing the liquid contained within. He removed the cork, and lightly inhaled its scent, "Anti-Nausea elixir." He raised his eyebrow at his ex-student.

"I had them brewed before we went on the run…Just to counter the effects of the constant Apparition," Hermione explained, "We didn't need to use them, luckily."

Grateful, Severus gave the young woman a curt nod while still keeping his facade as neutral as possible, "Thank you, Miss Granger."

Granger tilted her head to the side, "Perhaps I can brew some extra potions for you? Just, to…Help in some way. If that's alright, Professor? It's the least I could do. I think better when I'm kept busy. "

"I respect that," Severus nodded, "I must leave the premises for a short while, Miss Granger. Hold the fort. You seem the only one with any measure of common sense in this household. And try to keep Potter from doing anything irrational."

Granger grinned, "If I must say, sir – I've been trying to do that for the past seven years."

Severus snorted lightly in response, "A nearly impossible task."

He turned to leave through the front doors and Disapparated away once it was safe enough to do so. In a desperate bid to clear his mind, he reappeared in the familiar clearing in the Forbidden Forest, close to where the Thestrals resided. This was not the dense part of the forest thus the trees here were more scattered, and less ancient. Within this clearing, he was able to peer through the darkness and see the silhouette of the great Hogwarts castle high atop the hill on the horizon of the night sky. He enjoyed being here, in this particular spot. He was enough of a distance away from the castle to admire its magnificence, but it was perfect as students rarely visited there. Except for Luna Lovegood, of course.

Severus found a perch among the rocks at the base of an old oak tree, and sat down, allowing his billowing cloak to cascade around him. His gaze transfixed on Hogwarts, wondering if he was ever returning in some capacity. However, he already knew deep down that he'd likely never teach again – He was both saddened and relieved by that. But given his deteriorating condition, he knew that Hogwarts would no longer be his home, as his life was ticking closer to the end.

He already lost a home today. His childhood home, which in all honesty, never felt much like home to begin with. In actual fact, he was glad to have seen it up in flames. Too many bad memories were held there, and it was a chapter in his life he wanted to keep closed forever. Both he and his mother suffered physical and verbal abuse throughout his adolescence, and too many school days were spent trying to mask his bruising from Lily, in an attempt to hide from her curious questioning. During Severus' sixth year, his mother eventually took her own life, and his swine of a Muggle father left, leaving Severus to stay at his deranged grandmother's house until he was finally of age. His mother, despite being a saddened and bitter woman, tried her best to keep Severus safe. But it was never enough. His entire family was fractured severely. The thought of his filthy Muggle father convening and possibly sleeping around with other females out there, made him feel utterly repulsed and nauseated. A part of him felt disgusted to take the surname of Snape.

Severus leaned back to rest his head against the tree, basking in the silence of the night he had to himself. He closed his tired eyes, hearing only the faint whistling of the wind against the trees, and light-hoofed steps from the Thestrals behind him. One of the adult Thestrals slowly made his way to Severus, and nudged the side of his head gently, causing the professor to open his eyes once again. Smiling faintly, he reached a mildly trembling hand to pet the creature's head.

"I've been neglecting my visits, lately, haven't I?" Severus continued to scratch the creature's head, as the Thestral whinnied in delight from the attention. He absolutely loved being in their company. And there wasn't much that Severus reveled in, that was not including Potions or the Dark Arts. Despite the dungeons being his usual lair, it was still bustling with students, if not during his classes, but his visiting Slytherins usually complained about something. But here, at least, Severus can escape all of that chaos. He always found he could connect well with a Thestral and their nature. Heavily misunderstood creatures. Though he wished he could remain invisible, and not be seen. He just wanted to remain within the shadows, as he has always done.

Being here gave him a glorious sense of peace. This night was uniquely different. No assignments to mark. No detentions to suffer through.

And no Dark Lord to answer to. At least, his weary mind can now rest. He no longer had to endure the Cruciatus Curse because of a simple misunderstanding or an incompetent colleague under his delegation.

It would have been a glorious thing to ambitiously ponder on if it were not for his impending death.

Severus sighed heavily, allowing his exhale to linger, as he continued to look upon the beauty of Hogwarts on the horizon. The more he gazed upon the castle, the more he missed it. Maybe he should just remain here, and not return to Grimmauld Place. Perhaps he could just succumb to his condition, and let nature take the rest of its course in silence. With no one around, but the Thestrals. This location would serve as the perfect resting place for him, and it would have been better for everyone else that way. No one needed to see him like this, least of all Minerva and her insufferably reckless pride of lions.

When Severus' eyes suddenly burned with a tear threatening to fall, he allowed himself to choke back a single sob, as his chest ached with incredible sorrow. Those tears eventually fell, and he could not hold them back this time. No one was around to see – he could allow his dark armor to crumble just this once. He watched through cloudy eyes, as the Thestral sat down beside him, resting its bony head over Severus' lap. He reached out to rest his hand on its beaked snout.

"What do I do? I don't know what to do. Lily, I'm so sorry. I've made a mess of things again," Severus' voice had dropped to a whisper, quivering at the mention of her name.

He was a failure. He knew it. What he'd give for somebody else to take up the mantle, so his soul could rest. Why must everything be so complicated? Why must emotions be so painfully complicated? Potter had tried to reach out to him, and he shot him down like the arsehole he knew he was. He shot him down because he knew he could not stand to get any closer to him. He hurt the boy with his forked tongue because he knew he was better off without him. It was his way of driving a wedge in order to protect the boy from further pain of loss.

Tough love, so it seems.

Love? Don't be daft, Severus.

Care, yes. Love…impossible. Severus wasn't capable of love. Such acts of vulnerability were beyond him. Lily rejected him because of his forked tongue speaking such filth and hurtful things, and yet he could not repel the boy. Potter was trying to reach out, and he did not let him. He hesitated at the act of kindness towards him, and he threw it into the boy's face. The silly Gryffindor even threw himself in front of the snake, because he knew…He witnessed the Professor tense up at the appearance of the serpent. Severus had frozen up in absolute fear. Wretched fear. Of all creatures for Severus to suddenly develop a fear of, was a snake. How ironic for the Head of Slytherin. Nagini had instilled a new fear within him, and he hated himself even more for it.

And yet Severus was more afraid about the boy risking his safety. Angry at him, yes, but afraid.

"The boy isn't even mine," Severus spoke between heaving breaths in his upset state. Saying those words out loud cut through Severus' heart like a searing hot knife. Speaking those words made it all the more real. He could not help but think of what could have been.

Seven long years, and he finally grew to care for the boy after all.

"Lily must know I'm a complete fool. I spent years tormenting the boy and undermining his ability, and now… " Severus winced, but as he glanced at the creature beside him, he rolled his eyes, "Here I am talking to a bloody horse. I must truly be going mad."

Feeling a shiver from the crisp cold air, Severus shifted to stand up and made the decision to finally depart from his little slice of sanctuary. Disapparating away in a flume of black smoke, he reappeared just before the familiar wards of Malfoy Manor and began to make his way to the front door. Once he activated the serpentine barrier on the door, he entered the house, to find Draco sitting alone in the sitting room by the crackling fire in the next room, with a glass of what appeared to be fire whiskey. He was sporting a crinkled, white-colored shirt, void of any tie, and simple black trousers slumped back on the armchair. The boy had been staring into the fireplace, up until Severus walked in.

Draco looked up from his glass and frowned, "Where have you been?"

Making his way to the single armchair opposite the boy, Severus sat down, "Elsewhere." He eyed the boy's alcoholic beverage with slight concern, "That kind of night, I take it?"

He watched as Draco grumbled, with a look of distaste, "Every night is the same, isn't it?"

Severus didn't respond to that question, instead, he sighed, "Any further news?"

"Absolutely nothing. I don't even like venturing out there anymore. I almost got hexed this morning by a bloody older wizard when he recognized me as a Malfoy."

Severus leaned back, steepling his fingers together, "Regrettably, I must insist you stay put for the time being. A bounty is on your head, just as well as mine."

Draco raised his eyebrow, as he withdrew his head back suspiciously, "What did I miss?"

"My home was destroyed earlier today. Death Eaters were awaiting my arrival. But, take no chances, Draco. They are determined to bring us both down with every last dying breath."

Draco took a sip of his fire whisky, "So, what do we do, now?"

"You are to stay here, with your mother. I have been discussing options for advancement with Professor McGonagall. However, I have made no mention of you. For the best, at this present time."

"Where do you keep disappearing to? Who else are you meeting with?"

"Do not question me, Draco. I am devising our next move carefully. If I can get you under good graces, you will - at the very least - have some adequate protection against the Death Eaters."

"I don't want their good graces. They all hate me and my family," Draco recoiled, looking repulsed. He narrowed his eyes at the man, scrutinizing his sullen appearance, "If no one else has told you already, you look bloody horrendous."

Will everyone stop bloody pointing that out? Severus pursed his lips with distaste, "So I've been informed."

Severus watched with calculating eyes as Draco downed the remaining firewhisky and proceeded to give it a refill from the half-empty bottle beside him. Concerned, the man gripped the armrests on the side of his chair, observing him carefully, "…How much have you had to drink?"

Draco shrugged, "No idea."

Clenching his jaw, he retrieved his wand from his sleeve holster, and gave it a twirl in the air, vanishing the glass completely, "That's enough."

Draco was halfway through lifting the glass to his lips as it vanished, "HEY! I wasn't bloody finished!"

"You are now. I cannot have you absolutely intoxicated when you have a bounty on your head!"

The boy reached for the bottle, but Severus was quicker. Giving another small flourish of his wand, he levitated the bottle towards him and placed it beside himself on the table, away from the boy's desperate reach. Draco was livid. Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly not in the mood to deal with another teenage problem.

Draco flushed with anger, "How dare you! You can't do that! You are not my father!"

"Calm yourself, boy – I am your Godfather. I'm the closest you have at the present time. Heed my advice when I tell you, that it is not the way. It will only do more harm than good."

He watched as Draco slammed his armrest with a bawled fist, seething in anger. Severus gave him time to calm himself, and Draco shot Severus the filthiest glare he could muster, running his hand through his unusually unkempt platinum blonde hair, "You don't understand!"

"I assure you - I understand more than you realise, " Severus spoke as calmly as he could, "Make better choices, Draco. That's all I ask of you."

"How can I? Everything has changed now."

"Yes, it has. However, if you cannot do it for yourself, then be strong for your mother. You are all she has left."

"Is that why you took the Unbreakable Vow? You felt sorry for her?"

Severus frowned, "We both had shared concern for you. Your mother approached me in desperation to save your life. Within my limitations and circumstances, I could not refuse."

Draco paused in thought, before he continued, "Would you have still killed Dumbledore if you hadn't taken the Vow?"

Severus hesitated upon mention of Albus – Unsure of how to proceed with such a sensitive topic. His worry caused his forehead to crease, as he gazed lightly upon his Godson, "Yes." Severus glanced over the fireplace and watched as the flames crackled against the burning wood.

He heard Draco sigh, "What really happened?"

The Potions Master glanced back at the boy, with careful consideration, "The Headmaster was dying. He asked me to end his life, which had been predetermined. In doing so, would spare yours. Upon taking the Vow, it essentially…Sealed the deal. Much to my dismay, initially."

"Great, " Draco looked at Severus sourly, "And it's my fault he's dead. It's my fault you had to kill him."

"NO, " Severus spoke firmly, leaning forward in his chair, "It was the Dark Lord's wishes. He is to blame, not you. He only wished to punish you in the name of your father's failure in retrieving the Prophecy. You were a pawn, and the Dark Lord intended for you to fail. There was never any glory to be had under his name."

"I can't believe this, " Draco shook his head, shocked at this new perspective. He spent so long blaming himself, that he didn't consider the true reasoning behind it, "My father…My father deserves to remain in Azkaban. He can rot there for all I care. He got us into this mess. Mother and I are paying for it now."

Severus sighed again lightly, feeling sorrow for the stricken boy before him, "I know. Your father, regrettably, did not have your best interests at heart. If anything, I hope he realises that now." He leaned back into his chair and observed the worry on the boy's face. Draco was suffering in silence - Another boy in deep pain. Severus was afraid for both Draco and Harry at this point, and if he were to admit it, he was worried about the repercussions of that. He does not wish to impose either to travel down the same dark path as he did, just by making all the wrong choices. The least he could do was influence both to make the right ones.

The boy looked up at Severus, almost sadly, "…The Dark Mark is never going to vanish completely, isn't it?"

With tired eyes, Severus looked back at Draco, shaking his head ever so slowly, "Unfortunately not."

Severus watched as Draco instinctively clasp his left forearm where the faded Dark Mark was etched into his skin. He almost had the burning urge to do the same, in habit. Severus felt guilty, even though he knew that it was not his fault.

After a short pause, Draco continued, "Are you staying tonight?"

Severus nodded, "For a short while, yes. I need to complete your Potions stockpile, for emergencies. Excuse me, Draco. " He slowly rose from his chair, "And please. Stay away from the fire whisky." He frowned at Draco before continuing, "Do not let me catch you again."

Making his exit, he began to make his way to the Potions lab and storage room close to the sunroom at the back of the Manor. He hadn't intended to stay at the Manor for the night, but given his little altercation with Potter, he felt it best to stay away for the time being until he deemed it appropriate to return. However, he had to be careful, because Potter was still essentially under his protection as it was his obligation still, and Potter tended to get himself into danger without thinking. Even Miss Granger could not keep the boy from making irrational decisions, so that task seem to fall back on Severus' hands, much to his frustration. He could not be in two places at once.

Feeling his stomach heaving – It was either lack of nutrition, or the curse slowly running rampant within his body – he leaned on the counter within the small makeshift Potions lab and steadied himself enough to breathe through the discomfort. Reaching slowly into the pocket of his robes, he pulled out one of Grangers' Anti-Nausea elixirs, and downed the amber liquid, grimacing with the bitter licorice aftertaste. After a few passing minutes, he felt the solution warming within his abdomen, giving him temporary relief enough to stop the urge from dry retching.

Severus had enough problems to deal with at this current moment. He couldn't even muster up the courage to tell Draco or his mother of his fatal condition.

He was not emotionally equipped to deal with teenagers – That much was certain. Perhaps he really didn't have the patience. But it seemed that someone had to keep a close on them – Potter and Draco – because if he didn't, then who else would? And now his Godson feels that turning towards an alcoholic beverage to de-stress, was a wise enough decision. Now Severus could barely trust them to keep him out of sight for too long. Potter was already struggling with post-traumatic stress, and now Draco is walking a very fine line to becoming alcohol-dependent to ease his nerves.

What was Severus supposed to do? He was dealing with his own problems. And now he was entrusted to watch over two teenage boys who are both suffering with pain, grief, and guilt so immensely. It hurt Severus to see them both like this. Both were dealing with loss, past mistakes, and uncertainty for the future. This was not the path he hoped they'd take. He wanted better for them. He wished for them both to lead better lives.

Both Draco and Harry deserved that much.

Helping them – truly helping them - involved sacrificing a part of Severus that he wanted to keep hidden away. In wanting the best for them, he would need to remove a layer of his already-fractured armor once again. And Severus wasn't sure if he was ready for that step. Perhaps he really was a coward. A selfish, bitter, miserable coward who had destroyed more lives than he could count.

Albus put far too much faith in him. Albus, Remus, and bloody Sirius should be here instead, not him.

Severus clenched his fists.

"Very well. Very well. But never- never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear...especially Potter's son...I want your word!"

"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape's ferocious, anguished face. "If you insist..."

Severus closed his eyes, doing his best to keep himself as composed as he could.

Did he really want to die alone?